I Didn't Come Here To Impress None Of You

Are you ready? Are you ready for the last Peverett Phile at AOL? The Phile will continue but at another blog site run by Google. So, tonight Boys II Men played at Epcot. It was more like Boys II Old Men. I didn't see them, but I heard they were good, sounding like they did on record. They sounded like four black men singing in harmony. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said Sarah Palin is not ready to be president. And he’s a Republican! He’s like their super-killer robot! He did say he was still feeling her out . . . this is Arnold we’re talking about. He needs to feel her out or she’s not getting the endorsement. The former chairman of the Fed, Alan Greenspan, said that the financial crisis is a one-in-a-century occurrence. McCain said, “He’s right — and I’ve been through three of them.” Barack Obama leads John McCain in just about every poll. But McCain’s doing pretty darn well for a guy who passed away 20 years ago. John McCain went on the offensive and said that Barack Obama will do and say anything to win the election. Obama countered that later by showing a photograph of Sarah Palin and saying, “Really? I’m the one who’ll say and do anything!?” Obama is even more popular overseas. Gallup polled citizens of 70 countries and found that foreigners supported Obama over McCain by nearly 4-1. It was an amazing poll: 30 percent supported Obama; 8 percent supported McCain; and the rest supported David Hasselhoff. On CBS News, Katie Couric asked both presidential candidates the last time they cried. Obama said the last time he cried was at his daughter’s birthday; McCain said the last time he cried was when he saw the latest poll numbers. This week in People magazine, Sarah Palin talked about her plans for her daughter’s wedding. She said it’s very difficult to find a dress that doesn’t clash with the shotgun. Ted Stevens, the 84-year-old Alaska senator, was convicted on corruption charges. Alaska’s not just famous for hockey moms, they’ve got prison grandpas as well. The Anchorage Daily News, Alaska’s largest newspaper, endorsed Barack Obama. That’s another newspaper Sarah Palin will never read. Sen. Robert Byrd was in Charleston, W.Va., at a rally for Joe Biden. He got a little confused about which office Biden is running for when he introduced him as “the next president — Joe Biden!” Somebody slipped some gin in Grandpa’s cod liver oil. Over the weekend, Manuel Uribe, the world’s fattest man, got married in Mexico. He had to be transported to the wedding on a flatbed truck. It looked like the Mexican version of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. NBA season opened the other night. The excitement is palpable. Especially in New York, where Knicks fans have been practicing their booing all month long. Not a great week for Cloris Leachman — she was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars”. It seems that America can’t wait until Election Day to vote against a senior citizen. Barack Obama hit back at the charges that he’s a socialist by joking that since he shared his toys as a child, he must be a communist. To which John McCain responded, “You had toys as child? I had to play with dinosaurs.” There is more political fallout today. Apparently, because of arguments over their political stances, “The View’s” Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar are no longer speaking. Two down, three to go. It was infomercial night in America last night. Three major television networks, CBS, NBC, and Fox, along with MSNBC, Univision, TV1, and BET, joined together to take Barack Obama’s money from him. In an effort to catch up to Obama, McCain is digging in as hard as he can. Sarah Palin too. On the heels of the success they’ve had with Joe the plumber, they’ve been bringing in other characters. Last week they had “Richard the forest.” On Monday, Sarah Palin introduced the best one yet: “Tito the builder.”

THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST

Yes, the Top Ten List will continue in the new blog, so don't worry. Anyway, from the home office in freezing Groveland, Florida... it is 55 degrees... here is this week's top ten list.
Top Ten Madonna Complaints About Guy Ritchie
10. Doesn't have the new husband smell anymore
9. He keeps asking her to join AARP so they can get discounts
8. Hates it when I call him "Guy-rod"
7. Was getting sick of Guy's fake American accent
6. Guy has had a headache for the past 18 months
5. Guy Ritchie? I thought he was Lionel Richie
4. He refused to wear a matching cone-shaped bra
3. "Guydonna" doesn't have the same ring as "Brangelina"
2. Britney Spears is a better kisser
And the number one Madonna complaint about Guy Ritchie?
1. Refused to let her "adopt" Alex Rodriguez

I WENT TO THE MOVIES

Last week I ran out of space so didn't review W., so here is the review now.
Hey, remember that ruinous president who's still in office? Yeah, well, here's a movie about his life and career from early Texas hellraiser to the brink of the Iraq War. Josh Brolin acquits himself well in the title role, managing to balance the delicate line between playing a character and doing an impression. The same can be said of Jeffrey Wright as Colin Powell and Richard Dreyfuss as Dick Cheney. Theirs are the only performances that stand out in a good way. Wright's performance hints at a better movie—the tragic breaking of a once noble military man. Pretty much the rest of it was bad. The tone is all over the place—at times you're asked to laugh at Bush and his cronies (which is its own issue—anyone ready to think Karl Rove is funny?), other times to take them seriously. The problem lies in the movie's complete lack of perspective. You can't begin to put Bush into context yet when the Iraq War is still raging without an end in site. Plus, not only does W. not tell us a single thing we didn't already know about the man, it glosses over major events. The movie makes it seem like Dubya just cruised into the Oval office and didn't claw his way to it in the single most controversial presidential election in U.S. history (The fact he technically "lost" isn't important? Kind of a big thing to overlook, Ollie). The rest is a mire of some piss-poor acting (Thandie Newton's Condoleezza Rice is just embarrassing) and a lame script (it's not dialogue, it's strung together keywords: Someone said "decider"! Someone said "axis of evil!" Someone said "shock and awe!") As bad as the state of the world is as W.'s end credits roll, just remind yourself that the movie ends before they even get to Hurricane Katrina. It's more chilling end note than Carrie's hand reaching out of the grave, and another reason why W. can't possibly hope to comment on Bush's legacy in the slightest. It's a rental for the curious, but, sadly, Stone has botched a chance to make a truly meaningful film. From 1 to 10, I give it a five.

FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG

Billboard size images of aborted fetuses arenow showing on the streets of Fort Myers. The pictures are so graphic, people called police. "These are photographs of human embryos and early fetuses. We feel they deserve to know the truth," said spokesman, Paul Troiani. The truth he says is spelled out in pictures of aborted fetuses. Billboard sized images of hands, feet, legs, and a head are taped to two trucks, which drove through Fort Myers Thursday afternoon. "We're trying to reach a lot of people and these trucks on any given day can reach thousands of people," Troiani said. He is part of the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, an Ohio based pro-life organization responsible for the trucks and images. Troiani says this is part of a nationwide campaign centered to raise awareness about abortion. "We're concerned this issue is being trivialized. These pictures tell a different story," he said. A story some people in Fort Myers say is offensive and not appropriate for children. "It's extremely disgusting. How could I ever explain that portrait? I have no idea what I would say to my kids. I hope they wouldn't even notice," said Robert Harris, of Fort Myers. But some kids did notice. One boy pointed and his mom suddenly pulled him in another direction. "I didn't even know that graphic of a picture can be shown," Harris said. "I really didn't like seeing it roll down Main street," said Ellen Minichiello. Somebody else didn't like it and called the cops. One of the trucks was pulled over. The officer says people are angry about the pictures, but no citations were issued. Trioani says this is freedom of speech and they're not violating any law. With that the trucks were allowed to roll on. "If people don't want to see these pictures, then the proper thing to do is stop this killing," Troiani said. The trucks will be in Port Charlotte on Friday. They'll make their way across the state next week. And if I see one I'll try to take a picture of it.

R.I.P.

Zima: I find it ironic that it dies at the same age as anyone who would actually drink that nasty shit.

OCTOBER 30TH IN HISTORY

1938
CBS radio announces that glistening, black-eyed Martians have landed at Grover's Mill, New Jersey. Luckily for the extraterrestrials, the news is announced during a Mercury Theatre program and later discounted as a work of fiction. Needless to say, the event causes widespread panic before the government manages to clamp a lid on it.
1944
Anne Frank deported from Auschwitz to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. (If you're reading the diary, she dies in the end.)
1945
Natalis Fonzii Henry Winkler is born in New York City.
1961
Due to his "violations of Lenin's precepts," Soviet leaders decree that Josef Stalin's body be quietly removed from its place of honor inside Lenin's tomb. They bury the Man of Steel with a plain granite marker near the Kremlin wall.
1966
The Zodiac kills his first victim, 18-year-old Cheri Jo Bates, in the library parking lot of a community college in Riverside, California. Zodiac stabs her to death with a small knife, nearly decapitating Bates in the process.
2002
Jason William Mizell, aka Run-D.M.C.'s legendary DJ Jam Master Jay, is shot dead in the lounge of his Merrick Boulevard recording studio in Queens. The masked culprit, who gave Mizell a close-range .40-caliber gunshot wound behind the left ear, remains at large to this day.
2008
The Peverett Phile as we know it comes to and end.

CANNED LAUGHTER

A guy who's looking for his buddy walks into a barbershop and asks, "Bob Peters here?" "Sorry," replies the barber. "We just cut hair."

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me 13 margaritas." The bartender says, "Wow, that's quite an order. What's the occassion?" The man replies, "Well, I'm celebrating my first blow job." "That is something to celebrate. Tell you what, how about one more on the house?" The man replies, "No, thanks. If 13 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
 
A doctor has sex with one of his patients and feels extremely guilty about it. The next day he hears voices in his head. One says, "It's okay, a lot of doctors do it."
A second says, "You're sick fuck, you're a vet!"

A husband and wife are sharing a bottle of wine when the husband says, "I bet you can't tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks for a few minutes, then says, "Your dick is bigger than your brother's."