Pheaturing Billy West

Hi there, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Wednesday. How are you? Glad this happened in 2020 and not 1997. The last thing anyone needs right now is Blockbuster late fees. Former First Lady Michelle Obama is warning that things could possibly get worse under the second Donald Trump presidency, saying that everyone should vote as their lives depend on it. Obama gave a passionate virtual speech on the first night of the Democratic National Convention that took place on Monday, addressing Trump directly. She stated, “Donald Trump is the wrong president for our country. He has had more than enough time to prove that he can do the job, but he is clearly in over his head. He cannot meet this moment. He simply cannot be who we need him to be for us.” Obama also stated that if one thinks that things cannot possibly get worse, they most certainly can and they will if we don’t make a change in this election. She noted, “if we have any hope of ending this chaos, we have to go vote for Joe Biden like our lives depend on it.” The former first lady also outlined the dire stakes for the election ahead, declaring that President Donald Trump is way over his head and is the wrong present for our country. Warning of voter suppression, she told Americans they must vote for Biden if they want to preserve the basic requirements for a highly functioning society. Obama delivered her remarks in a very casual setting, with a Biden campaign sign on top of the mantle. Citing the COVID-19 pandemic, the political unrest happening in our nation over systemic racism, and flagging the poor economy, she described America’s lack of leadership, stating that the nation is “underperforming not simply on the matter of policy, but on matters of character.” She went on to describe that the former Vice President is it a decent man who knows what it takes to help and rescue the economy, a pandemic, and lead our country. She then noted how Biden has prevailed through his own tragedy of losing his daughter, adult son, and his first wife saying that he will always “channel that same grit and passion to help us heal and guide us forward.” President Donald Trump, who is a Republican, succeeded President Barack Obama, who is a Democrat, back in 2017. Trump has tried to undo several of Obama’s well-known achievements on the environment, healthcare, foreign policy, among others. Before the event, Trump took a jab at the former first lady’s speech, noting that her remarks were actually pre-recorded and then his own speech at the Republican National Convention next week will be live. Obama’s remarks came as there have been several debate rages in the United States in regards to the U.S. Postal Service changes that are delaying mail deliveries, and a legal battle in several other states over access to mail-in ballots. Obama called for action to those who didn’t participate in the last election, saying that now is not the time to “withhold votes in protest or play games.” She noted, “we have got to grab our comfortable shoes, put on our masks, pack a brown bag dinner and maybe breakfast too, because we’ve got to be willing to stand in line all night if we have to. 

The heat this summer has been rough. Of course, many of us have been staying inside thanks to coronavirus restrictions, but still. (Just as The Farmer’s Almanac’s summer weather forecast predicted, it’s worth mentioning.) In some parts of the country, the heat has been so brutal that some of us might be willing to skip sweater weather and go straight to frigid and frosty. Either way, people across the United States are probably ready for the weather to cool off, and thankfully The Farmer’s Almanac Fall 2020 forecast is here to let us know when. First thing’s first: Autumn officially begins on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020, at 9:21 a.m. EDT with the arrival of the Autumnal Equinox. The weather will already be cooling and the daylight receding before then, but that’s when it’s officially fall. Overall The Farmer’s Almanac long-range forecast is predicting cooler temperatures starting in September across the country as well as stormy weather... late in the season (November and December) for the East and the Pacific Coast, and earlier in the season for the Midwest. For the latter, these storms may produce tornadoes and other severe weather. Unfortunately, this summer might have some unwanted consequences on one of America’s favorite aspects of autumn, the fall foliage. Typically the brilliant colors we see on trees during the fall are lessened by drought. Bright colors are signs of a healthy, well-watered tree. In New England, for example, there have been slight to significant drought conditions this summer, but hopefully nature will put on a good show anyway. 

A Mexican man underwent emergency surgery to alleviate the painful, 3-day long erection he suffered after taking a sexual stimulant used for breeding bulls. The man, who was not named and is probably praying that he never is, was rushed to Specialist Hospital 270 in the city of Reynosa near the U.S.-Mexico border to have emergency, um, boner removal surgery? I don’t know what you call it. According to the hospital, the man acquired the bull-strength boner pills in Veracruz, Mexico and took them in preparation for a sexual encounter he was planning on having with a 30-year-old woman he was apparently planning to ruin. There has been no update on the man’s condition but hopefully, he kept his penis because that was not a guarantee going into surgery. For anyone still on the fence because, hey, maybe your body will react differently to it and you got a hot date coming up, do not take sexual stimulants intended for bulls. Your penis is more likely to straight-up explode into ribbons off the front of your body like one of those old-timey joke cigars that blow up in cartoons than you are to expertly please the lover you’ve taken the pills for. Don’t even take more than the prescribed amount of human boner pills. Your penis is not Popeye the Sailor. You can’t just feed it spinach until it reaches a level of strength you want. Your penis is finite. And mortal. If you pump it full of dangerous chemicals it will die. Also, no woman wants a terrifying, hulking penis pumped full of bull Viagra. They do not want to pull down your pants and find what looks like an anaconda that railed an entire 8-ball of cocaine by itself. Not sexy!

Well, this is certainly not how one should act in public, especially now. A man was recorded making quite a scene after ranting and making several slurs against wearing a face mask while using homophobic language and physically pulling out his penis in a Marshall’s department store in Campbell, California. Yes, so classy, this is Karen’s husband, Kevin. Who is this man, you ask? Well, none other than Tim Gaskin, a former San Francisco artist, magazine editor, and television show host. How embarrassing for this man, not only did he make a fool of himself in a store, but now he’s going viral on social media because he’s kind of famous. Several posters on social media identified the man as 52-year-old Gaskin, who is a media figure who made his name from a show in San Francisco in the mid 2000s. The video showing the homophobic rant was shared on Twitter by DJ Eddie House, which shows Gaskin speaking very angrily to a store employee and a man filming him about the store’s mask-wearing policy during the coronavirus pandemic. The employee asked the man to leave for not wearing a mask and in turn, the ridiculous man claimed that denying him service because he’s not wearing a face mask carries a $75,000 fine. Which in case you’re wondering, is not true at all. The anti-masker is heard saying in the viral video, “you don’t know the law? This is how stupid you are.” Gasking then goes on to rant and calls the man recording him a “faggot” and another video shows him opening his pants and exposing himself. His use of homophobic language surprised everyone on social media, especially those who recognize him as a well-known figure in the San Francisco LGBTQ community. Starting his career in 2004, he hosted a weekly talk show called "Outspoken" for Comcast Public Access that addresses several gay issues. Gaskin was also a long time fundraiser for AIDS-related causes helping several charities around San Francisco. You know what, I’m not even going to waste my time writing about what this anti-masker has done through his career because he doesn’t deserve it. He not only insulted the people at the store but all LGBTQ community members. Despite everything this “talk show host” has done in his career I just think this ridiculous meltdown is so dumb. I think we can clearly see that this man has gone crazy during this whole coronavirus pandemic, to the point that he really doesn’t know what he’s doing. I’m not defending him at all, I’m just saying that some people handle situations differently than other people. Who in the world calls someone this, so freely and knowing that he’s being recorded. Especially someone who has been in the public eye. As someone who has been seen by many, you kind of learn what not to do and what to do in public when it comes to becoming viral. This guy’s broken hands down, but hey I have to give it to employees for handling it the way they did. Give this Marshall’s Employee a raise. It’s been a tough year all the time?

It’s no secret that women can be very indecisive when it comes to deciding where exactly they want to eat. I don’t know why, I think it’s a fact that they’re just so many options that they really just can’t pick one. What if you start eating and then out of nowhere I crave something else? It’s like an unwritten rule that women have to follow. So when a man asks us what we want to eat, it’s kind of instinct for you to say, “I don’t know where you want to eat?” You know, it just happens. Some guys decide to take it easy and list all the places so that their girlfriends or wives can easily pick one and they can go together. Other guys, like Douglas Harold Green, decide to take it to the next level. According to a police affidavit, the Utah man was arrested and charged after police said that he literally threw his wife inside a river during an argument. Basically, he threw his wife into the Provo River while visiting the Provo River Resort after she “refused to do what he asked.” According to the wife, the couple was fighting over dinner arrangements, and then Green became heavily angry and then decided to threaten to drown her in the river. Yep, this 61-year-old man decided his anger was going to get the best of them, said enough is enough and did the unthinkable. So, his actions got him a hefty fine and probably some jail time because well, he literally threw his wife out the window. Nope, this is not what we are gonna do, people. We are not gonna resort to any sort of violence, especially if it’s as severe as this. This to me yells coward. According to the affidavit, several bystanders at the scene said they tried to help the wife out of the river, but Green yelled at them to, “stay away.” When the Wasatch County Sheriff’s deputies arrived at the scene, they found the woman had bruises on both her arms. The woman told police they were indeed from Green dragging her inside the river. So, Green was arrested and booked at Wasatch County Jail. As far as Doug’s charges, well he was charged with third-degree felony aggravated kidnapping to commit unlawful detention and received a misdemeanor assault charge. Honestly, I’m surprised this guy wasn’t charged with attempted murder or domestic violence, imagine if this woman would have been seriously hurt. I don’t know about her, but I would sue the heck out of this man, take all of his money, and file a restraining order against him and all of his family ASAP. Get this man some anger management issues. Hey men, maybe next time just ask politely and wait for an answer instead of trying to physically grab your girl and throwing her somewhere because she can’t decide about dinner plans. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. If you or anyone you know needs help you can call 1-800-799-7233.

Man, 2020 has turned real life into an early 2000s sports video game...

Hahaha. Did you see the new Barbie doll that just came out?

Collectors, get it now. So, apparently there's a bird that has arms instead of wings, did you know that? Don't believe me?

Told you! There's never been an easier time to help save lives. You don't need to be an essential worker, you just simply have to put some fabric on your face when you go out. While face coverings are a simple (and even fashionable) solution to help slow the spread of a deadly disease, many people remain stubborn. Shopowners and neighbors have taken to creative and catchy ways to remind people to hide their mouths and noses away.  

In many places, masks are mandatory, so you as well make it your own. There's a mask for every fashion and fandom, and there can also be a mask for every face. People order custom-made masks with photos of their face on them to try and achieve a realistic look. Try being the most important word.

Hahahahaha. Do you kids watch "Antique Roadshow"? I think they are losing their minds with the caters descriptions of items...

See what I mean? So, there's a lot to consider when choosing a Maid of Honor. How long have you known them? Are they trustworthy? Have they been to the dentist recently? A woman is considering not asking her childhood best friend to be her made of honor because she has bad teeth. Really. 

"I'm really not trying to catch heat for this but I need opinions. My childhood best friend and I always talked about being in each other's weddings growing up. Our parents are friends and we have been friends since we were babies. I moved out of state a couple years back but we are still close and text a lot. I'm choosing my bridesmaids and I really want to ask her to be my Maid of Honor. My dilemma... I haven't visually seen her in a while, but yesterday saw a video of her and sometime recently she developed a large cavity in her front teeth. Am I shallow for worrying about how pictures will look of the big day? I adore her but I also don't want to look back on the pictures and have that in there or have family judge. I don't know what to do and don't want to heart anyone's feelings! My fiancé is concerned as well. Do I ask her and just hope it isn't noticed? Do I not ask her and risk the friendship? SOS." First of all, congrats on this bride for finding her perfect match in this groom who also cares about dental aesthetics. Yes, you are shallow. Holy hell, it is amazing how many people forget what the wedding is actual for, to get married for the rest of your life. Your wedding day is just one fucking day. If it’s a cavity or decay of the tooth that you can see, please tell your friend to get help and don’t stress over the pics. After some good dental care to help her you shouldn’t even be able to see anything different about her tooth. The first concern should be the best friend's health, and once that's taken care of, there are nicer ways to be shallow... like closed-mouth smiles and Photoshop. If people were thrown out of wedding parties because of their bad teeth, then nobody in England would ever get married. Hahahaha. If you have a problem you'd like me to help with then email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Okay, wanna play a game?

"This is the worst kind of discrimination there is: the kind against me!" Who said that? Trump or Bender? If I remember I'll tell you next week the answer. Hahaha. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, New York shall we?

Looks like a nice evening in Port Jeff with some people going for an evening stroll. Okay, you know I live in Florida, right? Here's another story from this state...

If you’re planning on practicing for your adult naked basketball rec league at your nearest public park, think again. To the surprise of literally no one except this one guy, it’s illegal to droop and hoop. A Florida man arrested for playing basketball naked learned this lesson the hard way when he was approached by police while free ball ballin’ in Longwood, Florida. Police received a call around 7:30 p.m. on a Sunday night that there was a naked man playing basketball at the for-that-moment-unfortunately-named Candyland Park and responded accordingly. When officers from the Longwood Police Department arrived they found Jordan Anderson, 29, playing basketball naked with two balls too many. When they asked the Florida man why he was Dikembe Mutombo wagging his dong all over the public court Anderson said it was because he thought playing naked would help improve his basketball skills. Presumably, the police then looked at his face and arrested him. Anderson was later charged with indecent exposure of sexual organs. But this begs the question, would practicing basketball skills while naked actually help improve your skills? Um… maybe? Think about all the distractions that come into play in a basketball game. Stuff that throws your shot off or gets in your head. These are the sorts of things a good basketball player has to learn to deal with and ignore. And none of those distractions are as distracting as a gust of wind blowing directly onto your genitals, or playing under the assumption that at any moment the police are going to show up and taser or pepper spray you (possibly right on your genitals). If you can sink free throws while living in fear of being tackled to the ground by a police officer furious that you’ve whipped your scrotum out within fifty yards of the playground he takes his kids to on the weekend, then you can easily knock down the back end of an And 1 with the game on the line. I’m sure describing that indecent exposure charge on the arrest report was fun to write up. Let’s all just be glad Anderson didn’t go hard in the paint.

You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.

Hahahahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. 

As controversy swirls over mail-in voting in this year’s election, President Donald Trump said Tuesday he will pardon Susan B. Anthony, a women’s suffrage leader arrested for voting in 1872 in violation of laws permitting only men to vote. Trump’s move comes amid an outcry over Postal Service disruptions that Democrats say endanger the voting rights of millions of Americans who would vote by mail in November during the coronavirus pandemic. Trump has denied asking for the mail to be delayed even as he leveled fresh criticism on mail-in voting. Comments from Trump and some of those assembled for a White House event commemorating the 19th Amendment quickly pivoted into an appeal for Trump’s reelection. “Win, lose or draw, we have to get it right,” Trump said, adding that mail-in voting, as opposed to absentee voting, leads to ballots cast by pets and the deceased. “We have to have honest voting. that’s what this is all about here. We have to have honest voting,” he said. Trump said he would sign “a full and complete pardon” later Tuesday, the 100-year anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment, which ensured women the right to vote. It’s also known as the Susan B. Anthony Amendment. Anthony is best known for her role in the movement to secure voting rights for women, but she also was a strong anti-slavery and voting rights pioneer. His action comes as his support has been eroding among suburban white women in battleground states since his last campaign, in part because of his harsh rhetoric. In recent weeks Trump has recognized he needs to work to undo some of the damage among the pivotal constituency and has stepped up his events aimed at women. His campaign has launched a “women for Trump” bus tour and the president has embraced a “law and order” message with renewed vigor. Anthony was arrested for voting in her hometown of Rochester, New York, and convicted in a widely publicized trial. Although she refused to pay the fine, the authorities declined to take further action. The 19th Amendment states that “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.” Congress passed it in 1919, and the amendment was ratified on August 18th, 1920. Visiting Anthony’s grave site in Rochester on Election Day has become a popular ritual in recent years. Thousands turned out in 2016 for the presidential match-up between Trump and Hillary Clinton. In 2018, voters showed up by the dozens to put their “I Voted” stickers on her headstone.

The 134th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Jim Carrey and Dana Vachon will be on the Phile next week. 

I'm sooo excited about this... today's guest is an American voice actor, musician, singer and songwriter. He is well known for his voice-work in commercials, films, television series and video games. His roles include the title characters on "Doug" and "The Ren & Stimpy Show," and Philip J. Fry, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan and others on "Futurama." In commercials, he is the current voice of the Red M&M and voiced Buzz from Honey Nut Cheerios until 2004. Please welcome to the Phile the very talented... Billy West!

Me: Billy, welcome to the Phile, sir. I have been wanting to get you here on the Phile for so long. 

Billy: Well, then I'm glad to be here, Jason. 

Me: So, when you were a kid what kinda kid were you? 

Billy: I was like a little alien. I couldn't figure people out because I was an isolated kid. I isolated myself because I had a horrifying childhood mostly in my own house. My dad was a psycho and was drunk and abusive and I didn't know what to make of anything. All I know is I couldn't trust anybody because it'll be like a betrayal if I actually believed in somebody. A lot of people would just do that stuff, to kids especially. So I loved in my own little world, I created my own little world. I used to just wherever I was standing or sitting I was a million miles away from that physical spot. I was living on my own planet and I had characters and giving voice to stuff like my action figures. There was no such thing really, it was little green army men and maybe something else but not much of anything. I used to walk around the house with a mirror under one eye so I can look down at that and see me walking on the ceiling. I didn't see my feet, I didn't see anything, I could walk through solid objects if I held it to the side with one eye and just aim it to the wall and walk down the corridor I could make it seem that the wall is right in front of me like I'm wading through it like chest deep. That's what it looks like and that's what it feels like so I lived in virtual reality. Reality just blew for me. 

Me: Shit, Billy, I didn't mean to go to such a dark topic right away. 

Billy: No, no, it's good. It all comes from somewhere. If I didn't go though that as a kid I wouldn't be interviewed by the son of Lonesome Dave and would be probably be working at Burger King or something. I never marched to the beat of a particular drummer, I had no use for academia. I couldn't understand why I had to go to school. All I wanted to do was lay on my roof of the house. 

Me: Really? Why is that? 

Billy: Because it was far up off the street. I was very isolated. 

Me: Did you have any favorite cartoons growing up? 

Billy: Oh, sure, of course. That was the greatest escape. I loved all the Warner Bros. cartoons because they were lousy prints of lousy prints. Their weren't clean versions of them like there is now. The quality was so terrifying but I did hear all these voices and that's what blew my mind and I used to see names in the credits and hear like ten voices and I'd see one name. Other cartoons like Hanna-Barbera I'd see two names It always struck me that this needs to be investigated. This needs to be checked out. That always held a high appeal to me as a musician. 

Me: I was gonna ask you about that. What instruments do you play? 

Billy: At 10 I was playing trumpet in the school band. I think we had a guitar at my house in 1961, we had one tucked away in the cellar. I used to pluck around on that but life was no fun. It never got better, it was getting worse and my mom had to take me and my other two brothers away from Detroit to move to Boston. That's where I grew up. 

Me: When did you start doing impersonations? 

Billy: I always kinda did that, it was a natural thing. When I was a little kid they said I was always putting out noises, trying to make noises of something. If I played the piano people would close the lid and go, "Do not do that." I was bursting to express myself in the worse way. That's what made me the kinda person I was. All I wanted to do was invent something and get it out there. 

Me: Okay, back to you playing music, were you ever in a band? 

Billy: I was in my first band in 1966 and later on down the line in the 70s I played like fantasized rock and roll like glitter bands in the 70s, like Bowie and all of them guys. Then after that if I broke a string or blew up an amp in the old days we didn't have anyone to rush the stage like a combat hitting the dirt, fixing our stuff while we tried to play. We didn't have that so I used to stand around on stage and stall around for time. One way I would do it I would start doing voices and making noises. 

Me: How often do people throw out names to get you to try impersonate? 

Billy: For a job? I always aim as high as I could. I make it my goal to do the best to make it spot on. I never dreamt that I could make any money doing this, it just chose me and I went along with it. 

Me: Did you ever do stand-up? 

Billy: Yeah, when I was out of bands I always tried to do stand-up in Boston and it didn't turn out too well until I opened my mouth and started to do voices. That kinda held everybody at bay and they were like wow. When I tried to be funny I never was. I don't know, I was natural when I wasn't thinking about it I could be funny. I got into radio in 1980 and I used to work on the morning show which was called "The Big Mattress." It had a FM morning guy named Charles Laquidara and he encouraged for me to go crazy kinda stuff. Like I was working in production, it was like a playground. I could go back there and write anything I wanted and and record it and edit it. I would come into the show every morning with an idea and I would make it happen before 8:30. 

Me: Okay, so, I have to talk about Ren and Stimpy. How did you get to be a part of that? 

Billy: In 1988 I was doing a revival of "Beany and Cecil" for ABC television, they wanted to redo it and they got the animator John Kricfalusi who got to know me on the show when I was doing Cecil and he heard some of the other stuff I did. They pulled the plug after about 5 episodes, they were fighting with John over scenes that were approved then changed. There's a million stories on this stuff. But anyway that was it, they just threw us out the door. Then he came back and hunted me down to do some voices for a pilot. It was the original "Ren and Stimpy" pilot that was going to be played in theaters at cartoon festivals. I remember I had one line in it as Stimpy and I had no idea of what the characters were when they sent me the animated cells of them. I didn't know what they were, they looked so strange. I thought it was beautiful and originally I was called to do both parts. What I did as Ren sold the show to the women at Nickelodeon, and Stimpy of course. But after the fact John decided he was gong to do Ren but originally I was hired to do it, and actually wound up doing it after John got fired from Nick. 

Me: I love "Ren and Stimpy," was it fun show to do? 

Billy: I loved doing it but then I was being attacked because I wouldn't do the new one, the revival. I knew exactly what they were gonna do with it and everything and I passed. 

Me: Why is that? 

Billy: Because it totally betrayed all the premises of the show. It's an experiment that they thought would be really funny and crazy and everything but at the end of the day it wasn't worth a pitcher of warm spit from what I gathered. 

Me: I love the Ren and Stimpy Christmas album by the way. Okay, let's talk about "Futurama," where you played Fry. Fry sounds more like yourself, right? 

Billy: Yeah, I sounded like that when I was 25. I remember I was very whiny and complaining all the time. I sounded just like Fry. 

Me: Was that on purpose? 

Billy: I decided to do it because he was a real character. The rest of them were a little overboard as characters, they were played as little big. I think I ave them enough as an impressionist to grab on to. 

Me: Was this a fun show to work on? 

Billy: I absolutely loved it, it was the best showI ever did. I had so much fun doing all of them, so much fun always. 

Me: I read you did 52 voices on that show, is that right? 

Billy: I don't know. Could that be possible? I never looked back, when I had a chance to work I would work like crazy.

Me: I interviewed a few Simpsons people, so I have to ask what was it like working with Matt Groening? 

Billy: I think it was a really, really great experience. He maintained balance at high speed, he was one of those guys that seemed to be able to do that. I found him really great as a person. As a visionary and as an artist hats off. Artists are my bros, I used draw but wasn't that good so I started playing music. With the whole artist thing, I'm into art or being part of the creation of it holds the most appeal to me. But I loved working with him, he was so thankful all the time. He was always like, "Thanks for doing this, you did a great job for us." 

Me: Is he hands on when it comes to the voices or does he just let you do your own thing? 

Billy: I came in and auditioned for a few lead characters. I auditioned for Bender and I ended up getting four led roles, well, three in the beginning then they added Zapp. 

Me: When you did the four characters would you do them separately or did you record them all in a conversation? 

Billy: I would do them line after line, there was six pages of dialogue and I'd go through it as both characters. If it was three or four characters I'd go through it just once and talk to myself and they could edit. With animation they record voices first and then animate to that. A lot of people think it's the other way around. The process is very fascinating, I think a lot of people looking for a career should look into. 

Me: Did you go to college? 

Billy: I didn't go to college and couldn't wait to get out of high school. I almost quit school so I can be in a band full time, go on the road but I did a semester at Berklee for music, but now it's a credited college, but it wasn't when I went. I stayed there for a semester I didn't want to learn about music, I wanted to play it. I went out there and played and took all the hard knocks that came with that world, including drugs and alcohol, I was lost in that, I was dangerously close to checking out quite a few times. 

Me: What brought you out of that? 

Billy: The radio station that I worked at was so tired of my antics. I was like a menace, my work was great but I wasn't so great as a person. They were adamant I would get treatment. In those days a job would pay if someone had to go to a clinic to get sober and relearn how to live life after 7 at night without being drunk or high on coke and stuff like that. I really had to relearn a lot of life that I missed because I was smashed or wired I got it, it took 5 weeks I think of inpatient. Now they don't do it that way. I never went back, I'm a quick study. I got it first time around. 

Me: Didn't you play with Brian Wilson? What was that like? 

Billy: It's hard to explain but I got to tell you, I think it was the winter of 1964 they had the single "Wouldn't It Be Nice" and I used to play it over and over and over again wearing out the grooves. I would listen to parts of the song where there was a mandolin in the background and it was so romantic it used too evoke quite a feeling in me. I was very sensitive to all the parts of an orchestra, all the parts of a song because I knew what it was. I could hear every separate note when they sang harmony. I understood harmonic construction early because I loved Brian Wilson. So, years and years later a friend of mine from Boston who was a music producer named Andy Paley was working on Brian's first solo record and before they started doing that he called me out of the blue and said, "Brian's playing tonight down in Santa Monica." I was like you're kidding me, I got to see him. He said, "No, I want you to come and play." We were thrown together at the last minute. It was me and Elliot Eastern from the Cars, who was a friend of mine from Boston. We were on stage with Brian Wilson playing "409" and "I'm a Little Teapot." I couldn't believe I was on stage with the guy who wrote the soundtrack to my freaking young adult life. It was like a pinch me thing, we didn't know what to do. We didn't know either to shit or go blind because it was just very hard to believe where we were. It was like whose dream is this? Then I got called to play a series of gigs because he was promoting the Don Was movie I Wasn't Made for These Times, which was my all time favorite Beach Boys song because I was always in a very dark place years ago and that song hit me in so many places. It rearranged me and I said I hardly had any feelings at the time because I was so drugged out and drunk but even dark feelings are better than no feelings. And so stuff like that was like listening to art but it was like black velvet. The colors weren't quite right, it was on a black background, like a gasoline rainbow, that's what those songs were like to me. There was an extreme beauty and fondness in all of his stuff. He was a head of his time and no one could keep up with him. When I heard all teethings he went through I kinda suffered along with him, I know it sounds crazy. To hear he experimented himself out of the game at 25-years-old on LSD, he just knocked himself out of the game. And managed to come back and finish a record that should have been released 48 years ago... "Smile." 

Me: That's a great album. So, in comedy do you have an idol? 

Billy: In comedy the guy that gave me the spark was a guy named Sid Caesar from years back. He had a show called "The Show of Shows" in the 50s. My mom let me stay up and watch this crazy guy on TV, we'd sit there and watch him. This is back in the 50s, and the guy was tragic and he was comic and I just got locked into what he was doing. Also this was one of the first television images I've ever seen of anything and for most people they hadn't seen much television. We were lucky to have one for a little while. 

Me: What about voice-over people? 

Billy: Mel Blanc, June Foray, Dayton Allen, there are a million names I could ramble off that were influences. I never thought I could be in a collection of names as those people and I wound up to be. I just couldn't believe it half the time, I feel myself so fortunate. 

Me: What was it like when you went to New York to do the Howard Stern show? 

Billy: I was just a young buck and I was ready to take on the world. I had so much energy and I wanted to put a dent in the place so bad. Howard said, "What do you want to do?" I said, "I want to be flavor of the month 12 times a year. Anybody got a problem with that?" I had whipped myself into a frenzy that I wasn't going to take no for an answer ever again. I alienated certain people but once I became famous they were like oh, yeah, I remember that guy and they described me fondly. It's like I'll tell the truth for you, I used to argue in commercials and actually challenge the director when he'd say, "No, we want a 'disc jockey.' voice." I'd say, "I don't know any disc jockeys, I've been in radio for ten years and I don't know any disc jockey's that sound like that." I went along with it because it was the perception that kids had. I was just a weird guy, I heard things differently and I wanted to do them differently. I really wasn't afraid of anything to tell you the trip, I was fearless. 

Me: Ever think about retiring? 

Billy: No, that's ridiculous, I want to do this when I'm 80. It doesn't leave me just because I'm a certain age. 

Me: So, did you ever meet Mel Blanc? 

Billy: Oh, man, yeah, it was crazy just going to see him. I happened to catch it in the local paper, they didn't make a big deal about it, but he was going to give a voice and slide show at this old university in Worchester, Massachusetts called Clark University. I conned someone to give me a ride and there he was, he came out on stage and started doing stuff and I was riveted and captivated by what this guy could do. He showed a clip from this old cartoon and it was beautiful. I remember at the end of the presentation he said, "If anyone wants to come here and get an autograph make a line over here." I was slamming kids, I was chucking them into the boards, I was trying to get to the guy and he said, "Can you let the little kids go first?" I got yelled at my Mel Blanc but no matter. I was so enthusiastic, you wouldn't believe how I acted. I was just out of my mind this was the guy, this was a creator, he didn't mimic voices. 

Me: You play Richard Nixon on "Futurama," so is that hard to do? 

Billy: No, but there's nothing funny about it. I camp it up very much and then suddenly I have him drift off suddenly becoming a werewolf. I'll tell you why I did that, I saw the debates in 1960, it was the first televised presidential debate and it was John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon. John F. Kennedy was picture perfect, like a game show host, he was camera ready and everything. Then they keep on looking at Nixon and they did close ups of him so we could see everything, all his ticks, and he was sweating and his beard was coming in. How skin was getting darker and darker and I said to my mom, "He's turning into a werewolf!" All my life I thought if I was going to do that I know what I'm gonna do. The writers would come to me and ask me why I do that and I'd explain to them why and I asked them if they liked it and they said to keep doing it. It made no sense to anybody but it's funny. 

Me: Hahaha. I kinda wish I was alive back then. He was better than Trump, right? 

Billy: No. I was drafted by that bastard. 

Me: How long did you serve? 

Billy: Never. I had to take the physical and I tried so hard to muff up the physical, screwing myself up. They all knew, there was 11 doctors... ear, nose, throat, a shrink asked me questions like do I like sports? I'd go, nah, not really. Oh, there's one I like... tennis. That said to him I was not a team player. Nixon drafted me and years later I got revenge. Do you know at the Nixon library they play my Nixon from "Futurama" on a constant loop? Fuck you, Nixon. 

Me: Hahahaha. I first heard of you, I just remembered, you were in Comic Book The Movie with Mark Hamill. When you filmed at the convention did you guys have to do multiple takes as he got recognized. Did he get recognized back then? 

Billy: He was, but we couldn't base what we were going to do on that stuff. That's gonna keep happening no matter how hard they try. It was funny to do that, all we did was make up our own stuff. 

Me: So, you were in Space Jam. Who did you play in that movie? 

Billy: Bugs Bunny, doc. 

Me: I had Jeff Bergman on the Phile and thought he played Bugs... you replaced Jeff? 

Billy: I did it for ten years. Jeff Bergman did it before me. I knew the gig for me was one day at a time. I was a team player, I never felt entitlement to a character. What do you mean doing a Bugs Bunny commercial without me? I don't want to be that guy. I put it to bed as soon as I left. I couldn't lay claim to any legacy. The best stuff was done before we were born. Period. 

Me: Billy, thanks so much for being on the Phile, sir. All the best, and please come back on the Phile again. 

Billy: Sure, Jason. Anytime. Now I'm gonna go listen to some Foghat. Chat soon.

Man alive, that was such a cool interview. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Billy West. The Phile will be back on Monday with composer Alan Silvestri. Spread the word, not the turd or virus. Don't let snakes or alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss your brain. 

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon