Hey kids, welcome to the Phile. How are you? It's fall, bitches. Time to arm yourselves with mugs, cozy sweaters, and pumpkin spice lattes to celebrate the best (in my opinion; sorry spring!) season. Arizona Republican Congressman Paul Gosar is such an embarrassment to his family, six of his younger siblings are actively campaigning against him. In a series of campaign ads recently released ad by Dr. David Brill, his Democratic opponent for the 4th district Congressional seat, Gosar’s siblings, Grace, David, Jennifer, Tim, Joan, and Gaston all come out against their brother’s candidacy. “He’s not listening to you and he doesn’t have your interests at heart,” Tim Gosar, the Congressman's brother says in an ad. “I think our brother has traded a lot of the values we shared at the kitchen table,” the Congressman’s sister, Joan, says in another ad. “We’ve got to stand up for our good name, this is not who we are,” his brother, David, said. Gosar’s sister, Grace, a rural physician with cancer, recorded a heart-wrenching, two-minute commercial focusing on healthcare. Congressman Gosar has slammed the ads, telling CNN in a statement that the siblings featured in the ad are “liberal Democrats who hate President Trump” and slammed his opponent for engaging “in this shameful attack.” “You can’t pick your family,” Gosar added. “We all have crazy aunts and relatives etcetera and my family is no different. I hope they find peace in their hearts and let go all the hate. To the six angry Democrat Gosars... see you at mom and dad’s house!” Gosar’s siblings have split with him because of his strident anti-immigrant views and his dishonest embrace of troubling conspiracy theories. He has also called prominent current and former justice department officials investigating Russia’s attempts to undermine Americans democratic system, “traitors.” Gosar has also hell bent on constructing Trump’s wall across the U.S.-Mexico border and has railed against DACA. In October 2017, Gosar suggested that the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville was coordinated by “the left” and called Democratic donor George Soros a Nazi collaborator. Soros is Jewish. This prompted his siblings to lash out in an open letter in the Kingman Daily Miner. “Paul confabulated horrendous lies about Soros as a young boy who survived the Holocaust, and followed it with invented notions that Soros was behind the Charlottesville Nazis,” the siblings wrote. “Paul’s deceit was uttered without a shred of evidence.” “It is extremely upsetting to have to call you out on this, Paul, but you’ve forced our hand with your deceit and antisemitic dog whistle,” the letter concludes. Thanksgiving should be fun at the Gosar’s parents’ house this year.
If you haven't been ghosted yet, congrats on either, A) not dating as a millennial, or B) doing all the ghosting yourself. Ghosting, where one person in a budding romance (or friendship) simply ceases to return the others' communications, has become a bedrock of millennial culture. But just because it's as common as HPV doesn't mean it's not extraordinarily painful to experience. So a new "ghosted" Halloween costume making the rounds on Twitter has people in their feelings. Because it's simply too real. Here's the costume...
If this costume doesn't reawaken past trauma, have you even dated in the 21st century???????? Apparently the costume, with its design of familiar unanswered texts, has opened up a trove of old emotional wounds online. Now everyone's taking to Twitter to call it out for being wayyyy too real and relatable. One guy rightfully requested a men's version (since ghosting impacts people of all genders). Many feel personally attacked. One brave soul even tried to use the costume to reverse a past ghosting (it didn't work).
If you've spent time online recently, you're probably sick of hearing about Brett Kavanaugh. Not only does he have a generic white guy douchebag name that's worth mocking, he's been accused of attempted sexual assault and still thinks he should become a Supreme Court judge. Gross. Even more disgusting, there are plenty of conservatives angling for his appointment. In a misguided attempt to demonstrate support for Brett... puke, a group called Concerned Women for America embarked on a bus tour in August declaring they were "Women For Kavanaugh." Twitter user @elivalley posted a photo of the intrepid travelers, and there was something... off about it. Can you spot what it is?
That's right, folks: the image contains more men than women. Seems women aren't quite as enthusiastic about his nomination. We can't imagine why that might be. Once Eli, an artist and writer, shared the photo on social media, the incredulous responses began pouring in. Though it's simply another twist in the stupidest possible timeline of American politics, I still feel like I'm taking crazy pills! If you're not actively trying to prevent Kavanaugh's confirmation, at least light a candle or something for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We need that lady to remain alive, full of dissenting liberal opinions, and poised to block misogynist bullshit at every turn.
