Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday. How are you? Well, in a truly surreal moment in the history of the American presidency, Donald Trump welcomed Kanye West into the Oval Office. Sitting across from the president at the resolute desk, Kanye delivered a soliloquy that covered everything from his "sleep deprivation" being misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, the "trap door" of the 13th Amendment that abolished slavery, and why it's the red hat that makes him feel like a man. In what is a revealing insight into the gender politics of the MAGA movement, Kanye said that he embraced the red hat and everything it represents because he was feeling a lack of "male power" in his life as a member of the Kardashian family. "I love Hillary. I love everyone, but the campaign ‘I’m with her’ just didn’t make me feel... as a guy… it was something about this hat that made me feel like Superman," he said. Oh, and once he fully subscribed to the MAGA doctrine, he had the "balls" to do business with Adidas. Yes, when they're not chanting "Lock her up!" or "Build that wall!", Trumpism is all about finding the most lucrative footwear deal. Much like his idol, Kanye kvetched about "Saturday Night Live," insisting that satirizing the president puts America's status in the world at risk, rather than the president a guy who gets laughs in his face at the United Nations. Kanye's rant is just so profoundly sad. At one point, he said that "time is a myth" and that racism was invented by liberals to get votes. People couldn't help but notice that not only was this the longest Trump has ever stayed silent on camera, but the famous ranter had a hard time following Kanye's rant. Pundits noted that Kanye's soliloquy seemed straight outta conservative YouTube. Aaaaaaaand scene.
Neo-Nazis on 4chan have been betrayed by their "Aryan Goddess," and it couldn't have happened to worse people. While we know all about each and every one of Taylor Swift's boyfriends of the past ten years, the pop star was notoriously mum on her political views. Despite making #girlgang and #feminism a big part of her "1989" tour, she never endorsed Hillary Clinton in 2016, as not to alienate her fans from her country days and give up prime money-making opportunities in the middle of the country. Now that her "Reputation" tour has wrapped, T-Swizzle has officially come out... as a Democrat. In a well-researched, lengthy post on Instagram, Swift revealed that she will be voting in the state of Tennessee, casting her ballot for Democrats Phil Bredesen for Senate and Jim Cooper for the House. Swift cited Republican Marsha Blackburn's views on LGBTQ rights (she's against them) and the Violence Against Women Act (she's against it too) as reasons not to support her. Right wingers are now freaking out, insisting that Swift has been #canceled. According to conservatives, celebrities shouldn't speak up about politics... unless they agree with them. "Looks like the Jews finally broke her," a 4channer wrote. "Goodbye Tay we will miss you." On behalf of my Jewish readers let me just say As a Jew, allow me to say, Taylor Swift... welcome to the Resistance.
Bill Cosby's lawyers have already begun the appeals process, trying to get the serial rapist's sexual assault conviction overturned because of "a string of trial errors." The hired guns are arguing that his three-to-ten years sentence to too harsh because Cosby is 81 years old and blind. That's extremely ableist of them... old and blind people can be rapists, too. They're also arguing that there is no proof that the particular rape (of a possible sixty) happened within the state of Pennsylvania's statute of limitations. If Cosby gets out of prison, he just might be appointed to the Supreme Court.
Mysterious political muralist Banksy out-Banksy'd himself with a painting that immediately self-destructed after it was sold for over a million dollars at a Sotheby's auction. Banksy revealed the creative process in a video posted on Instagram. Years ago, the street artist built a shredder into the frame, intending to activate it before all the crusty art collectors and pearl-clutching millionaires if it was ever sold. Everyone other than the people at the auction loved the stunt. "What happened at Sotheby’s is Banksy’s greatest work," art critic Jonathan Jones wrote in The Guardian. "He has said something that needed to be said: art is being choked to death by money. The market turns imagination into an investment and protest into decor for some oligarch’s house. The only real rebellion left is for works of art to destroy themselves the moment they are sold." As your friend from college who just started taking improv classes will tell you, true art is fleeting. I have to show you a pic of this in case you didn't see it...
Body language is one of the most universal forms of communication for important evolutionary reasons. The most nuanced changes in facial expressions and posture can speak volumes through language barriers or oppressively silencing circumstances. The confirmation of alleged rapist Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court has ushered in a national dialogue about the pervasiveness of sexual assault and how abuser tactics function. As the whole world watched Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's personal testimony of sexual assault, many survivors saw themselves in her experience. During Kavanaugh's screaming testimony of alleged innocence, many noticed how the women sitting behind him in the hearing room... his wife Ashley Kavanaugh, his mother, and several close family friends, all appeared as disturbed by his presence as those of us opposing him. Most notably, people have been examining the ways Kavanaugh's wife Ashley appears to see through him. Since his confirmation, several body language experts have posted discussions about the ways Ashley's body language indicate distress in the marriage, and a general discomfort with her husband. Everything from Ashley's minute facial expressions to the positioning of her feet suggest extreme discomfort around Kavanaugh. Particularly, in conjunction with his aggressively postured body language. Survivors of domestic violence have also chimed in to share the ways they see signs of potentially abusive power dynamics exposed through these exchanges. Several people connected Kavanaugh's aggressive body language towards Ashley with Blasey Ford's description of her assault. The ways the daughters look at Ashley seeking affirmation of the moment while completely avoiding Kavanaugh struck a chord with many abuse survivors. The visual dynamic of intense discomfort is apparent in several different video clips and photos, which suggests this is a pattern. The dynamics in a violent relationship are full of deeply layered danger and complications, and the last thing I want to do is diagnose Ashley's circumstances from a place of ignorance. However, it's notable and deeply sad how many survivors of physical abuse see themselves in her body language, and how even experts can tell the power dynamic is off. Given Blasey Ford's testimony, and the allegations from Deborah Ramirez and Julie Swetnick, and now his wife Ashley's distressed body language, all arrows point towards Kavanaugh being an abusive scourge upon this earth.
Man, I feel sorry for the people up in the Florida panhandle. Hurricane Michael really did a number on it. Hurricane Michael looked tough...
Yeesh. Baby boomers everywhere are doing their damnedest to communicate via text, often with their tech-savvy millennial children. Let's look at an example, shall we?
But the sweetest sentiments shine through. Does Burger King actually sell biscuits??? If I had a TARDIS I would go to see the Boston Marathon in 1967 and try to stop race organizers from attempting to stop Kathrine Switzer from competing in the Marathon. She became the first woman to finish the race.
Good for her. You know what makes me laugh? Old people wearing inappropriate shirts. Like this old lady...
And what's with the Yankees hat with Goofy ears? Do you ever prank your co-workers? This person did...
Hmmm. So, I was thinking, you know who would do a better job as president? A fucking penguin.
Hahahahahaha. Speaking of the president, have you seen his new look?
Ha! That's actually stupid. That's as stupid as...
Alright, so I have said this many of times, one of the best things about the Internet is you can look at porn for free and so easily. But the problem is if you're reading a blog such as this one you might get bored and leave here and go to a porn site. So I thought what if I showed a porn pic here, then you wouldn't have to go anywhere. But then I thought what if you were at work or school... I don't want you to get in trouble so I came up with an ingenious solution.
You. Are. Welcome. It's Thursday, so you know what that means...
Ugh. I think I'm gonna be sick. Okay, moving on... it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.
Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile for Week 6 already. How are you?
Jeff: Always glad to be back here on the Phile talking some football for Week 6. Seriously this season is flying by quickly! I'm doing alright. How have you been?
Me: I'm okay. You have a new podcast, right? What is it called and what is it about?
Jeff: Yup. I just started a new podcast called the Cinefan Movie podcast. It's a weekly podcast talking about box office and news, plus movie reviews. There will be random games and activities as well. Last week was the first episode. Starting this week you will be able to find it on iTunes. I'm still waiting to see if Spotify will carry it as well.
Me: Very cool. Man oh man, those Panther fans sure ripped Eric Reid for kneeling during the National Anthem. Take a look at this prime example...
Jeff: That guy's review of Eric Reid clearly has nothing to do with his playing ability. I bet that if you checked his social media you will find that he is pro-Trump. Oh, would you look at that?
Me: Ha! What NFL news do you have?
Jeff: For me the biggest news of the week is that the Browns won on a Sunday for the first time since 2015. I mean think about how much your life has changed in that time. There are very few Browns that are still on the team. But the biggest news is Drew Brees on Monday night because the all time leader in passing yards.
Me: Okay, so, Britain has taken over another team...
Me: What do you think?
Jeff: So far I would say that's my favorite British logo. Jolly good logo, chum.
Me: Okay, so, your Steelers won, and my Giants lost but I picked the Steelers to win. Haha. How did we do?
Jeff: I broke my killer losing streak this week! I went 2-0 with the Steelers win. You went 1-1 with the Giants snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. That was a heart breaking moment. But since the rest of the NFC East isn't doing well either, you're still in it! I gained on you in the overall standings but you still have a 5 point lead.
Me: Oh, yeah! Let's pick this week's picks... I say Falcons by 6 and Jags by 5. The Giants play against the Eagles tonight. What do you pick?
Jeff: My picks for the week are Bears by 5 and Rams by 7. Good luck and I will talk to you next week!
Me: Okay, I will see you back here next Thursday. Good luck with your podcast, Jeff.
Ummm... if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, a few times I had this inventor on the Phile who likes to come on and tell us what new inventions he's working on. So far every invention seems lame, but he swears his new ones are fantastic. So, please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, Mak, welcome back to the Phile. So, you have been working on some new inventions?
Mak: Yes, I have, Jason. Just three new ones.
Me: Okay, great. What's the first one?
Mak: Bulletproof clay pigeons.
Me: What? Clay pigeons? What for? That's really dumb.
Mak: Okay, how about drum sticks for pianos? I am sure your musician friends would love those.
Me: Ummm... no, Mak. That's stupid. Okay, you have one more... make it a good one.
Mak: Oh, it is! It's a wind powered fan.
Me: Ugh! That's pathetic! Mak, get out of here, go back to your lab and come back when you have better ones.
Mak: Okay, Jason. Thanks.
Me: Mak Asterborus, world's greatest inventor, kids. How can he be the world's greatest?
In Brazil, the dolphins that team up with local fisherman have their own accent. For over 160 years, wild dolphins have been helping humans catch more fish by signaling when they should cast their nets. Because they use their own unique whistles even around other dolphins, scientists think they may be trying to distinguish themselves as the "one who helps humans."
Nikki Haley surprised everyone by resigning as the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations on Tuesday morning, immediately setting off a flurry of speculation as to why and who would replace her. Perhaps because it was the easiest punchline for the hold world to collectively gravitate towards, or because the Trump Administration is already so insane, "Ivanka" started trending. With the non-Tiffany first daughter already demanding more governmental privileges than Malia and Sasha Obama ever did, not to mention her inexplicable role as "Advisor to the President," everyone assumed that Ambassador Ivanka was an inevitability. One of the only people who seems to be genuinely impressed by Ivanka is Haley herself. Haley lavished praised on Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, declaring Jared to be a "hidden genius." His genius is so hidden that it's virtually non-existent. The speculation was apparently for real. She does have some experience with foreign affairs through her late fashion brand (RIP). The rumors made its way to a press gaggle with Trump, who insisted "I don't think there would be anyone more competent in the world." He did, however, demonstrated a glimmer of self-awareness when he said that he'd be accused of nepotism, like that's ever stopped him before. "If Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd make her U.N. Ambassador," he pretty much said.
There should be a phone number to call if you're lonely and have already bugged all your family and friends for the day, where it would connect you with another random caller for a chat.
The 88th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
David Attenborough will be the guest on the Phile next Tuesday. Now for some...
Phact 1. Until the end of World War II, there was no international law preventing the bombing of civilians around “defended” targets. That’s why the atomic bombings are not considered war crimes.
