Hey kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake. There could literally be a zombie apocalypse today and we'd be like "that is so on brand for 2020." Did you have a good Independence Day? You know, 242 years ago, Thomas Jefferson wrote the ultimate break up letter. "It's not you, it's U.S."
We, in general, often tend to forget that the people living in retirement homes are adults. Adults who’ve lived long, full, eventful lives. Adults who are still alive. So of course those adults are still going to want to drink and screw and fight and love and make friends and be petty idiots. The thing about old people is… that they’re people. So as rad and hilarious as a nursing home fight sounds... very, if you were wondering... it really shouldn’t be any more surprising than a fight at a school or a bar. When there are people somewhere there’s a decent chance they’ll be pissing each other off. Either way the mental image of two old Canadian women, aged 79 and 86, coming to blows over BINGO seating, and that fight being so intense that it sucked in the rest of the nursing home, turning activity night into a full-blown brawl, is truly fantastic to behold. There must have been walkers, canes, wigs, and dentures flying everywhere. Presumably when the police showed up some rookie was like, “Sarge, what do we do? Pepper spray? Tasers? Clubs?” and the Sergeant was like, “It’s fine they’ll tire themselves out in a few minutes. We can’t deploy any of the normal stuff though. There’s no such thing as a ‘less-than-lethal’ weapon when the perp is 80. Anything stronger than a pillow is going to put these people into a grave.” According to police there were no serious injuries suffered in the brawl, because of course there weren’t. The only way anyone was getting hurt in this brawl is if it happened at the top of some stairs. Still though, the Rideau Lakes Police Department is going to need to release that body cam footage.
A United States Marine Corps pilot is in some trouble for his truly beautiful aerial artwork. Specifically, he drew a fat wiener with his flight path. Turns out that didn’t sit too well with his (the gender of the pilot is technically unknown but, c’mon) superiors. Yeah, the Marines aren’t super into dick related hijinks on the job. According to Aircraft Sports, the phallic navigation was done by a U.S. Navy T-34C, part of Marine Fighter Attack Training Squadron 101, that took off from Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in southern California. How can you punish a pilot this talented?
That dick is perfect. Perfect. Look how straight the shaft is. Look how symmetrical the head and balls are! It’s a wonder this thing doesn’t have pubes and veins on it. I’m 100% convinced this pilot could pull that off. It’s comforting to know our military has such talented pilots at its disposal. Major Joseph Patterson condemned the prank on the local news, telling local news that the obscene gesture does not represent the values of the United States Marine Corps. Which… eh. The Marines intend to investigate the incident to determine if a punishment will be necessary for the pilot responsible for the invisible sky dong. I would pay good money to be present at any and all of the hearings revolving around SkyDickGate. I bet some Top Gun looking pilot did this. He’s going to swagger into that hearing and talk about how more pilots need to have balls. Balls like the ones on the dick he drew. Big, hairy nuts. For America. Then he’s going to put his aviators back on, say, “If you need anything else, you know where to find me,” walk out despite not having been told he can leave, hop on his hog, with a waiting blonde on the back of it, and speed off into the distance. I salute you, sir.
Alright, I get that as Americans you are all allowed to say what you want. You’re allowed to express your opinion in public regardless of how popular, sane or offensive they may be. BUT, that being said, people are also allowed to respond to your opinion with their own personal thoughts. That’s called freedom of speech. Now, I know that assault is frowned upon and you basically run the heavy risk of being charged with a crime if you decided to express your opinion using violence; but I think that most people will agree with me when I say that if you hold up a sign that says “you deserve to be raped,” you’re basically asking to be smacked it the head. Which is exactly what street preacher Brother Dean Saxton deserved if you ask me. Basically, Saxton decided to create some controversy outside of Apollo High School, using a megaphone to tell students that they were ruining Christian faith and they were all going to go to hell because of it. He begins to harass people about homosexuality, arguing that they were straying away from his own faith and begins to quote the bible. So, as expected, people were not having him or his idiotic sign, because that is just wrong. How are you going to hold up a sign saying that people actually deserve rape? Who are you? The video was posted on YouTube where you can clearly hear the man getting hit with a metal baseball bat from behind, but unfortunately, the assault itself wasn’t caught on film. Shocked at the whole incident, you can then see the street preacher walking away, bleeding from one side of his head. As expected, he later pressed charges against 19-year-old Tabitha Brubaker, who is now facing charges of aggravated assault. But no worries, several people defended her action and supporters actually decided to raise money for Brubaker’s bond so she’s can remain out of jail while awaiting trial. Lawyers have also offered to represent her for free. Because well, we all know that Tabitha was in the right here. The whole thing blew up on social media, and several girls showed support through hilarious tweets for Brubaker. As for the Arizona Preacher, well he’s still hanging around schools and universities basically telling children that Muslims are terrorists, homosexuals are sinners, and students wearing yoga pants and cropped tops basically deserve rape. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. I bet it’s only a matter of time until someone else hits him with another bat again.
Ghislaine Maxwell, the British socialite and heiress of financier Jeffrey Epstein, and was later implicated in his alleged sexual crimes, has officially been arrested by the FBI. Maxwell was arrested in Bedford, New Hampshire on charges she conspired with Epstein to sexually abuse minors. Epstein’s confidante is expected to appear in federal court later today. The six-count criminal indictment alleges Maxwell helped Esperin groom young women under the age of 18, with some of them as young as 14, going back as far as 1994 at his residences in New York City, Florida, Palm Beach, New Mexico, Santa Fe, and at Maxwell’s home in London, England. According to the indictment, “in some instances, Maxwell was present for and participated in the sexual abuse of minor victims.” Ghislaine, who was the daughter of media Aaron Robert Maxwell, was a former girlfriend of Epstein and was at his side for decades. She is also being accused of allegedly helping Espein groom teen girls for sex with the rich and powerful. Virginia Roberts Giuffre, who was one of the teens, leveled that charge against the woman in a 2015 defamation suit, as well as other accusers who have spoken about Epstein. Epstein, who was registered as a sex offender and kept company with captain and presidents of industry, was arrested last year on new federal charges of exploiting dozens of underage girls in Florida and New York in the early 2000s. He was a former friend of Presidents Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, and of Britain’s Prince Andrew. The sex offender attempted suicide in custody in late July and died in his jail cell after another suicide attempt in early August. Two guards tasked with monitoring Epstein are now facing federal charges for not properly supervising him before his death. One day before Epstein’s suicide, a federal appeals court released the transcript of a 2016 deposition in which he repeatedly refused to say whether Maxwell did procure young girls for him. Maxwell stayed below the radar since the death of Epstein, as speculation continued about whether she could face any repercussions for Epstein’s alleged abuses. Through a statement, Nebraska Sen. Ben Sasse stated, “Epstein got a crooked, sweetheart deal years ago that protected his co-conspirators, like Maxwell. Maxwell has been on the run for months because she too hoped to escape justice. We can’t let that happen again... her victims deserve their day in court.” Sasse, who is a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee has since pushed aggressively for the Justice Department to investigate what has been described as a”sweetheart deal” which gave Epstein and other community for federal charges back in 2007. Former Miami U.S. Attorney Alex Acosta was involved in negotiating the deal, and 12 years later he resigned as Labor Secratify amid several criticisms of the arrangement.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this record...
Ummm... maybe not. I was thinking... if 2020 was a couple...
Hahaha. If I had a TARDIS I would probably end up in France meeting this old lady with a cow...
Man, it looks cold there. Do you remember the Richard Scarry books when you were a kid? I saw this the other day and it made me think of something...
That's me describing how I handle my feelings. Hahaha. Gender equality in the workplace is important... and one farmer is wondering if she's in the wrong by mostly hiring men to work on her farm. A woman who owns a farm asked for me for advice after she was accused of sexism when she hired a man over a woman to work for her.
"Am I wrong for only hiring men?" her email begins. The woman uses the farm as an informal animal rescue. "About ten years back, I inherited my grandpa’s farm. About 8 years ago my mom got sick, so I moved into my inherited house to be closer to her. I got a great job locally, and I’ve lived here ever since. In my free time, I rescue animals and take them in. On my land I have, two cows, one horse, one donkey, a flock of chickens, pigs, cats, and dogs." She hires assistants to help feed the animals. "I have a VERY demanding job, so sometimes I don’t always have the time to feed them. Obviously I can’t let them starve, so I hire assistants to help with them. It’s a physically demanding job, and not everyone can do it." She usually hires college kids. "I live near a college town, so a lot of kids come to interview. Most of them think it’s easy cash, just feeding animals and such, but they have to carry that food across to the paddocks everyday. I have a couple requirements for the job. Like no allergies, you’ve got to be strong, fast, and good with animals." A girl and a boy applied, but the girl was "petite" and the boy was "huge." "So the other day, I got these two kids come in. A girl and boy. The girl was very nice, but she was short and petite. Not the type I was looking for to haul hay across my farm. The boy however, was huge. I asked both of them to try and pick up one of my pigs. Boy could do it, girl could not." She hired the boy, and the girl was angry. "I hired the boy but not the girl. Next thing I know she’s screaming at me about how I’m sexist and that the only reason I didn’t hire her was because she’s a girl. Truth is, I don’t hire many girls. I don’t usually get any that come in. I do have one of my staff though." She specified that she would've hired the girl if the girl had been able to lift a pig. "I told her that she just didn’t fit the requirements and she started crying and left. I know she wasn’t a good fit, but she just seemed so upset. Am I wrong? If he couldn’t lift it, and she could, I would hire her instead. And yes they will need to be able to pick up the pigs. Or at least drag their stubborn asses into their pen." You didn't really do anything wrong. It's totally fine, as long as you're hiring because of skill and not gender, you're looking out for the well-being of the workers and the farm. You should though give concrete physical requirements for the job to avoid accusations of sexism in the future, not to mention save people some time: you really should put on you add that the job requires to be able to carry a certain weight and walking at least x distance daily. There are a lot of women that are good at farm work so sex shouldn't be a requirement, but if you need some physical attributes you should be forward about it. Anyway, hope the woman is able to find another job. If you have a problem you want my advice on email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com.
Top Phive Useless Lessons That Were Ever Taught In School
5. Badgers will bite your legs until they hear a crack, so put pine cones in your boots.
4. Teachers next year will only take work in cursive.
3. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket.
2. How to play "Hot Cross Buns" on the recorder.
And the number one unless lesson that was ever taught in school was...
1. Square of the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal in to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.
Treat your lungs as well as you treat your iPhone screen. Hey, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, shall we?
Looks like a nice normal day there.
The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.
The 131st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Max Brooks will be on the Phile next week some time.
Phact 1. Blind people can smile even though they have never seen anybody else smile.
Phact 2. Doctors before the eleventh century would drink the urine of their patients to determine whether or not they had diabetes. A sugary taste indicated the person was diabetic.
Phact 3. The oldest mine is over 40,000 years old. It was used to mine for a mineral used in cosmetics.
Phact 4. Medival-era magicians used to sprinkle celery seeds in their boots to help them fly.
Phact 5. Saudi Arabia has used up all its groundwater after three decades of irrational farming practices in desert and will soon need to import all its food in the near future.
Today's guest is is an English director, producer, writer and actor. One of the most prolific English film directors of his generation, he is known for directing: the "Up" series, the James Bond film The World Is Not Enough as well as Coal Miner's Daughter, which received seven Academy Award nominations including for the Best Picture, and Nell, which received three Golden Globe Award and one Academy Award nomination. His latest in the "Up" series, "63 Up" is available on BritBox over here in America and ITV in England. Please welcome to the Phile... Michael Apted.
Me: Hello, sir, welcome to the Phile. How are you, sir?
Michael: Thank you, Jason. I'm happy to be here.
Me: So, I watched the first few series of the show, my parents were big fans. I wish they could see the new one. Explain to the readers that don't know what it is.
Michael: "Up" is a British documentary series that follows the lives of a group of people every seven years since they were seven-years-old. The participants are now 63-years-old in the latest installment "63 Up."
Me: That's so crazy. A lot of the people in the series talk about the trepidation every seven years before filming. How about you?
Michael: I do too. Are they going to do it? Mostly they have done it. So that's a worry, what they're going to say and what their mood is going to be. And what they thought of the last film.
Me: Do you see them in the seven years in between?
Michael: No, I don't go to see them at all in the seven years between films.
Me: Why not?
Michael: I used to do that but it got too muddy. If I got too chummy with them then I'm not getting the tone that I want. My discovering of what's going on and feeling how I behave and all that so unless something really important happens within the seven years or so, maybe someone gets married or something like that I'll definitely do that but I won't do any serious interviews with them between the seven years.
Me: I'm guessing you do have some sort of relationship with them, am I right?
Michael: Oh, yes. It's huge really. It's like when we recall uncles and aunts when we were young, we'll see them now and again but they leave a big memory with us.
Me: As the relationships have grown has that changed the dynamic between you?
Michael: Oh, yes, they are 63 and what am I? I am 78. That is a problem as I am losing my memory. So far I managed to get through it or whatever. I know as much I could find out about them without them knowing it. Not in a way like I'm MI5 or something like that.
Me: Okay, so I read one of the people in the series, Jackie, called you out. What was that about and how did you feel?
Michael: Well, is you watched "49 Up" it was red hot. We were yelling at each other and this kind of stuff. We referred back to it. Sure, it's good for me in a cynical way that if I can get them going on certain things it would stop any sense of blandness about it all. That's the worse thing if it's boring and I think why are are we listening to this? So the more genuine atmosphere between us which is not always necessarily friendly which it isn't with any of them because we have arguments about what we can use, what we can't use, blah blah blah. So as long as it's lively. I certainly don't want to misrepresent them. I wouldn't make something up.
Me: One of the people was homeless. Did you want to help him or not compromise what is real, as you are just a documentarian?
Michael: I think the fact that we've been doing it for so long sort of helps. I can be more pushy than I'd normally would be, like with you for example. You seem like a decent bloke, but since I don't know you or know anything about you if you started yelling at me or swearing at me I might say, "Shut your gob."
Me: Hahaha. Most who know me do.
Michael: But anyway it'd a whole different thing because with this relationship started so young and many of them are still alive and with it, I will always be a part of them. Whether they do interview for things or go up for jobs it always comes up so it's a part of their lives, part of their armoury in life that they've been in this. Of course it's been successful from the very beginning which is a surprise. Their have been some tough things and obviously they are very tough people to go through this and to go through it every seven years. There's something about them.
Me: This was reality TV before their was reality TV, right?
Michael: It certainly was, my friend. Nothing could be more fair. It was the curse of me for some time, I think "35 Up" was its biggest of that kind of television. The big thing was they were being paid a lot of money these people for showing up and showing off. I had to convince them that what we were doing was more of a serious nature and has more values to it and more truthfulness to it. These are to people making a quick 30,000 pounds or whatever it is they pay them. My whole thing I was at a different place, a completely different place but then my people didn't feel that, with these companies having people tell a lie or be scandalous or whatever. I simply wasn't interested in that, and if I decided to do that kind of thing it'll create trouble or say things I knew about them that they wouldn't possibly know to I did know or something like that I think it would break the whole magic of it all. There is magic with it and what it would do.
Me: How are they dealing with the fame they get? Are they famous?
Michael: They are famous really. Some of them are not much interested in being followed around like that. I think they're all pleased with it. I think as we all are on the other side of it, the Granada side. Usually I use the same people all the time so it's very much a family. We do feel loyalty to all of it, we do feel loyalty to each other I think.
Me: What's it like to see them start off so young and now be older?
Michael: What's it like for you? Its like having ones own children around and seeing them grow and thinking of my God, I hope they carry on with this. It's not easy, especially of they're in any sort of trouble because I'm not going to be un-compassionate with them. But nor am I going to go out and solve problems for them unless it's a difficulty trouble they're in. I don't want to be seen, made this is an absurd thing to say, I don't want to see them suffer unnecessary because of me. I certainly don't want to exploit them in anyway.
Me: That's interesting, Michael. Is that hard not to do?
Michael: If it is something that is red hot I would certainly not use it without telling them. Most of them get to see it before I lock it down so they get their chances to moan at me or all this other stuff if they want to. But because I couldn't afford to be cheesy about them, then I'd lose them. They'll realise that it was just a piece of trash, just to get some laughs and things like that. Some crap in the papers or whatever, they're so experienced doing it now I'd lose them. That's my nightmare, I'd lose them.
Me: I have this pic of some of them to show...
Me: I think I watched "7 Up" and "14 Up" with my parents. When I saw the trailer for the new one I thought man, they only have a few more years to make the next ones... "70 Up" and then "77 Up," how many more can they be? What do you think?
Michael: I've got four children and some grandchildren, these are not my blood but nonetheless, they are not far off that. I feel part of their lives, and I'm definably part of their lives and I think we all care about each other. We don't want bad things to happen. And if I do to something stupid or something they didn't want me to do and all that and they tell me, I'll know and I'll show it to them. They'll say, "You can't use that." And I'll say, "Why not?" Blah, blah, blah. We have a discussion and all that and sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But if I got anything in it that I think is interesting and surprising and they'll become controversial then I give it my best try and I can't throw it at them when they watch it at home when they have a nervous breakdown.
Me: Hmmm... okay. You are best known for his films Gorillas in the Mist, Nell and the James Bond film The World Is Not Enough just to name a few. These came after "Seven Up," so did doing documentaries affect your filmmaking?
Michael: Absolutely. I had a career which was my dream. I could do drama and I could do documentaries. Whether I do dramas I try to cast people who brought something more than being good actors to it but who can bring some knowledge to it. I always went for that. For me, the way I do documentaries and the features and the films it was all much the same really. It's the reality of drama that interests me, and I grew up with that with the Italians and European cinema before that woke up Great Britain. They were every quick on the idea of making reality drama. It was a made up story but the atmosphere around it and the sort of people who were in it weren't necessarily great stage actors. They were people that brought something else to the table.
Me: So, are you going to do another one?
Michael: If God wills it, yes.
Me: I hope so.
Michael: Good. I'll let him know.
Me: Michael, it was great talking to you. Please come back again soon.
Michael: My pleasure. Those were good questions.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Michael Apted for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Wednesday with Stephanie Beatriz from "Brooklyn Nine-Nine." Spread the word, not the turd... or the virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you. bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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