Monday, July 4, 2011

Pheaturing The 200th Interview Toots From Toots & The Maytals

Happy Independence Day! Wait, I shouldn't say that, I'm British. Anyway, welcome to the July 4th entry of the Phile with the 200th interview, which happens to be a guy from Jamaica. Man, I really thought this through. The 100th interview you might remember was my sister Leila, but when I checked back, I was wrong. Sorry, Leila. Even though she was billed as the 100th interview it was actually Kevin Presbrey from the band Painkiller Hotel. Leila was actually the 90th. Yep, I was ten off. I am an idiot. Well, Anthony Weiner is back in the private sector now. When he was a congressman from New York, I think it was his private sector that got him in trouble. Chris Wallace at Fox News asked Michele Bachmann if she is a flake. I think that’s an insult to the fine folks at Kellogg’s. Rod Blagojevich was charged with corruption — and unlawful imprisonment of a badger. Have you seen his hair? Blagojevich said he was stunned by the verdict. Apparently, he wasn’t paying attention during the trial. The Pope is now on Twitter. The church is really trying to connect with young people — in a way that doesn’t involve hush money. So, you're celebrating your independence from the British today. I hope that in a couple years, we’ll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese. They’ve found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you’re eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns. The royal couple will be visiting eight major cities during their nine days in Canada. That’s amazing to me. Canada has eight major cities? The Senate canceled their vacation to work on the budget. Either they really can’t agree or they’re looking for an excuse to not go on vacation with their families. Okay, kids, it's the Philosoraptor.

Did you see the Independence Day poster that came out? I was very confused.

Well, I didn’t pay much attention to history when I was in school. I try to put it all in the past. Every year I am amazed at how a lot of people don't know what Independence Day is, so this year I thought I would invite someone to the Phile that is as American as you can get, someone who loves America, and who can explain Indepedence Day. So, here is a new pheature to the Phile, kids. Please welcome...

Me: LMAO. What's with the CB things on his shirt? Oh, he's a bike courier or something. Okay, Pat, explain Independence Day.

Pat Riot: It's a holiday where Americans, drink beer, watch violent sports and char dead animal flesh while extolling the virtues of our great Nation. Then later when things begin to wind down, you get your instant mini-cam, to record all the blackmail worthy, faux pas that you encounter around the hot tub. Particularly with Trisha and Sandi, the one who works at that department store... and if you are in Texas or anywhere in the south, shout, "Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, that bastards a Jew", and point at the man with spectacles who lives next door, see which of your friends is the first to light a cross on his lawn. Finally turn eastward, shake your fist in the sky and say take that you Commie bastards, this is the USA! And then before bed, write down the colonostopy appointment on the refrigerator calender. And that, my half English friend, is the fourth of July.

Me: Hmmmm, thanks, Pat, that wasn't what I thought, and I am fully, but thanks. Ladies and gentlemen, Pat Riot, the man who loves America!

So the Decepticons want these pillars that can reshape the universe and it'll help them kill off the Autobots and enslave all the people on Earth but the government doesn't believe this because they forgot that the root word of Decepticon is "deceive" so they're dumb and then Shia and Not Megan Fox have to go rogue and jump start the next robot war but it might be too late because all the big businesses are now run by Decepticon lackeys and so the robots trash Chicago and then comes the part where Shia screams "OPTIMUHHHHSSSS!!!" in the middle of a huge battle. That's always the funniest scene in these movies and it happens in every one of them. Like that guy can even hear you, dummy. A friend at work told me a few days ago that liking these movies is the same thing as liking Limp Bizkit and hot dogs from AM/PM convenience stores. Then some other people I know told me that liking these movies means I'm not a real film critic anymore, if I ever was. Then Optimus Prime himself came to me in a dream and said, "Thank you, Jason, for liking these films means that you understand our true awesome nature and the beauty of loud idiot garbage about nothing." And I said, "You're welcome, Optimus Prime. Now go make me a sandwich made of metal." If you hated the last two movies for their relentless assault of spinning gears and twisted bot-on-bot visual confusion, then you should know that not a single thing has changed, the 3D this one is in will only amplify your agony and you will be way happier choosing that nice Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts movie instead. If, on the other hand, your favorite element of these films is precisely their refusal to comply with your eyeballs' need for stuff to just stop for a minute every once in a while so you can focus and not get sick to your stomach, then yeah, lots more of that. It's sort of impossible to know if Shia LaBeouf is a good actor or not because he's found a yelling niche that he doesn't seem all that eager to shake. But subtle acting tricks are not what you need from a star in these films. You need somebody who's down for whatever, who doesn't bother asking what the day on set is going to hold, who just stands in front of that green screen and reacts to the spot on the wall and understands that, when you're acting opposite cars and air, you're just a dutiful cog in the machine. He's now a brand you can trust. Replacing the smart-mouthed Megan Fox in this chapter is Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Her job is to run across robot destruction wreckage in super-high heels, get thrown around a toppling building (in the movie's greatest, craziest action sequence to date) without soiling or tearing her pristine white jacket, stare blankly at possible end-of-the-world chaos and be less, as in "not at all'', of a contrarian than her predecessor. She's an expert at all that stuff. From one to ten, it gets a 10, and yes, I will be buying it when it comes out.

The second artist to be pheatured in the P.P.A.G. is ChrisRWK, and this is one of his works of art.

Chris will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

This is so friggin' cool. Today's guest is a ska and roots reggae singer and leader of the reggae band Toots & the Maytals whose new album "Flip & Twist" is now available at stores and on iTunes. He is also the 200th interview on the Phile, and will be appearing today at Washington Park Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon. Please welcome to the Phile... the one and only Toots.

Me: Hello, Toots, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Toots: All good.

Me: It is such a thrill to have a legend like you here, sir. Do I call you Toots or Frederick? Come to think of it, I am guessing no one has called you Frederick or Fred in a long time, right?

Toots: My friends call me Nyah.

Me: Nyah, how did you get the nickname Toots, sir?

Toots: From my family when I was young.

Me: I have purchased a lot of your music over the years as you were always my favorite reggae singer in the world. I just downloaded your latest album called "Flip & Twist" and thinks it's some of your finest work yet. Do you still like recording after all these years, or do you prefer to play live?

Toots: I like both and spend a lot of time on both. Glad you like "Flip & Twist"... I put a lot into that record and it is a little different than usual.

Me: Is there any song or album that you recorded that really means the world to you?

Toots: "Flip & Twist" is a good one.

Me: I have to tell you, my dad was Lonesome Dave, lead singer of Foghat, and was a fan as well. I first heard about you ion the late 70's when he played The Specials and The Clash a lot, and explained that they covered your songs. Did you think it was cool back then when those English white boys dug your music so much that they covered your songs?

Toots: I love when other artists cover my songs and I cover other artists songs as well.

Me: I liked it you played on the Radiohead cover album. Were you aware of the band and their music when you were asked to be on it?

Toots: Not really, but I loved the song "Let Down" when I was asked to do it.

Me: A few years ago your album "True Love" won a Grammy. That album had your band doing songs with a bunch of very cool group of people. No Doubt, Bonnie Raitt, and Eric Clapton to name a few. With that alum , did you approach the guest artists, or did they approach you?

Toots: They are all friends and I am their fan and they are my fan... it went both ways.

Me: By the way, did you watch the Grammy's this year? What do you think of today's artists?

Toots: I did and love some of the new artists and hope to work with some of them in the future.

Me: Let's talk about your band: The Maytals. What exactly is a Maytal?

Toots: Maytals comes from Maypen, Jamaica where I was born.

Me: The band broke up once and got back together, right? Does the band still have its original members?

Toots: We never broke up and most of my members have been with me since the beginning or for many years.

Me: I said earlier you are my favorite reggae artist, but most people say Bob Marley or Peter Tosh are there's. The people I know say that anyway. Did you know those gentlemen well?

Toots: Yes, we started together at the same time.

Me: Were you ever jealous that Marley would become just an icon?

Toots: No, we were friends and I ams till close with his family.

Me: Well, no matter what anybody says, you had the most number one hits in Jamaica. Speaking of, do you still live over there?

Toots: That is true... I live in Kingston, Jamaica.

Me: I have to mention this, there's a BBC documentary coming out about Toots and the Maytals, right? When was that filmed?

Toots: It recently aired on BBC 4 in the U.K.... it was filmed over the last 2 years and includes archival footage from throughout my career.

Me: Do you know if it'll be shown over here in America?

Toots: Yes, we are working on a deal for the U.S. and are putting together a DVD box set for sale.

Me: Your new album is on your own label... D & F. What do the initials stand for?

Toots: Doreen my wife and Frederick myself.

Me: When you formed that label was it to just release your own music, or do you work with other musicians?

Toots: I am also producing other artists and just finished an album with Chantell Hernandez coming out soon.

Me: Toots, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope it was fun, and that you'd come back one day. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wanna mantion, sir.

Toots: I would like to mention my foundation The Toots Foundation, we help children and the sick mostly in Jamaica and take $1.00 from most concert tickets sold in the U.S. to raise money. We are working on building a youth center and school in Jamaica in the future. To donate or check out my website go to

Me: Is there anything you wanna tell the readers of the Phile?

Toots: Yes, I love them and hope they come see my shows and listen to my music.

Me: Thanks again, and take care, my friend.

Toots: Blessings.

That about does it for another entry. Thanks for Toots for taking time out to be on the Phile. And special thanks to Jeff Cameron as well. The Phile will be back next Sunday with a cool pop band from California called Oh. Hush! who I have been wanting on the Phile for awhile, and they don't normally do interviews. So, until then, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. And have a safe July 4th. Bye, love you, bye.

No comments: