Pheaturing James Friley From Idiot Glee

Hey kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you? If you are in New York City I feel sorry for you. It's so hot in New York City that cockroaches may fly. If, when you hear the words "New York City," you tend to think "apocalyptic cesspool" instead of "greatest city in the world," congrats: cockroaches are proving you right, because they're maybe about to start flying around the city because that's what they do when it's this hot and humid. “In hot steam tunnels, something with the temperature and the humidity encourages them to fly,” said Ken Schumann, an entomologist at Bell Environmental Services, to the website DNAinfo. “When it's warm and steamy that seems to be what they like." If only warm steamy humans could take the same approach and flap our wings all the way to Alaska.
Are you kids watching the Olympics? On Thursday evening, Michael Phelps added a record fourth consecutive title in the 200m individual medley, and also bested a record that had stood for 2,168 years. He also owns the record for most medals (26) and most golds (22) in Olympics history. So Phelps reign as an Olympic beast in the water carries on. His 13th individual title eclipsed the 12 titles held by Leonidas of Rhodes, who won three foot races... the diaulos, stadion and hoplitodromos... in four consecutive festivals between 164 B.C. and 152 B.C. Those races required athletes to wear heavy battle gear, possibly including a helmet, a breastplate, shin armor and a shield. While Phelps did not have to swim in armor, his game face in Rio makes it look like he's always ready to go to war.
Speaking of Olympic swimmers... Ryan Lochte's mother says her son and at least one of his teammates was held up at gunpoint while heading to a party in Rio last night, "USA Today" reported. But his coach is disputing the account. And who would dare damage a platinum silver hair on the gold medalist swimmer's head? "I think they’re all shaken up. There were a few of them," Ileana Lochte said to USA Today. "No, they were just, they just took their wallets and basically that was it."David Marsh, Lochte's personal coach, said that no one was held up but he's looking into exactly what happened. But an IOC spokesman said that nothing happened.Whatever happened, Lochte seems to be okay. So basically the only thing to report at the moment is... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Shit, here's another story about an Olympic swimmer... "The Mercury News" published a terrible Twitter headline on Thursday evening when Simone Manuel won the gold for the women's 100m freestyle. She became the first African-American woman to win an individual Olympic medal in swimming Thursday night, tying for gold with Penny Oleksiak of Canada. Manuel and Oleksiak both touched the wall in 52.70 seconds, breaking the Olympic record by one one-hundredth of a second. The headline, perhaps intended to note a historic night for two American athletes, truly missed the mark...

Manuel told "USA Today" that she understands why her race will be mentioned along with her win. And while she hopes to encourage more African-Americans to the sport, she ultimately just wants to be recognized as a champion. Congrats to gold medalist Simone Manuel. She's more than earned it. Okay, moving on...
The British witchcraft shop Mystical Moments makes beautiful wood wands for "real" witches and wizards, but if you're just a nerdy Harry Potter fan, GTFO. Richard Carter, who owns the shop, says he can spot a Harry Potter fan just by their aura, reports the "Telegraph." "J.K. Rowling has obviously done her research but Harry Potter is for children," the grown man who makes wands said. "It has done nothing for business.""I don't have customers who have been Harry Potterfied," he added. "If I had someone come in wanting a wand just because they liked Harry Potter I would not sell them one, not matter how much money they were offering." Carter says the wands can be used to draw a protective circle around witches, to cure pains and sickness, and to make wishes come true. Potential wand owners need to visit the real-life Ollivanders in person, to better choose a wand that has, like, good vibes. Crazy how Harry Potter fans are living in a fantasy world.
I'll mention this under the pheature Someone Phamous Has Died but I have to mention to here as well... Kenny Baker, the actor behind Star Wars' R2-D2 who also starred in films like Time Bandits and Flash Gordon, is dead, his niece confirmed yesterday. Baker... whose age is variously being reported as 81, 82, and 83... played the spunky Artoo in the original Star Wars trilogy and the prequel films. The 3 foot, 8 inch actor had apparently been ill for some time, and didn't appear in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. "It was expected, but it’s sad nonetheless," said his niece, Abigail Shield said. "He had a very long and fulfilled life. He brought lots of happiness to people and we’ll be celebrating the fact that he was well loved throughout the world. We’re all very proud of what he achieved in his lifetime."
So, just now I mentioned Michael Phelps... do you know when he is not swimming on the Oympics he is working at SeaWorld? No, well, I happen to have proof...

Hahaha. Speaking of Phelps, did you see eyeing down his opponent, South African swimmer Chad le Clos? If not here's what happened...

Damn! So, there's a pic of Donald Trump that might be able to explain a lot of things...

Do you see it? Look under the bucket. So, I was watching fencing on the Olympics and I couldn't believe what they were using...

About bloody time. So, I love kid's, and love it when they draw something that should be innocent but comes out looking not so innocent. You'll see what I mean.

Mommy actually helps customers move big objects at Home Depot. At least during the day. Are you playing "Pokémon Go"? Go Team Instinct! Some people are not only playing but they are cashing in on the game. Like this brewery owner who’s making good work of their huge sign.

So, it's summer and I am showing you pictures of women in bikini's with something not so sexy in the background. Why not, right?

What an arsehole. Here's a brunch tip for you... Make sure to post a photo so your ex can see how much fun you're having. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Groups Of People Who Went To See Sausage Party
5. Film lovers who admired Salma Hayek's work in Frida and Traffic, but have yearned to see her play a lesbian taco.
4. People who'd rather watch 88 minutes of talking food than 10 seconds of the Olympics.
3. Sentient bagels, excited that their story is finally being told.
2. Weirdos who have long dreamt of seeing baby carrots curse a blue streak.
And the number one group of people who went to see Sausage Party were...
1. Virginal losers who'd just be having a sausage party anyway.

This is a pretty stupid one. If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, so, I was recently talking with my son about how we used to watch "Sesame Street" when he was little and how the sow now has changed. So, once again, it's time for...

Big Bird tries to escape from an Allied biplane.

In what is likely the most self-aware thing he has ever said, Donald Trump admitted that he will probably have a hard time getting into heaven. The racist Republican pumpkin monster was speaking at an event hosted by the Christian group American Renewal Project in Kissimmee, Florida and decided to appeal to the audience's values of mercy and salvation, claiming the only way he could be Saved is through the Oval Office. “This will be an election that will go down in the history books for the evangelicals, for the Christians, for everybody of religion. This will be maybe the most important election the country has ever had,” Trump said, according to The Hill. “So go out and spread the word, and once I get in, I’ll do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it’s probably... maybe the only way I’m going to get into heaven, so I better do a good job.” The Hill adds that this is the second time this week that Trump owned up to past indiscretions, saying that he never thought that running for president was "in the cards" for him, and had he anticipated going into politics, he "would have had a little softer path." Trump will likely need all the help he can get to get to heaven, having committed all seven of the seven deadly sins on many occasions.

Kenny Baker
August 24th, 1934 — August 13th, 2016
Wonder if they'll bury him in the droid?

The 51st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Brian will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the band Idiot Glee whose new self-titled album "Idiot Glee" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... James Friley.

Me: James, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

James: I am good! I'm not tired. What's new...

Me: I interviewed a lot of musicians in the past who don't go by their name but go by "stage names" or band names and I have to ask you about yours. Why not record under your own name James Friley, and instead call yourself Idiot Glee?

James: I like my name, but something about going by your personal name just doesn't sound very good anymore... I don't know, like Nick Cave, Brian Eno, David Bowie, etc... it all sounds so good, right? But James Friley? Lame. Idiot Glee sort of fit the mood anyways.

Me: Where did the name come from?

James: I got it from a YouTube video with Brian Eno from the 80s.

Me: Listening to your music, you are not an idiot. Brian Eno? I am glad you didn't get it from the show "Glee."

James: Eno describes "idiot glee" as an overwhelming sensation, a feeling of excitement when you've just came up with an idea you think is good. Like a big light bulb goes off in your head and you have a rush of excitement... sort of like that. I get that feeling... I like it.

Me: Where are you from, James?

James: Grew up in Ashland, Kentucky, a town of about 19,000 in eastern Kentucky, then came here to Lexington in 2006.

Me: I thought you were gonna say Utah as you're a Mormon. A few years ago I had the drummer from The Used and they are from Utah, but not Mormon's, so I guess I am the idiot thinking you were from Utah. Is there a lot of Mormons in that part of the world you're from?

James: Well, not a ton, although growing up we had about 200 people a week attending our church in Ashland, which is pretty good for eastern Kentucky I think? But yeah, maybe just a couple in each high school. Lexington and Louisville there are more, as it goes with bigger cities. Of course Utah has exponentially more.

Me: This is a stupid question, but I am guessing you don't drink soda, am I right?

James: Wrong, haha... soda? Come on. I'm a huge fan of: Coca-Cola, Mountain Dew, Virgil's Cream Soda and root beer, and most importantly, Winchester Kentucky's very own Ale 8 One ginger ale.

Me: I love cream soda but it's not good for me. Okay, let's talk about your album ""Idiot Glee." It's your second full length but you had quite a few EP's and singles out, right?

James: Yes, all right. 1 four song EP, a few 7"s, 3 tapes, and some tour CD's... even some digital only stuff.

Me: When and where was the album recorded and did you do all the work yourself, James? I did all the work myself, except Case Mahan plays guitar on two songs and Jamie Adkins plays bass on one song.  It was recorded between moves, half of it at JJ's Corner, my old apartment, and half here on North Limestone.

Me: I like your previous album "Paddywhack." I have to ask what that means.

James: I don't know... the ligament of a goat, according to Wikipedia. Knick knack, give a dog a bone?

Me: I like the artwork of the new album... you look like John Lennon. Who did it?

James: Robert Beatty did the cover.

Me: I am the idiot here, James. I just looked at the cover for "Paddywhack" and there's a soda can on it.

Me: You do like soda. Hahaha. Does this cover have a meaning?

James: Robert Beatty did this cover as well. As I'm a huge soda fan, his idea was to do a soda can. I told him I wanted some 70s lookin' airbrush type artwork and he came up with that... I love it.

Me: Listening to your music I definitely could tell you're a fan of 60s music and the Beach Boys. "Pet Sounds" is a big influence on you, right?

James: "Pet Sounds" was a big influence in the beginning, I love Brian Wilson. A lot of old stuff... Sam Cooke, Al Green, some Beatles way back when, etc.

Me: What other bands and music do you listen to, James?

James: Mostly local stuff, but also Fleetwood Mac, Arthur Russell, Brian Eno, The Kinks, and newer stuff like Twin Sister, Women, Deerhunter, etc.

Me: What do your parents think about your music and I am guessing they are very supportive?

James: My mom likes some of it, my dad seems to but not sure if he's being honest. They seem to be into it... they do worry about me financially though.

Me: You play keyboard and guitar, right? What instrument came first and how old were you when you first started playing?

James: Piano was first, I've been a classical pianist since 7 years old. It came pretty naturally and was all I knew until I was 13 or so when I started toying w guitar and other instruments.

Me: James, thanks so much for a great interview. Is there a website you wanna plug?

James: Idiotglee.com, hophop.bandcamp.com, and resonanthole.com!

Me: Thanks again, and take care, Idiot... just kidding. Take care, James, and come back again.

James: Haha, thanks!!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to James for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with DEIDRE from Deidre and the Dark. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Ryan McCarthy From Stepdad

Hey there, welcome to the Phile, kids. It seems that I just did this. Haha. How are you? Well, after a delightfully psychedelic Opening Ceremony, the Rio 2016 Summer Olympics are in full swing. Breaking records, winning medals and taking names, despite some Venus and Serena Williams-related heartbreak, the women of Team USA are making the country (and the gender) proud. Ledecky, only 19-years-old, killed the 400m freestyle, powering so far ahead of the competition that the other swimmers were barely in the frame. Leah Smith won the bronze in the 400m freestyle event, as did Dana Vollmer for the women's 100m butterfly. Jumping, flipping, flying, and making it look easy, Ledecky's fellow 19-year-old received the highest score of any competitor in the floor exercise, beam, and vault events. The commentators couldn't even find something to criticize. The first gold medal for Team USA was won by Virginia (Ginny) Thrasher in the 10m air rifle competition, and Corey Cogdell took bronze for trap shooting. The number one team in the world (USA) beat the number three team in the world (France), and advanced. Carli Lloyd, who scored the winning goals for the 2008 Olympics gold medal, 2012 Olympics gold medal, and 2015 World Cup final, worked her magic scoring the point that won the match 1-0 for the red, white, and blue. Pulling a Katie Ledecky, the U.S. women's basketball team wiped out Senegal with a 121-56 win, breaking their own record for most points scored in the Olympics. The previous record was 114, set in 1992 and tied at the London games.
Marisa Dick, a gymnast competing in the Olympics in Rio, has already accomplished a lot more in her 19 years than most of us lazy slobs have in our entire lives. Not only is she competing against world's most prestigious athletes on an international stage, but she already has a gymnastics move named after her. Yea, she jumps up, does a fancy leg switch thing (that is definitely the technical term, right?) and slams her crotch onto the beam while landing in a split. The long and the short of it is that the dick is hard. It also looks very painful. The move is now officially recognized by the Federation of International Gymnastics under the non-fun name "change-leg leap to free-cross split sit," but the gymnastics world refers to it more commonly as "The Dick." Plus, it is fun to be like "Did you see The Dick!?" or "Your Dick was really nice." Hehehe. However, not everyone finds the name so funny. In a letter to "The Wall Street Journal," one representative from the FIG wrote, "We would like to underline that there are more spectacular new elements expected than her new move. We guess last time it makes the buzz only because of her name.” Oh come on. Have a little fun. Laugh at a very impressive looking move that shares a moniker with a dude's junk. Going down in the history books with a signature move ensures that you will always be remembered, but having a move called "The Dick" pretty much makes you unforgettable.
As if life weren't already enough of a roller coaster, a young woman was kicked out of an amusement park for her attire... and no, the attire in question wasn't a pair of nipple pasties, but rather a gray V-neck like you might see in Gap's athletic section. Bina Ramesh was wearing the gray tee when she went to Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ last month, and was told by a male security guard that in order to enter the park, she'd have to change her shirt. As Banesh explained in a Facebook post, she and her good sport of a guy friend did a little shirt-swap to prove that there was nothing innately offensive about the gray shirt itself. "Apparently, when a boy wears the same top, it's fine, so thank you for swapping shirts with me in the parking lot because we still live in a world of ridiculous double standards and sexism," she wrote. In the comments, she posted a picture of her wearing the offending shirt.

Shield your eyes!
There's so much to learn as a new parent: how to change a diaper, soothe a fussy baby, shut down a stranger when they demand you stop breastfeeding in public. Last week, a mom in Dartford, England, allegedly demonstrated the proper technique for that last one. When a stranger asked her to stop breastfeeding in a public park, she responded by saying "fuck off" and squirting breast milk in the stranger's direction. No wonder people always talk about the beauty of breastfeeding! The story was posted on the "Dartford Gossip Page" by the complaining stranger, who probably naively expected sympathy. The post read, "To the lady Dartford park who thought it was appropriate to breastfeed her baby whist my child and very easily distracted husband sat near by. I don’t think it was necessary for you to react the way you did just because I asked you to go somewhere private, telling me to fuck off and squirting me with your boobs was incredibly uncalled for. I hope you are ashamed of yourself!" Maybe next time you go somewhere with your "very easily distracted husband," you should give him some Vitamin R first. A little Ritalin should keep him focused on what matters (your own boobs). Considering women in the U.K. are legally allowed to breastfeed anywhere in public, Internet commenters leapt to the defense of the mommy feeding her baby. Comments included "you deserve what you got" and "it's you who should be ashamed" and "if ur husband is easily distracted id say thats ur problem." Yikes. That's gotta sting more than breast milk.
People are not happy about Sprite's newest, slut-shaming, wildly confusing ad campaign. Like, in what altered state of mind did the ad execs working for the lemon-lime soft drink Sprite decide that their brand is "sexist dudes at a bar"? Sprite is a soda that children drink at birthday parties because they're not allowed to have beer or even caffeine. How did they get from there to this?

"She's seen more ceilings than Michelangelo." "A 2 at 10 is a 10 at 2!" "You're not popular. You're easy." Huh? Is ad copywriting these days just stealing dumb things that people write on walls next to urinals? Obviously and predictably, many people weren't too happy about these ads. As writer Aimée Lutkin wrote on Jezebel, "Let’s remember that Michelangelo only saw one ceiling, but for a very long time. We should all be so lucky to find a relationship like Michelangelo had with the Sistine Chapel."
So, have you heard of Dick's Pizza? I have no idea where it is but this is it...

Canada. It's in Canada. Do you kids remember this logo?

Well, this year Trump has a very similar logo.

Ha! Alright, so I know most of you are playing "Pokémon Go." Some people are not just playing, their cashing in on it. Like these guys who started a pop-up refreshments stand at a Pokéstop.

Remember in the last Star Wars movie what Kylo Ren's lightsaber looked like? Well, that's not the first time someone that used a lightsaber that looked like that.

Oh, George. Haha. I love kids drawings, and one of the best things about kids drawings is sometimes they don't look that innocent.

Can't believe that URL was available! Hey, did you see this on the Olympics?

That should be the Mindphuck. So, it's summer and I am showing you pics of women in bikini's this year with something not so sexy in the background.

Angela added new photos to the album "Try to Ignore the Cows Pissing." Okay, so, there's one thing you might not know about me and that is I don't like to break the rules. Unlike this guy...

If you can't read it it says "please do not touch." And he's touching. Ugh! So, my son and I were recently chatting about how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together and how that show is so different now. That's why I have a pheature called...

"Hello, police? I'd like to report a rape... Yes, it's the Sesame Street serial rapist... No, officer, it's happening tonight, after he finds the trail of dildos leading to my apartment!"

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. It's pretty easy. Okay, so, ever hear the saying zero fucks given? Well, some people take that literally, so I thought it'll be fun to have a pheature called...

Pete Fountain 
July 3rd, 1930 — August 6th, 2016
Fountain of Old.

Donald Trump admitted he was wrong, tearing a hole in the space-time continuum. On Friday morning, Donald Trump admitted in a tweet that he was wrong about a video he referred to in a speech about a U.S. payment to Iran and a hostage release in January. Trump claimed he had seen footage of a plane unloading money on the same day the Iranian government released four American prisoners. But that was not the video he saw. The money represented the first payment of a $1.7 billion settlement the Obama administration reached with Iran to resolve a decades-old dispute. It is related to a failed arms deal signed just before the Iranian Revolution in 1979. The settlement by the U.S. was decided on by an international legal tribunal in The Hague. It was made in cash because the U.S. does not have a banking relationship with Iran, as sanctions have blocked the country from international financial systems. The video Trump saw was of hostages being released. That's it. More importantly, his tweet is an unparalleled admission by the Donald of actually being mistaken. A white buffalo, a black swan, a true rarity throughout the entirety of his presidential bid...

It's probably not a coincidence he tweeted it so early in the morning.

The 51st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Brian Watson will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's guest is the lead singer for the Chicago based band Stepdad whose latest EP "Masterbeast Theatre" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Ryan McCarthy.

Me: Hello, welcome to the Phile, Ryan. So, how are you?

Ryan: Wacky.

Me: So, I have to ask, any of you guys in the band really stepdads? If not, where did the band name come from?

Ryan: Nope, it came from an Internet band name generator. It has no meaning whatsoever and we've since thought of cooler names, but it's too late to change!

Me: For the readers that don't know, guys, tell them who is in the band. You had a few different people in the band, right?

Ryan: Well, we started as a duo, just Mark and I. Now we've got Ultramark, Nathan K. and Ben Weissenborn. So 4 of us.

Me: Ryan, your music is very 80s sounding. How would you describe it?

Ryan: 8-bit power pop.

Me: I listened to your EP "Masterbeast Theatre" and really like it. I also like your first release "Ordinaire Ep" that was released years ago. You came a long way since then, right?

Ryan: Yeah, "Ordinaire" was recorded in my bedroom studio in our old apartment.

Me: I do have to tell you, though, with 10 songs, that's not an EP, that's an LP. That's pretty much a full release. Ryan. Was it planned to have 10 songs?

Ryan: Well, the original EP had 8 songs. The re-release has 2 bonus tracks. Plus we had it remastered and got some fancy new artwork.

Me: Like I said, I like your new EP "Masterbeast Theatre." I love the title... great pun. I do have to say that is one freakin' crazy art on the cover. Do people still say covers, for the front artwork? Anyway, who is responsible for it?

Ryan: He is a friend of ours named John Bailey. Phenominal artist! He designed our t-shirts as well.

Me: Where did the title from the EP come from?

Ryan: Ben Beutel-Gunn

Me: Okay, so, you had a very bad thing that happened when you were making this album, right?

Ryan: Yeah, our van was broken into and several things were stolen from us, the most important of which was the hard drive that contained a good chunk of what was to become our new album. Several tasty jams and critical bangers were lost in what we like to call “The Great Banger Heist of 2014." Despite what was lost, 4 of the songs were already finished. These are the survivors. The ones that avoided capture.

Me: Over the years you guys have a lot of animal themes... Parrots, wolves, centipedes, jungles, beasts... do you guys like animals?

Ryan: Everybody likes animals. C'mon.

Me: I like the song "My Leather, My Fur, My Nails" from your first EP... which is also animal related. What is that song about, Ryan?

Ryan: We like hearing what other people think it's about.

Me: So, anyway, who does most of the songwriting?

Ryan: Mark and I write the songs. It's a very uncollaborative process. Mark and I will write songs on our own and then filter them through each other until they are done. Mark writes the lyrics and I do the production.

Me: You guys are based in Chicago, right? Do you all still live there? I love Chicago, but haven't been there in awhile. Where is the best place to eat there? Is that Michael Jordan restaurant still open?

Ryan: We started in Chicago, but now we all live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm not familiar with any Michael Jordan restaurant. When I lived there I used to work at a sandwhich shop in Roscoe Village called Costello's. I highly recommend that place.

Me: Ahhhh. You guys worked on something called "Axe Cop." When I first heard of it I thought it was "Ass Cop." Man, I really need to pay attention. Anyway, what is "Axe Cop" and what did you do for it?

Ryan: "Axe Cop" is an online comic series that is illustraded by a professional artist and the story is written by his little brother. He is like 7 or 8 years old. It's really demented and hilarious. Basically we found "Axe Cop" like 3 days after it was launched and thought it might be cool to write a theme song for it and send it to Ethan (The creator/artist) incase he ever decided to make it into something more than a comic. Plus Mark and I were watching a lot of "Airwolf" and "Macgyver" at the time and it was a perfect excuse to write a very 80s style TV show theme. Synth guitar solos, saxophone, and super compressed gated drums are a recipe for a successful 80s TV show theme song.

Me: Ryan, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again. I wish you a lot of luck and continued success and come down to Florida to play. Thanks again, and before you go, plug your website.

Ryan: Merci beaucoup! Stepdad.us is where it's at yo.

Me: Great job, and please come back soon.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Real quick I do have to say that yesterday and today I mentioned America's first gold medal of the 2016 Rio Olympics was for shooting. Well, dear NBC, the "University of West Virginia" apparently doesn't exist. Please update your biographies so angry West Virginians don't yell at me anymore. Anyway, thanks to Ryan for a great interview. The Phile will be back next Sunday with James Friley from Idiot Glee. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker