Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Did you see the Super Bowl last night? I did and thought it was boring. If I wanted to watch guys fail at scoring for three hours I would have just taken some of my friends to a bar. The Rams’ Andrew Whitworth said about the Super Bowl loss, “At the end of the day, we’re all going to die.” He’s got a point. Following a dominating performance by the New England Patriots defense that held the high-powered Rams offense to just three points, Rams offensive tackle Andrew Whitworth took to the podium and gave some interesting comments.
Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay didn’t mince on words after the Rams’ horrible offensive performance versus the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LIII. Moments after the game was over, the 33-year-old McVay got to his postgame press conference and took full blame for the loss, admitting that he was out-coached by Belichick. McVay said, “Congratulations to the Patriots. They did a great job. You know, coach Belichick did an outstanding job. There really is no other way to put it... I’m pretty numb right now. But definitely, I got outreached. I didn’t do enough for our football team.” Have to think McVay will have a few more cracks at winning a Lombardi Trophy in his coaching career but until then, this one will hurt.
Regardless of how you feel about football, or the Patriots and Rams in particular, it's likely you already know that the 53rd Super Bowl took place last night. With the game itself, came all of the emotionally loaded top-billed commercials, a lot of jokes about Tom Brady, and a halftime show performed by Maroon 5, Travis Scott and Big Boi. Per usual, the halftime show generated the most conversation for both the diehard football fans and the casual snackers alike. One of the most notable aspects of this performance was the fact that Maroon 5's lead singer Adam Levine eventually took off his shirt. While some people debated the meanings behind his array of tattoos, and whether or not they found a shirtless Levine attractive, others pointed out the innate hypocrisy him being allowed to perform with his nipples exposed. After all, back in 2004 Janet Jackson was "fined and blacklisted by U.S. radio" after a wardrobe malfunction revealed one of her nipples during her performance with Justin Timberlake. So now, to see Levine performing a large chunk of the halftime show with both nipples exposed and no repercussions feels like a very strong example of the double standard between how female performers and male performers are treated. And also, the privileges afforded white performers versus black performers. Fans of Jackson went in on the double standard, pointing out how ludicrous it is that the 2004 performance took a huge toll on her career. The difference between the reception towards Levine's shirtless performance and Jackson's momentary nipple slip says scores about the ways women's nipples are sexualized and men's are normalized. Hopefully, as more people call these double standards out, the culture will shift to something more equitable.
Just one week after Jussie Smollet was reportedly attacked in Chicago, the "Empire" star made his way back to the stage to perform and speak to his fans. Smollet directly addressed the assault at the concert, telling the audience, "I'm not fully healed yet. But I'm going to (be), and I'm gonna stand strong with y'all." He also clarified that he was bruised, but his ribs were not cracked and his doctors had cleared him to perform the concert. As a refresher, Jussie Smollet was attacked by two men in masks, who yelled racial and homophobic slurs at him while beating him and telling him that he's in "MAGA country. "They also put a rope around his neck and poured an "unknown chemical substance" on Smollett during the attack. During the concert, Smollet went on to say that he wasn't going to let his attackers win. "Above all, I fought the fuck back," he said to the crowd. He continued, "I don't even care to name any names. The hateful rhetoric that gets passed around, it has to stop. But guess what, it stops with the people that believe in love." Oh, did you think you were done crying? Think again! After his encore, Jussie told room full of fans, "Be as black, be as brown, be as gay as the fuck you want to be. Now is the time. Be blacker, be gayer, do it right the fuck now.” I applaud Jussie's strength and bravery, and wish him the best recovery.
Ann Coulter, racist stack of toothpicks and author of In Trump We Trust, no longer trusts Trump. After a wall tantrum-induced government shutdown temporarily ended without money for a border wall with Mexico, Coulter called Trump a wimp with an added diss at the recently deceased World War II veteran George H.W. Bush. Coulter, who once called Trump a "god emperor," started to reconcile with her own stupidity on Bill Maher's show. Maher said, "So, let me get this straight. You were convinced that Donald Trump was the guy. You voted for him, Donald Trump. And now you’re finding out he’s a lying conman. What was your first clue?" Coulter replied, "Okay, I’m a very stupid girl, fine." Trump brushed off Coulter's sudden turn against him as petty, which is actually kind of funny. After Newt Gingrich criticized Coulter for criticizing Trump on "Fox and Friends," she went on a Twitter rant against Gingrich and everybody who still supports Trump when he's being insufficiently racist.
The Connecticut Post reports that a 50-year-old New Canaan woman was arrested for "driving under the influence of vanilla extract," which is, in fact, the whitest sentence in the world. Police were called when the Stephanie Warner-Grise was spotted with her eyes closed behind the wheel. "Upon speaking with Warner-Grise, officers detected an odor of vanilla coming from her breath, her speech was slurred and she was unable to answer basic questions," the arrest report reads. Warner-Grise failed sobriety tests and "several bottles of pure vanilla extract were located inside the vehicle." "According to the Food and Drug Administration regulations, pure vanilla extract must contain 35 percent alcohol that makes it 70 proof," The Connecticut Post reports, so always go with chocolate.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
When you've huffed hairspray, trees talk and get revenge for carving them into ugly, creepy lap puppets. If I had a TARDIS I would like to go see the Hoover Dam. Knowing my luck though I'll get there in 1934 as columns of the Dam are being filled with concrete...
I love raccoons... they are such cool animals and do what they want. Like this guy...
Hey, ever see a pic of Tom Brady as a kid? No? I'll show you...
Hahahaha. This was Brady right before the game last night...
Hahahahaha. Oh, Tom. Did you watch the puppy bowl? I did not as I always thought it was boring. should have watched it instead of Maroon 5's shitty performance. Especially when I saw this pic...
Shit, I missed out. Hahaha. So, one of the best things about the Internet is you can see porn so easily and free. I don't want you to go off and look at a porn site, I want you to stay here on the Phile, so I thought I'd show a porn pic here. But if you're at work or school I don't want you to get in trouble so came up with a solution.
Ha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Paul Lynde Responses To Questions On "Hollywood Squares"
5. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? Loneliness!
4. Do female frogs croak? If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
3. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
2. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? Tape measures.
And the number one Paul Lynde response to a question on "Hollywood Squares" is...
1. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? Make him bark?
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, in the past on the Phile I had a sex therapist come on and tell us something she learned when she was studying sex which is not true. I think that's the premise. Anyway, I invited her back to give us some more advice or whatever. So, please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, professor, how are you?
Liz: I'm good, Jason. Glad to be back.
Me: So, in school did you learn a lot about sex?
Me: Dd you not know that?
Liz: Yeah, I already knew. And I learned where ovaries, eggs and testes are. That's literally it. Somewhere between switching school zones I missed an entire of sex ed, so most of what I knew by the time I started having sex is what I learned from my peers, which was generally a bunch of slang.
Me: So, what did you do?
Liz: Well, to out it in a little bit of perspective, until I was seventeen, I didn't know what oral sex was, and just thought the term "eating her out" meant putting food in there and eating it. At the time I couldn't figure out WHY anyone would be turned on by that or hat would make it sexy.
Me: Ahhh, the confusion of cunnilingus. You know what it means now, right?
Liz: Hehehehehehe. Of course, Jason.
Me: Oh, good. Professor Liz Chickasaw, kids.
Hmmm... Okay, so, there's this teacher who is having a bad time of it and wanted to come onto the Phile again and talk about it. I said sure, why not, she's very pretty. So, please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, Ms. Laststraw, how are you doing?
Ms. Laststraw: I'm okay, but jealous... a fellow teacher quit on the spot when he was asked to change a student's grade.
Me: Wow. What happened?
Ms. Laststraw: The kid missed over 50% of the classes, never handed in homework, did poorly on tests, etc, and ended up failing the class. He truly earned his failing grade.
Me: But why did the teacher lose his job?
Ms. Laststraw: Because his father was an influential member of the school board/generous donor/blah blah blah, they couldn't let the kid have a failing grade on his record. Summer school was also not an option because the family had already scheduled a vacation during the time that summer classes would be in session.
Me: Hmmm... so, what happened?
Ms. Laststraw: So, the principal told my buddy that he had to change the student's grade to a passing grade. My buddy told the principal he would absolutely not sign off on that, and if it was so important to him, to change the grade himself. He then said "if you do change it, don't expect to see me back here in September." Sure enough, the grade got changed, and my buddy packed up his shit and left.
Me: Oh, boy. So, what about you? Would you ever do a thing like that?
Ms. Laststraw: Hello, no. Well, maybe. I don't know if I'd ever fudge a grade.
Me: That's good. Take care, Ms. Laststraw, and get back to class. Ms. Laststraw, the teacher that wants to quit, kids.
A redhead walks into a salon and the hair stylist says your hair is gorgeous and the redhead runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural." Then a brunette walks in and the stylist says, "I love you hair" and the brunette runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural." Then a blonde with green streaks walks in and the stylist says "That's different..." The blonde sneezes, wipes it on her hand and runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural!"
The guest will be legendary animator Floyd Norman.
Today's guest is the author of Paul Lynde: A Biography - His Life, His Love(s) and His Laughter, the 92nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Cathy Rudolph.
Cathy: I'm good, Jason.
Me: You're from Port Jefferson, New York, which is so cool. I grew up there in the 70s and 80s. Where in Port Jeff do you live?
Cathy: Port Jefferson Station.
Me: Ahhh... the other side of the tracks. I lived in Belle Terre. So, if any of my readers don't know who Paul Lynde is can you tell us something where they might know him from?
Cathy: The center square on "Hollywood Squares" and Uncle Arthur from "Bewitched." His distinct voice, his jokes, his outrageous wild jokes on the "Hollywood Squares" made him the most popular he ever was in his career and his career was thirty years long.
Me: You knew Paul, right? How old were you when you first met him?
Cathy: I was just 17-years-old.
Me: Okay, so, how did you first get in contact with him? This was way before the Internet.
Cathy: Well, I was 17-years-old with a big crush on the gentleman which I thought had the funniest most crazy sense of humor, he was very handsome and he was single. I was doing some research at my public library, at the time I was living in Levittown, Long Island. I went to the library and looked up some old Broadway books that I never looked at before and in one of the books had Paul Lynde's business manager as well as his resume. I wrote down the number, went home, called my parents, told my parents I'd like to call Paul and they said person to person he's never going to answer that phone and that's not his number, they didn't know why I thought it was. I dialed it and low and behold Paul himself answered the phone, he couldn't believe a fan found his home number.
Me: So, when he answered how was he?
Cathy: He didn't hang up, he was lovely and I was blabbing to him what a great actor and comedian I thought he was. I talked about his dog Harry McAfee who he loved. He had a connection with us, he was still listening and out of nowhere I just blurted out after five minutes of just chatting I asked him if he'd go to my senior prom with me.
Me: Ummm... what did he say?
Cathy: He said I was asking a lot and I said, "No way?" He said, "No way." We both laughed and I said, "Can you meet me? I know you go to New York City a lot and I don't live far from there." He said, "I'm going there for Thanksgiving." I said, "Please meet me." This went on for about two or three minutes and he kept on saying no, he can't because he had to do it for all his fans. I'm thinking not all your fans found your phone number. At the very end he was silent when I said, "How about if I have my father take me?" That was it. He was comfortable. He said, "Okay, I'll be there in a few weeks. Call me at the Pierre Hotel, it'll just be a five minute meeting, you can have a picture and an autograph, that's it. That's what I'll do for you." I was thrilled.
Me: How do you remember that happened when you wrote the book?
Cathy: My diaries I kept since I was a young girl, since I was 10-years-old, which helped me remember when I wrote the book.
Me: I know you describe meeting him in the book but dd you get starstruck or were in awe when you met him?
Cathy: The beginning of the book is my voice as a 17-year-old I was totally starstruck when I saw Paul.
Me: So, what was the meeting like?
Cathy: He was better looking than I thought when I walked in. Actually the hotel was on fire if I can back up a little bit. My dad and I both walked in to meet Paul the hotel was on fire. They wouldn't let anybody up, they wouldn't let anybody down. I was calling Paul's room, he was not answering, I thought I'm never going to meet him. My dad was yelling we had to get out of there, there was a fire and I was like I don't care if it burns down, I'm going to stay there until I meet Paul Lynde. And then Paul walked in, I introduced myself. We tried to get a drink in the hotel, Paul was not wearing a tie and they insisted if he was going to go in and get a drink with us he had to put tie on. He said, "How do I go get my tie when my room's on fire?" We ended up walking down to the Sherry Netherlands and we talked for two hours. The conversation never let up, my dad described it as two old friends talking. We just clicked.
Me: So, what happened after you two met?
Cathy: When I left him at the Sherry Netherlands and we were saying good-bye, he had to go back, he was having some friends up at the Pierre, he did promise his autograph which he gave me, and a picture. As the picture was developing, it was a Polaroid back then, he said he wanted to give me something else. He gave me his home address. I looked at him and said, "What is this?" He said, "It's my home address, you're welcome to my house any time," I was floored. Every dream I had meeting him and now he was inviting me to his home? It was more than I ever imagined and our relationship continued.
Me: You said in the book he was the star but he made you feel that you were the star. Do you think he did that with most people or was it just you?
Cathy: He had some affection for me. Maybe because, and this is something like forty years later, when I was writing the book I look back at writing this book and with the interviews I had with Peter Marshall, who told me how much he loved Karen Valentine, Paul used to compare me to Karen Valentine. It was very endearing.
Me: So, why were you different than most people in his life?
Cathy: I think it was my loyalty. I didn't want anything from Paul. He knew that, at the meeting with my dad he turned to my dad at one point, just asking a little bit about me, he said, "Cathy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I said, "An author." He looked at my dad and said, "What does she want from me?" Right there was skepticism I guess, he wondered if I was going to use him, I don't know what he was thinking. My dad just said, "No, she's just a devoted fan." As we got to know each other and I got to see him at shows, I actually went out to his house in California with other friends, and came a little bit involved with his personal life I think he just realized I was just there for who Paul Lynde was. He always had to be careful, because even in his love life because who he was, because he was Paul Lynde the star.
Me: Was he the same way off screen as he was on?
Cathy: I saw him come completely frozen with stage fright when my friend Barbara and I went to see him in The Impossible Years. I was backstage and I happened to pull the curtain and Paul went on in about two minutes frozen in fear. I was holding him up by the elbow and he always said he had severe stage fright. That broke my heart when I saw him but give it five minutes when that curtain opened up you'd never known that man had an ounce of nerves. He went on there, the audience laughed as he walked on stage and he was great. I also saw him in many moods, I saw him after his dog Harry died, he could be very quiet, but he also could be the funniest person I think in the world, and other celebrities and peers of his that I've interviewed have all said the same thing, that he was the funniest person that you could ever go out with because he was so quick. On television he had lines that were written for him but off screen he didn't need a script, he was Paul Lynde on fire, as funny as could be. Whoever was around him he had them laughing.
Me: His voice is pretty well known and famous. Is that how he always spoke?
Cathy: It was part of an act to some degree. He spoke very natural, even on the telephone when I spoke to him the only time he put that voice on was when I asked him if he'd go to the prom with me. He said "no way" in that voice. That was it. That was part of his act, he played it up. But if we were out at a club and he wanted to be funny he went running around and he'll play it up again, which made him more funny.
Me: I thought the story you tell in the book was funny about the note he found on the ride. Can you tell us about that?
Cathy: It said, "Attention, Paul Lynde, I think one of these foods have poisoned in it." Something to that affect. It was really bad, he felt bad about that. He used to steal food.
Me: So, his best role I think was Uncle Arthur in "Bewitched." Was that role made for him?
Cathy: It actually was. William Asher and Paul were working on Beach Blanket Bingo I guess in the late 60s at the same time Bill Asher was creating and directing the "Bewitched" show with his beautiful wife at the time, Elizabeth Montgomery, and he asked Paul to be in one episode as Harold Harold in "Driving is the Only Way to Fly." Elizabeth Montgomery had so much fun with Paul Lynde they became very, very close friends. She said to her husband, "You've got to create a character. I want him in the show more." He was so much fun to work with. Bill Asher made Uncle Arthur and actually tailored it after Paul's personality.
Me: Do you know what Paul was like as a kid or a teenager?
Cathy: He was a jokester. He would go out with his friends and sell his families furniture. LOL.
Me: Nice. So, how did he get to be the center of "Hollywood Squares" and how did that help or hinder his career?
Cathy: He got to be a household name because of that show. He always said he was grateful to the show for making him a household name however he felt trapped because he was on the show a total of fifteen years, but not straight. From about '64 he was on it on and off but then he was the permanent center square. He loved that even Greta Garbo wrote to him saying he was making us laugh but he just felt he was getting popular from a game show. He went to Northwestern for acting, his dream was to be in one serious movie. He did eleven of them and he said they were all bad ones, but they were not all bad ones. He did Bye Bye Birdie the film, I know he didn't care for it because he loved the Broadway show but we did some absolutely great movies but he never got the serious role he wanted. He never got out there in a role for them to see he could act seriously.
Me: Okay, so, Paul was gay, right? At that time in the 70s people weren't out the closet like they are now. Do you think he kept being gay secret?
Cathy: Paul told a lot of gay jokes on "Hollywood Squares" but weren't really gay jokes, but it was Paul telling everybody he was gay. He was funny and everyone laughed with him and not to him, he was the first comedian to do that.
Me: Do you think a lot of people knew he was gay then? Haha.
Cathy: He had more women fans and more love letters than anybody else on NBC from my research, including myself.
Me: So, did you know he was gay before you met him?
Cathy: I had no idea he was gay, I was heartbroken when I found that out, but I saw Paul for who he was and that was important that he showed me his personal life. I thought it was brave of him at the time. I'm still in awe he let me into his life, I saw his whole personal life. He was brave I thought.
Me: How did you find out he was gay?
Cathy: We were at a club, it was my birthday, I was out with Paul and Elizabeth Allen who's co-starring with him in a summer stock play. We were out dancing, we had a great night, we were dancing to "The Last Dance" by Donna Summer very slow, Paul's holding me, we were cheek to cheek, I'm thinking what a romantic night, it's my birthday, this is so wonderful, I wonder how the rest of the night is going to go then as the lights flickered for the club to close I went over to Elizabeth Allen and said good night and Paul looked at me and said, "Good night, Cathy." My face looked at him and said what's happening. Then he walked out with a waiter. That's when I knew. LOL.
Me: When was the last time you saw him and what was it like, Cathy?
Cathy: I went up to Canada. I surprised him and I was seeing him at Plaza Suite with my friend Debbie and we had a great time together. He was pretty exhausted at that point, he'd been traveling but we went out for Chinese food. He wasn't drinking at that point, he was just drinking Tab. I noticed he wasn't drinking anymore. He was trying to clean up his lifestyle a little bit. As we were up finishing the play, spending a few days there, the last thing I said was, "Okay, Paul, I'm gonna get on the plane. Good-bye." He said, "Don't say good-bye." You didn't say good-bye to him, it's like a superstitious thing he had, his parents died in other tragedies and he said, "Just say I'll see you soon." He died in January, we had spoken on the phone at Christmas in December but that was actually the last time I saw him.
Me: I never say good-bye either. How did you find out he passed away?
Cathy: I didn't believe it, I was at work, I had an office job at that time and my phone rang, I think it was like 8:30 in the morning. My friend Robin had called me and said, "Cathy, I just heard on the radio Paul Lynde is dead." I hung up the phone, I did not believe her. A few minutes later the phone rang again and it was my mom. As soon as I heard her voice I knew it had to be true. I did call his house, afraid I'd wake him up, because that was three hours earlier, afraid he wouldn't answer and his answering service did answer and said they had no news and awhile later it was all over. It was in the papers and that was tough.
Me: When did you decide you were gonna write a book about him?
Cathy: I've been wanting to do this for years. I got married, had children, they were growing up into young teens, I had a low in my life where I lost my job and I thought if I don't do this now I'm never going to do it. I'm going to write Paul's life story, and I got in touch with a friend, Michael Airington, who does a great impersonation of Paul Lynde, he was kind enough to get me in touch with Paul Lynde's niece, Connie, and Connie's sister Nancy who were Paul's relatives that were the only ones I knew of that were around and I told her I wanted to write his life story. They were wonderful, they were kind enough to give me the first interview ever and they let me know what Paul was like as Uncle Paul, and they let me know how they spent Christmases, what gifts be bought them, how he interacted with their lives as they grew up with his parents. Once I had that it just dominoed into Peter Marshall coming forward giving a great interview. I got lucky and got published.
Me: Do you think Paul would like the book?
Cathy: I think he would. I think sometimes would he like everything I wrote in there because I wrote the good and bad, but I think he'd like it.
Me: That's cool. Cathy, thanks for being on the Phile. Say hello to Port Jeff for me.
Cathy: Thank you, Jason, it was a pleasure and it was fun and I will say hello to Port Jeff for you.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Cathy Rudolph for the interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with musician Joe Grushecky. Spread the word, not the turd. Don;t let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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