Pheaturing Paul Fusco

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you? If you thought that Fox News could make it through something as seemingly uncontroversial as the passing of Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin without being racist, SURPRISE! They couldn't. Of course Fox News managed to be racist while mourning Aretha Franklin. The channel your grandparents watch to find out which particular group of immigrants they should hate today fucked up their tribute to the late legend with a picture of Patti Labelle.

On the left is Aretha. On the right is Patti Labelle. They are two different women. One of them is still alive, and one of them sadly isn't. Just some classic Fake News from Fox News, the only "reality" the president accepts!
Stephen Miller, the white supremacist behind the White House's most white supremacist policies (The Muslim Ban, family separation, slashing the refugee program, and more) is in for an awkward Rosh Hashanah dinner next month. Miller's uncle, neuropsychologist David S. Glosser, has just about had it with his fascist turd-nugget of a nephew, and wrote a powerful piece for Politico called "Stephen Miller Is an Immigration Hypocrite. I Know Because I’m His Uncle." Dr. Glosser maps out their families own immigration history, which began with Wolf-Leib Glosser, a Belarusian Jew fleeing Tsarist Russia to take his chance on America and the New World. With eight dollars to his name Glosser worked peddling on street corners and in sweatshops to bring his family to America. Had Wolf-Leib stayed in his village, or attempted to immigrate to America years later when "America First" nativism and anti-immigrant policies began taking hold, the family likely would have been murdered by the Nazis, who ultimately killed all but seven Jews in his hometown. As a neuropsychologist, Uncle David does volunteer work with immigrants from all over the world, who aren't the menaces to society and dangerous savages the Trump administration wants you to think they are. He writes, "President Trump wants to make us believe that these desperate migrants are an existential threat to the United States; the most powerful nation in world history and a nation made strong by immigrants. Trump and my nephew both know their immigrant and refugee roots. Yet, they repeat the insults and false accusations of earlier generations against these refugees to make them seem less than human. Trump publicly parades the grieving families of people hurt or killed by migrants, just as the early Nazis dredged up Jewish criminals to frighten and enrage their political base to justify persecution of all Jews. Almost every American family has an immigration story of its own based on flight from war, poverty, famine, persecution, fear or hopelessness. These immigrants became the workers, entrepreneurs, scientists and soldiers of America." Stephen Miller should cry uncle.
The British Royal Family has been a dysfunctional mess since King Egbert established rule over Anglo-Saxon England, but they at least know how to be quiet. The Duchess of Sussex formerly known as Meghan Markle has adapted quite well to her new job as Professional Hat Wearer (and charity patron and stuff), considering that the eyes of the world are perpetually on her and her uterus. But Meghan's dad, whose thirst for attention might have gotten him uninvited from the Royal Wedding in the first place, is very committed to keeping himself and his fraught relationship with his daughter in the news. Thomas Markle is now crying to the press that he "wants his old life back," a life in which he actively didn't go crying to the press. He told The Daily Mail that his son-in-law Prince Harry, whom he still hasn't met IRL, told him to "never go to the press," because it would "end in tears," advice that he clearly did not take. Per The Mail... "Mr Markle said he told Harry, ‘Maybe it would be better for you guys if I was dead… then you could pretend to be sad.’ ‘Then I hung up.’"  Thomas also called Harry "rude," which is pretty rude, if you ask me. The Daily Mail is insisting that the Royal Family is in the midst of an "existential crisis" over Thomas Markle's blabbermouth, with former royal aides calling the crisis management "inept" and "feeble." A former aide who worked on Prince William and Kate Middleton's 2011 wedding said, "The perception is that he was treated very much as an afterthought. No one went to visit him when the answer would have been to have someone fly out from London and explain to him how things were going to happen." To see how it all went down on their end, we'll just have to wait until season eight of "The Crown."
The Trumpster Fire is such an all-consuming nightmare that I've been forced to learn the name of Former FBI Counterintelligence Division Deputy Assistant Director Peter Strzok when the space in my brain could have been used to work on fart jokes. Over the past year, Strzok became a target of the conservative conspiracy theorists known as Republicans in Congress, because he privately texted his girlfriend once that he wasn't so jazzed about this Trump fellow. He insists that that did not effect his work, but Trump insists it's just proof that the investigation that has already indicted dozens of witches is just a witch hunt. Strzok, a veteran of the agency, was involved in the investigations into Hillary Clinton's email server ('member?) and Russian interference in the 2016 election. After months of the president kvetching about him on Twitter, the agent has just been let go. Getting fired is sad, and setting up a GoFundMe for "legal fees and lost income" is even sadder. Just a cool, chill, partisan purge of the FBI to start the week!
Sometimes (most times) the Trumps make it way too easy to make fun of them. On Thursday night, Eric Trump tweeted what looks like a SuPeR eMo AIM Away Message, but is almost certainly a subtweet at Omarosa.

