Hey there, good afternoon, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. Not just a regular Monday... it's Martin Luther King Day. We must not judge people by the color of their skin but by their annoying personalities. Here's to MLK for being the only person in history to be interstesting when talking about a dream. This MLK Day, I plan to demonstrate non-violence through napping. After I'm done with this entry of course. So let's get on with it.
As Laird said yesterday, that's all folks. After 146 years of shows, the Ringling Bros. circus will have it's final performance of the "Greatest Show On Earth" this May. The news comes after years of declining ticket sales and protest of the treatment of elephants, CNN reports. The circus had become unsustainable to maintain, according to Kenneth Feld, CEO of Feld Entertainment, which has owned the circus for the past 50 years. Ticket sales were already down, and with "the transition of the elephants off the road, we saw an even more dramatic drop," he said in a press release about the decision. Well, I for one won't pretend to be sad. Circuses are one of those bad things we used to do, that we all finally managed to get on the same page about. Now, we all agree: this is bad and we should not do this anymore. Don't get me wrong, we will surely move onto enjoying something else that's mostly unethical, but we just won't realize it until much later. Are people sad about the circus shutting down? Not really. Then there's this ad for the circus...
I can think of nothing better to usher Donald Trump into the presidency and the American people into their worst nightmares turned reality, than the music of 3 Doors Down, whose single "Kryptonite" is like a fever dream that jolts me back to the year 2000, when my brain was a horrible encyclopedia for pop lyrics. Still, they refuse to exit my recallable memory; I hear the aggressive chorus, "if I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?" thrumming through my head at the thought of the "alt rock" group. While the public didn't managed to guess that the band would be among the few musical acts, along with Toby Keith, to play the inauguration, in hindsight it makes perfect, awful sense. It's embarrassing that the inauguration committee had to dredge up a band that no one has thought about in at least a decade to perform. Toby Keith... 3 Doors Down... Jackie Evancho. We're a Ferris Wheel and a few funnel cakes shy of a State Fair. You can't see that line up unless you go to a Just Tires opening.
The one thing that drives Donald Trump completely batshit (besides Hillary Clinton's emails) is not being popular. He lost the popular vote by the largest margin ever, he can't get anyone to play his upcoming inauguration, the "dress stores" in D.C. are not sold out, and now it comes out that there are hundreds more requests for bus parking permits for the Women's March scheduled for the day after Donald Trump's inauguration than there are for the inauguration itself. According to Fox News, the District Department of Transportation has received 393 bus permit applications to park at RFK Stadium on January 20th. Meanwhile, the company handling permit requests for the Women's March, Events, D.C., has received 1,200 RFK (which has a capacity of 1,300) permit requests for the following day. It's pretty clear who the "loser" is in this situation.
Searches for "golden showers" on Pornhub have more than doubled in the past 72 hours, the site reports. AND everyone in my news feed is making pee jokes. Did I miss something??? Just kidding of course. Everyone including your parents knows by now that Buzzfeed published an "unsubstantiated report" a few days ago that claimed, among many things, that our President-elect once paid Russian prostitutes to pee in front of him at a hotel where the Obamas had recently stayed. ICYMI, for the past few days, it has been raining pee jokes and memes all over the Internet. So it's no surprise that Pornhub has reported searches for the phrase "golden showers" are up 102%, and searches for other pee-related terms (like "pissing" and "watersports") have increased by 71%. Trump has vehemently denied the claims and trashed the news sites that published them, calling them "fake news." So we can't say if he did or did not pay anyone to pee in front of him. But it wouldn't be that surprising, now would it? According to Pornhub user data, pee porn is most often searched for by men over 65. And men are far more likely to pee into it, I mean be into it, than women. And where in the country are people most likely to be into water sports, you didn't ask? I'll tell you anyway: the top "honors" go to Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine in that order. Oh, those freaky New Englanders! Maybe New Hampshire should change it's slogan to "Live, Pee or Die."
The Scottish newspaper "Sunday Herald" published perhaps the most accurate description of the upcoming clown show that is the inauguration in their print TV Guide on Sunday morning, Variety reports. "After a long absence, 'The Twilight Zone' returns with one of the most ambitious, expensive, and controversial productions in broadcast history," it opens. And it only gets crueler (and funnier) from there. "Sci-fi writers have dabbled often with alternative history stories — among the most common is the ‘What If The Nazis Had Won The Second World War’ setting — but this huge interactive virtual reality project, which will unfold on TV, in the press, and on Twitter over the next four years, sets out to build an ongoing alternative present." Yikes. We are officially living in an alternate reality fit for a sci-fi show. The tune-in blurb goes on to explain the reboot of the classic TV show "The Twilight Zone" by describing the setting as a "nightmarish version of 2017 in which huge sections of the U.S. electorate have somehow been duped into voting to make Donald Trump president." Crazy to think that this is real life! Sadly, the inauguration and the next four years, while they might feel like a fever dream, are real life. And already the inauguration is shaping up to be a sad affair, full of dredged up C-list acts who have all been scorned for agreeing to perform, from early aughts alt-rock band 3 Doors Down, to the few Rockettes who needed the cash, apparently. But of course, Trump will continue to be as delusional as possible about his reception, so help him God.
Have fun!
I mentioned it's MLK Day as you know... well, there's some odd observances of this day out there. Like this one...
Ride the righteous waves of equality. I love this new poster Trump just released of himself...
He put the "p" in president. Hahaha. Do you know they are re-making From Russia With Love?
Hahaha. Did you know Trump Tower has two entrances to the building? No? Check it out...
So, Trump calls CNN fake news... and he might have a point. Check out this ad for the news network...
Hmmmm. By the way, I think this church hit the nail on the head...
So, Odell Beckham Jr, was watching the Packers/Cowboys game last night from his couch and he dropped the remote four times.
See? Poor Odell. I still think he's great. I mentioned in yesterdays entry the new L.A. Chargers are getting slack for their new logo. I have no idea why...
I think it's pretty good. Hey, this just in on CNN...
You say potato, I say... Donald Trump? Hahaha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...
Top Phive Other, Wild Unsubstantiated Claims About Donald Trump
5. Trump once politely held open the door for a woman who he didn't think was a "10."
4. He once apologized for something he said when it was proven to be wrong.
3. He personally made sure that all the independent contractors who worked on his campaign have been paid in full.
2. One of his closet and dearest friends is hector Arroyo Gonzalez of Tijuana, Mexico.
And the number one other wild, unsubstantiated claim about Trump is...
1. He plans to continue the tradition of pardoning the White House Thanksgiving Turkeys.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, it was a crazy weekend of football, and I need to talk about it with my good friend Jeff.
Me: Jeff, welcome to the Phile again. How are you?
Jeff: Hey, Jason. I've been better, I've been worse. I'll survive. How are you?
Me: I'm hanging in there. Okay, we have to talk about the biggest football news in the past week... the Chargers moving to Los Angeles. L.A. is now home to the two teams who gave the Browns and 49ers their only owns this season. Are you surprised it happened so quick?
Jeff: I don't know that it really happened that fast. There was talk of it last off season too. The owner Dean Spanos just figured he had more of a chance to make money in L.A. than he does in San Fran, so yeah. He's moving his team. That is a weird coincidence I will tell you that much!
Me: And what do you think of the whole logo controversy?
Jeff: I can understand the issues with the logo. It is kind of lazy. It just combines the Dodgers and the Tampa Bay Lightning logo. To the point that the Lightning Twitter made a joke that they and the Dodgers "are just friends."
Me: Man, I cannot believe the Falcons beat the Seahawks. That's a big upset, wasn't it? Seahawks fans haven't been this upset since their Carolina Panthers went 6-10 in the regular season.
Jeff: I wouldn't call the Falcons win an upset. The Falcons did have a better record than Seattle. The only thing that makes it an upset is that Seattle has been there before. We're to the point in the NFL schedule that we're used to the Falcons choking. But they didn't do that on Saturday. Hahaha, yeah it's true about the Panthers.
Me: Did you see this Cowboys fan who showed up to the game with a backup cheesehead hat just in case the Packers beat Dallas?
Jeff: Well, you gotta be prepared. That bandwagon fan clearly was!
Me: I thought this was funny... after clinching the spot, the Falcons' Facebook account posted an event to attend the Falcons vs Packers NFC Championship 20 hours before the game even kicked off yesterday in Dallas. Here's proof...
Me: Do you think they had a feeling Green Bay would win?
Jeff: I'm sure it was more of wishful thinking on Atlanta's part. If Dallas had won, Atlanta would have had to travel to Dallas. But since they are the higher ranked team the NFC championship game is now in Atlanta. And I was unaware this is the last year they are playing in their current stadium, they'll be getting a new one next year. So they get to end it in style!
Me: I mentioned in the monologue damn Beckham kept dropping the TV remote while he watches the Cowboys/Packers game from his couch. Don't you think the Giants still should be playing?
Jeff: No. The Packers beat them. And they beat them quite soundly. Maybe your receivers shouldn't have gone to Miami. I mean look how good Miami played in the Wild Card and they live there! HAHAHAHA. Stop it. Your team lost. But hey, at least Dallas lost too? That's got to help you when you remember your team lost. And Washington didn't make the playoffs but you still picked them in the Wild Card Round. I'm not letting that go.
Me: Ugh. Hahaha. I don't blame you. Okay, what other news in the NFL is there?
Jeff: Four of the five coaching vacancies have been filled. That's news within it self, but all the new coaches are just that. They have never been a full team head coach in the NFL before. They're all coordinators getting a big chance now. The Rams are the ones taking the biggest chance. Their new coach is 30 years old. The Rams are such a young team though that he's only older than one member of his team. The only team without a head coach right now is the 49ers.
Me: Alright, so, how did we do last week, Jeff? There's no way I can win this season, right?
Jeff: The only chance you have to win is if we put a ridiculous bet on that Super Bowl. You went 1-1 this weekend. And earned no points since the Giants were eliminated last week. I however went 2-0 with a Steeler win. So my lead grew to 10 points now. Regardless I think this might be the first year we both had more wins than losses. You are 21-17 and I went 25-13.
Me: Congrats on your Steelers win. Okay, two games next week... let's pick 'em. I say Green Bay by 2 even though I kinda want the Falcons to win. And Patriots by 7. What do you pick?
Jeff: Thank you! Thank you! You realize every time you pick against Pittsburgh they win, right? I'm going Falcons by 3 and Steelers by 3 as well.
Me: I do realize that. It might be a Steelers Super Bowl. Okay, my friend, I'll see you back here next Monday. Good luck.
Jeff: I will see you next week to discuss Super Bowl LI. Or 51. LI looks dumb.
Me: I agree. Have a good week. Okay, kids, let's play a little game called...
So, what is it? Hahahahaha. Oh, man.
Pornhub
Pornhub is a video sharing website specializing in 2-3 minute clips of what you should try and remember is someone's little girl.
Thom will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.
Today's pheatured guest is a very talented musician from North Carolina whose new single "Author" is on iTunes now under the name Wild Domestic. Please welcome to the Phile... Matt Carlson.
Me: Hey there, Matt, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Matt: I am excellent, thanks for asking and hope your are good too!
Me: Thanks. So, should I call you Wild or Matt?
Matt: Anything but “Shirley” is okay with me... bad Airplane reference? Matt is cool.
Me: No, good Airplane reference. Well done. Where did the name Wild Domestic come from? What does that mean anyway?
Matt: I like an oxymoron and the words wild/domestic had been rolling around in my head for a while before I started the band. I feel like we are all wild creatures, wearing a costume of domestic ordinary life.
Me: What's with the publicity photo of you sitting up in a bed outside? Hahaha. You don't really sleep outside, do you?
Matt: Kind of the same thing with the name actually, I love pairing drastically different conflicting ideas or feelings or looks together. I don’t know how much into the wild I really am, because when my photographer friend, Eli (shout out to Pharaohtography) was taking the pictures, I was getting eaten by bugs. I like my creature comforts so I don’t sleep outside unless by mistake!
Me: You are based in North Carolina, right? What part?
Matt: I live in Charlotte, which sits right near the North Carolina/South Carolina line.
Me: Ever been to Myrtle Beach? That's one place I'll never go again. Long story...
Matt: Haha, if you had said that to younger Matt, he would have been very upset. I’ve been to Myrtle Beach quite a few times! It’s a real honky-tonk kind of place nowadays. As a kid my family would vacation up at Sunset Beach, North Carolina and we would go to Myrtle Beach at night to for the amusement parks. I haven’t been in quite a few years.
Me: You weren't born in the U.S. though, right? Where were you born?
Matt: I was born in Paraguay, South America and adopted by my parents and brought to my home in Charlotte when I was six months old.
Me: Ever go back to Paraguay to visit?
Matt: I have not yet, but will at some point.
Me: How long have you been in the states?
Matt: I was adopted from Paraguay when I was 6 months old, so I’ve been in the states all my life!... minus 6 months.
Me: You started to learn different instruments at a young age... how old were you?
Matt: I think I started when I was like six years old. I liked singing and started camps and classes at the Children’s Theatre of Charlotte. Then as I got older I started some music lessons and attended an arts high school with emphasis on music and theatre.
Me: What was the first instrument you learned to play?
Matt: The piano, and I still play!
Me: So, what instruments do you play?
Matt: Guitar, bass, drums, piano and variations of those to a lesser extent.
Me: What was the hardest one to learn?
Matt: Banjo, and I’m really not great at it, it’s kind of the newest. I wanted a challenge, and man did I find it. I didn’t keep up with it.
Me: So, what bands did you grow up listening to, Matt?
Matt: When I was a kid, my parents, especially by dad had classic rock playing a lot. He said “In A Gadda Da Vida” was a lullaby, haha! I remember riding in the car listening to anything from Michael Jackson to Pink Floyd’s "The Wall." As I got a little bit older and into the teen and middle school years, I discovered pop punk and alternative rock. That bit me and luckily I never recovered. I like so much music that I can’t even narrow it down... everyone from early My Chemical Romance to David Byrne to Buddy Holly, Arcade Fire. I love Bowie.
Me: Let's talk about your new single "Author." What is this song about?
Matt: The song is kind of a chapter in what is going to be the full EP. It’s my first stab at writing something with a through line. “Author” is about the point in a break up where paranoia sets in. When you start second guessing every little thing that happened, and asking yourself what you did wrong, how could you have saved it, etc.
Me: I can relate... It's very cool, and you're a pretty good songwriter. Have you been writing songs for a long time?
Matt: The first song I think I wrote was in 6th grade. The only difference is that back then I wanted to be a typical 6th grade funny goofball all the time. I think it was (at least what I called it) a comedy song that was probably seriously not funny.
Me: This is not your first release, though, is it? You had an EP out called "Wild Domestic." When did that come out?
Matt: The self-titled came out in March of 2015.
Me: Has your music changed a lot since then?
Matt: I’d like to think so. I have a lot of music in me and I can feel small changes. I know I have a lot of growing to do musically. I get impatient but the older I get the more I think I have a story to tell and hope I get the chance to tell it. I also think I put on a good show. I have some confidence in my ability to entertain the audience.
Me: You are coming out with a new EP called "Singular." How did that EP get to be titled that?
Matt: It’s a descriptive title about a character on the way to get their stuff back from their ex. Leaving them… wait for it… Singular… haha. It also fits a little of how I feel about myself and Wild Domestic. I enjoy people but still am always a bit singular.
Me: Is it gonna rock like "Author" does?
Matt: That’s the plan, let’s hope it does! People have said my sound is wide-ranging, not narrow. "Singular" may be like that but to me it’s a natural progression and I just write what I feel based on where I am.
Me: So, I have to ask you about this... you did some acting in the past? What type of acting did you do?
Matt: I actually started with acting, I mainly did musicals, but I have a few commercial and film credits!
Me: Any commercials I might have seen? I did a Sheetz commercial where I was a “Time Jumper” and NASCAR punk kid blip on the screen. I had a small role in a video release movie Trinity Goodheart.
Me: I have a screenshot from the Sheetz commercial, Matt.
Me: Lucky man. I like Wawa a lot better. Haha. Do you still do some acting?
Matt: When I have the time, I love doing musicals and plays! I just played the Christian Slater character in the musical adaptation of the 80s cult hit, Heathers. Before that I had roles in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch," “Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson” and “The Phantom of the Opera.”
Me: Cool. Are you gonna make a video for "Author"?
Matt: I hope to make one. Of course, funding is the constant challenge with all music efforts.
Me: By the way, do you have a favorite author?
Matt: I like Edgar Allen Poe, as well as Steven Chbosky and Lemony Snicket.
Me: Matt, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Wanna plug your website or anything?
Matt: Sure! This has been cool. Thanks for much for the interview! My website is WildDomesticMusic.com! Buy “Author” now on iTunes and other outlets. Look for "Singular" this month and come to Charlotte for upcoming shows!
Me: Take care, continued success and please come back when the EP comes out. I hope this was fun.
Matt: Thank you so much! I’d love to!
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Matt Carlson. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Phile Alum Chas Hodges from Chas & Dave. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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