Pheaturing Phile Alum Desert Tundra

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you doing? Let's start off with a story about a    British couple detained for 26 hours at an L.A. airport and sent home because the groom is Muslim. It seems every day under the Disney villain-esque Trump administration, the U.S. is becoming a less and less appealing place to travel (or live). According to a new report in "The Sun," a newly married British couple is saying they were detained at an L.A. airport for 26 hours during a trip to the U.S. in May, and they believe it was because the groom is Turkish, and immigration officials "thought he was Muslim." The saddest part is, stories like this don't even surprise me anymore. Natasha Politakis, 29, and Ali Gul, 32, from London, had spent over $9,000 on a trip to Los Angeles, Hawaii and, finally, Las Vegas. Instead, they ended up spending more than a day at the Los Angeles International Airport, before they were handcuffed and sent back to London, "The Sun" reports. Not exactly a honeymoon. “As far as we knew before we left everything was fine, but as soon as we got there they wouldn’t let us in," Politakis told "The Sun." "We believe since Trump was elected, they took one look at his name, thought he was Muslim and didn't let him in." The couple said they were given "no explanation" for their detainment, but given Trump's crackdown on Muslims entering the country, they believe that they were most likely detained because Gul is Turkish and "they thought he was Muslim." "It was for no reason,” Politakis told the "Guardian." “We tried to talk to the embassy but they said just go on the website and there was no explanation there. We had visas, we had everything. We were treated like criminals." To make things somehow even worse, the couple told "The Sun" they were refused a shower and had all their possessions confiscated throughout their detention. "They stuck us in this detention center in the airport, stripped us of all our possessions and didn't let us shower, get a coffee or change our clothes for 26 hours," they said. They also claim that when they tried to find out why they were being detained, authorities handcuffed them before escorting them onto a flight back to London. The U.S. embassy has declined to comment on the alleged incident but said there were "more than 60 grounds of inadmissibility divided into several major categories, including health-related, prior criminal convictions, security reasons, public charge, labor certification, illegal entrants and immigration violations, documentation requirements, and miscellaneous grounds," the "Guardian" reports.
If you've been wanting to make some real estate investments recently, boy, have I found the deal for you! This creepy clown motel can be yours for the low, low price of $900,000.

I told you it was a good deal. According to A.V. Club, the Clown Motel is located in scenic Tonopah, Nevada, a small town of 2,478 people located in between Reno and Las Vegas, and it's currently for sale. Rooms at this establishment are extremely budget friendly at just $42.50 a night for a single room. A.V. Club reports that the motel is in a prime Tonopah location, on Main Street right in between a strip mall and the old miners' graveyard. That, my friends, is the ultimate vacation destination. And just look at all these (most likely haunted) clown figurines!

And the best news? All these frightening clown figures are included in the price! How do I know? Well, the motel's current owner, Bob Perchetti, told "Las Vegas Now!" that his one condition for selling the property is that the new owner keeps all the clowns. And he'll know if you get rid of them, because he's going to come check on you. “Oh, I’m going to miss the clowns. I’m going to come back. I’m going to come back and visit my clowns,” he said. Why do I feel like if the new owner did attempt to remove the clowns they'd just keep reappearing? Oh, because this whole thing is a freaky nightmare waiting to happen. In fact, I'm getting ready to write the based-on-a-true-story horror movie screenplay about it.
A $12.99 tote bag is causing some drama on the Internet. Remember The Dress and all the havok it wreaked? This BelleChic bag is like that, except some people read it and see "my favorite color is glitter." Others read it and see "my favorite color is Hitler."

People were Fuhrious, how did the designers Nazi this? Hahahaha. I'm cracking myself up. Matt Molen, Chief Marketing Officer for BelleChic, spoke to Allure and confirmed that the bag has been redesigned with a new, more clear font. "While I realize that most of the social media buzz and commentary has been tongue-in cheek, the type of abhorrent sentiment conveyed as part of the misinterpretation absolutely does not align with our company values, nor is it something we would ever want to encourage or support," said Molen. Sorry, craft-loving Nazis. The old design is now retired.
A study published in the journal "Pediatrics" details the case of a young baby in Spain who for eight and a half months lived on an "exclusive intake of almond beverages and almond flour." As any mother (or most humans) could guess, this diet was not healthy for the baby. A doctor suggested the baby, then two-and-half months old, switch from a cow to almond milk formula after exhibiting skin rashes, the "Washington Post" reports. For a few months, everything was normal. However, at six months the baby began repeatedly rejecting vegetable and fruit purées. A month later, there were signs of deterioration. At first, he "showed less interest in interacting and was more unstable when sitting." By month 11, there were some vary scary signals something was wrong: he wasn't walking and cried when someone touched his legs. It turned out that his diet has deprived him of vitamin C to such a point that his legs were broken. The baby's broken legs, mood, and "failure to thrive" were symptoms of his incredibly low vitamin C level. His vitamin deficiency meant he had contracted scurvy, a disease more often associated with pirates or voyagers traveling pre-1900 than modern-day babies in countries such as Spain. Fortunately, the baby was provided with a 300 mg dose of vitamin C daily. In three months, he improved to the point that he began walking. Now the little Spaniard can do a happy baby dance. The study abstract ends by saying, "Manufacturers should indicate that these beverages are inappropriate for infants who consume a vitamin C–deficient diet." This case, then, does not mean that almond milk is "bad," it just infers that almond milk is not an ideal foundation for a baby's diet. Also, it suggests that an almond milk cleanse would be a very poor idea.
Hey, in case you haven't noticed, J.K. Rowling really hates Donald Trump. In fact, Rowling's favorite past time for the past couple of years has been administering sick burns to the President and his devotees on Twitter on a regular basis. Truly, her scathing and witty anti-Trump tweets are almost as magical as her Harry Potter books. J.K. Rowling was up to her old tricks and feeling especially feisty a few days ago after President Trump announced via tweet that transgender people would no longer be able to serve in the military. She was on a rampage, and took down infamous conservative whiner Tomi Lahren with one brutally sarcastic tweet...

Although most of Rowling's followers reveled in the Tomi-takedown, some told her she should not be concerning herself with United States politics as a citizen of the U.K. She proceeded to own those people as well. All right, folks, who is next? Remember, this woman has balls of steel... she created Dumbledore and then KILLED him in cold blood. She isn't afraid of no Internet troll and she certainly is not afraid to take on Donald Trump. Now if only there were a spell that could get former conservative talk show hosts to stop spewing nonsense on the Internet... Avada Kedavra, bitches.
So, did you see the poster for the new Tom Cruise that comes out this Christmas? If not, I have it right here...

I think it'll be good. Haha. Ever go to Goodwill? I have only been there once but you can find some very helpful things there, like this...

Do you like Kraft Macaroni & Cheese? I used to when I could eat gluten... anyway, their new slogan is kinda to the point...

I have been telling you that Kellyanne Conway has been holding up signs on TV for some reason. Well, guess what? She held up two more...

That's funny. So, I was looking on Amazon for things to buy and I came across this...

Next time the power goes out, let the tears of a unicorn illuminate your path. I know my sister Lucyn would like that. So, the Democrats have a new slogan...

Hmmm... I think they need to go back to the drawing board. At a ridiculous rally in Youngstown, Ohio, Donald Trump made some comments to his adoring crowd about his face on Mount Rushmore. He was joking, kinda, making a point about "the fake news media" running with his comments in sensational headlines. Then again, he did ask "Will I someday be on Mount Rushmore?" Well, apparently he is on it already...

That was quick. Hahaha. Disney, the greatest company in the world, has been known to change their characters looks over the years to keep up with the modern times. I like that, but I think is taking it a little too far...

I don't know what to think. I also don't know what move that is from. So, in the past I have shown you some bathing suits or bikinis you might see at the beach. Well, here's another one...

BBH Asia Pacific copywriter Douglas Hamilton believes you shouldn't let a minor thing like the lack of a swimsuit stop you from jumping in the ocean. The solution? The ThingThong! This product is for that ultra-last minute trip to the beach... adjustable elastic Y-straps and the slipper itself will cover your modesty. Hmmm. I don't know what to think. well, I consider myself a pretty lucky person but some people are so lucky they are...

You know who is winning at life? Gal Gadot, because she made us feel nice, for once. This was such a moving moment that even the ever-emotionless Ben Affleck called it "sweet." A little girl burst into tears when she met her idol, Diana, Princess of Themyscira, and it just goes to show how powerful and important it is for young kids to get to see female heroes. Representation matters, people, for both humans and amazons.

Are you a lazy person? If so, I bet you are not as lazy as...

Lazy got. Hahaha. So, are you planning on going on a date and want to show off that you're smart, or at work you want something to talk about? Well, I have the answer for you. It's just the...

Phact 1: Playboy Bunny outfit was the first service uniform registered with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.
Phact 2: At age 9, Ron McNair, the African-American astronaut, later killed in the Challenger explosion in 1986, refused to leave a segregated public library after the librarian rejected his request to check out some books. The police were called, as was his mother. Years later they renamed the library after him.
Phact 3: The shishito pepper grown in Japan is unique that only one out of every ten peppers is spicy and there is no way ti know beforehand, which one it might be,
Phact 4: Verizon received $2.1 billion in tax breaks in Pennsylvania to wire every house with 45Mbps by 2015. Half of all households where to be wired by 2004. When deadlines weren't met, Verizon kept the money and didn't deliver. The same thing happened in New York.
Phact 5: A Frenchwoman, Jeanne de Clisson, became a pirate in the 1300s to revenge her husband's death, who was beheaded for treason. She sold her family's land to buy three ships and painted then black with red sails. For the next thirteen years she went on a pirating binge, targeting King Philip VI's ships and personally beheaded the French nobleman she captured with an axe.

Hmmm... if you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, so, ever have deep thoughts about life when you're taking a shower? Well, I do... so I thought I would share one of those thoughts with you in a brand new pheature called...

I wonder if I've ever bought milk from the same cow twice. Hmmmm.

I don't get it. Hahaha. Soooo confused. Moving on...

The 64th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Author and Phile Alum Gary Gerani will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Tomi Lahren
Tomi Lahren is a conservative political commentator, when it suits her.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum whose new EP "Something Fierce" is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile... Desert Tundra.

Me: Hey, Desert, or Janet... haha. Hi, how are you? Welcome back to the Phile.

Desert: Hey, Jason! How are ya? Thanks for having me back. I'm feeling more like Desert today... haha.

Me: I have to say about that pic... wow. Haha.

Desert: It's my aesthetic.

Me: So, your stage name is Desert Tundra, like a super hero or X-Men, am I right? Or is your band now called Desert Tundra?

Desert: Yes, you totally get it! Every superhero has to protect themselves from the rest of the world.... Even Superman has to pretend to be Clark Kent. And yeah, my band is also called Desert Tundra.

Me: Alright, so, if you were a superhero named Desert Tundra what kinda powers would you have? 

Desert: I'm kinda obsessed with Jean Grey who is also the Phoenix. She's a telepath and the only Class 5 mutant. Like she can literally do everything. Her powers are completely endless. Okay... I'm geeing out right now, haha.

Me: Would you be a hero or a villain?

Desert: I would totally be a hero. That way I can show all the people who bullied me in middle school and high school that I'm not the monster they think I am.

Me: You have to give me a superhero name. Can you do that? Hahaha.

Desert: I would call you Sol. The latin name for the sun... because you are smoking hot... haha. You like that, huh? 

Me: Yeah. I think you need glasses though. Hahaha. But thanks, I like that. I interviewed a friend of yours a few months ago... Troy Richardson from Love Like Suicide. He saw your interview here and wanted to be interviewed. Did you know that?

Desert: Oh, for real? I Had no idea! I'm beginning to feel like Hollywood is shrinking by the day. I feel like I kinda know everyone in the L.A. music scene... Troy is legit. So, He actually helped kick start my band. He was our original bass player and he was trying to recruit me to play lead guitar for Love Like Suicide.

Me: When was the last time you saw Troy?

Desert: We actually just recently played a show with Love Like Suicide at the Lexington in downtown L.A. 

Me: His favorite band is Garbage, D.T., what is your favorite band? Do you have one?

Desert: Of all time? Hmmm... that's a tough one. I'd say Hole / Courtney Love. I love her! I love her aesthetic.

Me: Okay, so, you live in L.A., which is a unique area as you are not far from a desert or the ocean? Which one do you like better?

Desert: I actually love both to be honest! I love surfing and I'm obsessed with the desert. It amazes me that even in the most harsh conditions life still manages to exist. I also wanna try sand boarding which I hear is hella fun!

Me: I saw this pic of you and it looks like you love the water or frightened by it. Haha.

Me: Which one is it?

Desert: Haha... oh my god! Have you been stalking my Instagram... haha. Just kidding. I seriously love the water. There's something about it that's so soothing. That pic was actually from a photo shoot I did when I did a little modeling. The look was to be "happy and carefree"... haha.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new EP "Something Fierce." Did you write all the songs on it yourself?

Desert: The new EP is a collaborative effort between me and the guys Jesse Pniak, Hiram Torres, Alex Madrid and Lee Piatelli. And I think that's what makes it so interesting cause we all come from different musical backgrounds and it creates this totally unique sound.

Me: When you write do you write on the keyboards or guitar?

Desert: I mostly write with an acoustic guitar, but for vocal melodies I usually use my piano.

Me: So, what was the inspiration behind the title track?

Desert: Haha... hard to believe but I was in love. And never again, haha!

Me: The video looked like it was a lot fun to film... was it?

Desert: Yes! It was sooooo much fun! My favorite memory of that video shoot was this drag queen named Anne Thrax screaming during the final scene that she was about to orgasm. Hahaha!

Me: Whose idea was to have a pillow fight on the video? Haha.

Desert: It's a very sexual song, so Hiram (our bass player) suggested a pillow fight with sexy girls. But we all agreed that that's been done before. Alex (Our lead guitarist) suggested drag queens. We played around with the idea of using Bears but in the end the drag queens won, 'cause let's be honest no one knows how to have mad fun more than drag queens!

Me: The beginning made me laugh when one of your band members say, "Poison is not a dad band." Was that scripted? It was very funny.

Desert: Not at all, that was a last minute decision made by director Jeremy Reyes. We did a lot of takes during that scene, and during editing Jeremy said they just couldn't stop laughing at the banter we we're doing. So he contacted us and said he wanted to do ad lib overdubs.

Me: So, what is your definition of a "dad band"? Is Bon Jovi a dad band? Foghat? The Band? Haha. 

Desert: It's kind of an on going joke between me and the guys because Lee's taste in music is so much mature. Like bands I've never heard of... haha. Yeah, Bon Jovi is total dad rock.

Me: So, was this new EP easier than your last one to record?

Desert: Yes, most definitely. I have the best team ever!

Me: Do you have the same band members? I think you do... they all look familiar. Did you pick the band out yourself? 

Desert: A: Yup! Same band members. It's officially our second year together. I love these guys to death! Jesse (our keys/rhythm guitar) helped me audition the members.

Me: Who is in the band, Desert? Give them a shout out.

Desert: So, it's Jesse Pniak on rhythm guitar and keys. Alex Madrid on lead guitar, our shred master. Hiram Torres on bass and of course Lee Piatelli on drums and comic relief... haha. Love you, fam!

Me: There's a track on the EP called "Bar 20" which is a real place... I guess you wrote that song when you were there?

Desert: Hmmm. Now for the meaty part. Nah, it's about this guy that I met at Bar 20 and we had a thing. The whole EP kinda revolves around that relationship. I'll let you use you imagination for that one on the song "Something Fierce"... haha!

Me: Does the band have any input on the music, or do you do it all?

Desert: In our band it's a democracy, everyone has input.

Me: I love the artwork for the CD... I take it that's your eye, but who came up with the design and "scenery"? It's very clever.

Desert: Shout out to my boy Stefano Bordino, an amazing illustrator and for being so generous to let us use his artwork. He lives in Italy.

Me: So, what is next for you and the band? Are you already writing music for your next release?

Desert: Yup, we are always planning months ahead of time and we've got something we're working on.

Me: Alright, go ahead and mention your website and everything, Desert. I wish you continued success. Please come back on the Phile when your next CD come out.

Desert: Thanks again, Jason, for having me back, it was so nice to see you again. So check us out on Deserttundra.com, facebook.com/deserttundra, Instagram.com/desert_tundra/ and twitter.com/_desert_tundra_. Hope to see you again soon!

Me: Me too. Take care. Where less clothes next time. Hahaha.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Desert Tundra for a fun interview. This is very cool... the Phile will be back next Sunday with actor, comedian and musician Harry Shearer. You know, from "The Simpson's." I am so excited. Anyway, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snaked and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker