Pheaturing Laura Summer

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday, How are you? I planned to work out and have a nice body for people to look at this summer, and then I remembered that I like food more than I like people. Sorry.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence's political marriage of convenience might go the way of Trump's actual marriages: with the president leaving his current partner for a younger woman. A recent op-ed by Trump pal and felon Andrew Stein is floating the idea of replacing Pence on the 2020 ticket with former Trump U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley as an attempt to win over "moderate, suburban women." Well-connected media types speculate that the op-ed likely ran at the behest of Trump as a trial-balloon, or at the very least, was approved by Trump pal Rupert Murdoch, who owns The Wall Street Journal. Pence is responding to the scuttlebutt by further degrading himself and being as shamelessly sycophantic as possible, by refusing to say that climate change is a threat and laughed when asked why the Trump administration is saying in court that it's cool to deny toothbrushes and soap to the kids they kidnapped. Ah, my favorite bible verse: "Thou shalt snicker when asked of humanitarian crises of your own making."
The latest Taylor Swift drama doesn't involve a girl squad or boy troubles, by copyright and contracts law. Sunday, Swift wrote a Tumblr post about her frustration and disappointment that her old record label, Big Machine Records, had been bought by Scooter Braun's company. That means that the rights to her first six albums belong to a man who has subjected her to "incessant, manipulative bullying" over the years. Swift described Braun's history of bullying her, "Like when Kim Kardashian orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter got his two clients together to bully me online about it. Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked. Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it." She explained how she felt betrayed by Big Machine Records' founder Scott Borchetta, who was aware of how Swift would feel about her life's work thus far being handed over to Braun. Swift wrote on Tumblr that he hadn't heard about the Braun merger until it was reported in the press, an accusation that Borchetta has publicly objected to. Things continued to get messy as Justin Bieber has defended Braun, and Braun's wife Yael Cohen Braun blasted Swift, saying, "Girl, who are you to talk about bullying? The world has watched you collect and drop friends like wilted flowers." This whole thing could have been avoided if the music industry wasn't so fundamentally imbalanced and women were just allowed to own their own stuff?
Speaking of blonde celebrities with Nazi fanboys, Ivanka Trump pretended to be a world leader at the G-20 summit over the weekend. She was as unwelcome among Prime Ministers as she was at Karlie Kloss and her brother-in-law's wedding. The French presidential palace shared a now-viral video of the unelected Trump trying desperately to contribute to a conversation between French President Emmanuel Macron, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, British Prime Minister (for now) Teresa May, and International Monetary Fund head Christine Lagarde. The heads of state who either had to win elections to attend the conference or was appointed by a committee of experts did not seem impressed by the presence of White House staffer who got her position by being born. It was the side-eye seen 'round the world. Ivanka also posed as a diplomat, crossing into the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea, and offered her expert analysis on the decades-long conflict and effective strategies of denuclearization. Just kidding, she just shared a glamor shot of a "Charlie's Angels" walk.

Actual diplomats were baffled by her presence, humiliated that it gives off the impression that the United States in a monarchy. "It’s increasingly problematic in terms of our credibility. It says to our allies, to everyone we do business with, that the only people who matter are Trump and his family members," Christopher Hill, a former ambassador to South Korea, told the The United States is not, in fact, a monarchy... there was a whole war about it, which happens to be celebrated this very Thursday! It wasn't just foreign service alumni who didn't think that Ivanka deserves to represent America on the world stage. The White House called criticism of Ivanka's diplomatic cosplay "absolutely pathetic," which should be her campaign slogan when she runs for president in 2024.
Former Vice President Joe Biden jumped into the 2020 election promising to Make America 2015 Again, insisting that he is the one to beat Trump by "bringing everyone together." When he could be enjoying a plushy retirement full of ice cream cones and Obama-Biden fan fiction, jumping back into electoral politics has opened his record up to scrutiny, especially his record on race. According to a HuffPost/YouGov survey, Ye Olde Centrist White Man is no longer seen as the most "electable" choice after Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator Kamala Harris slayed their respective debates. In Harris' case, her debate ownage came explicitly at Biden's expense. Sucks to have people breathing down your neck, doesn't it?
Jerking off at work is a no-no, even if you don't have any co-workers. The police department in Monroe, Connecticut were dispatched because of reports of a suspicious vehicle, and when they approached the car, the guy in the driver's seat promptly pulled his pants up. On the passenger's side there was an open case of beer. When asked to recite the alphabet, the driver Eliot Buenano-Andrade, 48, "started at 'D' and ended at 'K.' Then things got weirder, somehow... "Ordered from the car, Buenano-Andrade got out and began reaching into his pants, police said. Fearing he had a weapon, police said, they struggled with him before bringing him to the ground. Buenano-Andrade began yelling that the object he was reaching for was a sex toy, which he then pulled out of his underwear, police said." Sorry you missed Bring Your Dildo To Work Day.
If I had a TARDIS I would probably end up in the Philippines just as this was happening...

That's pyroclastic flow, made of hot gas and rock, that was released into the air when Mt. Pinatubo erupted in the Philippines in 1991. Cough, cough. Gag. Moving on... they tell me at Walmart I would see the craziest sites. I didn't believe it until I saw this...

Did you know Trump plays an accordion? No? Here's proof...

Man, he's getting so into it. Speaking of Trump, when he was in England a few weeks ago the British sure had some creative anti-Trump signs.

Hahahahahahahaha. I love that. Good job, kid. Did you know Ivanka was in the movie All the President's Men? No? Here's proof...

She's always where she doesn't belong. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...

Hahahaha. Honesty is conceptually the best policy, but in real life it can be a lot trickier than it sounds. For instance, if you know about a co-worker's unsavory behavior but don't have a close relationship with their wife, is it your responsibility to tell her, or should you abstain from narcing? When it comes to the concept of "telling" on someone, situations can quickly get dicey and there is rarely a clear answer. Save instances of clear abuse or danger, getting in the middle of other people's business, even if well-intentioned, can often backfire. A few weeks ago I asked you to send me a question to help out with your life. Well, a man emailed me asking if he was wrong for lying to his co-worker's wife about his whereabouts. So, here is the first...

He wrote, "I've been giving a co-worker of mine a ride back and forth to work for the last couple of weeks now since his car broke down. He only lives a couple blocks away from me, so it's not like I'm going out of my way or anything." He shared that he regularly gives his co-worker rides, and after work the co-worker asked for a ride to Detroit to visit his "sister." "Today after work he gave me a sob story about his sister needing to borrow some money for rent and diapers, and he asked me for a ride to Detroit. I'm a family man myself I couldn't tell him no, even though it's a bad neighborhood." However, when they got there, it was clear the coworker was actually in Detroit for a drug deal. He didn't feel safe in the situation, and immediately drove off, leaving their co-worker chasing them down the Detroit block. "When we got there, he walked over to a group of guys sitting on the porch of an abandoned house. He gave one guy some money then he put something in his pocket. I know a fucking drug deal when I see one! I was pissed, I took off, and he started running down the street to catch up. I floored it, and let my tires squeal behind me." When he got home, the co-worker's wife soon came over searching for him. Rather than telling her the truth, he said the co-worker was at his sister's. Since the co-worker had used his sister as a cover, he assumed there was actually a real sister. "A couple hours after I got home, his wife came to my house looking for him. I told her I dropped him off at his sister's, and she stormed off pissed. Come to find out he doesn't even have a sister! Now his wife thinks he's having an affair." He quickly found out the co-worker has no sisters, and now the wife thinks he's having an affair. Understandably, he doesn't want to involve himself in this situation, but now that the wife is concerned, he wonders if he should come clean about the co-worker's whereabouts. "Jason, what should I do?" Weeellll... I think you should have told the wife, for her sake... not the co-worker's. Just because he should have told his wife where he was. I understand leaving him there, I wouldn't want drugs anywhere near my car. But at least tell his wife so she knows where to look if he goes missing, there's really no reason to lie to her. He did what they had to do to avoid jail time. Hopefully, for the wife's sake, they end up telling her the truth. If you have a problem you want me to solve email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com.

If you spot the Mindphuck then let me know. True or false? Masculinity is a prison. Ding ding ding! Society conditions boys and men to equate masculinity with dominance over others, a lack of vulnerability, and repression of one's emotions. It's no way to live, tbh. Though the discourse around gender roles is gradually changing, men still feel pressured to define themselves by bedding women, earning money, and making other men feel inferior. Well, theres's this guy who is so full of masculinity's his last name... and he wanted to come onto the Phile and prove it. So, please welcome for the first time...

Me: Hello, sir.welcome to the Phile.

Martin Masculinity: Great to be here. Got a light?

Me: Ummm... no. I don't smoke.

Martin: That's okay, I'll go to the Walgreens down the road.

Me: So, you're full of masculinity, right? What makes that so?

Martin: A guy tried to drink water faster than me... no one drinks water faster than me.

Me: Ummm. Okay then. Martin Masculinity, the toughest man alive. I hardly doubt that though.

Barron Trump and Mike Pence with a newly converted Hindu being raptured while heckled by a non-believer.

Fans trespassed on Keanu's property back in the 1990s. Instead of calling the police, he had a beer with them.

Welcome to the Wild West of 2019. When the deeply-unhinged president is not too busy maybe-kinda-starting wars and then taking it back, he is picking fights with celebrities on Twitter. Recently, he tried to feud with U.S. soccer star Megan Rapinoe. She got under his skin after telling reporters she wouldn't attend the White House if her team wins the 2019 Women's World Cup. Actually her exact words were "I'm not going to the fucking White House. We're not going to be invited." A clip of her NSFW comments went viral on Twitter because they reflect a real universal MOOD right now. Wednesday the president responded the only way he knows how: by unleashing an epic, barely coherent rant on Twitter aimed at the women's soccer star. However, he made a classic error and tagged the wrong Megan Rapinoe. He must've realized his mistake since he since deleted the tweets. But not before writer Molly Jong-Fast screencapped them and shared them for the world to remember:

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Except, tragically in 2019, it is. Trump deleted his oopsy, but not before submitting some poor woman with the name Megan Rapinoe to the abuse of Trump's dimwit followers. Not that any of the Megan Rapinoes deserve that. Luckily, this Megan Rapinoe was well-equipped to handle it and came for the President with this perfectly-timed response...

Then she followed up with this tweet savagely dragging his followers...

Many seem to agree that the winner of Twitter was Megan Rapinoe, the one whose Twitter bio reads "not Megan Rapinoe" (presumably Trump's followers haven't gotten the memo, or they have but they can't read). There is also some confusion as to why Trump's rant against Megan included a diatribe about black unemployment. Does he think Megan is black? Maybe. He got her Twitter handle wrong so it's very feasible he just assumed she's black because she's an athlete. Or maybe he does have a draft on his phone that he copy-and-pastes for beefs with athletes. Or maybe he's just a clueless idiot behaving like a clueless idiot as usual. That last one seems the most likely. PLEASE COME PICK ME UP THE PRESIDENT IS VERY DUMB AND BAD I AM SCARED.

The 101st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Andrea Warner will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Now wanna laugh?

Starting the car for the long trip back into the city, Tom and Bill said their final good-byes to their good friend, David. "Thanks for puttin' us up for the weekend, pal," said Tom. "The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife." Shortly after hitting the road, Bill turned to Tom and said, "I hope you weren't serious about enjoying fucking his wife!" "No, I wasn't serious. She was lousy."

Today's pheatured guest is an American voice actress and producer. Her voice acting work includes "The Real Ghostbusters" as Janine Melnitz, "Hello Kitty's Paradise" as Mimi, Heather Hogwarsh in "Super Pig" and the "Digimon Adventure" series as Patamon. Please welcome to the Phile... Laura Summer.

Me: Hello, Laura, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Laura: I'm okay, Jason, thanks.

Me: Laura, where are you from? 

Laura: Queens, New York, like Janine. Where are you from, Jason?

Me: Originally from London, England, grew up in Port Jefferson on Long Island and now lived in Central Florida for over thirty years. Okay, so you are mostly know I think as Janine Meinitz from the cartoon "The Real Ghostbusters." Was that your first audition? 

Laura: Yeah, it was my first audition.

Me: How did you get that role? Here's a pic of Janine by the way...

Laura: I just came out to California and I went and saw an agent I knew in New York and he said I should go in for this. I said okay. They didn't want a New York accent. I just talked the way I do, very sweet, and they told me I got it and what that meant and then I found out. Then they said, "Can you do a New York accent?" I was like, "Can I do a New York accent?"

Me: Did you know this was gonna be a Ghostbusters cartoon?

Laura: Yeah, I knew it was gonna be Ghostbusters but I didn't see it and it didn't mean anything to me. After I booked it they gave me my original audition to match on a cassette.

Me: Did you think of anybody or impersonate anybody with that character, Laura?

Laura: Yeah, my mother. She never lost her Brooklyn accent so it was very easy to go that way.

Me: Awe. Annie Potts was in the original two Ghostbusters movies. You weren't supposed to play or be her, right?

Laura: No, I've seen Ghostbusters since and I Annie Potts did a wonderful job. It's similar. I wasn't trying to do an impression because I really had no idea.

Me: I never saw the cartoon at all, Laura. Were you the only one from New York on the show?

Laura: Yeah, and sometimes the writers would write streets that didn't exist because there was no Internet then. I would say, "There's no 18th Avenue in Manhattan." LOL.

Me: Have you since seen any of the other actors that were on the show, Laura? Do you keep in touch with them?

Laura: I saw Maurice LaMarche last year as I was at a memorial for June Foray who passed away. She had been on "Garfield" and I was on "Garfield." She actually won an Emmy for an episode that I got to play opposite her. That was fun.

Me: She's a legend, right? What was it like working with her?

Laura: What's funny was when they called on me to say something I didn't sound like I was bragging so I didn't say that. I didn't say anything of note. LOL. Well, she was already about 95-years-old and when we did "Garfield" we would all be in the same room. I played these twin girls, I would read it and play opposite of her, and then I would go record it separately because they were twins. The joke was one was slightly behind the other, I just had to come in with myself. LOL. But June was amazing with her body of work. To work and be thriving when she was 90 was amazing.

Me: That's cool. I won't be alive at 95, let alone working.

Laura: Yeah, she could drive herself but always had some cute guy driving her around. A lot of the shows Stan Freberg worked also, his health didn't seem as good, he was always in a wheelchair. June could always pull out those young voices to the end pretty much.

Me: For those that don't know can you tell the readers who some of the people June played?

Laura: Witch Hazel, Rocky and Natasha, she did over a fifty year span. She had an incredible career.

Me: I didn't know she played Witch Hazel in the Bug Bunny cartoons. That's cool.

Laura: Well, she got upset when they replaced her as Witch Hazel at some point. Then she got the job back and did some other characters.

Me: Okay, so, I don't know much about the new "Garfield" cartoon. Did you work with Lorenzo Music?

Laura: No, it was Lorenzo Music originally on "Garfield" and he was on "Ghostbusters," then Frank Welker was on "Ghostbusters" with me and then he's doing Lorenzo. He can do anything, that seems poetic justice. That seems like it was the right thing.

Me: I didn't know Lorenzo passed away. Haha. I wanted to interview him on the Phile. Back to Janine, what was it like working with the cast on the Ghostbusters cartoon?

Laura: I was in the original cast with Maurice, Lorenzo Music, Arsenio Hall, and Frank. I didn't know where I was going so getting around was hard if they moved the studio. LOL. It was a blast. I remember going into this place where we were going to record in Burbank and the first person I met, who wasn't on the show but was from another show, from "Mr. Ed," Alan Young. I couldn't believe it, I was so excited. LOL. 

Me: Did you know you were gonna voice characters in cartoons one day?

Laura: No. There are some people who love and grew up with cartoons and comic books and obsessing this is what they were gonna do. Like Bob Bergan, one day he knew he was gonna be Porky Pig. He was 8-years-old and decided he was gonna be Porky Pig. I knew I was gonna be an actress and knew I was gonna do that. People always made a big deal about my voice like "your voice, your voice... blah blah blah." Positively and negatively. When I met Stella Adler, who was a famous acting teacher, she was like, "Darling, what are you going to do about your voice?" I was like, "Whaaatt?" She'll say, "It's commonplace." "Yeah, well, people seem to like it. I don't think this is the right class for me." I knew it wasn't the right class for me, if they thought that was a negative.

Me: Was she a bitch? What else did she do?

Laura: She liked men better. When I took a class with her she came out on a throne... literally. With two guys flanking her on each side. I just knew that wasn't for me.

Me: So, when you left that school or class what happened?

Laura: I went to them and said I need my money back I was 18-years-old and knew enough that that was not right, that wasn't the right place. I had to find my own people, and find my own teachers that spoke to me.

Me: You did two seasons of "The Real Ghostbusters," and each season had a lot of episodes. Are there any that stand out that you remember?

Laura: I guess when Janine got to be a Ghostbuster.

Me: Cool. So, do you have any good memories of it?

Laura: Yeah, it stands up now and I'm very proud of it.

Me: You left after the second season, right? What happened?

Laura: There were a lot of politics involved, they thought the show was too trashy. The things that had nothing to do with me. They said, "We don't like the way she looks, she looks slutty." It's so funny that that was going on back then. Then it went to my look to they didn't like the way she sounds. I was the closet thing to what I think Janine was about. I was told later by the powers that be that was a huge mistake. Blah, blah, blah. But it was devastating.

Me: Did you Lorenzo and Arsenio get the boot at the same time?

Laura: Yeah, they revamped the whole thing for different reasons and came up with a new cast. Then ten years later they asked me to do it again. They came back with the show, but then somebody else was doing the casting and they got somebody else. This is show business. It's a painful lesson but everyone has these stories.

Me: So, what are you working on now?

Laura: A reboot of Digimon, which I guess is popular now. They sent it to me but I didn't watch it, but I guess after the first seasons of Digimon they went somewhere else. One bunch of characters went one way and another bunch went another way. They went back to those characters, mine included, and there were like four episodes. I did that a few years ago, that was so fun. That's anime, which is a little different than regular animation.

Me: How long did you "Garfield"?

Laura: For about four years...? That's on hiatus currently. There are always people that want it and Mark Evanier who directed it and wrote several episodes is a big deal in the animation world. I know there's always offers, that was a French company that was producing "Garfield." It's very expensive, it's like 3D.

Me: And you play twins on that show?

Laura: Yeah, Drusilla and Minerva, the twin girls. I play some other characters too but those are the big ones. That's a blast. I played a lot of twins. LOL.

Me: You also were on a Hello Kitty show? I didn't know there was such a show, Laura. Did you play Kitty?

Laura: No, Melissa Fahn played Kitty, I was her twin sister Mimi. They're twins and I didn't realize that until I was doing it.

Me: Did you do any on screen work? I think you did, right?

Laura: Yeah, I did like a zillion commercials, that's how I started.

Me: You are so cute, Laura, is there anything we can see you in coming up?

Laura: No, not coming up. Three years ago I was in London and I got hit by a double decker bus. I was in the crosswalk and I got hit. That kinda put the breaks on a few things. It's been a long recovery. I didn't know how I would sound, I had a lot of broken bones, but I actually look the same. I was very lucky. I had a fractured forehead, a broken foot, and a few other things. I had to stop because taking a shower took two hours. Now I'm 95% back but it certainly changed my perspective. You would not know to look at me. That's the miracle.

Me: Well, I'm glad you're okay, and yeah, you do look cute. Laura, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again soon.

Laura: Thank you, Jason, thank you so much.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laura Summer for a fun interview. The Phile will be back on Monday with Eric "A.K." Knutson from Flotsam and Jetsam. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon