Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about a racist white woman attacking a subway rider. The man who citizen's-arrested her is NYC's newest superhero. Yep. A woman attacked someone while spewing racist slurs on the subway this week. And a guy who goes by the nickname Platano Man not only filmed the whole thing, but completed a citizen's arrest on the attacker. The woman, who's been identified as Anna Lushchinskaya, actually turns out to be a repeat offender when it comes to subway attacks... but I'll get to that later. In the video from Tuesday, Luschinskaya can be seen repeatedly yelling "fuck off" at another woman, and later calling her a "fucking chink." The victim appears not to be bothering Luschinskaya, while other straphangers are clearly appalled at and befuddled by Luschinskaya's behavior. At one point, Luschinskaya can be seen tying up her hair and securing her belongings. She grabs some keys and an umbrella, and lets loose on her victim while other subway riders try to hold her back. The earlier parts of the altercation weren't recorded. But in the video, all you can see is Lushchinskaya repeatedly kicking and attempting to hit the woman with her umbrella. She also yells a racial slur her. Juan Ayala, alias Platano Man, records the whole thing and interjects with commentary. "It's too early for this shit," he says. "She's not even fighting you back, bitch." Another video shows Luschinskaya being racist toward Ayala, as well, according to Gothamist. Another video from a different angle appears to show Ayala continuing to record Lushchinskaya. "Fucking Mohamed Atta," she mutters, apparently referring to one of the 9/11 hijackers. "What? Bitch, I'm Dominican," Ayala responds, laughing. Ayala posted his video to various social media networks. He later added that he'd completed a citizen's arrest on Luschinskaya, successfully detaining her until the police arrived. Gothamist confirmed the story, and also revealed that Luschinskaya is an alleged serial offender when it comes to virulent subway attacks. Luschinskaya was arrested on June 28th in the 36th Street D/N/R subway station in Sunset Park after allegedly spraying a substance into two people's faces. Lushchinskaya was charged with two counts of misdemeanor assault. Another alleged victim, who asked not to be named out of fear of being attacked again, said she had exited the R train at the 4th Avenue/9th Street station this past Monday morning, and was transferring to the F when she walked by a woman she now says was 40-year-old Anna Lushchinskaya. Thank goddess someone finally citizen's-arrested her. As all city-dwellers know, it can be tough to call the cops on an assailant when you are literally stuck underground next to them. Fittingly, Ayala has been immortalized with the holy grail of NYC accomplishments: a flattering New York Daily News cover.
A 7-year-old Guatemalan girl named Jackeline Caaldied in Border Patrol custody after crossing into New Mexico last week. MSNBC is reporting that the child did not receive emergency medical attention for 90 minutes after showing symptoms of dehydration and exhaustion. When most people hear about the death of a child who was taken by the United States Department of Homeland Security, they think "that is devastating and tragic. It should never have happened and it should never happen again." Tomi Lahren, of "the highlight of my Thanksgiving was watching children get tear-gassed" fame, wants you to STAY WOKE throughout this outrage over dead child. To Toxic Laryngitis, this is but a cynical ploy by the media to hold Border Patrol accountable for deaths under their watch. Listen up SNAKES! While the child taken into custody might legally be a ward of the state, the state is not to blame! People in the comments are asking, "just HOW terrible a person are you?" What's wrong with caring about kids dying, Tamela? In previous tweets, Tinkle Lawnmower boasted Border Patrols humanity in caring for those in their custody. Apparently Border Patrol is only responsible for people in their custody when they don't die, and not when they do.
