Pheaturing Katy Perry

 

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Friday. How are you? I’m not sure if this is something that I’ve just started to recently notice, or if COVID-19 and the pandemic is causing people to do more things with feces of any kind for that matter, but what’s with all the poop lately? Suddenly, police officers have to worry about poop complaints, and again, I’m not sure if that’s something they’re used to or if it’s still weird for them to have to answer to those kinds of calls. In Hampden, Maine, the Hampden Police Department is looking for a woman who clearly feels incredibly strongly about her political stance. Witnesses reported that she was wearing denim shorts, a purple top, and purple Crocs while riding a purple bike. So yes, we get that her favorite color may be purple. According to police officers, she was seen putting dog poop in the mailboxes of people who have Trump signs on their front lawn. Alyshia Canwell, a patrol officer with Hampden Public Safety said, “She has been picking up dog feces and putting it in mailboxes, specifically of people who have Trump signs outside and she has been also defacing Trump signs, writing comments on the signs.” Well that’s certainly one way to express how you feel about President Donald Trump and his fellow Trump supporters. As hilarious as it is to think that someone is actually putting dog poo in letterboxes of Donald Trump supporters, or any mailboxes in general, Canwell continued to explain that “defacing political advertising and vandalism is a crime and putting feces in mailboxes is not legal either.” And according to WGME, the Hampden Police Department is still asking for more tips and information if anyone sees anything. As police search for the mysterious purple poop lady, who obviously feels some type of way about President Trump, hence being the woman dropping dog poop in Trump supporters’ mailboxes, I can’t help but wonder if there’s some federal law that specifies what to do and what not to do with feces. I wish that it I could be behind how people display how they feel about their political views, but I do understand why it has to be regulated sometimes.  

In some of society’s finer moments, we have to appreciate how the modern world has truly seized its opportunities to accentuate unnecessary situations in the name of prime entertainment. The Internet has bridged the gap for the normal man and celebrities, making fame fair game for anyone who works hard enough to market their own self-value. And with all the heinous things you could witness online, poop definitely hits the top of the list. A specific YouTube star, under his YouTube channel "Lifes Mavrek," filmed a recent video that makes you question why people even bother while also remembering to be grateful for the reminder that there is just always something worst than what you could possibly imagine. It’s an interesting experience to have while surfing the web. The man in question, Armando, decided he would livestream himself leaving a log on the driveway of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. And what did he call it? “LIVE: IRL Poopalosi” To save yourself from watching the unnecessarily long first hour so that you can get to the good (gross?) part, you would have had to fast forward the video to the 1:16:00 mark. The first hour is just Armando walking along the streets of San Francisco, California, looking for her house, shouting loud complaints that would stir up all sides of the general public. And then, as the YouTuber livestreams himself going number two in what is supposedly Nancy Pelosi’s driveway, Armando claims that, “That was for President Trump.” After the “poopcident,” Armando explained in a subsequent livestream called, “I’m Gonna Need a Lawyer,” that the Bay Area Rapid Transit Police detained him, “at the behest of the Capitol Police department” who’s in charge of, “protecting members of Congress,” according to the New York Post. He added, “They asked me about Kamala Harris, and about how I joked on the stream that if she lived in San Francisco, I’d shit on her house too.” Well, suddenly in a recent turn of events, this ol’ YouTuber took a defensive approach, contrary to how abrasive he was in his initial livestream. He used all the excuses he could emphasizing how he meant no ill will, and that defecating the San Francisco residence was an act of “peaceful protest.” I mean, I guess he’s kind of right. He also apologized publicly in a now deleted tweet on social media, saying, “@SpeakerPelosi I know you may not ever see this but I want you to know, I meant no foul harm yesterday when I did what I did. I’m not proud of it at all and I just would like for you to know that. I have no ill will against you or anyone in an elected officials position,” as reported by the NY Post. The funniest thing about this guy not being able to fully own the fact that he purposely chose Pelosi’s home to drop his excrements, is that he used his own personal life story as yet, another excuse for the pooping. You see, the YouTuber started his channel when he became homeless six years ago, aiming to share how life is living on the streets while traveling city to city. With COVID-19 in play, businesses have shut down or closed off their bathrooms, to which Armando explained how he saw an opportunity here. He told the NY Post, “I’d been hunting for a toilet all week, and the joke came up in the comments on one of my streams that ‘Hey, you should take a crap at Pelosi’s house.'” Talk about killing two birds with one stone, I guess? I guess Armando’s peaceful protest did demonstrate everything the YouTuber wanted to express regarding current times. Not only did he, in his own unique way (you have to give him a little credit!), clearly express his opinions on President Donald Trump and Black Lives Matter, but also got to really show what the coronavirus has done to the homeless. This guy really irritated me in this video. I get protesting in the name of no justice being served, but his comments at the beginning of the video really got underneath my skin. However, again, I know to give credit where its due, and he’s still getting the fame and attention he wants, whether it be good or bad.

Authorities are searching for two missing boys from South Carolina who were taken from their bedroom at their home last night on Deerwood Court. According to the Aiken Department of Public Safety, the boys, Matthew Kinman and Jerry Kinman seem to be in danger. Nine-year-old Matthew is 4-feet tall and weighs 91 pounds, has blonde hair and blue eyes. Seven-year-old Jerry is also 4-feet tall, weighing 55 lb has brown hair and brown eyes. Here's what they look like...

Authorities around Aiken County are also looking for Nancy Christina Kinman, who is wanted for questioning regarding the boy’s disappearance and are asking for the public’s help. Kinman, who is the mom of the two boys, is said to be five foot two, weighing 185 lb, and has green eyes and blonde hair. She was last known to drive a 2005 maroon Toyota Camry with South Carolina license plate SIY391. The boy’s last known address is 53 Deerwood Court Aiken, SC. If you have any information about the whereabouts of the missing juveniles, you are asked to call the Aiken Department of Public Safety Act 803-642-7620. Information can also be provided anonymously via Midlands Crime Stoppers at 888-274-6372. 

The CEO of a California environmental consulting firm was caught on surveillance video abusing his 4-month-old puppy, Bici. According to authorities, the man is identified as CEO Jeffrey Previte, and the incident took place on August 22nd at the Seychelle Condominiums building in Santa Monica. In the video, the CEO can be seen yanking the puppy off the ground by its neck and then slapping him. A concierge filed a report with the building management (compliance management) after he heard the dog screaming. The security camera video begins with the man finding something on the ground near the dog, and then angrily picking up the dog by the right side of his head with his left fist. He then begins slapping him while shaking it around. As he opens the door, he yanks the animal some more as the door closes behind them. A minute later the man emerged behind the door carrying the poor dog with his right hand clenched around his throat as the dog cries. He then repositions his hand to carry the dog by the collar and slapping the dog, before setting it down and carrying it off-camera. Previte stated that he did nothing wrong, claiming that after the concierge called him telling him about what he did, he had allegedly tried to ask for money from him in return of not reporting the incident to animal control. The Los Angeles man stated, “There’s nothing illegal about what I did. The building manager took it very seriously. I find it very unfortunate that we are even talking about this.” Despite the Los Angeles CEO’s comments the company that he works for, EBI Consulting has already pulled his profile from its leadership page, and the Santa Monica Police Department took swift action the next day, stating that the case is under investigation. Through a tweet, the department also noted the Animal Services Unit is now investigating the incident for a possible violation of penal code 597(a). Penal Code 597(a) is an animal abuse law citing anyone who maliciously and intentionally means, tortures, manipulates, or hurts any living animal. Other subsections of the law mentioned include inflicting needless suffering, unnecessary cruelty, and any kind of abuse against an animal. The information was also submitted to the district attorney for consideration of a charge of malicious Mischief against an animal/animal cruelty. Previte’s brother, Nolan, who is co-CEO of EBI Consulting defended his brother’s action in the shocking video, stating that his actions were done in order to discipline the four-month-old-dog for peeing on the rug. The joint CEO insisted that his brother is very kind-hearted and deeply cares for the dog he was caught on video physically beating. After claiming to be a victim of extortion, Previte issued an apology letter to his colleagues and Friends. The letter read, “I want everyone to know that I truly regret my actions on August 22nd, 2020. Words can’t fully describe how sorry I am for what happened. I lost my temper and took unreasonable and unjustifiable action in attempting to discipline my dog Bici. As I have said, words are not enough here. Bici is no longer living with me and is with another loving family. I have also stepped away from my job and am enrolling in anger management training.” EBI Consulting Deactivated their social media pages, and have removed any mention of Jeff Previte from its website. Despite apologizing and efficiently surrendering the four-month-old-puppy to a more loving and deserving home, the dog beater could still face criminal charges.

Going as a Hooters girl for Halloween is overdone at this point. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great costume, but we’ve seen it so many times. Thankfully, a Halloween costume company put their spin on the Hooters costume. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the “Droopers” costume. 

The Droopers costume is the male parody of the Hooters costume. Instead of perky boobs and bubble butts, this Halloween costume shows off no ass whatsoever and droopy boobs. This adult men’s costume is only $22, and it’s also Amazon Prime eligible. It comes with a t-shirt attached with droopy bosoms and orange shorts. You’ll have to buy the wig on your own. This sexy costume will be a top contender for first place at any Halloween costume party. Forum Novelties has the perfect costume accessory store to complete this look. Walk in the Halloween party with this funny costume, and everyone will start cackling. While everyone is in their boring Disney Toy Story, Star Wars, and superhero costumes, you’ll be in the costume that’s turning heads. Sorry Batman, this costume is much cooler. Customers love it! An Amazon customer gave it a five-star review and said, “Cutest costume ever. My boyfriend was the life of the party!” If you’re a former Hooters employee, I dare you to wear this for Halloween. It’ll be a good reminder that there’s a reason why you couldn’t work there forever. For men and women’s costumes, visit Amazon.

It's pumpkin spice season already and some products are going a little bit too far with it. 

Now that Tom Brady is playing for the Bucs there's a new Bucs logo that just came out...

Told ya. Last week I had Lee Meriwether on the Phile who played Catwoman in the 1966 Batman movie. I forgot to mention I was on that show once. Here's proof...

Hahaha. I was the special guest villain. I had Batgirl in my clutches. By the way, just for the hell of it here's a random pic of Yvonne Craig who played Batgirl...

I love that pic! Did you know there's a new Barbie that just came out? I have a pic of it here...

Have you been to a gender reveal party? On a recent episode of "My Little Pony" they had one. Here's a screen shot...

Hahahaha. In many places, masks are mandatory, so you as well make it your own. There's a mask for every fashion and fandom, and there can also be a mask for every face. People order custom-made masks with photos of their face on them to try and achieve a realistic look. Try being the most important word.

Here's another creative way telling people to wear face masks...

If I had a TARDIS I would go swimming at Picture at Peony Park pool in Omaha, Nebraska on the second day blacks were allowed in on July 28th, 1963. 

So, did you know some birds have arms instead of wings? No? I'll prove it to you.

Told. You. Hahahahaha. A woman who got someone fired for questioning her make-up choices is feeling guilty about it and emailed the Phile asking whether she did the right thing. The woman ended up in the same Zoom class as the worker, and the worker sent her a message sarcastically thanking her for the firing. Now she's wondering if the exchange went too far. The woman specifies that she has Gabonese ancestry...

"This happened in December, but I bring it up now because said girl is in one of Zoom classes and it reminded me of the entire situation because it’s hella awkward. So for winter break I was going to Gabon with my mother for my aunts wedding. My mother is only half Gabonese making me a quarter. People don't realize she's biracial: I’m pretty pale and most people don’t know I’m a quarter black until I say anything. I was at Sephora and I needed to get color matched for my winter shade in a new foundation, and also I needed a darker foundation because Gabon is hot and I was going to be there for a month and needed a darker shade. I tan very dark. The girl was kind enough as she helped match me shade to the foundation I wanted. I told her I wanted a sample of a darker color (I didn’t need much and I was only going to wear make-up once to the wedding) and she gave me an odd look. She asked what I needed such a dark color for and I told her for when I tan. I guess she assumed I meant spray tan because she said that it’s 'problematic (LOL sorry I never heard anyone use that term in real life) for me as a 'white' girl to wear such a dark shade. It was very dark but is that her concern? That’s the shade I tan to. She said black fishing isn’t cute and said something rude (I’m assuming by tone) to me in Spanish (she’s Hispanic). I was genuinely shocked. My white side jumped out and I asked to speak to the manager to a co-worker at the register. She called the manager on the intercom and she came over. I explained the situation to the manager and said I felt harassed and told her the story. The worker tried to explain and I snapped at her and said that for her information I’m part African and am going there so I need a darker shade than I naturally am. I really had to explain that. She ended up apologizing but I told her to kick rocks. Her manager said that this isn’t okay and said she would be dealing with the employee. I was so pissed I left without buying anything. Anyways she privately messaged me on Zoom saying 'Thnx for getting me fired that day BTW. I don’t qualify for unemployment and I have a baby.' I didn’t mean for her to lose her job and I feel bad that I have to see her face on a regular basis. So, am in the wrong?" No, it's not your fault. The employee got herself fired. You did not ask the manager to fire the employee, but just to hear out your complaint. Private messaging you on Zoom is not okay. By the way, it is rare that an employee gets fired for one incident, if they aren't already underperforming. She's in sales, her job is to sell you stuff not judge you for it. Clearly she doesn't know how to do her job very well and deserved to be fired. She probably should've minded her own business: people like that try to insert themselves far too often in other people’s business in the name of being an “ally” or “social justice” You never know who it is to speaking to and in this case the girl inserted herself into a customers business and came out wrong. There were more appropriate ways to handle it if the worker really thought there was a problem. She could have handled that in a better way “I feel that this brand runs really dark, maybe something like this would be more complimentary?” “I think a shade a bit lighter up really compliments your skin tone.” Either of those would have opened the conversation and allowed you to bring up that you tan deeply because of your ethnicity. Still none of her business, but a safer transition than jumping in such a cancel culture way. So there you have it. It's not the salesperson's place to make assumptions like this. Hope you had fun at the wedding! 

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, here's another story from this crazy ass state...

Florida: not even once. America’s wang is at it again with terrifying wildlife that shouldn’t exist. This time a giant Asian water monitor lizard is running around some innocent person’s backyard in Davie, Florida. It’s six feet long and, according to experts, will definitely bite you if it feels like it, which is especially problematic because it’s the size of a large adult human and this particular homeowner has kids. The lizard has evaded capture for multiple days. Even professional trappers have had no luck wrangling the thing. When people aren’t trying to capture it, however, the lizard appears to enjoy walking right up to the family’s sliding glass door, almost definitely because of the delicious smelling children behind them, because Florida. The Asian water monitor is an invasive species to the state. Like most of the gross, stupid wildlife in Florida, they were once pets that were set free into the swampy wilderness during meth house raids and common law divorces that involved throwing the items of one’s partner out the window of the couple’s shared and potentially mobile domicile. The lizard has yet to be caught but at this point it might just be cheaper and easier for the homeowners... Maria and Zach Lieberman... to take the thing down themselves. There’s no reason to capture it. It’s invasive. It’s almost certain at least one of their neighbors have a weird cache of weapons they could borrow to off this thing. Katanas, 3D printed assault rifles, a knockoff Elon Musk flamethrower, some sort of crossbow but it shoots kitchen knives. Whatever. This is Florida! Somebody’s got something. And why shouldn’t they be armed like lunatics? Look at the type of shit we deal with down here. Monster pythons are killing everything. How long before exotic pet owning Florida morons start releasing chimpanzees they can no longer care for... and have also given a taste for meat because they only fed them hamburgers and gas station chicharrones... into the wild? That is a believable Florida outcome and you know it. That’s how the real Planet of the Apes is going to start. Monkeys owned as exotic pets in Florida being released into the wild by their aging owners and conquering the state. This freakin’ state.

Art is how we decorate space; music is how we decorate time.

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With the November 3rd Presidential Election rapidly approaching, Donald Trump is making his way across the country in efforts of securing another four years in office. One of those stops included a campaign rally in Henderson, Nevada Sunday night, the same night as the NFL’s opening Sunday. Despite Trump’s his stance on pleading for colleges to bring back football a short time ago, he has seemed to flip flop his tune. With some NFL players and teams opting to demonstrate during the National Anthem on opening weekend earlier that Sunday, Trump declared football “boring as hell” while on stage to the applause of the crowd. Trump of course has a long history with the NFL, with a war against the league stemming from when Trump launched a bid to purchase the Buffalo Bills in 2014 but failed. Perhaps the President’s stance on helping American business don’t apply when talking about the NFL, a league full of some of the largest American business who provide jobs for millions across the country. 

The 136th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Stephenie will be on the Phile in a few weeks. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, New York shall we?

Holy shit! Look at those clouds! Damn! 

Next week there's gonna be two entries from Walt Disney World with Disney themed entries. Are you excited? Okay, wanna laugh?

Two sperms were swimming along when one says to the other, "Man I'm getting tired, how far is it to the uterus anyway?" The other sperm laughs and says "Uterus?! We aren't even through the esophagus yet." 

This is fantastic! Today's guest is an American singer, songwriter, and television judge. Her latest album "Smile" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Katy Perry!

Me: Hey, Katy, welcome to the Phile! How are you? 

Katy: Peaceful. Thank you. 

Me: Congrats on the baby, Katy. 

Katy: Thank you. 

Me: The baby is named Daisy Day, and you have a song called "Daisies." What is the song about? 

Katy: It's about keeping my dreams on track. I have a certain way of going and I'm going to keep it going no matter what people say. I was thinking about the pandemic and how it's affecting dreams right now. People had plans, people had a course and that it sort of stopped. 

Me: So, how has the pandemic affected you? Does the song meaning mean something different now? 

Katy: It definitely brought great pause to everyone and in some ways I've been saying the worst demons showed up at my front door and knocked on the door and said, "Hey, do you want to hold hands for three months? Why don't you face me? You can't run from me now, you have nowhere to go. You have absolutely nowhere to go so let's have a chat." And it was an opportunity obviously it's been incredibly overwhelming and intense and a nightmare for some. It's been so many different levels of emotions, right? But everything is a yin and yang, everything is duality in life and we CAN some positive in horrible, horrible situations if we choose to, that's not just anyone like as an insane optimist, it's like there is a choice that's the free will here, but "Daisies" for me, initially it was just kind of the commentary about when I wrote it it was about the commentary on how people really like, they think I'm crazy, they think I'm out of my mind, they laugh at me or the size of my dreams. Or they say, "I'm not sure you can do that. You're a woman. You come from a different socio-economic background or what have you so of course you'll never be able to be that. You have to blah blah blah." But what it did in the pandemic is that it gave pause and I feel that a lot of people were like they really put a lot of dreams on the shelf, and we could easily access them whenever we wanted to and we can't now so by golly, when I get out of this thing I'm going to go for it. It'a almost like I'm in training now, I'm in dream training. And finally when I get back on the track I'm not gonna take things for granted. 

Me: So, the song is about being told you can't do things, right? 

Katy: Yes, and proving that I can. 

Me: Hmmm, do you write all your songs the same way? 

Katy: Oh, my God, yeah. I mean all my songs are cousins and the truth of the matter is when I'm writing those songs I'm in the worst place in my life. 

Me: Really? How so? 

Katy: I'm like celebrating and by celebrating I write a song. Its like something comes over me and kind of writes the song. My soul is like the ghostwriter. It says, "All right, I'm going to take over because obviously you can't function anymore, you're too depressed or you're too in your head or blah blah blah, and I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna try and reinstall it with a little nuggets of hope though a message, through a song." So, yeah, I turned to music as my solace and to speak my language of my heart and my soul especially when I'm in those dark times. But I'm happy to be synonymous with messages of hope and I think I write these songs that are hopeful because I first and foremost need the hope. 

Me: Was there a moment where you realized hope had a place in your heart? 

Katy: Yeah, I think hope has always been an option for me to think about I think because of my relationship with God and with something bigger than me. Like if I'm the only one controlling my destination of course it's going to be I'm going to drive it into the ground. But I hope something bigger than me created me for a purpose and created me for a reason and that I'm not disposable and that I know every person that's been created has a purpose. I like to get into it so deeply like the one of the things that conforms to for me is if err weren't all so individual or unique or truly somewhat special why the hell do we have all different fingerprints. I know that's some ancient aliens right there but seven and half billion people have a different fingerprint. All of us, like we have a lot of the same genes but we all have a different fingerprint? There's like some sacred geometry there. There's some math that is insane Newton, Einstein, and God like that is going on that is bigger than me. I'm now grateful that it's bigger than me because it seems like it has my best interest. 

Me: Did you grow up in a very religious household, Katy? 

Katy: Yeah, there were challenges in that. A lot of people in my situation would not find themselves back to God. A lot of people in my situation would not find a way or maybe find a way to resenting that. I found another path up the mountain. 

Me: What do you mean? 

Katy: God to me is not an old white dude with a beard on a throne. God is more than human, God does not have that human form. It's an energy, it's not as definable as we'd we'd like to think in our small 2%, 3% capacity brains. So it's much bigger than me. That's all I know, it's much bigger than me and I'm grateful for it. 

Me: So, why is the new record called "Smile," Katy? 

Katy: I've been outspoken about mental health recently. The new record is about finding my smile again. 

Me: What do you mean by that? 

Katy: I lost my smile, I don't know if my smile was ever fully like authentically mine. But I was riding on the high of a smile for a ling time which was the validation and love and admiration of from the outside world. And that shifted, Jason. 

Me: Why was that? 

Katy: Because like my career was on this trajectory where its always going up, up and up and I had the smallest shift. It wasn't like that huge, maybe from an outside perspective but for me it was seismic. And it was like they say if a ship is one degree off from their navigation they'll land like on a different continent sometimes. 

Me: So something moved just slightly? 

Katy: More than slightly but they moved and it was the first time to feel that and I had built so much on, I had given so much out and it literally kind of broke me in half. I think I had broken up with my boyfriend who's known my mommy daddy and then I was excited about flying high off the next record and the record didn't get me high anymore. It didn''t make me excited, the validation didn't get me high. So like I just crashed, It was good crash, it was like a necessary brokenness. Like it was soooo important to me to be broken so I could find my wholeness in a whole different way. And be more dimensional than just living my life like a thirsty pop star all the time. 

Me: "Teenage Dream" came out ten years ago, Katy. Are you the same person now as when that record came out? 

Katy: Yeah, I mean that person was more a little head in the clouds and Fantasyland escapism central. Like permanently at Disneyland. That still exists with me, like I have such an imagination. Like I love creating worlds and I do love creating moments of escape and fun and memories and there's a groundedness now that is there that was not there then. That was like an ignorance is bliss time. It really as, the Internet had just started to happen, social media wasn't in full fledge and we weren't in the middle of a pandemic or a revolution so it was there was this beautiful ignorance of bliss. We need people that still live in that state I'm like oh, gosh, how lucky are they, but I would rather feel all of these feelings than just be lost and ignorance is bliss. I think there's deeper feelings when we survive something or when we live and learn and it's not just all a fantasy lifestyle. 

Me: Gratitude is very important to you I take it, am I right? 

Katy: Gratitude is probably the thing that saved my life. If I didn't find that I would have wallowed in my sadness and probably would have just jumped. I found the ways to be grateful and every morning I wake up it's the first thing I say out loud, before I check my phone. Because that's the second thing we all do, right? I just wake up and I say, "Thank you, God, for today. I am grateful in every way. Who I'm in a really, really shitty mood which I can swing I just walk around and I'm grateful even though I'm in a fucking mood I am GRATEFUL! That's been my light at the end of the tunnel. 

Me: Katy, I have a big crush on you and I loved this interview. Please come back again. Take care. 

Katy: Thanks, Jason, you've been a delight and I'll speak to you any time.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Katy for a cool interview. The Phile will be back on Monday with actor Simon Pegg. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss your brain.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon