Season's greetings, and welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. Did you hear Rodney King was shot? Who says it's good to be king? Man, talking about a shitty life. First he gets the crap beaten out of him in 1991 which started the L.A. riots, now he gets a bullet in the face. You must, MUST hear St Louis Cardinals' manager Tony La Russa's attempt at reciting the alphabet during his DWI stop in March. He gets the A at the start, but whiffs on the terminal Z, and kinda overlooks some of the mid-major letters through the middle. And he has a law degree! Does anyone like Emeril, apart from my mother-in-law? Food Network is kicking Emeril Lagasse down a notch. The celebrity chef's "Emeril Live," which has been on the air for 10 years, will cease production Dec. 11. The Food Network will continue producing Lagasse's "The Essence of Emeril," though. Except for their will be some changes. "The Essence of Emeril"will be about something he finds in the bottom of his laundry hamper. Neil Diamond held onto the secret for decades, but he has finally revealed that President Kennedy's daughter was the inspiration for his smash hit "Sweet Caroline." This is seriously creeping me out. Didn't he also write a song about
E.T.? Arizona police are offering a $2,000 reward to anyone who can help them catch the suspect who allegedly raped a 1-year-old Russell Terrier, MyFoxPhoenix is reporting. And you thought shit like this only happened in Florida. Last Friday was
my 39th birthday. One more year until my life starts! Actually, they say fifty is the new forty. But for me, it feels like 80 is the new 40.
R.I.P.
Dr. Robert Cade, who invented Gatorade and sparked the multimillion dollar sports drink industry: Gatorlaid to rest.
Verity Lambert, the first producer of "Doctor Who": Silence of the Lambert.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1864
The Sand Creek Massacre, in which the US Army sent soldiers into an indian encampment, slaughtering 300 indians. The Cheyenne and Arapaho had been given an American flag to prevent such an event from occurring, but an army colonel chose to disregard it.
1944
Malcolm X, then known as small-time criminal Malcolm Little, was arrested for larceny. He received a three months suspended sentence and one year probation.
1961
The US sends the chimpanzee Enos into space, on the Mercury Atlas 5 capsule from Cape Canaveral.
1986
Death of 82 year old Archibald Leach, better known as Cary Grant. While rumors of Grant's sexuality have been around for years, consider in perspective the words of US congressman Bob Dornan, spoken on the House floor: "I do not think Cary Grant was a homosexual or bisexual. He just got carried away at those orgies."
1987
The KAL flight from Abu Dhabi to Bankgok explodes due to a bomb planted by North Korean agents, off Burma. All 115 aboard were killed. The two agents responsible take suicide pills in Bahrain while they were being questioned.
2001
The "quiet" Beatle George Harrison silenced by cancer.
2007
I finish my first week of training in my new job.
CANNED LAUGHTER
A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
HEROES
For the second to last episode of the season, I found the last episode a bit slow. It had it's cool parts but I looked at my clock a lot throughout the episode. Overall, I think "Heroes" has come a long way since the beginning of the season. I think many "Heroes" viewers are just spoiled from the novelty and plot twists of the first season so they are critical when stories/characters aren't up to snuff. But, that said, I am looking forward to the season finale. As the ads keep saying, "It all comes down to this." Some things that happened in the episode was Claire punching the car window was sublime. Claire's not really that tough so it struck me as a little amusing that she would threaten Elle who has proven to be nothing other than a sadistic psychopath (and way tougher than Pom Pom). It was still a good moment though. After all, Claire is one of the good guys so I like seeing her stand up for herself. Monica finally became St. Joan (though it didn't last long). I loved when she came into Micah's bedroom to tell him she would help. Monica is essentially kind at heart so I find it easy to like her. Sylar killed Alejandro then answered the door as if he just jumped out of the shower. I missed the bad Sylar. He has been way too restrained these past few episodes. I have wanted his power to return since he killed that girl that was babysitting him in the jungle. Hiro told Peter that he was on the wrong side and ran at him with a samurai sword. That was bad-ass. I have no other way to describe that.
DOCTOR WHO
Good news for "Doctor Who" fans, in particular fans of actress Billie Piper, who played the part of Rose Tyler from the show's return in March 2005 until July 2006.
The British actress will be returning in no fewer than three episodes in the forthcoming series -- set to air in 2008 -- giving the Doctor three companions over the course of series four. Piper's character was stranded in an alternative universe (forever, it seemed) at the end of season 2, but she will now return for a three-part story arc -- and with a bit of luck, we'll see her team up with Martha Jones to vie for the Doctor's affections.
NUTTED BY REALITY
The "Amazing Race 12" spent a second episode in Burkina Faso, but there, it introduced one of two new game elements that are supposed to be unveiled this season. More often than not, these elements—the Yield and, to some degree, the Intersection, which has the potential to slow one team down—are either ignored by the teams or don’t have that much of an impact. But on its first appearance, theU-turn was actually used, and left one team so far behind they couldn’t recover. The theme for this season seems to be animals. There have been many challenges involving animals, and this episode, for no real reason whatsoever, the teams had to carry a live chicken to the mat. “No chicken, no check-in,” their instructions said. Ronald talked to his chicken, saying, “it’s okay little birdie. It’s only temporary; you’re out for dinner.” He might have also said “you’ll be dinner”; the squawking chickens made it tough to hear. Shana bonded with her chicken, and told Jennifer, “Let’s name the chicken Phil” because “he’s cute like Phil; he looks like Phil.” She also said the chicken had Phil’s hair, and the editors showed us a black-and-white shot of Phil running his hand through his messy hair as proof. Jason said, “We’re not quitters, that’s for sure. … Hopefully everybody starts making mistakes, and we just don’t make any, and we continue onward.” And hopefully, unlike every other team to make similar statements during the race, the editors aren’t just foreshadowing your elimination. “You can’t speak to me in dance terms,” Nate said to Jen, as she tried to teach him how to dance.
Phil introduced one of this season’s new twists: “A U-turn is found at the end of a Detour. Teams can use the power of a U-turn to slow down another team, forcing them to backtrack and complete the other side of the Detour they did not previously complete.” Announcing her team’s decision to not use the U-turn, Jennifer said, “We’re going to win this race like freakin’ men.” She did not, however, scratch herself for effect. When his daughter asked if they should use the U-turn, Ronald decided for them, and declared, “We choose not to use the U-turn because we’re not dead last.” Um, if you were dead last, you could only U-turn yourself, right? Smart move.
“That’s a really good picture of us,” Shana or Jennifer said, after U-turning Lorena and Jason. Jennifer was convinced that the bad karma of the U-turn wouldn’t be worth it, but Shana said, “it’s for $1 million, and I’m not risking it for someone to be mad at me.” Referring to agitated chickens, Hendekia said, “They’re going to the market to get eaten, so they have a reason to cry.” Because the chickens weren’t causing enough drama on their own, Phil explained that the Roadblock involved carrying “an unwieldy amount of supplies, including a potentially uncooperative goat.” But the goats were tied up in laundry baskets, and were only able to raise their heads up and bleat at the team members. Performing a dance in front of three judges, two men and a woman, Jason said, “I feel like we’re on "American Idol" right now. In Africa. I wonder if that’s Simon, or that’s Paula Abdul.” Lorena looked at the woman, and said, “Come on, Paula!” The six most anticipated words of the season were spoken by Ronald: “Okay, okay, I shut my trap.” As two teams raced for the mat, one of their camera operators was clearly visible for a few seconds, before he artfully ducked out of the way. It remains impressive how well the camera and sound crews manage to stay out of sight. During the footrace, Jennifer whined to Azaria and Hendekea, “Come on, you guys, you got first three times.” After coming in second, she continued complaining to Phil. “I just feel like everyone should get their time, and they’ve their time two times before this,” she said. Then get there first, you stupid idiot. It’s a race, not a sharing party. In the cab on the way to the mat, Vyxsin broke down. Later, she explained, “Some of the things that we have seen are absolutely heartbreaking, and yes it’s a race, and yes we’re focused on a goal, but we’re also not blind. And it was difficult for me to experience seeing such wonderful people have so little.” “If we don’t get eliminated, we are going to screw over the blondes,” Jason said. “We might not be done yet. Have hope.” But they were so far behind that not even positive affirmations could help them catch up, and they went home, the U-turn’s first victims.
GEEK TALK
Rumors, more rumors ... and I wonder what Brendan Fraser is doing for Chanukah ...
According to Lying in the Gutters, plans are currently in the works to send the X-Men universe straight to DVD. Not talking about the highly-anticipated Wolverine or Magneto flicks -- those will remain on the big screen; however, they may take some other, lesser-known X-Men characters (like the one based on me -- Lazy Fat Man) and shovel out a series of lower-budgeted DVDs. Additionally, and this may or may not be related, director Joe Carnahan recently teased readers of his blog with an image of Juggernaut, followed by the line "I'll let you guys go nuts on this one." Could he be in line to helm or produce a Juggernaut DVD spin-off? Or is that his way of telling us Vinnie Jones (who played Juggernaut in the film) was cast in one of his two upcoming flicks, Killing Pablo or White Jazz? Guess we'll know more soon. It's been rumored for months now that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (did you see the newly released pics?) will involve some sort of alien encounter. Well, according to Movieweb, they claim to have inside knowledge on the aliens featured, and -- guess what -- we've seen them before. Yup, I won't spoil the entire what-to-do, but let's just say director Steven Spielberg might be looking to pay homage to an older film of his by including the same creatures in his latest adventure. While it's only a rumor, Spielberg is known for doing stuff like this in a number of his films, so I wouldn't put it past him. Question is: Will it turn out to be totally lame, or, even better, will anyone even get the reference? Head over to Movieweb for the complete spoiler-ish rundown.
MOVIE BUZZ
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
In a surprising casting rumor, Christian Bale may star in McG's sequel as John Connor. That sounds great, but with the way Edward Furlong and Nick Stahl's careers have gone since starring in T2 and T3 as the same character, I'd advise Christian to stay far, far away.
Chain Letter
The Saw guys are working on their next horror hit, a slasher flick about a serial killer who offs teens who don't pass along his chain e-mail. Next, they should make one about people who experience terrifying results after answering one of those penis enlargement spams.
The Incredible Hulk
A fan-made video shows star Edward Norton walking down the crowded streets and into a rundown store in Rio. And you know what happens when Ed can't find his usual iced caramel macchiato? Hulk smash!
In Bruges
Colin Farrell, Ralph Fiennes and Brendan Gleeson shoot a nonstop hail of bullets and swear words at each other in this NSFW trailer. I liked all the cursing. With all of their thick accents, those were the only words I could understand.
Watchmen
Director Zach Snyder has uploaded some great photos from the film's Vancouver backlot that looks exactly like grimy NYC streets circa 1985. The only question is if this specific photo reveals the superhero Rorschach or if that's an extra dressed as a highly realistic flasher.
Be Kind Rewind
Jack Black and Mos Def star in homemade trailers for their fake RoboCop, Ghostbusters, Rush Hour 2 and Boyz N the Hood flicks, complete with cheap special effects and lame-o dialogue. Ironically, all movies in the future are going to sound this cheesy if they don't clear up that Writers Guild strike.
Jungle Cruise
Since Pirates of the Caribbean turned out to be such a lucrative franchise, they're making a feature film based on this other classic Disneyland ride. As long as they don't make a movie about the Mad Tea Cups.
And now for two movie reviews...
MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM starring Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Jason Bateman, Zach Mills. Mr. Magorium (Hoffman, with dorky hair and a lisp that he somehow pulls off without making you want to choke him) is a 243-year-old toy-store owner. Add to this odd fact the way that his toy store is magic and the toys are alive, responding to the disposition of the employees. And when it's time for Magorium to pass away (he seems to know it's coming soon and is actually really OK with it), he wants to give the store to his favorite employee (Portman). I'll confess. I was dreading this film. Movies aimed at children have become so hip and knowing and harsh that it seems like there's almost no more room left in the world for a gentle, G-rated movie that isn't designed to sell tie-in merch, doesn't have smart-assy kid characters who know more than everyone else, isn't full of gross product placement for random other stuff (they do bounce on a Simmons mattress in another store here, but whatever). So I'm stunned to report that this one goes out of its way to be none of those awful things. The worst you can say about it is that it's goofy and whimsical, but its heart is squarely in the right place, it gets the balance right in just about every way, and it earns its sweetly moving finale without pouring on the goo. That's almost a miracle. The best toy was a sock monkey that just wants to be loved. But I don't want to give too much of that away. I just never thought I'd have my coal-black heart touched by a needy sock monkey until I saw this. Maybe I'm in a weakened state from having to watch too many other terrible films. Anyway, now I love sock monkeys.
Jason Bateman, as the accountant who can't feel joy, keeps everything from floating off into Candyland, offers a dry touch of real-world disbelief in a movie that needs someone to be that guy or there'd be no trusting it. From 1 to 10, I give it a 10!
BEOWULF starring Ray Winstone, Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, Alison Lohman, Crispin Glover and Nick Jameson (who used to be in Foghat).
I shouldn't even have to tell you the story. You were supposed to have not blown it off when it was assigned in high school. But here's how it goes down: Beowulf battles the big giant monster Grendel. Kills Grendel (that's not a spoiler). Then he sort of "compromises" himself with Grendel's mother, who's not nearly as monstrous-looking as her son. Anyway, because Beowulf was thinking with his junk, the curse on the kingdom continues. This is why women should run all countries. This movie is 98 percent awesome (I'll get to the 2 percent lame in a minute) because the 3-D and the animation are that mind-blowing. Stuff comes at your face, from behind you and from below you. It's enough to make you sort of queasy if you're not ready for it. Anyway, the fight scenes — and there are plenty of them — are as exciting as anything you've seen in a movie all year. Who cares if it's all motion-capture and digital effects? It's not like you can do a live-action movie where someone fights a real sea monster. You're lucky you live right now instead of a hundred years ago when they had polio and no 3-D. That other 2 percent? First, there's the matter of the dialogue, which sounds like people at a Renaissance fair drinking Pepsi and shouting, "Ay, wenches! This be fine mead!" But that's okay. It's not a documentary. The bigger problem is that they still haven't quite gotten human faces down yet in this motion-capture-animation stuff. Most of the time, Beowulf looks good, especially when he ages, but the secondary characters, and almost all the women save for Jolie (who sort of resembles a cartoon character in real life anyway) have blank expressionless doll faces, and it's sort of creepy. Beowulf enjoys his own nudity. He fights naked. He lounges naked. He likes to recline on stone steps in the nude while having casual chats with his warrior comrades. Make him mad, and the first thing he does is rip off his shirt and start fighting you like he's waiting for Playgirl 500 A.D. to come shoot him for their centerfold. Oh, and nice Austin Powers gag there, Robert Zemeckis, covering Beowulf's mysterious cartoon man-bits with other people's arms, swords, andirons and other penis-shaped objects. That was funny. Stay for the credits and count the digital animation people who are all probably really, really exhausted by now. For example, I counted nearly 40 names that worked on cloth and hair. That's it. Weeks and weeks of animating cloth and hair. Next time your boss makes you restock the plastic-cup lids for an hour, you think of that and count your blessings.
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Check out the Peverett Phile at Myspace as well as the new Foghat site on Myspace at myspace.com/foghatmusic. And coming
soon at Foghat.com...Loentz's Emporium. I am working late next Thursday so the next entry will be done either on Thursday night late or Friday morning. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Peace!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
No, I Will Not Stuff Your Turkey
Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog with over 3000 views. So, today is Thanksgiving, and I ate way too much today. A big meal at work and another big meal at home. I am a pig. Anyway, tomorrow I turn 39, but I feel like I am turning 89. As I am getting older, these are a few things I think about the older I get. A 30-year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam. I no longer consider staying under the speed limit a challenge. My supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. People no longer view me as a hypochondriac. Okay, my wife does, but besides her. In a hostage situation, I am likely to be released first. I know I'm a grown-up because I groan every time I get up. I turn out the light for economic reasons. I have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. My investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off, and that bundle I've spent on life insurance is starting to look smart, too. My best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws. We have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. My back goes out more than I do. I quit trying to hold my stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative. I am cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. My secrets are safe with my friends because they can't remember them either. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. I gave up all my bad habits and I still don't feel good. I learned where my prostate is. I answer questions with, "Because I said so!" I know what the word "equity" means. There, I am getting old. Speaking of getting old, when is this writer's strike gonna be over?
ASK PEVERETT
Q: If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do Humanitarians eat? Or Parliamentarians, for that matter (of course I would expect whatever they eat to be totally Funkadelic)?
A: I've found that humanitarians tend to eat mostly rice and fish. For some odd reason they think they are Vietnamese. Parliamentarians tend to eat up some George Clinton, however, they do like a side of Prince. Throw in some James Brown and Ohio Players and you gotta real meal.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
Last year I posted an entryon my birthday with facts all about me. Keeping the tradition alive, here's a new survey.
1) How do you like your grilled cheese?
Chedder on white bread
2) Where did you go on your last vacation?
Nashville, Tn.
3) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Married still, living in the same house and still working for Disney.
4) Where are you at noon everyday?
Normally at work.
5) How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
Three.
6) What did you do last night?
Ate pizza, and watched an episode of "Doctor Who" on DVD.
7) What was your favorite movie in junior high?
Return of the Jedi
8) What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Goodnight."
9) What do you think of the IPHONE?
Not enough memory. I got my wife one for our tenth anniversary.
10) Are you friends with your most recent ex
That was 13 years ago, so no.
11) What do you do for relaxation?
Watch tv, play on the internet.
12) Where did you get your couch from?
I can't remember. We have two. One came from Rooms To Go though.
13) Do you use a plan book?
Nope.
14) When was the last time you swam?
Last Easter at the Nick Hotel.
16) Do you keep your closets organized?
Yeah. My t-shirts are color coordinated.
17) How do you make headaches go away?
Excedrin and sleep. It usually takes three days for them to go away though.
18) Have you owned a beta before? What was its name?
Yes and his name was Hooch.
19.) If you moved out of state where would you go?
Nashville.
20) Did you attend pre school?
Yes.
21) What do your shower curtains look like?
Glass.
22) Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? If so what was their name?
George.
23) How do you make eggs?
I don't. My wife does.
24) Where do you wash your clothes?
I don't. My wife does.
25) Which parent do you look most like?
My dad.
26) Who are the neighbors who live to the right of you?
Haven't the foggiest. We live in a very anti-social neighborhood.
27) What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Good actor but nuts as hell.
28) What is the next vehicle you wish to buy?
Some kind of hybrid.
29) Do you pay bills online or by mail?
I don't, my wife does.
30) What would be the best gift someone could get you right now?
DVD's.
31) What is something stressful you will deal with next week?
Learning my new role at Disney. I'll beacoordinator.
32) What is something in your home that you collect?
Doctor Who toys.
33) Favorite Band?
I have to say Foghat of course. Before 2000 though. Squeeze otherwise.
34) Where did you get gas last?
The local Kangaroo gas station.
35) How do you take your coffee?
With milk, no sugar.
36) What is the oldest thing in your fridge?
Man, I have no idea.
38) On your keyboard what key is wearing out from pressing it so much?
It's a new keyboard, so there's no key wearing out.
39) Where do you put your keys when you come home?
Bed side table.
R.I.P.
Dick "Mr. Whipple" Wilson: I will dedicate the next brown streak left on the delicate Charmin in his honour. That is, unless, I have been eating peanuts or corn.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1963
President John F. Kennedy assassinated.
1968
Linda Peverett goes into labor.
1980
Mae West is dead.
1993
Anthony Burgess, author of the ultraviolent "A Clockwork Orange", dead. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and doctors gave him one year to live back in 1959.
1996
The actor who played Spock's father Sarek, Mark Lenard, dead of multiple myeloma at age 68 in Manhattan. He is survived by Leonard Nimoy.
1997
Coolio arrested in Germany, for attempting to shoplift $2000 in clothes. A clerk at the store also claims Coolio punched her in the stomach during the altercation.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: 'Cause it's too far to walk.
A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic. He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control." The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?" To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."
Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A: A different bar.
HEROES
Just when you thought Mohinder couldn't get any stupider, he goesand shoots Noah Bennet in the eye. He is really in too deep with this company. And lately, he is making Matt Parkman look like a genius. (Wait, did Parkman just make me say that? Dumb joke, I know.) Let me just say that I was so relieved that those ridiculous mascara-plague twins were absent from this week's "Heroes". However, they are the vehicle to get the devilish Sylar back in the states so I suppose I forgive them on some level. Everyone saw it coming but I like that it's confirmed that Claire's blood can heal people. I can't wait for more showdown scenes with her and Elle next week. I know this is completely nerdy but did anyone catch the title of the episode's reference to The Canterbury Tales? I haven't given it much thought other than that they sound awfully similar. Nothing in the episode struck me as particularly Chaucerian though. Where was Peter? I need a little Petrelli each episode (and Mama Petrelli just won't do). Even the elder Petrelli would have done just fine. All we got was a reference to him by Claire's mother. She said that girls always look for their father in their boyfriends. Noah alluded to the coincidence of Nathan and West both being able to fly. I liked Hiro's eulogy at the end and how his speech correlated to shots of different characters (i.e. Mohinder looking at the gun and probably thinking about what his father would think of what happened; Elle looking at Bob with the new information about what he did to her as a young girl).
GEEK TALK
Wolverine and Justice League: Depending on who you talk to, both films are doing just fine. Word has it the Justice League cast will be announced this week (most likely tomorrow), and the solo Wolverine flick is all ready to go -- eying a May 1, 2009 release date. Not so fast, says Cinema Blend, who have received a tip from a reliable source that claims both Wolverine and Justice League are running into problems. Could these two films become the next to be delayed by the strike? Regarding Wolverine, here's what their scooper had to say: "Apparently the movie Australia has taken up all the stages at Fox in Sydney, where Wolverine is meant to film, and they just can't accommodate Wolverine at the moment. They're going to have to push back Wolverine." Australia is still filming? Damn, how long has it been now-- at least four, five months? A recent article in The Press claimed pre-production on Wolverine was already underway on the Fox lot in Sydney, and that the film was also going to shoot on location in parts of New Zealand. With Wolverine about to start, I'm sure we'll hear official word soon enough. And Justice League? According to Moviehole's source, "the film is definitely on track" and "the cast is a lock as of today." Ah, but then you have Cinema Blend's source, who says ... "they don't have a finished script and can't work on it until the strike is over, and there's no studio space at Fox Sydney... so maybe one of these productions will have to move to Docklands studios Melbourne (but The Pacific is taking up all the stages there) or Warner Bros Studios on the Gold Coast. So perhaps there's some chance for JLA to get done, of course that probably depends on how much longer the writer's strike goes on. They'll need enough time to finish the script and shoot it before SAG goes on strike. They're rapidly running out of time." It's a game of "Who Has the Better Source" right now, so I guess all we can do is wait it out and see what happens.
MOVIE BUZZ
Tropic Thunder
Not many pictures remain online of Tom Cruise looking fat and bald after the studio started forcing sites to take it down. Here's one, though. The reason for the removal? Because it's not really Tom in makeup for a cameo in the Ben Stiller comedy. It's really him after a week-long boozing and eating binge when Lions for Lambs bombed.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
Shorthand McG directing T4. 2 bad.