On Thursday, Omarosa released a tape of Eric's wife, Lara Trump, offering her $15,000 a month from campaign contributions if she'd just stay quiet about what she had witnesses in the White House. Large Adult Son Eric Trump couldn't image what despicable type of person wouldn't take a bribe like that. Yeah, "disloyal people" are the worst. Like cheaters. His dad cheated on his mom and bragged about it to the New York tabloids before. And traitors. Would his definition of "disloyal" include people who collaborate with a foreign power to influence the outcome of an election? It's all so very emo. Has Eric heard about the time that the money from his charity, said to be going to kids with cancer, went to the family business instead? You go, Eric! That'll show 'em not to ever turn down a bribe ever again!
It's Sunday and some churches sure have some woke signs that wage holy war on "Christian: bigots.

Who's the moron? So, I mentioned at the top of the Phile that Fox News managed to be racist while mourning Aretha Franklin. Well, before that I didn't realize they made another mistake...

Idiots. Hahahahaha. So, I rarely get spiders or bugs in my apartment, but if I saw a note like this I think I'd shit...

Speaking of notes do you guys know your neighbors? I hardly know mine... I'm glad a neighbor of mine didn't leave me this note...

They wouldn't really because I don't have a dog. Remember the game Connect 4 I think it was called. Well, there's a brand new version that just came out...

That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...

You know, some things you'd think are photoshopped but are not...

Nope. When Trump went to England not long ago the Londoners sure had some very clever anti-Trump signs...

Haha. I've been told I can see some strange sights at Walmart. I didn't believe it until I saw this...

That's not too strange... but pretty... never mind. If I had a TARDIS I think it'll be cool to go back to the 70s to see Alice Cooper in his early career. Knowing my luck he'll look like this...

Facial hair and without his trademark black eyeliner. I would never know it was him, would you? I was thinking about getting a new tattoo but someone took my idea...

My arm isn't that hairy though, so I guess it wouldn't work. Do you know what I think is funny? Old people with inappropriate t-shirts...

Hahaha. It's been so hot, I decided to hook you up with some deals that’ll help you stay cool from now until we get this ecological disaster sorted out. Like Chill on the cheap with this 3-in-1 evaporative air conditioner...

Why pay to cool your whole house when you spend half the day in the living room watching Netflix? BONUS: It comes with special LED mood lighting, so you can keep cool in its sexy ambiance. Grab one before it’s gone on Amazon for just $25. Alright, so, the best thing about the Internet is you can look at porn for free. The problem is you might decide to look at porn instead of reading the Phile. So, I thought what if I showed a porn pic here to wet your appetite? The problem with that is you might get in trouble if you are reading the Phile at work or school. So, I came up with an ingenious conclusion...

You're welcome, kids. Hahaha. Alright, so, you know I live in Florida. There's somethings that happen in Florida that happens nowhere else in the Universe. So, once again here is...

A little boy was made to feel ashamed on his first day of school because of racist dress code standards in Apopka, Florida. His dad recorded the whole thing and is now speaking out. Clinton Stanley and his son Clinton Jr., 6, were turned away from the first day of school after administrators said the boy's hair could not reach below his ears. He allegedly was told that if he didn't cut his hair, he'd miss the first day of school, the Daily Dot reports. In the video, Clinton asks the school if he can braid his son's hair on the spot to keep it from reaching below his ears, but the school employees can be heard telling him that's still not good enough. "Everybody's hair is at their shoulders," Clinton says in the video, referring to teachers and other staff members whose hair is clearly longer than his son's. "I respect that, but that's just not right." In fact, the school itself shows a white boy with hair below his ears in its promotional materials. The school employees repeatedly say in the video that they can't do anything about the rules, and critics on social media have said the same thing. But this is why white supremacy persists: because people don't question the logic behind arbitrary rules such as this one. Would schools and workplaces consider dreadlocks to be unprofessional if they weren't associated with blackness? “If a kid has dreadlocks, that’s your personal standard," Clinton's father told WESH 2 News. "Meaning, that’s a personal problem you haven’t overcome, because 95 percent of the kids who have dreadlocks are African American." Ironically, the school, A Book's Christian Academy, considers itself a Christian institution. Some people on social media have insisted that because the school is private, it's within its rights to enforce any dress code it wants. But they miss the point: the dress code is based in the racist idea that for people to be respected, they must only wear hairstyles that are associated with whiteness. This Twitter user likens the school's issue with Clinton Jr.'s hair to any other dress code rule, like visible tattoos and open-toe shoes being banned. But in the U.S., tattoos and open-toe shoes are not associated with a racial or ethnic group. They are considered mainstream and are widespread among all groups. There is a happy ending, though... Clinton Jr. was welcomed to a new school. Of course, critics will say Clinton Stanley only recorded and posted the video for attention... but without drawing attention to racist policies like this one, they will continue unchecked. If kids are taught from a young age that dreadlocks are unacceptable and unprofessional, they will continue to believe it as adults. This is how racist biases are perpetuated.

Hahahaha. This is not the best Mindphuck, but as Paul Fusco is here on the Phile today... Anyway, if you spot it let me know.

So, a friend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something about Aretha Franklin. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good morning, humans. Several years ago, I had the honor of spending an entire day with legendary singer Darlene Love. Herself, a highly acclaimed vocalist with a long history in popular music. We spoke of a great many things on that day. The civil rights movement, Nelson Mandela, the current state of popular music, the Sun City recording session and who our favorite singers were. I told her that I used to be a singer and that my favorite has always been Stevie Wonder. She smiled and asked if I could sing some Stevie for her on the spot. I obliged by hitting a couple of lines from "My Cherie Amore." She applauded and asked if I knew any of her songs. I immediately jumped into her version of "It’s Christmas, Baby Please Come Home" (because I CAN and because I’m a hopeless show off). As I looked at her to see if she was impressed... she said... “That was amazing... but can you sing any Aretha?” I responded with, “You take the lead in "Spanish Harlem," I got the harmonies.” We sang it together for a few brief moments... then we spent the next hour or so talking about how much we both admired Aretha’s God given talent. For the rest of my life, I’ll always remember how I felt singing that song with Darlene Love. The Queen is gone... long live the Queen.

Ahem. When I did stand-up I would say I called my penis "Sprite." I like the Sprite in you. Okay, moving on... there's a inventor who likes to come on to the Phile and tell us what inventions he is working on. So far none of them seem that good, but he claims he has a few more which are. So, once again here is...

Me: Hello, Mak, I don't know why you are the world's greatest inventor, some of your inventions that you told us about are really bad ideas. I hope you have some good new ones.

Mak: I have five new ones that I've been working on. Wanna here them?

Me: Sure. I can't wait. What's the first?

Mak: Solar powered flashlight.

Me: Ummm... I really don't think that would work. Well, it'll work, but you won't need a flashlight if it's light out.

Mak: Okay, how about fireproof matches?

Me: What?! That's stupid. Try again.

Mak: Okay, how about a wood pencil?

Me: Ummmmm... for a second I thought that was a good one. For. A. Second. No, Mak, that's a horrible idea. Next?

Mak: A phoneless cord?

Me: Huh? What is the point of that? That's four stupid inventions, Mak. Make the last one be good.

Mak: Well, as it's been so hot, how about an air-conditioned sauna?

Me: Aggghhhh!!! That's enough. Get the hell out of here. Come back when you have better inventions. Mak Asterborus, the world's greatest inventor, kids. I have no idea why.

Kofi Annan 
April 8th, 1938 — August 18th, 2018
Even winning the Nobel wasn't enough to rank him higher than Boutros Boutros-Ghali in the list of all-time great United Nations Secretary-General names.

Aretha Franklin 
March 25th, 1942 — August 16th, 2018
C-R-O-A-K-E-D!

As you know Thursday morning, the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, died in her home in Detroit. According to her publicist, Gwendolyn Quinn, the 76-year-old legend's cause of death was pancreatic cancer. Since the news of her death spread, fans and fellow musicians have been paying heartfelt tributes to Franklin's legacy. Sadly but unsurprisingly, in true Trump fashion, the president's official statement on Franklin's death came off as an attempt to make her death about himself. Trump managed to dole out a heaping scoop of narcissism whilst talking about Franklin's death while simultaneously confusing people with the assertion that she "worked for me." Since the White House hasn't clarified Trump's statement (what even is there to clarify), people on Twitter are assuming the president was referencing shows Franklin played in Trump Towers. Needless to say, Trump's self-centered response to the death of a legendary musician feels grossly on-brand, but remains inappropriate despite how accustomed we've become to his nonsense. It would be really, really, nice if we lived in a country where our president could either say something tactful and empathetic, or shut up for an entire day. But alas, here we are. Rest in power, Aretha Franklin, you deserved a better world than this one.

The 85th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Margaret Kelly will be the guest on the Phile next Monday.

Phact 1. The top 5 most stolen items from grocery stores are meat, razors, baby formula, cosmetics, and alcohol in that order.

Phact 2. None of the Somali actors in the movie Captain Phillips had ever acted before. An open casting call was held in Minneapolis, Minnesota which has the largest population of Somalis in the U.S. Barkhad Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed, and Mahat M. Ali were chosen from over 700 people who auditioned.

Phact 3. In 1968, two boys playing in a deserted and rat-infested tenement found the body of a 31-year-old drug addict, surrounded by religious pamphlets and empty beer bottles. It was only 19 months later that the body was identified as that of child actor Bobby Driscoll, Academy Award winner and voice of Peter Pan.

Phact 4. The sex of a crocodile is not determined genetically. Instead, it is determined by the temperature of its environment.

Phact 5. Penguins can drink salt water because they have a supraorbital gland, which lets them filtrate the salt from the water.

It'll be full of Disney fun.

This is very cool. today's pheatured guest is a puppeteer, voice-over artist, and character actor. He is best known as the puppeteer and voice of the title character on the sitcom ALF, for which he also served as creator, writer, and producer. Please welcome to the Phile... Paul Fusco.

Me: Hey, Paul, I'm so excite to have you here on the Phile. I'm such a ALF fan. How are you?

Paul: Thank you, Jason, I'm glad.

Me: So, what was your inspiration to get into puppetry?

Paul: Oh, good question. By accident. My background was television production and magic actually. I used to be a magician. I did that for a while. I guess ventriloquism and puppetry was sort of like a stepchild to magic and I was interested in it.

Me: So, what was the first puppetry thing you did and how did you start?

Paul: I formed a company in Connecticut, I was doing industrial commercials and stuff, worked for local television and stuff like that and I ended up meeting a guy that worked with the Muppets. He was one of their puppeteers and he was also from Connecticut. We got to talking and we came up with this idea because television was always a perfect forum for puppets. Jim Henson discovered that a long time ago. The television frame is perfect, it's the magic that happens within that frame and we could control it and make people see what we want them see, that's basically what magic is about too. So we thought it was a good blend with my knowledge of television and his knowledge of puppetry that he wanted to do a television puppet special. We put money together and we stupidly used our own money, and burrowed money from friends and family and everything to do a Halloween special, which was all puppets. We did it on spec, we rented out a warehouse and built sets and brought the equipment in and everything. Long story short, we ended up selling it, believe it or not to Showtime, that time in the 80s, it was '82 or '83, Showtime was doing children's programming. They had this thing in the afternoon they were doing so... They bought it and said they really like his, can we do more with different holiday specials with puppets. I sort of fell into it and put of the development with this puppets came the character ALF, which I kinda put aside and said, "You know, I kinda like this guy, I'm gonna do something else with him." Basically that's the short long answer.

Me: So, was ALF almost part of the early stuff you did?

Paul: Not really. We had a puppet shop, we were building these characters, and out of the development for the Halloween show we were building these creatures. We were trying to figure out that these creatures were going to look like and everything and on the drawing board was a character that kinda looked like ALF. I kinda liked it but we didn't go in that direction for the Halloween special. I kept that drawing and ended up making a prototype puppet of it to see if it worked.

Me: How much of him changed from what we saw on the TV show?

Paul: Not a lot, you would recognize it. The eyes were different, I had human eyes in him at one time. Human glass eyes, and it was scary as all hell. It looked really creepy. By making him a little more cartoony and a little more softer, more like a throw rug, I described him as, it sort of just came together that way. Not a lot, it was a pretty close look.

Me: On the Phile before I told the story of how I met Jim Henson when they were filming "Muppets Go to Walt Disney World." He asked to move a trash can for a scene with Gonzo and Camilla. Did you ever meet him?

Paul: I did, many times. Henson wanted to buy my company and I had the pleasure of playing poker with Jim Henson about two months before he died. Bernie Brillstein who was one of our partners on "ALF" represented Jim Henson. When Jim Henson knew that Bernie was doing another puppet type of prime time show Jim had known who I was prior to me doing those holiday specials. When he saw them on Showtime we set up a meeting, wanting to buy my company, and buy me and bring me over to the Henson organization. At that time I think they were doing "Fraggle Rock," he wanted wanted to send me to Toronto and work on "Fraggle Rock." It was a very difficult decision, because I never knew if ALF was going to make it or ALF was not really even a conception at that point. I turned down a very lucrative offer that was more money than I've ever seen in my life. I ended up not doing it because I wanted to go out and do my own thing and ended up doing that. Jim always was really encouraging and actually a good sport about it. He said to me, "Congratulations. You did something I've been wanting to do for a long time and that is to get a puppet on prime time television. You did it before me so congratulations." He was a very nice man.

Me: Wow. What was it like playing poker with him? How did that happen?

Paul: Bernie Brillstein put it together, Jim used to come and visit in California and Bernie had this little rec room and Jim said, "I want you to put together a poker game and these are the people I want to be there." He mentioned my name and that was it.

Me: Did he look sick or showed signs of being sick at that point?

Paul: No. He went quickly. They said that he had ignored he was coughing up blood. He went down to see his mother in North Carolina I think it was, and he was coughing up blood. He was sort of a Christian science scientist so he didn't believe in doctors and didn't have any treatment and when he came back to New York two or three days later it got worse and worse. He ended up, because he couldn't get a cab, he ended up walking to the hospital that was near his apartment there in New York and they admitted him. It was too late by then and the doctor actually said, "If this guy had gotten here three, four or five hours earlier we could have saved his life."

Me: I was sitting in a break room at Epcot where I worked when I found out about his passing on the TV in there. Where were you when you found out?

Paul: I was in L.A. and Bernie had called me and told me. He said, "You're not gonna believe this." I was just devastated.

Me: Okay, enough of this sad shit. Let's talk about "ALF." How did you pitch the show to NBC? 

Paul: It's in Brandon Tartikoff's book, I walked in with the character in a shopping bag, a garbage bag actually, no one knew what it was. I went into this executive room, it was had a long table, we all sat down and I threw the bag under the table. I made a joke when I came in, they saw the bag and I said, "I brought my laundry, on the way out I want to use the NBC laundromat in the place." Everybody said ha haha ha, they knew it was a joke. I threw it under the table and my partner Tom Patchett started telling Brandon Tartikoff who was sitting at the head of the table, and all his cronies were on the right side of him, and I'm right to Bradon's left. It was me, Tom Patchett and Bernie Brillstein, and Tom goes into this long pitch about an alien from space and funny. I could tell that they did not want to do this show, they heard it before, their eyes were darting, we were pretty much dead in the water. Bernie kinda read them and he said to Brandon, "Look, before you pass on this idea, at least I want you to meet the character." Bernie tells me, "Bring him out." So I reached out from under the table and I put him on, this was the prototype that we made, and I had him put him up at the table so he was sitting at the table between Brandon and myself. Silence falls over the room, everybody was just dumbfounded that I had this, and of course they were waiting for some brilliant hysterical icebreaker line or joke or whatever. ALF says nothing, he just looks around the room really quietly and when he turns and sees Brandon he gives him a once over then ALF picks his nose and wipes it on Brandon's jacket and totally broke up the room. Brandon was talking to him, I knew we had it cold when Brandon was making eye contact with ALF in the room, he was like a little kid. He was saying, "So, why should I put you on my network?" ALF was saying, this was at the time when Tartikoff had some pretty bad decisions... he liked to take chances with this high concept shows. They had done this show called "Manimal" with Freddie Silverman, they did a show called "Supertrain," they had a whole bunch of flops that had a very high concept. ALF said, "I'll tell you why, because you need me. You've got junk! What are you thinking? 'Manimal'? What is that all about?" Brandon slapped his hand on the table and said, "You guys got a show, you got a pilot." That was it.

Me: That's great! How did you come up with the idea he loved to eat cats?

Paul: The cat thing just came out of me. At one time I did not like cats but I didn't get to the point where I would eat them. Ha ha. When I married my wife she had a cat and I had to take the cat with her, that was part of the deal. This cat ended up being my pet. Cat lovers who have cats, cats just deserve to be picked on. I did it as a joke. Basically all it was something that I thought was funny. 

Me: Ha. Cats are arseholes. What about his voice? How did you come up with that?

Paul: His voice kinda morphed... to be honest with you I think if you watch the first season of "ALF," the voice is a little different. It took me about five episodes to find the voice where I wasn't losing my throat, because it was so gruff. It was almost like Rowlf the Dog, remember Jim Henson's Rowlf the Dog? I kinda liked that boisterous outgoing character and that's where it started. As I was starting to have to play scenes without ALF couldn't just be doing one-liners all the time, ALF had to show emotion, had to be three dimensional, so I couldn't be emotional when I was gruff all the time. By the fourth episode I found this bit inside my throat where I could be a little higher, so that's basically how it came. I needed to find a comfortable place for my voice so I didn't lose it.

Me: Did you ever hear from groups like PETA when it came to the cat part?

Paul: Yep. ALF used to do a joke about cats and PETA. He used to say, "I love cats on pita bread, it's better than rye." Yes, we did all those jokes. The bottom line was get a sense of humor, it's a puppet. 

Me: As I said in the intro to this interview you were the voice, the puppeteer, the writer, the producer of the show, how did you survive all those many years doing that?

Paul: I don't know. And director, I directed the third of them. I don't know, I just did it. It was fun, it was a labor of love. I loved it, it was time consuming, but when I'm doing my passion there's nothing better than doing something that I love. That's all I could say. When I look back at how I got through it, but I got through it, it was very exciting.

Me: Did you feel you took on too much?

Paul: Nope. I had a lot of great people that once the show got some momentum, there were a lot of good writers and directors that stepped in that could make it easier. It did slack off a little bit.

Me: How many puppets were used for the filming?

Paul: Actually there were three. Technically two, there was a third one that was a full body one, and then we had a costume that we used for a walk around but we got rid of that after the second season because it didn't look good. We built a full radio controlled body one, but basically there were only two.

Me: Where are they today?

Paul: They are living in California and waiting to work.

Me: I can't wait for that. I read ALF is being rebooted. What can you say about that?

Paul: We are trying to get a new TV series made.

Me: I heard rumors once that it might possibly by CG, is that right?

Paul: No. We don't know yet. We are not at that stage yet. I think that part of it will be CG. that's the only way to make him do things he would not normally do. But I will not sacrifice his look to make it look indifferent than what we are used to. A lot of the Muppet stuff is CG that you don't know about. They do CG but make it look like a puppet. They're not going for saliva dripping mouths...

Me: Hahaha. I'm glad you're still gonna be involved with it. Was that something that could not happen?

Paul: No, I would have to sign off on it. I wouldn't sign off on anything that I wouldn't be happy with.

Me: So, back then if "ALF" continued for another season, what would it have been?

Paul: Well, we did a movie of the week called "Project ALF" which was supposed to be a "back door pilot" but we would of seen ALF in a military situation where he was almost like a Sgt. Bilko, and is family would have had visitation rights and it would have opened his world up to different people, different families, that maybe a group of scientists had to draw straws to see who would get him for the weekend, that kinda thing. 

Me: What happened to the show? It sucked it ended the day it did.

Paul: The problem was we started to paint ourselves in a corner because ALF couldn't interact with too many people, violating the premise of the show, so it was very hard for us to keep putting his world up. We did a lot of fantasy episodes, dream sequences, stuff like that, those became so much fun that I said to the writers we could only do two of these a season, we cannot be throwing logic out of the window like ALF is the president of the United States, ALF as David Letterman, ALF as whatever it is. It's fun every once in awhile, but we needed to stay grounded, that's where it would have done if we had done that.

Me: What was your favorite episode of the show, Paul?

Paul: The "Gilligan's Island" one, we actually got those guys. If you watch it on DVD unfortunately there's four minutes cut out of it. The original NBC shows had four more minutes in them that the DVD sets they were distributed through Lionsgate were the syndicated versions were edited. That's sad, but... it's still funny show.

Me: Why and what were taking out?

Paul: Oh, god, there were some things that were taken out, there were music themes that were taken out, usually snippets you wouldn't notice if you watched it but the NBC masters have I think three more minutes of material in them.

Me: Shit. I have the whole series on DVD too. Damn it. Hahaha. So, we talked a little about it just now, but Warner Bros. is rebooting the show. Do you think it's a good idea?

Paul: I think the character deserves it, I think that will make it come full circle, hopefully expose him to a whole new generation of fans. There's talk with Netflix, so maybe. We did an ALF talk show for TVLand a while back and that went pretty well, but they only did seven episodes, because that was what TVLand was doing at the time. We pitched the idea of ALF doing a Larry Sanders type of show, like a TV show in the front and in the back there's a real ALF, not caring about what is going on. So we'll see.

Me: ALF was in Funny or Die's "Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie," that was funny. 

Paul: Yeah, Donald Trump stole ALF's hair if you look at it. Right away ALF is pissed that Donald stole his fashion.

Me: Haha. Do you think ALF continues far off in the future?

Paul: Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think that's one of the biggest rushes as a creator my creation goes on after me. I said it before, part of ALF was when I was trying to get into this business my wife asked me what I want to do. I said, "I wanna create the next Mickey Mouse." I said that sort of tongue in cheek but there's something supernatural about having created something that will go on past my own life. Look at the Muppets and Kermit still lives, Mickey Mouse still lives. Why would I want to sacrifice his life after I'm gone?

Me: Who do you think ALF relates to?

Paul: He relates to all ages which is really amazing. That's something that NBC couldn't understand at the time, because when we first went on the air the trades kinda did like, without watching the show, gave us some bad reviews. They said NBC is putting out a puppet show at eight o'clock, what are they thinking. Then about after the first season they were saying "well, at least we should be listening to what this puppet is saying. It's funny." We used to get fan mail from Hells Angels that would put ALF on their sissy bar of their bikes, to people in convalescent homes that look forward to it, to little kids writing letters saying "my parents say ALF, you're not real, tell me you're real." It was an amazing suspension of belief for everybody that became a fan of the show because they all accepted him as what he is, that was great.

Me: I first got into ALF when we came to Florida in April of '87 and stayed at a hotel. When we moved here from England in October I was so glad it was still on. I even had an ALF t-shirt... Anyway, I was hesitant in bringing ALF up as a puppet, and if you'd answered these questions. Back then I think ALF was a "real person" and not mentioned as a puppet, right?

Paul: We did try to keep it a secret for a long time and never used the "puppet" word. When people asked what is he we would say he's an alien, he just happens to look like a puppet. That's what he is. I think that goes back to my magic, not wanting to show the behind the scenes stuff. It wasn't rocket science what we were doing, it had been done before, puppetry's been going on for a long time, the Muppets were certainly doing it way before us but for some reason with the blend of him walking and everything, people didn't know, they thought it was a guy in a costume all the time. They didn't know what it was, and that was a real compliment.

Me: So, cool. Paul, thanks for being on the Phile. Please come back when the new show happens. Can you?

Paul: Sure, I'll come back. This was fun.

Me: Thanks, this was such an honor. I loved this. Take care. ALF forever!!!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Paul Fusco for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Ali McManus. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker