Pheaturing Michael Diamond And Adam Horovitz

I can't stand rockin' when I'm in here 'cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear. So while you sit back and wonder why I got this fuckin' thorn in my side. Oh my god, it's a mirage I'm tellin' y'all, it's sabotage. Hahaha. I'm so stupid. Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? I'm doing okay, excited for this entry of the Phile but really sore from my procedure a week ago. Anyway, let's start with a crazy story about a parent group boycotting Toy Story 4 because it includes a lesbian couple. Pixar's highly-anticipated Toy Story 4 was released two months ago and is still showing in theaters across the globe. The franchise's latest installment has received positive reviews and grossed $677.8 million worldwide so far. But one parent group isn't pleased with the film and is calling for a boycott, as it portrays a same-sex couple and their child. One Million Moms is circulating a petition to boycott the feature based on one element: it briefly depicts lesbian parents. That nod to inclusion was enough to set off the interest group, which vows to eradicate the "trash in today's media." Said trash is, for whatever reason, often LGBTQ-themed. Their petition reads, "WARNING! Toy Story 4 has just hit cinemas, but one thing we did not expect to see was LGBTQ characters. No matter how insignificant to the overall story they were, Disney still felt it was necessary to include them. At the start of the movie, when Woody’s new owner Bonnie goes for her first day of kindergarten, in the background there is a quick scene where one child is dropped off by two moms. Later, the moms return to pick up their child who gives them a hug. The scene is subtle in order to desensitize children. But it is obvious that the child has two mothers, and they are parenting together." A family doing family stuff? Quelle horreur! "Not to mention there was a brief comment made about not hiding in a closet also in the movie. Some children may not catch this reference, but it was extremely unnecessary as with the lesbian couple. Both were brief and didn’t need to be included since it didn’t add to the story plot at all. These 'blink and you will miss' moments were included strictly to push an agenda." And they continued, "Toy Story 4 is the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon. It is extremely common yet unnecessary. Disney has decided once again to be politically correct versus providing family-friendly entertainment. Disney should stick to entertaining instead of pushing an agenda and exposing children to controversial topics. TAKE ACTION Sign our Petition stating you will continue to no longer trust Disney since their actions have veered away from family-friendly entertainment. And please share!" Of course these people push for "family-friendly" media as long as that media doesn't depict families different from theirs. Newsflash: same-sex couples raise children and create loving family units. It's not news and it's not something to be scared of, or discourage. Disney's inclusion of a same-sex couple wasn't central to the story, so... why challenge it so vehemently? One Million Moms doth protest too much, methinks. I'm not alone in that assessment. What a bunch of homophobes.
Hola! Can you say "creepy"? A critic for The Hollywood Reporter is bummed that the movie based on a cartoon for toddlers lacks sexuality. The new movie Dora and the Lost City of Gold follows the young bilingual Indiana Jones as a 16-year-old rather than 10-year-old, and critic Todd McCarthy wished it was based on Euphoria and not, you know, Dora the Explorer. McCarthy called the children's movie for children "A story about hormonal teens aimed at little kids," and seemed to wish that it had sexual tension in addition to a talking monkey. After running through the (completely bonkers) plot, McCarthy turned to the actors' "mature vibes." Isabela Moner, who plays Dora, is 18, and her co-star Jeff Wahlberg is 19. So, why aren't they boning? The review reads, "There's a palpable gap you can't help but notice between the essentially innocent, borderline-pubescent nature of the leading characters and the film itself, and the more confident and mature vibes emanating from the leading actors. The director seems to be trying to keep the hormones at bay, but there are some things you just can't disguise, perhaps human nature first and foremost. Dora seems committed to projecting a pre-sexualized version of youth, while throbbing unacknowledged beneath the surface is something a bit more real, its presence rigorously ignored. To be believed, this story should have been set in 1955." Methinks that Mr. McCarthy is the one trying to keep his "hormones at bay," with his talk of sexuality "throbbing unacknowledged beneath the surface." Most kids movies project "a pre-sexualized version of youth," my dude, seeing as they're intended for pre-sexualized youth audiences. The review is being ripped apart on Twitter and no, not in a sexual way, you perv. I, for one, hope that this guy doesn't review Cats.
Tomi Lahren is a professional troll... I mean conservative commentator who often spews hateful rhetoric from her perch at Fox News, where hateful rhetoric gets to be called "news." Saying offensive things is basically her job description. But recent comments Lahren made about Senator and Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris were considered too offensive even for conservatives. Multiple conservatives, including "Fox Nation" host Britt McHenry, called her out. And Tomi Lahren is not above apologizing for her wrongs... when the people who pay her might get angry. “Kamala did you fight for ideals or did you sleep your way to the top with Willie Brown?” reads Lahren's tweet, which references Harris’s relationship in the '90s with Willie Brown, the California Assembly speaker who went on to become mayor of San Francisco. This tweet was so sexist it offended her contemporaries, which is no small feat. “Do you have any idea how damaging this is to women who’ve actually been sexually harassed, assaulted or demeaned in the workplace?” McHenry tweeted back at her. “How much this weakens our own gender, regardless of partisanship. My goodness.” Other conservatives called her comment "completely inappropriate." Lahren has not deleted her initial tweet, but she did apologize, kind of, claiming that she used the "wrong choice of words." Her apology has been met with a lot of pushback from the left, including people who are pointing out that her recent comments about migrant parents were far worse. And those people didn't get an apology. Others are pointing out that she only apologizes when money is involved and/or when other conservatives call her out. Nice try, Tim Tams.
There are few pastimes that clear the skin of science lovers more than dragging an outspoken anti-vaxxer. The uptick in loud and proud anti-vaxxers in recent years is far more insidious than other woo-woo trends, as this strain of misinformation presents a full-on public health threat. To add to the very real existential threat, anti-vaxxers routinely defend their position with arguments that are glaringly self-contradicting. There was of course, the concerned anti-vax mom who asked how to protect her son from measles and was frustrated when she received endless suggestions to vaccinate him. There was also the mother of five who said her children don't need vaccines to be protected, because they will be protected like Jesus was. This was quickly shut down by someone who pointed out that Jesus died by way of rusty nails, which could also coincidentally kill an unvaccinated child. Now, on a similar Jesus-themed anti-vaxx train, a woman is getting roasted for donning a shirt that reads, "Spoiler Alert: Jesus wasn't vaccinated." Here is the pic...

People were quick to note that Satan also was unvaccinated, and this argument truly holds no spiritual or scientific water. Mostly, people pointed out the fact that Jesus died young, and likely from Tetanus. He also definitely didn't have a Twitter account or novelty t-shirts, but that's a whole different conversation altogether. Technically, Jesus died twice, but also the woman's comparison between herself and Jesus struck people funny. At the time of writing this, the woman featured wearing the shirt doesn't appear to have responded to the thread (and it's entirely possible she hasn't seen it). But if she does decide to engage, there are a whole lot of talking points to address.
Speaking of t-shirts... Blake Rajahn, a 6-year-old elementary school student at North Fayette Elementary in Fayette County, Georgia, has experienced bullying in school. When his mother Nikki, who runs a custom t-shirt company, said she'd make him any shirt he wanted for the first day of school, he thought for a while and said, "will you please make me a shirt that says 'I will be your friend." Nikki explained it in a Facebook post that's going viral you read this. Nikki wrote, "I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything... a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, "will you please make me a shirt that says 'I will be your friend' for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?" Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake!" Blake says, "I want to make sure that kids that are are bullied know they have a friend already." And now I'm gonna cry in my iced mocha. #stopbullying.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...

Actually I bet its pretty good. If I had a TARDIS I would probably end up on a side of a boat getting attacked by a giant octopus...

Ha. That's crazy. I was thinking of getting a tattoo but someone had the same idea I had...

Guess I won't get that one now. Oh well. So, last week I think it was Trump claimed that he was "down there" with the 9/11 first responders. I'm not one who usually agrees with what he says but I think he was right. Here's proof...

When Trump was in Britain a while ago this Brits sure had some really clever anti-Trump signs.

Hmmmm. Ivanka Trump has a habit of showing up at places she's not wanted.

That's Michael Jordan, right? Her brother, Don Jr. has a book coming out titled Triggered: How The Left Thrives On Hate And Wants To Silence Us. That wasn't the original title of the book though.

"Tree Son." I love it!!! So, I finally saw the first episode of the third season of "Stranger Things" and I thought they really changed it up this time...

So, John Mayer is a really good guitarist but did you know he also plays a slug? No? Look...

Hahaha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...

Wanna laugh?

A man and his wife went to the London Zoo and noticed the gorilla had a hard on as he looked at the wife. The husband said, "Lift up your skirt, flash your knickers and tease him!" She did and the ape went mental. "Now get your tits out!" She did and the ape went berserk. The husband opened the cage and pushed the wife in. "Now try telling him that you've got a fucking headache!"

Hahahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, there's this guy who loves the 9os so much he thinks it's still the 90s. He wanted to stop by the Phile and show us something. So, here once again is...

Me: Hey, Ed, how are you doing?

Ed: I'm fantastic, dude. So, you wear a fancy watch, right?

Me: Not really fancy, it's an Apple Watch, and yeah, I wear it sometimes. Why?

Ed: I have a watch just like it. Look...

Me: Ummm... that's great. The time is a little bit off though.

Ed: That's funny. Alright, man, I'm not off to see this movie about talking toys.

Me: Oh, Toy Story 4?

Ed: No, there's now "4" in the title. It's a brand new movie called just Toy Story. I doubt they'll make a second one let alone a fourth. See ya, man.

Me: Ed Enistick, the guy who lives in the 90s, kids.

Left Bank
What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Hahahaha. There's this guy who acts so tough, I don't think he really is but he wanted to come on to the Phile to say one thing. So, here is...

Me: Hello, Martin, what do you have to say? I hope it's quick as I still have to do the Trump Talk pheature before the Mike D and Ad-Rock interview.

Martin: Flick my man tits.

Me: Okay, that was really, really stupid. A total waste of my time. Martin Masculinity, the toughest man alive, kids.

Looks like our president is at it again, saying insensitive nonsense! One of the job requirements of the President of the United States is that he must be able to behave like a mature adult in the wake of a national tragedy, or in this case, national tragedies. Every president before him has been able to conjure up condolences and support for families impacted by tragedy, while offering words of encouragement, hope and a possible solution for the future. This week has been a tough one for our country as a 21-year-old man in El Paso, Texas opened fire in a Walmart and killed twenty people while injuring many more. Then, less than 24 hours later, nine people were killed in the Entertainment District of Dayton, Ohio when a 24-year-old man killed eight people and injured more. Instead of finding the common theme of both of these incidents which were young white men who shouldn't have access to guns, Trump said this...

Okay, sounds good, Mr. President! Honestly, off to a great start, here! You're talking about getting background checks for purchasing and carrying guns, which sounds like you're on a path to gun reform...

Nope. And now you've failed. What sort of legislation would be able to "marry" gun reform and immigration reform? They're very separate issues. Also, both of these shooters were white, American citizens. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Sigh.

Okay, this is so friggin' cool. Today's pheatured guests are two American rappers who were the founding members of the hip hop group Beastie Boys. Their book The Beastie Boys Book is the 102nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Michael Diamond and Adam Horovitz!!

Me: Hey, guys, welcome to the Phile! I'm so excited that you guys are here. How are you?

Adam: Hi, Jason, I'm good.

Michael: Hey, there.

Me: I have to tell you that I met you guys before in Orlando in the late 80s. You were so cool to my dad, and I was so nervous seeing you. I thought you'd guys would be acting crazy and have all this girls with you but instead you guys were drinking milk, water and a soda I think and were so quiet and respectful.

Michael: Yeah, I remember that. Your dad and Foghat were amazing. We have a Foghat 8-track in the "Hey Ladies" video, and a song called "Slow Ride" on the "License to Ill" album, but we couldn't get permission to sample Foghat's "Slow Ride."

Me: Yeah, that would've rocked. Michael, you met Adam Yauch at a Bad Brains concert. Were you a Bad Brains fan?

Michael: I only knew Bad Brains from the "Pay to Cum" 7 inch which I would play all the time in my bedroom at home in Manhattan on the Upper West Side. I would listen to it all the time and I was so excited going to this show with the only two friends I had at work who were also into punk rock or whatever.

Me: So, what was the show like that night?

Michael: Well, we go down there and it's this little teeny bar, it's not even a club with the proper PA, the stage was maybe one foot off the ground. And so the night I would never forget. Hahahaha. We got to see this incredible band making louder, faster, tighter, more incredible music with Bad Brains and twelve other people. It was completely mind-blowing and going out into the city was funny at that time, New York City is a big city and it's not like there were a lot of other 15-year-olds into Bad Brains. I walked into the room and there was only one other kid there to see Bad Brains. And so and that was Adam Yauch.

Me: What kinda kid were you back then, Michael?

Michael: I was a pretty shy introverted teenager. I wouldn't probably talk to him except Jon Barry who was the very first Beastie Boys guitar player, he was a little more socially confident. So he started to talk to Adam about music or whatever. We probably talked for an awkward fifteen minutes and then the band played. It was probably enough that John and he exchanged phone numbers.

Me: When I read the book I thought it was weird that you guys as kids were running around New York. I grew up on Long Island and would go into the city quite a bit, and vaguely remember the pre-Guilliani days. What was it like for you guys back then?

Michael: It was pretty ironic thing we talk about it. I talk about it with friends that grew up there because I can't figure to out 'cause New York when we grew up was much more of a dangerous place than it is now but it was also kinda a common thing. It's like how we were raised in New York at that time was also we had a lot more freedom, This whole thing, like parents really micro managing their kids, I don't know at least with anybody I knew it just didn't exist. It existed someplace some where but not in our world.

Me: Can you imagine, Michael, you're a dad, can you imagine your kids having the freedom to do that?

Michael: No, but I still go through it in terms of giving them freedom. I have to think back on those times. but no, it doesn't. Some of that freedom really doesn't exist the same way anymore.

Me: In the book you said the song "Hold It Now, Hit It" was the song that changed everything. In the song you shout out to "surgeon general cut professor DJ Thigs." Who is that, Adam?

Adam: He was just some dude that Run DMC knew. And we needed a DJ so Russell Simmonds who was our...

Michael: It was Run who was all enthusiastic. It was Run who said this guy was gonna be our DJ... 

Adam: He said we got this guy Thigs, Thigs is gonna be your DJ. We're like okay, we met him before. And then we ended up meeting him one tome and he did one show that we played at a gig at a club in Queens called Encore, where we opened for Curtis Blow and it was a crazy show. Actually he just pressed play on a cassette recorder. That's all he did.

Michael: Well, it kinda turned out that Run was really excited for him to be our DJ. But it turned out he really didn't DJ.

Adam: We've had several DJ's that didn't know how to DJ. I mean you just play a record.

Me: Why was "Hold It Now, Hit It" just a transformative song though?

Michael: How it changed for us I think before that we just left on trying to sound like other rappers, and sound like either records that were happening. We loved rap, and just like anybody else we learnt how to rap just by copying other records, like doing verses from other records. And so somehow "Hold It Now, Hit It," I don't know what it was. It was just literally being able to go crazy and wild in that studio, we kinda just fucking around we found that we somehow accidentally stumbled upon something.

Adam: And it started getting played on the radio. So we had a few singles out and that was cool but this was people were actually listening to it on the radio outside of New York even. And that was major.

Michael: Also it was at that time it was not like we had a video for it. Initially we made a video for it but at first there was not a video for it so no one knew what we looked like. It was just this record that people knew and nobody knew who the Beastie Boys were or that it was these three white kids that rapped or whatever. It was just this record.