Cloverfield
While there's only one brief, mostly obscured shot of the giant monster in the new hi-def trailer, there's lots more footage of the film's wildly shaky, handheld camerawork. I'm definitely going to buy a large tub of popcorn and enjoy this one in the theater. Also, the empty bucket can double as a barf bag.
Final Destination 4
The next film in the series about teenagers avoiding the grim reaper will be in 3-D so that audiences will really feel like they're part of the action. I don't know if "Watching This Movie Will Make You Feel Like You're Going to Die" is a great promotional slogan.
Teeth
In the disturbing trailer, a teenage girl discovers that she has a set of chompers "down there." I predict a new tradition: parents showing their kids this film every year just before prom night.
The X-Files 2
Actor Lance Henriksen has hinted that Mulder and Scully might meet up with his character from Chris Carter's other TV series, "Millennium". I hope they're not gonna crossover with all his shows. I mean, the guy also worked with Fran Drescher on "The Nanny".
21
The trailer of the film based on the nonfiction book "Bringing Down the House" turns the bestseller's subjects of primarily Asian-American MIT students into Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey. I haven't seen a case of whitewashing this bad since the last time Michael Jackson appeared in public.
The Surrogates
Bruce Willis has signed to star in this sci-fi thriller adapted from a graphic novel about people who live vicariously through robots. In real life, Bruce is hoping to transfer his brain into a robot that looks like his daughter Rumer, to fulfill his lifelong dream of being Miss Golden Globes.
G.I. Joe
Strangely, the first person cast is Sienna Miller, who will appear as the villain Baroness. Some people may doubt the waif-like actress can be an action movie star, but she certainly opened a big can of whup-ass on Jude Law after she caught him with the nanny.
The Well
Steve Guttenberg is still trying to make his big comeback and will star as the father of a boy who falls down a well. Just like Steve's career did in 1988.
There you have it, another entry of the Phile. If you are wondering where is the "Amazing Race" recap and a comment on "Kid Nation", I have not watched them yet. They're DVR'ed so I should see them this week. Well, I am now going to go to bed, get up early and go shopping. Yeah! Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
ASK PEVERETT
Q: If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do Humanitarians eat? Or Parliamentarians, for that matter (of course I would expect whatever they eat to be totally Funkadelic)?
A: I've found that humanitarians tend to eat mostly rice and fish. For some odd reason they think they are Vietnamese. Parliamentarians tend to eat up some George Clinton, however, they do like a side of Prince. Throw in some James Brown and Ohio Players and you gotta real meal.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
Last year I posted an entryon my birthday with facts all about me. Keeping the tradition alive, here's a new survey.
1) How do you like your grilled cheese?
Chedder on white bread
2) Where did you go on your last vacation?
Nashville, Tn.
3) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Married still, living in the same house and still working for Disney.
4) Where are you at noon everyday?
Normally at work.
5) How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
Three.
6) What did you do last night?
Ate pizza, and watched an episode of "Doctor Who" on DVD.
7) What was your favorite movie in junior high?
Return of the Jedi
8) What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Goodnight."
9) What do you think of the IPHONE?
Not enough memory. I got my wife one for our tenth anniversary.
10) Are you friends with your most recent ex
That was 13 years ago, so no.
11) What do you do for relaxation?
Watch tv, play on the internet.
12) Where did you get your couch from?
I can't remember. We have two. One came from Rooms To Go though.
13) Do you use a plan book?
Nope.
14) When was the last time you swam?
Last Easter at the Nick Hotel.
16) Do you keep your closets organized?
Yeah. My t-shirts are color coordinated.
17) How do you make headaches go away?
Excedrin and sleep. It usually takes three days for them to go away though.
18) Have you owned a beta before? What was its name?
Yes and his name was Hooch.
19.) If you moved out of state where would you go?
Nashville.
20) Did you attend pre school?
Yes.
21) What do your shower curtains look like?
Glass.
22) Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? If so what was their name?
George.
23) How do you make eggs?
I don't. My wife does.
24) Where do you wash your clothes?
I don't. My wife does.
25) Which parent do you look most like?
My dad.
26) Who are the neighbors who live to the right of you?
Haven't the foggiest. We live in a very anti-social neighborhood.
27) What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Good actor but nuts as hell.
28) What is the next vehicle you wish to buy?
Some kind of hybrid.
29) Do you pay bills online or by mail?
I don't, my wife does.
30) What would be the best gift someone could get you right now?
DVD's.
31) What is something stressful you will deal with next week?
Learning my new role at Disney. I'll beacoordinator.
32) What is something in your home that you collect?
Doctor Who toys.
33) Favorite Band?
I have to say Foghat of course. Before 2000 though. Squeeze otherwise.
34) Where did you get gas last?
The local Kangaroo gas station.
35) How do you take your coffee?
With milk, no sugar.
36) What is the oldest thing in your fridge?
Man, I have no idea.
38) On your keyboard what key is wearing out from pressing it so much?
It's a new keyboard, so there's no key wearing out.
39) Where do you put your keys when you come home?
Bed side table.
R.I.P.
Dick "Mr. Whipple" Wilson: I will dedicate the next brown streak left on the delicate Charmin in his honour. That is, unless, I have been eating peanuts or corn.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1963
President John F. Kennedy assassinated.
1968
Linda Peverett goes into labor.
1980
Mae West is dead.
1993
Anthony Burgess, author of the ultraviolent "A Clockwork Orange", dead. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and doctors gave him one year to live back in 1959.
1996
The actor who played Spock's father Sarek, Mark Lenard, dead of multiple myeloma at age 68 in Manhattan. He is survived by Leonard Nimoy.
1997
Coolio arrested in Germany, for attempting to shoplift $2000 in clothes. A clerk at the store also claims Coolio punched her in the stomach during the altercation.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: 'Cause it's too far to walk.
A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic. He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control." The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?" To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."
Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A: A different bar.
HEROES
Just when you thought Mohinder couldn't get any stupider, he goesand shoots Noah Bennet in the eye. He is really in too deep with this company. And lately, he is making Matt Parkman look like a genius. (Wait, did Parkman just make me say that? Dumb joke, I know.) Let me just say that I was so relieved that those ridiculous mascara-plague twins were absent from this week's "Heroes". However, they are the vehicle to get the devilish Sylar back in the states so I suppose I forgive them on some level. Everyone saw it coming but I like that it's confirmed that Claire's blood can heal people. I can't wait for more showdown scenes with her and Elle next week. I know this is completely nerdy but did anyone catch the title of the episode's reference to The Canterbury Tales? I haven't given it much thought other than that they sound awfully similar. Nothing in the episode struck me as particularly Chaucerian though. Where was Peter? I need a little Petrelli each episode (and Mama Petrelli just won't do). Even the elder Petrelli would have done just fine. All we got was a reference to him by Claire's mother. She said that girls always look for their father in their boyfriends. Noah alluded to the coincidence of Nathan and West both being able to fly. I liked Hiro's eulogy at the end and how his speech correlated to shots of different characters (i.e. Mohinder looking at the gun and probably thinking about what his father would think of what happened; Elle looking at Bob with the new information about what he did to her as a young girl).
GEEK TALK
Wolverine and Justice League: Depending on who you talk to, both films are doing just fine. Word has it the Justice League cast will be announced this week (most likely tomorrow), and the solo Wolverine flick is all ready to go -- eying a May 1, 2009 release date. Not so fast, says Cinema Blend, who have received a tip from a reliable source that claims both Wolverine and Justice League are running into problems. Could these two films become the next to be delayed by the strike? Regarding Wolverine, here's what their scooper had to say: "Apparently the movie Australia has taken up all the stages at Fox in Sydney, where Wolverine is meant to film, and they just can't accommodate Wolverine at the moment. They're going to have to push back Wolverine." Australia is still filming? Damn, how long has it been now-- at least four, five months? A recent article in The Press claimed pre-production on Wolverine was already underway on the Fox lot in Sydney, and that the film was also going to shoot on location in parts of New Zealand. With Wolverine about to start, I'm sure we'll hear official word soon enough. And Justice League? According to Moviehole's source, "the film is definitely on track" and "the cast is a lock as of today." Ah, but then you have Cinema Blend's source, who says ... "they don't have a finished script and can't work on it until the strike is over, and there's no studio space at Fox Sydney... so maybe one of these productions will have to move to Docklands studios Melbourne (but The Pacific is taking up all the stages there) or Warner Bros Studios on the Gold Coast. So perhaps there's some chance for JLA to get done, of course that probably depends on how much longer the writer's strike goes on. They'll need enough time to finish the script and shoot it before SAG goes on strike. They're rapidly running out of time." It's a game of "Who Has the Better Source" right now, so I guess all we can do is wait it out and see what happens.
MOVIE BUZZ
Tropic Thunder
Not many pictures remain online of Tom Cruise looking fat and bald after the studio started forcing sites to take it down. Here's one, though. The reason for the removal? Because it's not really Tom in makeup for a cameo in the Ben Stiller comedy. It's really him after a week-long boozing and eating binge when Lions for Lambs bombed.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
Shorthand McG directing T4. 2 bad.
Cloverfield
While there's only one brief, mostly obscured shot of the giant monster in the new hi-def trailer, there's lots more footage of the film's wildly shaky, handheld camerawork. I'm definitely going to buy a large tub of popcorn and enjoy this one in the theater. Also, the empty bucket can double as a barf bag.
Final Destination 4
The next film in the series about teenagers avoiding the grim reaper will be in 3-D so that audiences will really feel like they're part of the action. I don't know if "Watching This Movie Will Make You Feel Like You're Going to Die" is a great promotional slogan.
Teeth
In the disturbing trailer, a teenage girl discovers that she has a set of chompers "down there." I predict a new tradition: parents showing their kids this film every year just before prom night.
The X-Files 2
Actor Lance Henriksen has hinted that Mulder and Scully might meet up with his character from Chris Carter's other TV series, "Millennium". I hope they're not gonna crossover with all his shows. I mean, the guy also worked with Fran Drescher on "The Nanny".
21
The trailer of the film based on the nonfiction book "Bringing Down the House" turns the bestseller's subjects of primarily Asian-American MIT students into Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey. I haven't seen a case of whitewashing this bad since the last time Michael Jackson appeared in public.
The Surrogates
Bruce Willis has signed to star in this sci-fi thriller adapted from a graphic novel about people who live vicariously through robots. In real life, Bruce is hoping to transfer his brain into a robot that looks like his daughter Rumer, to fulfill his lifelong dream of being Miss Golden Globes.
G.I. Joe
Strangely, the first person cast is Sienna Miller, who will appear as the villain Baroness. Some people may doubt the waif-like actress can be an action movie star, but she certainly opened a big can of whup-ass on Jude Law after she caught him with the nanny.
The Well
Steve Guttenberg is still trying to make his big comeback and will star as the father of a boy who falls down a well. Just like Steve's career did in 1988.
There you have it, another entry of the Phile. If you are wondering where is the "Amazing Race" recap and a comment on "Kid Nation", I have not watched them yet. They're DVR'ed so I should see them this week. Well, I am now going to go to bed, get up early and go shopping. Yeah! Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Everyone Needs A Little Head Now & Then
Welcome to the Phile, the web's most updated blog on the internet. Guess what, kids? You did it. We have reached 3000 views. My goal was to hit 3000 by Christmas and we hit it a week before Thanksgiving. Bloody cool if you ask me. So, all the late night talk shows are on repeats because of the writer's strike, so that means I can't rip off anybody's monologue. Crap. Okay, I'll come up with ALL the jokes for once. So, the other day this guy drove by a gas station and pooped all in his pants. He took his clothes off and threw them to the side of the road. A bum sitting there woke up, and swatted away at the flying clothes. He looked at it and said, "Man, I just beat the shit out of someone." So, Matt Damon was voted People Magazine's most sexiest man. I didn't even get an honorable mention. In Disneyland On Friday, workers at the Anaheim theme park spotted a guest on the ride sprinkling an unidentified substance into the water, prompting them to close the attraction and alert police. That's not to be confused with the unidentified substance I left in the Epcot Cast Cafeteria bathroom. A Dutch teenager has been arrested for allegedly stealing virtual furniture from rooms in Habbo Hotel, a 3D social networking website. How can you steal something from a virtual hotel? In related news, an American child
was arrested from stealing virtual furniture from Webkins. The U.S. Sentencing Commission is considering retroactive changes that could mean shortened sentences for nearly 20,000 federal prisoners convicted of crack cocaine related offenses. Yeah, release the crackheads! Hey, why is it called shipment when you take something in a car, and cargo when you take something on a boat? Researchers unveiled a skeleton of the elephant-sized Nigersaurus taqueti this week. Nigersaurus had a wide mouth shaped like the intake slot of a vacuum cleaner and a light-weight skull that let it graze for long periods. They were going to call it Shaniquasaurus. It was found right next to another dinosaur with a grin on his face and its penis next to the Nigersaurus' mouth. When he heard of the name of the dinosuar Al Sharpton demanded scientists change the name. Hey, why is it everytime you hear of a man named Tiny he is 300 pounds? Two of country music's biggest stars are joining forces for a U.S. tour early next year.
Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood will hit the road together beginning Jan. 31 in a city to be announced. The outing will play 24 dates to be announced; tickets go on sale Dec. 1. Speaking of Urban, he and Toby Keith should record an album together. They could call it "Keith Urban". Okay, there you have it, the first 100% Peverett Phile
original monologue that I spent all week writing. Ten Worst Toys List for 2007 has been issued. List seems pretty lame. They could just pick ten toys at random with a "Made in China" label.
DISNEY'S AMERICA
Three disabled people have sued Walt Disney World for not allowing them to use their Segways to move around its theme parks. The plaintiffs are each able to stand but cannot walk far, and they have been denied permission to use their two-wheel vehicles at Disney World, according to the federal court lawsuit. The suit filed Friday says they're among an estimated 4,000 to 7,000 similarly disabled people who have turned to Segways as mobility tools. A group called Disability Rights Advocates for Technology, which raises money to donate Segways to disabled U.S. military veterans and pushes for their acceptance, previously asked theme parks to lift bans on the devices. Group co-founder Jerry Karr said Segways offer more mobility and dignity than wheelchairs. Disney says it fears Segways could endanger other guests because they can go faster than 12 mph. "We've made our position very clear on these Segways in our parks," Disney spokeswoman Jacquee Polak told the Orlando Sentinel on Friday. "Our primary concern is the safety of all our guests and our cast members. We have a long history of being a leader in creating accessible experiences for our guests with disabilities." Plaintiff Mahala Ault, 33, has multiple sclerosis; Dan Wallace, lost one foot in an accident and Stacie Rhea has Lou Gehrig's disease. The suit did not give their hometowns, saying only that Ault and Wallace are from Illinois and Rhea is from Iowa.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1864
The sack and burning of Atlanta by General William Tecumseh Sherman, making Georgia howl. That act and the subsequent March to the Sea makes Sherman the most hated and despised man in Georgia history.
1940
Nazis quarantine the Warsaw Ghetto, population 400,000 Juden.
1941
SS chief Himmler orders the arrest and concentration of all homosexuals in Germany. Excluded were certain top Nazi officials who happened to be fags, including Himmler.
1978
A chartered Icelandic Airlines DC-8 with 249 pilgrims returning from Mecca, crashes on approach to Sri Lanka's international airport in Colombo, killing 183 believers.
1979
A package from the Unabomber in the mail carried aboard American flight 444 explodes on the way to Washington. Several people suffer smoke inhalation.
1985
A research assistant is injured when he opens a present from the Unabomber addressed to a University of Michigan professor.
1990
Producers acknowledge that Milli Vanilli (the 1990 "Best Artist" Grammy Award winners) did not sing on their album. One of the duo, Robert Pilatus, later attempts suicide in 1991 but he couldn't even get that performance right. He does succeed 7 years later, though.
ASK PEVERETT
Dear Peverett, I haven't gotten laid in a year and a half and I've started listening to Depeche Mode. Does this mean I'm turning gay?
Why the hell haven't you gone to Russia to meet whats-her-name? An expensive lay, yes, but sure to occur. Women will do anything for a green card.... ( men too...)
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: How do you know you’re getting old? A: Your wife gives up sex for lent and you don’t find out until Easter.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: You fuck her.
Q: What do you call a hillbilly who owns both sheep and goats? A: Bisexual.
SHARPENING AXES
The average bank cashier loses $310 a year.
It takes 2,354 tissues to stop a bullet.
The font Woody Allen uses in the majority of his films' credit sequences is Windsor-EF Elongated.
In Arab countries, the Red Cross is called Red Crescent.
Princess Aurora was Sleeping Beauty's real name.
Earth travels through space at 66,700 miles per hour.
Punk rocker Iggy Pop's real name is James Newell Osterberg, Jr. He started using Iggy after his first band in high school, the Iguanas.
Smallpox is the onlyhuman infectious disease to have been completely eradicated from nature.
In Hinduism, there are 330 million gods.
Scientists say the higher your I.Q. is the more you dream.
You use 200 muscles to take one step.
During the production of a movie, the last shot of the day is known as the "martini shot."
Fewer than 1% of searchers use the "I'm Feeling Lucky" on Google's homepage.
"Gung ho" is Chinese for "work together."
Marcel Marceau's real name was Marcel Mangel.
The average adult stool weighs about four ounces.
Most men can't remember the names of all their sex partners.
Catoptrophobia is a fear of mirrors.
In Starship Troopers, more bullets were fired than in any other movie ever made.
Tina Turner's real name is Annie Mae Bullock.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I missed the first episode of "The Amazing Race 12" but I did see the second episode. So, starting this entry of the Phile, I will do my recap of the show. Something odd happened on Sunday's episode of "The Amazing Race 12"—besides the fact that it actually started on time. Usually, the show’s editors ratchet up the tension in the final few moments, but this time, they were absent. So, too, was God, who did not intervene to help out some of his people. Shana and Jennifer are determined to prove that blondes cannot transcend stereotypes. “Clearly I haven’t had a facial or a manicure, but it’s even tougher than you can even imagine,” Shana (I think) said, covering shallowness and vanity. Jennifer made sure we didn’t confuse her with someone who was either smart or who’d ever driven a car before. Driving, she said, “Well, my brights aren’t staying on, so I have to hold them with one hand for the entire way — unless I’m just an idiot?” Shana agreed with the last part: “She asks that question a lot.” Usually religious people argue that God has nothing better to do than influence the results of a reality show, so it was refreshing to hear minister Kate say, “We are religious people, but we have no illusions that God cares whether or not we win the "Amazing Race".” Her partner Pat asked with mock incredulity, “No?”
Waiting for airline tickets, Jason asked, “Why is it taking so long?” Perhaps because the airline was printing tickets on a dot matrix printer. Apparently, they were at the Museum of 1992 Technology Airport. Ronald wore a t-shirt that asked “Who’s Your Daddy?”, and he made sure everyone knew that the answer was Ronald. At the airport, he parented Nicolas, who was berating an airline employee (“Please move a little faster.”) Ronald told him, “You got a mouth that basically starts with bad energy. … That’s your whole problem.” But even when he’s being an ass, and he’s frequently an ass, Ronald is hysterical. “I have maybe some problems with interpretation, but the words that come through my ear is very clear, because I cleared all the wax yesterday,” he said. At the Detour, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building, Vyxsin said, “I felt pretty comfortable doing the knots. I used to…” Immediately I thought she would end that with, “be into S&M.” But no, my stereotyping was wrong, as she ended the sentence with an even more shocking statement: “I used to macrame.” “This sucks,” Rachel said about the Detour task, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building. Whoever’s furniture was getting banged and scraped to shit probably thought the same thing. Ronald has a way of talking in an extremely, excruciatingly annoyingly patient tone — just like the pet shop employee in “Best in Show” who has to deal with Meg Swan’s search for a Busy Bee. replacement. When he and his daughter decided to switch Detour tasks, he said, “Where do we head now? See, that’s the other thing. Is it in that direction, or here, or?” Some reanimated child-size dolls from It’s a Small World were standing on the mat next to Phi, and Jason told them, “aren’t you guys cute.” Ronald, who later said he has “become the Archie Bunker of the home,” also makes up his own colloquialisms. He told his increasingly frustrated daughter, “I’m trying to give you the real truth that other people won’t tell you you have boogers in your [bow/boat/bowl].”
Because the panty hose on his arms and makeup didn’t give it away, Kynt explained to us, “I’m not one of those get down and dirty kind of boys. I’m kind of prissy.”
Nicolas learned an important lesson at the Roadblock. Whenever an old person says, “Oh, I can do that,” ignore them—especially because it may sometimes lead that old person to say, “I had to strip down a little bit” and take off all his clothes except for some frighteningly large black bikini briefs. On the mat, Phil joked to Donald, “There’ve been complaints from the locals you got down to your underpants.” But Donald said, “I went further than that.” Continuing to be an ass, Ronald told his daughter Christina, “You need to lose some weight.” At that very moment, their bike tipped over, and Ronald received his punishment, a “crotch-buster,” as he called it.
God failed to interfere in Pat and Kate’s race, and so did the editors. For once, there was no fake tension at the end of the race; for a long period of time, it was a forgone conclusion that Kate and Pat would be in last place and be eliminated. There’s something both refreshing and disorienting about a tension-less conclusion to an episode of "The Amazing Race".
Okay, as far as "Kid Nation" goes, have children grown more apologetic since my days as a child? The kids of "Kid Nation" are often as cruel to each other as I recall but then they go and apologize. What's up with that? Well, they don't always apologize. Feelings get hurt; tears get shed. Maybe it's cruel, but the kids will eventually find out being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be at all times, either. I think I've seen adults apologize a lot less often than the kids on the show. Perhaps they have some sort of super-strain of kids there -- intelligent and mature beyond their years. Some of them, anyway. And some of the solid ones are starting to crack a bit.
HEROES
Peter Petrelli: "I remember...I remember everything." Adam Monroe: "Good, then...Shall we save the world?" So, if you're a hero, a lot can happen in four months. And, apparently, a lot is going to happen in the next three episodes as our favorite heroes have to save the world (and probably the cheerleader) again. From those scenes from next week's "Heroes", it looks like there may be a stand-off coming between the two father-daughter pairs on the show (Noah/Claire & Bob/Elle). I can't wait to see that. Some may disagree with me, but I thought this was a great episode. I know nothing really moved forward in the "present-day plot" so to speak, but we got a lot of much-needed answers about some of the key players on the show. And, most importantly, Peter Petrelli got his memory back. Brainless Peter was just annoying.
GEEK TALK
Could it ... be? Maybe? Potentially? Possibly? Is Warner Bros finally about to announce their official cast for the live action Justice League of America film? Should we celebrate? Throw a party? Go out for drinks? Raise a pair of underwear up a flagpole (quick, which movie)? I wouldn't go getting your hopes up just yet (I'm talking to you Mr. "I wear the same JLA shirt 30 days in a row) -- but if IESB is correct, we could be hearing who was cast in this thing at some point this week. Yes, they apparently talked to some Warner Bros. sources who claim the cast is locked -- everyone is in double secret probation mode -- and an announcement should be coming within the next couple days. A recent Variety article claimed some huge studio tent poles could suffer delays because of the current writers strike, and that Justice League of America was one of those films. Not so, says this WB source, and so it'll be interesting to see what happens throughout the week. Who should we expect in the roles of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and Phile Man? It's anyone's guess at this point; director George Miller and his team have auditioned almost all of "Young Hollywood" and from what we hear, Miller's done a bunch of talent scouting over in Australia as well. Chances are we'll see a mix of American and Australian talent -- faces that are kinda sorta familiar, but no one really big. Then again, they could surprise us with a high-profile actor or actress, but after the whole Jessica Biel debacle, I highly doubt it. Who do you want to see in the film?
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
The first spy photos of Zachary Quinto as Spock proves the actor looks good with pointy ears. But … I thought this was a big budget film. What's up with the cheap Salvation Army sweater? The future doesn't have Armani or anything?
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
A Russian movie site has uploaded a bunch of new promo stills, including one of Brendan Fraser flying through the air with a knife. But this isn't a scene from the film. To keep himself in shape, this is actually how Brendan caught his lunch everyday.
Transformers 2
Michael Bay is so tired of fans leaking info that he's gonna plant fake info all over the web to throw people off. It's not such a great plan, though. His first false rumor claims that the sequel doesn't even have any giant robots in it.
Suicide Girls: The Movie
The punk-rock strippers may be producing and starring in their first horror movie. I don't know why they need to make a fictional film. A documentary showing the girls getting pierced and/or tattooed would be plenty gross enough.
Major Movie Star
Jessica Simpson stars as a spoiled, bankrupt actress who joins the Army and goes into basic training in the awful trailer. Although the "basic" training she really needs is some good acting lessons.
Revolver
The trailer for Guy Ritchie's latest caper uses a heavy-handed chess metaphor for the games played between Ray Liotta and Jason Statham. At least that's a step up from whatever the Madonna metaphor was in Swept Away.
Stones
Director Ridley Scott's at work on a supernatural thriller about the destruction of ancient artifacts, including the formation at Stonehenge. Though, when I first heard Scott was going to film old fossils all over the world, I assumed he was working on a tour documentary about the Rolling Stones.
The Long Walk
The Mist director Frank Darabont says for his next Stephen King adaptation he'd like to make a film out of the novel about teenage boys forced on a marathon walking competition. How far do the boys have to walk? Until they're finished reading every book King has written.
City of Men
The trailer for the sequel to City of God shows two teenage boys stuck in the middle of a violent gang war on the streets of Rio. Could be worse. They could be stuck between the striking screenwriters and the studios.
Best.Worst.Movie.
It's a documentary about the cult that's grown up around the infamously bad movie Troll 2, which starred a small-town dentist in his first acting role. Every one of his patients says that getting a root canal from him is less painful than watching him perform.
Run Biopic
Music mogul Russell Simmons wants to produce a biopic about the half of rap group Run-DMC who happens to be his brother, Joseph "Run" Simmons. Am I the only person who finds it ironic that the biggest hit from a guy named Run is a song called "Walk This Way"?
Well, that's it, phans, another entry of the Phile. The next entry is planned for next Thursday which happens to be Thanksgiving. So, unless I happen to fall asleep from eating to much turkey, I will see you then. Thanks for helping me reach my goal. Spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
was arrested from stealing virtual furniture from Webkins. The U.S. Sentencing Commission is considering retroactive changes that could mean shortened sentences for nearly 20,000 federal prisoners convicted of crack cocaine related offenses. Yeah, release the crackheads! Hey, why is it called shipment when you take something in a car, and cargo when you take something on a boat? Researchers unveiled a skeleton of the elephant-sized Nigersaurus taqueti this week. Nigersaurus had a wide mouth shaped like the intake slot of a vacuum cleaner and a light-weight skull that let it graze for long periods. They were going to call it Shaniquasaurus. It was found right next to another dinosaur with a grin on his face and its penis next to the Nigersaurus' mouth. When he heard of the name of the dinosuar Al Sharpton demanded scientists change the name. Hey, why is it everytime you hear of a man named Tiny he is 300 pounds? Two of country music's biggest stars are joining forces for a U.S. tour early next year.
Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood will hit the road together beginning Jan. 31 in a city to be announced. The outing will play 24 dates to be announced; tickets go on sale Dec. 1. Speaking of Urban, he and Toby Keith should record an album together. They could call it "Keith Urban". Okay, there you have it, the first 100% Peverett Phile
original monologue that I spent all week writing. Ten Worst Toys List for 2007 has been issued. List seems pretty lame. They could just pick ten toys at random with a "Made in China" label.
DISNEY'S AMERICA
Three disabled people have sued Walt Disney World for not allowing them to use their Segways to move around its theme parks. The plaintiffs are each able to stand but cannot walk far, and they have been denied permission to use their two-wheel vehicles at Disney World, according to the federal court lawsuit. The suit filed Friday says they're among an estimated 4,000 to 7,000 similarly disabled people who have turned to Segways as mobility tools. A group called Disability Rights Advocates for Technology, which raises money to donate Segways to disabled U.S. military veterans and pushes for their acceptance, previously asked theme parks to lift bans on the devices. Group co-founder Jerry Karr said Segways offer more mobility and dignity than wheelchairs. Disney says it fears Segways could endanger other guests because they can go faster than 12 mph. "We've made our position very clear on these Segways in our parks," Disney spokeswoman Jacquee Polak told the Orlando Sentinel on Friday. "Our primary concern is the safety of all our guests and our cast members. We have a long history of being a leader in creating accessible experiences for our guests with disabilities." Plaintiff Mahala Ault, 33, has multiple sclerosis; Dan Wallace, lost one foot in an accident and Stacie Rhea has Lou Gehrig's disease. The suit did not give their hometowns, saying only that Ault and Wallace are from Illinois and Rhea is from Iowa.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1864
The sack and burning of Atlanta by General William Tecumseh Sherman, making Georgia howl. That act and the subsequent March to the Sea makes Sherman the most hated and despised man in Georgia history.
1940
Nazis quarantine the Warsaw Ghetto, population 400,000 Juden.
1941
SS chief Himmler orders the arrest and concentration of all homosexuals in Germany. Excluded were certain top Nazi officials who happened to be fags, including Himmler.
1978
A chartered Icelandic Airlines DC-8 with 249 pilgrims returning from Mecca, crashes on approach to Sri Lanka's international airport in Colombo, killing 183 believers.
1979
A package from the Unabomber in the mail carried aboard American flight 444 explodes on the way to Washington. Several people suffer smoke inhalation.
1985
A research assistant is injured when he opens a present from the Unabomber addressed to a University of Michigan professor.
1990
Producers acknowledge that Milli Vanilli (the 1990 "Best Artist" Grammy Award winners) did not sing on their album. One of the duo, Robert Pilatus, later attempts suicide in 1991 but he couldn't even get that performance right. He does succeed 7 years later, though.
ASK PEVERETT
Dear Peverett, I haven't gotten laid in a year and a half and I've started listening to Depeche Mode. Does this mean I'm turning gay?
Why the hell haven't you gone to Russia to meet whats-her-name? An expensive lay, yes, but sure to occur. Women will do anything for a green card.... ( men too...)
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: How do you know you’re getting old? A: Your wife gives up sex for lent and you don’t find out until Easter.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: You fuck her.
Q: What do you call a hillbilly who owns both sheep and goats? A: Bisexual.
SHARPENING AXES
The average bank cashier loses $310 a year.
It takes 2,354 tissues to stop a bullet.
The font Woody Allen uses in the majority of his films' credit sequences is Windsor-EF Elongated.
In Arab countries, the Red Cross is called Red Crescent.
Princess Aurora was Sleeping Beauty's real name.
Earth travels through space at 66,700 miles per hour.
Punk rocker Iggy Pop's real name is James Newell Osterberg, Jr. He started using Iggy after his first band in high school, the Iguanas.
Smallpox is the onlyhuman infectious disease to have been completely eradicated from nature.
In Hinduism, there are 330 million gods.
Scientists say the higher your I.Q. is the more you dream.
You use 200 muscles to take one step.
During the production of a movie, the last shot of the day is known as the "martini shot."
Fewer than 1% of searchers use the "I'm Feeling Lucky" on Google's homepage.
"Gung ho" is Chinese for "work together."
Marcel Marceau's real name was Marcel Mangel.
The average adult stool weighs about four ounces.
Most men can't remember the names of all their sex partners.
Catoptrophobia is a fear of mirrors.
In Starship Troopers, more bullets were fired than in any other movie ever made.
Tina Turner's real name is Annie Mae Bullock.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I missed the first episode of "The Amazing Race 12" but I did see the second episode. So, starting this entry of the Phile, I will do my recap of the show. Something odd happened on Sunday's episode of "The Amazing Race 12"—besides the fact that it actually started on time. Usually, the show’s editors ratchet up the tension in the final few moments, but this time, they were absent. So, too, was God, who did not intervene to help out some of his people. Shana and Jennifer are determined to prove that blondes cannot transcend stereotypes. “Clearly I haven’t had a facial or a manicure, but it’s even tougher than you can even imagine,” Shana (I think) said, covering shallowness and vanity. Jennifer made sure we didn’t confuse her with someone who was either smart or who’d ever driven a car before. Driving, she said, “Well, my brights aren’t staying on, so I have to hold them with one hand for the entire way — unless I’m just an idiot?” Shana agreed with the last part: “She asks that question a lot.” Usually religious people argue that God has nothing better to do than influence the results of a reality show, so it was refreshing to hear minister Kate say, “We are religious people, but we have no illusions that God cares whether or not we win the "Amazing Race".” Her partner Pat asked with mock incredulity, “No?”
Waiting for airline tickets, Jason asked, “Why is it taking so long?” Perhaps because the airline was printing tickets on a dot matrix printer. Apparently, they were at the Museum of 1992 Technology Airport. Ronald wore a t-shirt that asked “Who’s Your Daddy?”, and he made sure everyone knew that the answer was Ronald. At the airport, he parented Nicolas, who was berating an airline employee (“Please move a little faster.”) Ronald told him, “You got a mouth that basically starts with bad energy. … That’s your whole problem.” But even when he’s being an ass, and he’s frequently an ass, Ronald is hysterical. “I have maybe some problems with interpretation, but the words that come through my ear is very clear, because I cleared all the wax yesterday,” he said. At the Detour, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building, Vyxsin said, “I felt pretty comfortable doing the knots. I used to…” Immediately I thought she would end that with, “be into S&M.” But no, my stereotyping was wrong, as she ended the sentence with an even more shocking statement: “I used to macrame.” “This sucks,” Rachel said about the Detour task, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building. Whoever’s furniture was getting banged and scraped to shit probably thought the same thing. Ronald has a way of talking in an extremely, excruciatingly annoyingly patient tone — just like the pet shop employee in “Best in Show” who has to deal with Meg Swan’s search for a Busy Bee. replacement. When he and his daughter decided to switch Detour tasks, he said, “Where do we head now? See, that’s the other thing. Is it in that direction, or here, or?” Some reanimated child-size dolls from It’s a Small World were standing on the mat next to Phi, and Jason told them, “aren’t you guys cute.” Ronald, who later said he has “become the Archie Bunker of the home,” also makes up his own colloquialisms. He told his increasingly frustrated daughter, “I’m trying to give you the real truth that other people won’t tell you you have boogers in your [bow/boat/bowl].”
Because the panty hose on his arms and makeup didn’t give it away, Kynt explained to us, “I’m not one of those get down and dirty kind of boys. I’m kind of prissy.”
Nicolas learned an important lesson at the Roadblock. Whenever an old person says, “Oh, I can do that,” ignore them—especially because it may sometimes lead that old person to say, “I had to strip down a little bit” and take off all his clothes except for some frighteningly large black bikini briefs. On the mat, Phil joked to Donald, “There’ve been complaints from the locals you got down to your underpants.” But Donald said, “I went further than that.” Continuing to be an ass, Ronald told his daughter Christina, “You need to lose some weight.” At that very moment, their bike tipped over, and Ronald received his punishment, a “crotch-buster,” as he called it.
God failed to interfere in Pat and Kate’s race, and so did the editors. For once, there was no fake tension at the end of the race; for a long period of time, it was a forgone conclusion that Kate and Pat would be in last place and be eliminated. There’s something both refreshing and disorienting about a tension-less conclusion to an episode of "The Amazing Race".
Okay, as far as "Kid Nation" goes, have children grown more apologetic since my days as a child? The kids of "Kid Nation" are often as cruel to each other as I recall but then they go and apologize. What's up with that? Well, they don't always apologize. Feelings get hurt; tears get shed. Maybe it's cruel, but the kids will eventually find out being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be at all times, either. I think I've seen adults apologize a lot less often than the kids on the show. Perhaps they have some sort of super-strain of kids there -- intelligent and mature beyond their years. Some of them, anyway. And some of the solid ones are starting to crack a bit.
HEROES
Peter Petrelli: "I remember...I remember everything." Adam Monroe: "Good, then...Shall we save the world?" So, if you're a hero, a lot can happen in four months. And, apparently, a lot is going to happen in the next three episodes as our favorite heroes have to save the world (and probably the cheerleader) again. From those scenes from next week's "Heroes", it looks like there may be a stand-off coming between the two father-daughter pairs on the show (Noah/Claire & Bob/Elle). I can't wait to see that. Some may disagree with me, but I thought this was a great episode. I know nothing really moved forward in the "present-day plot" so to speak, but we got a lot of much-needed answers about some of the key players on the show. And, most importantly, Peter Petrelli got his memory back. Brainless Peter was just annoying.
GEEK TALK
Could it ... be? Maybe? Potentially? Possibly? Is Warner Bros finally about to announce their official cast for the live action Justice League of America film? Should we celebrate? Throw a party? Go out for drinks? Raise a pair of underwear up a flagpole (quick, which movie)? I wouldn't go getting your hopes up just yet (I'm talking to you Mr. "I wear the same JLA shirt 30 days in a row) -- but if IESB is correct, we could be hearing who was cast in this thing at some point this week. Yes, they apparently talked to some Warner Bros. sources who claim the cast is locked -- everyone is in double secret probation mode -- and an announcement should be coming within the next couple days. A recent Variety article claimed some huge studio tent poles could suffer delays because of the current writers strike, and that Justice League of America was one of those films. Not so, says this WB source, and so it'll be interesting to see what happens throughout the week. Who should we expect in the roles of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and Phile Man? It's anyone's guess at this point; director George Miller and his team have auditioned almost all of "Young Hollywood" and from what we hear, Miller's done a bunch of talent scouting over in Australia as well. Chances are we'll see a mix of American and Australian talent -- faces that are kinda sorta familiar, but no one really big. Then again, they could surprise us with a high-profile actor or actress, but after the whole Jessica Biel debacle, I highly doubt it. Who do you want to see in the film?
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
The first spy photos of Zachary Quinto as Spock proves the actor looks good with pointy ears. But … I thought this was a big budget film. What's up with the cheap Salvation Army sweater? The future doesn't have Armani or anything?
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
A Russian movie site has uploaded a bunch of new promo stills, including one of Brendan Fraser flying through the air with a knife. But this isn't a scene from the film. To keep himself in shape, this is actually how Brendan caught his lunch everyday.
Transformers 2
Michael Bay is so tired of fans leaking info that he's gonna plant fake info all over the web to throw people off. It's not such a great plan, though. His first false rumor claims that the sequel doesn't even have any giant robots in it.
Suicide Girls: The Movie
The punk-rock strippers may be producing and starring in their first horror movie. I don't know why they need to make a fictional film. A documentary showing the girls getting pierced and/or tattooed would be plenty gross enough.
Major Movie Star
Jessica Simpson stars as a spoiled, bankrupt actress who joins the Army and goes into basic training in the awful trailer. Although the "basic" training she really needs is some good acting lessons.
Revolver
The trailer for Guy Ritchie's latest caper uses a heavy-handed chess metaphor for the games played between Ray Liotta and Jason Statham. At least that's a step up from whatever the Madonna metaphor was in Swept Away.
Stones
Director Ridley Scott's at work on a supernatural thriller about the destruction of ancient artifacts, including the formation at Stonehenge. Though, when I first heard Scott was going to film old fossils all over the world, I assumed he was working on a tour documentary about the Rolling Stones.
The Long Walk
The Mist director Frank Darabont says for his next Stephen King adaptation he'd like to make a film out of the novel about teenage boys forced on a marathon walking competition. How far do the boys have to walk? Until they're finished reading every book King has written.
City of Men
The trailer for the sequel to City of God shows two teenage boys stuck in the middle of a violent gang war on the streets of Rio. Could be worse. They could be stuck between the striking screenwriters and the studios.
Best.Worst.Movie.
It's a documentary about the cult that's grown up around the infamously bad movie Troll 2, which starred a small-town dentist in his first acting role. Every one of his patients says that getting a root canal from him is less painful than watching him perform.
Run Biopic
Music mogul Russell Simmons wants to produce a biopic about the half of rap group Run-DMC who happens to be his brother, Joseph "Run" Simmons. Am I the only person who finds it ironic that the biggest hit from a guy named Run is a song called "Walk This Way"?
Well, that's it, phans, another entry of the Phile. The next entry is planned for next Thursday which happens to be Thanksgiving. So, unless I happen to fall asleep from eating to much turkey, I will see you then. Thanks for helping me reach my goal. Spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Hillary Clinton is a Barrack Blocker
Hi there, and welcome to the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Merry "Time of the year when it's still several weeks until Christmas but you should be buying gifts anyway because this is a consumer culture and your possessions define you" Day. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I have a couple of things to say to you. First, I hope that dreidel comforts you while you're rotting in hell. And, second, just because you're not Christian doesn't mean you can't enjoy God Jr.'s birthday just as much as the rest of us. Just do all the typical Christmas stuff and designate December 25 "Matthew McConaughey Day" or "The Shampoo and Conditioner in 1 Festival". Okay, I was kidding. Ahem. So, for his birthday my son got "Guitar Hero 3" featuring my dad's
song "Slow Ride", and I have to admit, my wife kicked my ass on it. But revenge will
be sweet, because I will put the electric in electric guitar. Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing! The big news from the world of literature was JK Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore was homosexual. Not to be outdone, the guy who wrote the Bible just announced that Jesus had a circle jerk with Judas and Matthew. In sports news, Alex Rodriguez (also known as J-Lo) has opted out of his contract with the New York Yankees. This is bad news for the Yankees, who've already lost manager Joe Torre, but there is good news. They can sign a bowl of zebra shit to play 3rd base, thus avoiding another huge salary, while still being able to win just as many championships as they did with Rodriguez. Go Tribe! So, there's a writer's strike in
Hollywood and all the talk shows are going into repeats, so how am I going to rip off a monologue? I mean, I write some jokes myself but the really funny stuff comes
from Leno, Letterman or Conan? Man, I'm screwed. So, if anything has some jokes,
political or elsewhat, please send them to me. Oh, here's one. Alphadots this kids toy
has the same chemical as a date rape pill. So, if my wife tastes something funny in her
Diet Coke... Logan returned home from school, informing me that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking. “What happened?” I asked. “Well,” Logan said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’” “But that’s right!” I said. “Then,” said Logan, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” I asked. “That’s what I said!” It was a joke, people.
R.I.P.
Hank Thompson, Country music HOFer: That settles it. Country music causes lung cancer.
Barbara West Dainton: Knock! Knock! (who's there?) Dainton! (Dainton who?)
Dainton-y mo Titanic suvivas 'cept for dat one english lady! Okay, that was very un-PC, I know.
George Osmond: Well, I think we can rule out booze, tobacco and caffeine products as factors in his demise... Say what you will about the Osmonds - "Crazy Horses" is a kickass song!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Central Florida man is accused of punching and attacking a body inside an open casket during a funeral. Police said Timothy Cleary of Apopka walked into the Harvest Baptist Church located in the Parramore neighborhood in Orlando and attacked the body. Mourners at the funeral then attacked Cleary while others called 911. When officers arrived, they took Cleary into custody at the church. He faces several charges in connection with the incident. A public defender wanted Cleary held for a mental evaluation but a judge set bond Saturday at $350. A motive for the alleged attack was not known.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1879
Leon Trotsky's birthday!
1923
Adolf Hitler attempts to seize the government in Munich. The event is now known as the "Beer Hall Putsch" and lands his ass in jail.
1937
The Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude (The Eternal Jew) opens in Munich, which ran until the 16th. Later, a film is released by the same name. "Wherever rats appear they bring ruin, by destroying mankind's goods and foodstuffs."
1973
The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper along with a ransom note. It takes two weeks to arrive. Previously, the kidnapping was thought to be a ruse by the son to obtain money, but the ear convinces his father to pay the $2.9M ransom.
1991
Convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C. Astonishing. And even more astonishing, on the same day Sonny Bono is elected to the United States Congress.
1997
President Bill Clinton speaks at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights organization. It is the first time an American president has so addressed a gathering of sodomites.
1997
A newborn baby is abandoned at a toilet in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. While the baby was found within five minutes of birth, police are still searching for the mother.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A: A dictator.
Q: Why did the Texan buy a dachshund? A: The sheriff said, “Get along, little doggie.”
NUTTED BY REALITY
The kids on "Kid Nation" are starved for entertainment as we might all be soon. I'm already starved for it during the late night hours. Butlast episode was a fun night for the most part on the show. My main little man Jared was featured fairly prominently throughout the episode, the kids had some fun, and I even had a few snickers as I watched. I'd still like to have been a fly on the wall and witnessed how they get the kids on the topic of the journal entry each week separate from the town council leaders visiting the Shack of the Journal. I guess we might never know.
HEROES
There's good news and bad news coming out of the "Heroes'" universe. The good news: despite the ongoing WGA Strike, the current 'Generations' story arc running on the hit NBC show will conclude on December 3rd in an episode entitled 'Powerless'. The bad news: should the strike extend through the new year 'Powerless' may be the season finale for "Heroes". That's what Jeph Loeb, co-executive producer and writer of the series, is saying in press reports. Luckily, Loeb and executive producer/creator Tim Kring saw this strike coming ahead of time so they, and their crew, worked like crazy to get the first story arc done before the strike deadline. This made people like comic book artist Tim Sale, who creates art for the Isaac Mendez character, nearly have a nervous breakdown. Even with the hectic work schedule Loeb states that fans should be satisfied with the end of the first story arc as many hanging plot threads will be resolved. A season end in December will mean an extremely long wait for "Heroes" fans, particularly since the proposed mid-season "Heroes: Origins" has been put on hold. Don't expect any new Web comics to fill the gap, either, as payment for Internet material is the main reason why the WGA is striking. Fans can console themselves by picking up the "Heroes" graphic novel, which encapsulates the first 34 chapters of the Web comic.
GEEK TALK
So much for Batman's first official trip outside of Gotham City. Some folks are all up in arms over production on The Dark Knight currently taking place in Hong Kong. Apparently, producers on the film sent a letter to tenants and management companies in 60 buildings asking everyone to keep their lights on while filming was taking place to, ya know, make the scene prettier. Of course, environmentalists are all ticked off, claiming this isn't the right message to send when the entire world (including Hong Kong) are trying to reduce energy consumption. A project manager for a conservation group had this to say: "We welcome the filming of Batman in Hong Kong, but why do we need to keep the lights on to make the backdrop? It seems like film-making is coming before environmental protection." I'll speculate and imagine their answer might come in the form of: "Yeah, but don't you want the city to look pretty? It's sooooo pretty when all the lights are on." The light issue is just one of many that have plagued production overseas. Just recently, a scene which was supposed to feature Batman dropping from a plane into a harbor was cut after producers learned the water could pose a health risk. Sounds fairly reasonable, but isn't the Bat-Suit supposed to protect Batman from bullets, punches, kicks -- you're telling me the dude can't get wet? The Dark Knight is scheduled to arrive in theaters on July 18 ... with or without the lights on.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man
A new international trailer has hit the web, which has a few new effects shots and a lot more scenes of co-star GwynethPaltrow. I'm still waiting to see a love scene between her and Robert Downey Jr. Something tells me she better stock up on cans of WD-40.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
A first look at the concept art fueling the demonic sequel, which includes drawings of the titular superhero and his enormous gun, called "Big Baby." Why's it called that? Cuz when he shoves its six barrels in your face, you start blubbering like one.
Star Trek
A teaser trailer featuring the building of the first Enterprise is said to be in the works. I'm excited. I hope they show where they put the toilets. I've seen every original and "Next Generation" episode, and not once have I ever seen anyone go to the bathroom.
Death Wish
Sylvester Stallone is eyeing to direct and star in a remake of the classic Charles Bronson vigilante flick. Last time Sly had a "death wish" was when he starred in the career-killing Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
High Noon
Since the western genre has been making a comeback lately, they're now remaking the Gary Cooper classic. Although they may want to think about updating the title, since modern audiences might assume this is another Harold and Kumar sequel. Or something starring Owen Wilson.
Splice
Check out the creepy promo photos of the horror movie's main creature: a naked woman with a giant bald head, a tail and hands for feet. Yep, these come with a "WARNING: Mature" tag, but the only guys who are going to be turned on by them are the ones who prefer going to a freak show over a strip club.
Dances With Wolves 2
They're making a sequel to the Oscar-winning flick, but Kevin Costner says he won't be a part of it. Now we can call him Skips Away From Bad Ideas.
The Mist
There's another freaky trailer up, this one really playing up the film's religious angle. Reminds me of car trips as a kid. If we ran into some fog my dad would always start yelling "God darn it," too.
The Great Debaters
Denzel Washington talks a good game as a debate coach in the trailer for his latest directorial effort. His youngest co-star in the film is actor Denzel Whitaker, whose parents named him after you-know-who. That's one way to suck up to the boss.
Clash of the Titans
Robert Rodriguez says he was seriously considering directing the remake but turned it down for scheduling reasons. Well, that and since the film takes place in ancient Greece, he couldn't figure out how the hero Perseus could kill Medusa and the Kraken without any machine guns at his disposal.
Pride and Glory
In the trailer, Edward Norton and Colin Farrell star as brothers who are also cops, one of whom may be corrupt. What's with all these movies about crooked police officers? It makes me long for the days of all those Police Academys. Those guys may have been inept, but at least they were positive role models.
There you have it, phans, another entry of the Phile. I want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so, so close, so tell everybody to check the Phile out. You know, spread the word, not the turd. I was thinking, that's just a stupid saying I would say as a kid, and was going to stop saying that here, but I can't. Until next week...
song "Slow Ride", and I have to admit, my wife kicked my ass on it. But revenge will
be sweet, because I will put the electric in electric guitar. Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing! The big news from the world of literature was JK Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore was homosexual. Not to be outdone, the guy who wrote the Bible just announced that Jesus had a circle jerk with Judas and Matthew. In sports news, Alex Rodriguez (also known as J-Lo) has opted out of his contract with the New York Yankees. This is bad news for the Yankees, who've already lost manager Joe Torre, but there is good news. They can sign a bowl of zebra shit to play 3rd base, thus avoiding another huge salary, while still being able to win just as many championships as they did with Rodriguez. Go Tribe! So, there's a writer's strike in
Hollywood and all the talk shows are going into repeats, so how am I going to rip off a monologue? I mean, I write some jokes myself but the really funny stuff comes
from Leno, Letterman or Conan? Man, I'm screwed. So, if anything has some jokes,
political or elsewhat, please send them to me. Oh, here's one. Alphadots this kids toy
has the same chemical as a date rape pill. So, if my wife tastes something funny in her
Diet Coke... Logan returned home from school, informing me that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking. “What happened?” I asked. “Well,” Logan said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’” “But that’s right!” I said. “Then,” said Logan, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” I asked. “That’s what I said!” It was a joke, people.
R.I.P.
Hank Thompson, Country music HOFer: That settles it. Country music causes lung cancer.
Barbara West Dainton: Knock! Knock! (who's there?) Dainton! (Dainton who?)
Dainton-y mo Titanic suvivas 'cept for dat one english lady! Okay, that was very un-PC, I know.
George Osmond: Well, I think we can rule out booze, tobacco and caffeine products as factors in his demise... Say what you will about the Osmonds - "Crazy Horses" is a kickass song!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Central Florida man is accused of punching and attacking a body inside an open casket during a funeral. Police said Timothy Cleary of Apopka walked into the Harvest Baptist Church located in the Parramore neighborhood in Orlando and attacked the body. Mourners at the funeral then attacked Cleary while others called 911. When officers arrived, they took Cleary into custody at the church. He faces several charges in connection with the incident. A public defender wanted Cleary held for a mental evaluation but a judge set bond Saturday at $350. A motive for the alleged attack was not known.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1879
Leon Trotsky's birthday!
1923
Adolf Hitler attempts to seize the government in Munich. The event is now known as the "Beer Hall Putsch" and lands his ass in jail.
1937
The Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude (The Eternal Jew) opens in Munich, which ran until the 16th. Later, a film is released by the same name. "Wherever rats appear they bring ruin, by destroying mankind's goods and foodstuffs."
1973
The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper along with a ransom note. It takes two weeks to arrive. Previously, the kidnapping was thought to be a ruse by the son to obtain money, but the ear convinces his father to pay the $2.9M ransom.
1991
Convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C. Astonishing. And even more astonishing, on the same day Sonny Bono is elected to the United States Congress.
1997
President Bill Clinton speaks at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights organization. It is the first time an American president has so addressed a gathering of sodomites.
1997
A newborn baby is abandoned at a toilet in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. While the baby was found within five minutes of birth, police are still searching for the mother.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A: A dictator.
Q: Why did the Texan buy a dachshund? A: The sheriff said, “Get along, little doggie.”
NUTTED BY REALITY
The kids on "Kid Nation" are starved for entertainment as we might all be soon. I'm already starved for it during the late night hours. Butlast episode was a fun night for the most part on the show. My main little man Jared was featured fairly prominently throughout the episode, the kids had some fun, and I even had a few snickers as I watched. I'd still like to have been a fly on the wall and witnessed how they get the kids on the topic of the journal entry each week separate from the town council leaders visiting the Shack of the Journal. I guess we might never know.
HEROES
There's good news and bad news coming out of the "Heroes'" universe. The good news: despite the ongoing WGA Strike, the current 'Generations' story arc running on the hit NBC show will conclude on December 3rd in an episode entitled 'Powerless'. The bad news: should the strike extend through the new year 'Powerless' may be the season finale for "Heroes". That's what Jeph Loeb, co-executive producer and writer of the series, is saying in press reports. Luckily, Loeb and executive producer/creator Tim Kring saw this strike coming ahead of time so they, and their crew, worked like crazy to get the first story arc done before the strike deadline. This made people like comic book artist Tim Sale, who creates art for the Isaac Mendez character, nearly have a nervous breakdown. Even with the hectic work schedule Loeb states that fans should be satisfied with the end of the first story arc as many hanging plot threads will be resolved. A season end in December will mean an extremely long wait for "Heroes" fans, particularly since the proposed mid-season "Heroes: Origins" has been put on hold. Don't expect any new Web comics to fill the gap, either, as payment for Internet material is the main reason why the WGA is striking. Fans can console themselves by picking up the "Heroes" graphic novel, which encapsulates the first 34 chapters of the Web comic.
GEEK TALK
So much for Batman's first official trip outside of Gotham City. Some folks are all up in arms over production on The Dark Knight currently taking place in Hong Kong. Apparently, producers on the film sent a letter to tenants and management companies in 60 buildings asking everyone to keep their lights on while filming was taking place to, ya know, make the scene prettier. Of course, environmentalists are all ticked off, claiming this isn't the right message to send when the entire world (including Hong Kong) are trying to reduce energy consumption. A project manager for a conservation group had this to say: "We welcome the filming of Batman in Hong Kong, but why do we need to keep the lights on to make the backdrop? It seems like film-making is coming before environmental protection." I'll speculate and imagine their answer might come in the form of: "Yeah, but don't you want the city to look pretty? It's sooooo pretty when all the lights are on." The light issue is just one of many that have plagued production overseas. Just recently, a scene which was supposed to feature Batman dropping from a plane into a harbor was cut after producers learned the water could pose a health risk. Sounds fairly reasonable, but isn't the Bat-Suit supposed to protect Batman from bullets, punches, kicks -- you're telling me the dude can't get wet? The Dark Knight is scheduled to arrive in theaters on July 18 ... with or without the lights on.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man
A new international trailer has hit the web, which has a few new effects shots and a lot more scenes of co-star GwynethPaltrow. I'm still waiting to see a love scene between her and Robert Downey Jr. Something tells me she better stock up on cans of WD-40.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
A first look at the concept art fueling the demonic sequel, which includes drawings of the titular superhero and his enormous gun, called "Big Baby." Why's it called that? Cuz when he shoves its six barrels in your face, you start blubbering like one.
Star Trek
A teaser trailer featuring the building of the first Enterprise is said to be in the works. I'm excited. I hope they show where they put the toilets. I've seen every original and "Next Generation" episode, and not once have I ever seen anyone go to the bathroom.
Death Wish
Sylvester Stallone is eyeing to direct and star in a remake of the classic Charles Bronson vigilante flick. Last time Sly had a "death wish" was when he starred in the career-killing Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
High Noon
Since the western genre has been making a comeback lately, they're now remaking the Gary Cooper classic. Although they may want to think about updating the title, since modern audiences might assume this is another Harold and Kumar sequel. Or something starring Owen Wilson.
Splice
Check out the creepy promo photos of the horror movie's main creature: a naked woman with a giant bald head, a tail and hands for feet. Yep, these come with a "WARNING: Mature" tag, but the only guys who are going to be turned on by them are the ones who prefer going to a freak show over a strip club.
Dances With Wolves 2
They're making a sequel to the Oscar-winning flick, but Kevin Costner says he won't be a part of it. Now we can call him Skips Away From Bad Ideas.
The Mist
There's another freaky trailer up, this one really playing up the film's religious angle. Reminds me of car trips as a kid. If we ran into some fog my dad would always start yelling "God darn it," too.
The Great Debaters
Denzel Washington talks a good game as a debate coach in the trailer for his latest directorial effort. His youngest co-star in the film is actor Denzel Whitaker, whose parents named him after you-know-who. That's one way to suck up to the boss.
Clash of the Titans
Robert Rodriguez says he was seriously considering directing the remake but turned it down for scheduling reasons. Well, that and since the film takes place in ancient Greece, he couldn't figure out how the hero Perseus could kill Medusa and the Kraken without any machine guns at his disposal.
Pride and Glory
In the trailer, Edward Norton and Colin Farrell star as brothers who are also cops, one of whom may be corrupt. What's with all these movies about crooked police officers? It makes me long for the days of all those Police Academys. Those guys may have been inept, but at least they were positive role models.
There you have it, phans, another entry of the Phile. I want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so, so close, so tell everybody to check the Phile out. You know, spread the word, not the turd. I was thinking, that's just a stupid saying I would say as a kid, and was going to stop saying that here, but I can't. Until next week...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires
Which is good, because I've got a blog to write. Hello, phans, and welcome to another entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Britney Spears did a call-in to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show. Half-way through the interview, she was suddenly gone. Ryan asked her a question and there was no response. Her assistant said she went to take a shower. At least she’s showering, we know that. They called her back a little while later, and she didn’t say much, but she did talk about her Halloween costume. She had a good idea. She’s going to go wearing panties. So she will be totally unrecognizable. Britney Spears' new album is getting great reviews despite being recorded in her car, at a Taco Bell drive through. It’s called “Blackout” and it’s expected to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard charts. They’re expecting it to go gold, then go platinum, then go bald . . . Boston is on a roll — not only did the Sox win another World Series, the Patriots are undefeated; the Celtics have the strongest team in a long time; and Boston won the World’s Largest Pumpkin growing contest. It went to Ted Kennedy’s head. You can’t say enough about these California firefighters. They have been trying hard to put these fires out. Every time someone asks me if I’m tired, I think about them. Yeah, I’m a hero for working all day and then writing this blog, but what these men and women are doing might be even more heroic. Shit, did I just get serious?
R.I.P.
Paul Tibbets: The man who commanded the Hiroshima mission. Waitasec! He was FAMOUS? What's the world coming to when killing 80,000 people makes you famous?
Robert Goulet: if ever i would leave youuuu how could it be in autumn knowing how in autumn........ *thud*
Porter Wagoner: Porter Meat-Wagoner.
FOGHAT NEWS
In the December 2007 issue of Guitar Player magazine Dad was recognized as one of "The Top 40 Underrated Guitarists"!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse. The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing. A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding Thursday that the mother's actions did not involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement. The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges. The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.
"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse." Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend. Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust. Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing. Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1530
Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.
1755
An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.
1896
Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.
1939
A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.
1948
A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.
1950
Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.
1951
US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.
1990
A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.
1994
A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I'm starting to wonder if we're going to see each and every kid on "Kid Nation" before the end of the season. Every week, it seems the focus is on the core group we've seen all along -- the council leaders, Greg, Jared, Sophia, and some others. But then a new kid or two is thrown into the spotlight. Whenever that spotlight shines on a new face in the crowd, it's been obvious that the new face will either be in the midst of controversy or will win the gold star. Predictable? Sure is, but with the size of the cast, I don't see any better way to do it, either. I enjoy "meeting" the kids as the season goes on. Oh, and what's the bet Nathen will turn gay?
HEROES
Is Bob heralding the return of season one's magic? Save the cheerleader. Save the world. Claire is a cheerleader again. New York is burning, destroyed, evacuated (or whatever) again. Now all we need is Sylar to get his powers back. I can only hope that the overarching plotline will take us in this direction. It's not that I want to see a repeat of season one. I just long for the overlapping stories. I like seeing the characters all together, supers cooperating to save the world. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.
GEEK TALK
CNN is reporting that William Shatner is upset at not being asked to appear in J.J. Abrams' new Star Trek film. Adding insult to injury, the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is on board. I guess you could say the Shat has hit the fan. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," says Shatner. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." I think Shatner may be overestimating his box office popularity here, but I certainly think that if you're going to have Nimoy, you need to have Shatner. No? Director Abrams originally had said Shatner would likely play a role, but the pair had a couple of meetings that led to nothing. Chris Pine (Smokin' Aces) is playing the young Captain Kirk. "Heroes"' Zachary Quinto is playing the young Spock, and we don't know much about Nimoy's role in the movie other than that "there's going to be a sense of guidance in this film and beyond." Shatner says simply, "Having been in on the creation of it, I was hoping to be in on the re-creation." I think the guy's got a point. If I had to guess, perhaps Abrams is trying to make a serious, non-jokey Trek film, and the presence of Shatner would upset that balance? Shatner has become more of a comedic figure these days, with his work on "Boston Legal" and appearances like his "Comedy Central Roast". What do you guys think?
MOVIE BUZZ
G.I. Joe
Hoping to bolster his blockbuster status, George Clooney expects to star in a brainless action film based on the old toy line. However, he's already asking for script changes. Instead of COBRA being an evil foreign terrorist organization, it'll be a clandestine group of powerful American CEOs and rogue U.S. government operatives.
Wanted
The very cool looking first promo images are now up, including one of Angelina Jolie hanging out of a moving car and shooting a flame thrower. Police have already labeled her as a "person of interest" in the setting of those devastating California wildfires.
Awake
In the trailer, Hayden Christensen remains conscious on the operating table while his life flashes before his eyes. Aha! Just as I suspected! He has the same emoting range lying flat on his back with his eyes closed as he does walking around.
Kung Fu Panda
Nacho Libre star Jack Black shows off his klutzy martial-arts moves as a prologue to some footage from his upcoming animated film. Although, it's a shame this is a cartoon, because I'd be more excited to see him wrestle a panda bear for real.
Bond Sequels
Daniel Craig has signed to star as the super spy in four more films. By the last movie, instead of people complaining about his blond tresses, they'll start bitching that he's turned gray.
Akira
The classic, convoluted Japanese anime about mutant children destroying Tokyo may finally get a live-action update. Great, maybe these guys can come up with an ending that's actually coherent.
The Flash and Green Lantern
Flash will be directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers), and Greg Berlanti ("Dawson's Creek") is on Lantern. Great, now the fastest man alive is guaranteed to slip on a banana peel, while the emerald hero will probably whine about how it's not easy being green.
Escape From New York
We can all let out a collective sigh of relief now that Brett Ratner is officially not directing the remake. I'm not breathing too easily, though, just in case the dude announces he's making Rush Hour 4.
Mad Money
In the goofy trailer, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes plot to steal old dollar bills from the Federal Reserve before they're destroyed. Lunch breaks must have been very awkward, what with Diane and Queen swapping stories about their Oscar noms, while all Katie could brag about was being the only one of them to win a Razzie.
Crank 2: High Voltage
This Jason Statham is now officially returning in a sequel in which he gets a battery-powered heart that needs constant jolts of electricity to keep him alive. As a publicity gimmick, they should wire the seats of every theater so that whenever his character gets zapped, somebody in the audience gets a jolt of juice in the butt at the same time.
David Letterman-Produced Documentary
The talk-show host is behind this feature about five young people running for office. For one scene, to give the kids tips on public speaking, Dave's having them meet Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey. Uma. Oprah. Uma.
Yeah! That's it for another entry. We are so close to hit 3000 by Christmas, I can feel it. Monday is Logan's 8th birthday. I've been a father for eight years. Man, I need to grow up. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
R.I.P.
Paul Tibbets: The man who commanded the Hiroshima mission. Waitasec! He was FAMOUS? What's the world coming to when killing 80,000 people makes you famous?
Robert Goulet: if ever i would leave youuuu how could it be in autumn knowing how in autumn........ *thud*
Porter Wagoner: Porter Meat-Wagoner.
FOGHAT NEWS
In the December 2007 issue of Guitar Player magazine Dad was recognized as one of "The Top 40 Underrated Guitarists"!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse. The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing. A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding Thursday that the mother's actions did not involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement. The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges. The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.
"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse." Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend. Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust. Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing. Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1530
Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.
1755
An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.
1896
Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.
1939
A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.
1948
A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.
1950
Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.
1951
US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.
1990
A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.
1994
A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I'm starting to wonder if we're going to see each and every kid on "Kid Nation" before the end of the season. Every week, it seems the focus is on the core group we've seen all along -- the council leaders, Greg, Jared, Sophia, and some others. But then a new kid or two is thrown into the spotlight. Whenever that spotlight shines on a new face in the crowd, it's been obvious that the new face will either be in the midst of controversy or will win the gold star. Predictable? Sure is, but with the size of the cast, I don't see any better way to do it, either. I enjoy "meeting" the kids as the season goes on. Oh, and what's the bet Nathen will turn gay?
HEROES
Is Bob heralding the return of season one's magic? Save the cheerleader. Save the world. Claire is a cheerleader again. New York is burning, destroyed, evacuated (or whatever) again. Now all we need is Sylar to get his powers back. I can only hope that the overarching plotline will take us in this direction. It's not that I want to see a repeat of season one. I just long for the overlapping stories. I like seeing the characters all together, supers cooperating to save the world. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.
GEEK TALK
CNN is reporting that William Shatner is upset at not being asked to appear in J.J. Abrams' new Star Trek film. Adding insult to injury, the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is on board. I guess you could say the Shat has hit the fan. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," says Shatner. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." I think Shatner may be overestimating his box office popularity here, but I certainly think that if you're going to have Nimoy, you need to have Shatner. No? Director Abrams originally had said Shatner would likely play a role, but the pair had a couple of meetings that led to nothing. Chris Pine (Smokin' Aces) is playing the young Captain Kirk. "Heroes"' Zachary Quinto is playing the young Spock, and we don't know much about Nimoy's role in the movie other than that "there's going to be a sense of guidance in this film and beyond." Shatner says simply, "Having been in on the creation of it, I was hoping to be in on the re-creation." I think the guy's got a point. If I had to guess, perhaps Abrams is trying to make a serious, non-jokey Trek film, and the presence of Shatner would upset that balance? Shatner has become more of a comedic figure these days, with his work on "Boston Legal" and appearances like his "Comedy Central Roast". What do you guys think?
MOVIE BUZZ
G.I. Joe
Hoping to bolster his blockbuster status, George Clooney expects to star in a brainless action film based on the old toy line. However, he's already asking for script changes. Instead of COBRA being an evil foreign terrorist organization, it'll be a clandestine group of powerful American CEOs and rogue U.S. government operatives.
Wanted
The very cool looking first promo images are now up, including one of Angelina Jolie hanging out of a moving car and shooting a flame thrower. Police have already labeled her as a "person of interest" in the setting of those devastating California wildfires.
Awake
In the trailer, Hayden Christensen remains conscious on the operating table while his life flashes before his eyes. Aha! Just as I suspected! He has the same emoting range lying flat on his back with his eyes closed as he does walking around.
Kung Fu Panda
Nacho Libre star Jack Black shows off his klutzy martial-arts moves as a prologue to some footage from his upcoming animated film. Although, it's a shame this is a cartoon, because I'd be more excited to see him wrestle a panda bear for real.
Bond Sequels
Daniel Craig has signed to star as the super spy in four more films. By the last movie, instead of people complaining about his blond tresses, they'll start bitching that he's turned gray.
Akira
The classic, convoluted Japanese anime about mutant children destroying Tokyo may finally get a live-action update. Great, maybe these guys can come up with an ending that's actually coherent.
The Flash and Green Lantern
Flash will be directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers), and Greg Berlanti ("Dawson's Creek") is on Lantern. Great, now the fastest man alive is guaranteed to slip on a banana peel, while the emerald hero will probably whine about how it's not easy being green.
Escape From New York
We can all let out a collective sigh of relief now that Brett Ratner is officially not directing the remake. I'm not breathing too easily, though, just in case the dude announces he's making Rush Hour 4.
Mad Money
In the goofy trailer, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes plot to steal old dollar bills from the Federal Reserve before they're destroyed. Lunch breaks must have been very awkward, what with Diane and Queen swapping stories about their Oscar noms, while all Katie could brag about was being the only one of them to win a Razzie.
Crank 2: High Voltage
This Jason Statham is now officially returning in a sequel in which he gets a battery-powered heart that needs constant jolts of electricity to keep him alive. As a publicity gimmick, they should wire the seats of every theater so that whenever his character gets zapped, somebody in the audience gets a jolt of juice in the butt at the same time.
David Letterman-Produced Documentary
The talk-show host is behind this feature about five young people running for office. For one scene, to give the kids tips on public speaking, Dave's having them meet Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey. Uma. Oprah. Uma.
Yeah! That's it for another entry. We are so close to hit 3000 by Christmas, I can feel it. Monday is Logan's 8th birthday. I've been a father for eight years. Man, I need to grow up. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.