Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday. How are you? It's spring break for most people... I've just learned who the first high-profile celebrity to contract coronavirus is... and people couldn't be more shook. Tom Hanks, America's stepdad who is honestly more like a biological dad because he's literally been there for us since we were kids no matter what, has tested positive for COVID-19 along with his wife, the equally iconic Rita Wilson, who is a Phile Alum I have to say. The pair are in Australia while Hanks shoots a biopic about Elvis Presley. A few people on the set of the film have tested positive for the virus. From BBC News, "All the people who were on set have gone home and self-quarantined," said Gold Coast Mayor Tom Tate. The studio behind the film, Warner Bros, said it was "working closely with the appropriate Australian health agencies to identify and contact anyone" who may have come into direct contact with the star. Hanks posted on his Instagram about the diagnosis, "We felt a bit tired, like we had colds, and some body aches," he wrote. "Rita had some chills that came and went. Slight fevers too." He added, "To play things right, as is needed in the world right now, we were tested for the coronavirus, and were found to be positive". Hanks' son Chet Haze even hopped onto Twitter to reassure us all that his dad and step-mom are "not trippin'." Of course, beloved as Hanks is, the diagnosis is hitting people hard... and hammering home the reality of the coronavirus threat. As always, panic isn't necessary, but other precautions like hand-washing and social distancing are a good idea. If the Hankses were in the U.S. with such subtle symptoms, they might not have gotten a test at all. It seems like a great premise for a Tom Hanks movie, no? We need to make sure America's other national treasures are alive and well. After Tom Hanks someone please check on Keanu, Paul Rudd and yourself.
Just look at this man, this hero, this professional athlete that deserves to go to the Super Bowl next year.
Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit on the last part, but just look at this insane screenshot! It’s the best thing I have seen in a while. This guy used a shopping cart to stop a shoplifter! Police, who? According to authorities, the Walmart shopper stepped up to help police catch the man who was on the run trying to get away. Surveillance footage shows the hero pushing the shopping car into the path of the shoplifter, which caused him to fall to the ground. The shoplifter attempts to stand up, but trips once more, as police officers finally catch up to him. What I find so hilarious about this amazing surveillance video is the accuracy of this man! I mean, it’s insane, hitting a target that is running and probably swerving is tough. But no, it worked, this man just simply pushed the cart no more than 10 feet from him and BOOM! After police arrested the criminal, the video also shows other shoppers help the hero pick up his purchases that were all thrown due to his brave actions. Police did thank the man for his help in catching the criminal. Sergeant Chris Hyatt with Peachtree City Police stated, “He was able to help us take him into custody without injury to anyone including the offender.” Police later identified the suspect at 41-year-old Marcus Smith from Forsyth, Georgia. He is charged with felony shoplifting and obstruction. Although police definitely appreciated the assistance of this man, they did want people to know that one should not feel pressured to help or step in whenever they see police running behind someone. Hyatt noted, “Don’t do anything that you aren’t comfortable with or that would put you or others in harm’s way.” Which I totally get, but come on, this is impressive! Give this man some credit.
Oh my gosh, this is so scary. As someone who has ordered food with Uber Eats, this is terrifying to me. You really don’t think about how dangerous it actually is. I mean for one, a complete stranger has your address, and two, you never know if that person is a good human being or a psycho. Like 29-year-old Thomas Alexander Gray, who was arrested for doing the unthinkable. According to authorities, Gray is facing second-degree felony charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after he pointed a loaded gun at one of his delivery customers. According to the affidavit, the Favor driver, which is a popular delivery service smartphone app, arrived at the Texas Rowing Center in Austin with the customer’s food. The customer stated the delivery driver arrived well after the initial time the app had stated. The customer had sent several texts to the driver asking about his whereabouts and his food, which is when Gray became annoyed. Gray quickly pulled into the parking lot with the food and had a semi-automatic handgun in his lap. The customer told authorities that Gray then grabbed the gun with one hand and a loaded magazine with the other. He then chambered a round, and waived the gun saying, “you wouldn’t like it if someone rushes you, would you?” Yikes, yikes, yikes. “Frozen with fear,” the customer stated Gray also said something along the lines of “you really shouldn’t rush people because it might ruin their day.” He ultimately thought he was going to be shot and killed. Luckily, Gray handed him the food and then drove away after the incident. As for Favor, the app noted it prohibits its drivers from carrying loaded guns on the job and immediately blocked the driver’s access to the app the same day after the customer reports what happened. APD detectives who were working the case attempted to contact Favor back in September when the exchange happened but did not receive a response until mid-October. But, according to KXAN, Favor app noted a detective did reach out to its customer support in late September last year with a support representative responding that same day, referring the detective to the companies safety team. The smart app says its safety team worked directly with the authorities through mid-October and eventually provided the information that identified Gray was the driver. After law enforcement officers issued a warrant for the driver, he was arrested five months after the incident on February 10th, 2020. Jail records show Gray is in custody at the Travis County Jail. Now, I hope this man stays in there for a while because fuck knows what he would do if he ever gets out. This customer must be terrified. Goes to show you that we should always double-check who is dropping our orders and well... be patient?
An Oregon mom found a Jackson Pollack tribute her kids made with crayon on one of the walls in her home and, after some Googling, found the ultimate mom hack to erase their handiwork. Jessica Hard of Medford, Oregon took to Facebook to share her glorious discovery and, as you could hear in the video, she is absolutely stunned that this seemingly random idea not only worked but worked better than pretty much anything else you could imagine using. Soap? Water? Nope. Just grab some mayo. And by the way, this isn’t just Hard’s weird idea. It’s all over YouTube. Hard’s Facebook post was shared thousands of times by impressed parents who presumably then looked to the sky and thanked God for this pro-tip getting dropped into their laps. However, there were a few parents who still had some misgivings about the idea. More specifically, they were worried about what happens once the greasy mayo sets into their drywall. One mom even said she has tried this before and, because she did not clean the mayo off after the crayon was erased, her walls were left with even more stubborn stains than the ones her kids left. So remember parents: mayo gets crayon off the walls, but you’ve got to get the mayo off after. This is hilariously random. Presumably there is some sort of scientific, chemistry based reason for this but to a layman like myself this might as well be witchcraft. Like, just go ahead and mix pigeon feet in a jar with rose petals and rat’s milk and put it on a door knob to stop it from shocking people with static electricity.
A sweet little old English grandma went to the market to pick up some tea, as an English grandma does, but unfortunately, Nan came home with a big ole box of condoms instead of some tea to enjoy with her crumpets. The English grandmother simply looking for some more teatime supplies somehow confused a bright red box of Durex condoms for a brand of tea. Her granddaughter, Gemma New, who posted about the mistake on Facebook, had the wonderful job of informing her and returning the condoms. Old people still have sex, ya know. What if the grandma bought the condoms on purpose because she’s still gettin’ it but then her granddaughter came over, was like, “OMG Nan! What are these?” and then Nan lied because she was embarrassed. This is the story I want to be true. In fact, I bet it is true! Do we really think Nan is so dumb that she doesn’t know she’s in the family planning aisle instead of the tea aisle?? She couldn’t read the word SEX on the box? That’s just insulting. This woman survived the Blitz… probably. And being the cashier for that initial transaction would have been really fun.
Journalists sometimes get information thing wrong which leads to a "funny" editorial. Like this one...
Can you even read that? Those are the lyrics to Foghat's "Slow Ride." I wonder what my dad would've thought of this. So, here's something that surmised me... you know this logo for the Brewers, right?
Do you know where the logo came from? I'll show you...
It's a "M" and a "B." That's crazy, right? You will never be able to look at that logo again. You're welcome. Hey, future kids, this is A Star Is Born...
Hahahaha. So, I mentioned Tom Hanks having the coronavirus... it just dawned on me that "The Simpsons" did it again, predicted the future.
Hahaha. Brillant. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Things Said By People Who Are Working At Home Because Of Coronavirus
5. People telling you "dress for work" when you work from home is diabolical advice. You don't have to get dressed at all, just make sure to stand a few inches from the pan when cooking.
4. That Peleton lady exercising in the sterile safety of her home doesn't look so stupid now, does she?
2. Is it self-quarantine or depression? I'll never tell.
And the number one thing said by people who are working at home because of coronavirus is...
1. She's not in quarantine, bro, that's just her alibi for ghosting you.
A California public health official warned people not to touch their faces... while licking their fingers.
If you spot the Mondphuck let me know. Hey, it's Thursday... you know what that means...
Ummmm... that's gross. Okay, so there's this girl who thinks it's still the 90s. She is not feeling well and wanted to come on to the Phile to get some advice. So, please welcome back...
Me: Hey, Jessica, how are you?
Jessica: I'm not feeling that great, Jason. So, I need a doctor, which one do I pick?
Me: What do you mean?
Jessica: Dr. Evil, J.D. and Turk, Dr. Doug Ross, Dr. Dre, Dr. Pepper or Dr. Doogie Howser?
Me: Ummmm... Jessica, you're wasting my time. They are not real doctors.
Jessica: I'm sorry, wanna see what I got from the Body Shop?
Me: Ummm... sure...?
Jessica: These bad boys...
Me: That's great. I have no idea what those are.
Jessica: Oh. Well, I'm off to Blockbuster to pull back the cover and find the relatable version of a video. What a rush.
Me: Terrific. Have fun and good luck. Jessica Enistink, the girl who still thinks it's the 90s.
President Donald Trump said yesterday he is suspending all travel between the U.S. and Europe for 30 days beginning Friday as he seeks to combat a viral pandemic. Trump made the announcement in an Oval Office address to the nation, blaming the European Union for not acting quickly enough to address the novel coronavirus and saying U.S. clusters were “seeded” by European travelers. Trump said the restrictions won’t apply to the United Kingdom and the U.S. would monitor the situation to determine if travel could be reopened earlier. Trump said, “We are marshaling the full power" of the government and private sector to protect the American people.
Unless Walt Disney World shuts down due to the coronavirus... we'll see. A prominent analyst report is predicting that Disney will be forced to close its U.S. parks due to the coronavirus. A friend of the Phile has some information that you might find useful. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Listen up, people... This info is from someone that works for CDC that passed this along to his family and friends. I'm passing it along as well.. The new NCP coronavirus may not show any sign of infection for many days, how can one know if he/she is infected? By the time someone has a fever and/or cough and goes to the hospital, the lungs is usually 50% fibrosis and it's too late. Taiwan experts provide a simple self-check that we can do every morning: Take a deep breath and hold your breath for more than 10 seconds. If you complete it successfully without coughing, without discomfort, stuffiness or tightness, etc., it proves there is no fibrosis in the lungs, basically indicating no infection. In critical times, please self-check every morning in an environment with clean air. SERIOUS EXCELLENT ADVICE by Japanese Doctors treating COVID-19 cases: Everyone should ensure your mouth and throat is moist, never DRY. Take a few sips of water every 15 minutes at least. WHY? Even if the virus gets into your mouth drinking water or other liquids will WASH them down through your esophagus into the stomach. Once there in stomach your stomach ACID will kill all the virus. If you don't drink enough water more regularly... the virus can enter your windpipes and into the LUNGS. That's very dangerous. Please send and share with family, friends and loved ones. Peace.
The 116th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Dan Aykroyd will be on the Phile this coming Wednesday.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Todays pheatured guest is an American guitarist, vocalist, songwriter, and producer. He is the lead guitarist and backing vocalist for the band Good Charlotte whose latest album "Generation Rx" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Benji Madden.
Me: Hey, Benji, welcome to the Phile. How are you, man?
Benji: Thank you very much, I am good.
Me: Okay, so, you guys played the final set in the final Warp Tour, but it came back for a few dates last year. I never went to that but wish I did. What was it like playing that show?
Benji: It was bitter sweet. It was lot of good memories. A lot of the crew have worked on that tour for 20 years. It was a lot of catching up with old friends and a lot of people we have remained close with through the years. Kevin Lyman who put the tour together and was the inventor of the Warp Tour was on every single one of them. He was kind of like the mayor. If you were on the Warp Tour Kevin walks around and checks on everyone. He's a really special guy, he stuck to his thing. He's very much into punk-rock ethos. One of the greatest guys in the music business, one of the most forward, honest, one of the good guys.
Me: What did you think when you found out that the brought the Warp Tour back for another year?
Benji: He didn't do that tour for money. He did that tour because he wanted it to be this home base for young bands who really wanted to cut their teeth and the older bands who wanted to get comeback and get in front of the young audiences, and it was the 25th anniversary. He really had that whole tour on his back the whole time. We've remained friends and done a few things together.
Me: What was it like playing those shows?
Benji: It's a fun stage, the Warp Tour stage. We all play 30 minutes, it's a throw and go, there's no sound check, make sure the gears not complicated, we're not trying to put on this Super Bowl halftime show. We threw our gear up, play for about 30 minutes. That's the thing he did for all the years, it didn't matter how big the band was, everybody played the same 30 minute set and it was random every day. There wasn't a hierarchy. Kevin decided when to put the bands on and every now and again if he read an interview that pissed him off he'd put them up at 11 a.m.
Me: Did you go on at 11 a.m. at all?
Benji: Sure. Sure. We didn't go on at 11 a.m. on that last day though.
Me: I listened to the first album and the very first track titled "Little Things" you start the album with "Yeah, this song is dedicated to every kid who ever got picked last in gym class, this is for you. To every kid who never had a date to no school dance this is for you. To everyone who's ever been called a freak..." Who were you talking to back then? Alienated kids?
Benji: Yeah. It's interesting, man, I think all of us have this young person inside of us of who we were and still are who stays however far away or close to us that we keep them. Our childhood is a lot longer than any other part of our life. Just mathematically if you think about the age of 1 to 10, when you're 10-years-old that's 10% of your life. That's the part of your life that really shapes you and molds you and I think at a certain point whether it was because it was financial to whether it was because it was self inflicted it was because we came from a rough situation in the town we were in. Everyone knew and we knew who got evicted from their house and that happened to us.
Me: What music did you listen to back then?
Benji: I think we turned to bands like Rancid and Social Distortion and the Smiths and Morrissey, and the Cure and Green Day and whatever. Whatever music that came out that time that made it okay to go buy our clothed at a thrift store and dye our hair green and feel like we were part of something.
Me: So, your music not only was aimed at any kids it was aimed at kids like you guys were, am I right?
Benji: Their were days and I remember really clearly we were riding our bus to school and we lived really far out in the country, it was a long ride. Our house at the time didn't have heat, we were just kind of like it's a long morning already, oh man, I'm about to go get my ass kicked all day and I really didn't want to go today. So I had this little Walkman or CD or cassette or whatever it was and we would just listen to this Rancid record or whatever record it was all the way until we could because it kind of ave us the confidence to that we felt we were part of something to go into school and try and do our day.
Me: What was it like when you guys started making music yourselves?
Benji: When we started making music we had only a couple of goals. One was that we really wanted to get our mom a house. That was the number one reason we were trying to have success with our band.
Me: Really? You guys are good. Haha.
Benji: Yeah, and anything passed that was bonus.
Me: So, did you get your mom a house? I take it you did.
Benji: Yeah, first check I got I got my mom a house.
Me: I bet that was a good feeling.
Benji: It was a good feeling, man.
Me: So, was there another reason you wanted to have success with the band?
Benji: Yeah, the other reason was the we went into the studio it was like "Little Things" from our first album. If you dig through our catalogue you'd find moments on our records we're really trying to reach out to the kids who are on a bus, on a freezing morning, who doesn't have any money, who's not going to eat lunch today, who's is listening to that record to get him through the day. Maybe that record reaches him and maybe it doesn't but we're really mind of sending those SOS's out there, just they're messages in a bottle. On every record we kind of create a couple of moments where we kind of try to reach out to that kid who is listening for the same reason I was. Letting them know that life gets better, they'd get through this period if they tough it out, don't make it make you a hateful person, don't let it change you, stay who you are, be yourself, and they're going to get through this, they're going to do something incredible if they choose to.
Me: Do people ever come up to you and say a certain song changed their lives or changed their lives?
Benji: Man, it's still to this day happens all the time and it's even with a younger crowd now. I have 16, 17, 18-year-old kids come up and it's funny because the stories don't change. Social media has come along, the world changes, we're living in a crazy time now. I've never seen anything like it. The world continues to go through phases and go through changes but humans don't change, we all have this painful existence at some point in our life. I still get those stories all the time and it's still awesome to connect with people in the moment.
Me: What was the biggest achievement Good Charlotte has had in your opinion?
Benji: Our band has never won Grammy, we never had a number one record, we've come close a few times. I think we always hovered around the third or fourth place and we've always been okay with it. For me I think the thing that we could be proud of is I feel like how many small group of people it was we really I think connected on a deeper level with people and I think that's what we set out to do. We got our mom a house and I think we did that.
Me: I love the new album "Generation Rx," man. I love the song "Actual Pain." What is that song about?
Benji: It's not funny, it's interesting. Lil Peep was a fan of our band, who was a great rapper, a great singer and a great musician who I think was really innovative artist who hadn't really barely gotten started. I felt that he was a leader of kind of like new wave and was just really innovative. He was a fan of our band and kind of reached out and told us he'd grown up on us and our music meant something to him. We had started becoming friendly and we were talking about the possibility of a tour and some ways to collaborate. Just kind of making contact and becoming friendly. He passed away. It's interesting because it really, really struck me so hard. Unfortunately I've had a few friends pass away from drug overdoses though the years. As the years go on it's very interesting, I think it's not to down play anyone who is younger, but when someone is in their 20s or is a teenager I don't know if it hits them as hard. I feel like the older I get I just value life a little more in a way. I remember doing things that now I would never do. I just think as we get older we start to realize how fragile life is and it could be just gone in a second because we have some of these experiences. I remember the day I found out I went home and told my wife and even she was struck by it. It was just really heartbreaking. Me and Joel and the band were just really kind of speechless. We couldn't quite figure out why of course it was really sad but it was almost like someone we were extremely close to and a part of our family had passed away. It really struck us down. His mom reached out and asked us to do something special for his memorial. So we did a cover of a song of his called "Awful Things." After that kind of experience we went into the studio and I think that Peep's death really touched a chord for us because I think we maybe hadn't fully dealt with some of our friends who had passed away.
Me: So, you think all that stuff started to come out?
Benji: Yeah, I think so. Man, I think when we're young we keep moving. We shed a tear, we sit with or friends and we talk about how amazing these people were. But we keep moving because it's too painful to stop and go wow, man, this person is not here anymore. So I think it stirred up some things and I think Joel was right, we got to get some of this stuff out.
Me: So, what's there future for Good Charlotte?
Benji: I'd like to see us make a couple more records. I'd like to make one that really pushes forward and really that we grow and really do something maybe a little more ambitious. Then I'd like to do something that is maybe a throwback.
Me: Benji, thanks for being on the Phile. Best of luck. Please come back again.
Benji: Thanks.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Benji Madden. The Phile will be back on Wednesday with Dan Aykroyd. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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