Me: When I first heard of you guys was when "License to Ill" had blown up and you guys went to the U.K. where I was living and news reports in England said shit like the Beastie Boys, the nasiest group in the world and you put shit on hotel walls and Adam, you were crying in jail when you were arrested. So, when I met you guys in April of '88 I expected craziness in the hotel bar where my dad and I met you but instead you guys were crazy. So, Adam, what's the story?

Adam: We were nasty but not like they meant. Super nasty, if you know what I mean.

Me: So, did you smear shit on hotel walls?

Adam: That happened but we weren't involved in any way, but there was thing that did happen that didn't involve us. Someone put poop on someone's door of a hotel. 

Michael: Not any of our doors.

Adam: No member of our group or our entourage for the matter.

Me: So, Adam, did you spend several hours crying in police custody?

Adam: No, and you know what I say there... that's anti-Semitic. They're hating right away a "Horovitz," do you see that? Ha ha. Yeah, I am the tough guy obviously and yes, I cried for hours. Did they say hours? I didn't cry. You know, I can't think of a time where I spend several hours of crying. I guess maybe I have, but that's a long cry.

Michael: Adam is still working through hours and hours of crying.

Me: What was that like for you, going to the U.K., blowing up, and reports that you guys are mocking children and Adam is throwing full bottles of beer in someone's face?

Adam: It's fucking weird.

Michael: Yeah. Honestly that's where things went from real to surreal. We were on tour before that in the U.S. and it was like whoa, this is completely crazy that we went from a hardcore band, then we loved rap music and we made a record and we got to actually make a rap record, then we made a 12 inch stuck up then we got to make an album, then we got to go on tour with a group that we idolized more than probably anybody Run DMC, then we put out this album and it's a huge fucking deal. Then we on tour in the U.S. and so already we were looking at each other that this was kinda crazy. Then to show up in Europe and be THAT group. I feel like every once in awhile, every couple of years or wherever, there's a group that has to be the ones that are the reason that everything's gone wrong with society. It was the Sex Pistols at some point, it was Eminem at some point, is was us at some point. Someone's gotta do it.

Me: In 1989 you guys move to L.A., make "Paul's Boutique" and in the book you said Donny Osmond's "Sacred Lovet" holds a very special significance for your story. Can you talk about the meeting with the A&R guy from Capitol Records, Michael?

Adam: It wasn't an A&R guy for one.

Michael: Yeah, it's even worse, it's the head of the entire company. This guy named Hale Milgrim, not to name name's but his name's in the book. We made an album called "Paul's Boutique," we were very excited about and we worked quite a while on. We were like kids and super excited this record was coming out and we had like this other album before it, "License to Ill," which had a great success. So this was great, this other album is going to be in every record store, it's gonna be on the radio, we're gonna to have this moment again. It comes and out and it's not really in stores so much and it doesn't really get played anywhere and nothing really happens. So we're going in and having this meeting and here's this guy who is a nice enough guy doing his job, with a tide dye t-shirt on and what would you call it, a pony tail? What would you call that hair style?

Adam: A teeny tail.

Michael: It's not rat tail. Gray, balding on top with a pony tail. Tye dye t-shirt with a nice blue blazer over it. Say the definition right there is business casual. He was like, "Listen. we all understand each other. I'm a Dead Head. I'm new here and we have to focus in priorities and this Donny Osmond thing is really happening right now. Why don't you guys go have fun? Go make a new record or something?"

Me: So, Michael, can you tell the story of how you met Bob Dylan at Dolly Parton's birthday party? 

Michael: Wellll...

Adam: Now we're just giving away the whole book! You want us to read the whole thing?

Michael: Ha ha ha. What happened was we got invited to this party at this huge manager Beverly Hills estate. This guy, Sandy Gallin, and he managed Dolly Parton. I guess Dolly Parton had this annual party that he hosted at his house, at his estate. And so the fact that we were invited there and got to go there was A) of course we were going to go, and B) it was just crazy. We were renting a house in the Hollywood Hills at the time and the people we were renting the house from had all these crazy clothes from the 1970s, like stashed away in this closet. So one day we found this closet and we were messing around and trying on the clothes. So I think I wore this bright lime green suit that belonged to the female owner of the house I'm going to guess. But anyway it was a lime green matching pant suit blazer type of combo adorned with a type of white fur hat, atop the dome piece. Anyway so I look ridiculous at this party. I'm not going to lie, Burt Bacharach himself sat at the grand piano playing the piano, that's the type of party I'm talking about. Off in some corner there's Bob Dylan and I am a huge Bob Dylan fan and I was then as well. I don't know how I got up the nerve to get anywhere near his area, let alone talk to him. I somehow get someone to introduce me and then's when he asked me the question I write about in the book, which is "what are you good for?" That was very confusing until I realized he meant how many tickets we sell as a group and then he explained he was putting together a pro-smoking benefit. At least at that moment he was. I don't know if it went any further than that.

Me: Pro-smoking cigarettes?

Michael: Yeah, pro-smoking cigarettes. Not weed. He was not head of his time. It was about cigarettes.

Me: The book has me great stories about Adam Yauch as well. Adam, you tell a story about being in L.A. and Adam pulls up in a red sports car with the top and he's playing Paul Simon's "Kodachrome." Adam, what is so special about that story?

Adam: I loved your Paul Simon interview by the way, Jason.

Me: Wow. Thanks, Adam. He's gonna be back again on the Phile soon I think. So what is it about that image of him blasting Paul Simon in a sports car that stuck with you all these years?

Adam: Imagine one of your best friends drives up in a red Lamborghini with the top down blasting that song.

Michael: We're from frigging New York City, it's a miracle Yauch even had a drivers license. We were all just taking subways and taxi cabs. It was a friend we grew up with our whole life pulls up in this sports car only someone out of a movie could possibly be in is crazy let alone the musical choice because at the time we were all listening to rap music. He has no problem pulling up bumping Paul Simon.

Adam: Where did he rent that car? Where did he get that thing?

Michael: Yeah, it's true. Did he go down to the desk at the hotel and was like I want to rent that car. For the record, Adam says Lamborghini, I say Ferrari.

Me: In the book you say that you miss Adam. Michael, when you were writing the book was it hard to think back to those days?

Michael: Ummm, well, I have to say first off one of the reasons it took us so long to sort of execute this book from the time it being an idea and conception or whatever it's just that there's a long period of time where essentially we were too sad and still grieving over someone that we loved so much to possibly talk about it or be able to write about it and think about it. It's interesting once we got to a certain point I guess and we were in it in telling stories for the book it actually was a nice thing. I had no idea that going through these stories I would get to re experience this times with Yauch. That was a nice bonus.

Me: Was it nice to work on something together again?

Adam: It was very fun. It was nice. The thing about what Mike was saying about writing about stuff and missing Adam it was nice being back in our band. Although it was these old stories that we tell each other it was nice to be back in our band and doing it. It felt very familiar and fun like the old days.

Me: Do you both feel like you are Beastie Boys still?

Michael: That's a tricky one. I can't say that we are Beastie Boys without the inclusion of Adam Yauch. He was just a huge part of what we did but like Adam said at the same time it felt really good to be doing something as a band something we have never done before.

Adam: It's a huge part of who we are really. We've been doing this fucking thing for thirty or whatever years. It's a big part of who we are is that band. Not everything obviously because Mike also does something with his life. Mike, you must do something, right?

Michael: Why? I'm more interested in wine.

Adam: Is that why you're drunk?

Me: Thanks, guys, for being on the Phile. This was amazing!!! Please come back on the Phile again soon.

Michael: You're welcome.

Adam: Thanks, Jason. Now take a "slow ride."

That was fucking AMAZING!! Thanks to my guests Michael and Adam. The Phile will be back Wednesday with Fran Healey from the Scottish band Travis. Spread the word, not the turd. Don;t let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon