Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. It's the time of the Phile. Haha. How are you? New Yorkers are known for being rude, but they are often not given enough credit for how clever they can be with their rudeness. They don't just yell, "I'm walking here!" at cars and glare deep into the souls of anyone who dares to stand on the wrong side of the escalator in a subway station. They also have some very fun ways of letting out their frustration and existential dread, and this recent petition to rename the street that Trump Tower is on is no exception. An activist group is currently working on a petition that would change the stretch of 5th Ave between 56th Street and 57th Street to President Barack H. Obama Avenue. Seeing as Trump famously hates being outdone by Obama, I am obsessed with this epic trolling idea. The petition was launched on MoveOn, and already has over 16,000 signatures. The goal is to receive 20,000 signatures and to then pass the petition on to the city council, who must approve it before sending it to get the final go-ahead from New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio. So... this might actually happen. Praise be. Now all we need is a petition to rename the cross streets Obama's Inauguration Had A Larger Crowd Than Trump's and Obama Rocks and Trump Not. Someone fetch me a pen.
Members of the once popular girl band the Pussycat Dolls: where are they now? Well, I can't speak for all of them, but I can report that Kaya Jones has been spending some time on Twitter making transphobic comments through her complaints about liberal politics. Of course, the real tragedy here is that this woman is on Twitter saying hateful things. The Trump supporter is a frequent tweeter, and unfortunately one of her favorite rants to go on is the idea that there are "only two genders." Here's one of the tweets...
Aside from the crime of implying that Britney Spears is dumb, Jones is also incorrectly speaking about gender. The "science" she is claiming to know all about is that of sex, not gender. Also, as a science lover you would think she wouldn't be such a die hard fan of a man who doesn't believe in man-made climate change and was once quoted saying, "oceans are very small." Jones is clearly very vocal about her political beliefs on Twitter, and there's certainly no crime there. She's entitled to her own opinion. But that also means she's entitled to some backlash when she posts transphobic rhetoric with factual inaccuracies. And she became the receiver of some clapbacks when she tweeted about her issues with gender neutral bathrooms. Many were quick to point out that gender neutral bathrooms are not a concern. The replies go on and on, but Jones still seems to think she's in the right. Remind me not to have Jones as a guest on the Phile... not like that will happen.
Of course, you've heard of the Laurel Vs. Yanny debaucle, and you've undoubtedly lost a few friends over the blue vs. white dress debate, but have you stumbled across the famous 2012 tweet from Melania Trump that was once a picture of a whale but has now turned into a giraffe? Allow me to explain... Back in 2012 Melania Trump tweeted a picture of an adorable belgua whale bobbing in the water with the words "What is she thinking?" Is this the deepest tweet of all time? Is it the dumbest, most surface level tweet of all time? Is it proof that Melania knows something we all don't? Is it proof that her brain is essentially on a loop of fluffy thoughts that help her block out the fact that she's living a nightmare? These are all great questions, and yet they are besides the point at this time. The tweet as become notorious once again as people on the Internet noticed that the picture of the whale had somehow turned into a picture of a giraffe. Some users noted that it the image you saw depended on whether you were using an Android or an iPhone. But what could it mean??? My running theory was that someone got creative with the whole Melania, blink twice if you need us to save you, and changed it to Melania, change the famouse 2012 whale tweet to a giraffe if you need us to save you, but apparently there is a more "reasonable" explanation than this. An old article from Deadspin investigated a similar mystery, where a tweet from the Chicago Clubs weirdly changed into a picture of a porn star. Apparently, the URL of a photo can change, and thus the photo from the tweet becomes that of the new URL. Sure, this technically makes sense, but I'm not ruling out my theory that Melania is finally waving her white flag and is ready to join the resistance. And for the record, both the whale and the giraffe are probably thinking, "Tell your pumpkin pie of a husband to start caring about the planet he's killing so we can continue to have a home."
