Friday, July 11, 2014

Pheaturing Killy Mockstar Dwyer

Hey there, welcome back to the Phile. Two days in a row! Just like them old days, right? Thnks again to everybody that read the Phile again. I truly have the best phans ever. You are my favorite people to check for ticks.  "Game of Thrones"... everybody's favorite outlet for crushing misery and unnecessary nudity, except for mine, I have never seen it, dominates this year's Emmy announcements with 19 nominations, including Best Drama Series, Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series (Peter Dinklage) and Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series (Lena Headey). Sadly, the Emmy board still fails to acknowledge Best Eye-Gouging-Out Scene in a Drama Series or they could have had an even 20.  Intent on maintaining its position as the state most intolerant to oppressed minorities, Utah is planning to appeal to SCOTUS after a federal appeals court decided that its ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. This way, after the Supreme Court rules on the  case, the title Utah vs. Human Decency can be immortalized in U.S. law books forever more. This just in... breaking news... Utah to appeal directly to Supreme Court for permission to continue denying gay people the rights that straight people enjoy.  Are you kids basketball fans? According to the latest speculations, the much-sought-after free-agent NBA MVP LeBron James is on the verge of turning the league upside down by signing with the Cleveland Cavaliers, while also being on the verge of setting the sport ablaze by re-signing with the Miami Heat. He's also on the verge of exploding the game, upending basketball as we know it and demolishing all expectations by signing with another dozen or so teams. I can't imagine what Lebron is going through. I can't even decide what kind of sub to get for lunch today.  Sorry, heterosexual men everywhere, but you know that one man you would gladly allow to impregnate you if only nature would allow it? He's impregnated somebody else. And to make matters worse, she's just a regular old human woman. Eva Mendes will have the honor of giving birth to Ryan Gosling's son in about two months. It's not fair! Eva Mendes knew she was pregnant because when she took her pregnancy test Ryan Gosling's eyes turned a more magnificent shade of blue.  Some of of might or might not know that the Phile was on a five hiatus due to a technical error. In Disney speak the Phile was 101. If you wondered what I did in that time, wonder no more.

Haha. I look like Simon Cowell. What team am I playing for? Italy? I should be playing for England. As far as England goes, have you seen the British Airways ad?

It's sad but true.  So, yesterday I went to the store and I wanted to get some Tums for my acid reflux, and they were out. Take a look at this.

I didn't need condoms. Crazy Target.  As you might remember one of the things I like to do in my spare time is to look up certain words on Twitter. One of those words is Foghat and this is one I found recently.

Foghat and Wawa mentioned in the same Tweet! I go to Wawa all the time and I never heard them play "Slow Ride" yet. I'll freak out when I do though.  Okay, it's Summer and one of the best things about Summer is the bikini, except I never go anywhere where there are bikinis. Anyway, I thought I would start to show you some interesting bikinis out there. I think I did this once before, but not sure. Anyway, here we go. While men are free to walk as shirtless as they please, being a topless woman is illegal in some American states. With that in mind, this bizarrely realistic garment, created by Robyn Graves and Michelle Lytle, has been created in order to tackle the lack of gender equality when it comes to bearing all. Although not directly associated, this bikini hits (online) shelves in the wake of the #FreeTheNipple movement.

The campaign... originally started by filmmaker Lina Esco has seen hundreds of women parade topless around New York to end gender-specific double standards. God bless this Lino Esco is what I say. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is this week's...

5. Harry's trademark scar is finally gone after Botoxing the hell out of it.
4. Ron's ginger hair is thinning, but not where you'd expect.
3. Because of blatant product placement, Quidditch players must ride around on Swiffers.
2. The last remaining detainees from Gitmo have been transferred to Azkaban, where they await trial.
And the number one reveal surprise in the new Potter short story...
1. Hagrid? Dead from diabetes at age 82.

This is a hard one. If you spot the Mindphuck email me at or #Philemindphuck @thepeverettphile. I think that's how Twitter works. Okay, long time readers of the Phile know that occasionally I get other people to come on and rant, and tell a story, or whatever. One of the most popular members of the Phile phamily is a New Yorker named Laird. So, here he is once again back on the Phile. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is.

Sigh... Everywhere I go, there's always an asshole... Go out to pick up Italian takeout (chicken & pasta) and as I'm driving home, some 20somethings were on the corner drinking. As I passed by, they intentionally shot a roman candle at my car. They laughed and high fived even though they missed by a few feet. They thought that was funny... wait until they see what I think is funny. I'm gonna go home, throw the pasta in the fridge, break out my old paintball gun and some "pepper spray" ammo that bounty hunters use to take down big fuckers. Then I'm going to drive past them again. Going to give them a second try at hitting me... THEN leave them coughing, with welts, tear filled eyes and snot bubbles in their noses. Do I LOOK like the guy you want to shoot fireworks at?

No you don't, Laird. I am glad you are my friend. Okay, so, the 31st book to be pleatured in the Phile's book club is...

The author, Mark Baxter will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks. 

Today's guest is an actress, comedian and lead singer for the punk performance art comedy mock-n-roll band KILL THE BAND whose latest EP "Happy Ending" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Killy Mockstar Dwyer.

Me: Hello, Killy, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Killy: Fan-freakin-tastic! 

Me: Okay, before we talk about your comedy, music and new album I have to ask you about this... you were recently at a comedy club I think and someone got up on stage and said they were Andy Kaufman's daughter? Did I get my facts right? 

Killy: Yes! I was a finalist in the Andy Kaufman awards and during Michael Kaufman’s final speech, just before they named the winner, a young woman named Alex got on stage and claimed she was Andy’s daughter. 

Me: So, what actually happened and did anybody believe it? 

Killy: This has been widely covered in the media, but long story short, Michael (Andy’s brother) talked a lot during his speech about a letter Andy left that Michael found after his death that stated he had faked his death. In the letter, Andy said he would return to the real world at a specific restaurant on a certain date. When that day came Michael (Andy’s brother) had gone to the restaurant to see what (if anything) would happen. Another note arrived for him. The note further explained that Andy had indeed faked his death to move on with a normal life, with a wife and children... to save himself from the stressful lifestyle he felt contributed to his cancer. After Andy and Michael’s father had passed this previous summer, Michael had received a call from a woman claiming to be Andy’s daughter and when he asked if she was there in the audience at the awards, Alex approached the stage and they talked openly in front of everyone about Andy and his life… and that he was alive. In the moment, though everyone knows Andy’s “ways”, we were all transfixed, bewildered, amazed and for maybe a brief time, we believed. Skepticism soon set in and of course, the media ripped the whole thing apart. In this day and age, magic doesn’t get to live to long before it’s illusions are revealed. Like Laurie Anderson said: “I have never been one that hoped that Elvis is still hanging around somewhere, hiding, but I will probably always expect to see Andy reappear, someday. " 

Me: This woman should get the Andy Kaufman award for coming up with the best story. What went through your mind when all this went down, Killy? 

Killy: I really wanted Andy to be alive. Who doesn’t? Especially the people there at the awards. Family, friends contestants who idolized Andy. I was very excited and freaked out a bit, to be honest. Obviously he is one of my favorite influences and there was a stretch of time in that moment that I thought he might actually be there himself. I loved every second of it. In that window of time, it felt real. We were all a captive audience with no media or nay sayers hurling accusations. It felt organic and natural, even if it wasn’t real.. .it was in the style honor of Kaufman. It was electric! 

Me: There's a rumor that Andy is still alive. Do you think he is? 

Killy: I say with all the technology out there someone would of found him. I think I covered that above. I think he is alive. In the flesh? No. In the hearts and minds of performers and audiences who remember him and carry on his crazy, yes. 

Me: It was this story that led me to your Facebook page, as you commented on it, which led me to your website, and music and now this interview. Pretty crazy, right? 

Killy: The whole thing, from my perspective, seems…like one long performance art practical joke on me… much less everyone else that was there that night or effected in the aftermath. I still feel like I’m in it. Answering these questions. Part of me thinks… I don’t know this person, Jason… is it Andy emailing me wanting an ego boost and some entertainment? Of course, it’s not, but it still feels surreal… like the joke will continue forever. NOW THAT is an amazing feat and fantastic performance. One that effects the world long after your death. Makes them seem like they are right there, still fooling ya. 

Me: You were a semi-finalist in the Andy Kaufman Awards like you said. Did you win anything? 

Killy: I’ve entered before, but this was the first year I was was chosen for the semi-finals and made into the finals. I didn’t win, but I plan to enter again next year and I hope I can wow the judges. After this year, who knows? I feel very close to Andy’s family and they are a kind, generous, supportive bunch of people that care about alternative comedy and artists. I feel like I already won. 

Me: Killy, where are you originally from and where do you live now? 

Killy: I was born in San Francisco. Grew up in Ohio and came to NYC 18 years ago. I’ve lived all over the city, but currently reside in BedStuy Brooklyn with my husband Craig, and my dog, Monkey.  

Me: Alright, let's talk about your career, Killy. You are a comedian, actress and musician. So, out of all three, what would you say is the most fun that you do? 

Killy: Let’s do dooo! Hmmmmm… of course, that is an excellent but difficult question. I’d have to say, because my act involves all three arts at the same time, I don’t really have to pick! I’m a comedic performance artist and musician! I guess that’s why I have to use all the entertainment options in my job title. Can’t. Choose. They work well together… and I’d like to think I’ve banged out something unique in the menage a trois of arts! 

Me: Which came first? 

Killy: The rubber chicken! Nawww. Acting came first and really? I just “act” like I can do the rest! 

Me: As a musician you play different instruments, am I right? What is your favorite instrument to play? 

Killy: My favorite instrument to play is the VoiceLive Touch. It is a new fangled technology based instrument... a vocal harmony, looper and effects pedal. 

Me: What instruments do you play? Do you play kazoo? 

Killy: I play many instruments poorly. I am self taught and that is what keeps my style unique. I stay away from formal training... aside from the Opera training I received in college. I vary in degrees of proficiency on guitar, piano. I also delve into using toy instruments in my act such as (your favorite) kazoo, tambourine, toy sax, toy xylophone and I experiment with many musical apps on my iPad mini. 

Me: You are also a songwriter... so am I. Check out my musical project Strawberry Blondes Forever and let me know what you think. I like to write tongue-in-cheek songs, Killy, what kinda songs do you like to write the best? 

Killy: I will absolutely check out SBF! My favorite songs to write are what I call M. Night Shyamalan songs. Songs that have an unexpected twist. They draw you in, make you believe and then turn on you when you least expect it. I write in every genre including, but not limited to, reggae, punk rock, country, metal, classical and experimental. I started writing mostly dark comedy music, but I vary now and have branched out to some even darker, stranger places. 

Me: I love the song "See Something, Say Something". You know, I work at Disney and they have the same motto for security. What was the inspiration behind that song? I'm guessing 9/11. That video looked like it was fun to make. 

Killy: "See Something, Say Something" is a classic, a favorite, a hit and a freaking earwig! Yes! My inspiration came in the years after 9/11. All the fear and suspicion the government has used to control us. It seemed to only make things worse. Paranoia is a funny thing. Not funny ha ha, but funny kitten bombs. The video was a blast and was a gorilla shoot we did all in one day. I have the best fans in the world and they ones who could call out of work that day did, and it was a beautiful, weird, fun shoot. A few tourists even joined in the fun! Ironic, huh? 

Me: Where were you during 9/11? 

Killy: I was living in Harlem with my best friend who has since passed away. He shook me awake and said to come check out the “accident” on TV. Then, only moments later when the second plane crashed into the WTC, we realized it was not an accident. The weeks and months after was a dark time here in the city, but the arts has always helped to heal the wounds of NYC so I am always glad that I am a part of that. 

Me: With acting you have done a few commercials such as for Wendy's and View Scotch Tape. Are commercials fun to do, Killy? Have you done any recent ones? 

Killy: Commercials are work. They aren’t NOT fun… but, there is no artistic merit to a commercial... or very rarely, anyway. I don’t feel connected to commercial work as an artist, but I do them well and I am grateful for the work. I was a machine there for awhile booking 8 National commercials over a reasonably short amount of time. The industry was easier then and I was perfect for the kookie young mom, or goofy store clerk. There is a lot less work in commercials these days and I recently parted with my commercial agent. I do hope to hook up with the right people and get back into the game, but as of right now, I am a free agent.  

Me: You have also acted in some TV shows, am I right? What shows have you been in? I take it they were all comedic roles. Is comedy easier to do than drama? 

Killy: I have done both comedic and dramatic roles. I find them both exciting, challenging and rewarding. It really depends on the material, the people you work with, the director and a whole slew of other criteria to decipher whether a role is moderately easy or hard. I was recently nominated for best supporting actress (Hoboken Film Festival) in a dark feature film called The Crab. It was great to spread my wings after doing mostly comedic roles and I found it both intense and thrilling. To be concise, most of my roles are comedic in nature now, but I feel fully capable and ready, willing and able to take dramatic parts. 

Me: I was watching a bunch of your videos and the Shart Week one was one of my favorites. Here's a  screen shot from it.


Me: How did you come up with that idea, Killy? 

Killy: I do a lot of videos in my bath tub. I like it there. Comfortable. Clean. Happy place. It was Shark Week and I really just yelled to my husband from the tub that we should parody it with Shart Week. He got the camera. We improvised. and 2 hours later it was edited and on YouTube. Those are the best videos. The ones that are easy, short and to the point. 

Me: Are you always thinking of bits and skits to do? 

Killy: Always. I have 1000’s of ideas and terrible editing skills. I write everything down, though poorly organized, it’s all there. I’ll get to it eventually! Being bi-polar my manic mind is both a blessing and a curse. 

Me: Okay, after discovering you I first heard you sing with your band KILL THE BAND. That should be in capital letters, right? 

Killy: RIGHT! 

Me: How long has that band been together, Killy? 

Killy: KILL THE BAND was together 5 years. 

Me: And where did that name come from? I'm guessing a part of it is from your name... Killy.

Killy: The name came partly from my name and partly from constantly wanting to kill one or more of the band members. Plotting. Never acting, of course. Mostly do to scheduling challenges, and too much boy noise. 

Me: Who is in KILL THE BAND with you? 

Killy: Mike Milazzo: guitar, Joe Yoga: bass, Blair Frowner: Sax, Nicholas Fox: Human Drum Machine/mouth percussion.

Me: So, what is a typical KILL THE BAND show like? 

Killy: Punk-rock has a three way with rap and comedy while musical theater jerks off in the corner? Outrageous. Intense. Mesmerizing. Like being being part of a beautiful accident on a roller coaster to ha ha land. It’s hard to put into words a feeling. Electric and connected... everyone took the same hit of acid. Never the same show twice. 

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new EP "Happy Ending". Where did that title come from? KILL THE BAND is not breaking, right? 

Killy: "Happy Ending" was our 3rd and final album. It was closure for a fantastic 5 year musical experiment. KILL THE BAND the “performance art piece” lives on, but the band as it was is DEAD. 

Me: The EP has a punkish song, a rock song and even a Christmas song. Is there one genre you like singing or writing the best? 

Killy: I like to jump from genre to genre. I have musical ADD and I never want to bore the audience or myself with the expected. Always keep them guessing about what’s going to happen next. 

Me: I enjoy the videos you make and you came out with a video for "Anal For Christmas". Will you be doing anymore videos for any of these five songs? 

Killy: I will be making videos for all 5 songs and all 13 songs off of "Mock Bottom". Video is the next part of the KILL THE BAND project, both with a documentary about our experience and a visual art piece or video for every song we have recorded. It’s an exciting phase and one that I am working closely with my husband, Craig on. He is a phenomenal film maker and we are excited to take the KTB music to the next level. 

Me: Did you do all the songwriting, Killy? 

Killy: I write all the songs, but of course each band member contributes their part on whatever instrument they are playing. I write. We arrange. 

Me: I have to ask you about the song "God Wants You To Cum". I know there has to be a story behind this song, am I right? 

Killy: The song was inspired by my friend Angelica and a One Woman Show she did years ago that dealt with her past of molestation by her preacher grandfather, her present as a spiritual orgasner and her journey to find her clitoris. It’s a tutorial, really. I think people underestimate and misunderstand the female orgasm and clitoris. Kegel to the beat, yo! 

Me: Okay, let's talk about Funny Not Slutty. What is that exactly? 

Killy: Funny Not Slutty is a website I occasionally contribute content to. I would say it’s a part-time job. I am a fan of the site and of it’s fearless leader Jacki Sklar. It empowers funny women and gives them a fun forum to do their thing in. I’m a fan and featured artist. 

Me: And I have to mention Alter Ego - Vaudeville Surreal. That’s an improve group you host, am I right? 

Killy: Alter Ego was a neo-vaudeville variety show I ran for 5 years. It was a monthly show that featured hundreds of unique artists over the years. I am very proud of AE. It was my baby and it gave a lot of alternative artists a place to feel supported, respected and celebrated. KILL THE BAND was the house band. It was a fantastic run. 

Me: What does your family or parents think about your talent and everything? They should be all proud as you do have a lot of talent. 

Killy: My parents are conservative and from Ohio, but they are supportive. They don’t especially understand or appreciate some of my dirtier content, but they give me the freedom to live my life. They know I am special and loved by the artists in NYC and they are incredibly happy I am married and no longer THEIR problem.

Me: Did you always want to be some kind of performer growing up? 

Killy: Always. Always. Always. I wake up and the show starts. 

Me: Killy, it's a pleasure to have you here on the Phile. Was this one of the best interviews you have ever done? 

Killy: It was thorough and it’s a pleasure to have you interested in what I do. I enjoyed answering these questions because it really makes me think about why I do what I do, and why I am who I am. Thank you very much for the time and the interest. I will absolutely spread the word about you! 

Me: Thanks! All the best, continued success and please come back. 

There, that about does it for another entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Killy Mockstar Dwyer. The Phile will be back next Thursday with Ian Margolycz from the band Velvet Ants and on Friday jazz musician John Funkhouser. What a cool name. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

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