You'll Never Get Me Up In One Of Those

I'd rather work in the city in a pin stripe suit and bowler hat, if you break my arm I'll tell the Union, you know how I think about that. You put me in a uniform, if it comes to blows, but you'll never get me up in one of those. I'd rather spend my time in the foreign legion, or risk my neck travelling on the Southern Region, but you'll never get me up in one of those... I am, of course, talking about the space shuttle. Today is the 20th anniversary of the Challenger disaster. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was doing my homework in England, listening to the Steven Wright radio show on BBC Radio One and the shuttle was taking off. Then Steven said he thought fireworks were coming out of the shuttle. I turned on my little tv and saw the shuttle had in fact blew to smithereens over the Indian River. The same Indian River that my parents had property on. Anyway, more on the shuttle later. So, welcome to the Phile. Did you know last year was the warmest year in history? Yes, 20005 was the warmest year in history thanks to global warming. And this year it's been a warm January so far. I was walking in Epcot where I work yesterday and I saw one of the Chipmunks, either Chip or Dale, I don't know, I saw one of the chipmunks with hard boiled nuts. Don't kid yourselves, people, experts are saying this global arming is serious and by 2050 we will be out of party ice. That's what they're saying. Here's big news out of the world of broadcasting: how many of you folks watch the WB? And what about the UPN? Guess what? They're merging into one network and is going to be called CW. Now, President Bush was warned in advance and did nothing to stop this. If you're wondering what CW stands for, well, it's obvious. Can't Watch. Speaking of President Bush, he's talking to the National Security Agency to boost morale. These are the people that do all the wire tapping for us. Anyway, the president is talking to them to boost morale. By the way, you can also talk to the people at the N.S.A. just by dialing any phone number in the country. President Bush was also in Kansas a couple days ago and the kids in the college there asked him if he saw Brokeback Mountain. He said he didn't because he doesn't like westerns where cowboys ride into town for a day-spa. He said he didn't care for that. But then again, the President is an old-fashioned guy. He leaves the room during Ben-Gay commercials. Finally, it was announced that Grant Hill of the Orlando Magic is retiring. I wonder if I can get his spot on the bench. Well, I have a big entry for you so let's get it started.

IT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO

The widow of Challenger's commander laid a wreath of roses and carnations at a memorial honoring fallen astronauts, just miles from the launch pad where the doomed space shuttle blew apart 73 seconds after lifting off 20 years ago Saturday. The explosion eventually was blamed on a poorly designed gasket in one of the shuttle's solid fuel boosters which hardened in cold weather. The temperature at Challenger's liftoff was 36 degrees (2 degrees Celsius). Engineers for a NASA contractor had protested launching at that temperature, but they were overruled by their managers under perceived pressure from the space agency.

.

 

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

 A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry". 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

 

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

MORE USELESS TRIVIA: Popcorn has been served in movie theaters since 1912. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. John Adams was the first President to display fireworks at the White House. Casanova's full name was Giacomo Girolama Casanova. In 1955, an Argentinean named Juan Potomachi died and left more than $37,500 to a local theater on the condition that they use his skull during a performance of "Hamlet." Even though Dr. Seuss wrote successful books for children, he never had any of his own. "Alma mater" means "bountiful mother." Despite being over 27 times smaller, Norway's total coastline is longer than that of the U.S. Russians celebrate their October Revolution in November. In the Old Testament, Lot impregnated both of his own daughters. (Genesis 19:36.)

PALINDROMES: Does anybody know what a palindrome is? It's one of the coolest things ever. A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same forward as it does backward. In 2002, the world's longest palindrome was created, consisting of 17,259 words. Someone had to much time to think. Well, here on the Phile, I will show you four palindromes that I thought of. 1.) see referees 2.) race car 3.) evil olive 4.) swap paws. If you know any others, please send them to me and I will post them here on the Phile.

LETTERS TO GOD: Here are some actual questions to God from kids around the world. Either kids say the damnest things sometimes or the world is full of dumb kids. Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now? Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Dear God, Went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for wasa puppy.
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him in anyway. Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying.
Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. Dear God, My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they? Dear God, If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes. Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.