Hot off of being sentenced to three years in prison, Donald Trump's criminal lawyer Michael Cohen sat down with George Stephanopoulos (not to be confused with fellow Trump felon George Papadopoulos) to talk about the various crimes he pled guilty too, and how the president knew about all of them. Cohen declared what prosecutors know to be true... that Trump himself directed him to arrange the hush-money payments to women who allegedly had affairs with Trump, a Playboy bunny and porn star, respectively. Stephanopoulos read one of Trump's many tweets about Cohen, in which the president insisted that he didn't tell Cohen to break the law and Cohen pled guilty just to embarrass him. Cohen, with a mopey demeanor and perma-frown, basically called bullshit. "He knows the truth, I know the truth, others know the truth, and here is the truth: The people of the United States of America, people of the world, don't believe what he is saying. The man doesn't tell the truth. And it is sad that I should take responsibility for his dirty deeds," Cohen said. Stephanopoulos asked Cohen why he spent ten years lying on Trump's behalf. "Out of loyalty," Cohen explained. "I followed a bad path and hence how we started this conversation." He's now saying that it was loyalty the boss man did not deserve. Cohen refuted Trump's claim that he never directed him to do anything illegal, saying that that's impossible to believe considering the fact that "nothing at the Trump organization was ever done unless it was run through Mr. Trump." He also blew up the talking point that the hush-money payments weren't made to influence the election, as Cohen pointed out how this all went down in the wake of the "grab them by the pussy" tape. Cohen also insists that Trump met the standard of "consciousness of guilt," knowing full well that crimes were crimes. The prisoner-to-be raised the possibility that Trump has been lying to federal investigators, a felony in its own right, because Trump is... wait for it... a habitual liar. The breakup with Trump was tough for Cohen. Not only because it's sending him to prison, but also because he and Trump had fun doin' crimes at the Trump Organization pre-Trump presidency. The guy who kidnaps kids is very different from the guy who simply committed tax fraud. The interview ended with the Human Long Island Accent issuing some words of advice to his former BFF: lay off Twitter, and do your job. "Uh, joke's on you, tweeting is my job," Trump is likely to tweet.
A former staffer on "The Celebrity Apprentice" is breaking his NDA and spilling the tea on the Trump family. More accurately: he's spilling the speed. Former talent handler and current stand up comic Noel Casler talked about working with Donald Trump on "The Apprentice" and his teen beauty pageants in the 90s. According to Casler, Donald Trump is a "speed freak" who snorts Adderall, which is something we didn't know... and he's also a perv who invited teen beauty pageants up to his suite, which we knew already. Casler's description of Trump's behavior at beauty pageants is consistent with everything we've seen and heard already. "I worked on a bunch of those beauty pageants he had in the nineties too. That was a good idea, Miss Teen Universe? Yeah, that’s like giving Jeffrey Dahmer a cooking show. He would line up the girls on the side of the stage, and he would inspect them literally, he would stick his little freaking doll fingers in their mouth and look at their teeth. I’m not kidding, this is true, he would line them up like they were pieces of meat. He’d be like, 'You, you, and you, if you want to win I’m in the penthouse suite, come and see me.' Yep. If Trump had a cooking show they’d caught the douchebag diet. McDonald’s, chocolate ice cream, and girls that look like Ivanka are all he ever eats. Now here's where the tea is fresh. Casler claims that the president is a "speed freak," "who crushes up his Adderall and he sniffs it because he can’t read, so he gets really nervous when he has to read the cue cards." "That's why he's sniffling when you see him during the debates.. .that's why he's tweeting... he's out of his mind. I’m not kidding, this is true. I had a 24-page NDA non-disclosure agreement, I didn’t know that he was becoming president, now it’s no way dumbass, I’m telling you everything I know," Casler said. Casler... welcome to the resistance. This "speed freak" business is circulating on Twitter and people are saying that it would make a lot of sense. He's living every college student's dream. I'm reserving judgment until I see evidence... that the president isn't on speed.
Melania Trump is a sugar baby who got in too deep and we need to stop letting her represent our country. Not to say that gold-digging sugar babies can't be intelligent (in fact I would say they're the savviest among us) but when you plagiarize the speech of the FLOTUS from the administration that your now president husband hates, or when you're an immigrant who had children in the United States but accuses other immigrants with children of having "anchor babies," maybe you should just stay silent. While it isn't her fault that her husband is an egomaniacal fast food-fueled toddler who got famous for playing a game of Monopoly on America, she is responsible for what she says. The Internet is currently dragging Melania for her Sean Hannity interview on Fox News during which she not only featured a new blonde look, but also had some interesting thoughts on the biggest challenges of her job as FLOTUS. Keep in mind that this is also the woman who claimed to be the "most bullied person in the world." People are especially hung up on the part when Melania accuses comedians, journalists, and "book writers" of using the Trump name to advance their careers. Um, nobody wants the Trump name attached to their careers, Melania. Comedians and bloggers such as myself are making fun of your family because it's a comedian's job to make fun of ridiculous things.
Okay, so, instead of doing this blog thing I should be chilling and listening to this album...
Ummm... maybe not. Sometimes times people got their asses saved by a total stranger. Not all humans are the worst. Like this man giving a fellow beach-goer his ideal profile pic...
Hahaha. He's a better man than I am. I don't know my neighbors to well, so I'm glad I never have to deal with anything like this...
Actually I live in an apartment so wouldn't have to. If you ever think about cheating on your loved one you might wanna think twice after seeing this...
Man oh man. I bet he regrets what he did. Do you know what makes me laugh? Old people with inappropriate t-shirts...
It's also a pun. Haha. I don't know about you but I love to shop. Not a lot of guys do though. Like this guy...
Haha. So, is your kid in school as witty as this kid?
Sushi. Ha. So, Christmas is right around the corner and you might be trying to think what to get for your wife or girlfriend. Well, I'm here to help. How about foot cozy heated slippers?
These heated foot slippers, which are only forty dollars, provide relief for tired, cold, or sore feet. Simply toss these one-size-fits-all slippers into the microwave and enjoy the comfort of an enveloping warmth combined with an aromatherapy blend of cinnamon, clove, and eucalyptus. Foot Cozy Heated Slippers contain a removable, scented grain insert which absorbs and then releases the heat from the microwave. Foot Cozys can also be put into the freezer for cold therapy. They are also machine washable. So, sit back, kick your feet up and relax while these heated slippers transform your tired, achy soles into soft, nice feet. I might want a pair... kidding! Did you see the trailer for the new Avengers movie yet? I didn't but heard there's a new Iron Man. Take a look...
Hahahahaha. Okay, so, one of the best things about the Internet is you can see porn for free and so easily. But if you are at work you can get in trouble so I have a solution...
You're welcome, everybody. So, wanna laugh?
A man died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets him and says, "Welcome. Come walk with me and I'll show you where you'll be staying."As they're walking along the path he notices clocks on the Golden Fence of Heaven. He asks St. Peter, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "They’re clocks for every person in the world. They click once for each time you lie." By the time they reach where the man is staying, he asks out of curiosity, "I didn't see any politicians’ clocks. Where are they kept?" St. Peter calmly replies, "People here use them as fans."
That's a good one. Crazy Elf. So, a magician friend of the Phile did a show this weekend and I was wondering how it went so I thought I'd invite him back to the Phile. So, please welcome again...
Me: Hey, David, how ere you doing?
David: I'm okay, Jason, how are you?
Me: Pretty good. So, how did your show go this past weekend?
David: Well... I performed at a fakir show I was at a fakir show and I chose this beautiful woman to do a trick with broken glass.
Me: Broken glass? This can't be good. What's the setup?
David: There was broken glass all over the floor, I would lie down on my stomach and I would get the woman to step down on to my back from a stool.
Me: Okay, so, what happened?
David: Unfortunately, she was drunk and absolutely unable to stand unassisted on a stool. So while I was getting ready to lie down, she stumbled off directly into the broken glass with her bare feet.
Me: She was bare footed? Why?
David: They were bare because she was about to stand on the fakir.
Me: Okay. So, what did the audience do?
David: The audience gasped!
Me: And this woman?
David: She looked down in wonder at her totally not bleeding feet before announcing loudly, "Don't worry, guys, it's just plastic."
Me: Plastic? It was broken glass?
David: Of course not, that would be stupid, Jason.
Me: Ha! Well, I guess she thought the show was with a fakir and not a faker. Hahahaha. Stick to cards, David. David Coppafeel, the world's worst magician, everybody.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, there's a bunch of common expressions I had no idea were homophobic AF. A friend of the Phile wanted to come back and tell us about one phrase and correct us. So, here again is...
Hello, everybody. Today's word is "sucks." To most people, saying something “sucks” means it's low quality or inferior. Saying someone “sucks” means they are terrible at something, most likely sports or playing music. It’s such a part of our everyday language that even children are known to use the term without seeming offensive. But the term originated as gay slur mocking the practice of oral sex between two men. It assumes that the practice is somehow degrading; therefore, people who “suck” should be ashamed of themselves. Come to think of it, maybe we should start using the term “sucks” as a compliment?
Phact 1. Dennis Rader aka BTK Killer (Bind, Torture, Kill) worked for a home security company. He installed alarms as a part of his job, and many of his clients had booked the company to stop BTK from ever entering their homes, unaware that BTK himself was installing them.
Phact 2. An abandoned turnpike tunnel through a mountain in Pennsylvania has been secretly used by NASCAR for race car testing over the last ten years... only recently have they revealed details about its operations to the prying public.
Phact 3. Saving Private Ryan is the last film edited on a non-digital editing system to win an Academy Award for editing.
Phact 4. Bee’s discreet sense of smell, equivalent to a dog’s, is being exploited as a much cheaper way to detect various odors in the environment. There is a device called the Vasor 136 containing 36 cartridges each containing one bee. Each bee is trained to a different smell. Light sensors detect when their tongues stick out determining which smell is present.
Phact 5. A and B antigens are also present in gorilla’s blood.
Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum and is a Canadian musician, songwriter, film composer, producer, actor, and author. He is best known for his work as lead guitarist and primary songwriter for The Band, whose album "Music From Big Pink" celebrated its 50th anniversary this year. Please welcome back to the Phile the great... Robbie Robertson!
Me: Hello, Robbie, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been, sir? I can't believe you are back on the Phile.
Robbie: Not bad, Jason, thanks.
Me: So, this year is the 50th anniversary of the Band's debut album "Music From Big Pink." What was Big Pink like, Robbie?
Robbie: It wasn't very special. It was ugly. But it was out in the middle of a hundred acres. And we were coming from New York City where we were having a lot trouble finding places, the guys in the band and myself, where we could develop our sound. Where we could discover what all of this led up to. In the city we were struggling going from one place to another, there were places that we could use and we could only use them at nine o'clock at night, so we would adapt to that. Then we couldn't do that anymore and we had to find another place.
Me: When you first arrived at Big Pink what did you think?
Robbie: This had been a dream of mine for a long time, to find a place that we could escape to. That we could go and create with privacy, not bother anybody, nobody bothers us. And we could really make the discovery and I could do the songwriting that I felt like Levon had been leading up to for a long time.
Me: Where is Big Pink? Woodstock New York, I think, right?
Robbie: It's just outside of Woodstock, over near West Saugerties, New York.
Me: So, when you first saw it what did it look like?
Robbie: It didn't matter what the place looked like. It had what we needed. It was big enough where it had bedrooms where the guys in the band could stay. But for me it was all about this basement that we could put our equipment down there. We could set up and have a very minor set up that we could do this discovery process of music. It proved to be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Me: The album wasn't recorded at Big Pink though, right?
Robbie: No, I told John Simon who produced the record I wanted it to sound just like it did in the basement. Even though the record wasn't recorded in Big Pink it does have that vibe.
Me: I totally agree. So, I want to ask you about a few songs on the record, sir. Let's start of with the song that opened the album, "Tears of Rage." That song was written by Bob Dylan and Richard Manuel. Even though that song was recorded Dylan and the Band for "The Basement Tapes" it was released on "Music From Big Pink" first. What memories do you have of recording the original version?
Robbie: It was the first song that we recorded for "Music From Big Pink."
Me: Is that why it's the first song on the record?
Robbie: Yeah. We just got used to it that way. When we went into the studio and we were making this transition from the basement into what was regarded as the best recording studio in New York, A&R Studios, Phil Ramone's place. It had already been a legendary place of recording. It had been the old Columbia Studios, the main studio. Anyway, we go in, these engineers that work there, they really know what they're doing. They say, "Okay, here's what we do, you sit over there, you sit there, and we got everything organized so it's going to sound just the way we like it to sound. It's going to sound great."
Me: Do you think they wanted it to sound slick?
Robbie: It's going to sound like what we're famous for.
Me: Was it a big difference recording there at the studio opposed the basement?
Robbie: We started and ran over a couple of songs and we decided we were going to try this "Tears of Rage" tune. We started to play it and I stopped it in the middle of it and I said, "You know, there's a certain way that we work and the way that we communicate musically. And we can't see one another. We can't do that, this doesn't work at all." I said, "Here's what we need to do, we need to set up in this circle like we do in the basement. We communicate through eye signals, through gestures, through all kinds of things, that we speak to one another in a musical language and that's how we understand the arrangement of what we're playing. And that's how we dictate our dynamics to one another." So they couldn't been more disinterested in what I was trying to plead. I set up these microphones and we could see one another and it felt good. We played the song down and they recorded it and the engineer said, "Wow, this is not too bad actually. I don't know why but it actually got a sound. It doesn't sound like the studio but it's starting to come together." So we played it again then John said, "You guys got to come in and hear this." So we went in and listened and when we heard what we're hearing, when we listened to this record, when we heard what was coming out the speakers, that was the first time that we heard this sound of the Band. That was it. We looked at one another and knew what we needed to do right then and there, to complete this experiment that we were thinking it was of discovering what we sound like. It was sort of baptism by fire. So we broke all the rules but it worked out in our favour.
Me: You could say that again. "To Kingdom Come" is one of the rare Band songs that you sing on. Why is that?
Robbie: Well, I wrote it and played it for the guys and they said, "Well, you should sing this." And I said I always thought my place in this is I need to come up with ideas, I need to think of sings, I need to think of arrangement. I need to talk about textures, and the sound and noise that we were going to make. I thought these guys were like the cast of characters in this and if I could cast them great we will have something here. It was like no, no, no, I had to come out from "behind the camera" and play this part. I said, "No, no, no." But the guys insisted and so I came out from "behind the camera." as I put it and sang this one.
Me: What was it like recording that song?
Robbie: When we recorded this song, I don't know, we might've only played it twice or three times or something, by then we were kind of set up in our circle and we got it just like that. It felt so good. We had a lot of fun recording this tune. Years later my friend and the great producer Daniel Lanois, said to me, "When I heard that song it changed things for me." He said, "It's one of my favourite pieces that the Band ever recorded." So that was a nice compliment.
Me: I love the song "Chest Fever," Robbie. What do you think of that song?
Robbie: When we recorded that song we had run over that song in the basement and tried it a few different ways. When we recorded this song and I was listening back to it I thought I'm not sure that I understand what this is. But I know I never heard this before. I never heard anything quite like this before and maybe it's good.
Me: It is good. How do you feel about it now?
Robbie: I feel exactly the same way. I think I never quite heard anything like that before. But it's really enjoyable hearing it. Garth plays amazing on it. Just the sound of the Band on this thing is such an individual thing.
Me: I can't believe last time you were here I didn't mention "The Weight," my favorite song the Band did. I love the version from "The Last Waltz," which I want played at my funeral. I interviewed Mavis Staples on the Phile a couple of weeks ago and she said she still sings that song every night. What made you guys decide to work with the Staple Singers?
Robbie: One of the reasons is I love the Staple Singers, and there were even some vocal things that I did with the Band that were inspired by a certain way that they sang and certain harmonies that they would do. And so the idea when we were in "The Last Waltz" that we wanted to do something that had a gospel music connection. There was only one way to go in that and that was the Staple Singers to me.
Me: Mavis told some funny stories about you guys working together. What was that experience like for you?
Robbie: The experience that we had with Roebuck Staples and Mavis Staples in recording that it was so unique, is special. The Staple Singers recorded "The Weight" after "Music From Big Pink" came out, the Staple Singers covered it. We had been listening to them for years but they only sang gospel music. Up to this point they were crossing over and they were making amazing records and they decided to cover "The Weight."
Me: Was it cool for you that they did that?
Robbie: It was. As a songwriter I thought okay, I'm good now, if the Staple Singers sing this everything's all right.
Me: Haha. I looked up Big Pink and found out someone can rent Big Pink as a rental for about five hundred and fifty bucks a night. Have you heard that?
Robbie: I heard something about that. And if I'm not mistaken somebody told me that they actually did that. Oh yeah, a friend of mine said somebody in his family went and did that and they stayed there and they said it was great but it was a little bit haunted. Well, I'm not surprised in that.
Me: Hahahahaha. Have you ever gone back?
Robbie: I did. I went back some years ago. I was doing "CBS Sunday Morning," or something and they wanted to go back to Big Pink and we did. The place hadn't changed hardly at all which I kind of liked that. I like the idea that there was still something original about it, and it felt like home. I might go back again and AirBnB it.
Me: Hahahaha. I want to do that as well. Robbie, thanks so much for being on the Phile again. Please cone back soon.
Robbie: That's very nice of you. Thank you.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Robbie Robertson for a cool interview and coming back on the Phile. The Phile will be back on Wednesday with A Peverett Phile Christmas 10 Pheaturing Rod Stewart. Yep. It'll be cool. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
No comments:
Post a Comment