Phact 2. The famous Swedish Ice Hotel, built every year out of giant chunks of ice from the Torne River, is now required by the Boverket National Housing Board to include fire alarms, despite being made entirely out of frozen water.
Phact 3. After World War 1, various countries around the world experimented with flying tanks... literally tanks with wings... but the idea was eventually scrapped.
Phact 4. One of the inspirations that Anthony Hopkins borrowed from for his interpretation of Hannibal Lecter was a friend of his in London who never blinked which unnerved anyone around him.
Phact 5. Dwayne Johnson’s beard in Hercules was made of yak testicle hair.
Today's pheatured guest is an American singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist who had success in the 1970s and 1980s with a string of Top 40 hits and platinum albums. He is well known for songs like "Baby Hold On," "Two Tickets To Paradise," "Think I'm in Love," and "Take Me Home Tonight," A new reality television series about him and his family called "Real Money," debuted on AXS TV on April 8th, 2018. Please welcome to the Phile... Eddie Money.
Me: Hey, Eddie, welcome to the Phile. How are you doing?
Eddie: Thanks, great to be here, Jason.
Me: So, I have to mention something... in the 90s I was at the Magic Kingdom with my parents and we were in the ice cream place, Sara Lee's and my dad spotted you in the corner at a table with your family. We were talking to you and you made a comment that the Disney tchotchkes are too expensive and your kids want to much. I mentioned I get a discount and we went across to the gift shop and you got a bunch of stuff. Do you remember?
Eddie: Vaguely. I always had a good time at Disney World, and with your old man, Jason. You still work at Disney? You a manager yet?
Me: I still work there, yeah, it's been 30 years and no, I'm not a manager... I'm a coordinator which is better. Haha. You're originally from New York, right? What part?
Eddie: Seaford, New York on the Island.
Me: Cool. I grew up in Poet Jeff. Anyway, you had a lot of great songs, Eddie. When I was going over the list of songs it's kinda amazing, right?
Eddie: Yeah, we had a lot of hits. I'm really lucky to have "Baby Hold On," "Two Tickets...." "Wanna Go Back," "Take Me Home Tonight," "I Think I'm In Love," "Shakin'," we had a lot of hits. When you think about Columbia Records we did come up with a lot of hits and I did a lot of radio and TV. You have to remember back on the day I was paid a thousand dollars a minute for a 70 minute show. I had a lear jet and opened up for Steve Miller in Kansas City then took the lear jet to St. Louis and opened up for Fleetwood Mac. I was on fire back then, man, we opened up for the Stones, the Who, Foghat, we were on the road with everybody. It was a great time too, you know that.
Me: You tour all the time, Eddie. Okay, I have to ask you about the TV show "Real Money" on AXS. What is that like having your own reality show?
Eddie: Well, I got to tell you the Home Owners Association gave me a bunch of fucking shit for having the cameras over here. They have nothing else to do but to fuck with me unfortunately. This HOA, I'm in a gated community and these people here I don''t think they're from the United States, they're from Japan or New Zealand or Australia and yet they're busting my balls. The thing is we did that show "Where Are They Now?" with Oprah, and when the cameras were on they caught my son drinking in the room. My son was really pissed off and they put all that on film and all of a sudden the Oprah thing was good because the show was exciting anyway.
Me: So, what is something we can see on "Real Money"?
Eddie: I bought my daughter a new jeep and she took a couple of pain killers when she had her tooth pulled and she put it in reverse rather in forward and she drive it into a fucking wall, and wrecked the goddamn car. I was wondering where the car was for the first two months, and when I got home they showed me where the car was and they put a mic on me and they put it in the TV show. It's really real because I was super pissed off, a brand new Jeep Cherokee, she turns around and wrecks the fucking thing. I'm supposed to be in a good mood?
Me: Haha. That reminds me when I was driving my parents' Acura once and I totaled it. Anyway, do you like how the show turned out?
Eddie: It's good television, I don't know.
Me: Eddie, you are very funny. If you weren't a singer do you think you'd be a stand up comedian?
Eddie: It's really something because it's crazy. If you think about what's happening. This couple that I knew from the Greatest Show on Earth, the Ringling Barnum circus, well, they wanted to adopt a child. They went down to the adoption agency and the woman at the agency was very strict and said, "You know, we don't think a circus is very good for raising children." They said, "We really beg to differ because he'll learn about math from counting up the ticket sales, people from the circus have been all over the world, they know everything about geography, they got a doctor on call 24 hours a day, I think it'll be really great. A circus is a great place to raise children." The woman at the agency said, "Okay, we reconsidered, would you like a boy or a girl?" They said, "It doesn't make any difference, as long as they could fit in the cannon." Hahahaha.
Me: Ha! You tour so much, Eddie, and have so many hits, do you ever add songs that weren't hits? Like regular album tracks?
Eddie: When I toured with the Stones I've got in trouble for doing too many encores. I opened for the REO Speedwagon and Styx, it's like Battle of the Bands. I'm going to do "Take Me Home Tonight," and "Two Tickets to Paradise," "Think I'm In Love," and "Shakin'." Come on. This is what I do. I have like 30 songs in the top 100, but I have about 15 songs in Top 40 radio. "I'll Get By" was a big hit for me, I just put "Peace in Our Time" back in the set. I don't have much room in the set, you know.
Me: Didn't you have a play or musical about you, Eddie?
Eddie: Yeah, it was called "Two Tickets to Paradise." Matter of fact is just finished playing in Rochester, New York and it went over really well. We got a standing ovation, it was incredible.
Me: Are there any songs of yours people ask for, Eddie?
Eddie: They wanna hear "The Big Crash," or "Wanna Be a Rock & Roll Star." I don't know. If I go out there and don't play the hits they get pissed off. If I forget to put "Wanna Go Back" in the set I'll hear about it on my fucking Facebook for like weeks.
Me: Yeah, I know Foghat has the same problem. Most bands that have been around with a lot of hits go through that. What is your fan base like now, Eddie?
Eddie: I have people in the 70s coming to my shows, then I tell everybody I used to date their grandmother. Then I get kids coming, their parents listened to me in their cars, listening to their cassettes, or their CDs, so all these kids know "Baby Hold On," "Take Me Home Tonight," "Think I'm in Love," they know the whole thing, it's crazy. So, I've got fans spanning from like 17-years-old to like 73-years-old. It's amazing. It's incredible.
Me: You do a lot of stuff for vets as well, right? I think that's cool.
Eddie: Yeah, I think about these vets, they're amazing to me. These men and women served for our country all over the world. I don't think they joined the Army or the Navy or the fucking Air Force because they're thinking about getting a G.I. loan to go to college. They're over there to be like their parents. They love this country. My brother served in Vietnam, my father was in World War II. I was in a police department, what I do when I think about all these homeless storms.
Me: You are a big dog lover I was told, Eddie. How many dogs do you have?
Eddie: I got eight fucking dogs. We have lot of fucking dogs running around I'm telling you. People step in dog shit all the time.
Me: Your son and daughter are in your band, right?
Eddie: Yeah, Dez is amazing. I am out on the road so much I knew he was playing guitar but I had no idea he was actually recording songs. Then when he gave me a CD I was surprised, my son created them all. Holy fucking shit, my kid is fucking good. He doesn't sound like me but he's a good writer. These days kids don't sell records anyone. Back in the day I sold 700 million fucking albums. I had a lot of fun doing it too.
Me: And your daughter sings with you as well? Did she listen to rock music giving up?
Eddie: She was into N'Sync, and their parents were big Eddie Money fans. I know Justin Timberlake's mother.
Me: Huh? Hahaha. Eddie, I know you have to go. Please come back again on the Phile. This has been one of the best interviews ever.
Eddie: Thanks, Jason, this has been a lot of fun, man. I've got two tickets to paradise but I'm taking all your readers... both of them. Hahaha.
Me: Ha! Thanks, Eddie. Talk to you soon, sir.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and of course Eddie Money. The Phile will be back tomorrow with musician Lukas Nelson. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let alligators and snakes bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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