The Peverett Phile: The Peverett Phile (Revisited)

Hello, how is everybody? How is your year going? Welcome to the new and improved Peverett Phile. I am your host, Jason Peverett. The old Phile has been erased, deleted, and wiped off the internet, but here we are, a new year and a new beginning. I am going to try and be as entertaining and informative as possible. If I succeed let me know, and if I fail, let me know that as well.

Well, now we got the introduction out of the way, let's start with some jokes, in a segment I will from now on call...

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in the closet? A: The hide-and-seek champion of 2001.

Q: If moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day, what do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday.

Q: What is Kate Moss' favorite TV program? A: Whose Line Is It Anyway?

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never
thought about.
1. Can you cry underwater?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE

A simple premise. We take this cartoon character and show you what it would look like if it were real. The first one we have is a baby that looks like Maggie Simpson.

See? I wouldn't lie to you.

Okay, and now for a little game I like to call...

FAKE OR FOTO

I will show you a picture, and you have to guess if it's real or CG. I will tell you the answer in the next entry.

So, fake or foto?

STUPEFACTION

And now, a look ahead at Aught-Six. Just...

DON'T GET EXCITED

1. SUPERMAN RETURNS. Boy, does he! After an exhaustive casting process and the recent focus on Superman star Brandon Routh's generously filled, super-tight tights, the long-awaited Bryan Singer–directed flick finally hits theaters. (June 30)

2. SUPERSWAG: Oh, the swag! There are Superman Ken dolls and Lois Lane Barbies (along with plenty of pricier doll-type tchotchkes), posters, books, mugs, ball- and disc-launching key rings, costumes … basically, anything you've seen a Star Wars logo slapped on in the last few years, expect to see the Man of Steel shield on this year.

3. SIN CITY 2. Hot comeback kid Mickey Rourke goes at it again in director Robert Rodriguez's Sin sequel, which is based on another Frank Miller graphic novel. This time, restless Dwight (Clive Owen) is having some problems with his old lady, and Nancy (Jessica Alba) is bent on revenge for the death of Hartigan (Bruce Willis). Oops, you did see the first movie, right? (Release date TBA)

4. V FOR VENDETTA. This Wachowski brothers–produced adaptation of the comic book of the same name allegedly shares themes with the brothers' Matrix series. Vendetta, though, is about the titular V (Hugo Weaving, a k a The Matrix's Agent Smith), a vigilante who fights tyranny in futuristic Britain with the help of Evey (Natalie Portman), a young woman he rescues. And yes, this is the movie for which Portman sported that shaved-head look. (March 16)

5. PIRATES 2. A pirate's life is never dull, especially when he's Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). This time around, the mumbling swashbuckler is doomed to damnation if he can't find a way to pay off a blood debt he owes to fellow captain Davy Jones (Bill Nighy). Who needs Keith Richards (still rumored to lend a cameo) when you've got Depp chewingup scenery as the deliciously campy Jack in nearly every scene? (July 7)

6. THE ARISTOCRATS DVD. Yes, your ears will burn after watching this one-joke movie (literally), which leaves no dirty reference unmade. Our faves: Potty mouth Bob Saget and the watershed post-Sept. 11 retelling by Gilbert Gottfried, which brought down the house at a Hugh Hefner roast. (Jan. 24)

7. UNTITLED OLIVER STONE 9/11 PROJECT. Never one to shy away from controversy, director Stone interprets the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 through the real-life stories of two police officers who survived after getting trapped under the World Trade Center rubble. Stone was granted exclusive access to post-9/11 ruins, edging out competing 9/11 movie Flight 93, slated to open in April. Nicolas Cage and Maggie Gyllenhaal are the emotive stars of the Stone picture. (August)

8. X-MEN 3. This looks to be the last installment of the X-Men series, so you know there's gonna be a serious all-mutant battle. Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and his mutants face off against Magneto (Ian McKellen) and his minions, including new lady Psylocke (Meiling Melancon), who kicks butt with her toned body and her telepathic mind. Plus, there's the Wolverine and Magneto spinoffs to look forward to. (May)

9. CASINO ROYALE. They've got no bad guy and no Bond girl, and old-school Bond fans are a little leery of new blond Bond Daniel Craig. But we're guessing the 007-devoted will still turn out in droves. (Nov. 17)

10. THE DA VINCI CODE. No pressure here: Director Ron Howard just has to adapt one of the most popular novels of the last decade amid controversy over some of the book's theories on religious issues. Fortunately, Howard's got a cast led by multiple Oscar winner Tom Hanks, Amelie cutie Audrey Tautou, Sir Ian McKellen and Jean Reno. And if the trailer is any indication, we have a feeling he'll pull it off. (May 19)

And now for the trailer of the week: X-Men 3. Just click here: teaser

SILLY THING

Here's an optical illusion, just for the helluvit. I hope it doesn't give you a migraine.