The scariest part about going on a date (besides being potentially entrapped and murdered) is incorrectly gauging how into you the other person is. There's nothing quite like getting home after a date and thinking you connected, or that it was a pleasant mismatch, only to find out the other person is telling horror stories. It's even worse to find yourself on a date with someone who is so lacking in self-awareness they don't realize they are emotionally terrorizing you. A recent viral Tweet proved just how differently two people can experience the same date. The University student paper at Newcastle has a "blind date" section where students get matched up and then report back later about their experience. A recent date between student Jordan Tapper and Sophia Kypriotis received vastly different reports from the two of them. According to Tapper, he felt awkward at first, as is natural on a blind date, but was eager to see where it went. However, when the conversation turned to politics, Tapper said they had some "disagreements" but all in all she was a nice woman. "We were both interested in politics so we started talking about it and found that we had quite different views. I think the fact that we were both into politics meant that we talked about it but it was more a discussion than clashing... Just because we disagreed on a few things, it doesn't take away from the fact I thought she was a nice person and was easy to talk to. I think we both saw there was just nothing romantic there, though." For Kypriotis, however, the conversation was one huge red flag... and she immediately felt disturbed when Tapper called feminism "toxic." "I really don't like to talk politics when I've just met someone and stayed as calm as I could and I tried to educate him on his rather misogynist views. He called feminism 'toxic' which allowed women to behave as 'slags'. I found this very insulting and I was actually very offended... We definitely won't be meeting again. I was shocked at his archaic, sexist views. I think it was pretty awful but he messaged me saying he had a pretty good time which I found confusing!" While they both could sense they weren't a match, it's clear that Tapper had no idea how much his date was suffering in the conversation. This checks out when you consider the fact that he thinks feminists are "toxic slags" and therefore probably isn't the best one to gauge a woman's comfort or enjoyment. Needless to say, they were obviously not a match. Sometimes, it's cathartic to remember just how rough it is out there, and that your romantic horror stories are far from isolated.
Did you have a good year last year? I know who didn't... Megyn Kelly, because she also got canceled. The former Fox News Blonde got millions of dollars to move to a less explicitly racist network, NBC, and it turns out that network television viewers have less patience for her unique brand of insisting that fictional character Santa Claus is white and that real-life minstrelsy is okay. In a segment about Halloween costumes, white lady Megyn Kelly argued that blackface, despite everything about its history, is chill. It isn't. Her ratings sucked anyway, so after these dumb, insensitive comments, NBC took the opportunity to cancel "Megyn Kelly Today." Kiss "Today" goodbye... and point me towards tomorrow.
I was thinking, instead of doing this blog thing I should be chilling and listening to this album...
Ummm... maybe not. There are times in 2018 where the Internet made people face palm.
Hahahahahaha. I wonder how long this person wondered if there was a gazoon loose... There were some clapbacks at MAGA trolls that made the Internet great again in 2018.
I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. So, I plan to see Aquaman finally today but seeing the movie poster I'm not too sure...
Maybe it's good. Hahahahaha. That's so stupid... that's as stupid as...
Ugh. So, it's 2019 and just as a reminder this is how we should be dressing...
They say if you go to Walmart you'll see some odd sights. I didn't believe it until I saw this...
Her's just a good ole boy... hahaha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...
Top Phive Signs You Might Be A College Student
5. You have ever price shopped for Top Ramen.
4. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. You consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
2. You have ever written a check for 45 cents. .
And the number one sign you might be a college student is...
1. You get more e-mail than snail mail.
Hahahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so a "friend" of the Phile gets owned on Fox News by her greatest enemy: facts. She wanted to come back here and talk about it. So, please welcome back to the Phile I guess...
Sarah: Oh, my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine... Hello, Jason.
Me: Hello, Sarah, so, what happened?
Sarah: Look, I have a tough job.
Me: Yeah, you have to stand in front of Americans everyday and tell straight up lies to protect her boss.
Sarah: It's exhausting...
Me: Somehow I don't feel bad for you at all, but I do imagine you are constantly on edge trying to avoid the one thing that can bring her down: facts. So, what happened?
Sarah: I came face to face with her feared opponent yesterday when I went on Fox News to discuss border security with Chris Wallace.
Me: So, what did you say?
Sarah: I attempted to claim that terrorists were coming into the U.S. through the southern border, but unfortunately for me, Wallace was equipped with the real facts on this issue.
Me: Ha! Like that?
Sarah: Wallace pointed out that there was no statistical evidence to confirm that any terrorists were coming through the southern border.
Me: I'm sure, Sarah, while you tried to dance her way around this fact, it was clear that you were at a loss here. Am I right?
Sarah: Yes. But personally, I love when Wallace interjected by calling me by my first name.
Me: Ha! Yeah, nothing says, "I'm sick of your bullshit," more than calling the White House Press Secretary "Sarah" on live television. I doubt you were prepared for Fox's Chris Wallace to have that factual statistic in his back pocket to use against you, and Sarah.
Sarah: Yeah, while I was able to weave my usual web of vague lies and claims to deflect the truth, I was clearly thrown off. Can I go now?
Me: Sure you can, Sarah. Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, kids. Happy New Year, Sarah.
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse." After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."
I apologize, that joke wasn't that funny. Haha. The 91st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Gary Busey will be the guest on the Phile a week from today... next Monday. That should be interesting.
Today's pheatured guest is an English singer, songwriter, musician, and record producer. His music career spans more than fifty years. He came to prominence in the mid 1960s as the bass guitarist and occasional lead vocalist of the English rock band the Zombies, who will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. The group scored British and American hits in 1964 with "She's Not There." In the U.S. two further singles, "Tell Her No" in 1965 and "Time of the Season" in 1968, were also successful. Their 1968 album "Odessey and Oracle" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile from the Zombies... Chris White.
Me: Hello, Chris, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Chris: I'm okay.
Me: So, I saw you last you guys last year on "Conan" and thought you guys did a great job. I have to show a screenshot from that show...
Me: Conan is shaking your hand. It's cool there's a Zombie "resurgence." What sparked this resurgence, do you know?
Chris: Yeah, I've got a feeling. People like Al Kooper first of all championed it, and Tom Petty which was wonderful and Paul Weller and Dave Grohl. They quoted us being an influence on them. So therefore they told their friends. Paul Weller said if someone hadn't had the album "Odessey and Oracle" he bought if for them. It's a great pleasure having the sort of people who we look up to quote it as being an influence on them. The same as American artists being an influence on us and made us excited.
Me: I like the album lot, and your song "She's Not There" from the first album. Before the "Odessey and Oracle" album you said had that one hit. So, what happened after that?
Chris: Is circumstances really. What happened is our manager sort of ripped us off with a couple of million. And it's culminated that we didn't have any work in London. It was in '67 and our manager said, "Boys, I've got ten days in Manila. We said, "You got nothing in England?" He said, "No, the Searchers have done it." We said what's the deal and he said, "Basically it's a hundred pounds a night." "Each?" He said, "No, between you." He of course took his 25% and we ended up making eighteen pounds a night... each. When we arrived in Manila after thirty hour plane journey we knew we were playing in a foyer of a hotel or a small club for ten days, when we arrived there there was thousands of kids at the airport. It was in the middle of the night, and we thought we were going to a hotel but they stopped outside this big building which turned out to be the second biggest astrodome next to Houston in the world. We found out that we were staying there and we were playing in front of thirty thousand people a night. It turned out to be quite a story because we find out we were being screwed then as he was getting a thousand pounds a night.
Me: How did you guys recover or continue after that?
Chris: There was a Chinese bank manger who basically said we were being screwed. He said, "After ten days I got an option for more." He made up for our lost of earnings and basically he said, "Why don't you ask for a thousand pounds a night?" The manager of the place thought we were going to screw him because we found out later there was two sets of contracts and we didn't know that. So they threatened us, they threatened that every time we tried to play somewhere the manager who try to stop us. The first place we played afterwards was burnt to the ground the next morning. We came back from the Philippines with no money but Rod and I were songwriters so were able to survive but the other three weren't. We came back with no manager and no record deal because Decca had dropped us. So Rod and I decided that we wanted to produce because the original producer was a great guy but he was old school so we were never allowed to be in the mix sessions. So we decided we wanted to produce the songs because we wrote them, Rod and I. We managed to get a thousand pounds from CBS and we managed to be one of the first non-EMI groups to get into Abbey Road. So Rod and I produced it and we only had a thousand pounds and we did the whole album for that.
Me: How did you budget your time in the studio?
Chris: We had rehearsed a lot because we had to do about two songs in three hours.
Me: So, did you know that you were making a great album or did you just rush through it?
Chris: No, actually we thought we have to go do it ourselves and we wrote as we went along. We rehearsed at a village hall somewhere before we went into the studio and we were lucky to have Geoff Emerick as our engineer. He got the great drum sounds and Peter Vince afterwards. There were great engineers at Abbey Road. Then CBS said stereo was very popular so we need to go back and mix it in stereo. It was only in four track and so Rod and I paid another thousand pounds to mix it in stereo.
Me: When it came out it wasn't a success, right?
Chris: No. One of the boys, Paul Atkinson who since passed away was getting married so we said there's no point getting replacements. Rod and I wanted to continue and Rod was forming a group which became Argent and Rod and I talked Colin into coming back into recording and we produced the first three albums.
Me: So, "odyssey" is misspelt, what happened there?
Chris: I was sharing a flat with the artist Terry Quirk at the time, Rod later came along and shared the flat as well so we wrote it in that flat. Terry was an old school friend of mine and I was at art college with him. So he just came in with the cover with the writing and thought it was good, not realising he spelt it wrong. Funny enough it took forty years for Colin to find out. We said it was a cross between "odyssey" and "ode." We made that story up and then he found out forty years later the artist got it wrong.
Me: So, what does "Odessy and Oracle" even mean?
Chris: We were just thinking of different stories. It's an odyssey, it's a journey. An oracle is just telling truths basically.
Me: Okay, I have to talk about the 60s, as I'm kinda fascinated by that era. The Zombies came along during the time of the British Invasion with the Beatles and the Kinks When the Beatles became popular world wide were you guys thinking we can do this too, that you want a piece of that? I would have been that way.
Chris: I think basically the Beatles were responsible. Nobody heard British music until the Beatles conquered America to be honest. They wrote great stuff. We went ito the studio after they finished "Sergeant Pepper." In fact Rod found out that John Lennon had left his Mellotron there, that's why it's on some of the tracks. We borrowed it in the studio.
Me: That's cool. So, was being famous something on your minds back then at all?
Chris: That term didn't come up honestly. It was the pleasure of playing to crowds of people and writing the songs and really getting a kick out of creating the music. That was the fun thing. The Beatles challenged the Beach Boys, the Beach Boys challenged the Beatles, that was the kind of thing that was going on. It was an exciting time for music, it really was.
Me: Colin Blunstone is a really good singer, Chris. When you and Rod wrote the songs for him to sing did you tell him how you wanted him to sing it?
Chris: No, we never tell Colin how to sing it, the same when he's wrong. Rod and I both when we started to write we wrote for Colin's range and his style.
Me: You were one of the guys who joined the band later on. How did you come to be a part of the band?
Chris: What happened was the original bass player who was two years younger than me, I'm two years older than all of them, basically he was from my school and was in the same year as Colin. He has to concentrate on his A levels at school to get to university. I was at art college for four years. I knew some people who were looking for new bass players and I went to rehearsals and thats when we started to do three part harmonies. I thought this was going to be fun.
Me: It's so cool that you guys are going to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is the third or fourth time you guys tried I think. Did you dream of this?
Chris: It's an honour but at my age, Jason, it's great pleasure and it is wonderful that we are in and I can play on the stage. It's a nice feeling and justification in the end that something that nobody wanted got us into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Of course Rod and Colin are playing great and their touring band is fantastic.
Me: I was surprised to see that the song "Butcher's Tale (Western Front 1914)" was the first single to be released from "Odessey and Oracle" in America. That's an odd song to be a single, right?
Chris: Yeah, that was a surprise to us actually.
Me: You wrote that song, Chris, what was the inspiration behind it?
Chris: I was reading books about the first Wold War because my uncle my mother was telling me joined when he was sixteen and got killed at the Battle of the Somme. Then I was reading a book I think was called "The Donkeys" which talked about the first day of the Battle of the Somme. There were sixty thousand casualties before breakfast. I was driving to rehearsal with the boys and I was suddenly overcome that sixty thousand families were affected by that one day before breakfast. It so shook me I had to drive off the road I was shaking, So I came up with that song.
Me: Why a butcher though?
Chris: I had been on Saturday mornings as a student I was a butchers boy. That was the first thing I did.
Me: You sing that song as well, right? How did you get to be the lead singer on that song?
Chris: Well, I sing on some of the others with a verse or something. Rod and Colin said, "You might to sing that, you sound like a casualty already." Hahaha.
Me: Okay, so, what about "Beechwood Park"? Where is that?
Chris: I love that song actually. The village I lived outside of St. Albans my father had a general store and we used to deliver groceries to this private girls school that was called Beechwood Park. And then I used to learn to drive there because I was underage for driving and it had private roads and everything and I thought that was a great title for a song. Those things I mentioned in it had really happened.
Me: You and Rod were the primary songwriters, so was there any competition between you both?
Chris: There was never a competition. Rod is always the main arbiter in the end, We work together and he suggested to me we put our joint names in all the songs we write after that and he had the two big hits. That was very generous of him and then I wrote "Hold Your Head Up," he always quotes me doing that and I don't regret giving half to him because we worked together. Everyone was working together. The band happened that way.
Me: I read that when you first came to America you were the first band to appear on the TV show "Hullabaloo," is that right?
Chris: Yeah, that's right. It was the first color television we'd seen.
Me: What was it like for you when the girls went crazy over you guys?
Chris: Don't forget I was two years older than the others and I was able to drink in New York. They were just out of school, they were going to go to university and they said let's try to for six months. That was 56 years ago.
Me: So, when things come to an end Argent is formed and it's pretty much the same band but with a different name practically, am I right?
Chris: No, it's not really, it's just Rod. Then we had a different drummer, Bob Henrit and Jim Rodford, Rod's cousin who sadly died last year and Russ Ballard. Rod and I put the band together.
Me: Ahhh, okay. I have to say "Hold Your Head Up" is a great song. Is that your biggest hit as a songwriter?
Chris: I think, yes. Graham Nash said to me his fiancée wants it to be their wedding song.
Me: You stopped performing and took a backseat and just write. Why did you decide to do that?
Chris: Because writing is the main thing. I was going to be a painter and designer, when I started to write songs the whole focus went on to that. I liked being in the studios, I liked creating the sounds. There are better bass places around to be quite honest. Jim Rodford was a much better bass player than me. I'm a songwriter who plays bass really. I recognise my limitations.
Me: Were you not interested in trying to be a rock star? Not every rock star is a great musician but they are rock stars.
Chris: Well, to be quite honest, I think writing is the most exciting thing. Especially later in life. I once had an accident and wound up in the hospital and the bloke in the bed opposite said, "I heard you wrote 'Hold Your Head Up,' I just want to tell you that song saved my life." Several other people have said that sort of thing to me. That's the pleasure to me. The same thing I got songs that when I was a teenager growing up challenged excited me. It's nice to have someone come up to me and say that song affects them, emotionally, challenged them and affected them. Now that is the biggest pleasure.
Me: Good point. Did I read that the Zombies was going to be turned into a musical?
Chris: Yes, that's right. Terry Quirk who I said was in art college and did the original cover he and I have been writing about one specific period of my life.
Me: Last year I got to interview Paul McCartney which was one of the biggest thrills for me. Did you ever rub shoulders with him or the other Beatles?
Chris: No, we didn't actually. When we were touring we only saw people on the motorway on the way home in the 60s. But we did play with the Who and we did tour with Del Shannon. Del Shannon turned up at one of our gigs and said we backed him once in London. We liked Del a lot and the Isley Brothers and Dionne Warwick.
Me: My dad was in Savoy Brown back then, Chris. Ever cross paths with him? He was Lonesome Dave.
Chris: Yeah, a bit. Crossing paths, it seems like a long time ago. I never hung out with him at all I'm afraid.
Me: I was wondering being called the Zombies at a time when zombies are fashionable with TV shows and movies kinda helped you guys. Do you think that could be it?
Chris: Maybe so. It's very difficult to know what makes a success, isn't it? The music is the most important thing.
Me: I read somewhere that ZZ Top used to go out as the Zombies or something? Were you aware of this?
Chris: Yeah, I have. Basically Rod always said when the Zombies pack it in we are going out as a tribute band to ZZ Top. Haha.
Me: Hahaha. So, did you ever do a solo album? I don't think so, right?
Chris: No, there's another artist called Chris White who everyone mistakes me for. He's dead I'm afraid. He had a song called "Spanish Wine" and I had been living in Spain and I wrote a song called "Andorra" which Colin recorded. This guy said, "I've got your album, I must wish home and get it." Before I could say anything he came back all sweaty but it was this other Chris White and I said, "I can't sign that, that's not me." He said, "I think you'll find it is."
Me: That's funny. So, what's your highlight of your whole career, Chris?
Chris: Paul Weller came along to our concerts in 2008 and I went up to him because I liked what he'd done. He went to all three concerts and he came backstage and I went up to him and said, "Paul, we haven't met, I'm Chris White..." He said, "Chris White," and he gave me a great big bear hug and he said, "You're the reason I started writing songs." That's really one of the most amazing things, when people I respect say something like that I think life has been worthwhile.
Me: That's so cool. I hope to have Paul on this blog this year. Chris, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Tell Colin and Rod I'd love to have them here as well. Good luck at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. You guys rock.
Chris: Thank you, Jason.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Chris White for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with another British music legend... Carl Palmer. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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