Hi, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? So, at this point in the 2020 Democratic nomination race, I thought I'd become jaded. No matter how bizarre, ridiculous, or infuriating the news was, I assumed it wouldn't provoke a genuine emotional response. Then I watched a clip of Joe Biden talking about a 1962 incident in which he sparred with a (possibly fictional) gangster named Corn Pop and realized I was mistaken. It made me feel many things, including confused, high, and... most importantly... entertained. It all started when Michael Harriott of the Root mentioned Biden's now-legendary anecdote on Twitter, which is recounted in his autobiography Promises to Keep: On Life and Politics. It's also featured in a Washington Post piece. It prompted someone to locate the 2017 clip where Biden tells the story in his own, befuddling words at a dedication ceremony for the Joseph R. Biden Jr. Aquatic Center in Wilmington, Delaware. To be fair, others have corroborated elements of the story, so it's probably not 100% fabricated; but the details are hilariously specific, especially when Biden delivers them. To be fair, Corn Pop does sound like the name of the main villain in the Joe Biden Cinematic Universe. Just when Joe Biden is at the part of the story where he can shift gears to save it all and start making sense, he starts talking about how "Corn Pop was a bad dude."
You already know and love James Corden's work thanks to "The Late Late Show." Since landing the prestigious gig in 2015, the British comedian has wowed audiences with his hosting skills, cheery persona, and Carpool Karaoke bits. But Friday night he diverted from his usual programming by addressing a recent segment on "Real Time with Bill Maher." Corden responded to Maher's editorial segment in which the controversial comedian called for a fat-shaming "comeback," saying, "Some amount of shame is good." Corden challenged the notion that fat-shaming ever disappeared, saying, "Fat-shaming never went anywhere... ask literally any fat person. We are reminded of it all the time. On airplanes, on Instagram, when someone leaves a pie on the window sill to cool and they give us a look like, 'Don't you dare!'" "We know that being overweight isn't good for us and I've struggled my entire life trying to manage my weight and I suck at it," the host divulged in a refreshingly candid moment. Bravo, James!
From "Desperate Housewives" to "Orange is the New Black." Felicity Huffman has been sentenced to 14 days in jail after she admitted to paying $15,000 to boost her daughter's SAT score. She also must pay a $30,000 fine and do community service, which would look great on a college application. Unlike Lori "Aunt Becky" Loughlin, Huffman plead guilty, and the Court is hoping that a Scaramucci in jail would deter others for doling out bribes. "In the context of this case," prosecutors in the sentencing recommendation, "neither probation nor home confinement (in a large home in the Hollywood Hills with an infinity pool) would constitute meaningful punishment or deter others from committing similar crimes." While two weeks in jail might seem like a lot for somebody who has been to both the Emmys and the Oscars, people on Twitter are arguing that it reeks of white privilege. Crystal Mason, a mother in Texas, was sentenced to five years for voting despite being ineligble. Mothers have gone to prison for trying to give their kids good educations. Alvin Kennard, much like Jean Valjean, was in prison for decades for stealing from a bakery. Anand Giriharadas, who literally wrote a book on rich people's bullshit, argues that the sentence amounts to a simple slap on the wrist. Fourteen days isn't a lot, but it isn't nothing. Most famous criminals don't get punished... more often then not, they become president.
Before we criticize the folks on Twitter for looking for fake reasons to be outraged (something that has been known to happen), let's recall the time that Melania Trump wore a jacket that said "I don't really care, Do U?" on her way to visit a detention center housing children separated from their families by her husband's administration. So it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility that she would do something as tactless as wearing a dress featuring an image of a plane crashing into a building while visiting a 9/11 memorial on the anniversary of the historic tragedy. Still, sporting 9/11-themed fashion on 9/11 seems like a shockingly bad judgment, even for the woman who married Donald Trump. And yet... when Donald Trump shared this photo of him and Melania at the 9/11 memorial, people could not help but zone in on the back of her dress... and wonder.
People quickly called Trump out on Twitter for making the tragedy about him and his propaganda. While many others also pointed out the suspicious stitching on the back of Melania's dress. I need to see a close up of the dress...
As several have noted, even if the image on the dress was not intentional, it was probably a bad idea to wear this particular dress on this particular day. While some seem to think it's intentional and are comparing it to the "I really don't care, Do U?" fiasco. Other Twitter users are defending the stitching, calling the comparison to a tower purely accidental. White House spokeswoman Stephanie Grisham called the accusations "ridiculous," which could be true or could be a straight-up lie; there's absolutely no way to know. But even if the offensive image on the dress was intentional, it will be forgotten by tomorrow and replaced with yet another scandal. What an exhausting few years it's been. Wake me up in 2021, please.
The American Airlines Arena will be no more as the airline giant’s naming rights will expire later this year and don’t plan to renew. The highest bid thus far comes from a site many of us are familiar with but not exactly one you’d expect a stadium to be named after, which is why thus story is hilarious. Popular porn website BangBros has placed a $10 million bid to rename the arena The Bang Bros Center, of BBC. Here’s the press release from the company...
Talk about finally a decent halftime show. So, instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
Ummm... maybe not. If I had a TARDIS I would try and meet George Harrison again. This time knowing my luck he'd be having a conversation with Eric Clapton.
Haha. So, ex-National Security Advisor James Bolton went back to where he came from this week...
Haha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...
Haha. So, there's some odd children's books out there...
So, you know I live in Florida, right? Well, there's stuff that happens in Florida that really couldn't happen nowhere else in the Universe.
Chris Foerester is probably having a field day right now at the beaches in Florida right now. Cocaine being brought ashore in Southern Florida is not by any stretch of the imagination rare, but this time, it’s not being brought by smugglers, but rather Hurricane Dorian. Florida police found multiple bricks of cocaine on two Florida beaches in the last few weeks, washed up via waves from the massive Category 5 storm. A beachgoer at Paradise Beach Park in Melbourne, Florida flagged down an officer upon finding a brick wrapped in plastic. A photo shows the 1 kilo brick with the word “diamant” written on the front.
According to CBS News, the police also found 25 kilos of cocaine at Cocoa Beach, 20 miles north of where the other brick was found. A police sergeant told NBC News that 15 bricks of cocaine were found in a duffel bag there and handed over to U.S. Customs and Border Protection.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Speaking of Mindphucks... in the last entry I put this pic up at the bottom of the entry...
Eagle-eyed readers spotted that I had my t-shirt inside out. I didn't notice until I saw the pic. The sad thing is I went out with the t-shirt looking that way. Hahahaha. I'm an idiot. So, yeah, that's a Mindphuck. Good job, people. Okay, so there's a local teacher who likes to check in and tell us how his day is going. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, Mr. Cylancde, how are you?
Mr. Cylance: I'm good, Jason, thanks for asking. How are you?
Me: I'm okay. So, how has teaching been lately? Anything exciting?
Mr. Cylance: Well, I had a student run up to me and sat that someone had been stabbed in the girls room.
Me: What? That's not good. Why are you smiling?
Mr. Cylance: It turns out that a 5th grader had started their period. She later got the talk when she got home.
Me: Ugh. I did not need to know that.
Mr. Cylance: Sorry. Alright, got to get back to class. See ya.
Me: Mr. Cylance, the happiest teacher around, kids.
If you or someone you know is experiencing substance abuse, call the National Drug Helpline at 1-844-289-0879.
Eddie Money
March 21st, 1949 — September 13th, 2019
One way ticket to paradise.
T. Boone Pickens
May 22nd, 1928 — September 11th, 2019
Slimmer Pickens. Much slimmer.
The 105th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Ben Folds will be the guest on the Phile next Thursday.
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'll die for you." The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"
Today's pheatured guests are two members of the Canadian indie rock band Metric whose latest album "Art of Doubt" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Jimmy Shaw and Emily Haines.
Me: Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile. How are you doing?
Emily: Hi. I love this blog.
Me: Thanks. You guys did the Smashing Pumpkins reunion tour last year. How was that?
Emily: It was intense.
Jimmy: It was long. It was over forty shows. Can you name forty American cities?
Me: Sure, if you made me. Orlando...
Emily: Spiral into trivia hole.
Me: Hahaha. Was it fun to open for the band or any band?
Emily: Actually we have a policy and are open to that stuff. When an opportunity comes along why not. When that one came up it was wow, this is perfect timing. It was kinda a weird way to test out our new material in front of 15,000 people but it was great because they didn't care one way or another.
Jimmy: Yeah, they didn't know if we were playing "Breathing Under Water" or not.
Emily: Yeah, we said great, let's play the new record.
Me: So, do you normally test out songs this way?
Jimmy: Well, this is more like the tour we did three years ago or four years ago before "Pagans in Vegas," or around the release of "Pagans in Vegas." We were still working on bunch of other music, most of that didn't go on "Pagans in Vegas" which is sort of a processor to the "Choir of the Mind" record. Then once the "Choir of the Mind" record was wrapped up then we became writing in earnest what became "Art in Doubt." When we took the Pumpkins tour we were basically road testing a bunch of music. The record was already done.
Me: So it wasn't like you were testing the music out and seeing if the songs would work or not?
Emily: The time line would be pretty impossible.
Jimmy: It could be true. We could've put the songs up on Soundcloud.
Me: What do you mean when you said you were road testing it?
Jimmy: Well, we are always looking for something from the audience in some regards. We are just wondering if it's resonating or not resonating. If it's not what are we doing wrong. If it is what are we doing right and can we do more of it and can we move it over to the songs that aren't going so well. Playing for people who aren't our fans is really interesting and highly indicative to what's working and what is not working because they have no prejudice, they did not come to hear a specific song or not a specific song. They're just kinda getting comfortable and they're open. So we can see when something is working or not working.
Emily: Yeah, you're soundtracking their reactions.
Me: So, I think you care what the fans think, right? A lot of bands don't I believe.
Emily: Yeah, I think the only reason we've been able to make seven albums and have an incredible and privilege career in music is because of that attitude. There's so much respect on our part for the listener. The alternative just doesn't sound like a good time to me and we all know that's the only reason I'm in this for.
Me: Hahaha. I love the song "Now or Never" from the new album. I love the lyrics "It hurts to turn the radio on, stamina's gone, my spirit is weak." Then later "I'm fine to sit and stare at the door, can't run any more, too weary to stand." Those two phrases stuck out to me. What is that song about?
Emily: Well, I'm glad those words connected with you first of all. As we were saying that's kind of the point. The over arch meaning and feeling of that song is about the moment when I actually have run out of alternatives to taking action. Actually when I was working on one of our newsletters I tried to describe it and found myself writing like when I don't have he luxury of eventually. I think everyone experienced that in their life in many different forms. It definitely has nothing to do with being a musician or having the kinda life I have. It's everyone I think. Where someone could try to tell their selves it's improving or they're fixing it, there's something in people's lives where they have to say is not getting fixed. I need to start right this second in another direction. People deal with it with addiction or relationships or thinking about climate change. It's a lot of things that apply to them.
Me: Is this something that happened to you personally, Emily?
Emily: Well, it's not too personal at all. I think the whole that I made I'm opening myself to that question. But it's like everything the lyric's that end up on Metric records. It's about everything, it's not me trying to be grandiose. It really is if you're standing for something politically, if you have views and values that you're gonna at some point act on maybe when is that now...? It goes all the way through things in my own development as a person and my personal relationships and all that stuff we all deal with like it's no more personal than any other song. I get this question a lot because I think people have the perception that my solo records are like REALLY personal and that Metric is less and it's just not. I'm just constantly writing and things end up in certain places. With Metric and the lyrics it's definitely the four of us have talked about this... everything I've been saying and it's like relating not just to me, it's something the guys are also expressing through me.
Me: Jimmy, I don't know much about your prior music with Metric, is this album similar to your other records? Do people ask you that?
Jimmy: Yeah, we were hearing them from within the studio while we were making the record. We were well aware what was going on. One of the things we did intentionally was we sort of went back to the way the band played in the beginning in the studio.
Me: What do you mean?
Jimmy: We haven't really made a record since "Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?" and "Live it Out" where we really just mic up everything in the room and play like a rock band. A lot of the records, the three after that, started to get more produced, things were getting overdubbed a lot, things were getting made by machines, there were a lot of electronics happening, they were a lot of different production styles happening. All things I think are great, I'm not knocking any of that process but we sort of during the "Pagans in Vegas" touring process we started realizing that one of the things we've been missing in the studio for a while is what happens on stage. What happens on stage really is the core of what the band is. We started having conversations like "I wonder what if the quintessential Metric fan if their favorite thing would be a record or a concert." And it seemed like it started to be the answer from within the band that the most Metric thing is what happens on stage. And records started to become the expression of this idea, and the expression of that idea. What we wanted to do was capture that thing that happens on stage. The first thing we did is realised we were gonna need an outside producer because me having the producer hat and guitar hat and co-writer hat and band member hat is not going to work in that content.
Me: This is the first time that you didn't produce a Metric album in three albums, right?
Jimmy: Yeah, we've brought other people in but I've always co-done it with them.
Me: Is that hard for you?
Jimmy: I would say yes it is, but for some reason I just did it over and over and over again so it wasn't that hard.
Me: I mean was it hard for you to not be the producer of the record.
Jimmy: It was the best thing ever. It was amazing. When we called Justin Meldal-Johnsen we went to Los Angeles actually with Social Scene we did a couple of shows with them. And we sort of tagged team the trip with meeting Justin for the first time.
Me: Have you heard of him before?
Jimmy: Yeah, he was sort of the OG bass player in Beck's band forever and had a lot to do with what Beck did for a long time. He also made the M83 records which are huge for me and a slew of a million other things.
Me: When you met him for the first time what was that like?
Jimmy: His first question when we sat down was, "So, I'm sitting here with Metric and I'm wondering what am I doing here. Why are you guys calling me?" And I said, "Are you saying that in reference that I produced a lot of these records?" He said, "That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're a producer and you're asking me to come and meet you so what do you want?" I said, "I wanna join the band, I don't want to be on the other side of the glass. I don't want to tell anybody else what to do, I don't want to think about anybody else's parts, I just want to play the guitar." And he said, "Yeah, I could do that. No problem." That's kinda what happened and the four of us in a way kinda got back together, I feel people can kinda hear it and we definitely went through that process in the studio with him on the other side of the glass, sort of propping us up for the first time. We never really had anyone on the other side of the window yelling at us like, "You guys are amazing!" It's never really happened with us before, it's always just us. We lead a small little life, we don't have a record company, there's really no outside forces in the Metric world. We're kinda hard on each other and don't have a lot of people propping us up so having him kinda do that with his pedigree was huge for us. It just kinda reminded us that we're a band. And we can do it, so we just did it.
Me: Emily, did it feel like the band got back together to you?
Emily: Yeah, for sure. A lot of it was that we were just all there for everything because the practical side of keeping a band like ours afloat for fifteen years. It's so unromantic the reality of how much work it is and the number of people that we, even in a small organization like ours, that we're accountable to and considering and our road crew and all this stuff is a lot. For us to keep things afloat I think one of the things we realize is okay, let's not fly in Josh because that will save some time. Really on the interest of pragmatism to get stuff done we kind of hollowed out the essence of the band which is just the four of us were there for every single moment. There were times when this was stupid, Joules is playing the tambourine but it's the only way for everyone to be part of it, otherwise what are we going to do, get briefed on the tambourine track, how it went. Like if we go to far too long like that we end up where there's no ill will for everyone loves each other but we just can't catch up. So in this case everyone was there for every single thing. At least for me it made it way more challenging and way more like I was performing for my band. Aside for the respect for the listener I do this for the three of them. That's who I hold the highest standards.
Me: How long has the band been together?
Emily: Me and Jimmy since '98. Josh and Joules we met them in 2000.
Me: Can you imagine starting over now?
Jimmy: I can't to be honest with you. It's not like it's not happening, there's so much music being made. People are rising up and doing amazing things, having careers. Its not like no one can have a career anymore. But the way that we did it doesn't exist anymore.
Me: What do you mean?
Jimmy: Well, we did it pre-Internet. That's just the truth.
Emily: We put up a poster. I can't explain that to anyone now. I don't understand it. But the Eagles just put up a poster. Everything somehow we found each other. I have the same feeling about meeting anyone in general, it's like I don't know how all humanity did it up until now but we have more ability to meet each other exactly and it's only gotten harder. The same thing applies for like I really feel for bands starting out who feel like they have to have so many Instragram followers just to get out the door. Then how do they in terms of promoting it find their people? For us in New York and L.A. I remember going to Kinko's, photocopying a poster, I put it up and people came. Then the next week it was twenty and that's how we built a career. I'm sure people do it that way now but I feel for the next generation. It's challenging.
Me: Well, I am glad I got to meet you guys and I like the new record. Please come back again soon.
Emily: Thanks, Jason.
Jimmy: Thank you.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jimmy and Emily from Metric. The Phile will be back on Thursday with actor Michael McGlone. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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