Hey, there, good morning. Welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you? Man, Meghan Markle is living a good life. She's newly married, deeply in love, and is a goddamn Duchess... but sadly, all the money in the world can't spare her from having an annoying dad. Thomas Markle famously didn't make the Royal Wedding because of a heart attack the fallout from the fact that he staged and sold photos of himself getting ready. Now Mr. Markle is begging for access to his princess via British tabloids. In an interview with The Sun, Markle is insisting that Meghan is miserable and is begging her for access to her fancy life. "My thing about my daughter right now is that I think she is terrified. I see it in her eyes, I see it in her face and I see it in her smile," he told The Sun. "I’ve seen her smile for years. I know her smile. I don’t like the one I’m seeing now." Markle is begging his daughter to call him. "The phone number I call... it doesn’t work anymore. There’s no address I can write to... I have no way of contacting [her]," he said, which is presumably why he's talking to a tabloid. "I had a heart attack, doesn’t anybody care? I could actually die soon. Does she want this to be the last thing we’ve said to each other? It is probably the longest time I have gone without speaking to her ever." Okay, that one's just really sad. Who would have thought that the Royals would be the less dysfunctional family? Speaking of the Royals, look at this cute picture...
The institution may be deeply fucked up and incompatible with the 21st century but OMG LOOK AT PRINCESS CHARLOTTE SQUEEZING BABY PRINCE LOUIS' HAND!!!
The latest installment of Donald Trump Jr. posting ridiculous content on social media has arrived, and hoo boy, this one is a ride and a half. On Friday, Don Jr. took to his Instagram to post screenshots of commenters calling him hot. You know, as we all have from time to time. In case that action in itself wasn't bizarre enough for the son of the president, Don Jr. made it ten times weirder by noting that some of the commenters were gay and hashtagging the post #diversity. To be fair, it feels on-brand for Don Jr. to give lip service to inclusivity only in the context of strangers on the Internet deeming him sexually viable. In case you forgot, he is going through a divorce from Vanessa Trump. So, this feels like a natural progression of his public emotional spiral.
Don Jr. wrote, most likely before hitting "send" on some DMs to the commenters. Perhaps the funniest part of this whole ordeal, is the fact that Don Jr. saved those screenshots for a full week before posting. He's apparently aware enough of social media practices to curate his content, but blissfully ignorant enough to think screenshots of compliments are primed up for posting. He got dragged, obviously. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Don Jr. is sitting on a whole folder of these screenshots to pull up when he's feeling the sads.
BREAKING NEWS: Trump lied. The FBI has a tape of Trump and Michael Cohen discussing a payoff to a Playboy model. Pretend to be surprised. While the White House insisted that President Trump knew nothing about paying off former Playboy model Karen McDougall to keep quiet about their alleged affair, The New York Times reports that lordy, there are tapes. The affair went down in 2006, right after Melania had Barron. Nice! According to the Times, Trump's longtime fixer and Ray Donovan wannabe Michael Cohen secretly recorded Trump talking about the payments to McDougal in September 2016, and the FBI has the receipts. Per the Times, "The FBI seized the recording this year during a raid on Mr. Cohen’s office. The Justice Department is investigating Mr. Cohen’s involvement in paying women to tamp down embarrassing news stories about Mr. Trump ahead of the 2016 election. Prosecutors want to know whether that violated federal campaign finance laws, and any conversation with Mr. Trump about those payments would be of keen interest to them." This story has EVERYTHING. The president. A Playboy model. The FBI? Twitter took a break from accusing Trump of treason and reminding people that the children are still in government custody away from their families to react to this salacious twist. Time will tell if this tape will have as much impact as the "Access Hollywood" tape which was, um, nothing.
Breastfeeding is normal and natural, but unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way... even some mothers. Earlier last week, Carly Clark, a pet store manager from Spartanburg, South Carolina, went on a violent rant against breastfeeding mothers and their babies on Facebook. In the since-deleted post, Clark wrote...
And although Clark removed her post, other people took screenshots of status and spread it all over Twitter, some using the hashtag #BoycottPetsense. Surprise! She ruined her own life. Petsense in Gaffney released this apology...
Initially the statement did not mention that Clark was fired, which pissed people off. But after the outcry, Petsense announced that Clark was terminated. Clark's statements come the same week that model Mara Martin made headlines after walking in a Sports Illustrated swimsuit show while breastfeeding her 5-month-old daughter: And although Martin did receive some pushback, most of the reactions she got were positive. Martin's best friend, Samantha Montroy Purcell, put it best when she later wrote about why it is important to normalize breastfeeding. "Moms should be able to feed [their] babies WHENEVER, WHEREVER, and HOWEVER they want to, without taking crap from a bunch of busybody keyboard warriors with nothing better to do than trash someone they know nothing about." Got that, Ms. Clark?
Earlier this month, a mysterious 2,000-year-old sarcophagus was unearthed in Alexandria, Egypt. The 30-ton sarcophagus, which was buried 16 feet underground, is made of black granite, and features an alabaster head of a man at the top. According to BuzzFeed News, the head was likely formed in the image of the tomb's owner. Sounds chill! After the sarcophagus was discovered, an online debate was sparked over whether or not the thing should be opened. But honestly, most people were like "bring it on." Now, if you have any respect for what Brendan Fraser went through in all those Mummy movies, you would hope that Egypt’s Ministry of Antiquities would rebury the thing ASAP and pretend like the whole unearthing process never happened. But on Thursday, they decided to open the thing anyway. So what was inside? Pretty much exactly what you would expect... dead people! According to the New York Times, three human skeletons were discovered in the sarcophagus. The remains were floating an a foul-smelling red liquid, which the Egypt’s Ministry of Antiquities said was sewage that had leaked into the vessel from the road above through a small crack. Oh yum, people stew. Researchers are still looking into the who these three skeletons might have been, but they suspect that they were most likely three military officers. One of the skulls appeared to have been hit with an arrow. "The sarcophagus has been opened, but we have not been hit by a curse," said Mostafa Waziri. secretary general of the Supreme Council of Antiquities. YEAH, NOT YET!!!! "We’ve opened it and, thank God, the world has not fallen into darkness," joked Waziri. "I was the first to put my whole head inside the sarcophagus, and here I stand before you. I am fine." The skeletons and sarcophagus are being transferred to the Alexandria National Museum.
You know, if there is a God some people started far from his light...
Ummm... okay, you know I love the beach and Star Wars... well, here is a mix of both...
Queen Amidala, kids. If I had a TARDIS I would like to go to the beach in California in the 70s, and see if I could see any celebrities. Knowing my luck I'll run into these two...
She looks so pissed. There's still some Royal Wedding souvenirs available. Like these
pip pip Cheerios.
See what I did there? If you're thinking about cheating on your loved one you might want to think twice after seeing this...
Damn. People in London sure had some vicious but funny anti-Trump signs...
Do you remember the Garbage Pail Kids? There's a whole new series of cards out...
Hahahaha. So, one if the best things about the Internet is you can look at porn pretty easily. But the problem is you might not look at this blog. Then I thought what if I showed a porn pic here, but then I thought what if you were at work and got in trouble. Then I thought of a solution...
You're welcome. Okay, look, iPhones are great. Most of us would die without one. But there are some people who've mastered the art of turning one of mankind's greatest achievements a torture device. Here's a new pheature called...
Teasing someone with the typing bubble, but never sending a text. “Here it comes… wait for it…” you think, but nothing ever materializes. Do they have no response? Did something come up? Now, you’re left to speculate on what they were trying to say and why they didn’t say it.
You don't have to be British to laugh at this but it helps...
That's funny. You know, a majority of the modern world has progressed to the fact that women are not only funny, but they're also terrifying human beings who are capable of great violence if you don't laugh at their jokes.
Hmmmm. Alright, so, with Trump's Russian controversies last week a "friend" of the Phile wanted to try and explain and maybe clean up the mess. So, once again please welcome to the Phile...
Sarah: Oh, my darling, oh, my darling, oh, my darling Clementine... hello, Jason.
Me: Hello, Sarah. So, at Donald Trump's press conference with Vladimir Putin (where the president of the United States sided with the Russian dictator over the U.S. intelligence community's conclusion that he interfered with the 2016 election. 'Member?), and his subsequent insistence 24 hours later that he actually meant the opposite of what he said. Every Trump-Russia controversy has another Trump-Russia controversy inside. See what I did there?
Sarah: No, I don't. Jason, before the briefing, despite his very convincing insistence that he's Team United States, the President was asked if he thinks that Russia was still targeting the U.S., which according to intelligence agencies, they are. Not, once, but twice, the President said "no."
Me: Ha. So, what do you say about this?
Sarah: Women who have been attacked by the president have likely been told... "no" doesn't mean no.
He wasn't saying "no" as an answer to the question, Jason, but was saying no to taking questions at all.
Me: Ummm. With your relationship with the truth, I'm skeptical of the spin. Saying no to questions is not how Trump says no to questions. How the president could possibly have any credibility when he just says "LOL JK" a day later. The dictionary has even chimed in on this attempt at a clean up on aisle Trump. Look...
Me: Sarah, would Trump would entertain Putin's proposal to question former U.S. ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul, and busniessman Bill Browder?
Sarah: Letting foreign government question citizens who weren't even accused of crimes is apparently something that just isn't done. Even the State Department is like "nah."
Me: Great job, Sarah! You are going backsies on the backsies on the backsies.
Sarah: Can I go now?
Me: Sure. It's a scary time, but keep your eye on what really matters: whether or not you can eat chicken in peace.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know.
After 24 hours of condemnation from the entire world, the White House has finally settled on a strategy to combat the bad press Donald Trump got from publicly siding with Putin over the United States when it came to the fact that Russia interfered with the 2016 election. Here's what the highly-paid brain trust that make up the executive branch came up with: he misspoke. For approximately three seconds, the president appeared to endorse United States intelligence agencies' conclusions that Russia interfered with the election, insisting that his statement to the contrary was just tripping on a double negative. Then, after three whole seconds of holding Russia accountable, he decided to add some doubt. "Could be other people also. A lot of people out there," the president said. Needless to say, people aren't buying his backpedalling. If he didn't mean what he said, then why did he say he meant what he said on Hannity? Also, why was he sucking up to Putin for years?
I'm soooo excited. Today's pheatured guest is is an English singer, musician, songwriter, and record producer. He is a founding member and songwriter of one of my favorite bands ever... Squeeze. His book Some Fantastic Place: My Life In and Out of Squeeze is the 83rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Chris Difford.
Me: Hey, Chris, welcome to to the Phile. I have even waiting ten years to have you here. How are you doing?
Chris: I'm very good, nice to speak to you.
Me: I don't know if you know but I interviewed John Bentley here a few times and Gilson Lavis. I love the album "Spot the Difference," Chris, where you rerecord a bunch of your hits. I asked John about this but I want to hear it from you. How did that idea come up?
Chris: Well, the idea was so we could regain some of the copyrights of our songs that have slightly gone forever. When people come to us for films, or TV commercials they can use the versions we rerecorded. That was the original idea behind that.
Me: Well, I loved that album. I saw you guys at Radio City with Cheap Trick on that tour. How did the other fans react to it? Did you hear from them if they spotted the difference?
Chris: No, not really. It had a very low key release. Some people spotted things but overall it came and went very quickly as a record.
Me: Okay, your book Some Fantastic Place: My Life In and Out of Squeeze is the 83rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Were you into music your whole life, Chris?
Chris: Well, I was very young actually. It was the early 1970s when we had to queue up to buy the latest records in the record shop. That was the way of listening to music in those days. Spotify is the way young people listen to music these days and that doesn't quite have the same embrace really for me as to listening to vinyl.
Me: Who were you influences you listened to?
Chris: Well, it was quite a mixture really. From the Allman Brothers to Donovan I guess. I particularly liked American music because it was new and coming from a completely different musical place. I still endorsed and loved people like the Who and the Beatles.
Me: How did you get involved with a band and playing?
Chris: Well, in school, where people get bored of school work and pick up an instrument, learn how to play it and join a band. Here we are 45 years later. No one wants to sit through a maths test or a geography test, bias of my age just wanted to do something completely different and that's what I did.
Me: So, to form Squeeze you borrowed money from your mom, am I right?
Chris: Yeah, I put an ad in a shop looking for a guitarist to start a band and Glenn Tilbrook was the person to answer that advert. There you go, we spent the rest of our lives together.
Me: You're such a talented songwriter, Chris. When did you start to write lyrics?
Chris: I was very young actually. I started out writing poetry but didn't know what I was writing. It was fun, and again it was something to do instead of normal school work. To me it was an escape to sit and write nonsense with a pencil, rather than do algebra.
Me: Where did the name Squeeze come from?
Chris: It's a pretty boring answer really, but it's true... it just came out of a hat. It could of been any other thing, but it just came out of a hat.
Me: What was the music scene like when you started out as a new group?
Chris: I think a lot of people that saw us were a bit quizzical because they saw us as quite fast and very short. Within a year we found a manager, got record deal and everybody else were doing songs that were fast and short. We were part of the new wave, and came across to America and doing small clubs. That's where we cut our teeth.
Me: What was it like when you first came to America? I know my dad saw you guys at My Father's Place a few times on Long Island.
Chris: I don't know what people thought... I don't think they were quite ready for anything part from Bachman Turner and Overdrive, ZZ Top or Foghat. When we came over it was a shock to most people. But after 70 tours we managed to get a large following I would say.
Me: I got into your music big time when I got "Singles 45's and Under" on cassette one Christmas but I heard your music from my dad's home studio way before that. We didn't have MTV so until I saw you guys in concert in Oxford on the "Cosi Fan Tutti Fruiti" tour I wasn't 100% sure who did what... I had some kind of idea. I told Gilson this, when I first saw the "Argybargy" album cover I thought he was the lead singer. Anyway, we didn't have MTV so I didn't see your videos until much later. What was it like making videos back then, Chris?
Chris: I really didn't find it that enjoyable I suppose. Nobody really does but when MTV came along it was the calling card, you had to have one. We had as much fun as we possibly could doing the videos. We did them in a short space of time so we didn't over elaborate. I'm quite fond of them when I look back at them.
Me: So, when and how did you decide you were gonna write the lyrics and Glenn was gonna write the music?
Chris: It was just unsaid, it was like a natural thing. We didn't question it, and I wasn't like I'm going to do this and you're gonna do that. I was better at one thing and he was better at another. I can't imagine Elton John writing lyrics so we did what was strongest.
Me: What is your writing process and what is it now? All your songs are like short stories, which I love.
Chris: It's always been the same really, I sit at my desk and the lyrics come to me. If I'm looking for something it's because all the wrong reasons.
Me: I have so many songs to ask you about so I decided to pick one randomly, and it's "Tempted." How did you come up with that one?
Chris: Well, I was sitting in a taxi and it came to me. I wrote it down on a cigarette box, well at least the first verse and when I got home I wrote the other two verses. Bingo... I had a song.
Me: As the band got bigger, how did that change you? Did the band get tighter and better?
Chris: I think we were always tight. Even today as the band falls in and out of punctuality with music, we had some highs and some pretty steep lows too. Generally speaking we are a very tight band, certainly we were when we first came to America.
Me: When you first broke up in '82, what was the cause of the break up?
Chris: I think every now and then we get to the point where the band runs out of steam or we just need to take a break from one another and we were able to do that. We were tired and we needed a break so I think 1982 was a good example of us going in different directions.
Me: You went into management which surprised me, Chris. What made you decide to get into management?
Chris: I love it. If somebody rings me up and asks me to do it I'll do it. I enjoy working on the other side of the curtain. I prefer being the Wizard of Oz than Just Garland.
Me: Hmmm... if I wanted you to manage my band what would you do for me?
Chris: Facilitate your imagination to an extent. Just try to be an inspiration.
Me: What is one of your favorite songs you've written and still like to play live to this day?
Chris: It changes every time someone asks me this but "Hourglass" was a big hit in America and I always loved playing it. It's got a fantastic groove to it, it's not particularly lyrically strong but it's got a great groove.
Me: Okay, I have to mention your book before you go. What made you decide to write a book and how did you get all your material together?
Chris: Well, it was quite simple... I was sitting on a tour bus, I was quite bored and I started writing a book. Three years later it was done. I wanted to do it because I had a rough life with one thing or another and I wanted to write about it in the book. It's not particularly a book about Squeeze or about anybody's relationship, it's about my relationship with myself and what it's like to be in a band and how I witnessed the ups and downs really.
Me: What were some of the ups and what were some of the downs?
Chris: Well, the ups are obvious... playing at the Beacon Theatre in New York was a wonderful place to play, or Madison Square Garden or the Albert Hall in London. They were great. The downside was laying in my bed, trying to get up, trying on the day when mind might be taking over. It's hard to control mind sometimes.
Me: With your ups and downs did you go through some bad depression?
Chris: Yeah, of course. I've been there, been down in the pit. I'm in a good place now, I'm pleased with the book, it had great reviews and I found it a very inspiring process. I'm really pleased and very happy.
Me: What was your favorite part of writing the book?
Chris: I enjoyed it all really. Writing about my parents was wonderful, and Glenn, paying respects to Glenn for everything. The whole arc of the story I'm proud of, so thanks very much for putting it in your book club.
Me: You're welcome. You've written for some other people... how did that happen?
Chris: I just have to get up in the morning and pray and hope things are going to turn out okay. If luck has it somebody will call me. I've written with lots of different people and I'm open to writing with lots of different people. I don't go searching for it, the same way I don't go searching for words. I just wait for it and the moment comes when the moment comes.
Me: Cool. Chris, I'm so glad you were able to come on the Phile. I have to say I love the latest Squeeze album as well... "The Knowledge." I hope it's been fun and I hope you'll come back on the Phile again soon.
Chris: I will. It's been great, thank you.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Chris for a great interview. I have so many more questions I wanted to ask him. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Brian Volk-Weiss, the creator of the series "The Toys That Made Us." Then next Sunday it's the biggest, most famous I think guest the Phile has ever had. I'll tell you who that is tomorrow. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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