Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile from my new home. How are you on this Monday? Thank god is hot enough for me to finally justify my laziness. Yesterday, the U.S. women's national soccer team beat the Netherlands 2-0 in the final game of the Women's World Cup. And they had more working against them than just the wrath of the President and his MAGA-klan. Three months earlier, 28 members of the team sued the U.S. soccer federation for gender discrimination, including paying them less than the men's team "for substantially equal work." This is why, at the end of yesterday's championship match, a huge section of the crowd could be heard loudly chanting "Equal pay! Equal pay!" As people like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pointed out on Twitter, the victorious team deserves to paid at least as much as the men's team. The lack of equal pay seems especially unfair given that the U.S. Women's National Team has outperformed the men's team consistently, dating back to the first women's World Cup in 1991. AOC is not the only person who thinks the U.S. Women's Team should make more. Even U.S. Presidential nominee Kamala Harris weighed in. Last year, the 2018 men’s World Cup prize money was $400 million, compared to the $30 million the winning female team will receive this year. FIFA President Gianni Infantino said the organization will double the pay for the next women’s World Cup in 2023, but even then the pay will be far from equal. “It certainly is not fair,” said U.S. soccer star/national treasure Megan Rapinoe. “We should double it now and use that number to double it or quadruple it for the next time.” Unfortunately FIFA is not known for prioritizing the needs and rights of the women's team. Rapinoe also called them out for the extremely unchill move of scheduling two other matches the same day as the Women's World Cup final this year. But even outside of FIFA, a lot of people believe that the men's team should make more than the women's team. The reasoning has to do with how much revenue the men's games bring in compared to the women's games. Quite a few men are making this point on Twitter, some more tactfully than others. This may be true at the World Cup level, but actually it is no longer true within the U.S. Turns out, women's soccer generates more money domestically than men's soccer, but women are still paid less. So while the fight for World Cup equal pay may take many years, there is no excuse to pay the women's team less for U.S. games. Either way, one thing remains certain: Megan Rapinoe is the President of the United States.
I don't care if it makes me basic: I love England's royal family. Apparently I'm in great, voluminous company, because Harry and Megan just released new photographs of baby Archie and people are freaking out... in a positive way, of course. Saturday, Harry and Megan posted to their official Instagram account two photographs. The first shows members of the royal family assembled to commemorate Archie's christening, an important event in the Anglican Church. According to Buzzfeed News, "The official portrait shows Meghan, Harry, and Archie surrounded by members of their family, including familiar royal faces Prince Charles; Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall; Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge; and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge. Meghan's mother, Doria Ragland, is also in the beautiful picture, standing alongside two of Harry's aunts, the late Princess Diana's sisters: Lady Sarah McCorquodale and Lady Jane Fellowes."
The second is the most revealing view of the baby we've been afforded yet. The black-and-white tableau features Archie being doted upon by his parents. It's SUPER cute.
Though Harry shared a photograph of Archie on Father's Day, the ones posted Saturday are much more intimate. They pull back the curtain further and allow royal-obsessed fanatics a glimpse into the family's private life. Before you know it, we'll be scrolling through shots of Archie's first steps, graduation from Eton, and his own royal wedding. But in the meantime, enjoy this snapshot of a family unit bound by love.
While the dozens of Democratic presidential candidates fight it out to see which particular pathway to universal health coverage will help them win over Trump supporters, Trump supporters actively awaited the return of a man who died twenty years ago. Journalist stationed at the Trump military parade met Trump supporters who are hardcore adherents to a conspiracy theory called QAnon, whose many delusions include the hypothesis that JFK Jr. is alive and is going to be Trump's running mate in 2020. The theory goes as deep as believing that a Pittsburgh Trump supporter named Vincent Fusca is the Kennedy in disguise. Needless to say, JFK Jr. did not return from the grave. It looks like the only First Son these people have to pin their hopes on is Don Jr.
The spawn of Donald Trump have certainly proven themselves to be the children of Donald Trump this month, with each of the Holy Trinity (Don Jr., Ivanka, and Eric) doing something embarrassing and/or dangerous. Ivanka Trump kicked off her presidential campaign by pretending to be a world leader, hopping into photo ops with heads of state and trying her damnedest to contribute to the conversation. Donald Trump Jr. shared a racist tweet about Senator Kamala Harris, jumping into birtherism's female reboot. Eric Trump, who "Saturday Night Live" portrays as "the dumb one" in a family of dumb ones, tweeted an attempted burn at former President Barack Obama that ended up just being a massive self-own. My dude tweeted-and-deleted a photo he claimed showed Obama at the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea in 2008. If you recall what the world was like just eleven years ago, George W. Bush was the president, and Obama was a mere senator from Illinois.
The photo was taken in 2012, when Barack Obama, the guy with "Commander in Chief" written on his jacket, was indeed a the commander in chief. Plus, maybe not offering a dictator a propaganda photoshoot for free was a good thing? It was also unclear what Eric is trying to say that his father accomplished, other than getting Kim Jong Un to smile. He'd be so pretty if he smiled more. He fixed the post with a fact-check, but it got burned as well. Eric is on board with Bromance Diplomacy, but other Americans would rather not see the president become BFFs with a guy who tortured an American student to death and fed his own uncle to dogs, Ramsay Bolton-style. It's okay, buddy. We can't all be experts in history and diplomacy like Ivanka.
This is a coincidence... today's guest is the lead singer in the band Flotsam and Jetsam, who are the names of Ursula's green moray eel minions in the Disney movie The Little Mermaid and Disney's new Little Mermaid is Halle Bailey and racists are throwing a fit. Imagine being a full grown adult and getting mad that a kids' movie isn't being cast the way you want. You'd have to be insane, right? Or just insanely racist. And the controversy surrounding Disney's upcoming remake of The Little Mermaid is exactly that. Disney just announced that Halle Bailey of the singing group Chloe x Halle will play Ariel in a live-action remake of The Little Mermaid. I mean, have you ever in your life seen someone who looks more like a live-action version of a Disney Princess?? She's also BeyoncĂ©'s protegĂ©e and has been hard at work on her singing career since she was a child, so she's clearly got the goods. Still, some people are whining because Halle is black and the cartoon version of Ariel from 1989 was white-skinned with red hair (and a green tail, because she's a mermaid, and mermaids aren't real and do not belong to any one specific race). Trolls are attempting to mask their racism with statements like "she doesn't look physically like Ariel," which, again, is insane because Ariel is not a real person you guys. She is a half-fish-half-girl who someone drew in a picture once. Oh, and, small detail: white people get cast as actual people of color... not fantasy figures who were once drawn as white, but actual people... all the time. Suddenly all of Twitter has opinions on what mermaids are supposed to look like. Yes, grown adults are arguing that mermaids need to look a certain way. But Twitter is having a field day roasting all the racists who can't handle a black person playing a mermaid. Some are arguing that it's unlikely Ariel would've survived in her climate as a ginger in the first place. Others point out that if we want to be "historically accurate" about what mermaids would've looked like, the answer is... not cute. I mean, it's science. So the 1989 version of Ariel was a massive, massive stretch to begin with... not only because she was thin and beige and red-haired humanlike, but also because, oh my god why are we arguing about this mermaids aren't real. The point, of course, is that any talented actress can play Ariel, regardless of race. And not-that-talented white actors have been playing roles intended for people of color for eons. Facts are facts: white people don't have a monopoly on mermaid stories. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But one thing's for sure this casting suggestion is actually kind of inspired... it’s not too late to cast LINDSAY LOHAN as Sebastian.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
I bet it's uplifting. I had another thought about the Mermaid movie... when I saw this I thought of something...
Then it hit me.
I'm a genius, right? You know, no one said a word when this movie came out...
If I had a TARDIS I would go to see Bill Clinton when he was younger but knowing my luck he'd be too busy playing with Hillary.
Man, Ivanka Trump sure is an unwelcome interloper boxing way above her weight throughout history...
A few weeks ago Trump was in England and some people over there sure had some clever anti-Trump signs.
Hahahahahaha. I was thinking of getting a new tattoo but someone had the same idea I had...
Haha. Did you know Trump played accordion? No? Here's proof...
If you love songs about trucks, drinkin' beer, and driving down dirt roads, this pheature is going to rock your world.
Okay, so there's this guy who claims he's so tough and full of masculinity... just because Masculinity is his seconds name and he carried a gun and smokes. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, Martin, what's going on?
Martin Masculinity: I'm the guy who refuses to make room for you when walking by in the other direction.
Me: Ummm. Okay. why do you do that?
Martin Masculinity: I'm trying to assert my dominance and make myself feel like hot shit.
Me: I never understand why people do that. Does it make you feel like "hot shit"?
Martin Masculinity: Yup.
Me: Okay then... Martin Masculinity, the toughest man alive... I really doubt that's true.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Now for some sad news...
Arte Johnson
January 20th, 1929 — July 3rd, 2019
A distinguished acting career, and he'll be bets remember for playing both a Nazi soldier and a horny old man who hit on Ruth Buzzi. Congrats, Arte.
Lee Iacocca
October 15th, 1924 — July 2nd, 2019
A legend in the automotive industry. Ugly as a mud fence, but a legend.
Judith Krantz
January 9th, 1928 — June 22nd, 2019
Til we meet again indeed.
Wanna laugh? I bet you do...
A man and his wife had a son, but the baby didn't have a body, just a head. So the man and his wife raised the head. On the boy's 21st birthday, the man took his son out for drinks. When the boy took his first sip, he grew a torso and the whole bar lit up. The bartender seemed absolutely disgusted and the boy's father was crying. So he drunk some more and the more he drunk, the body parts that came out. The bar was cheering, the father was crying and the bartender was still disgusted. The boy got all of his body parts and picked up his last drink with his hands. He was so drunk that he wobbled outside into the street, got hit with a 18 wheeler and died. Everyone was in so much shock except the bartender, who then replied, "He should have quit while he was ahead."
When it comes to the world of professional sports, there is no room for fair weather fans. So, when Donald Trump congratulated the U.S. Women's Soccer Team on beating the Netherlands 2-0, and thus winning the World Cup, people were quick to point out his hypocrisy.
For those not caught up to speed, for the last few weeks Trump has been feuding with the co-captain of the U.S. Women's team, Megan Rapinoe. It all started when Rapinoe told reporters she wouldn't attend the White House if her team won the 2019 World Cup, "I'm not going to the fucking White House. We're not going to be invited." The clip of her immediately went viral because of how many people related to her feelings about Trump. However, Trump himself was not a fan of the statement, and quickly fired back by going on a Twitter rant and tagging the wrong Megan Rapinoe. The tweets are now deleted, but they were luckily captured via screenshot for the entire world to keep on file. In his rant, he claimed he is a huge soccer fan and that Rapinoe's statements would now inspire him to invite the team regardless of whether they win or lose. He also went on to state how much professional sports teams (besides the NBA) love coming to the White House. The wrong Rapinoe, who was tagged by Trump, was quick to express her support for the professional soccer player's perspective. Needless to say, this turn of events makes Trump's congratuluation message to the U.S. Women's Soccer Team sufficiently awkward, and people were quick to point that out. The responses got downright creative, but mostly, people used the tweet as an opportunity to express their love for Rapinoe. Invitation or not, one thing is for sure: Rapinoe is still definitely not going to the White House.
The 101st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Andrea will be the guest on the Phile next Tuesday. And now for some...
Phact 1. According to the diary of H. J. Whitley, known as the “Father of Hollywood," on his honeymoon in 1886 he stood at the top of a hill looking out over the valley. Along came a Chinese man in a wagon carrying wood. The man got out of the wagon and bowed. The Chinese man was asked what he was doing and replied, “I holly-wood," meaning hauling wood. H.J. Whitley had an epiphany and decided to name his new town Hollywood.
Phact 2. St. Patrick banishing the snakes from Ireland was really just a metaphor for converting pagans to Catholicism.
Phact 3. A farm in Carlisle, Massachusetts has a Smart Barn that lets the cows get milked by robots whenever they feel like it, and has an automatic back-scratcher as well.
Phact 4. Amazon warehouses use a chaotic storage system where products are not stored by what they are, but rather by where in the warehouse they can best fit.
Phact 5. Beatles played a demo copy of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” before its release at full volume from an open apartment window at 6 a.m.. Instead of complaining, the residents opened their windows and listened, aware they were hearing unreleased Beatles music.
Today's guest is the lead singer for American thrash metal and progressive metal band Flotsam and Jetsam whose new CD "The End of Chaos" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Eric "A.K." Knutson.
Me: Hey, Eric, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Eric: I'm doing great, man, how are you?
Me: I'm doing really good. I saw you guys in concert in the late 80s in Orlando. It's cool you're still touring... what do you like best about being on the road?
Eric: Hitting places we've hadn't been in awhile. There's a lot of old friends I run into that I knew from back in the day who just hang out at the shows or whatever. Seeing people 20 years later is kinda a cool thing.
Me: You have really dedicated fans, am I right?
Eric: Yeah, I love our hardcore fans, they're really super cool people. They're always bringing us local gifts. "Here's a local beer for ya."
Me: Do you get a lot of younger kids at your shows?
Eric: Yeah, a lot of older fans bringing their teenage kids with them. They're all wearing Flotsam shirts or whatever. It's kinda neat there's gonna be another generation of old school metal pretty much.
Me: Yeah, my son is 19-years-old and is into classic rock bands and stuff. In your shows do you do stuff from your whole career?
Eric: We've been keeping it pretty much old school on our set lists. We just went and did a big festival in Europe and they wanted and paid extra money because they wanted us to do the entire "Doomsday for the Deceiver" record played live so we had to learn a bunch of songs we hadn't played for ever and ever and we realized how much fun they are to play. We try to get as many of those in the set as we can now.
Me: You have a new album out now. Do you play songs from that?
Eric: Yeah, a couple of new ones like "Demolition Man" as we all love the new record.
Me: I never realized that Jason Newsted from Metallica was in the band. Was it hard to find a replacement back then?
Eric: When Newsted left we picked Michael Spencer to be his replacement, we picked him for a reason, he is a good bass player and a really cool guy to hang out with. Our manager at that time who was like our sixth member really didn't like him. He ended up talking us to get rid of the guy and we kinda wish we never did now because he rots in the band like when we first met him and he's still a great bass player.
Me: You're the only original member of the band. How do you feel about the current band? Haha.
Eric: It's very comfortable with the guys in the band I have. I'm not worrying that someone is going to mess up and they're gonna remember this. It's very comfortable, they're super pro and everybody is linked in to the songs and they enjoy playing them. It's very comfortable to play with this line up.
Me: Last year marked the 30th anniversary for the album "No Place for Disgrace." That's the tour I saw you guys on. Wow. Are you surprised that you are still doing this after so long?
Eric: Yeah, I'm surprised I'm still alive. I am kinda surprised that we are still doing it, not that we're still doing it, but people still wanna hear it. That's the surprising thing. It seems to be that coming back to life now and looking even more positive than it ever was.
Me: Do you see yourself doing this rock thing for a long time?
Eric: It continues to be exciting for me so I'm gonna stick with it as long as I possibly can.
Me: How long has the band been around, Eric?
Eric: I've been doing this pretty much steady since about '83 and except for a six month break I quit for some reason, I can't even remember why I've never made huge paychecks or anything where I'm driving Ferrari's around or anything like that. It's always been hard work, street band kinda stuff.
Me: I'm sure other bands have been influenced by you guys. How does that make you feel?
Eric: What keeps me going more than anything is people telling me I influenced them and the fact they're in a band because of me. That means more to me than any paycheck. That's one of the collect things about being around for so long.
Me: What makes Flotsam and Jetsam and other thrash bands so popular you think?
Eric: I don't know. With us it's a really strange thing. We've got a base of hard core Flotsam fans who will not let us go for any reason. That's really kinda where we're at. We don't do a lot of album sales, we make just enough money to stay out on the road... that's it. A lot of bands are out there because at one point they did some really great albums and they have a lot of interest in them. Ours is really like a cult following almost. Other bands that are still out there doing it took breaks for a long time. Sacred Rite took a break forever, all the bands, Metal Church took a break for a long time. Tesla kinda did but they're really hard core troopers too, they keep going, they're just a freight train that won't stop. We're all kinda still doing this hoping with our fingers crossed it's going to come back around and people are gonna like this kinda metal again. It's really happening now.
Me: How the music industry is now opposed to 30 years ago do you think it makes it easier or harder for bands?
Eric: Right now it's much harder. Labels used to have a little more control over it and they knew how to make the money. The Internet came along and just said no, you're done. It's a bad thing in one way but once we learnt our way around the Internet and how we can use it to our advantage I think it will get back to the way they were, it'll just be different. Then it won't be such an Internet ruined the music industry thing, it'll just be the Internet changed it. We just have to learn how to manipulate the Internet, to get the music industry back to the shining star it used to be once.
Me: Do you think as an artist you have more control now as you did 30 years ago?
Eric: Yeah, personally I have more control for sure. I don't rely management or agents or labels anywhere as near as much as I used to. But when we were younger and relying on all the people I just thought I was gonna be a rich rock star for the rest of my life and I had nothing to worry about anyway. Dumb kids think that. The more I learned the more I learned I don't really need that much help. I could do pretty much most of it myself. It's nice and makes things much easier if I use a good agent and have a good manager that's not a lazy ass, it makes things much more easier for me to concentrate on the musical performances and production and stuff like that. But I can certainly do that all myself if I really just buckle down and work like 10 hours a day on a lap top. They're still needed out there but it's not quite relied upon as it once were. They don't have as much control over our lives.
Me: Do you feel more creative in the writing now?
Eric: Yeah, I'm having a blast writing. Our first 5 records I wrote half of the stuff and the other half of the stuff was by Newsted, our manager, friends, whatever. None of those songs were my heart, my brain, all by myself. So for the last 5 or 6 albums we've done it's been all me, every lyric. It gets more and more exciting for me every record. I get to be all creative and come up with stuff and pretend I'm smart and all that. It's really exciting for me to write. I wish I could sit home and write records and be in the studio 24/7. I'll miss the road too much and people wanna see us live.
Me: Do you find it hard to write on the road?
Eric: Well, sometimes I'll jot ideas down but the way I like to write is sit in a dark room with headphones on with the song basically written and I just play it over and over again and come up with ideas and melodies. That works out great for me. On the road there's too much going on, people on and off the bus all the time.
Me: Do you think meeting the fans on the road after the shows makes the band more popular or not?
Eric: It does and we almost have to now. There's a lot more of that going on, with VIP stuff, hanging out at the merch booth after the show and that kinda stuff is because most of the bands that are still out doing it got their egos knocked in the dirt, do you know what I mean. No, they're not gonna be driving Ferrari's around, they're gonna work their butts off driving in a van, or a bus, whatever, and eating Ramen to do this. If they're willing to do that. Their egos are knocked down quite a bit. I think a lot of bands that used to be "rock stars" are now realizing you know what, without these people here that I'm outside singing autographs, taking pictures, I'm not out here. A lot of bands are very humbled and are out there for better reasons than they're used to. I think fans are really gonna benefit from that.
Me: I take it you like talking to the fans, am I right?
Eric: Yeah, I get a little more of that they want, what they like, whether that influences my writing or not it's up to me. At least I know what my fans favorite things are about me.
Me: A lot of bands I interviewed and haven't interviewed are using crowd funding. What's your thoughts on that, Eric?
Eric: You know, we used that for our "Ugly Noise" record. We funded the whole thing off from that. We did a not to aggressive money point that we wanted to get to. We got there pretty quick, we made the record, and that was it. Some people are taking advantage of it and getting hundred and thousands of dollars to make the record. For some reason I don't think that's right. We did it to get the job done and then sell it out there as normal. Other than that I haven't seen a down fault to the thing. If they could sell stuff like we have like signed guitars, all kinds of stuff, it gives the fans a little more opportunity to be involved of the process. We listed everybody that funded ours on the record and listed them as executive producers. It's kind of a fun thing, and we'd send them little updates while we recorded and asked them how do they like this and stuff like that so they feel like they're involved in the actual making of the record. All of them together paid for the thing so it's a win win.
Me: With a lot of the stores not selling records, is it hard to get physical copies of the CDs to the fans as you're doing it yourself?
Eric: Getting the record to the people as a physical copy and stuff like that that's a pain in the butt. I'm like, man, I wish I was on a label so I wouldn't have to do this crap. Other than that it's a really cool thing. With distribution we still need a company or label of some kind so we're really not getting away with doing it ourselves completely. But we can build up instead of the $2,000 the label offered us to make the record we can get $25,000 to make the record and go hog wild with it.
Me: How are your European fans? Records are big over there more than here I think.
Eric: Yeah, they're big on out stuff. They sell just as many vinyl records as they ever have. In the U.S. people are a little more technical savvy I guess. They're like "I have the phone in my hand, why do I need to buy anything?" Which makes sense but it's not a physical thing.
Me: Did you celebrate the 30th anniversary of "No Place For Disgrace"?
Eric: No, we've been so busy with recording the new record we hadn't had time to plan anything for it but I'm sure there's a couple of European festivals that want us to play that whole record.
Me: What can you tell us about the new album "The End of Chaos"?
Eric: It came out November 9th. It seems like the A-list songs from the last record basically. We made 2 albums worth of music and we put the ones worth anything on the record. Ones that are really good are this next record.
Me: I have to say my favorite thing about your band is your version of Elton John's "Saturday Night is Alright For Fighting" from "No Place for Disgrace." Haha. Do you like that cover?
Eric: At first when we got done recording it I was like I don't know if I like it or not. The original song sticks in my head but I'm like I still don't know. The more I listened to it the more I thought this thing is really cool.
Me: When you write the song how do you show it to the band?
Eric: It's typically me thinking is it me that just likes it or do they like it.
Me: Cool. Eric, thanks for being on the Phile. Come back when your next CD comes out.
Eric: Thanks very much, man.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Eric for a great interview. The Phile will be back with not one but two legendary comedy icons... Steve Martin and Martin Short! Yup. Both of 'em. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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