THE PHILE COMPUTER: I bet your computer doesn't have this key:

24 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU HAVE FINALLY GROWN UP: 1.Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4.6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5.You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6.You watch the Weather Channel. 7.Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup". 8.You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10.You're the one calling the police because those stupid kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12.You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14.    You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16.You take naps from noon to 6 PM 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19.You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms or pregnancy tests. 20. A $2.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21.You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22."I just can't drink the way I used to..." replaces "I'm never going
to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24.When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "Oh, man--What Happened!?!?!?!"

HOT TOPIC PUNKS VERSUS STAR WARS GEEKS: This is the first of what I hope of many videos I will be posting here on the Phile. video

FAKE OR FOTO: Once again the popular game we like to play: Fake or Foto. The last picture was foto. What is this picture of the diamonds? Is it fake or foto?

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE:

Brad Pitt is so lucky.

And now for the most popular feature ever...

MOVIE BUZZ

Casino Royale: Teri Hatcher might be changing teams. No, not like that. I mean she might go from Bond girl (remember Tomorrow Never Dies?) to Bond baddie, playing an unnamed villainess. Desperate casting?

Spider-Man 3: Bryce Dallas Howard is gonna play Peter Parker's high-school flame, Gwen Stacy. I'm guessing the guy has a thing for redheads, because she looks exactly like Kirsten Dunst. Might as well throw in an older woman, too. How about Nicole Kidman?

The Hulk 2: Hulk relieved David Duchovny–as–Hulk rumor not true! Hulk know that would have been straight-to-DVD crap-heap! Grah!

Torso: Matt Damon might take over for Kevin Costner in the continuing story of Eliot Ness. What happened to him after he busted Al Capone in Chicago? He went serial-killer hunting in Cleveland. What happened to Costner? He's untouchable.

Untitled Star Trek sequel: Sure, Trekkies might be all excited to hear that the next movie might feature both the Next Generation crew and the classic, Kirk-era cast, but all the hip dudes have moved on to Battlestar Galactica. At least I thought I was hip. My kid caught me watching BSG and said, "Whatever. This is just Power Rangers for grown-ups."

X-Men 3: Jean Grey is back, and she is pissed! (Click on underlined sentence)

And now for the trailer of the week: The Wendell Baker Story. trailer

 

Well, that's about it. I will leave you with another random picture. Until next time...'nuff said.

 

 

In The Midnight Hour

Hi, welcome to the Phile. You may have heard about this: there's a new tape made by Osama Bin Laden. It's kind of scary. We haven't heard from him in a year, but they know it's a new tape and they know it's current because in the tape Osama mentions the Hilary Swank divorce. People at the State Department think Osama may be loosing it. They think he maybe getting wacky. In the tape he offers to sell his kidney stone for $25,000/ Crazy, eh? William shatner did that, you know, sold his kidney stone for $25,000. Here's the strange part: Kobe Bryant bought it for his wife. Have you heard that Ted Kennedy had a child out of wedlock? something like this could damage the Kennedy's relationship with women.

   Well, I have a fun-packed entry put together for you.

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex? A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and
showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want
something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

 

R.I.P.

One of my favorite singer's from the 60's, Wilson Pickett, the soul pioneer best known for the fiery hits "Mustang Sally" and "In The Midnight Hour," died of a heart attack Thursday in a Reston, Va., hospital, according to his management company. He was 64. Pickett - known as "the Wicked Wilson Pickett" - became a star with his soulful hits in the 1960s. "In the Midnight Hour" made the top 25 on the Billboard pop charts in 1965 and "Mustang Sally" did the same the following year. Pickett wasw covered by artists ranging from The Rolling Stones to The Commitments to Roxy Music. Click below to listen to some of Pickett's music.
'In the Midnight Hour'
'6-3-4-5-7-8-9 (Soulville U.S.A.)'
'Land of 1000 Dances'
'Mustang Sally'

FOGHAT NEWS

The only news I have about Foghat is this picture taken at Bikertobest in Deland, Florida of a race car with the Foghat logo.

 

 

MOVIE REVIEW

 

Today's movie review is on Hoodwinked. The story begins the same way we're used to hearing it. Little Red Riding Hood (Hathaway) sets out for a peaceful skip through the woods but encounters a menacing Big Bad Wolf (Warburton). When she finally arrives at her destination, Grandma (Close) turns out to be the wolf in disguise.Violence seems imminent until a Woodsman (Belushi) bursts in, saving the day. Red looks innocent, Grandma looks helpless, The Wolf looks guilty, and the Woodsman looks heroic. But then the police arrive, led by gentlefrog detective Mr. Nicky Flippers (David Ogden Stiers), a parody of Dashiell Hammett's sleuth Nick Charles (of The Thin Man), a character well before the time of not only the children in the audience, but also most of their parents and some of their grandparents. Flippers won't name a culprit until everybody testifies. nd so we get to see how the day's events looked to the Wolf (actually an investigative reporter on the trail of a criminal conspiracy), the Woodsman (actually a dufus wannabe actor, getting into character for his role in a TV commercial) and Grandma (actually a thrill-seeking extreme sportster, complete with "GGG" tattooed on the back of her neck). Not surprisingly, the true villain isn't any of them. His identity should be obvious to all but the slowest kids in the audience. There's no getting around it: Some of this is awfully funny. There are scattered peaks of outright hilarity, chief among them an encounter with a mountain goat who can't stop singing, no matter how politely or frequently he's asked. His singing is funny enough by itself, but the character also has multiple sets of detachable horns, each specially customized for different household applications, and the set that doubles as a common piece of porch furniture is such a brilliant sight gag that it almost justifies the price of admission. There are other moments as good, including a couple of good parody songs, but too many of the intended big-laugh moments are merely labored and hackneyed. For instance, the common device of the threatened cartoon character who suddenly demonstrates advanced martial artistry, a la The Matrix, was old if effective by the time it appeared in Shrek; it's been used so many times since then that we might have been more gratified if this Little Red Riding Hood had demonstrated dangerous capabilities of an entirely different kind. The snowboarding hot mama of a Granny is also an old idea, not nearly as startling as the moviemakers intend her to be. The idiot Woodsman has some stuff (especially in one scene where he holds an ax by the blade and tries to cut down a tree with its handle), but is also not much to write home about: He's just stupid, and undiluted by any memorable personality. The budget CGI animation ispretty enough. It would have been a startling leap forward only a few short years ago, but has its jerky moments, and—most importantly—doesn't ever succeed in investing any of these characters with the illusion of life. Granny, the Wolf and the Woodsman all sport woefully inexpressive facial designs, and as a result very little compelling personality.

Here is my son, Logan's, review of Hoodwinked: I liked the fighting.

The Weinstein Co. isn't waiting to become established to get into the animation game. They have both the fairy tale based Hoodwinked and this fantasy adventure flick Doogal coming up in the near future. I have some problems about Doogal. This is an American remake of a British film titled The Magic Roundabout based on the British television show I used to watch when I was five and younger. The problems I have about this film are it seems like a purely economic decision by the Weinsteins. You take a movie that's already all done (an animation takes time to shoot), you add a few "big" names to voice it and voilá. Tthere are some details that will be changed for the American version of the film, like: the voices, the title, and the release date. The British version came out a year ago. And worse of all, why are they changing the name to Doogal, when the dog's name is Dougal. Anyway, here is the link to the website:   DOOGAL.

 

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

Let's start with trivia: The average duration of a male orgasm is four seconds. Dr. Seuss' popular book, "Green Eggs and Ham," was the result of a bet that he could not write a book using only 50 words. Sony's first product was a rice cooker. Sex relieves headaches. Lovemaking can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. Elvis made just one commercial during his reign. It was for Southern Maid Doughnuts. Bats have sex in the air while flying. Men become sexually aroused nearly every time they dream.

Website of the week: Spell With Flickr Refresh to see differently designed letters.

Today in history: In 1936, King George V of England is euthanized with injections of cocaine and morphine, after a painful cancer illness. His physician was motivated not only to ameliorate the king's suffering, but also to break the story in the morning edition of the newspapers, "rather than the less appropriate evening journals." In 1969 Nixon wasinaugurated as 35th President. In 1990 Alan Hale Jr, "Skipper", dead of thymus cancer. He was also a Foghat fan!

If Cartoons Were Real People:  D'oh!

I was bored one day and decided to do some hacking. Anyway, I stumbled upon George W. Bush's Hotmail account. Really. Click on the link to check it out yourself. http://www.changar.com/text/bushmail.html See? I told you.

 

Okay, now for the Phile's most popular segment.

FAKE OR FOTO

The answer to the last Fake or Foto is....FAKE. The picture of the cup and saucer is all fake. Here is the next pic. Is it fake or foto?

Is is fake or foto?

