Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday. How are you? There's police all around my complex right now. It's crazy. If I hear of anything I'll tell you. Happy Left-Handers Day to one of the only minorities people don't complain about.
The nineties are back, baby! Right-wing fringe figures are spreading conspiracy theories about a "Clinton body count." This time, rather than have the subject of the conspiracy theories occupy the Oval Office, the president is a conspiracy theorist himself! After billionaire pedophile sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his Manhattan jail cell, people on both sides of the aisle immediately suspected foul play. How could the nation's most high-profile non-Paul Manafort prisoner commit suicide, weeks after a suicide attempt? Wasn't the link between a bipartisan cabal of upper-class sex criminals, who knows the secrets of the world's most powerful, on suicide watch? While Attorney General William Barr (whose dad just so happens to be a buddy of Epstein's) insists that Epstein successfully committed suicide thanks to prison guard incompetence, the Internet rallied to blame one of two sex pest presidents: Bill Clinton or Donald Trump. A #ClintonBodyCount hashtag popped up, as did a #TrumpBodyCount one in response. MAGA Twitter insisted that the latter's popularity is proof that Twitter is biased against them. Trump, for his part, retweeted a conspiracy theory blaming the Clintons for Epstein's death. The claim is unsubstantiated, and would be quite shocking for a sitting president to make if "shock" was still a thing. You really think that Bill and Hillary Clinton could conspire to assassinate a prisoner, when they couldn't even figure out how to conspire to win the 2016 election? Even Donald Trump was able to figure that out. Rather than blame one another's sexual predators-in-chief, Americans should come together and unite to condemn the real suspect: Queen Elizabeth II.
Lance Armstrong is getting roasted after tweeting about a chance encounter with Mike Pence over the weekend. Armstrong, who used to professionally cycle, was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and sued by the federal government and former cyclist Floyd Landis when it was revealed he'd been cheating with performance enhancing drugs for years. While he no longer professionally cycles, Armstrong's years as an athlete at the top of his game place him light years beyond the average civilian when it comes to cycling stamina and ability. So, when Armstrong tweeted about whizzing past Mike Pence on a bike path in Nantucket, he was met with a lot of eye rolls. Pence was in Nantucket over the weekend for a fundraiser for the Republican National Committee that doubled up to raise funds for Donald Trump's 2020 presidential campaign.
Needless to say, Armstrong's mentions got filled with a combination of irate Trump supporters and people ready to roast him for his controversial past. There were also some strategically played puns referencing his past drug use. If Twitter exists for any one purpose, it's to weaponize wordplay to scorn people with larger followings than you. Wow! A professional cyclist beats a non-professional. Impressive! It could be said that Armstrong's tweet united people of all political affiliations in a rare moment of unanimous dragging. Needless to say, Armstrong's tweet likely didn't receive the response he hoped for.
CNN anchor Chris Cuomo, son of former New York Governor Mario Cuomo and brother of current New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, will fight you if you imply that he's the dumbest member of his family. In a video that is now going viral on Twitter and in the White House, a notorious right-wing YouTuber accosted Cuomo by calling him "Fredo," a classic insult referring to Fredo Corleone, the dumb downfall of The Godfather's mob family. Cuomo took offense to that bro-ey pop culture reference, insisting that Fredo amounts to an ethnic slur when used against Italian Americans. "Are any of you Italian?" Cuomo asked the men he called "punk-ass bitches." "It’s an insult to your people. It’s like the N-word for us." Cuomo really went to the mattresses, saying, "I'll fucking ruin your shit. I’ll fucking throw you down these stairs." The altercation was delightfully profane, and thankfully didn't escalate into actual punching (while I'm on the subject of stereotypes, bar fights are more of an Irish American thing). While certainly no fans of right wing trolls, people on Twitter are dunking on Cuomo for equating the Fredo insult to the N-world. If calling someone Fredo was as bad as calling someone the N-word, we'd be calling it the F-word. The president got in on the fun, saying, "I thought Chris was Fredo also." In a rare joint own and self-own, the other Donald Trump insisted that Fredo isn't a slur, it just means that you're stupid. White House Press Secretary Sean Hannity sides with Cuomo on this one, complicating the Trump family's united front. Cuomo took to Twitter to say that he appreciates the support, but should have cooled it with the swears. Plus, if you find yourself getting into the fight, remember: leave the gun, take the cannoli.
As I mentioned already on Saturday August 10th, the child trafficker Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his cell at Metropolitan Correctional Facility in New York City. According to law enforcement, the wealthy predator appeared to have committed suicide via hanging, but the Internet has not been entirely convinced of the cause of death. Regardless of whether it was suicide or an Illuminati murder ordered by the ring of wealthy pedophiles Epstein socialized with, his name has been on everyone's lips this weekend. While Epstein's ghost deserves all of the harsh words people can muster, there is a living man named Jeffrey R. Epstein who works as a publicist at Disney (the greatest company to work for ever) that has been getting a lot of misplaced anger. Over the weekend, Jeffrey R. Epstein had to clarify that he is not the deceased criminal multiple times. While there's nothing funny about the true Epstein's legacy of violence, people are having fun with the mix-up and encouraging Jeffrey R. to milk it. Other people with unfortunate name doppelgängers chimed in to share solidarity with Jeffrey R. Jeffrey R. even posted a follow-up thanking people for all the RIP messages, and further clarifying that he is in fact a different Epstein. His friend, "Community" actress Yvette Brown, also piped in to defend Jeffrey R. and confirm that he is a real person who has nothing to do with the dead pedophile. Hopefully, people start to lay off him, the late Epstein is a horrific name doppelgänger to have.
Alas, I shall tread lightly, lest I offend the Welsh. When police in south Wales posted a photo to Facebook of a drug dealer they're hoping to capture, people proceeded to have a laugh in the comments about the fugitive's unfortunate hairdo. The BBC reports, "People can be prosecuted for posting offensive messages online. One contributor joked that police should look in Edinburgh, which hosts the fringe festival, while another said officers were 'combing the area.' On Monday, Gwent Police said, 'We're really grateful to everyone who is assisting us in locating Jermaine Taylor, and we must admit a few of these comments have made us laugh.' However, when the line is crossed from being funny to abusive, we do have to make sure we are responsible and remind people to be careful about what they write on social media.'" Whatever you do, don't go on social media and call the Welsh police "snowflakes."
And whatever else you do, do NOT go to the police's page and call this criminal Krusty the Clown. Hahaha.
If I had a TARDIS I would go to Italy's Gran Paradiso National Park. But knowing my luck one of these bloody goats would fall on me...
I love that pic! You know who has a time machine I think... Ivanka Trump. Check it out...
A few weeks ago Donald Trump said he was "down there" with the 9/11 first responders. He was also on a bus with Rosa Parks.
He probably told her to move to the back himself. I have no idea who that guy is behind Trump... it's not Rosa that's for sure. Hmmm. Anyway, when Trump was in Ohio recently some people sure had some clever anti-Trump signs.
And when he was in England some of my fellow Brits also had some clever signs...
Hahaha. That's so great. Did you know Trump plays the accordion? No? I'll show you.
Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Stock Market Reports
5. Helium was up, feathers were down.
4. Paper was stationary.
3. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
2. Knives were up sharply.
And the number one Stock Market report is...
1. Cows steered into a bull market.
That's rather stupid but if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so there's popular pop singer from the 70s who was REALLY famous back in the day but for some reason he doesn't get recognized anymore. I thought I'd invite him back to the Phile to see what's going on with him. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hey, Harry, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?
Harry: Hiya, Jas, I just got into town from England. It's raining here in Orlando.
Me: I know. So, how was the flight?
Harry: It was great but the TSA agent stared intently at me and said, "I’m trying to figure out who you look like before checking your ID." I said, "Okay. And started humming one of my hits... 'Dying Dolly.'" Then the TSA agent said, "That pop singer Webb!"
Me: Hey! You were recognized. Nice.
Harry: Except the nearby agent said, "That ain’t Harry Webb." I said, "He’s right." The first TSA scent said, "Oh, you look like that singer." He checked my ID. "Same last name too!" (checks ID). Same last name too! Crazy!" I nodded, "Crazy."
Me: Awe. Harry, I'm sorry.
Harry: That's okay. I'm off to my show now, Jas.
Me: where are you playing, Harry?
Harry: At the Holiday Inn down the road. Cheers!
Me: Harry Webb, kids.
The 103rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The great Phil Collins will be on the Phile a week from today... on Tuesday.
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
Today's guest is is an American actor, producer, and screenwriter. He is known for playing the title character on the Fox sitcom "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." Please welcome to the Phile... Corin Nemec.
Me: Hello, Corin, welcome to the Phile, man. How are you doing?
Corin: Well, I'm 6 feet above ground opposed to 6 feet below ground. I'm doing damn good.
Me: Hahaha. That's true. You're pretty big on Twitter, Corin, if you had Twitter back in the day, or any kinda social media would you be able to handle it?
Corin: Oh, man, my career would've took a whole different turn. Hahahahahaha. With TMZ, with all the social media stuff, I'm sure I would've embraced it whole heartedly. It took me awhile really to embrace it because throughout the 90s I became more and more kinda private and not sort of engaged that much with the whole outside the world of just me doing my acting spending time with my friends and family and stuff. I kinda took myself away from the media circus of to all which had a negative affect on my career for sure. I didn't like how I was represented a lot of the time in magazines and articles and stuff like that. I really, really didn't like the pre-interview routine of doing talk shows. I didn't think it was organic and they kinda coached me. If they don't get something that they want from their show they coached me and even had me make something up. I was like, you know, I'm not doing pre-interviews anymore. My publisher said I wasn't going to get many interviews and I said, "Listen, just tell them if they want to ask me questions I'll do the show. They'll ask me questions and I will answer them." She said, "Yeah, thats not exactly how it works." Then they just don't wanna talk to me. Very shortly after that I was know longer on talk shows.
Me: Ha. Did you ever regret that?
Corin: Later on I did. Even though I always kept working and everything, but it's been hostile. If I played the media game better and a lot more savvy I'd likely be working on different kinda levels of projects and not having to hustle quite as hard as I had to hustle over the years in order to keep in the game. Especially from being an actor from age 12 on. A lot of people who have been doing it that long have kinda disappeared in the ether or went insane or combination of both. I definitely think I could have played the game better if I wanted to make that choice at the time. I did not want to and I felt like I saw selling myself off in a way. Now I realize that's part of the game, I should've whored myself out.
Me: Have you ever taken a role that you regret?
Corin: No, no, no, any role is a good role as far as I'm concerned. It's all what I do with it. Some projects of course were not so great but at the end of the day it's what am I doing, what am I bringing to the table. Am I enjoying myself playing the character I'm playing? That's pretty much what it boils down to.
Me: One of the first roles you did was on the show "Webster." I loved that show but don't remember you being on it. I think I didn't see the last few seasons. What was that experience like?
Corin: That was hell actually. The two parents on the show, Alex Karras and Susan Clark used to be married in real life and they got divorced during the show and they hated each other and they were miserable on set and they got into horrible fights and they had terrible temper tantrums. They just made working on that show an absolute nightmare. It was very, very stressful when I was there. It really didn't help me to have fun. But Emmanuel Lewis was amazing. He was awesome.
Me: That's good. I'd love to have him on the Phile. Did that experience turn you off sitcoms going forward?
Corin: Well, it did in a way. I had done a half hour single camera show called "What's Alan Watching?" which came out as a pilot basically, a TV special because CBS and Eddie Murphy productions really didn't get along very well. But it was an incredibly written show, it was very hilarious, I had a great role, the starring role in it, I had an amazing cast.
Me: So, how and when did you get the part of Parker Lewis in "Parker Lewis Can't Lose"?
Corin: At that time oddly enough Clyde Phillips was over at CBS and he was doing "Houston Knights." Clyde Phillips was the one who created "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" along with Lon Diamond. And so he had been asked to do this half hour comedy about a young kid in high school. This was before Ferris Bueller became out. He was familiar with me and a huge fan of the show. Fortunately for me when he and Lon Diamond created Parker Lewis for CBS... CBS ended passing on it so they took the show then over to Fox and by that point Ferris Bueller had come out and became a big hit and helped sell the show and also Fox launching a full programming schedule was a big part of it too. Unbeknownst to me they had me in mind for the role of Parker Lewis for at least two years before they got the go ahead. When they asked me if I wanted to do the show I had just gotten off this big sc-fi movie called Solar Crisis which I thought was gonna be a gigantic hit but ended up flopping.
Me: What was Solar Crisis? I don't think I heard of it.
Corin: It was a really, really good movie... well, not a great movie but a pretty damn good movie for what it was. It had an incredible cast... Jack Pallance, Charlton Heston, Peter Boyle, Tim Matheson.
Me: So, did you think you were gonna make movies then?
Corin: Yeah, I thought I was launching in a different area, a theatrical career.
Me: So, when they approached you to do the Parker Lewis show what did you say?
Corin: I turned it down, I didn't want to do a half hour multi camera sitcom. I had a miserable experience in the past and they were like, "No, that's not what it is. That's not what we're doing. We really want this show to be like "Three O'Clock High," which was this very cool show that Casey Siemaszko was in that came out in the 80s. When they explained that to me I was like, "Oooooh. Okay. Yeah. I totally get it and I'd love to be a part of it." Fortunately for me it worked out because it was an incredible experience working on that show and it was ground breaking as well. I'm definitely that worked out the way it did.
Me: I vaguely remember the show back then, Corin, it was a long time ago. Do you ever think they'll be a Parker Lewis reboot?
Corin: Let me tell you, Lon Diamond and I recently got together a little while back and discussed that very subject and really we were trying to get Clyde Phillips to go for it. We want to approach it in a whole different type of light. I don't know what conversations they had but once Lon got me I was like hell yeah. Depending on what the take was, if it's now Parker's son or and Parker's the dad, or whatever I don't know. Whatever the case was I always thought it'll be funny to flip the script and have Parker Lewis after the high school years everything went down hill after that. I don't know, maybe of enough people get into Clyde's ears about it then maybe he'll think more seriously about it.
Me: So, the show only lasted there years, what happened there?
Corin: Well, Rupert Murdoch bought Fox and they fired the entire executive staff that were there and brought on a bunch of their own people. it's like someone puts on a policeman's hat and they want to be a cop, they showed up with their suits and their ties and were like "now we're executives over here we gotta to start doing excutiving stuff." They decided our show should be more like "90210" and shoot it in the wild and all this. We fought for it hard to keep them from doing that to the show because we knew it was gonna be the end of the fucking line for it. There was nothing we could do. They signed our checks and forced us to make those changes and it was a very tough season on everyone because we saw the writing on the wall half way through the season when it was airing. Then they started moving us all over from this night to that night. If they just left us alone letting us doing what we were doing I really think we had gone for at least five seasons.
Me: You guys didn't make it syndication, right?
Corin: Yeah, we were ten episodes away from syndication which is a fucking crime.
Me: It's on DVD though, right?
Corin: Yeah, but for the only first two season thank God.
Me: You just had a new movie that came out called Rottentail, right?
Corin: Yeah, it's based on a graphic novel with the same title. Brian Skiba directed it, he's an amazing director. I was also producing on it. We did it for a militated budget but it's a horror comedy in the same vein what the comic book was an it's extremely funny, I'm very excited for it. I play half man and half rabbit.
Me: Do you do any writing yourself, Corin?
Corin: Yeah, I came out with my first novel called Venice High. I have also a photo book out from Mickey Avalon, who is what we call an alternative rapper. For his first album I took all the photos for it. I did journalistic style photography for a long time and the photos I took of him Interscope ended up picking up and using one for the album cover and using the others for publicity for the laugh of his first album. It went really, really well for him and launched his career. I did a mini coffee table book from that photoshoot and I do quite a bit of street art and graffiti art using aerosol as my medium. So I out a book of a bunch of my art as well called The Paper Chase.
Me: That's cool. How did you get involved in graffiti art?
Corin: I grew up in the early 80s with breakdancing and all that and that was the style of art for that hip hop world. The breakdancing, the graffiti art, the DJing, the rapping, the style of press and all of that. I was always an artist, my mom was a graphic artist when I was growing up and my dad was an architect and became a set designer and a production designer in film business. I saw on the news this graffiti artist out of New York, a famous one named Seen, he attacked the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles and it was really big and it made nation wide news. I was living in Atlanta at the time and I thought wow, that's huge and when I ended up moving to Los Angeles a year or two later a kid that I was in school with were doing graffiti art on a whole different level than what I had been introduced to in Atlanta. I was like this is what it's all about. And so I immediately took to it very quickly and just started painting, going into graffiti art and getting down with that whole scene.
Me: With your novel Venice High, would you ever like it to be made into a TV show or movie?
Corin: Yeah, I'm a screenplay writer, I've written so many of them but unfortunately I've never been able to get decent representation from the literal world as a screenplay writer. I think a lot of times in Hollywood they want me to stay where I am. I've written about twenty screenplays and I really write because I like to tell stories. Venice High is something that I really wanted to write for a while as it's based on my own life. I finally found out a way to tell the story that was really original and yet wasn't a "period piece," it didn't take place back in the 80s. I wrote the script and couldn't get to out there so I decided I really need to turn it into a book. I left all the dialogue in a script format because I just liked the way that it flowed. It's more fun for me to write that way and it's less complicated.
Me: Okay, so, you were in a "Star Trek" show? I thought it was "Stargate" that you were in but I read that you were in "Star Trek." Am I right?
Corin: I was a starship Captain in a film called Star Trek: Renegades. When they were first trying to shop it as a TV series it wasn't to long after I was in "Stargate." I had a decent following in the sci-fi world, I still do and it made sense to them at the time to attach me to it. They were trying to turn it into a TV series but for some reason at that time a lot of the "Star Trek" movie franchise was out and they were like, "No, we don't want to soil the 'Star Trek' movie franchise which is serious right now." I wasn't a producer on that but I know it was a real challenge doing it as a fan financed show, which they did an incredible job based on the fact they had almost zero budget. But they were able to access some really great sets and stuff and I was pretty blown away by what they were able to accomplish.
Me: Ahhh. Okay. So, you were in a TV miniseries called "I Know My First Name is Steven" and that got you an Emmy nomination. Well done, man. Do you still get recognition for that movie?
Corin: Ummmm, some, yes. Surprisingly so. Normally it's people who kinda tracked my career from that point forward who remember me from that. Usually it comes up in conversation and they are like "you were in that?" It's one of those kinda deals. That certainly was a phenomenal miniseries and was extremely well done and so well written and was a touching true story.
Me: What was that like for you being a teenager and up for an Emmy?
Corin: Really I was more excited that they didn't card me in the green room. I didn't really think about it to be honest, I was more interested in my life and living my life in what I was doing. Yes, I was doing my thing as an actor but I was painting graffiti on the weekends and hanging out with my friends. With the idea of the Emmys I was like, that's cool and all but it wasn't as big as a deal 'til years and years later. When I finally got to my 30s I was like holy shit, I was nominated for an Emmy.
Me: You played a couple of serial killers as well. Which was one the most fun to play?
Corin: Richard Speck was for sure. What a great indie film that was. That character was just out to lunch and I had such good vibe playing that character.
Me: What about playing Ted Bundy? What was that like?
Corin: I fucking hate that guy. After playing that dude for five days I was like I don't want to be this guy any more. He's such a total scumbag and that was a tough one. That was one where I had to shake it off at the end of each day. Dude, what a creep.
Me: So, I don't know if you want me to bring this up but I will. Ha! What's this you were in a hip hop band or something?
Corin: Yeah, that was fun. I did a whole entire album called "Starship of Foolz" and we developed the whole album with Motown at the time.
Me: Haha. Corin, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again some time. Take care.
Corin: Thanks so much, buddy.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Corin for fun interview. The Phile will be back on Monday with musician Commander Cody. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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