Hey there, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday. Are you having a hard time and keep touching your face? You know if you keep a glass of wine, or a bottle of beer, in each hand you can't accidentally touch your face. This just in... King Felipe VI quarantined to his jet. Madrid news reports that reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane. Haha. I'm so stupid. I don't sleep that great last night, I think I broke my big toe on my left foot somehow. So, the CDC said today you need to wear N95s at all times when in contact with a possible COVID-19 patient.
Finally some hopeful news! And I promise this is a coronavirus update you’ll want to hear. Wuhan, China, the first city to officially report cases of the coronavirus and Hubei Province’s provincial capital, is officially celebrating the end of their lockdown. After 76 days of being sealed off from the world, Wuhan residents are now allowed to leave the city within reason. Since January 23rd, 11 million people had been following strict lockdown measures in the city of Wuhan. Wuhan residents could only leave their homes or where they were staying for necessities, but those who lived in buildings with confirmed cases were not permitted to leave their residential compounds at all. Travel restrictions were enforced heavily, confining even tourists to the city. The Chinese government is still monitoring, however, specific residential compounds where coronavirus outbreaks have confined people completely. Cleared Wuhan residents are still encouraged to stay home as much as possible, and a government approved app that contains medical histories and tracks cellphone locations dictates who’s allowed to move around and who isn’t based on a color-coding system. When the lockdown ended at midnight, yesterday morning, the entire city of Wuhan lit up in celebration. Crowds cheered and sang the Chinese national anthem, while animations of medical workers treating the sick lit up skyscrapers. People emphasized how excited they were to be reunited with family members and friends. According to Associated Press, 65,000 people left Wuhan for the first time since being released from the lockdown spurned from the coronavirus outbreak. Originally, Wuhan held most of the 82,000 coronavirus cases in China and 2,500 out of the 3,300 Chinese coronavirus deaths. Because of the strict enforcement, new cases have steadily declined to the point where there were no new reported cases. The ruling Communist Party’s flagship newspaper, People’s Daily, made sure to state in an editorial that “this day does not mark the final victory. At this moment, we still need to remind ourselves that as Wuhan is unblocked, we can be pleased, but we must not relax.” Prevention measures are still to be taken to prevent the spread of the virus in Wuhan like wearing face masks, consistently checking temperatures, and limiting access to residential communities. Wuhan’s government officials made sure to prepare properly for the reopening of public transport systems. Party Secretary Wang Zhonglin, the city’s highest-ranking official, ensured that all modes of public transport were prepared by Monday before the end of the lockdown for the masses that would be using them all at once. SWAT teams and staff in hazmat suits patrolled the outside the city’s Hankou railway station. Of course, there are still some public health concerns now that the Wuhan lockdown has been lifted. However, I’d like to see the positive side where the city of Wuhan quarantined until they got to a point of no new cases. Let’s hope the United States can follow China’s example at least. So moral of the story, take lockdown measures seriously: wash your hands, wear masks, social distance, and stay at home. Maybe we can turn our state of emergency around sooner than we think too. Amidst the global COVID-19 pandemic, how do you feel about the end of the Wuhan lockdown?
A 27-year-old mother who is accused of beheading her five-year-old daughter was sentenced to life in prison. Krystle Villanueva was arrested after authorities arrived at her home in Austin, Texas, where they discovered the mom had stabbed her daughter, Giovanna Hernandez, and then decapitated her. Police were first notified by Villanueva’s father-in-law who was also stabbed in the head and the back by the mom but managed to escape and run out of the house to call 911. After officers surrounded the home, Villanueva reportedly called 911 and told the operator that she had killed her daughter because “she asked for cereal.” The SWAT team was able to break down the door in an attempt to save Giovanni but found Villanueva freshly showered and was naked in the front room. The child’s body was found stabbed and decapitated in her bedroom. According to Hays County Sheriff Gary Cutler, after being a law enforcement officer for 43 years, eleven years as a homicide detective, this is one of the worst cases he’s ever been a part of. Villanueva’s conviction of capital murder comes after a two-week trial, where her defense team argued that she was not guilty by reason of insanity. Hays County District Attorney Wes Mau stated, “Ms. Villanueva claimed that, at the time of the attacks, she had been under the delusional belief that her daughter and her father-in-law had been replaced by clones and had to be killed to bring back her real family members. While evidence indicated that Ms. Villanueva had been treated previously for mental problems, the prosecution pointed out that all such treatment coincided with prior drug abuse.” At the time of her arrest, authorities noted her blood tested positive for the presence of alcohol and marijuana. Mau did note that a case like this leaves a very unforgettable mark on everyone that was involved, especially the child’s family. He noted, “Every law enforcement member who worked on this case will forever be traumatized by what Ms. Villanueva did to her innocent daughter. I commend all the investigators and officers who endured this horror with calm professionalism so that justice could be done."
Geesh, talk about crappy customer service. What’s up with Mcdonald’s employees throwing items at customers? I get that sometimes a wild Karen appears and ruins our day, but no need to get that physical, ladies, and gents. But, I guess we all have different ways to manage our anger, right? Turns out a worker at a McDonalds in the Bronx was quickly arrested after allegedly smashing a coffee pot of hot water over the head of a customer. Yup, so nonchalantly. What exactly was the customer doing? Well, they haven’t said. My thought was that he probably asked for more sauce and refused to complain. Or maybe he was just giving these employees a hard time. Who knows, really? All we know is that the worker, Emonie Reed, told police she and the man had a verbal dispute, at the restaurant’s drive-thru window and he spit at her. Maybe because the ice cream machine was broken? That’s my guess, so she did what she had to do. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning this at all, but hey, I get it.
So yeah, that’s when the McDonald’s worker just grabbed the coffee pot and smashed it right on his face. Because well, ain’t nobody got time to get diseases or the coronavirus thanks to rude customers. The New York Police department said the employee managed to cut the left side of his neck. So, he was taken to St. Barnabas Hospital but was in stable condition. Thank God, can you imagine if his employee would have cut a vein or something? Yikes! The pain, the horror. Still, seeing as how this is highly illegal and dangerous, she was arrested. The 24-year-old was escorted out by police at the fast-food restaurant and was charged with two counts of assault, criminal possession of a weapon, and reckless endangerment. Because well, this could have gone way, way worse. She’s lucky, really. If she gets a good lawyer she would probably get off with some community service. But of course, we all know this could have been avoided either way. Hey guys, I know working at restaurants and retail stores is tough. But don’t ruin your life for some rude customers who can’t handle their anger management issues. Be better! Be the better man… or woman. Also, stop throwing stuff at people, okay?
If you believe that, when it comes to the quality of a male sex partner, it’s not about the size of the boat but, rather, the motion of the ocean, in large part because your part isn’t large, then good news! There’s a new dating site for you. Appropriately named Dinky One, their logo is also undeniably brilliant, the site works to connect less endowed men with the lovers who prefer their type. Here's the logo...
Ellen DeGeneres is facing some intense online backlash after making a joke about prison in the at-home rendition of her show. Because of the coronavirus lockdown, Ellen decided to film a short version of her show with the help of her wife Portia de Rossi. "I wanted to start doing my new show as soon as possible because it's really for people who are stuck at home, and especially my staff and crew. I love them, I miss them, and the best thing I can do to support them is to keep the show on the air," she shared in her first living room episode. While the episode started out innocent enough, with expressions of gratitude for first responders and healthcare workers, things went south quick when Ellen compared quarantining to being incarcerated. "One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that this is like being in jail," she joked. She continued, "It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for ten days and everyone in here is gay." People were quick to jump online and point out how asinine it is to compare staying inside a mansion to the experience of incarceration. It wasn't long before people pulled up receipts of just how expensive her home is, to hammer in the extreme bad taste of the joke. One woman shut down Ellen's jokes by point out just how much danger her daughter is in, and claimed the talk show host's complaints about staying home are a gross exercise in privilege. Others also brought up the fact that rich people love to use prison jokes as a punchline without having any idea how brutal the reality is. Of course, on top of the scathing and more serious responses, there were a lot of memes bemoaning Ellen's foot-in-mouth. This isn't the first time people have dressed down Ellen's reputation in the past few months, back in March the podcast host Kevin Porter launch a thread of stories about how rude Ellen is off-screen. In order to counter the negativity, Porter matched each of the stories with a donation to the L.A. Food Bank. All this is to say, Ellen may have been America's sweetheart on television for a long time, but it appears the tables are rapidly turning on her in this time of increasing class tension.
