Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile. How are you doing? The time has come folks, the circle of life has officially proliferated once more, and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, have just welcomed their firstborn baby boy into the world. Yesterday morning, they posted an announcement on Instagram sharing the birth news of their healthy son. At the time of writing this, they have yet to share pictures or reveal a name. While the naming details remain underwraps, an adorable interview with Prince Harry has already made the rounds, in which he makes it abundantly clear he's overjoyed to be a father. Prince Harry's unabashed love and excitement for his new son, and the way he recognizes how much work it is for Meghan Markle (and any woman) to give birth hit people straight in the feelings. When it comes to gushing, Prince Harry is hardly alone, the Internet has been practically bursting with responses to the birth of the royal baby. Some people are overjoyed at the prospect of another tiny royal, while others feel exhausted by the celebrity culture surrounding the royal family, still, others can't get "Game of Thrones" out of their head. Given the amount of excitement over the Instagram announcement it seems safe to assume the Internet will explode even more when they post their son's name, and naturally, his very first photo will be meme material for many.
Man, I feel sorry for Prince Andrew, because he just got bumped again in the line of succession. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle had a baby boy and this is thrilling news for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and British people who want something to talk about other than Brexit. It's also fun for Prince William, because royal watchers now have something to talk about other than his alleged infidelity scandal. The Duke of Sussex was giddy and smiley as he told the world "It’s been the most amazing experience I could ever imagine," and paid tribute to the awesomeness of women, saying, "how any woman does what they do is beyond comprehension." He then turned around and thanked THE HORSES, who provided an adorable country backdrop on the grounds of Windsor Castle. The baby is seventh in the line of succession for the British throne, bumping Queen Elizabeth II's Prince Andrew down to eighth. Prince Andrew is most famous for marrying and divorcing Fergie, the Duchess of York, and for being the father of Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie from that other Royal Wedding.
Yesterday was a mixed bag for tall ginger men with beards. While Prince Harry is celebrating the birth of his first child, Tormund Giantsbane is mourning the fact that Brienne of Tarth chose to be with Jaime Lannister. I read that on-line, I don't watch the show. Meanwhile, in America, a recent documentary featured Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's historic run for Congress, and a shot of her partner had many viewers in shock. Writer Marie Le Conte tweeted-and-deleted that Riley Roberts looked like a "bin raccoon" to whom AOC is "shackled," and it quickly became a meme.
Roberts doesn't deserve to become a meme when ther are so many actual bin raccoons to make fun of. Just because you're jealous of a guy doesn't mean he's a garbage fiend.
I scream, you scream, we all scream because a guy is trying to rob the ice cream store! Twice! KRDO reports that a robber approached a Dairy Queen, "The robber left the business with cash and tried to carjack a woman in the drive-thru, but he ended up running away on foot." After the getaway, he returned to the scene of the crime to try and score a car. This time, he attempted to steal an employee's vehicle, and once he ran away, the cops tracked him down with a perimeter and night vision goggles. Levi John Roberts, 37, of Pueblo, Colorado has been charged with robbery, attempted robbery and felony menacing. He would have gotten away with it too if he didn't get cocky.
The former Lefou to President Trump's Gaston reported to federal prison in Otisville, New York yesterday. He was convicted of tax crimes and campaign finance violations that helped elect Trump, a sentence given to the entire world. The Human Frowny-Face Emoji hosted a press conference in front of his Manhattan apartment as his last stop before jail. He said some words about how xenophobia is bad in his latest plea to be rebranded as a #Resistance hero. Cohen's new home is like the celebrity center of prisons, as he joins Jersey Shore's "The Situation" and the Fyre Festival's Billy McFarland in lockup.
Alright, so, a lot of people have asked me over time what is the succession to the throne with the Royals. Well, this little chart thing should help you...
If I had a TARDIS I would like to go and take my son to Gettysburg right after the Civil War ended and see a bunch of people shake hands.
I would go to the Gettysburg Reunion, years after the infamous Gettysburg address speech and battle, where the veterans of the Unions and of the Confederates are seen shaking hands with each other. There were over 50,000 veterans, making it the largest American convention for veterans in U.S. history. If this can happen, then there’s hope for peace in the Middle East! Okay... et’s not go overboard. So, I don't know a lot about manscaping but some guy had the same idea I had...
Nah. Maybe not. Ever go to a museum and see yourself in a painting? This old man did...
I was looking at the pics of this years Met Gala and I saw this one...
It reminded me of something, and then it hit me...
Looks the same, right? This just in... Prince Phillip arrived to see the new baby...
Haha. Wanna laugh?
This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a biker gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" "Er... about two minutes ago."
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, ever been to a McDonald's restaurant recently and seen those screens where you could order food? They look like this...
Well, a friend of the Phile has something to say about it. Maybe the people from McDonald's read the Phile. Anyway, he's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Good morning, humans. Dear McDonald’s, I fully understand how being forced to finally pay your employees a decent living wage (after all these years of paying them like crap) places you at a competitive disadvantage. But your newly unveiled self serve ordering kiosks are nothing short of ridiculous... for two reasons. 1.) Most patrons of your establishment with anything above that of a fifth grade education, can see that this is little than an attempt at doing away with several employees from each location (who are finally being paid properly for their services). 2.) Most patrons entering your establishment for what they consider “fast food” certainly do not wish to spend time pushing buttons on a computer screen just to purchase a quick meal. Especially if their forty hour a week job requires them to sit in front of a computer screen for a majority of their day. What your customers want is service... good, old fashioned customer service... and a quick meal. Not for your company’s bottom line profits to be protected against all those pesky employees, having the nerve to demand a wage that enables them to pay their bills and eat something other than Ramen noodles to survive. #WereNotThatNaive.
Remember when being alone was a thing? She doesn’t.
The 98th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Justine will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks.
And now for some...
Phact 1. A man named Martin Strel swam the 3273-mile length of the Amazon in a record breaking 66 days.
Phact 2. There’s a small sculpture on the moon named “Fallen Astronaut” made by Belgian artist Paul Van Hoeydonck and placed by the crew of Apollo 15 in 1971. It is the only sculpture on the moon, yet it remains relatively unknown.
Phact 3. Dr. Horace Wells, the dentist who pioneered the use of laughing gas became addicted to chloroform, threw sulfuric acid over two prostitutes, was sent to prison, and committed suicide with his shaving razor.
Phact 4. Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder.
Phact 5. Around 200 Anti-Lynching Bills were introduced from 1882 to 1968. The Senate would not pass them. In 2005, the Senate formally apologized for stopping these bills.
Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum and an American guitarist, singer-songwriter, record producer, and actor, best known for writing and performing the theme song to the 1984 movie Ghostbusters. Please welcome back to the Phile... Ray Parker Jr.
Me: Hey, Ray, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?
Ray: Hey, I'm doing great. Can't complain.
Me: Last time you were here I got a lot of positive feedbacks, but a few people asked why I didn't ask you about the movie Enemy Territory. I never heard of the movie but I looked up and saw you were in the film. I didn't even know you acted, Ray. Did you wanna pursue acting?
Ray: Haha. I was on set six times and I did a few movies. The problem with acting unlike music, with music I control, the whole thing. I write the songs and do everything. The problem with acting is they woke me at three o'clock in the morning, they put me in make-up at four and they don't use me until one o'clock in the afternoon. Every hour and a half they keep changing the make-up so I get tired, trying to remember my parts and had everything under control but I had no sleep because I got up early. Sometimes they didn't get to my part the whole day. It's very time consuming and they were a couple of things where I couldn't wait to kiss the pretty girl. But sometimes I didn't get to choose who they paid me up with. They paired me up with one girl on a TV show who had so much lipstick on when she kissed me lipstick got all over me. They said they had to retake that, so they sent me to make-up, got the lipstick off my face and started all over again. She just gobbed more lipstick on. These people earned their money acting, it's harder than you'd think.
Me: Doesn't sound to hard to me. Haha. Okay, before you played the guitar you played the clarinet, is that true?
Ray: Yeah, I started off on the clarinet, it was in first grade and I was 6-years-old. I played a little bit of saxophone later.
Me: When did you start playing guitar then?
Ray: At age 10 my brother had a little acoustic, what we called a box guitar. I liked his box guitar better than I liked my $700 saxophone so I traded with him. My dad was pretty upset. I traded my expensive saxophone for his cheap guitar and I've been playing guitar ever since.
Me: When you picked it up did it feel natural to you?
Ray: Yeah, it was like being with a wife. The clarinet was just another girl, when I picked up the guitar it was like meeting my wife. That was it, we were married, right then and there.
Me: Did you practice a lot, Ray?
Ray: I practiced every day. I had 10,000 hours by age 11.
Me: Did you have any goals to be a musician when you were a kid?
Ray: I just wanted to be good. I didn't know anything about writing songs and making records.
Me: How did you first start to play professionally?
Ray: I used to play on my father's porch because he didn't want me to play in the house. One guy wanted to pay me 20 dollars to play the stuff I was playing on my father's porch in his back yard. That was my real first gig to play for money. As things progressed I started to play with a band, and I ended up going on tour with the Spinners when I was 14. They had to ask my mother because they took me out Friday night and brought me back Monday morning before school. From there Hamilton Bohannon heard me and put me in the Motown band which was the house band at a place called 20 Grand. We backed Gladys Knight and the Pips, the Temptations, George Clinton, and a bunch of other acts. We really had a good time.
Me: What did your parents think about you touring at such a young age? They must've been proud.
Ray: My dad was, he'd say "look at my son, he's not getting into drugs, not getting into trouble. We don't have to spend money on a lawyer, guitar is cheaper, let's get him a guitar."
Me: What was it like gigging at such a young age? How did you adapt to that?
Ray: First of all there was no adapting. Remember I've been playing since I was 6-years-old so my whole world was music anyway. I didn't know anything else. I never went to a high school party or a dance with girls or anything, I was always playing that if I was there. I sort of missed my childhood but I wouldn't change it for the world because everything I did was so much fun and I was having a good time. I gave up one sort of lifestyle but I think the one I chose was wonderful.
Me: You worked with Marvin Gayle, which is cool. What is your favorite story about working with him?
Ray: Marvin was wonderful. We'd go to the studios and cut the songs then we'd go to his house and sit in the living room and listen to it. There's one special moment with Marvin Gaye, he was in the studio and everybody back then like to smoke and I was under age and I think he felt bad because everybody was partaking and I wasn't. So he threw me the keys to his $50,000 Cadillac and I just drove that thing for a couple of hours and then I came back. That was the most fun I ever had.
Me: Nice. When did you start writing sons yourself?
Ray: First of all I started writing songs when I was about 16 when I wrote songs with Marvin Gaye but I really figured out how to write songs myself at 18. I had the best teacher in the world... Stevie Wonder took me into the studio personally, paid for the studio time, took my demo tapes and showed me how to turn those into real records. I'm gonna credit him with that and I feel like I graduated from "Wonder University." Six months later I was writing number one records.
Me: What was it like hearing your songs on the radio for the first time?
Ray: First of all it was hard not to wet my pants. Hearing my song on the radio was the most exciting thing I could ever imagine. I remember the first time when I just heard my guitar on the radio and I thought that was exciting. When I heard my own song, and my own creation that I put together on the radio that'a the highest high I could get.
Me: When did you decide to form your own band?
Ray: At 22 I decided the only way to get this thing to really work is I gotta stop sitting at the telephone waiting for it to ring. I was doing enormously well doing sessions and touring and all this stuff but I could never take a vacation because I was afraid I'd miss a phone call to do some work and make some money. I was basically like a slave tied to my telephone hoping that it would ring. I always wanted to be the guy to make my own phone calls so that prompted me flipping things around.
Me: So, when you had the band Raydio how was it? You were the front man, right?
Ray: Well, I was gonna split the band with everybody. When I was a kid I thought I'd form a band and split it all but the interesting thing is my band didn't want to split it, they wanted cash money up front. They just wanted a salary, they didn't want to take a risk, be signed up, something go wrong and we'd be tied up with these guys for years. They wanted cash money so I had to borrow money from the record company to pay my band a lot of money. When the record hit they were getting upset because they weren't getting any royalties. I told the guys when you go to Vegas you have to put the quarter in the slot machine before it hits the 7's, not after.
Me: Suckers! Ha! So, why did Raydio break up?
Ray: The thing was Clive Davis just wanted me to be Ray Parker Jr. I invented the band Raydio so I didn't have to sing all the songs because at that time I didn't think I could sing that well. When we did the record there was a lot egos, everybody thought they were the star of the band. When people left the band Clive Davis said, "Okay, it's gonna be Ray Parker Jr. Raydio" which always sounded very 60s to me. When more people left the band he wanted to just put the record out under my name.
Me: Last time you were here we talked a little about Ghostbusters real briefly. I have to ask you how you got that job, writing that song.
Ray: I did all the Barry White records and the publisher on those records was the vice-president of Columbia Pictures. He called me up and asked me if I'd write a song for the movie because he thought I was the right guy. I didn't think he was right, but he was right. It had happened just like he had envisioned it. They spent a year or so trying to find somebody to write a song and the director wanted the word "ghostbusters" in the song and nobody had anything with the word "ghostbusters" in it so they gave it to me. It's quite hard to do actually. I came up with the thing, the director liked it and we were off and running then. In the beginning it was only supposed to be 20 seconds of music in the library scene. Then when the director, Ivan Reitman heard it he said make this thing about 4 minutes long and we'll have a hit record.
Me: How did you come up with that chorus?
Ray: Well, there's a spot in the movie where they're standing there and they have the number underneath them and they had their backpacks on. If you're watching TV at three o'clock in the morning they look like the drain cleaners or insect repellent guys, When you see the drain cleaners on TV they say "you're you gonna call?" So, I just thought the Ghostbusters have a number so who're you gonna call. I recorded like a commercial.
Me: Did you think that song would be so popular?
Ray: No way. I remember going to the Chinese Theater with a buddy of mine to see Indiana Jones or something and we sat in the car and I played him what I was doing. We both looked at each other and we thought it sounded pretty good and he said I did a nice job, but none of us thought it'll be a game changer. I didn't think it'll be a hit record singing about ghosts but it sounded good.
Me: When it went to number one what did you think?
Ray: The thing about "Ghostbusters" was the first time in my life it just flew off the shelves. When this song came out the head of promotion called me up within the first ten days and said, "That's it, the records done, I already locked out all the stations." He's telling me there's nothing else for him to do, he's going on vacation or something. The next thing I knew six weeks later we sold about 5 million records already. I never heard anything like that.
Me: That's so cool. Okay, so, I recently had Fran Strine on here again who directed Hired Gun that you're in, and we talked about the documentary he's doing about you. What made you wanna do this movie?
Ray: First of all I didn't know I wanted to do this film. This is Fran's idea. It started quickly when I was telling him different stories and said I gotta write a book because the book is gonna be sort of like the movie Pearl Harbor where the music is interesting, everything I've gone through in my career from being a star, working with other people, and stories. The stories are actually a comedy show, the background of the comedy show is the music like Pearl Harbor, like the war was. Pearl Harbor was a love story. I told him I wanted to do something like that and the more we talked about it when we were trapped on an airplane going to Australia for 16 hours, he came up with the idea that he should be doing this movie. Of course I'm not disagreeing, anytime I could get my face on a big screen I'd like to do that.
Me: So, what are some of the stories you're gonna tell in this movie?
Ray: When I had Stevie Wonder drive, meeting Van Morrison at an Oxford manor, Marvin Gaye and me going to a concert, me beating beaten up by the Detroit police.
Me: That's crazy. Is there anyone you met that you were in awe of? You played and met so many cool people over the years.
Ray: Marvin Gaye would put together things in such a strange way, Stevie Wonder has got to be the biggest musical genius of the 20th century no doubt, so working with him doesn't get anymore musically interesting than that. Herbie Hancock was an unbelievable guy. Barry White was memorizing. He could get it together so fast, he'd get it done the same day, book the strings, horns and orchestral.
Me: Are you still playing guitar a lot, Ray?
Ray: I hate to use the word practice, I play for myself because I enjoy it. I'm playing all the time, I got a studio I built on the side of my house and my kids and I are in there all the time. My whole life is overwhelmed by music every day.
Me: When you were here last time you said your kids are doing music I think. What are they doing?
Ray: Young folks music. They're doing it separately, they're both really talented, but they're cutting that young stuff.
Me: Haha. What new music are you listening to?
Ray: Twenty-One Pilots, the Chainsmokers, there are a few I don't remember the name of but I remember seeing them. Maroon 5 makes good music. There was a period in the 90s in music where everybody was mad at each other. Shoot the police, shoot your mama, shoot everybody, it was more violent, all the women were bitches and hoes and called themselves that. I was like where are you going with this stuff? It looks like they cleaned themselves up in the 2000s I think. The music has gotten more musical and things have changed.
Me: So, are you excited about this new movie about you?
Ray: Yeah, I'm too exited about it. It's gonna be interesting, it's gonna be funny. Fran has my complete confidence, he's got it.
Me: Cool. I can't wait to see it. Ray, thanks for coming back on the Phile. Please come back again soon. All the best, sir.
Ray: Thank you, Jason.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Ray Parker Jr. The Phile will be back on Monday with Lawrence Gowan from Styx. Spread the word, not the turd, Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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