Pheaturing Phile Alum Lee Negin

Hey there, welcome to the Phile once again for a Monday. How are you, kids? Let's start with a story about North Korea banning sarcasm. Shocking. Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has just banned all sarcasm about himself or his regime, because he totally loves freedom of speech. According to independent.co.uk, functionaries were asked to disseminate the message: there will be no criticism of the leader in any conversation.“One state security official personally organized a meeting to alert local residents to potential ‘hostile actions’ by internal rebellious elements,” a source in Jagang Province told Radio Free Asia’s Korean Service. Wait, how can they tell if a resident is mocking the regime or being, like, totally serious when they say how great Kim Jong Un's new haircut is? Apparently, the Grand Pooh Bah himself has sussed out specific offending remarks, like a “A fool who cannot see the outside world,” a commonly used phrase in N. Korea that just might refer to the glorious leader himself. Calling Kim Jong Un a fool doesn't seem so much like sarcasm as it does straight judgment, but maybe we can chalk up the confusion to the fact that Un has probably never had to experience criticism in person. In which case, will someone please explain to him that it isn't sarcasm when I say, "You're oppressing your people, idiot."
A physician for Hillary Clinton says that the presidential candidate is being treated for pneumonia. Apparently, the presidential candidate has been taking antibiotics since Friday. This statement comes after Clinton was seen leaving a ceremony commemorating the 15th anniversary of the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks in lower Manhattan. Initially, Clinton's campaign claimed the former Secretary of State had "overheated" during the event before abruptly departing. It was only revealed later in the day that Clinton has been receiving treatment for an infection. On one hand, she works even when sick. On the other hand, it's a little shady that her team wasn't more honest about her sudden illness. Clinton spent time recuperating at her daughter Chelsea's New York apartment before being seen again, in good spirits. Trump supporters were quick to jump on this story for many reasons, none of them being genuine concern for the health of a woman. But, mostly, Trump supporters were happy to not have to explain recently resurfaced interview from Sept. 11th 2001 of their candidate gloating about how a building he owns is back to being the tallest in lower Manhattan. So that's the political news today: one candidate made a dramatic exit from a memorial ceremony that fed unsubstantiated rumors that she is harboring untreatable health problems. Meanwhile, audio evidence revealed that the other candidate can't help but make every issue, including unfolding national tragedy, about him. This will continue to unfold for the next eight weeks. Hopefully, we'll all get through this.
A hopeful romantic on the Internet... no, not Tom Hanks... is looking to court Hollywood Sweetheart Meg Ryan and make a real life rom com. Nick (which also happens to be her ex-husband Dennis Quaid's character's name in The Parent Trap… coincidence?), a humble man of 38 years, posted a Craigslist Missed Connection to see if anyone out there had a connection to Ryan.

The Missed Connection is rather tender, filled with smiley emoticons rather than Craigslist's more common "8===>" ones, but the aloofness of the "lol"s is embarrassing for all involved. Nick knows it's far-fetched, but he's seen enough Meg Ryan movies (or read enough of "The Secret") to know that good things will come if he "[puts] this out there in the world and [sees] what comes back." A simple Google search of "Meg Ryan single" suggests that she is unattached, having recently split with John Cougar Mellencamp. This wouldn't be the first time somebody who looks like Meg Ryan falls in love with a stranger, but it would be the first time it wasn't with Tom Hanks. If rom com rules apply, what happens next is obvious... Ryan will hear about this post from a chatty sidekick (a Carrie Fisher or a Rosie O'Donnell), and while apprehensive at first, she'll begin to chat conservatively with Nick before realizing that they understand each other ways in nobody else can. After chatting for a long time, the two will summon the courage to meet, and it'll be the first day of the rest of their lives. Maybe I should write a Missed Connection and try to meet Kelly Clarkson.
Well, here is a "stranger thing" for you. Chelsea Handler had Caleb McLaughlin​, Gaten Matarazzo​ and Millie Bobby Brown, some of the kids who star in "Stranger Things," on her Netflix show "Chelsea" on Thursday. During their interview, Handler told the preteens that if they drink coffee, which Brown and Matarazzo admitted they do, they will become alcoholics. Well, she would know. Of course, Handler's comments were made in jest, and only because she is not really the type of person slated to interview young, innocent minds. The look on Brown's face once she finds out she's headed down the "Chelsea Handler" path was pretty hilarious, though. After the interview, Chelsea played a fake "anti-child" PSA that ended with the tagline, "Kids. They're not that great." You can decide whether that was on purpose or not.
Air China apologized to frequent flyers and a huge chunk of the population for a straight-up racist "warning" in their in-flight magazine.

Air China would likely advise its travelers to fear the MAYOR of London, Sadiq Khan, a Brit with Pakistani parents. The airline decided to apologize for its fear-mongering about spooky ethnic minorities. "As a civil aviation tourist magazine, 'Wings of China' has always been trying to present the local cultures and customs to our vast readers, and eager to exploit the beauty of the world along with our readers. The inappropriate expressions in the article are merely the mistakes made by the editors, and by no means represent the views of the magazine... We also would love to send sincere apologies via Air China to all the readers and passengers who feel uncomfortable because of this." Take precautions when traveling to China, lest you run into the racist writer for the in-flight magazine. Or, don't make such generalizations at all.
I mentioned Kim Jong Un at the top of the entry... and wanted t say he is looking slightly different nowadays.

"I was born ready. I'm Kim fucking Jong-un." Haha. I was changing the channel on the TV the other day and I caught something that was strange on "Wheel of Fortune."

Strange. At least it's not the Giants. Did you ever play with PlayMobil's when you were a kid? I always waanted them but there's sooo many. Like this set for example...

There's one thing I noticed about this election year, and that is the graphic department is trolling Donald Trump. Check it out.

That is 100% real, people. I don't know if you know this, and why would you, unless you know me, but I carry an EpiPen on myself all times just in case I get stung ever by a hornet, wasp, bee, fellow jacket, red jacket, blue jacket or whatever. Anyway, I was surprised when I found out about the obscene price increase of EpiPen. Mylan, the manufacturer of EpiPen even has a new logo.

Ha! So, it's back to school season and this month I am showing you awkwards pics of kids on their first day back at school.

Red, white, and outta sight! Last Wednesday, Apple held its semi-annual Special Event, in which the tech giant introduces its new slate of shiny gadgets and explains why they're so much better than the versions you just spent thousands of dollars on. It's always a hoot.Despite some exciting announcements, this year's event was tinged with controversy. Apple confirmed the dreaded rumors that the iPhone 7 would dispense with the headphone jack in favor of (included) wireless earbuds called Air Pods. Old-fashioned wired headsets will still work, but only with a special adapter. If you're one of the many people who were shocked and dismayed by this news, you may have a short memory. This is hardly the first time Apple has blindsided fans with disappointing product announcements. So, I thought I would come up with a new pheature showing the worst offenses in the history of the House that Jobs Built. So, here's...

That has to be one of the worst graphics ever by the way, and the longest pheature name. Anyway...
The Lightning cable (2012)

They called it "lightning" because so many people got burned. At 2012's keynote, Apple introduced the iPhone 5, blowing our minds with its 4-inch screen and LTE support (were we ever so young?). But fans were outraged at the announcement that it would require a new piece of equipment for charging and wired communication: the Lightning cable. Replacing the long-standing 30-pin connector, Lightning would be the new standard for all subsequent Apple products, meaning all previous cables were immediately obsolete unless you bought... you guessed it... an adapter. Sensing a pattern?

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, so, there's a guy that wanted to come onto the Phile and tell a joke. The only problem is he's sold, no one understands what he's saying. But, as I;m pretty old myself, I do understand... and could translate. So, please welcome once again to the Phile...

Me: Hello, Alan, welcome back to the Phile. So, let's hear today's joke.

Alan: Old Lady Lovejoy, aged just threescore, whose lusty footboy rode behind before, is in a fit of fondness grown so kind, He rides within who rode before behind.

Me: Hmmm. That's a joke? Anyway, what Alan is trying to say is... A 60-year-old lady started screwing her horny footboy, so now instead of riding on the back of her carriage, he rides inside her vagina. Ha! Alan, it's political season, so, do you have a political joke for us?

Alan: Politics consist of two sides and a fence.

Me: Very good. That's hardly a joke though. Any other jokes real quick?

Alan: A man chiding his wife told her, that she could call nothing hers but herrRing, fillet and hair-lace, nay, her very breech was none of hers. Which the good and harmless woman understanding one night, let something drop into the bed, which he having found out by the smell, ask'd her what was the cause of her so doing: She told him, that whilst she thought her breech hers, she had command over it; but being his, she could not rule another body's arse.

Me: Okay, no one will understand that. Here's what Alan is trying to say... A husband says he owns his wife's butt, so she shits in their bed and says she's not responsible because she doesn't own her ass. Good job, Alan. Alan Raglafart, the 100 year old comedian, everyone. Okay, and now for...

Top Phive Reasons Why The Price Of EpiPens Increased
5. Extensive market research showed that people are willing to pay a little more to make sure that they don't suffocate and die.
4. It was felt that parents spend so much on back to school shopping, they won't even note an extra $600.
3. Users could die at any moment... so it's important to squeeze them for as much money as possible while they still can.
2. Mylan execs were hoping to make enough money to buy that Wu-Tang album off pharma-douche Martin Shkreli.
And the number one reason the price pot EpiPens increased is...
1. The board members were really wanted to see the "New York Post" headline "EpiPen-sive!"

So, you know what this pheature is about by now, right? Let's just get to it.

Zari reads one more verse in the Quran before she straps on her suicide vest.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum whose latest album was “Entheogenic Dharma Music," and is available to buy as a CD on his website. Please welcome back the Phile, the always entertaining and spiritual... Lee Negin.

Me: Leeeee!!!! Hello, sir, welcome to the Phile once again. How have you been?

Lee: JAAAAAAAyson!!!! Please either call me Lee or Sir Lee (I'm often called Surly). You are American, so you can dispense with my title. Just like last night, when Paul rang me for advice (he needed the middle 8 for his new track, and John has left the building) and I called him Sir Paul. He said, "Mate, call me Billy! We go way back!" So, there you have it. Then I heard Kanye in the background shouting, "Tell Lee I'm a genius!" and Kim whispering, "Lee... Kanye found out about us... he saw the tapes!" and I hung up. Oh... yes... I've been trying to keep the dream lucid, thank you.

Me: Huh? Hahaha. I'm British by the way. Anyway. Last time I interviewed you here back in January you were living in Tokyo. Are you still living there?

Lee: Indeed, as we speak. This weekend I am moving near Yokohama (near Tokyo).

Me: Is there a buzz there about the summer Olympics being there in 2020?

Lee: No, not at all. Lots of financial scandals, and the Rio nightmare just ended. Four years is a long way off, and Japan has more pressing things to consider (like missiles being lobbed at us by Fat Boy Kim, people in Fukushima STILL living in temporary, cramped housing, typhoons smacking us left and right, etc.).

Me: Did you watch any of the Olympics this year? You're not a sports fan I don't think, right?

Lee: I don't have a TV, and you're right. I like playing sports more than watching. I feel the same way about porno!

Me: Lee, you are a pretty smart, and wise person with a lot of deep thoughts. So, I have to ask you... there's a crazy election going on this year in the states? Are you glad you are overseas? Haha.

Lee: Crazy erection you say? At my age, I'll take what comes up! Yes, but for more reasons than just the erection, They come and go.

Me: No, election. So, what is your take on it?

Lee: There's an ancient Chinese proverb I am quite fond of, and it is quite apropos to this situation: "Shit makes the corn grow." I want to keep this interview positive so I won't tell you my opinion... which no one cares about, and rightly so. Furthermore, as a part-time Buddhist it behooves me to (UK equals behoves) remind people of the one (and only) thing we can all be sure of: this amalgam of discursive thinking imprisoned in a mobile flesh-sack is going to "die." Fact. So, don't be distracted by the shadow play. Better to spend what little time you have coming to terms with your impending cessation, in whatever way brings you peace of mind and freedom from fear. Politics is just another distraction, and we prefer living in denial (about our inevitable "death"). Dig that! However, I have to share this charming family photo of The Donnie, with his daughter Ivanka and their son. In-breeding will tell!

Lee: My last comment about the erection. A great Zen saying, "The only thing left to do now is have a good laugh." 

Me: True. What do they think of Trump, or Clinton or the election in Japan? Do you know?

Lee: Although Japan is a very homogeneous country, I cannot tell you what "they" think. However, in general, Japanese are pretty apolitical, especially when it concerns a foreign country. Furthermore, it is a very non-confrontational culture, so politics is not a popular topic of conversation (watch the fist-fights at Trump rallies). I know Americans find it hard to believe, but not everyone in the world cares about your internal affairs, even a tawdry one such as this.

Me: You are a professor, Lee, but you weren't teaching in Tokyo, is that right?

Lee: No, I am teaching. No choice in the matter. As I've said many a time, just as video killed the radio star, Internet has all but killed the 'recording artist,' which is my gig. Meaning: no teaching equals no eating!

Me: Alright, let's talk about your new music... you have a CD out called "Entheogenic Dharma Music." What does that title mean, Lee?

Lee: As you know, EDM is a genre of music quite popular these days with the youngsters (electronic dance music). Ninety-nine point nine percent of it is just mindless, vapid disco with the intent of genital stimulation (check the scene in The Matrix where Morpheus makes a speech to the people of Zion, and then they all start dancing and it becomes an orgy. LOL. Looks like a club in Ibiza)! EDM. My challenge was to make my version of EDM, something with a bit more thematic substance and intent, danceable but also suitable for good headphones in a dark room, with eyes closed and a bowl of herbs. As Grace Slick said, "Feed your head." Entheogenic refers to "a chemical substance, typically of plant origin, that is ingested to produce a nonordinary state of consciousness for religious or spiritual purposes." So, marijuana, mushrooms, peyote, MDMA, etc. Dharma is a Sanskrit term used in many Indian religious traditions. As a part-time Buddhist, I use the term in the Buddhistic sense: "In Buddhism (termed dhamma), it is interpreted as universal truth or law, especially as proclaimed by the Buddha" And music means music. So, the intent of the music on this album is reflected in the title.

Me: How long did it take for you to come up with that title?

Lee: Several lifetimes.

Me: The CD was a physical CD with only a 100 made, am I right? Why did you decide to go that route?

Lee: I'm an idealistic gluton for self-inflicted pain and financial loss. So I chose the route of most resistance!

Me: I love CD's and vinyl myself... are you a record buyer or do you like to download music better? 

Lee: I loved vinyl and CDs, and that is still my chosen art form (I make albums, not collections of singles). However, I stopped buying music years ago, and stopped listening to music (except the noize I make) many years ago. There are many reasons for this. It's not unusual for seasoned musicians. In the formative stages, when learning my craft, I was a voracious consumer of music. I have hundreds of albums (vinyl) and CDs, and used to attend concerts frequently. Downloading music is dying now, too (and I was never a fan of it. The quality is shit and the artists get ripped-off big time). Streaming is the deal now, which is even worse for artists as far as making money. The largest downloading 'store' in the world is iTunes. Apple announced a few weeks ago that they will phase out iTunes over the next couple of years and focus solely on streaming... one of the reasons they paid far too much money for shitty quality headphones (Beats). Streaming means more money for Apple, Spotify, etc. and less money for musicians.

Me: The artwork for your releases are always so detailed and very colorful. Who did the artwork for the latest CD? He's British, right?

Lee: Yes, he is an ex-EU British geezer! His name is Bill Brouard, an incredible visionary graphic artist. Actually, I chose this image (he sent me many to use for my projects) and designed a cover from it (added the lettering, done by a Japanese artist I know). So, it was't originally created to be used as this album cover. I think it's suitable for the image/message of this album. He goes by the name Visual Alchemy.

Me: How did you meet him?

Lee: I was introduced. I have been friends for many years with one of the U.K.'s leading collage artists (he did the cover for my recent single, "Frack Art, Let's Dance"). His wife started a business a couple of years ago, selling merchandise at music festivals in the U.K. with images by a select group of artists. She asked me if I'd like to be represented by her (she sells merchandise, like mugs, t-shirts, etc. with some of my artwork on them, as well as other artists). So, I have been working with her in that capacity. madmuglady.co.uk/lee-negin.php#!/LEENEGIN/c/12689203/offset=0&sort=normal. She was working a festival last year, when she espied a very "eccentric looking fellow" walking toward her "booth," a modified hippie bus. Apparently he was wearing a top hat and tails, and had a walking stick!? Perhaps all in white (memories are tricky). In any case, this eccentric fellow approached her and he was carrying a portfolio. He said something about 'these are a few of my artworks, maybe you'll like them." After she found her eyes again (they popped out of her head), she asked him if he had any more like them. He replied "Yes, hundreds." She knows I like to collaborate with talented visual artists for posters, album covers and visuals for my live gigs, so she hooked us up, he and I exchanged emails, he checked me out and he sent me many images to use at my discretion.

Me: I watched your latest video for the song "In the Lucid Moments." I love the imaginary, Lee. Your music is very visual... did you make the video yourself?

Lee: Thank you! Yes, I "made" the video. I edit images together from many sources, including my group of great graphic artists, stock footage I subscribe to (a business; for a monthly subscription fee you get access to a lot of cool stock footage) and archival films and other works that are either Common Copyright (free to use) or the Copyrights have already expired (so, no, I'm not ripping anyone off. Besides, YouTube is very serious about that sort of thing and they regularly check and remove videos that rip off images). I will be releasing a new video soon that I actually made with my cool HD video camera. Another track from "Entheogenic Dharma Music." Stay tuned! youtube.com/user/passingphasemusic.

Me: Last time you were here you were planning on a tour, or doing some shows. Did that happen? How did they go?

Lee: Not yet. Actually, I was offered a live concert in Tokyo on August 28th, but had to turn it down. Bummer.

Me: I think I asked you this before, but you play a lot of instruments... which instrument was your first?

Lee: My mother told me that I was quite a gassy baby, so I guess you could say I played the flatulence horn first. She said I was quite creative, rather like a farting prodigy! Too bad they didn't have samplers then. She could have sampled me and I could do ambient pieces based on a methane tone poem.

Me: What instrument do you prefer to play?

Lee: Accordion and electric-kazoo (together). I love polkas and Benny Hill! I put them through a stack of Marshall amplifiers and make horrendous noise.

Me: Okay, so, you are a musical genius, Lee. coming up with such different sounds.

Lee: Sphincter control, dear boy. As Edison said, "Hard work is another name for genius."

Me: So, I was thinking... I wanna name a few musicians and tell me what you think of them. Ready? 
Alice Cooper?

Lee: Who is that? Ah... You made a typo! I read musicians but you named a hack magician! I seem to remember my grandmother talking about Ms. Cooper. My grandmother used to hang with the Rat Pack in Vegas (you know, Frank, Dino, Sammy and the crew). One night, I think it was in the mid-1950s, my granny went to a small dive off the main strip and saw a magician opening for a trained poodle show, and a guy spinning plates on sticks. She said this magician went by the stage name "Harriet Who Dini." It turned out, after getting booed off stage, my granny took pity and bought her a Jack Daniels neat. The magician told my gran, while sobbing, mascara running down her craggy pock-marked cheeks, "My name is Alice Cooper, and one day I'm gonna be on 'The Ed Sullivan Show'!" That's all I know about Ms. Cooper. I don't like magicians, much. Let's talk about musicians!

Me: Okay, Jimi Hendrix?

Lee: Here...

Me: Pete Townshend?

Lee: Here...

Me: Howard Jones?

Lee: I used to eat at his restaurants when I was a kid with my family. Are they still around? Big chain. Crappy food. They had motels too. Hideous color scheme. Again, let's stick to musicians. The service industry is not my niche.

Me: Ahhhh... Stevie Wonder?

Lee: Here...

Me: Okay, I have to mention one of my favorite tunes of yours is "Bossa Novocaine Salsa (with Cheeze)." Is that song on your new album, Lee?

Lee: Indeed. I'm glad you dig it!

Me: I love that you used the Cheeze character again. For those that don't know, wanna tell them who Cheeze is? 

Lee: Cheeze might be dead, or.... Hard to say. Go hear for more info: cdbaby.com/cd/leenegin12.

Me: Ever think of writing a Cheeze novel or short stories? Do you write stories, Lee?

Lee: I would love to do a graphic novel of the Cheeze saga, and/or a manga style book or series (any manga artists reading this, contact me if interested), and a full-length motion picture... maybe make it in Mumbai, a la Bollywood to make it extra Cheezy! I already did a Cheeze radio play at: cdbaby.com/cd/leenegin12.  "The Cheeze Opera" had a libretto, which I wrote. My undergraduate degree was in English Literature and Writing. I've had some of my poetry published, and used to write short stories. Different lifetime.

Me: Okay, so, last time you were here I asked you what you were dong ten years ago as this is the Phile's 10th anniversary... this time I wanna ask you what was your highlight in the last ten years?

Lee: Regular bowel movements, of course. One highlight was sitting with Jon Astley in his studio on the Thames (London). He is the geezer that mastered/produced The Who, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, George Harrison, Clapton, ABBA, etc. etc. In fact, he was Pete Townshend's brother-in-law for years. So, this lovely house (in which he had his mastering studio) was Pete's old house, where he (Pete) wrote "Tommy," "Who's Next," ("Life House") material, etc. in that very room we were sitting in. In that room, Pete recorded Thunderclap Newman's great track "Something in the Air." So, Jon was mastering two of my albums, and we were chatting and drinking tea (of course). He was, at that time re-mastering George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass," ABBA's "Greatest Hits," Led Zep and the Who's catalogue (And my two albums, LOL). Jon asked me if I'd like more tea, and I replied "yes." As he was leaving the room to fetch it, he said, "Here is something you might find interesting." and he placed two tape (recording tape masters) boxes on my lap and left the room. I look down and was completely gobsmacked! They were THE ORIGINAL MASTER TAPES for one of the greatest albums in history, "Who's Next" with Pete Townshend's handwritten notes all over the track list label! As a Who fanboy from way back, well, I soiled myself...There are pictures of me with Jon in his studio, and me holding the master tapes on my main Facebook artist's page.

Me: I have to show this pic...

Lee: My fat thumb stroking the ORIGINAL master tape for side 1 of "Who's Next" (dig the date- July 14, 1971). This, regular bowel movements, and returning to making music and videos after a 16 year hiatus. Working with Simon Humphrey in a world-class studio in the U.K. on my album "Hungry Ghosts" (and becoming great pals). (Simon produced/engineered The Clash, Culture Club, The Beach Boys, Hans Zimmer, David Byrne, XTC, Jeff Beck, etc... we mixed my album together. More fun than anything legal). Living in several countries. Some highlights of my minuscule incarnation over the last 10 years.

Me: Thanks so much for being back on the Phile. Go ahead and plug all your websites, Lee. 

Lee: passingphasemusic.com, youtube.com/user/passingphasemusic, leenegin.com, Amazon (internationally) iTunes (ditto), facebook.com/LeeNegin1, twitter.com/umeboshiroshi,  cdbaby.com/Artist/LeeNegin, contact: passingphasemusic@gmail.com.

Me: So, are you working on anything now? Any new projects?

Lee: Yes. Something major. A massive recording project slated for next year. I have already lined up two stellar artists to take part, possibly three (one being a tabla drum virtuoso from India... the other two in the U.K.). Can't say more. It will probably be my swan song... "Lee's Last."

Me: Thanks once again, and keep in touch. All the best, sir.

Lee: Thank you very much, old friend! As I told you, don't use my title. Just call me Billy!

Me: Thanks, Billy.

That does to for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Lee for a great interview. The Phile will be back next Sunday with musician Giulia Millanta. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Phile Alum Michael Fargnoli From Hadley's Hope

Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Saturday. How are you? Well, tomorrow is 9/11, kids. Let's come together as a nation tomorrow before getting back to hating each other for the rest of the election. Fifteen years ago tomorrow millions of Americans learned the geographic location of Afghanistan for the first time. Do you know what else it is? Football season! Go Giants! More on that later. Let's start off with a story about a mom marrying her adult daughter after they reunite and "hit it off." Yep. Oklahoma mother and daughter Patricia Ann Spann, 43, and Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, 25, were arrested together last month after police discovered the two were married. What happened was this: Patricia Ann lost custody of her three children when they were young. Patricia Ann told investigators she hadn't been reunited with Misty until 2 years ago, when she and her daughter immediately "hit it off." Cue the banjos. Genetic Sexual Attraction is a very real situation that can be common when estranged relatives are reunited. So common, in fact, that before Patricia Ann married Misty, she married her son in 2008.​ Yes. Breathe deep. This is Patricia Ann's second marriage to one of her offspring. According to investigators, her son filed for an annulment 15 months after being married to mommy dearest, citing "incest." But that didn't stop Patty Ann from sharing vows with her next next of kin this year. Police discovered the unblessed union last month and brought them both up on incest charges. According to Oklahoma state law, marrying a close relative is considered incest whether or not a sexual relationship exists. Patricia said she thought a marriage was okay because her name wasn't on her daughter's birth certificate. Both women are being held on $10,000 bonds in addition to bonds they share as mother and daughter and wife and wife.
Why does the U.K. have the lowest breastfeeding rate in the world? According to Amy Brown of Swansea University, the answer may lie in social pressure to get babies quickly sleeping through the night and on a regular feeding schedule so new mums can get back to normal.
Brown spoke at the British Science Festival, suggesting an explanation for why just one in 200 British women are still nursing their babies after 12 months. First of all, the idea that women should get their babies on feeding schedules "is really incompatible for breastfeeding," she told "The Guardian." Babies need to nurse a lot to get their moms' milk supplies up. Simply telling women that "breast is best" (or as they say in the U.K., "breaust is beust") doesn't necessarily translate into an understanding of how breastfeeding works or a support system to make it happen. Couple that with pearl-clutching at public breastfeeding and so-called experts assuring new moms their newborns can go 12 hours without milk, and more and more women are turning to formula. On a public health level, this has serious consequences, both in terms of infant mortality and government health costs. New moms need more support to turn breastfeeding from something that sounds nice but seems impossible into a reality. Maybe Kate Middleton could do some public breastfeeding or something?
Women who don't have kids get reminded of this on the reg, especially by aging family members. And now in Italy they can't even walk down the street without seeing an ad reminding them, essentially, that their eggs are drying up. This is thanks to a campaign for a new national holiday called Fertility Day, which is coming up on September 22nd. The posters and televised ads include slogans like this one, which translates to “Beauty knows no age. Fertility does."

Another is an image of baby shoes and reads, "The constitution [sic] protects conscious and responsible procreation." The campaign was started in an effort to boost the country's birth rate, which has been in decline. But the ads have been criticized for being sexist as well as ageist. Others have pointed out that they harken back to Italy's fascist past in the 1930s, when posters were put up around the country urging women to "give more children to the fatherland." Many have pointed out that these ads are offensive to women who don't want to have children, or those who can't for physical or financial reasons. Italy has been in a recession for many years, so many people simply can't afford to procreate. The hashtag #fertilityday has become a trending topic on Twitter as people have responded to the sexist ads in outrage. Maybe Tina Fey said it best: Blerg.
After a serious assault took place, British police sent out a map of the assailant's possible location in the hopes to find a witness that could put him in jail. That map had a strikingly familiar shape.

Conveniently located near Stoke Bishop. COINCIDENCE? Okay so, that's a penis. And, according to one tweeter, it was a "giant red one." Ugh. Avon and Somerset Police take all inquiries seriously, and responded in kind. So awesome they have free health care in England. In an effort not to cock it up again, police decided to heal their map, and changed it to this more healthy and ambiguous shape...

Maybe this is a less specific way to find a dangerous criminal, but at least no one has to look at that giant dick.
Professional clowns are upset about recent media reports of creepy clown sightings in Greensville, South Carolina. Clowns were allegedly trying to lure children into the woods by offering them money. It's a terrifying tale that obviously makes sensational headlines, especially when the Greensville police became officially involved. No clowns have been captured yet, probably because they retreat to the sewer or nightmare dimension from whence they came. Naturally, some professional clowns are upset about all the bad press. Mike Becvar, aka Sir Toony Van Dukes, spoke with "The New York Times" about his concern, "I wonder how the reporting on the story would go if instead of clowns, people were dressing up as aliens, witches, zombies or doctors? What if they were wearing hospital scrubs, lab coats and a stethoscope around their neck. Would the news report that doctors were hiding in the woods trying to lure kids with candy?” Yes, Sir Toony, the news would report multiple stories of anyone in any professional attire trying to lure kids into the woods with money. If there are actual terror clowns in South Carolina, hopefully they're rounded up and hilariously jammed into the backseat of a small police car.
So, Gene Wilder passed away last week as yo probably know... I was thinking of his movies and one of my favorites was Heroes For Hire! Do you remember that one? Here's the movie poster in case you don't.

He was so good as Iron Fist. Haha. It's pumpkin season... gag. Some companies are taking this whole pumpkin thing a little too far.

See what I mean? A few days ago it was the 50th anniversary of "Star Trek." And no, I was never on that show. This is not me...

I don't have curly hair. The girl is cute though. Is he playing guitar? That's so odd. Hey, it's the Phile's 10th anniversary and I have been showing you what people look like when they read this little blog. Like this girl...

Must be a Mindphuck that has her looking so serious. It's back to school season and I am gonna show you some crazy back to school pics. Like this one...

If you didn't wear a choker in 1995, you didn't live. That deer is creepy. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Startling Similarities Between "Stranger Things" And The iPhone 7 Announcment
5. Suffused with a sense of pointless mystery.
4. People have never seen anything like it before.
3. Focuses on constantly replacing a phone.
2. Prominently features a lawless, ruthless, Orwellian corporation.
And the number one starting similarity between "Stranger Things" and the announcement of the iPhione 7 is...
1. People are already childishly impatient for the next installment.

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, it's football season like I mentioned. You know what that means. Please welcome back my good friend Jeff Trelewicz for...

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. So, can you believe it's football season again?

Jeff: It is glorious to be back on the Phile once again! Glad to be back! Nothing like the start of the season where every team believes they have a chance to win it all. Except Cleveland. I believe they are all ready eliminated from next year's playoffs.

Me: Hahaha. How have you been? Are you working on a new book right now?

Jeff: I'm doing okay, I suppose. Nothing much has changed. And that's not a good thing. Oh, well. It is what it is. I am indeed working on another book. "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3" will be released in October. In fact, earlier in the week I revealed the book cover!

Me: What was your last book you had published, Jeff?

Jeff: The last book I released was "Time Traveler's Journal." I also contributed a story to an anthology as well called "Twisted & Sinful Stories."

Me: You should write a book about working at Disney. Ever think about that?

Jeff: Well, if I ever did write a book about Disney, there would not be a shortage of color characters. And I don't mean Mickey and friends, that's for sure!

Me: Yep. Like me. Ha. Okay, let's talk football... First of I have removed ask you about this whole Colin Kaepernick story? When I first heard of it I thought what the hell.

Jeff: I believe that Kaepernick is within his rights to not stand. However if he wants us to take his protests seriously a) stop wearing socks with cartoon policeman as pigs b) Castro shirts at press conferences are unacceptable c) Use your status as an NFL quarterback and do more. He literally is the smallest thing possibly by not standing. I know he said he's donating money, at least that's a start. 

Me: What other NFL news is going on since the break?

Jeff: So many things have happened in the last few months. Brady gave up his fight and will serve a 4 game suspension for Deflategate. The Rams moved back to Los Angeles just in time for the Raiders to possibly move to Vegas. Mark Sanchez has been on three teams since the end of last season. Tony Romo? Hurt again!

Me: That reminds me of a joke... How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish? Mark Sanchez. Hahaha. Do you get it?

Jeff: No, I don't get it. El Broken-O Quarterback-O would make more sense.

Me: Good point. Alright, so, this is the 7th year of Phootball Talk. I think I won the first year and you won the other 5, is that right?

Jeff: That doesn't sound right. I think we each won at least 2. Plus there was that mystery year that someone else won. I should keep track of this better.

Me: Look it up for next week. I did win two, that's when we had a tie breaker year. I think I won two and you won four. So explain what we do here, Jeff.

Jeff: You and I will pick two games for each week of the NFL season while also making up the spread by how much they win by. For each time we're correct, we get two points. If either my team (Steelers) or your team (Giants) win, we will earn another point. Most points at the end of the season wins.

Me: This year do you want to pick just one game or still do two?

Jeff: Doing only one pick a week seems like a waste.

Me: Okay, we'll both pick two teams then. Okay, it's Saturday and we just had a game on Thursday. So we'll pick tomorrow's games, and you'll be back here next Sunday. What do you pick?

Jeff: I'm going to go with Colts by 7 and Seahawks by 3.

Me: I say Packers by 4 and then Chiefs by 8. Good luck, see ya Sunday.

Jeff: See you in a couple of days. May the best person win. Me!

Haha. He looks so happy. Okay, so, my son and I were talking the other day how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together and how much that show has changed. It's just not the same.

Super Grover feels despair for the first time as he realizes that no amount of super strength and speed can save Elmo from genetic defects within his own brain.

Phyllis Schlafly 
August 15th, 1924 — September 5th, 2016
A woman's place is in the cemetery.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum and lead singer for the Orlando based band Hadley's Hope. Their new single "Cage" is available now on Soundcloud and Reverbnation. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Michael Fargnoli.

Me: Hello, Michael, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?

Michael: Doing great! How are you?

Me: Ugh. Don't ask. Haha. So, wait, didn't you have four members in the band? Now there's three? What happened? Wait, did you always have just three people in the band?

Michael: The band has had members come and go over the years. Right now we are back to being a 3 piece with our original drummer Christian Hernandez. We were a 3 piece with him for about 2 years back in the late 2000's. Hadley's Hope even had 5 members at one point.

Me: This year Hadley's Hope is celebrating ten years... just like the Phile. This year as it's the Phile's tenth anniversary I am asking my Alum what they were doing ten years ago. I usually wait to the end of the interview to ask but I thought I would ask now. So, in 1996 what were you doing?

Michael: Well, 1996 was 20 years ago.

Me: You're right. Ha. I meant 2006. But what were you doing in 1996?

Michael: Twenty years ago I was recording piano and vocal demos in my bedroom on a cassette player and overdubbing on them manually to explore the early stages of my songwriting. In 2006, we had just changed the name of my band Studio K to Hadley's Hope and we had just put out our first CD which was an EP called "Live! From LV-426."

Me: You have a new single out called "Cage" which is a very cool song. What is the song about, Michael?

Michael: "Cage" is a very personal song for me... probably one of my most personal. It is about being at a point in your life where you feel like you are at a combination of all of the following: a cross-roads, a dead end, a revelation, and a strange sense of peace and frustration.

Me: The song is available as a free download on Reverbnation... will you be putting it up on iTunes? 

Michael: Yes. It will be included on our next album which will be available on iTunes.

Me: I just read iTunes is going away... did you hear that as well?

Michael: No, I haven't heard about that.

Me: What do you think about that though?

Michael: There are many other digital outlets that seem easier to navigate so maybe it would be a good thing for it to go away.

Me: MP3's was a big part of the band coming together, is that right?

Michael: I am not sure I understand the question. If you are referring to MP3.com... I did have a lot of my early music up on that website for a long time.

Me: Okay, how has the band changed from "Bells & Strings," the first release to the new song "Cage" or the last album "Shame"?

Michael: We have really developed our sound since that first album. We are definitely better at our instruments and my voice has changed for the better as well. I found my voice so to speak during the recording of "Shame" and now this new album is definitely going to showcase our maturity as well as our new creative streak.

Me: You do most or all the song writing for the band, am I right? How often do you think of a song, Michael?

Michael: Actually that is incorrect. I write all the lyrics. Musically the songs are written by myself and Kyle. There is a pretty even split nowadays where I will write a handful of songs, Kyle will write a handful of songs, we will then collaborate on them together and there are some songs we write together from the beginning. In the first couple albums, yes, I contributed more songs musically. As far as how often do I think of a song, it depends on how creative I am feeling. For the album we are currently working on I spent about a few weeks just power writing every day. There was a period about 10 years ago where I think I spent about 5 years writing a a few new songs every week.

Me: What normally comes first? Lyrics or music?

Michael: Well, lately and especially for this new album, the music came first and then I worked on lyrics and melodies to add to the songs. In the past, it was a combination of music first, lyrics first, or even music and lyrics at the same time!

Me: You're the lead singer and keyboardist... do you play guitar as well?

Michael: No, but I just started learning how to play the bass. Kyle is teaching me!

Me: I don't now if I asked you this before, but how old were you when you started playing keyboards?

Michael: I started playing the piano when I was about 3 or 4 and started learning it with a teacher when I was 5.

Me: You guys are an Orlando based band, but do you ever get to perform outside Orlando?

Michael: Yes, we have performed outside of Orlando throughout central Florida, as well as both the east and west coasts of Florida.

Me: Do you have a favorite gig you guys ever played?

Michael: Yes! The most recent show we played is my favorite show ever. It was at House of Blues Orlando in January and we had the largest audience and I cannot describe in words the feeling I got from playing that show.

Me: Michael, is there a band you would love to open for or tour with if you can?

Michael: Radiohead.

Me: That's cool. I went to school with the drummer from Radiohead. So, are you guys working on a new album?

Michael: Yes, we are halfway through the recording of what will be our fifth album. So far the experience has been incredible and we are very proud of the first single "Cage."

Me: I have to ask this, if the band ever broke up, would you go solo? Have you ever thought about that?

Michael: Well, if the band ever actually "broke up"... I would most likely work on a solo album, yes. 

Me: Alright, my friend, go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wish to mention. I hope this was fun again. Please come back when your next release comes out.

Michael: Thank you!  Right now our music can be found on the following websites: facebook.com/HadleysHopeMusic, soundcloud.com/hadleys_hope,  reverbnation.com/HadleysHope, Twitter: hadleys_hope, Instagram: hadleys_hope.

Me: Good job, Michael. See ya around the park.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Michael Fargnoli. The Phile will be back on Monday with Phile Alum Lee Negin. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Hetty Clark

Hello, welcoke to the Phile for a Labor Day. The day we celebrate women giving birth. How are you?    Did you survive Hurricane Hermine? I'm so glad they released a poster for the survivors...

You're welcome. So, like I said, it's Labor Day, which is a great opportunity to reflect on what you failed to accomplish this summer. For those that don't know Labor Day is a fitting tribute to the contributions of American workers in industries other than those that recently destroyed America. Okay, let's start with a story about Brock Turner, the Stanford rapist who received the ridiculously lenient sentence of six months after raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, has just been released after only three months. His time was halved for "good behavior." Turner, dressed like he is ready to meet his boys for cocktails, kept his eyes down the whole time and ignored reporters as he stepped toward a white SUV. The only question that can be made out is, "Are you going to say you're sorry Brock?" He gave no response, which is to be expected considering his best known method of communication is texting pictures of his victim's breasts. Judge Persky, the man who gifted Turner the light punishment due to "special circumstances" (being a privileged white Olympic hopeful), has voluntarily removed himself from hearing criminal cases starting next week due to the public outcry against him. According to the AP, Turner will move back to Ohio to live with his parents while he serves three years of supervised probation, and he must register as a sex offender for life. The package he is carrying is hate mail the jail collected for him to receive upon release. Looks like he'll have plenty of reading material on his trip back to freedom.
Fewer American teens are getting pregnant, and the reason is... Birth control! That makes sense, given that it's called birth control. Births by teenagers ages 15 to 19 decreased by 36% between 2007 and 2013, according to federal data. You might think that's because teens had stopped having sex, but haha, no. A new study, which was published online in the "Journal of Adolescent Health," found that teens are not having less sex and they're also having fewer abortions. In that case, all signs point to teens using more birth control. Researchers found teens were using all types of birth control more often and were more likely to combine methods (such as, say, condoms and the pill). In 2016, there's basically a buffet of options to keep your uterus empty. So which method is best? According to the study's lead author, Laura Lindberg from the Guttmacher Institute, what matters most is that you use anything. "If a teen uses no method they have an 85 percent chance of getting pregnant [within a year]," said Lindberg. "Using anything is way more effective than that 85 percent risk." She added that the best method for teens is "one that they are willing and able to use." The world is your oyster!
Air travel! It's always an adventure. Last Monday evening, a Southwest flight was taxiing down the runway in Baltimore when a passenger reached into the seat pouch in front of her to find a mysterious six inch gold cylindrical device. "What could it possibly be?" none of us wonder. The passenger immediately alerted flight staff, who stopped the plane. The flight was then evacuated and search teams checked the aircraft thoroughly but did not find any threats. Passengers were then searched before they re-boarded, and the flight took off and arrived at its destination in Denver. So what was the mysterious device?? Obviously we're all thinking, "It's a vibrator. Duh." But no, it was actually a vibrating anti-wrinkle device called a Bar 24k Golden Anti-aging Skin Roller which is reportedly a hot selling item in Japan and Taiwan. Pictured here...

Okay, sure. It's an anti-wrinkle device. And the Hitachi magic wand is a back massager. Officers could not return the device to its owner, who remains unknown, so it is currently being held by aviation police who say they're "not sure what to do with it right now." Maybe they should use it on their skin to prevent the (natural) effects of aging? JK. Store that thing away in a plastic bag, because it's a vibrator.
Rejoice, for "Stranger Things" is getting a second season, and there will be justice for Barb. Netflix's "Stranger Things" has confirmed that there's a second season coming in 2017, giving its fans something to look forward to as we trudge through the rest of this awful election year. The teaser trailer released August 31th includes the names of the nine new episodes: "Madmax," "The Boy Who Came Back To Life," "The Pumpkin Patch," "The Palace," "The Storm," "The Pollywog," "The Secret Cabin," "The Brain," and "The Lost Brother." That's right, nine episodes, compared to the first season's eight. The makers know we need more, more, more! The trailer doesn't include any footage or other information about the upcoming season, but it does feature the same excellent eerie synth soundtrack by Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein (two of the four members of the Austin band Survive), so it's probably safe to assume they'll be scoring this season, too. The only other thing confirmed for the second season is that there will indeed be JUSTICE FOR BARB! In case you still haven't watched the first season of the Netflix original show, what on earth (or anywhere else) are you waiting for?
Ready for your day to be ruined? BuzzFeed News is reporting that there may be people dressed as clowns lurking around South Carolina, trying to lure children into the woods using candy and money. You will have plenty of time to think about how scary that is now that you will never sleep again.
According BuzzFeed, several people have spotted and complained about seeing multiple clowns in Greenville, South Carolina. There have apparently been enough sightings to warrant the property manager of Greenville's Fleetwood Manor apartments to issue this statement to residents, "There has been several conversations and a lot of complaints to the office regarding a clown or a person dressed in clown clothing taking children or trying to lure children in the woods. First and foremost at Fleetwood Manor Apartments children's [sic] safety is a top priority. At no time should a child be alone at night, or walking in the roads or wooded areas at night. Also if a person or persons are seen you are to immediately call the police. Greenville County Police Department is aware of the situation and have been riding [sic] the property daily. Remember there is a 10pm curfew for the property so to ensure your children's [sic] safety please keep them in the house during night hours and make sure at ALL times children are supervised. Anymore information that becomes regarding this issue will be sent out to all residents." On top of this, at least one person has filed a police report. In the report, Donna Arnold, mother of two boys ages 10 and 13, said that one of her sons reported seeing clowns on the edge of the woods behind their apartment complex, "whispering and making strange noises." Her older son also reported hearing "chains and banging" at the door of their home. Donna's husband, James, also reported that his sons had said, "Some had chains, some had knives, and some were holding out money, saying, ‘Come here, we’ve got candy for you,’ but they wouldn’t go." Another resident reported seeing a clown standing alone under a street light around 2:30am. one morning. The clown waved at her and she waved back, and the clown did not approach her BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON THERE HOW DID SHE NOT PEE HER PANTS RIGHT THEN AND THERE? Oh, and the cherry on top of the creepy clown cake? Residents are theorizing that the group of clowns live in an abandoned house at the end of a man-made trail in the middle of the woods. Cool. Well. Nightmares are real and they are in South Carolina.
It's back to school season, and your Facebook feed is likely flooded with your friends' kids' first day of school pictures. It brings back lots of memories of first day jitters, excitement, and of course the all important back to school outfit. Today's kids will have to wait a few years for their back to school fashions to humiliate them, but that time will come. Oh yes, it will come. Until then, for the next few weeks I will show you some awkward first day throwback photos, and be glad you started grade school before the Internet. Maybe I will find one of my back to school pictures. Maybe.

Pretty confident you could buy this outfit at H&M right now. So, do you kids have a Fitbit? There's been a few times I was gonna buy one but I'd probably never wear it... then again they do have Fitbit badges now for lazy people.

So, with that clown story I mentioned it made me remember the new Stephen King movie that is out... for some reason.

Hahaha. So stupid. So... "Stranger Thnings"... seems like it's not that of an original concept, or someone is cashing in on it.

I love it! So, it's pumpkin season I guess... man, I hate the taste of pumpkins. Anyay, some companies are taking this pumpkin thing a little too far. This is a 100% real item, kids.

Why?! Alright, so, one of the things I like to do in the little spare time I have it to go on Twitter and look up certain words. One of those words I look up is "Foghat" and this is a tweet I recently saw...

Hmmm. There's so many things I could say right now, but won't. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Trump Did In Mexico

5. Tried to keep calm admidst all the "rapists and murderers."

4. Introduced himself as Donald Trump-o, next-o president-o American-o!

3. Scouted factory locations for Trump Ties, Trump Suits and Make America Great Again caps.

2. Asked President Enrique Peña Nieto, "Who's this 'Dirty Sanchez' I keep hearing about from Roger Ailes?"

And the the number one thing Trump did in Mexico was...

1. Enjoyed a late lunch with El Chapo.

Oh, Target. If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Being Labor Day I don't know too much what to say about it, but I know someone who would. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good morning humans... Happy Labor Day. So, here's a random thought. Nobody ever bitches about it being Monday when it's a Monday on a three day weekend due to it being a holiday. While we're at it... since it's called Labor Day, we should take all the able bodied parasites (who are capable of working but refuse to... and then get a welfare check) and make THEM work today. Why not? They have the REST of the year off, WITH PAY... to enjoy themselves while WE go to work and pay their share of the taxes that pay for welfare and health care... for the lazy. But I guess I'm a prick for saying that out loud... I guess I'm wrong... I guess I'm insensitive... Must be me, right?

Good point, Laird. So, my son and I were talking about his we watched "Seasame Street" together when he was a kid. Well, this pheature shows you how the show is not the same.

"Have you ever heard about sounding, Bert? It's when you insert a long, thing object in your urethra. I can fit two straws in there side by side."

Gene Wilder
June 11th, 1933 — August 29th, 2016
Got his golden ticket punched.

Steven Hill 
February 24th, 1922 — August 23rd, 2016
Going down, Hill.

Pumpkin Spice Latte
A pumpkin spice latte is the only thing white girls can even.

Today's guest is a singer from England whose new EP "High" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Hetty Clark.

Me: Hello, Hetty, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Hetty: Hi! I am happy to be on the Phile, thanks so much for having me! 

Me: Okay, so, I have to ask you about your name first... I was gonna comment it's very English sounding, and then I read you are from England. Ha! So, what part of England are you from? 

Hetty: Yes, I am from the U.K. and I am kind of happy that I will never escape my Englishness because of my name! My first home was in Islington, North London (though in the late 70s it was not the hip, affluent area that it is now!) We moved out to Hertfordshire, to an amazing house with a beautiful rambling garden. Rural Hertfordshire is all that you imagine English countryside to be; very green with lots of sheep! Now, like all the home counties, you get Starbucks and suburbia creeping in to the towns but the countryside is incredible considering it’s only an hour north of London. 

Me: I am originally from London myself, Hetty. So, how long have you been in the states? 

Hetty: I had no idea you are from London! Whereabouts are you from in London?

Me: I was born in Balham.

Hetty: Balham is great... some of my best friends live there. I moved to L.A. 3 years ago on the back of a project my husband was working on. It was going to be Seoul, South Korea but then at the last minute it was L.A. After a particularly grueling British winter I was totally up for a move to California! 

Me: Cool. Anyway, back to your name... are you named after somebody? You don't meet too many people with the same name I am guessing. Anyway, I like it. 

Hetty: Thanks so much! I’m not named after anyone as far as I know. I like how Hetty is a little retro sounding. 

Me: So, Adrienne VanDeRocker who I interviewed a few months ago suggested we get I contact with each other and I interview you. That's one of my favorite things about this stupid little blog... how my guests connect me to different people. So, how long have you known Adrienne? 

Hetty: I first met Adrienne as I became good friends with her sister-in-law and so I immediately went to check out her music, which I love. I sought her advise on venues and where to play here in L.A. She was fantastic and very helpful, a really cool girl. 

Me: So, what do you think of her album "Jupiter's Kiss?" Have you heard it? 

Hetty: I dig her album and think it is a great combination of high-octane alternative rock, with a really nice retro feel. I love how the album is infused with electronica too and this gives it a fresh edge. I think her band expanding will continue to evolve and sound fantastic. 

Me: Have you ever worked together or played together? 

Hetty: We haven’t worked together as such but I am in her network and so it would be fantastic to play together sometime. Actually she is expanding her band right now so you never know! 

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music. You have a new EP out called "High." This is not your first release, is it? 

Hetty: Yes, my debut EP was released in April 2015, "Laughing in the Dark." Josh Ricchio (Sing Engine Records) also produced this EP. 

Me: Did you write the songs on the EP yourself? 

Hetty: This current EP began with me writing piano sketches and lyrics but overall the EP is a collaborative project between myself, Josh Ricchio, who produced the EP and Tom Marshall who I play live with. Two of the tracks, "Nighthawker" and "The Best Is Yet To Come" began as Ricchio’s instrumental and I then wrote the lyric/vocal. So overall it was a very interesting project to be a part of, and I learnt a lot. 

Me: How would you describe this new EP to your past work? 

Hetty: I think in this EP my writing style has shifted a little more into a dream pop world, whereas before the style was alternative indie pop. I definitely feel that each project enables you to refine the sound that you feel best encapsulates the mood and message that you are offering up to your listeners.  

Me: So, how did "High" get to be the title, Hetty? 

Hetty: The title came to me because the songs as a collection are all in someway quite dreamy, yet dark at the same time. The EP is about how we are never fixed in any one moment but constantly shifting between feeling high or elated to the opposite darkness and everything in between. I think the songs dramatize how transient life is and it’s about finding the beauty in this. 

Me: So, when was the EP recorded? 

Hetty: So, the songs went through various revisions and many different mixes as all songs do but this meant that the EP ended up taking longer to produce. I think we started in around October 2015. At the time I had just finished writing some songs that were due to be released as an EP but instead they are now signed to SyncStories, a Music Publishing company in Santa Monica. 

Me: I hear a lot of Everything But The Girl in your music, Hetty. Are you a fan of that band? 

Hetty: I am a huge fan, yes undoubtedly! I love how the lyric and the music feel like they are in perfect sync, and there is a sort of mesmerizing inevitability about the songs and how they ended up sounding. I am sure the process was no way close to being so straightforward! I think Tracey Thorne has the most amazing natural sounding voice. She has a completely inimitable sound that is truly her own and to me this is the mark of a great vocalist. I love singers like Adele, and Alicia Keyes and admire so much their impressive vocal ranges, but I am also really attracted to voices that are powerful in an understated style. There can be an arrestingly beautiful quality to a voice that does not demand to be heard. 

Me: Who else are your influences?  

Hetty: The early 90s Bristol trip-hop scene inspires me and there definitely seems to be quite a revival of this going on. There are so many bands that influence me but I love Massive Attack, Portishead, Rosin Murphy, Fiona Apple, The xx, Haelos, Bat for Lashes and London Grammar. 

Me: Do you get to perform a lot of shows in and around L.A.? 

Hetty: I haven’t been performing too much lately as I have been concentrating on writing and recording. I would love to play some shows soon and plan on doing so. 

Me: Do you go to see many shows yourself? 

Hetty: I have just been to F.Y.F. and saw Grace Jones. She is such an iconic performer and what an inspiration to be rocking it with such panache at 68! I love getting out to shows. One of favorite venues here in L.A. is the Echo because I love a smaller intimate venue. I went to see Kate Tempest there, she is an incredible rapper/poet. I also love going to the Ace Hotel. 

Me: Do you remember what the first concert you ever saw was? 

Hetty: Actually my thing was raves, way before I was into seeing bands. I got totally caught up in the rave scene in London aged around 15 or so. At that time illegal raves were everywhere in warehouses and disused spaces and for a few years house music was obsessively my thing! Friday night at Heaven (you probably went yourself?) was awesome; the DJ’s were insane! It was a proper sweaty night out, gloves and whistles the lot in true early 90s style! I subsequently had to educate myself on bands as I had missed out on a few years of seeing live music. Saying that I was really into Velvet Underground, the Stones Roses and the Smashing Pumpkins. 

Me: I have never been to a rave. Haha. Growing up in England, did you listen to a lot of Top 40 on Radio 1? 

Hetty: I sure did when I lived there for a few years in the 80s. Absolutely Radio 1 was and still is the best place to check out new bands. Then of course there was John Peel, what an inspiration he was and his sessions introduced listeners to eclectic, emerging bands. 

Me: You went to university in Scotland, am I right? Where did you go and what did you study? 

Hetty: I was lucky enough to go to Edinburgh where I got a Masters degree in English Literature. In Scotland the Masters are all 4-year courses but in my 3rd year I lived in Madrid on an exchange Erasmus programme. I got to speak Spanish, stay up all night far too regularly and not do much in the way of studying for a year. It was heaven! 

Me: So, have you traveled around the states at all? 

Hetty: I have been lucky enough to travel in California & Utah and I’ve been to New York but not as yet travelled extensively within the states. I long to go to New Orleans, Portland, Austin, Texas, so many places. 

Me: Hetty, your music is relaxing which is a good thing. Are you relaxed when you write it?  

Hetty: Thank you so much! Writing takes me to a quiet place inside myself, so typically I am at my most relaxed unless I get really antagonized when it’s not going so well. It is the highs and lows of writing that I find so addictive. 

Me: What comes first, the music or lyrics? 

Hetty: I think previously I would have said the lyric, but the more I write I realize that for a song to reach people it has to have a clear definable structure with catchy hooks. At the end of the day you want people to remember the song and be able to hum the tune. I think this is the most important test of a good song, but if a song is going to stick I think the lyric needs to have a life of it’s own too. 

Me: You also did a song with Will Pharoah... is that a band or a person? 

Hetty: Will Pharoah is a production duo made up of Josh Ricchio (formerly Freak Owls) and Kolby Wade based in N.Y.  Ricchio is now based here in L.A. He created Sing Engine Records, which is a boutique record label, and together they write, publish and release works by many emerging and established artists. I have been writing with Josh since I met him in 2014 and he has been really instrumental in helping me develop my sound. 

Me: Do you like performing and working on your own stuff or with somebody else? 

Hetty: I work a lot on my own developing ideas lyrically and melodically and I really enjoy this but I also need to be working collaboratively with others to get inspired. Writing songs is a really intimate thing and for me it is all about getting in the room with other musicians and if there is a good chemistry you know you are on to something! Since living here in L.A. I have been really fortunate to work with a number of musicians, from diverse genres and it’s been great to learn and share ideas. 

Me: So, what's next for you, Hetty? A lot of promotion for your EP I am guessing. 

Hetty: I have just started an exciting new writing project with Ned Douglas, (Dave Stewart’s engineer). The intention behind the project is to create songs that are direct, raw and unforced. We are both really into dark, moody electronic music so I am excited to see how this project will unfold. 

Me: Alright, so, Adrienne hooked us up... so, is there anybody you can recommend I interview? 

Hetty: I would love to recommend my friend Lettie. She is a London based electro pop singer songwriter. She is a unique talent so please check her out and send her my love! 

Me: You are new to social networking, right? Do you wanna mention your website or Facebook? 

Hetty: I am fairly new to social media so it’s all a work in progress! Please check out my website for updates on my new project: hettyclark.com, Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/hetty-clark, Facebook: facebook.com/Hettyclarkmusic, and itunes.apple.com/us/album/high-feat.-tom-marshall-josh/id1144616737.   

Me: Hetty, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope it was fun and I hope you'll come back again. If you see Adrienne tell her I said hello. All the best.  

Hetty: Thanks so much for having me on the Phile, and hope to be back soon! I will pass on your best to Adrienne. 

Me: Good job. Thanks, Hetty. 

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and of course Hetty. The Phile will be back next Saturday with Phile Alum Michael Fargnoli from Hadley's Hope. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Tooting is the best!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker