Pheaturing Gurinder Chadha

 

Hello, thee, kids, welcome to the Phle for a Wednesday. How are you? “I’m not a cat,” is probably not what you would expect to hear from a lawyer during a court case, especially in virtual court. But that’s exactly what was said by lawyer Rod Ponton in virtual court in the 394th judicial district court of West Texas, who couldn’t figure out how to take the Zoom call kitten filter off of his own face. And the entire video of the mishap is HILARIOUS. The video starts with Hon. Judge Roy Ferguson pointing out, “Mr. Ponton I believe you have a filter turned on in your video settings,” to which Ponton, cat filter covering everything but his mere eyeballs and mouth, with a slight, frantic panic in his voice replies with, “Can you hear me judge?” Judge Ferguson, probably trying to stay professional and keep the giggles out of the way, calmly explains, “I can hear you. I think it’s a filter.” “It is and I don’t know how to remove it,” Ponton explained. “I’ve got my assistant here and she’s trying to remove it but uh… I’m prepared to go forward with it. I’m here live. I’m not a cat.” Check this shit out...

Ponton told Vice’s Motherboard that he was actually unaware that the court had posted the video of the Zoom hearing and shared concerns of having his name on the live stream, blaming it on using his secretary’s computer. He said, “Oh, that was just a mistake by my secretary,” he said. “I was using her computer and for some reason, she had that filter on. I took it off and replaced it with my face. It was a case involving a man trying to exit the United States with contraband and contraband cash. All it was was a mistake. It was taken off and we had the hearing as normal.” Attorney Gibbs Bauer, who was also on the call, told Motherboard that he thought the Zoom filter was just a glitch, saying, Have no idea what caused that. Probably just a computer glitch.” Judge Ferguson took to social media to tweet about what happened, saying, “IMPORTANT ZOOM TIP: If a child used your computer, before you join a virtual hearing check the Zoom Video Options to be sure filters are off,” he said. “This kitten just made a formal announcement on a case in the 394th (sound on).” “These fun moments are a by-product of the legal profession’s dedication to ensuring that the justice system continues to function in these tough times,” Ferguson said. “Everyone involved handled it with dignity, and the filtered lawyer showed incredible grace. True professionalism all around!” No offense, but I would take seeing stuff like this over celebrity gossip concerning Paris Hilton or Britney Spears any day. This is what we should be seeing more of in headlines! Kids are streaming and consuming stuff on social platforms now like TikTok, so no wonder old hears have a harder time keeping up with technology. And no, it’s not because this is in the south either, as I’m sure some up north in New York can relate to struggling with new technology. I know, even in my 50s, that yeah, I’m even struggling to keep up. And it’s so refreshing to see some light-hearted humor in some form of politics. You know, with the coronavirus pandemic still around, the storming of the U.S. Capitol, President Joe Biden and VP Kamala Harris getting inaugurated, Robinhood’s stock issues, Donald Trump’s Senate impeachment trial happening, Tom Brady winning yet another Super Bowl, videos like these are what keeps us afloat despite the craziness. I love to see it.

A 34-year-old woman who was already on parole for the death of her infant son is now charged with a state felony for doing almost the exact same thing. Denette Williams, a woman from Conroe, Texas, is now being charged with endangering a child, after birthing and leaving her newborn girl in a water-filled toilet. Denette Williams via Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office According to Montgomery County court records, Williams was convicted back in August 2012 for a first-degree felony for the death of her 5-week-old baby boy, Braylan Hood, in March 2011. The little boy had suffered a broken neck, and his father, 32-year-old Jimmie Hood, was also convicted on the case. Braylon was not only five weeks premature, but he also had broken ribs, neck and arm ligature marks, and brain bleeding, as told by the courier. However, the pair failed to take him to the emergency room, keeping him strapped to a car seat without feeding him or changing his diaper. After being left in the car for 11 hours, Braylan had also suffered a partially severed spinal cord from all the blunt force injuries, as reported by the Houston Chronicle. The jury deliberated for barely an hour before finding Williams guilty. She was originally given a 15-year prison sentence but then got it reduced to 10 years in December 2014 on appeal. Hood had received probation in a separate trial, but had it revoked for violations less than a year later. He was then handed a seven-year sentence. Well, according to a probable cause affidavit, the newborn girl’s father, Christopher Hardmon, woke up to Williams’ screams and called 911 when he discovered a baby head down in a toilet. Williams claimed that she thought she was having severe menstrual cramps when she went to use the bathroom at 3:00 a.m. After one alleged big “cramp,” she said she heard a “plop,” began bleeding and then went to go shower. Williams also claimed that she had no idea she was pregnant, despite the medical care staff at Memorial Hermann The Woodlands Hospital putting the baby at 35 weeks in gestation. They also noticed, “a six-inch part of the umbilical cord with a ‘flayed’ end still attached to the otherwise healthy child,” according to the documents. Investigators also received a copy of an online state welfare benefits application that Williams signed back in May. She had identified herself as pregnant, putting her due date in September. Montgomery County criminal defense attorney Judith Shields, who is representing Williams, thinks that the charges would’ve been different if not for her prior convictions. She says, “I think that when everything is looked at and brought forward that we may find that Denette is not the hideous monster that the state is trying to portray her as, so we’re just gonna keep working to find the truth.” Alright, look... I’m not even going to justify my ability to be blunt, but this woman knew what she was doing. Was the welfare application last year not enough to indicate that she knew she was pregnant? And how did this woman think she was going to get away with this story? No, this isn’t the pandemic making people crazy, there’s absolutely no excuse for these kinds of actions. And I really hope no one threw her a baby shower or looked to see if she had a registry on Amazon or something.

A California man has contracted COVID-19 after being fully immunized with the Pfizer vaccine. Health experts are now warning this could become more common with the variants that have now emerged in the pandemic. According to Gary Michael, he got a phone call from the Orange County Health Department where a healthcare worker revealed his diagnosis. He stated, “They told me that yes, I’m positive with coronavirus and they went through my symptoms and the precautions of what I should do as far as quarantine.” Michael previously received both of his COVID-19-vaccines. His first dose was on December 28th, followed by a second vaccine on January 18th. Three weeks have officially passed since those vaccinations, yet Michael still tested positive for COVID at Mission Hospital. He had initially gone to the hospital for an unrelated health issue. According to Dr. Tirso del Junco, Chief Medical Officer for 7 southern California hospitals, there have been at least 7 cases of people who have tested positive for COVID after getting the vaccine. He noted, “You might be surprised by this man’s story, this patient’s story. I’m not. It’s not the first one I’ve heard of. I think I’ve heard of 6 or 7 independent cases in the last three weeks of people vaccinated with different timelines who have been vaccinated, who have tested positive. I think we’re going to continue to see that more and more.” Doctors and the CDC are now urging people to keep wearing their face masks whether they have been vaccinated or not. Apparently, new mutant COVID strains are spreading in the country. Del Junco noted, “And we’re going to truly understand the effectiveness and how long these vaccines are effective, number 1. Number 2, as soon as we started the vaccine program is when we started hearing about these mutant strains. We have three aggressive mutant strains now that people keep talking about and that’s long after we started this vaccination process.” Michaels live-in girlfriend also tested positive for coronavirus, 5 days after he received his second Pfizer dose. Luckily, he is said to recover since the case is relatively minor.

“What can you say except, I’m sorry? I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want it done to me, I’m sorry. Going through it when I look back where I was back then, I know it’s wrong, I am really sorry for that. I know it’s the wrong thing to do,” said Karen McDougal with teary eyes to Anderson Cooper in a CNN interview. The 49-year-old former Playboy model was apologizing to former First Lady Melania Trump for her alleged affair with former President Donald Trump, feeling incredibly remorseful. McDougal had first met Trump during his "Celebrity Apprentice" days, when he filmed at the Playboy Mansion back in 1998. She claimed that this is where they started their relationship, talking about “anything and everything” during their “dates” together. The former Playboy Playmate explained her “real relationship” with Trump, saying, “There were real feelings between the two of us, not just myself, not just him... Deep inside, I did have a lot of guilt but I still continued.” She wasn’t shy sharing details of having unprotected sex with the former Republican president, saying “When you’re in a relationship, do you count how many times you have sex? I can tell you we saw each other a minimum five times a month up to bigger numbers per month. Over the course of 2006 through, I think I ended it April 2007,” also saying that the alleged relationship began June 2006, three months before he and his wife Melania’s son Barron was born. McDougal, a former preschool teacher who also was Playmate of the Month for December 1997 and Playmate of the Year of 1998, was also the runner-up nominee of The Sexiest Playmate of the 1990s. She explained that she truly believed that her affair with Trump would end in marriage, explaining how she believe he had real feelings for her. “Of course, he did. I know he did. I was in love. He always told he loved me,” she said. The former Playboy bunny ended up suing the company that owns the National Enquirer in order to come forward in 2018 about the alleged 2006 affair. According to the suit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, she was paid $150,000 for her story and then withheld it from publication. She is reportedly the second woman paid to keep the affair quiet, besides porn star Stormy Daniels, and also stated in her suit that her attorney was working closely with Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal attorney at the time, to keep her quiet. The pair’s alleged affair was actually first made public by the New Yorker, but reps from the White House claims that, “This is an old story that is just more fake news. The President says he never had a relationship with McDougal.” Nevertheless, tabloids and social media took a hold of the news, as many can remember hearing about this whole debacle. In the wake of losing the presidential election to Biden and now facing another impeachment trial, I wonder if Ivanka’s father is trying to find and enjoy some peaceful time in his Mar-A-Lago home in Palm Beach, Florida, or has he maybe escaped to the Trump Tower in New York City, New York.

A mural was unveiled in front of a Houston High School in memory of George Floyd, who is one of its former students. The mural was dedicated to Floyd reading, "Black Lives Matter” in bright gold and red paint and spans two blocks in front of Jack Yates High School. Artist Jonah Elijah created the mural along with several volunteers who attended the unveiling in the company of Floyd’s family members. Floyd’s niece Bianca Williams spoke about the mural, stating, “This means so much to my family and I know it would mean a lot to my uncle. Continue to stand with us. This is the beginning of a long fight, united together, stronger than ever.” The mural also features the red and gold No.88 football jersey Floyd wore as a player on the High School football team. The street mural was commissioned by Harris County Commissioner Rodney Ellis, along with the Houston Society for Change and the nonprofit minority advocacy group 88 C.H.U.M.P. The ceremony also featured a special appearance by congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee, who then presented the Floyd family with the George Floyd Justice in Policing Act. The legislation is set to focus on Justice training police officers and aims to provide money to communities to reimagine polishing. 46-year-old Floyd, who was African American, was killed back on May 25th, 2020, during an arrest in Minneapolis. Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin kneeled on Floyd’s neck for nearly 10 minutes. The tragic event was captured on video by witnesses and quickly went viral on social media causing chaos worldwide. The video showed Floyd repeatedly crying out “I can’t breathe” until he went unconscious. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. This led to sweeping calls for social justice throughout the rest of the year. Chauvin and three other law enforcement officers were fired from the police department and are all facing charges related to second-degree murder and manslaughter. Their trial is now scheduled for March 2021. Around the United States, several murals have been coming up memorizing Floyd, including one in Houston and in Minneapolis. A mural featuring Floyd’s face, alongside Breonna Taylor, over a burning city, was painted by artist Chris Rogers in Austin, Texas, which he stated is meant to symbolize not only Justice with police violence but problems with the way the United States is operating and has been operating. Several other murals in honor of George Floyd and in support of the Black Lives Matter Movement have been created around the world in cities such as Berlin, Belfast, Manchester, Gaza City, Syria, and Idlib. 

The Super Bowl LV streaker who was wearing a neon pink bikini and ran onto the field during the 4th quarter of Sunday’s big game has now been identified. Thirty-one-year-old Yuri Andrade was charged on Sunday night with trespassing after he streaked across the field in Raymond James Stadium. His mugshot was released...

Andrade was planted there by social media personality Vitaly Zdorovetskiy, who has pulled this prank before. Zdorovetskiy runs the website Vitaly Uncensored, which was written on the front of Andrade’s pink swimsuit. Vitaly Uncensored is an adult website. Zdorovetskiy has done previous stunts at the World Series and NBA Finals. Speaking of the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl ratings are in, and they are not good. Super Bowl LV generated 96.4 million total viewers across both live TV and streaming services, CBS Sports said Tuesday. It’s the least-watched Super Bowl since the Colts and Bears averaged 93.2 million viewers on CBS in 2007. One could argue politics, one could argue the lopsided game, and another could argue COVID-19. Perhaps it was a combination of all three.  

One thing that makes me laugh is when families redo some photos from they past, like this one...

Clever. Here's another dumb thing that happened in 2021 so far...

You must unlearn, what you have learned. So, did you see Han Solo's new record? No? I will show it here...

Told you. Hahaha. Valentine's Day is Sunday and if you're looking for a card to get then how about this one?

Hahahahahahahaha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...

Top Phive Things Said By Dad's About Parenthood

5. I'm not saying that asking your kids to clean will always make things worse, but I asked my 4-year-old to clean his muddy shoes and found him standing naked in a full bathtub polishing them with his toothbrush.

4. I've convinced my kids that they can hypnotize me to fall asleep when I'm chasing them and it's their new favorite game. I'll literally lay down for a 10 minute nap in the hallway and they won't bug me because it "breaks their spell." It's the greatest win as a parent thus far.

3. Not sure where I'd be today if not for all the timely and relevant advice from my 5-year-old. This morning she woke me up to let me know not to bite into hamburgers when they are too hot.

2. My 4-year-old refused to let me try a bite of his hamburger and when I asked why he looks me dead in the eyes and without a trace of irony says, "coronavirus."

And the number one thing said by a dad about parenthood is...

1. Unlocked the next level of being a dad, by removing and putting back the same batteries to get a dead remote working. 

If you spot the Mindphuck then let me know. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, shall we?

Still got snow on the ground. Looks nice, right? Okay, now for a story from...

A seemingly kind act turned into a nightmare after a 16-year-old boy was arrested for shooting his girlfriend’s aunt. Michael Lecorn was arrested at the Avenue Apartments on Vizcaya Lake Road near Ocoee, Florida, after shooting 41-year-old Fonda Gandy, in what deputies think was not a random shooting. Lecorn had moved in with his girlfriend and her family getting into a disagreement with his own family, according to the affidavit. And according to a witness, a friend had given Lecorn a black semi-automatic handgun, which was used in the fatal shooting. Lecorn was reportedly with his girlfriend in her bedroom, before saying he had to go use the bathroom and walking out. He then allegedly shot Gandy from the top of the stairs while she was seated on an air mattress in the living room. He also proceeded to shoot at another woman who also lives at the apartment while she was attempting to leave, but luckily was uninjured. His girlfriend had heard when Lecorn shot Gandy, after she saw him leave her bedroom, and then had heard four to five more after. She had then rushed downstairs to find her aunt bleeding from gunshot wounds and struggling to breathe. According to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office, Gandy was taken to a hospital from the Ocoee apartment complex, where she was pronounced dead. And homicide detectives found 14 casings and one live round at the bottom of the stairs, which matches the 15 rounds that were loaded into the handgun. A GoFundMe page has been set up by Gandy’s 23-year-old son, Mike Scott, who mentioned how she had just moved to the Orlando area. He wrote how his mother had just celebrated her 41st birthday and was actually “trying to help” Lecorn before she died, but didn’t provide too many details. He wrote, “My mom was a community mom, always willing to step up and help others,” and he added, “At 23-years-old, I never thought I would be starting the new year with burying my mom.” At the end of the information given on the GoFundMe page, Scott asked that if anyone has tips on the shooting death to call the Orange COunty Sheriff’s Office at 407-254-7000 or Crimeline at 407-423-TIPS. It’s a hard reminder to remember that despite everything in the world that has been going on, with President Biden starting his administration, COVID-19 vaccines rolling out for the coronavirus, and Valentine's Day coming up, that the real world is still moving around us, no matter what’s trending on social media.

In FBI shows, cops are incompetent unskilled simpletons who just get in the way. In cop shows, the FBI are bureaucratic incompetent simpletons who just get in the way.

The 145th book to be pleautured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Tom will be on the Phile on Monday. 

Today's guest is a British film director of Indian origin. Most of her films explore the lives of Indians living in England.  She is best known for the hit films Bhaji on the Beach, Bend It Like Beckham, Bride and Prejudice, Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, It's a Wonderful Afterlife and Viceroy's House. Her latest features are the biographical musical comedy-drama Blinded by the Light and the television show "Beecham House." Please welcome to the Phile... Gurinder Chadha.

Me: Hello, Grinder, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Gurinder: Good to be here. Thank you. 

Me: Okay, so, the movie Blinded by the Light is now on Blu-ray. Before we get into that do you remember the first time you heard Bruce Springsteen? 

Gurinder: Absolutely, yes. I was at school and I had a Saturday job in Harrods, and I was really into soul music and this guy working at the record store says to me, "Have you heard of this Bruce Springsteen?" I said, "Yes, but I'm not a rocker." I had him down as a heavy metal guy. The guy said, "No, no, you've got it all wrong." And he pulled out "Born to Run" and said, "Take a look at this album." The cover really struck me because it was a black dude and white dude being very pally and sweet with other and I hadn't really seen that before. So I took the album home and it blew me away. 

Me: What did you like about about the music you heard? 

Gurinder: I loved the saxophone, I loved how it combined with the guitar, then more than anything here was this guy singing songs about ordinary people struggling to get by, feeling trapped, trying to make a better life for themselves and I thought oh my God, he's singing about my parents. So that was my connection with Bruce. 

Me: That's cool. I have no idea where I first heard of Bruce. Anyway, tell the readers that might not know what the movie is about. 

Gurinder: It's not a bio pic of Bruce, it's based on the real life of Sarfraz Manzoor. 

Me: Can you tell us a little bit about Sarfraz? 

Gurinder: Yes. Sarfraz is a journalist in Britain and we became friends very early on because I was a big Bruce fan and I read an article he wrote once about him, So, we became friends and he said, "I'm going to write a memoir of growing up and how Bruce Springsteen saved my life." I'm like, "Awesome." 

Me: So, how did his book get turned into a movie? 

Gurinder: He wrote this book and Bend It Like Beckham had been a big hit and in his head he was hoping I might find something in it, having just made a movie about the Asian community in Britain but also being a die hard Springsteen fan. When I read his book I said, "This is great memoir but I know how to turn it into a movie but without Bruce Springsteen we don't have anything." We need his permission, his backing. 

Me: Was that as daunting as it sounds, to get his backing and blessing? 

Gurinder: Yes! I didn't think it'll ever happen because I thought where are we going to get that from because he's notoriously protective of his music and quite rightly so. 

Me: So, how did you get it? His blessing and backing? 

Gurinder: I figured, who knows, let's see. I carried working on other stuff then in 2010 Bruce actually came to London for the premiere of his movie The Promise. I got invited, I took Sarfraz as my plus one and there on the carpet we both had our cameras on waiting to take pictures as Bruce passed, then a miracle happened, he looked over and he recognised Sarfraz from being at so many concerts at the front and hanging around outside of hotels and cars and concert halls like a proper nerdy fan. He walked over and said, "Hey, man, I read your book, it's really beautiful." Sarfraz had a complete melt down. 

Me: What did Sarfraz say after that? 

Gurinder: "Oh, my God, how did you read it? How did you take the time to read it?" 

Me: Haha. And what did you think? 

Gurinder: I thought, right, this is it, this is my moment. I have three seconds to do a movie deal with Bruce Springsteen I've got to do it now as there's people trying to move him on. I just blurted it out, I said, "Hi, Bruce, I'm Gurinder Chadha, I made Bend It Like Beckham, I'm such a big fan I want to turn this book into a movie. Will you support us please, will you help us?" Sort of like that really. 

Me: Real smooth. Haha. And what did he do? 

Gurinder: He looked at me and he looked at Sarfraz, there were two Asians hyperventilating in front of him and he looked at us and said, "Sounds good." 

Me: So, what was your approach in making this movie? 

Gurinder: Well, it's definitely a film about music and the power of music to impact someone when they're young. Especially when they are searching a looking for a way out. You don't haver to be a Bruce Springsteen fan to like the film, you can transfer Springsteen for anything else that impacted you when you were growing up. It's really about growing up and following a path they want that their parents don't necessary want for them. And finding their way through that against the backdrop of rampant racism in 80s Thatcher's Britain. Rampant racism and poverty actually because the family is pretty poor. 

Me: You mentioned Bend It Like Beckham, which came out in 2002. How would you compare the two films? 

Gurinder: Well, I made a lot of films since then but it was 18-years-ago now, but this was the first film I made since then which is kind of back in that territory of British-Asian community. It had some similarities, it's about an Asian kid who has a dream that their parents don't necessary respond to and want him to follow. That's where the similarities are, but beyond that it's a different film. It's like a quasi-musical. It's probably my best film to date I think in terms of technique as a director in how I was trying to blend the songs and the music and the words into a narrative structure of the film as opposed to a juke box musical. 

Me: I read that you said the movies Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians are important to Blinded by the Light. Can you explain how? 

Gurinder: Oh, yeah. The importance is that they are BIG mainstream movies that really touched a nerve in a lot of people. In my mind they're game changers, they really are. So I think a message went out to say an audience really does want to see movies from our perspective and starring people that look like the actors in those films. That's why those films are game changers, I hope we see more films from that perspective for sure. 

Me: You said the movie has a connection to Brexit. How is that possible? 

Gurinder: Well, we started working on the film a while back and then I dropped it because the script needed a lot of work but I went off to make Bend It Like Beckham the Musical for the West End stage. Then Briexit happened and it was a very sad moment when all this xenophobia happened around us and that's when said I have to do something about this. I have to provide a different voice so I picked up the script for Blinded and I did a whole new pass where I really wanted to make the lessons of what we have been through and struggled. The 80s feel very real and relevant to today. 

Me: What was it like to show Bruce the film? 

Gurinder: I took him to see my director's cut because I felt that he really needed to see it before I locked it, so at least if there's any notes he had he could give me them. He didn't ask to be involved in anything, he just handed me the music and just trusted me. So I went to New work, sat in a room with him and a few of his managers, put the movie on, he watched it very intestinally. At the end of the movie there was silence. I was like "Oh, God, this isn't right." Then I figured he probably wanted to talk to his people about it, so I quickly got up and turned the lights on. Before I could leave I saw him stand up and walk towards me and touched me on my shoulder. I turned around and he put his arms around me and he gave me a big kiss and said, "Wow. Thank you for looking after me so beautifully. Thank you. Don't change a thing." 

Me: Man. How did that make you feel? 

Gurinder: That I got knighted by the Boss. 

Me: Gurinder, what is your favorite Bruce song? 

Gurinder: Hmmm, now you got me. I say "Thunder Road." 

Me: A screen door slams... haha. Gurinder, thanks for being on the Phile. This was cool. I hope I can get Bruce on the Phile before September. 

Gurinder: Thank you, Jason.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile, Thanks to Gurinder for a cool interview. The Phile will be back on Monday with Tom Morello. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss you brain. 

Give me some rope, tie me to dream, give me the hope to run out of steam, somebody said it could be here. We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year. I can't count the reasons I should stay. One by one they all just fade away...