Hey, kids, good afternoon. Welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? They dared me to jump off a cliff, but it was just a bluff. Hahahaha. If you are a mom reading this, then Happy Belated Mother's Day! I hope that your children fed you breakfast in bed, showered you with presents, or at least took the time to write a note expressing how much you mean to them. No matter how you celebrated the day, it's safe to assume that you spent it better than the conservative talking head and (angry) proud virgin Ben Shapiro. Rather than use his social media platform to post a heartfelt dedication to his mother, as many others do, Shapiro spent it posting the same joke he's made six years in a row. Here it is...
This year, people both noticed and dragged his rerun, particularly since the joke is clearly written to own the libs. People were quick to pull up receipts of all the past times Shapiro has rested on that joke. There were so many satisfying angles from which to make fun of Shapiro's repeated attempt at humor. One of the common refrains was noting how few conservatives are good at online humor. While Shapiro's joke has been a mainstay for Mother's Day, he's also employed the same comedy for Father's Day. He is nothing if not a man who knows how to harness a writing device.
Though best known now as a proponent of the #MeToo movement, Alyssa Milano's activism began in the 1980s. She appeared on Phil Donahue's talk show with Ryan White, a teenage boy who'd contracted HIV through a blood transfusion. HIV was a misunderstood and highly stigmatized virus at the time, so Alyssa kissed Ryan's cheek to demonstrate that it wasn't easily transmittable. She's remained active in social and political causes, but her latest call to arms is a misfire... depending on your perspective.
Alyssa's Lysistrata-style proposal had two unintended effects. It earned the ire of liberal feminists, who found her form of protest misguided and politically regressive. And it thrilled conservatives who oppose abortion rights. That's right: a Hollywood actor's feminist activism is pleasing anti-choicers across the United States. We finally found bipartisan common ground: dunking on Alyssa Milano in her Twitter mentions.
Last Tuesday, Georgia's Republican Governer Brian Kemp signed the draconian "heartbeat bill" into law. Now, under this law, women are barred from procuring an abortion as soon as a heartbeat is detected which is in many cases as early as six week. Most women aren't able to fully detect an abortion until at least four weeks after, and that's if you're able to access a clinic that early, even if a woman were to catch it on time, many providers don't offer abortions until at least five or six weeks in. In action, this bill criminalizes abortion and places the rights of a fetus over a full-grown human woman, this places women in the danger of being jailed for terminating a pregnancy, and even the exceptions of rape and incest are only accepted if a woman files a police report. Most women who have just been traumatized AND gotten pregnant don't have the time, resources, or emotional support to go to the cops, who have been historically dismissive about seeking justice for rape victims. While the ACLU already has plans to challenge the law in court, discussion has been spilling out on Twitter, with many women fearing what this means for the future. At a quick glance, this law is primarily about abortion and reproductive rights, when you consider the larger implications, it's about so much more. In a now viral thread, the Georgia-based writer Laurel Snyder shared how women in her home state are feeling, and what this bill means about women's rights on a larger scale. She laid out how criminalizing abortion puts women in serious danger (on multiple levels) and fully legalizes the public's entitlement to women's bodies. She even took care to share that she is religious, and understands the notion of religious conviction around abortion, but this law completely goes against what Jesus would have wanted. She went on to say that she will drive women to their abortion appointments out of state, and that no law will stop women from seeking them out, which is precisely why this type of legislation is so brutal. She capped off the thread by sharing a myriad of resources people could both donate to, and seek out for themselves. Many other women weighed in on the thread with similar thoughts about the violations the law will inevitably wreak. One woman pointed out how GOP politicians routinely hand wring over fetuses while refusing to implement safer gun laws for school aged children. Sadly, under Trump, this horrific violation of rights does not feel like a surprise... there are more brewing in the White House chamber, which is all the more reason to stay loud, get involved locally, vote in every election, and possibly construct some guillotines.
Like I said, last week, the governor of Gilead Georgia signed a bill banning abortions after six weeks. That means that by the time a majority of women know that they are pregnant, it will be too late for them to make a choice about their pregnancy, thus taking away her opportunity to choose. To make things even scarier, the law also criminalizes the termination of pregnancies, and that women who get abortions will receive life in prison. A woman who miscarries could get thirty years, and a woman who travels to another state for the procedure could get ten. While many women are concerned about this dangerous, frightening development, male conservative pundits are searching for words they can twist to assert that they are experiences in all things gynecology to defend this ban. Ben Shapiro's attempt to dunk on Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez set him up to get dunked on by women with periods and vaginas. Perhaps because he was sick of women tweeting period stories about him, Shapiro decided to bring up the fact that he was a virgin until he was 24, and that makes him morally superior to everybody. Calling someone a virgin is a frequent, easy insult. Using "virgin" as a pejorative is lame, but saying that it made you morally superior is even lamer. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but there's everything wrong with trying to control women's bodies. Conservatives are quick to have "moral standards" about things like sex, but not about things like putting children in cages and using government office for personal gain. Shapiro's virgin pride just highlights the importance of people being in control of their own bodies and getting the opportunity to make the choices they need. It's his body, so it's his choice.
Well, so apparently last night's episode of "Game of Thrones" was a fire storm of chaos and apocalyptic destruction. There were sword battles, scorched neighborhoods and Dany having a meltdown worthy of a reality television show starring the Kardashian women and their dragon mother, Kris. While there are plenty of theories out there for what the finale will bring you "Game of Throne" fans, the most interesting ones involve that white horse at the very end of the episode. While everyone around Arya is dead from Dany's dragon hissy fit despite hearing the bells of surrender, Arya finds an angelic white horse and rides off to do what you can only assume is murder Daenerys so that Jon Snow can take the throne. Either that, or the white horse is a biblical symbol for death and Arya has died... I don't think the writers could do that to you, though. Since Bran can control animals as the three eyed raven, it's possible he sent the horse to save her. Some people think it means Arya is dead and the horse is some sort of vision or symbol of death. I heard someone say let's hope this isn't the case because you know she still has to slay Dany. Or, that Arya is indeed on her way to murder someone as white horses are a symbol of death. Another theory is that the horse is the child that Arya tried to save, considering the little girl had a toy horse. Guess you'll have to wait until next week!
So, instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
Maybe not. I think it's in Russian. If I had a TARDIS I would probably end up on a plane full of babies in 1975...
The U.S. government called this activity, Operation Babylift due to the mass evacuation of children from Vietnam which led them to the U.S., Australia, France and Canada. The rescued babies were flown to adoption centers in those countries. I was gonna get a tattoo but someone had the same idea I had...
Ummm... not quite. Hey, parents, are you kids in school as creative as the kid that did this?
Cute drawing. Do you guys like Hot Pockets? Did you see the new favor that just came out?
Looks yummy. Ha! That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...
Wanna laugh?
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray. "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, there's a friend of the Phile who seems to get into fights all the time. I thought I'd invite hi back to see what his latest fight was about. I bet it's something trivial. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hey, Eddie, welcome back. So, how are you?
Pork Chop Eddie: I had puke all over my back earlier. Had to go home and change into another friggin' striped sweater.
Me: Why did you have puke on your back?
Pork Chop Eddie: Some fucker grabbed me from behind in a poorly executed sleeper hold and as I flailed around I elbowed him in the stomach so hard he projectile vomited over my back.
Me: Sounds like a bittersweet victory then.
Pork Chop Eddie: If you say so. I am now gonna go out to the bar. See if I can get into another fight.
Me: I bet you will. Pork Chop Eddie, kids. Be safe.
Bernadette
The act of torching a mortgage.
Used to be awake, got toddlered. Is that a word? Hahaha. So, another friend of the Phile is a local magician who always seems to have bad luck. He hasn't been here in awhile so I wondered how he's been. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, David, how are you?
David: I'm okay, I guess.
Me: You guess? What happened?
David: Well, I announced that he'd been performing since I was a young child in 1989 and this little girl said something that got the biggest laugh.
Me: Okay. What did she say?
David: She said, "What? 1989!?! You should be dead by now!"
Me: Hahaha. That's funny. Kids say I look young for 50.
David: You do, Jason.
Me: Thanks. well, good luck in your next show. David Coppafeel, the world's worst magician, kids.
Doris Day
April 3rd, 1922 — May 13th, 2019
Day turns to night.
The 98th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Justine will be the guest on the Phile this Saturday from MegaCon.
Now for some...
Phact 1. “Her Majesty” by the Beatles is 0:23 long and is one of the first hidden tracks.
Phact 2. During the Civil Rights Movement, the Soviet Union purposely inflamed racial tensions by mailing forged threats from the KKK to black neighborhoods.
Phact 3. The Soviet Union did not admit that a reactor had exploded at Chernobyl until nearly 3 days after radiation from the disaster set off alarms at a nuclear plant in Sweden 1000 km away.
Phact 4. To help dissuade illegal poaching, Cameroon’s government burned over 2,000 tusks and 1,753 ivory objects seized for a total of 3.5 tons of ivory. The ivory was destroyed to keep it off of the black market. Over 600 firearms and 3,000 pieces of ammunition were also seized in an effort to protect elephant populations.
Phact 5. Steven Spielberg purposely did not allow Matt Damon to attend the pre-production Boot Camp for actors in Saving Private Ryan, so the remaining cast would build up genuine resentment for his character.
Today's guest has been both a solo artist and the current lead vocalist and keyboardist of the band Styx whose latest album "The Mission" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile from Styx... Lawrence Gowan.
Me: Hey, Lawrence, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Lawrence: I am good, Jason.
Me: You guys did what Foghat did a few years ago and that is a tour with Larry the Cable Guy. Back then it was a little different than your tour. How did this tour happen, Lawrence?
Lawrence: I think the first thinking behind it if there was any thinking at all. We met Larry, I'm thinking it was maybe ten years ago, roughly that in one of the most appropriate places which was a truck stop on the road. I can't remember if we were in Arkansas or Louisiana or there it was. He came up and at that time he was really hot and he came up to us and it was obvious he was a Styx lover. We got to chatting with him and he was funny as hell and the notions thought why doesn't anybody do comedy and rock together, they seem to be inclusive. We've seen a few instances of where they are paired up and it's always gone well. As far back as that we kind of thought of a notion of trying something like that, it might be interesting. So finally in 2019 we are did a run of shows with Larry.
Me: What did you think about this? Was it fun?
Lawrence: There's such a diverse way of putting shows on now. Audiences are far more open to interesting combinations of musical acts. Look, eventually I hope we tour with a Cirque du Soleil act, opening for us as well. I think unusual things are a great pairing and I just think people get so much enjoyment for a live rock concert, especially for a band like Styx. They look forward to these events and getting out from the their laptop computers for a while and enjoy the real world, and we want to do that any way we can.
Me: So, Larry has a very big Republican fan base so did you think there was any "conflict" between you guys? Does that make sense?
Lawrence: Okay, I'm a Canadian. I use that as my "out card" when it comes to discuss anything political because people I noticed, yes, in America, have very polarized views on that front. But most importantly when we go out on tour as Styx it's to entertain people. We're really trying to use music to make people, first of all engage the music flat out. Second of all rock music was the great musical statement for the last half of the 20th century. Nothing is as entertaining as a live rock concert that I ever encountered. The other thing is, when it comes to any act, are they entertaining enough and Larry is really funny. If you were at that political persuasion I suppose you could hear him championing your cause and if you were against it perhaps you could hear the irony of it, how completely opposite it is of viewing my world. So I don't think any of that, quite honestly, Jason, went into planning of it.
Me: Okay. Let's talk about your latest album, "The Mission." That album sounds like it was made by Styx in the 70s. Was that the plan?
Lawrence: Between the two records, "Cyclorama" in 2003 and "The Mission" in 2017 we played like a thousand shows around the world. In that time we learned, we observed, we reassessed and we as a band I would say roughly ten years ago as far we began to notice that younger and younger people were coming to see Styx as well as classic rock bands such as Foghat and there was this enthusiasm from that part of the audience that we never anticipated, I think we underestimated the true long range impact of what classic rock could accomplish. Well, I think over the next few years that observation began to settle into our heads. The realization was if we ever make another studio record let's try to make a true to the spirit technically in the manner records were made in the 70s, when the classic rock era was at its peak. So as the writing began to evolve the idea of it being a concept record became a central theme, a grand statement. We thought let's record it in analogue and think like an analogue band again. Which is by the way, exactly what happens when we walk on stage every night. There's just five of us and we make it happen with the personalities that are on that stage. We thought let's make a record that way, we'll have all of us in the studio together, one or two of us would get bored out of our minds with certain sections, but even those times when we are waiting for someone to do a guitar overdub or whatever, things are coming up all the time in the studio and the ideas are there. It's amazing how accustomed we came to that community, it's wonderful.
Me: So, are you performing the whole album on stage? I think you are, right?
Lawrence: We are doing the entirety of "The Mission" in Las Vegas at the Palms.
Me: So, what do the fans think about that?
Lawrence: The first response with the fan reaction of the album is for over a year now endless people are asking if we are ever going to play the record in it's entirely. For over a year it's still in the Top 100 Billboard classic rock charts. We're the only classic rock band that put out new music that survived on the chart for over a year. That tells us that this record is really finding a true audience.
Me: So, how long have you been in Styx?
Lawrence: For about twenty years now.
Me: Your solo music is so different, Lawrence, I can't explain it. What did Styx see in you that made you the right fit?
Lawrence: That's an excellent question. I've never seen Styx live until we were doing a show together in Montreal in 1997. I had for people in the United States who weren't aware of it, prior to joining Styx I had four platinum albums in Canada, three gold records, a gold single, a gold single that just recently went platinum. I have a lot pf people in Canada who are extremely familiar with my solo work prior to Styx. So it's a pretty different concentration when I'm speaking to someone in America where I came into the picture with this legendary band and speaking to people in Canada who many of whom found it odd that I would join Styx. It's funny how the conversation completely shifts. I think on the night we first played together two things happened... one was they got to see me and on that tour I was funny enough without a band, I was alone on stage with just a piano. I guess I was in front of 16 or 17 thousand people singing these songs which they were not familiar. They saw that and then I saw them play and the conversation that we had afterwards was a really fascinating conversation that I said, "First of all, I've never seen Styx live. I just loved your show, I saw the power of it." This was like I said in 1997 and of course I didn't know the members in the band but the two closest people who were with me I said, "It's funny, I could see myself fitting in with this band." That was a very odd statement. I did see it and Tommy Shaw funny enough said to me, "Man, I think we're going to work together again in the future. Because this worked out so well." His intention when he said that was based on what a good opener I was I guess for the band.
Me: How would you describe your music?
Lawrence: I heard the word "quirky" before when it comes to describe my music. And it's funny, that's how I heard Styx music described. Quirky is a strange word that it can sometimes imply oddness but sometimes it describes the unexpected. In my own music on one had you might hear me play pseudo very dramatic 80s tinged song in pop format but it includes progressive rock elements in there that somehow made it okay. Because of that in my solo days I was able to work with Jon Anderson.
Me: Didn't you work with Peter Gabriel?
Lawrence: No, I worked with Peter Gabriel's backing band.
Me: Ahhh... okay. So, when did you join Styx and how?
Lawrence: There was a deep musical background that really was moving in step with me joining Styx. I think all of those factors culminated in 1999 when they needed a piano player and singer I was the one they chose.
Me: If Styx didn't come along do you think you'll still be a solo artist?
Lawrence: Well, hard to say, I may have started working at Starbucks or still playing music. What I mean by that is I'm under qualified to do anything else. Quite honestly, Jason, the year that I joined Styx I was playing a 140 shows a year between Canada and in the U.K. There was enough of an audience I had a small following in Britain where I was able to open for the Stranglers. I had a piece of music called "Healing Waters" that was actually performed by the London Symphony Orchestra at the opening of Princess Diana's memorial in 1998, so I had enough of a following there and particularly in Canada where I'd just go back and forth across the country playing with my rock band, or sometimes solo, or a symphony orchestra.
Me: So, what was it like when you joined Styx? What did you think?
Lawrence: J.Y. and Tommy said, "Listen, we got to tell you, we're about to embark on the heaviest touring schedule we've ever done. The goal is to try and play a hundred shows a year." I started laughing and said, "This is going to be like a holiday." They said on the previous heaviest touring years they played maybe 60 to 80 shows, they've never done a 100 in a year to their recollection. This as a big deal. I could tell you when I tour across Canada with the natural weather conditions, if I could tour from one side of Canada to the other and still come out of it wanting to do more than I am pretty much prepared for anything on Earth.
Me: True. Lawrence, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again and tell the other guys they should be here on the Phile.
Lawrence: I definitely will. I promise.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Lawrence Gowan for a pretty good interview. The Phile will be back on Friday from MegaCon with voice actor Townsend Coleman. Spoon! Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let sakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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