I mentioned this yesterday on the Phile, if you go to watch the Star Wars movie Revenge of the Sith on Disney+ you might notice a few changes.
When Broadway reopens in New York some shows will have different names and slightly different plots, like this one...
Are you a Beatles fan? I am. Did you know there's a rare Beatles single that not many people know about? Check it out...
"Glove Me Do." Hahaha. "I Don't Want to Hold Your Hand." Haha. It's good to wear masks and gloves when you go out but some people are taking it just a little bit too far.
So, did you see the news conference where Dr. Fauci discussed a new life-saving face mask?
Some people are using the coronavirus as pickup lines on dating apps...
Haha. Hey, future kids, this is Julia Roberts...
That's so dumb. Haha. This is April versus March...
Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Things Said By People Struggling With Their Quarantine Routine
5. Wake up, check if Nintendo Switch is back in stock anywhere, cry, look at "Animal Crossing" posts.
4. Routine is SO important during quarantine. That's why everyday I make sure I get up, sit hunched over on the edge of my bed, and scroll through every social media outlet for 6 to 8 hours.
3. The five pillars of my lockdown workout routine. 10 Get up, being "absolutely determined' to exercise 2) Get out weights, ready to "ramp up" my fitness 3) Look at weights for six hours with a "clear commitment" to lifting them 4) Put weights away 5) Pour big fucking gin.
2. Daily routine: use my phone, charge my phone, use my phone while charging.
And the number one thing said by a person struggling with their quarantine routine is...
1. My quarantine routine is very simple. I wake up and go insane.
This is stupid, but if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, divorce makes weddings complicated. A dad emailed me asking whether he'd be a jerk to threaten not to attend his daughters' weddings if they refuse to invite his wife, their stepmom. In the soap opera version of the story, the stepmom is an extremely younger woman who broke up their parents' marriage, but this dad wasn't the cheater, he was the cheatee.
"My two younger daughters (27 and 30) are both getting married next year. Their mother and I divorced 13 years ago. It was a bad breakup when I caught her in an affair but she didn’t want to divorce. Anyways, I’ve remarried to my current wife for eight years now and we’re very happy to have found each other." The daughters are firmly Team Mom and Anti-Stepmom. "The issue: when my oldest daughter got married, my wife wasn’t invited to spare my ex-wife’s feelings. She struggled to recover from the split and never remarried nor dated. We’re now on amicable terms but she still tries to 'rekindle' things even though I’ve shut her down too many times to count. Regardless, for my oldest’s wedding my wife stayed home to keep the peace. Now my younger daughters want to do the same thing this time and exclude my wife in rather rude ways. I told them early on that I would like to bring my wife of nearly a decade since I’m paying for both of their weddings. But we just received news that my wife will be told to stay home yet again. I told my daughters this won’t work for me this time and I can’t allow them to snub my wife like this after so many years." They don't respect their dad/Sugar Daddy enough to invite his wife, so he wants to throw down the gauntlet.
"My daughters see this as me choosing my wife over them but I completely disagree. I just think they’ve got no real reason to exclude my wife at this point after eight years of marriage. They say it’s because my ex-wife will get sad and surly seeing us together, but it’s been 13 years since we divorced. Am I a jerk to tell them that they shouldn’t be excluding my wife and if they do I can choose not to attend?" It's always exciting to read an email with two "Bridezillas" for the price of one! You, sir, are not a jerk, and your daughters totally suck. They might be your children but they're not actual children and shouldn't behave as such. The only hiccup is that you acquiesced for the first daughter, which set a precedent. You aren't choosing your wife over them, they're choosing their mother over you. Nip this in the bud now. Otherwise there will be years of Christmases where you will be leaving your wife alone at home to spend it with the daughters, grandkids and ex-wife because mommy still has an issue with daddy being remarried and happy. I think it's time they pay for their own weddings if they care so little for your feelings and happiness. One thing we can all agree on: the cheating mom sure is an asshole. If you have a problem and you want me to help then email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com.
Toilet paper hoarders. End of sentence. Hey, it's Thursday, you know what that means.
That one isn't too bad, right? Okay, so here's another story from...
A family in Florida got the scare of their lives after their Whirlpool refrigerator exploded inside their home. According to Mark Ligondie, the refrigerator caused a significant amount of damage to several rooms in the home. Luckily, their next door neighbor, Joshua Perez, heard the explosion and quickly ran inside the house to help the family get out safely. Ligondie said he was asleep in his room when he heard a loud bang. He quickly ran from his bedroom to the kitchen, where he saw the refrigerator had been blown apart with fumes coming out from everywhere. The odor from the fumes was so strong, Ligondie said they made his eyes sting. The fridge managed to expand, bending the metal of the stove. What was odd to the family was the fact that their refrigerator was only four months old. Luckily, no one was hurt and the fire department showed up and cleared the home. Ligondie believes the incident is a wake-up call for all homeowners, stating one can never be too careful when it comes to kitchen appliances. Unfortunately, the home suffered significant damage, including several cracks in the ceiling and in nearby walls, as well as heavy damage to the master bedroom, and a bedroom window is missing. Whirlpool released a statement saying they are committed to providing safe products for consumers and are working quickly to look into this incident. So how exactly can a fridge explode? Well, inside the fridge is a compressor that constricts a gaseous refrigerant inside pipes in the walls of the fridge. This causes it to raise the coolant’s temperature and gas to pump into radiator-like fins. These conduct the heat, and as the coolant’s temperature drops, it turns to liquid. As the temperature of the coolant rises, it becomes gas. So, as consequence, the back of the fridge can get extremely hot, which can ultimately cause overheating, and become a fire hazard. Yup. You learn something new every day.
The 120th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Phile Alum Salman Rushdie will be the guest on the Phile on Wednesday. Now do you want to laugh?
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for 200 dollars. They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side." The vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance buy this cow in Illinois?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?" The vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
Today's guest is a singer-songwriter whose indie rock solo project is Snail Mail. Her latest album "Lush" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Lindsey Jordan.
Me: Hey, Lindsey, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Lindsey: I'm okay. Thank you.
Me: So, things happened pretty quickly for your band Snail Mail, right? How do you feel about that?
Lindsey: I think my expectations were pretty low. I was really hoping that we could play like 300 cap type shows and maybe go to the west coast instead we've kinda been all over the world now which is cool.
Me: Give me one highlight from the band so far, Lindsey.
Lindsey: We went to a bunch of different parts of Asia which was really cool. All the shows were sold out and people really knew all the words. It was insane.
Me: Was that bizarre for you?
Lindsey: It's so cool. People from half around the world from me who had different experiences than me singing my words back to me. It's amazing.
Me: So, I like the album "Lush." What's your favorite song from it?
Lindsey: "Let's Find an Out."
Me: What can you tell me about it?
Lindsey: It's the shortest and the last one I wrote. I wrote it in the studio the day before we were kinda calling it quits and making sure everything was final. Lyrically it's the most meaningful to me and musically it's the most meaningful to me and it reassembles where I am as a songwriter right now than most of everything on the record.
Me: So, who are the guys in the band, Lindsey?
Lindsey: Alex Bass on bass, Ray Brown on drums.
Me: So, before the band you were kinda known for a video of you watching St. Vincent. What is that about and is that true?
Lindsey: That's true.
Me: Okay, so, I have to show a screenshot of it here....
Me: It's not the best screenshot. Where was this and how old were you?
Lindsey: It was at the Pitchfork Music Festival and I was I think 15 maybe or 14. I think 15.
Me: As it's not the greatest screenshot can you explain what's going on here?
Lindsey: Oh, man. So that is tiny me with a dead flower I've been holding all day with some clear Ray-Ban glasses and my Merriweather work hat and I think a St. Vincent t-shirt and charcoal locks.
Me: You were freaking out in the video, Lindsey.
Lindsey: Yeah, losing my mind.
Me: I read that clip was all over the Internet, am I right?
Lindsey: Yeah, it was a big Tumblr thing.
Me: What was it like to be Internet famous then? I think that's what the kids call it. Hahaha.
Lindsey: It was like minor Internet famous.
Me: Okay, but it was still something. So, what did you think?
Lindsey: At the time I thought it was awesome. Now I think it's kind of embarrassing.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry.
Lindsey: No, no, no, it's okay. It's out there. It's public information.
Me: When did you realize your lyrics weren't just your lyrics anymore, they were making an impact on people?
Lindsey: Actually pretty early on when I was playing house shows around. Before "Habit" came out there were people coming to my shows over and over again and were really connected to the song "Stick" and people were kinda learning the songs before having heard the recordings of them.
Me: What connection were they making?
Lindsey: I think the lyrics for me are just really personal and direct and I think they're just vague enough that people could bring their own context to the situation. And it doesn't toot to me I feel like when I'm writing it I'm just spilling all my secrets out but I think to my listener it kinda just feels like they're connecting to something that could be a part of their life too. It has just enough mystique to it that it that I'm not naming names or anything.
Me: Is that weird? Do people ever get intense with it?
Lindsey: The only time I think its weird is when people try to provide an explanation for it and it's wrong.
Me: What do you mean? Give me an example.
Lindsey: Well, I think a lot of the songs got interpreted in a lot of different ways. I think I just let people run with them because I didn't give a direct story for like speak exactly about who or whatever.
Me: What is one song that got misconstrued?
Lindsey: "Let's Find an Out" got misconstrued all over the place especially since it was a single and everyone had their take on it. They were writing introductions about it and somebody was like, "It's just about a crush gone wrong, turned rejection." It's just not even close. There's no rejection there, there's no crush gone wrong. It's very specific about where I was at at that moment in time. It's sometimes aggravating when I write something that has so much of a personal meaning and honesty and vulnerability and someone says this is about a teenage crush.
Me: How do you go through school while playing as many shows as you do?
Lindsey: Carefully. In senior year I think I did a lethal amount of days and I shouldn't of been not allowed to graduate. But I took a lot of electives and I had some AP's. Not that I did in the other years but I filled in my schedule with music electives so then teachers were understanding and I excelled at exams and I did my homework and did my projects and showed up when I could and gave meaningful explanations. I somehow made it work and now I'm happy I don't have to be dodging that obstacle anymore. It was kind of a nightmare.
Me: How is your songwriting evolving as you're getting older?
Lindsey: Ummm. I do it less. I just had been on tour for a long time and I just prefer to do it at home. I was going through a phase when I was writing in the van and stuff and it was just not really doing the trick for me. But when I am home I'm writing as much as I possible can I think. I think I just have a lot more to draw from. I feel way more influenced by the world around me now I've seen so much of it and met so many different kinds of people and had so many different experiences in the last few years and like work wise I'm just like a very different person.
Me: I love the song "Pristine." What can you tell me about it?
Lindsey: It's the first song I wrote for the record. It's a sarcastic take on young love.
Me: Lindsey, thanks for being on the Phile, Continued success and please come back again.
Lindsey: I will. Thanks.
That about does to for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Lindsey for a good interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with voice-over actor Jeff Bergman. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Stay inside.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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