When a dead whale washes up on the beach it isn’t just sad, it’s a massive pain in the rear for the cities that have to clean up the carcass. In 1970, a town in Oregon figured the best thing to do to get rid of a smelly, rotting sperm whale carcass was to blow it up with dynamite. That resulted in one of the most embarrassing fails of the 20th century. Last Monday morning, a two-ton, 16-foot juvenile minke whale washed up on a beach in Rye, New Hampshire. Ashley Stokes, manager of the Seacoast Science Center’s Marine Mammal Rescue Team, said it’s possible the whale died after being caught up in fishing nets. To learn the whale’s exact cause of death, the city decided to haul it off to a local marine research facility. The carcass was first removed from the beach to a nearby parking lot with a front-end loader. Later, the state arrived with a dumpster to transport the whale. The problem is the city never gave the state the whale’s measurements. But city officials decided to try and dump the poor whale into the dumpster anyway. The result was a horrifying failure.
Unable to move the whale, the city put blockades up around the dead beast and let it sit in the parking lot throughout the night. Representatives from NOAA Fisheries, Fish and Game, and state and local officials arrived at the site on Tuesday morning and assisted with its removal.
Starting college is a scary time for a young adult. Most incoming students enter the campus with a deeply confusing combination of high school-fueled bravado and utter terror. While the terror never truly leaves their bodies, the bravado quickly simmers once the bleak reality of academia settles in. The inevitability of terror is why I firmly believe that schools should do everything in their power to cultivate a welcoming environment where students can flex their curiosity and learn. One way to NOT welcome students is with a highly-gendered promotional material that references blow jobs. A student welcome packet from the University of Sussex has received reasonable backlash after including a sexually overt promotion for a toothpaste brand. As seen here, the image shows a woman with an open, frothing mouth alongside the caption: "Whether you spit or swallow as part of your (twice...) daily oral regime, place your oral health on autopilot with Brushbox."
People were quick to point out how demeaning it is to welcome female students with an image referencing blow jobs. To make matters even grosser, the image of the frothing mouth includes a nose-shaped cut out, presumably so students can hold it up to their face and take a "dirty" selfie. After seeing the backlash, the University of Sussex attempted to shift the blame despite the obvious fact that they had to approve the promotional materials before gifting them. It seems beyond baffling that the University of Sussex needed to "review" the materials and didn't opt to simply remove them ASAP. But then again, the school's response is a classic deflection tactic.
This whole debacle further proves the importance of diversity in marketing teams. Plus, swallowing toothpaste is strongly discouraged by dentists, so the double entendre doesn't really work for the promotion, it's just a blatant blow job reference. At the time of writing this, the school has yet to actually apologize and remove the materials, which is unsurprising but also deeply obnoxious.
You know, instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
Ummm... maybe not. So, ever see those tip jars in restaurants or bars? Some places get really creative with them...
Hahaha. Ever play the game Connect 4? Well, there's a new version out now.
That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...
Can I be any more obscure? Man oh man. Haha. Do you know what I think is funny? Old people wearing inappropriate t-shirts. Like this woman...
If I had a TARDIS I would go back in time and find Dorothy Counts who was the first black girl to attend an all white school in the United States. I would defend her from being teased and taunted by her white male peers at Charlotte’s Harry Harding High School.
Arseholes. So, have you seen the new Nike ad? No. I have it here...
So, I was thinking who or what would do a better job that the president. You know who would? I fucking penguin...
I love that pic. So, I love dogs so much, but some dogs could be just plain assholes...
Ha. So, remember when Trump fist pumped on 9/11? Well, apparently that wasn't the first time.
Okay, it's fall, kids, and here's your starter pack...
I said it before, I can't stand the taste of pumpkin. Back in my day pumpkins were drawn on or carved... not put in candles, cookies and coffee. Sheesh. So, I mentioned in the monologue that people are pointing out a major problem with a Women for Brett Kavanaugh photo. Well, there's another group of people as well that are for Kavanaugh...
Hahahaha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Rejected Business One Liners
5. A day without sunshine is like night.
4. A disagreeable task is its own reward.
3. A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
2. A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
And the number one rejected business one liner is...
1. A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, before I continue I have to mention something sad. Chas Hodges, from Chas & Dave, who has been on the Phile a few times had passed away. Despite receiving successful treatment for oesophageal cancer recently, Chas suffered organ failure and passed away peacefully in his sleep in the early hours of Saturday September 22nd. Chas & Dave have a brand new album out called "A Little Bit of Us" and he was set to be on the Phile in a few weeks. I was very honored to have him on the Phile a few times and I will always cherish the autographed book he sent me. Chas will be missed.
Alright, so about a month ago I introduced you to a guy who loved the 90s so much he still lives there... in his mind. Let's see what he has to say today. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Ed: Hey, Jason, I'm so glad that Paula Cole is here today. I love her hit song "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" "I will do the laundry if you pay all the bills, where is my John Wayne, where is my prairie song, where is my happy ending, where have all the cowboys gone..." What's up, how's it bangin'?
Me: Ha. Me too. Not bad. So, how are the 90s treating you?
Ed: Good, man. Remember these?
Me: Those plastic girls shoes? Slightly...
Ed: Yeah, when you wanna walk away from your problems but you can't cause you'll get blisters.
Me: Ha.
Ed: Alright, homey, I have to bone out. Cath you later, man.
Me: Ed Enistink, the guy who lives in the 90s, kids.
Like, this has to be too good to be true! It's almost like nothing can be more Canadian than this, not even hockey or the Barenaked Ladies. Alright, now for a story about...
College brochures paint an academic world full of race and gender diversity. We are presented with well-dressed clean cut smiling groups of strangers who are presumably taking a break from researching the cure for cancer, a post-racial portrait of progress. But unfortunately, the reality of the world of academia tends to be a lot less diverse. In fact, the French art school Émile Cohl in Lyon is so homogenous their diversity campaign strategy involved photoshopping students to look black, so essentially, digital blackface. News of the alteration went viral after a former student shared a side-by-side of the original photo and the altered photo on Twitter.
She zoomed in to show some of the examples of the digital blackface, which is not only supremely racist and weird, but also a very subpar photoshop job.
Since reaching viral status, access to the U.S. website has been shut down and the communication company was terminated from their contract. The rest of the Internet is collectively taking minute to loudly ponder how the hell anyone thought this was a good idea. Going forward, the obvious solution would be for the school to work harder to actually be racially inclusive, rather than creating an I Spy side-by-side from corporate hell. The communications company has yet to speak up and explain their decision to blackwash the students, they're probably too busy watching Soul Man.
The Museum of Broken Relationships let's you anonymously drop off items that remind you of your ex, then turns your story into an exhibit. The displays have helped thousands of people heal by giving them the "chance to overcome an emotional collapse through creativity." Starting as a traveling art project in 2006, it's now seen over 45 temporary (and 2 permanent) locations around the world.
Ben Watt will be on the Phile next Monday. Okay, so, I'm not sure if sex ed is still being taught in schools, and I believe no matter how old you are sex ed could be handy. So, I thought I'd invite someone onto the Phile to teach us something, Please welcome to the Phile for the first time...
Me: Hello, Professor Chickasaw. How are you?
Liz: Hi, Jason, I'm good. How are you?
Me: Not too bad. So, what can you teach us today?
Liz: Guys masturbating is considered “ha ha funny” (think the movie American Pie), whereas when it comes to women pleasuring themselves, it’s still looked upon as something slightly shameful. When I finally worked up the nerve to go buy a vibrator in university (after I watched that one episode of "Sex and the City" that everyone has seen) it was this clandestine, secretive act. Now that I own a whole drawer full of them, I realize it’s not a big deal at all. Toys are actually really empowering. I wish more people knew this. Plus, teachers always told us to have safe sex. Having sex with yourself is one of the safest kinds of sex around!
Me: Okay. Anything else?
Liz: A clitoris is not a type of dinosaur.
Me: Ha. Thanks, Professor. Professor Liz Chicksaw, kids. She could have moved her arm down. Ha. Now for some...
Phact 1. Donkey Kong got the name because Miyamoto thought “donkey” meant “stupid” in English.
Phact 2. It is possible to get a World Passport from the World Service Authority, a DC-based non-profit who promote “World Citizenship." These have been accepted as travel documents by a small number of countries across the world.
Phact 3. A 12-year-old girl in Queens, New York was arrested, handcuffed, and detained at a police precinct for several hours for doodling on her desk in class.
Phact 4. Japan’s occupation of Hong Kong back in WWII caused the population to drop from 1.6 million to 600,000 in just three years.
Phact 5. Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles sang the studio recording of “Eternal Flame” completely naked due to the producer pranking her by telling her Olivia Newton John had done the same thing. He later told Hoffs he had been lying the whole time.
Today's pheatured guest is an American singer-songwriter. Her single "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" reached the top ten of the Billboard Hot 100 in 1997, and the following year she won a Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Her latest album "Ballads" is available on iTunes, Spotify and Amazon. Please welcome to the Phile... Paula Cole.
Me: Hey, Paula, how are you doing? Welcome to the Phile.
Paula: Sure. Thank you so much, Jason.
Me: Your new album "Ballads" is a jazz album which is surprising to me. What made you decide to do a jazz album, Paula?
Paula: It's not my brain that makes these decisions. Its my soul, it kinda guides me there unconsciously. It's just long overdue that I made my own jazz album. I kept singing on other people's jazz albums and I started as a jazz singer. A few people know that but not too many. I needed to do it, my father's getting older and this is for him too as much as it was for me. It was on my bucket list and I needed to do it next. In my heart I knew it.
Me: There's so many genres that you adapted to your jazz style. Billie Holiday to Nina Simone to John Coltrane, even Bob Dylan. How did you go about picking the songs?
Paula: That was so hard. if you came to my own studio you'd see pieces of paper plastered all over the walls with my pen scratch notes. I probably started with about forty songs and we recorded thirty-one. Thirty out of those songs I'm really happy with. I just have too much material, the poor guys thought I was a slave driver. I just had so much to say about and I have waited so long in my life to do it I needed to record a lot of material everyday.
Me: Was it hard to adapt the songs you chose?
Paula: Well, I had arrangements in my head, I wrote them out, also my piano player, she's so amazing, she just did some charts. Most of it was my arranging. I had the consent, I was just trying to widdle it down.
Me: Out of all the songs you recorded how did you end up with the twenty on the album?
Paula: It took a lot of listening to think of what songs go together. I could of skewed it more American, I could of skewed it more jazz. For me one of the big things of the album is to combine these things, the classic America music. It's the great American canon and I think "Ode to Billy Joe" absolutely should be next to "God Bless The Child." A lot of it is blues based, but these are beautiful American classics that I felt should be side by side, regarded side by side. Let's break the genres a little bit, and let's look up the classic nature of these beautiful songs.
Me: What era are the songs on the album, Paula?
Paula: They span the 1930s to the 1960s.
Me: You produced the album as well, right? What was that like?
Paula: Yes, yes. It's very much in my wheel house anyway so I can think about it for a long time before the session, make arrangements, form the band... I've been doing that my whole career for the most part anyway. It's just very much a natural extension.
Me: Some of these songs have been recorded a lot of times I think and some are more unknown... to me anyway. Why do you think that is?
Paula: That's because of all my years listening to a lot of classic singers. I had my own book and my own charts. A lot of it comes from the melody, or do I relate to the lyrics. There are a lot of standards that I don't relate to the lyrics. These songs I put together because I love the lyrics. I heard Billie Holiday sing "I Cover the Waterfront" with the long verse intro. I knew I needed to do that, it's a very old song.
Me: Okay. Paula, when did you first start singing?
Paula: I started off being a jazz singer in the lines and the clubs of Boston and Cambridge area all through my student days.
Me: I never heard the song "Never Will I Marry." Why did you pick that one?
Paula: Because I'm just a fan of jazz and Cannonball Adderly and Nancy Wilson. It's just an usual tune, we don't hear it very often. It's probably the most swinging upbeat tune, that's got layered trumpets on it. That's just me being a fan of f it. Singers like Nancy Wilson and Billie Holiday, just listening, being a jazz singer, living inside the songs.
Me: Have you sang any of these songs before in the past?
Paula: I've sang some since my late teens, in jazz clubs, or the airport Hilton lounge in Boston at Logan airport. Haha.
Me: Ha. What about "Farewell My Friend"? Where did that come from? That'll be a good song to play at my funeral. Hahaha.
Paula: I've done some on-line research and I don't know. It comes from the 1800s and it's traditional. That's the oldest song that's different from all the others. Like I said earlier, they are mostly from the 30s and the 60s but "Farewell My Friends" is a traditional piece that was brought to my attention. I'll be glad to sing it live at your funeral though.
Me: Thanks. Okay, so, what does "Naima" mean?
Paula: I wish I knew myself. I have these jazz standards book at home by the piano and I've been leafing through them since I was 17-years-old. My dads fake books and real books too, and I came across "Naima," I mean I would just go through the A's, the B's and the C's, get to the end and there's "Naima" and it was just so different from other songs.
Me: If you started out singing jazz standards, Paula, why did you become a pop singer so to speak?
Paula: Because the lyrics weren't always right, I wanted to write my own lyrics.
Me: Okay, so, the album is called "Ballads" but not all the songs are ballads. Twenty ballads would of been boring I think. Hahaha. Did you plan on just having ballads on the album?
Paula: No, not at all. As a producer and someone thinking about the whole of the project. I need release, I need uptempo songs to sequence the album well. I needed uptempo, different feels, different keys, but I love ballads. I do ballads best, me singing a standard ballad has always been my mother's favorite thing that I do. I don't know, I think it's one of the specialties for me. I knew my favorite songs were a majority ballads. I looked up the definition of a ballad and it's not necessarily a slow tempo song. It's mostly the telling of a story. For instance, "The Ballad of Hollis Brown" by Bob Dylan, it's the tittle of the song from "The Times Are A'Changing" album. He's telling the story of the poor farmer and his five kids and his wife on the South Dakota farm. A ballad is more than a slow tempo piece of music. We also come to know it as a slow piece of music, yes, it's the second definition, but it's all those things. Again I wanted to break down the confines of what we think music is. Some people think "What a Little Moonlight Can Do" is a country track but if you play it next to what Billie Holiday's version is it sounds pretty much the same, and yet we think of jazz or country is more Americana. What are these things? Music should be inclusive and I think it's more breaking down of genres and bringing people together.
Me: Okay, let's talk about some other stuff. I didn't realize until I read your bio that you sang back-up for Peter Gabriel. What was that like?
Paula: That was such an amazing experience for me. I love his music so much. I was just so grateful for the experience. I learned so much, and I learned too that I wanted to be my own artist. He was an amazing teacher. I just felt so lucky to be there.
Me: How did you get that part, Paula? Did you have to audition?
Paula: A producer named Kevin Killen who produced my first album "Harbinger," it was Kevin who gave it to David Rhodes who is Peter's best mate and the musical director of his touring band. David is very picky and Peter trusts his judgement a lot. David heard to and said, "You need to listen to this, Peter." "Harbinger" was recorded and in the can waiting to be released, I'm touring around in coffee houses in America but its not released. Peter heard it and just point blank called my answering machine and asked me to join the tour. He had that much faith in it that. I think he did ask Kevin if I could handle this and he said absolutely. I was flown to Germany on Halloween in 1993, I had one rehearsal with Peter. We sang "Don't Give Up" and that night I was thrown out in front of 16,000 Germans. I had to be ready for that, I've seen the tour a couple of times. There were two stages, lots of moving parts, and I was ready because I was such a fan of the music.
Me: You went to Berklee like so many people I interviewed over the years here on the Phile, but you now teach there, am I right?
Paula: Correct. I'm a full time professor. I'm there two days a week and they allow me to sub out so that I can work. That's a wonderful arrangement and I feel appreciative by them. It's my alma mater like you said, and I have beautiful friendships, people that I went to school with are my friends and also faculty so it's a wonderful community, special place in the world. its very good to be back, and I have in the academic year to go to and be involved in the next generation. I learn a lot as much from them, it's a changing world and I'm looking at it through their eyes as well.
Me: Cool. So, what do you teach?
Paula: I teach how to communicate with a band and ensembles. I do teach some private voice, but mostly I teach songwriting, It kinda is a therapeutic process, generally we do listening and I try to give them some of the great artists like the Joni Mitchells and the John Lennons, these are autobiographical writers who are courageous and who changed over the course of their career. They were brave to change and lose some of their fan base, like Joni did, when she did her "Mingus" album. Or John Lennon when we went into primal scream therapy, quit the Beatles and found Yoko and came out with the Plastic Ono Band. It happens to be one of my favorite albums and I think it's important that people see the arc of a life time of a real artist, someone who is questing and thirsting to change and was brave that way. I'm trying to put them on a course for thinking outside the box and look within.
Me: So, what's next for you?
Paula: I want to write a book but that's getting a little demanding for me in my subconscious. And another live album. There are definitely some things on the bucket list, and when the feeling hits I will be writing and gathering material.
Me: Cool. Paula, thanks so much for being on the Phile. When your book comes out I'll have you back on the Phile. Take care and continued success.
Paula: Thanks, Jason, I'd love to come back. You were wonderful.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Paul Cole for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with singer Andrew W.K. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
No comments:
Post a Comment