Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday and the last entry of 2018. It would feel deeply dishonest to pretend 2018 was a run-of-the-mill year when it comes to the newscycle. If you were paying attention, it's likely the last year gave you emotional and intellectual whiplash from all of the constant corruption and truly unreal political scandals. With the constant stream of bad news and the culture of panic that goes alongside it, it's easy to miss the good news and all of the seemingly small wins that add up to progress. The year 2018 was nothing if not a rollercoaster ride. On a macro level, the ex-porn star Stormy Daniels cemented herself as a national hero for everyone who hates Trump, Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford represented sexual assault survivors across the world with her powerful and painful statement against Brett Kavanaugh, and Lady Gaga proved her acting chops alongside Bradley Cooper in the tear-jerker A Star is Born.
The holidays can be an extra psychologically painful time of year when you've recently lost a loved one, or when you live far away from those you love the most. All of the messaging about family time during the holidays and holding on to those you love can only intensify feelings of loss and loneliness. So, it's extra delightful to read stories about people pushing past time and space to connect during the holidays. For one father named Hal, spending the holiday with loved ones required extra effort this year. Since his daughter Pierce works as a flight attendant and wasn't able to get the holiday off, and his wife passed away earlier in the year, Hal decided to buy a total of five flights so he could spend the holiday with his daughter. When Hal's seat partner, Mike Levy, heard his story... he was immediately touched and shared it with the Internet (with Hal and Pierce's consent). I immediately want to see Hal's story made into a contemplative movie. Mostly though, Hal's love for his daughter (which she obviously returns) made people feel all warm and fuzzy and temporarily full of faith in humanity.
The best Christmas presents are oftentimes the least expected ones. It's easy enough to make a list and hope people will check it off for you, but that type of gift giving is so transactional. It's like making a grocery list and sending the family to fulfill it instead of letting them cook you their favorite meal. Instead of going the safe route and getting their father something he'd thought up himself, the Twitter user Melia and her sister got creative this Christmas. Up until now, their dad has refused to switch his phone from Android to iPhone because he doesn't want to lose a voicemail from his deceased mother. Rather than make their dad choose between grieving memories of a loved one and functional technology, his daughters were able to transfer the voicemail into a teddy bear for him. At first, he thought it was merely a cute teddy bear, but when he pressed the paw and the message was revealed it brought back a flood of memories. The video quickly went viral causing a domino effect of big feelings, and many chimed in to share the voicemails they've saved from lost or deceased loved ones. Since hearing the voice of someone you lost elicits memories and such a strong feeling of togetherness, it makes sense that a lot of people have voicemails saved. Melia and her sister's expression of love towards their father, combined with his tenderness towards his deceased mom ignited waterworks across the Internet. I'll be right back, I have to go fetch myself a big stack of Kleenex.
Okay, I'm back... The holidays are a time for expressions of love, catching up with family and friends you haven't seen in ages, and reflecting on your year. At least, that's what the holidays mean in Hallmark movies where everyone has pristine white teeth and a Bing Crosby record is humming in the background. In reality, the holidays can feel like an escape room between you, food that will glue you to the couch in a depression, and the one aunt with annoying questions. Luckily, there are endless ways to spice up the holiday dynamics in your favor... and they don't all involve hiding away in your childhood room. Two years ago the Twitter user Judy Brown went viral after she pranked her dad by stuffing his Ferrero Rochers with brussel sprouts.
Since he was fully traumatized and feared the chocolates thereafter, she gracefully took a year off the prank to regain trust. Her kindness towards her dad was limited, because this year she was at it again. She even gave her Twitter followers a play-by-play so they can take note and torture their favorite family members in the future. The devil is truly in the details here, you have to wrap these nasty buggers like you mean it. Despite her immaculate job, her dad was still suspicious at first and kept his distance. When he finally let his guard down, Brown made sure to keep her cool so he wouldn't suspect anything. At first, the outer layer of chocolate did not betray him and he ate in delight. But it didn't take long for the brussel sprout filling to kick in and ruin his post-breakfast chocolate experience. Brown wrote that she has no doubt her father will havoc revenge, but it was all worth it to see his face writhe in disgust. Naturally, the equally evil people of Twitter were in awe of Brown's detailed dedication to this prank. I have a feeling her dad will never eat Ferrero Rocher again, at least, not if she's within a mile of the house.
I know that people were thirsty for Jason Momoa, but I didn't know they were THIS thirsty. Australian company Geeky Sex Toys (tagline: Toys for the Naughty Nerd) has released a limited addition Aquaman dildo that is guaranteed to get you... um... wet. The dildo is of course called the Aquamoan, and only 500 available, so if you want to dive in, order now. This is it...
The dildo pays tribute to the original dorky color scheme from the comics, which is slightly more rugged in the Momoa version. It looks like it has a suction cup and can stick to your shower wall so you can have fun with Aquaman in the water. The Aquamoan joins fellow Justice League members, Batt-Plug and Supercock.
Hahaha. Other highlights from this cursed company include a Pikachu butt plug, a dildo at the end of Thor's hammer, and a Tardis "tard-ass" for "Doctor Who" fans yearning to be flogged. f you're horny for superheroes but prefer Marvel Comics to DC, good news! There's both the Orgasms of the Galaxy...
And The Avengers: Pleasure War...
Have fun, nerds!
Okay, the last story of the year can't be about geek dildos and such. So here is a story about a woman who takes a Grandmas Gone Wild photoshoot for her husband. It's all too perfect. The last thing most of us want to think about is our parents getting sexy for each other. Obviously, we wouldn't exist if it wasn't for them getting it on, but the existential connection doesn't make thinking about it any less uncomfortable. However, not all adult children still shudder at the concept of their parents getting fresh. In fact, this Christmas the photographer Samantha Bishop of Roaming Magnolias Photography acted as a wing woman to her mom by taking a customized sexy photo shoot titled "Grandmas Gone Wild." It all started when Samantha's mom, Lisa Bishop, said she was down to model for a photo shoot as long as it featured her beloved crocheting yarn. It didn't take long for Samantha to suggest they fill a bath tub with her mom's yarn and turn it into a very playful and sensual photo shoot to later be gifted to Mr. Bishop. The Grandmas Gone Wild photos quickly went viral for how fun and creative they were. Samantha caught her mom from every angle, resting in the yarn, playing with the yarn, and giving the sultry eyes to the camera. Here's one of the pics...
While the Internet fell in love with the photo shoot itself, the best part of all of it was Samantha's dad's reaction to the present.
His quick transformation from shocked to giggling and pleased is so full of love... it's clear the marriage is still full of sweetness. This is just the kind of wholesome restoration of faith in humanity that we need to cap off 2018.
So, I've been saying for awhile now sometimes people got their asses saved by a total stranger. Not all humans are the worst. Like this baby who knew another bus rider needed some cheering up...
I'm not really into manscaping but if I was I think I'd want to get this done...
Is that manscaping? I am thinking about getting another tattoo though but someone took my idea...
Damn them. Hahaha. So, I was told that at Walmart you can see some crazy things. I didn't believe it until I saw this...
Do you like Hot Pockets? There's a new flavor that just came out...
Did koi used to read the "Sweet Valley Twins" books. I think my sister did, and I am wondering if she read this one...
Haha. I mentioned Aquaman earlier. Did you see the poster for the movie? I think Disney had something to do with their first DC movie...
That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...
Haha. Hey, it's Thursday. Guess what that means...
Ugh! That's fucking disgusting. Moving on... it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.
Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile for the last entry of 2018. How are you and how was your Christmas?
Jeff: Hey, Jason, glad to be back on the Phile. I had a pretty good Christmas. I hope you and your readers did as well!
Me: I did. This has been the biggest year for the Phile. What do you think the big highlight was? What was it for you?
Jeff: Oh without a doubt it was a huge year for the Phile. You have become the talk of my office with your levels of guests. As much of a fan of NPH as I am, he's not Sir Paul McCartney. So yeah. It's hard to top that!
Me: Speaking of Neil Patrick Harris, who is the biggest celebrity, he or today's guest Jeff Goldblum?
Jeff: Honestly that's a tough call. Goldblum and NPH are both great actors. Well, Goldblum is a great ham actor. Both are guys I'd love to have a beer with but if I'm picking one, it's NPH.
Me: Okay, enough about me... let's talk football. Did you see this?
Me: Ndamukong Suh tried to gouge Larry Fitzgerald’s eyes out. That's not surprising, right?
Jeff: No, I'm not surprised by that. Suh has always been a dirty player. DIdn't expect him to go all Larry, Curly and Moe out there. I mean this is a guy I used to refer to as Foot Stomper.
Me: Ha! The Falcons' punter Matt Bosher says he was randomly drug tested after huge hit on returner. I don't think the drug tests are random, do you?
Jeff: They can say the drug tests are random, but Eric Reid of the Panthers would proof that. He's been drug tested five teams already this year.
Me: What NFL news do you have?
Jeff: There isn't a whole lot of news this week. Some teams secured playoff seating while the Steelers choked and are now on the outside looking in.
Me: Great Britain has yet taken over another team...
Jeff: That's a good one! Plus it doubles for a Bond movie!
Me: Ha! You're right. Alright, so, are you still beating me? How did we do last week?
Jeff: Well, both our teams lost. I went 1-1 and you went 0-2. So I gained a little bit of a lead. 40-33
Me: Shit. Let's pick the games for the last week of the regular season... Bills by 3 and Falcons by 6. What do you say?
Jeff: My picks are Texans by 5 and Bears by 8.
Me: Okay, my friend, I will see you back here next Wednesday. Have a safe New Years and have fun.
Jeff: Happy New Year!
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, even though it's almost 2019 there's this guy who still loves like it's the 90s. He wanted to stop by and say hi, so please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hi there, Ed, how are you?
Ed: I'm good, man. It's cool Jeff Goldblum is here. His latest movie Jurassic Park looks kick ass.
Me: Ummm... Jurassic park is not his latest... never mind. So, what is new? Anything to say?
Ed: Just do you watch "America's Funniest Videos"?
Me: Sometimes. Why?
Ed: Well, I want to tell your readers that if they want to watch a funny video they have to go through this guy...
Me: Ummm... okay...
Ed: You need to have him here on the Phile, dude. It'll be great.
Me: I'm working on it.
Ed: Cool. Well, have a great New Years. See you in 1994. Party on!
Me: Ed Enistink, the guy who lives in the 90s, kids.
There are ten times more bacteria in your body than there are human cells.
Hahahahahahahahaha. I'm British... I can laugh.
Joy to the world, the President is putting people's lives in danger with his Twitter feed again. While you were stuffing your face with Aunt Cathy's holiday pudding, Trump and Melania decided to visit the troops in Iraq. As if being a soldier in Iraq during the holidays isn't already hard enough. According to a report in Newsweek, during Trump and Melania's surprise visit, the president asked Lieutenant Commander Kyu Lee, the chaplain of Navy Seal Team 5, to pose for a picture with him. Sounds like Trump alright. One (huge) problem: the photo reveals the presence of the special-ops team at the al-Asad Airbase in western Iraq, Newsweek reports. After leaving the Iraqi airspace, Trump shared video of himself and Melania with members of Seal Team 5 in full battle gear, including night-vision goggles, to his 56.6 million Twitter followers.
The video shows him and Melania posing with the troops, without blurring the faces of special operation forces. A Defense Department official told Newsweek that deployments of special ops are "almost always" kept classified. Our president will stop at nothing for a "patriotic" photo op. Including putting service members and our entire military, and subsequently the world, at risk. Revealing special ops' identities poses a threat to these service members as well as public security, as people have pointed out on Twitter. You sure are a mean one, Mr. Trump.
Barbie
Barbie is a fashionable doll commonly criticized for setting unattainable standards of Malibu homeownership.
Phact 2. A Southwest Airlines pilot once held a plane for twelve minutes, to allow a man to see his dying 2-year-old grandson for one last time.
Phact 3. Giant anteaters do not produce any stomach acid. Instead, the combined sting venom (formic acid) found in all of the ants it eats is used to digest the prey once it is ground up and swallowed, so the ants are digested in their own venom.
Phact 4. Until the late 80s, chocolate diamonds were considered worthless for jewelry and only used for industrial purposes. This lasted until so many were found that marketing strategy was changed in an attempt to make them popular and sell-able gems.
Phact 5. A fake Chess-playing machine named the "The Turk" spent nearly 84 years traveling around Europe and the America’s defeating the vast majority of its challengers, including statesmen such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin. It was later exposed in the 1820s, as an elaborate hoax.
This is a great ending to a lost of fantastic guests I had on the Phile this past year. Today's pheatured guest is an American actor. He has starred in some of the highest-grossing films of his era, Jurassic Park and Independence Day, as well as their respective sequels, The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and Independence Day: Resurgence. Now he has a debut album called "The Capitol Studios Sessions" which is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. This is so bloody cool. Please welcome to the Phile... Jeff Goldblum!
Me: Man, if this doesn't get me cool blog cred... hello, sir, welcome to the Phile for the last entry of the year. How are you?
Jeff: It's my pleasure, Jason Peverett. Phile, and I must ask, what is, what's "phile" in reference to? Good job your last name is not Pedo. Pedo Phile doesn't sound great. Maybe it's phile for anglophile?
Me: There used be a radio show here in Central Florida called "The Phillips Phile" and I thought "Peverett Phile" had a good ring to it. I "stole" it from him, but didn't think I'd be doing this blog for almost thirteen years. With me it's "file" but with "ph." It's pretty annoying actually. Enough about me and my stupid blog name. When did you first learn how to play the piano?
Jeff: Well, there you go... well, when I was 10-years-old in Pittsburgh my mom and dad gave all us four kids lessons. I would run through my Churney and Beethoven sonatas and being a bad student I didn't know the joy of discipline. But then in a year or so I dread my teacher coming because I really hadn't practiced, but when he gave me an arrangement to "Alley Cat" and I think I became familiar to this idea syncopation for the first time, although there was something in me that already liked it. My mom at Easter time would go, "Easter time is the time for eggs and the time for eggs is Easter time." I don't know where she got that but I was like yeah, yeah that's me, I like that.
Me: What are some of the songs and stuff you played?
Jeff: I sat and played and I learnt "Alley Cat" and the same with "Deep Purple" and "Stairway to the Stars" and that was it. And then we had books hanging around the house and I learnt about chords a little bit and how to read lead sheet and improvise.
Me: Did you ever play professionally back then? You were just a kid so I doubt it.
Jeff: Well, I secretly got myself some cocktail lounge jobs around Pittsburgh, believe it or not when I was like fifteen. And then that was it, but at that time I already decided passionately to be an actor if I could. I went off to New York when I was about seventeen but I always kept a piano around, I snuck it in some movies and plays and things like that.
Me: How did this album come to be after so long you playing the piano and doing shows?
Jeff: About thirty years ago I started to play out and about with musicians and do these so-called gigs. It involved in something that drew the attention of the lovely who are working and who work with Gregory Porter with whom I played a song with on the "Graham Norton Show" while publicizing Thor: Ragnarok. They saw it and liked it and said, "Gee, maybe we should fly to Los Angeles and talk to Jeff, hook him up with Larry Klein the great producer." And that's how we did this album, believe it or not.
Me: Was it hard to choose acting over music or was it easy?
Jeff: I'll give you my answer by saying the highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door. No, wait a minute, that's not going any place. Oh, I know... Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary... I sat at the piano but I already decided to be an actor and yet there were two diverging roads. They really didn't diverge, they only coincided and cross trained each other but like I say it was my only wish to be an actor. But while I was doing that all the time I was actually playing so I was playing, playing, playing. Even now I try and fill my days with acting get a meaningful employment here and there which luckily right now is a particularly fertile time but every day I wake up I play the piano. Thank goodness my mom gave us lessons because it changed my life and it changes my days when I start by playing, and add music to the day.
Me: Is acting and playing music similar to you?
Jeff: Exactly. Music is different of course, and different kind of mysterious enjoyment and deep soul tonic and way to communicate directly to people's gizzards somehow as you know.
Me: You have some cool guests on the album, Jeff... Imelda May, who was on the Phile just over a year ago, Haley Reinhart and of course Sarah Silverman. It reminded me of a Tom Waites album. The album was recorded at a studio but you bought an audience with you. Was it important to have a crowd on the album?
Jeff: Yeah, somebody told me that yesterday. They turned me on to it and I looked it up. I never heard of it before... "Nighthawks at the Diner"? Is that the name of the Tom Waites album?
Me: That's right.
Jeff: Boy, I love him and love that record. And I thought yeah, maybe this is a little like ours. Well, it was all Larry Klein's idea, the producer, but we only played live really, our band, our revolving band over the decades. And of course he also bought in Till Brönner, speaking of guest artists, on the trumpet. He came and heard the stuff we do at the Rockwell. By the way, if you come, or any of your listeners come to Los Angeles we play a weekly gig there on Wednesdays. He heard it and said, "Gee, I love what you guys are doing jazz wise. It's not cabaret, there's kind of some substance to it." The guys who I play with are terrific. He said, "You're playing Charles Mingus and Thelonious Monk, which I really like but people come and I'm happy, you make it a good time and accessible and fun that reminds me in a way of other things and some many things of yesteryear that were social and really intoxicating and fun. Let's do that. The Capitol Records building it was a very fun and wonderful place. And a good place to get sound and we fill up studio A and B as we figured it out with tables and made it like a club like you're doing here, like you've been doing." And that's what we did.
Me: What are you shows on Wednesdays like?
Jeff: It's all spontaneous when we do it. I don't even know the set lists, they play and I kind of play along then I talk to the audience. It's not really an audience, we just kind of hang out together and play games tougher and share this music and often times we introduce some of this music to them because they've come for one reason or another but anyway, we have a grand ole time. Anyway, Larry Klein said we should make the album, try and catch that spirit for the album.
Me: Do you like playing the shows?
Jeff: I do like it. I guess I like the balance which maybe we've hit but certainly these other guys have devoted their lives to playing and are masterful at it. I always try to make my acting all being private and public. I think that's what they call it, being private while in public.
Me: What does that mean?
Jeff: Well, acting teachers will tell you you have to achieve a state of aloneness solitude as if you were having this scene with this other person that's not really meant being witnessed. So the accidental audience when added feels like an eavesdropping is taking place. Something like that. Is that what that phrase is? Wait, being in public solitudes, public solitudes. Something like that.
Me: You must really like doing these shows, right?
Jeff: When I play I don't know, I don't get out any night of the week. It just came out my enjoyment with nothing intentional really. It came out my enjoyment when I go out and I like to see whose there. It's interesting to me whose there as putting on a show for them, which we don't really do. Maybe we do accidentally but I like to see whose there, get to talking to them and I like to share this music with them. And sort or make sure everything we're doing, or I'm doing kind of is in communication with the other musicians but it also is shared with them. Just what's naturally fun for me. Maybe there's a nice balance. Maybe we're not like a cruise ship cabaret show. There's some good players and we play some highfaluting stuff but we get a kick out of it.
Me: Okay, let's talk movies for a minute. This has been 25 years since Jurassic Park, so congratulations.
Jeff: Thank you so much. Then I was in that last one... Jurassic World movie so I'm staying active with many hats. Not fog hats. Ha ha. Great band by the way. Slow ride. Take it easy.
Me: Haha. I heard you have lyrics to the Jurassic Park music, is that true?
Jeff: What's wrong with you? Yes, it goes like this... "in Jurassic Park, scary in the dark, I'm so scared that I'd be eaten." Hahaha. Sing that to the music.
Me: Haha. What is it like to see the movie you made twenty-five years ago still be popular to so many people?
Jeff: It's sweet. Look, I really didn't want to be an actor and I'm lucky I've stayed active for all this time and now I feel like I'm a humble student and my great teacher Sandy Meisner says, "It takes twenty years of continual work before you can call yourself an actor and a lifetime if you're lucky of progress." I feel like I'm on the brink of my best stuff. It's nice I have been able to work with some great people snd interesting people and creatively stimulating and educational people. And it has somehow, like we were talking about with music, reaches people and they get some pleasure out of it and it's sweet when they come up to me. They put that statue of me in London to commemorate the 25th anniversary. Did you see about that?
Me: No, I didn't. That's crazy though. What did you think about that?
Jeff: That's fantastic. It's wonderful. Ha ha ha.
Me: What do you think about all the memes and you being a cult figure almost?
Jeff: Well, it's taking me by surprise. I only got involved with social media a little bit ago and I post on Instagram. At the beginning I take pictures with people and then I see if they posted it the next day. I like to see people's tattoos of me and drawing of me and I get a kind of kick out of it for one reason or another.
Me: When you first started acting, or at least twenty-five years ago, everything is different with social media and stuff. What do you think of it?
Jeff: It is a little different, isn't it? It's very sweet, people have always been sweet. I've always gotten a kick out of it but me everybody has got a phone. I'm memorable when they say, "Hey, let's act out that scene with you and Laura Dunham. Put your finger in this glass and drip some water on my hand and make a video for my mom and say hi and happy birthday to her." I don't mind it, I kind of like it. People are very, very sweet actually. It's nice to be welcomed into their sweet parts of themselves. Some people walk the streets and it's a town without pity. Did Foghat sing that? They had a song about a city, right?
Me: Haha. Yeah, "Fool For the City."
Jeff: I thought that was Stephen Bishop.
Me: Hahahaha. Nope. So, with jazz where you have to be spontaneous is it the same as acting do you think?
Jeff: Yes. And of course I have to trust those people. But I think the healthier I am the more quickly I'm able to trust. With people if I sort of extend my trust then their trust worthiness comes into play a little better sometimes I find. I like a room full of people I've never met before and somehow I don't know why at this point I kind of full into an immediate kind if intimacy. I don't know. If I'm playing music, oh boy, all sort of barriers and paranoia and insecurities and self consciousness drop away. In the acting field to, if I'm playing a story and acting out something poetic and meaningful well then yeah. Often times I find like in a circus kind of I find myself with people I've never met before, sometimes I have to act out a love scene with them or some sort of interesting human challenging problem solving requiring intimacy and full free-wheeling interaction somehow. But I don't even know the people but because I'm working on this story extensively we both care about everything gets opened up... and with music to. That's a good answer, isn't it?
Me: Yeah, it was. Jeff, thanks so much for being on the Phile, finishing up a great year of interviews.
Jeff: It's been nice talking to you, Mr. Jason Peverett.
Me: Happy New Year, come back on the Phile again soon.
Jeff: You're so sweet, thanks, Jason.
Man alive, that was great. Well, kids, that about does to for this entry of the Phile and the year. I have to say I planned to end the Phile this past August but decided to keep it going. It turned out to be the biggest year for the Phile ever with guests like Alicia Keys, Bill Hader, Paul Simon, Neil Patrick Harris and of course Paul McCartney. I don't know how I am gonna top this year in 2019 but I will try. The Phile will be back next Wednesday kicking off 2019 with David Crosby. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Goodbye 2018, ya bitch.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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