And now for the Phile's most popular segment:

MOVIE BUZZ

Casino Royale: The new Bond girl? Rose Byrne. Apparently she won the part after auditioning with Daniel Craig in a bedroom scene. Byrne's a good choice because she's one of those actresses who pull off the nearly impossible feat of being both "hot" and "cute" simultaneously.

Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid: Matt Damon and Ben Affleck want to remake Butch and Sundance? Maybe a crazy publicity stunt will help. Got it: I'll personally re-enact the bicycle scene down Sunset Boulevard, completely naked except for a sign around my neck that says, "Stop Matt and Ben!" Although there's probably somebody already doing that just for the hell of it.

Batman Begins 2: Rachel Weisz might play conflicted Batman love interest and villainess Talia al Ghul. Even better: The Johnny Depp–as–the–Joker rumors are back! I want this to happen even more than the long-talked-about Keith Richards Pirates 2 cameo.

Superman Returns: This photo gallery from the Los Angeles Times is flat-out fantastic. Not so cool: Is Returns really gonna be PG? Not even PG-13? What, is the Man of Steel gonna sit around talking about his feelings instead of kicking butt?

And now for the trailer of the week: Winter Passing.  trailer

Well, that's about it for this entry. I will leave you with the random pic of the week, picked out by Jen, my wife.

'Nuff said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Little Piece

Hello, welcome to the second entry of the year. There'll be no fabrications and falsehoods in this blog. It's so unseasonably warm here in Orlando. In fact, all over the Eastern side of the United States it's been very, very warm. In Cincinatti it's been unbelievably warm. As a matter of fact, did you hear about that dead woman who has been watching tv for the last two and a half years? It was so warm in Cincinatti today she got up and went for a walk. It was so hot in Washington D.C. today that the statue of Lincoln had a plate of chicken and potato salad on his lap.

 I think we must live in an alternate universe. Our universe is upside-down, inside-out, and left-to-right instead of right-to-left. Nothing here makes sense to me. The Reverend Jesse Jackson and Bruce Gordon (the new president of NAACP) are planning a big event to honor a very special hero of the black community.  This event is expected to draw 15,000 people and will probably be held in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum.
Who is this Black American hero they are planning to honor? Is it Colin Powell, the first black 4-star general, first black chairman of the joint chiefs, first black man to be Secretary of State, and first black man who could be President if only he wanted to be? No. It's not him. Is it Clarence Thomas, the first black man to sit on the Supreme Court of the United States? Nope. Is it Dr. Condoleeza Rice, Stanford professor and the first black woman to serve as Secretary of State. Nope, not her. Is it Guy Bluford, the first black NASA astronaut who flew for 8 days in space? Nope. Not him. Is it Ron McNair, the second black NASA astronaut (who died in the space shuttle Challenger disaster)?? Nope. Not good enough. Is it Dr. Walter Williams, distinguished professor of economics at George Mason University, and another truly inspiring black American. Nope. Is it Dr. Thomas Sowell, distinguished professor from Stanford University?  No.
Is it Richard Pryor, a real national treasure, who just recently passed away?  Nope, not him either... I could go on and on. There are thousands and thousands of truly amazing black Americans who deserve an honor like this.... So who is it that The Reverend Jackson and the NAACP plan to honor???  Which black icon is going to draw 15,000 people to honor him???? It's none other than Stan "Tookie" Williams, the thieving murdering thug who founded the Crips gang--- The coward who killed a little old lady with a shotgun blast to her face.  This guy was so rotten and vile that they had to put him to sleep to get rid of him once and for all.  That's who.  That's who is being honored.  That's the role model for our young people.... I'm sorry. I just don't get it. Can this really be happening????

 Well, all that aside, I have a bunch of stuff for you to enjoy, so let's get started.

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

Top Ten Signs You're In A Bad Sex Video

10. First 20 minutes shows you inflating your "co-star"

9. All the good stuff is obscured by the words "low battery"

8. Most of film involves you negotiating with her pimp

7. Paris' pet monkey won't stop biting you

6. Plumber shows up to fix your leaky faucet... and then leaves

5. The romantic candles accidently ignited your hairpiece

4. The N.S.A. guy spying on you runs in and begs you to stop

3. It's less popular than the Wilford Brimley sex video

2. Hillary keeps walking in and interrupting

1. You're the only person in it

 

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

 

If anybody knows me, one of my favorite television shows ever is Doctor Who. So, once in a while I will report some Who news here. Like this: SCI FI Channel announced Jan. 12 that it will air the first season of the BBC's hit SF series Doctor Who, starting in March. The 13 episodes, starring Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor and Billie Piper as Rose Tyler, will air as part of SCI FI Fridays at 9 p.m. ET/PT. The series, from head writer and executive producer Russell T. Davies, ran originally in the United Kingdom last year and was one of the network's biggest hits ever. An update of the classic Doctor Who show, the series continues in the U.K. with an upcoming second season that will star David Tennant as the Doctor. "The Doctor's made all sorts of journeys in time and space, but this is one of his most exciting yet!" Davies said in a statement. "I'm a huge fan of the SCI FI Channel, and I'm delighted that Doctor Whois appearing on a channel that supports and enhances the entire genre." "With its rich history of imaginative storytelling, Doctor Who is a true sci-fi classic," Thomas P. Vitale, SCI FI's senior vice president, programming and original movies, said in a separate statement. "We're excited to add the show to our lineup." Meanwhile, BBC Video announced that it has moved the proposed U.S. release date of the Doctor Who first-season DVD set to July 4 from its originally planned February launch.

 

 

FAKE OR FOTO

 

So, did you figure out if the picture in the last entry was fake or foto? It was fake. 100% CG! Amazing, eh? Okay, here's another one.

Once again, is it fake or foto?

 

 

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

 

 

 

 

While I was bored one afternoon, I was checking out Google Maps. So, check this out. Using Google Maps we can find some satellite pictures of some pretty amazing things. Here are a few I have found.

Statue of Liberty
Ground Zero
Hollywood Sign
Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch.
Twin Nuclear Reactors
Yankee Stadium
Salem County, NJ - Hope Creek Nuclear Plant
Mall of America
Alcatraz
St. Louis Arch
Empire State building
Trinity nuclear test site
Mt. St. Helens
Space needle
Playboy Mansion
Mount Rushmore
Old Faithful
SeaWorld
Disneyland
Disneyworld
Hoover Dam
Washington Monument, Washinton D.C.
The Initech building from “Office Space” =)
Area51
Where the Space Shuttle Launches
Missle Launching Site
Cape Canaveral 2 shuttle launch sites & hangar.
Pentagon
Blurred Government Bldgs

 

Here's another If Cartoons Were Real People.

You're a good man, Phil Collins.

 

 

MOVIE BUZZ

 

STAR TREK: THE BEGINNING: There are three types of geeks in the world: Star Wars, Star Trek and Lord of the Rings. It may be completely unsubstantiated fanboy speculation, but if Tom Hanks really does want to star, it pegs him as a Trekkie.

CASINO ROYALE: How cool would it be if they really did sign George Michael to do the soundtrack?

X-MEN 3: Patrick Stewart says the script is the best of the three, and in this interview, Hugh Jackman claims fans will "go ballistic" at the first midnight screening. And not because they'll want to kill Brett Ratner. This isn't easy for me to do, but I'm gonna officially renounce my cynicism — for now — and let myself believe that X3 ain't gonna blow.

24: Here's a TV spinoff that should actually make a decent movie. Of course, I liked Starsky and Hutch and Dukes of Hazzard, so my credibility is pretty much shot in this department.

BATMAN BEGINS 2:  The original trilogy was ruined by cramming in too many villains. With the Joker (latest casting rumor: Adrien Brody) and Two-Face (Josh Lucas, perhaps) virtually a lock for this sequel and rumors of the Black Mask and mobster Salvatore Maroni joining the club, it looks as though history might repeat itself.

 

And now for the teaser of the week: Clerks 2  teaser

Well, that's it for this entry. I will leave you with another random picture. Until next time...

 

 

 

The Peverett Phile (Revisited)

Hello, how is everybody? How is your year going? Welcome to the new and improved Peverett Phile. I am your host, Jason Peverett. The old Phile has been erased, deleted, and wiped off the internet, but here we are, a new year and a new beginning. I am going to try and be as entertaining and informative as possible. If I succeed let me know, and if I fail, let me know that as well.

Well, now we got the introduction out of the way, let's start with some jokes, in a segment I will from now on call...

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in the closet? A: The hide-and-seek champion of 2001.

Q: If moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day, what do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday.

Q: What is Kate Moss' favorite TV program? A: Whose Line Is It Anyway?

 

 

 

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never
thought about.
1. Can you cry underwater?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

 

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE  

A simple premise. We take this cartoon character and show you what it would look like if it were real. The first one we have is a baby that looks like Maggie Simpson.

  See? I wouldn't lie to you.        

 

Okay, and now for a little game I like to call...  

 FAKE OR FOTO    

I will show you a picture, and you have to guess if it's real or CG. I will tell you the answer in the next entry.  

  So, fake or foto?        

 

STUPEFACTION

 

 

 And now, a look ahead at Aught-Six. Just...

DON'T GET EXCITED    

1. SUPERMAN RETURNS. Boy, does he! After an exhaustive casting process and the recent focus on Superman star Brandon Routh's generously filled, super-tight tights, the long-awaited Bryan Singer–directed flick finally hits theaters. (June 30)

2. SUPERSWAG: Oh, the swag! There are Superman Ken dolls and Lois Lane Barbies (along with plenty of pricier doll-type tchotchkes), posters, books, mugs, ball- and disc-launching key rings, costumes … basically, anything you've seen a Star Wars logo slapped on in the last few years, expect to see the Man of Steel shield on this year.

3. SIN CITY 2. Hot comeback kid Mickey Rourke goes at it again in director Robert Rodriguez's Sin sequel, which is based on another Frank Miller graphic novel. This time, restless Dwight (Clive Owen) is having some problems with his old lady, and Nancy (Jessica Alba) is bent on revenge for the death of Hartigan (Bruce Willis). Oops, you did see the first movie, right? (Release date TBA)

 4. V FOR VENDETTA. This Wachowski brothers–produced adaptation of the comic book of the same name allegedly shares themes with the brothers' Matrix series. Vendetta, though, is about the titular V (Hugo Weaving, a k a The Matrix's Agent Smith), a vigilante who fights tyranny in futuristic Britain with the help of Evey (Natalie Portman), a young woman he rescues. And yes, this is the movie for which Portman sported that shaved-head look. (March 16)

5. PIRATES 2. A pirate's life is never dull, especially when he's Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). This time around, the mumbling swashbuckler is doomed to damnation if he can't find a way to pay off a blood debt he owes to fellow captain Davy Jones (Bill Nighy). Who needs Keith Richards (still rumored to lend a cameo) when you've got Depp chewingup scenery as the deliciously campy Jack in nearly every scene? (July 7)

6. THE ARISTOCRATS DVD. Yes, your ears will burn after watching this one-joke movie (literally), which leaves no dirty reference unmade. Our faves: Potty mouth Bob Saget and the watershed post-Sept. 11 retelling by Gilbert Gottfried, which brought down the house at a Hugh Hefner roast. (Jan. 24)

7. UNTITLED OLIVER STONE 9/11 PROJECT. Never one to shy away from controversy, director Stone interprets the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 through the real-life stories of two police officers who survived after getting trapped under the World Trade Center rubble. Stone was granted exclusive access to post-9/11 ruins, edging out competing 9/11 movie Flight 93, slated to open in April. Nicolas Cage and Maggie Gyllenhaal are the emotive stars of the Stone picture. (August)

8. X-MEN 3. This looks to be the last installment of the X-Men series, so you know there's gonna be a serious all-mutant battle. Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and his mutants face off against Magneto (Ian McKellen) and his minions, including new lady Psylocke (Meiling Melancon), who kicks butt with her toned body and her telepathic mind. Plus, there's the Wolverine and Magneto spinoffs to look forward to. (May)

 9. CASINO ROYALE. They've got no bad guy and no Bond girl, and old-school Bond fans are a little leery of new blond Bond Daniel Craig. But we're guessing the 007-devoted will still turn out in droves. (Nov. 17)

10. THE DA VINCI CODE. No pressure here: Director Ron Howard just has to adapt one of the most popular novels of the last decade amid controversy over some of the book's theories on religious issues. Fortunately, Howard's got a cast led by multiple Oscar winner Tom Hanks, Amelie cutie Audrey Tautou, Sir Ian McKellen and Jean Reno. And if the trailer is any indication, we have a feeling he'll pull it off. (May 19)        

And now for the trailer of the week: X-Men 3. Just click here: teaser    

 

 SILLY THING    

Here's an optical illusion, just for the helluvit. I hope it doesn't give you a migraine.    

 

 

Well, last but not least, I will leave you with a random photo. Until next time...peace. And happy birthday, Elvis.