Pheaturing Simon Pegg

 

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? I just want to say Dr. McCoy would've developed a cure for the coronavirus and tested it on himself by now. There’s nothing worse than having to go to the restroom while you’re inside your car, and there are at least 20 minutes for you until you get home. I’ve been there, there are numerous times that I can count where I’ve had to pee so bad that I felt like I was going to go right then and there. But, what would you do if you had to poop so badly but then got stopped by the cops? This is exactly what happened to this poor Oklahoma woman who refused to cooperate during a traffic stop which sparked a high-speed chase and guns being drawn in a neighborhood. According to authorities, 28-year-old old Emily Owings was initially pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. She apparently also didn’t have a license or her insurance with her. The only form of identification she had was her medical marijuana card. According to body camera footage from the officer, this exactly how the whole hilarious situation went down. A total mess. Officer: “Your license Is suspended,” Owings: “Why?” Officer: “I don’t know,” Officer: “Now, I am waiting to see if you have warrants through Woods County,” Owings: “But I have to poop so bad,” Officer: “Where do you think I was going?” Owings: “It’s my birthday. It’s my fucking birthday.” That’s when the police officer found she had a warrant out for her arrest for allegedly fighting another officer. That’s when Owings asked the officer why he wouldn’t just let her go, to which he responded that her license is suspended. Owings told the officer that she didn’t know that it was suspended, otherwise, she wouldn’t be driving, but to please allow her to go home and poop. The officer trying to hold in his laughter, at least that’s what I’m thinking, calls another officer for backup. He asked us to get out of the car, to which she asked him if she’s going to arrest her. He tells her yes, that she is under arrest and in disbelief, Owings states “are you kidding me? Why?” Apparently the woman had a warrant in Wood County and the cops were on the way to get her. Owens responds, “No they are not! Fuck you guys!” She then attempts to put the key in the ignition and sped off. And thus, the pursuit started, which lasted several blocks with speeds topping up to 70 miles per hour. Authorities stated Owings blew through a stop sign and a school zone sign. She eventually stopping and surrendered on police officers pointed their guns at her. When searching in the vehicle, officers were able to find a pipe with meth inside it. She was booked into the Garfield County Detention Center and is now facing several felony charges. I really have to give it to this woman for trying to pull the I have to poop card. I would have never guessed it, but at least now we know that it doesn’t work there so going to arrest you. Truly a bizarre excuse. 

A vegan bride who is surely destined to be a laid back wife and cool mom disinvited every meat-eating friend and relative from her wedding because she could not conscionably host a party full of “murderers.” That includes her own mother and two cousins, all of whom were bridesmaids. Originally the 20-year-old bride only went so far as to have a vegan-only menu at her wedding, which is fine. It’s her wedding. At some point, however, likely after a misleadingly illuminating, hard peyote trip in which she hallucinated her mom and other guests giddily shooting up a school full of innocent cows and chickens or something, she decided that her loved ones simply eating vegan for the night wasn’t good enough. They had to promise to never go back to their evil, murderous ways or be disinvited. Since the bride’s loved ones don’t negotiate with terrorists, they declined her ultimatum. The bride also said she was worried that her non-vegan family members would “attack” her vegan friends, which she used to justify her preemptive strike. Also, it’s worth noting, in regard to the whole meat is murder thing, that plants know when they’re being eaten (and presumably are not fans of it). A bride certainly can do, more or less, whatever she likes on her wedding day. Disinviting her family and friends for reasons that are at-best selfish and at worst batshit insane probably doesn’t fall under the umbrella of “acceptable irrational bride behavior,” though. Demanding all your wedding guests drastically change their lives (in a way that just so happens to perfectly align with your own beliefs) overnight or to GTFO isn’t what a bridezilla does. It’s what a crappy person does. The bride’s family, it would seem, are far better people than their meat-free relative. One of her family members said that they are still supportive of the bride, but hurt by her decision. Maybe the bride should cut acting like a tool out of her life.

For LaShenda Williams, things are finally starting to look brighter for her future for the first time. Williams was a homeless woman in Tennessee, who had been sleeping in a Nashville Kroger parking lot in her 2015 Kia Forte since late 2018. And in an amazing turn of events, she now works for that same Kroger Grocery Store, making enough money to have her own apartment. Williams was originally from Alabama and had moved to Nashville when she was only 19-years-old. She became addicted to crack cocaine, had a limp because she had cerebral palsy, and also had a learning disability that made it difficult to read or write. So she did what she could and worked odd jobs such as cooking or housecleaning. After she got treatment for her drug addiction, she couldn’t afford her own place, explaining that she would, “live from place to place or stay in abandoned houses.” With the money she made, she would be able to go into the East Nashville Kroger to get something to eat and drink, saying, “I felt blessed on the days when I could walk into that store and get something to eat and drink and hear a kind ‘hello’ from somebody working there. I’ve always felt safe there.” But when nighttime would come, Williams would park her car in the store’s parking lot, explaining, “It was open 24 hours and the lot was always lit up at night. I figured I’d be safe there. I’d hunker down in my seat to sleep and nobody could see me. For more than a year, hardly anybody bothered me... I’d grab my little blue blanket and curl up.” After spending the last year in the Tennessee Kroger parking lot, Williams saw a flier that the grocery store was hiring. So she saw an opportunity, and in hoping for the best, she went inside to ask the Kroger hiring manager Jackie Vandal about being one of the first applicants for the upcoming job, saying, “Maybe I could work here one day. You got room for me?” Vandal followed a gut feeling and immediately said she would help Williams fill out an application. They sat together and worked through all the questions on Williams’ application on her old laptop, with Vandal sitting patiently while guiding Williams through it. “I was filling everything out the best I could, and Ms. Vandal could see that I was having a hard time,” she said, “She came over to help me and said, ‘Don’t you worry... we’re going to help you to get back on your feet.’” And when the confirmation came through that Williams had successfully applied, Vandal, again, immediately told her the good news, “You’re hired.” “I couldn’t believe it... I hugged her and cried,” Williams said, “It was overwhelming. Somebody gave me a chance.” And the 46-year-old made the most of her opportunity. After working for five months as a self-checkout associate, she had finally saved enough money to get her own one-bedroom apartment. And the community didn’t stop at giving her a job to help her. As co-workers and customers came together to help her furnish her new place, her story became popular enough way beyond her fellow team members at the Kroger Nashville division, with the Kroger website and last month’s Tennessean featuring her story. ​Verlenteez Williams (no relation) learned of LaShenda’s situation and posted on a private East Nashville Facebook group page asking for help. In an overwhelming amount of responses from people wanting to help, he was not surprised that people wanted to help make a positive impact. “I met [LaShenda] in passing while shopping at the Kroger, and she always said ‘hello’ and had a smile,” he said, “I knew I had some things [to donate], and I figured since she’d been a delight to me, there were surely other people who felt the same as I did.” Williams works from 7:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. five days a week. She commented, “I have a home to drive to!” she said. “I’m so happy to still be here... I’m grateful to be alive. No matter what I’ve been through, I’m still standing.”

A man riding the bus was spotted doing “man riding the bus” stuff. The British man was seen riding a Transport for Greater Manchester bus with a large snake wrapped around his face from the bridge of the nose down. The snake, apparently, was his face mask. Check this shit out...

According to one passenger who had the good fortune of witnessing this man’s nightmare mask, the snake was actually moving and wriggling around his face while he was wearing it. That’s what tipped the other passengers off, actually. At first the other passengers, presumably while attempting the typical bus passenger “eyes down try not to look at anyone” posture, thought it was just a weird mask. But once the snake started unfurling itself the man, much like someone using their bus seat as a toilet, was impossible to ignore. Because it was apparently not clear already, Transport for Greater Manchester released a statement explaining that snakes could not be used as face coverings on their vehicles. “Government guidance clearly states that this needn’t be a surgical mask, and that passengers can make their own or wear something suitable, such as a scarf or bandana. While there is a small degree of interpretation that can be applied to this, we do not believe it extends to the use of snakeskin... especially when still attached to the snake.” It’s the bus. What did they expect? What does anyone expect? To be quite frank, in terms of insane things to witness on the bus this is near the best. No one is taking off their clothes and playing with themselves, no one is vomiting in their own lap, no one is screaming violently at a ghost. Just a guy with a snake. Big deal. I would still get up and move away from this dude though. Or get off the bus completely. 

For some people, regular hand-washing just became a thing. I can’t believe some people just now started keeping hand soap in the bathroom and hand sanitizer in their purses. Let’s do better. If you’re part of the majority who is just now investing in soap dispensers and hand soap, you will love this liquid soap dispenser. If you have a husband who isn’t washing his hands for a minute still, then I bet this soap dispenser will motivate him to wash his hands. Heck, maybe even the ladies too. This gadget sure does beat using your typical hand soap dispenser.

Many people use it for shampoo and conditioner, but you can definitely use it for hand soap if you have a child-free home. Why do I get the feeling if bars were to put this in their restrooms, that they wouldn’t be a hotspot for COVID? I feel like a bunch of horn dogs would love to use the boob soap dispenser. Forget manual soap dispenser pumps and automatic soap dispensers. It’s 2020. The boobs soap dispenser is what the people want at this point. There aren’t any funny customer reviews (sad), but it does have four out of five stars. It has to be somewhat fun to use! If you’re looking for a fun bathroom accessory that’s family-friendly, consider this wall mount soap dispenser instead. Obviously, a soap dispenser in the shape of boobs isn’t exactly what kids need to be around!

Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...

Ummm... maybe not. Sorry, Carlos, whoever you are. It's pumpkins spice season already and some companies are taking it a little bit too far this year...

Have you seen the original Star Trek series lately? If you haven't it's on Netflix. I think they may have changed  a few things to go with the times...

See? Ha. Poor guy in the red shirt. So, today's guest, Simon Pegg as you know is in the Mission: Impossible movies. Well, if you go overseas you might find a bootleg DVD of one of your favorite movies. Sometimes they have different covers as well. Like this one...

Hahahaha. I saw this on the web and I thought out looked like a photo to the headline "Florida Couple Steals Lion From Zoo."

Hahahaha. So, now that Tom Brady has been playing in Tampa for a few weeks now he kinda changed his look...

Hahahaha. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...

Top Phive Thoughts By People With Anxiety

5. I get anxiety when I hear about someone else's anxiety and I don't have that type of anxiety cuz I think there's something wrong with my anxiety.

4. Oh, look at the time. It's anxiety o'clock. 

3. Me: It's gonna be a good day. Anxiety: It's like you don't even care about what happened in third grade anymore. 

2. They should make an app for people with anxiety or depression that will have extroverts make phone calls and appointments for them. 

And the number one thought by someone with anxiety is...

1. Welp. It’s bedtime folks. Let’s get that anxiety ramping up so we can all lay awake in bed for the next few hours to keep us awake.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg 

March 15th, 1933 — September 18th, 2020 

I think we speak for most Americans when I say: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, here's another story from...

A Florida man is $100 richer... not including any potential medical bills... after he won a bet with a friend over whether or not he was brave enough to mess with a shark the pair saw swimming near Jensen Beach, Florida. The man was indeed brave enough. Unfortunately for him, the shark was also pretty brave and not at all in the mood to be poked at and messed with. So the shark decided to latch onto the guy’s arm. Ultimately the Martin County Fire Department had to respond to the incident. The aftermath of the shark vs. man interaction was caught on video and posted to Facebook. All, please know, this shark did not go after this guy. This guy grabbed the shark and the shark bite him. Hopefully lesson learned for this guy. Fortunately for the man the shark’s bite wasn’t too painful. He told onlookers that the shark’s mouth felt like sandpaper. Regardless, he needed some help to get the thing off his arm. Eventually first responders were able to get the shark loose by pouring alcohol on its face. The shark, fortunately, was still alive and released back into the ocean where, hopefully, no other Florida men and women will gleefully poke at it for the lawlz. This could be a full-time job in Florida. Like a pool hustler but instead you bet tourists that you can get a shark to bite you. This seems like a viable form of income. Shark bite hustler. I want to talk crap on this guy but I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing on four hours of sleep, seventeen Coronas deep for the fourth day in a row, delirious from dehydration, and well on my way to a sunstroke, which is how I assume pretty much everyone down to mess with a shark is on every Florida beach.

The 136th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Stephenie will be on the Phile next Monday... a week from today. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, shall we?

Nothing really going on there. Look at that clear sky though. Okay, wanna laugh?

A woman on her deathbed, called her husband and asked him to open a box from under the bed. Inside he found three eggs and 7,000 in cash. "What are the eggs for?" asks the husband. She replied, "Every time we had crap sex, I would put an egg in the box." "Not bad" says the husband, "Three eggs in 35 years. And the cash?" "She replies, "Every time I got a dozen, I fucking sold them!"

This is cool, kids. Today's guest is an English actor, comedian, screenwriter, and producer. Please welcome to the Phile... Simon Pegg!

Me: Hey, Simon!!! I'm a BIG fan. Welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Simon: I'm pretty good, Jason. Thank you. 

Me: So, you're making two new Mission: Impossible movies back to back, am I right? 

Simon: Yeah, it's this huge franchise now. 

Me: So, what goes in your head when you're preparing tp go into that for a long time? 

Simon: Here I go again. Invariably it's going to involve new challenges, new skills learnt, new places visited. Whenever I get a new Mission: Impossible script it's exciting to find out where I'm going to go, what I'm going to learn to do. 

Me: What did you learn to do for the last Mission: Impossible film? 

Simon: I learnt to drive a very powerful speedboat at speed. Go underwater filming and the fight choreography was very intensive. 

Me: Do you get nervous, Simon? I would. Haha. 

Simon: It's like getting on a roller coaster, it's the clack-clack-clack as I go up the first hill. I'm like this is it. 

Me: I've never seen any of the Mission: Impossible films but I heard you guys do your own stunts. How do you feel about that? 

Simon: I think it's just the moment of realisation that Tom Cruise has, Tom has always been very keen to do his own stunts. It means if the actor does his own stunts they don't have to cut away so much, they don't have to cut around so much. They can change their shots to focus on the actor... 

Me: If I were you I would say to Tom Cruise there's this thing called CGI. Ever think of that? 

Simon: Even though you can do that these days with face replacement, CGI, there is something very, very key to the audience knowing what they're watching actually happened. Tom had a realisation when we did Ghost Protocol we first showed it to an audience the scene where he stepped out not the ledge of the Burj Khalifa, there was that amazing shot that Brad Bird did in IMAX, the whole audience I felt them gasp at once. I think Tom had an epiphany of like this is how we got authenticity, this is how we give the audience the extra level of enjoyment. When they're watching the film, knowing that that's Tom as well as Ethan in that situation, as well as all of us. 

Me: Ha! Brad Bird is gonna be on the Phile tomorrow funny enough. Okay, so, there's an urban legend so to speak about you, Simon, that I have to ask you about. Supposedly when you were doing press for Shaun of the Dead someone asked you if you were going to leave the U.K. film industry and go to Hollywood... and you said... what did you say? 

Simon: I said I'm not just going to walk off and do Mission: Impossible 3. Which didn't actually exist at the time. 

Me: What made you say that, Simon? 

Simon: I think the British press has a skepticism there in terms they want you to do well but they don't want you to do well kind of thing. The idea of me leaving is almost like a betrayal as well as something to be proud of. It's an odd dichotomy. So I was kind of half protecting myself against the chance I would ever make a Hollywood movie and half saying I'm going to stay in the U.K. and work there. I made up this blockbuster called Mission: Impossible 3 and 6 months later J.J. Abrams called and said, "Do you want to be in Mission: Impossible 3?' and I said yes, I do! 

Me: Did you picture that tie you having a different kind of career? 

Simon: I guess it was a kind of mythological idea of I go off to Hollywood to do one movie and I never come back. Like I cross a bridge at midnight and exchanged with the Hollywood film industry and I'm not allowed to go home. I love and work in the U.K. and I'll always make stuff there and I want to continue to produce films and television there. But I can commit. I could go and do a big Hollywood film and I can always come home. That's the fact, that's the true of it. 

Me: When that call from J.J. Abrams came about the real Mission: Impossible 3 what was that conversation like? 

Simon: It was like, "Hey, Simon, I saw you at the Saturn Awards..." He's seen Shaun of the Dead and he said, "I wanted to come and say hi but I got nervous. Do you want to come and do a little bit of Mission: Impossible 3? It'll be fun, it'll just be for a couple of days" I was like wot? Sorry wot? Who are you? 

Me: Did you know who Abrams was? 

Simon: I knew him from Alias and he just finished the first season of Lost and he sent me the whole first season off Lost on individual DVDS so he said, "This is what I'm kind of into, what I've been doing." That was it. 

Me: You two must get along as you have done a bunch of stuff with him, am I right? 

Simon: I met someone who was going to become one of my best friends and gone me untold opportunities in life. He offered me Star Trek, he offered me Star Wars over dinner one day. It was exactly the same thing... "Oh, do you want to come and play this big fat alien in Star Wars?" Yep. That's just him, he's very to the point. 

Me: Is there something about him that allowed you two work so well together? 

Simon: Yeah, we're just extremely compatible. We both have the same interests, we both have the same sense of humour, we grew up loving ther same stuff, I have great respect for him and I hope that reciprocated and we just clicked. Really we just clicked. 

Me: Did you both start out at the same time do you think loving these big franchises? 

Simon: Yeah, I guess. We are of that generation that were children at the point when cinema became as much about spectacle as it did about anything else. That was generally due to Star Wars and so we grew up as children of modern popular culture. There are plenty of directors now, and writers and actors who are funneling the love they filtered as children in their current jobs. And it's meant there's been a lot of this revisionism and rebooting of various things. Essentially the directors of today are getting to make films they loved as kids. That's just the condition of where we are. 

Me: I think of that all the time, that exact thing. Speaking of Star Wars I have to mention the TV show "Spaced" where you played Tim. I have to thank my sister Leila for giving me that series on DVD years ago. In one scene you are getting fired from a comic book star for refusing to sell a child a Jar Jar Binks doll. Now that you're in a Star Wars movie and other franchises like that do you ever feel the wrath of those kinds of fans? 

Simon: Yeah, well, that was an early comment I guess on an entitled toxic fandom which we see a lot of these days. I think I was guilty of it myself. And I think I was guilty of it myself as well. You know, I kind of channeled my disappointment at the Star Wars prequels through Tim, and was able to say the things I couldn't say without him. But then I sort of became known for it. I look back on that now, and although it was funny. 

Me: Back in February I had Ahmed Best who played Jar Jar on the Phile and we talked about how people who didn't like Jar Jar made him upset and hurt. Do you know about that? 

Simon: Yeah, Ahmed was really affected by that. It hurt him. And he was depressed and he took it personally. And of course, it was difficult to envisage a human being behind all that stuff at the time because there was the crazy, whether you liked him or not, character of Jar Jar Binks. And so everyone was levelling their disdain at that figure, but behind that was a person and he really suffered. That makes me feel awful about, even that scene, you know? Just because if that scene had a victim, I wasn't aware of it at the time. And, you know, all this toxic fandom, and denigrating things, and complaining and railing on people... it just feels a bit pointless really. It's just films, really, it's just films. It's important in a way, but not in any essential way. 

Me: Do you think that kind of trolldom is just getting worse? 

Simon: It's stupid. It's childish. It's infertile to be that alloyed about something. I get it, there are things that I watch and don't like and feel annoyed about still, but I wouldn't bully anyone for that reason and I sort of regret ever causing Ahmed Best any grief. We've been part of that narrative that got him,,, depressed, That makes me really sad. And Kelly Marie Tran... it's just ridiculous that someone could be so victimised for just doing their job. Whether you like The Last Jedi or not all those people involved in it were doing the job they were asked to do. And Rian Johnson as a director, whether you like the film or not was his doing the job he as asked to do, whether you think he did a good job or not railing on him, being angry at him personally is stupid. 

Me: I think a lot of people say you won the "fanboy lottery," Simon. I disagree, but what are the people that might think that not know? 

Simon: All the work I did, the consciousness effort to advance in my field I often see myself portrayed as someone who won a ticket, won a competition. And I worked very hard at it, and studied and decided I wanted to be an actor. I didn't fall into it. I actively sought the profession and writer as well and everything else. And also there are other sides to my preferences and tastes in movies, it's not just pure cinema and pure entertainment. I enjoy all facets of cinema and hope to diversify into different kinds of films. 

Me: Do you think yourself as a comedian? 

Simon: No. I haven't been a comedian for 25 years. I started out doing stand-up, I did that for a while, but I'm not a comedian. 

Me: But you do a lot of comedy movies, right? 

Simon: I specialize in comedy film but that's because that's something that I enjoy and been able to do. But I also sometimes feel like seeing Benji or Scotty or someone just referred to as the "comic relief" feels like a reduction to me. It's like, well, yeah they're kind of amusing characters... and particularly with Benji, he provides a degree of lightness to these movies, which is required, because they're so tense. That's where Benji's humour comes from, he's a sort of regular person in this irregular world. But it's not telling jokes the whole time, it's not like a goofy character. 

Me: You said before that you struggled with depression and alcoholism at the beginning of your career. Was there a point in your life where that level of success you had didn't make you immune to those feelings? 

Simon: Well, I think the important thing is everybody understand that that kind of thing is indiscriminate. It has nothing to do with being happy or successful, it doesn't discriminate whether you have, what is perceived as, a material idea of success. Obviously Hollywood, whatever the hell that means, is often seen as being some kind of end goal and nirvana that if you get to it you'll be fine forever. it's not true at all. By any means. So, yeah, that was coming to a point. 

Me: What made you come out and talk about the depression and stuff? 

Simon: I was making a film in L.A. called Lost Transmissions about a schizophrenic and I just felt like it was worth saying because people often feel extremely alone in that situation and isolated and unable to ask for help and if I found community in my situation I am more likely to think maybe I can get out of this. I just thought maybe that was worth sharing. 

Me: Do you think you wanted the attention because of that? 

Simon: Sometimes you see people talking about that in a "poor me" way to try and sensationalize... sometimes. I didn't do that. 

Me: Is there something keeping you away from those dark places now? 

Simon: Yeah, the dark places. I don't want to go back there. I've learnt to understand what causes that and how to avoid it. I found my route out but I cannot expect to do that alone, I can't expect it to just happen. I can't expect anything other like alcohol to help me because it'll just make me feel worse. It might make me feel different for half an hour. So I just have to be prepared to expect I have a problem and please help. 

Me: Simon, this was such a big thrill for me you being here on the Phile. I hope this was fun and I hope you will come back again soon. Thank you. 

Simon: My pleasure, thank you.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Simon Pegg for a great interview. I didn't get to ask him half the questions I wanted to ask him. Next time. The Phile will be back tomorrow from Walt Disney World with director Brad Bird. Spread the word, not the turd... or virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss your brain. 

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon