Attack Of The 50 Page Phile

Hello, there. This is the 50th entry of the Phile. I cannot believe it lasted so long. Fifty entries. Man, that's a lot of words. Maybe now I can start being funny 'cause I haven't started yet. Another fifty entries and I will hit a hundred. Do you know the difference between Snoop Dogg and K-Fed? Snoop is a rapper that can actually get arrested. Have you heard about this Russian spy that was poisoned? He ingested something radioactive – or visited New Jersey. A new study found that some of our most important nuclear secrets can be found in our public libraries. and to think,. all I've been getting from our local library is CD's. How about that Kim Jong-Il? Does he give you the creeps? If you think he's nuts, what about this brother, Menta Li-Il? I've told that joke a thousand times, I still love it. Well, anyway, the United States now – listen to this – has banned the sale of iPods to North Korea. And you thought President Bush didn't have a plan. Yesterday was a historical day. In 1947, the U.N. voted to partition Palestine and create the state of Israel. Well, I'm glad they settled that. And here's probably why you folks aren't feeling so good: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock? Well, they're getting a divorce – sad news. You know, it was a brief marriage, and friends actually noticed that the couple started drifting apart during the ceremony. But Pamela Anderson, boy, I understand she's quite a handful ... They were only married four months. Four months, and I was thinking, 'Well, who gets custody of the cake?' I feel sorry for Kid Rock. It’s always the kids that get hurt most in divorce. President Bush has decided to no longer use the "n word” anymore. Apparently he was at a comedy club in Washington. More and more on Michael Richards. He hired a P.R. specialist. The bad news – it’s John Rocker. Mit Romney may run for president. Some wonder if a Mormon could be elected president. I think he’d make a fine president. He’d be standing up there with his 18 first ladies. Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is in trouble after giving the finger to fans after Sunday’s game. The Browns quarterback tried doing the same thing but no one was in the stands. New York Giants Eli Manning tried giving the finger too but it was intercepted. Elton John had to go backstage for five minutes and throw up during a concert the other night. He then came back and finished the concert. You know what this means? Elton is pregnant. The White House Christmas Tree was delivered yesterday. Just what the White House needs – more dead wood. The Pentagon is asking Germany to send more troops to Iraq. This marks the first time Germany has been asked to send more troops anywhere. President Bush’s Presidential Library is going to cost $500 million. That’s $100 million per book. President Bush visited Estonia. He thanked the Estonian President for sending troops to Iraq. Bush's exact quote was, "Those two guys are doing a great job. This week, President Bush is planning to attend a 2-day NATO summit to discuss strategies for the war in Afghanistan. President Bush will be giving a speech called: 'Strategies: Whose got one?' There's a rumor right now that Nicole Ritchie recently got breast implants. They thought they were breast implants, actually, it turns out they're just 2 grapes stuck in her windpipe. Michael Jackson is planning to follow in the footsteps of Madonna and Angelina Jolie, and do charity work in Africa. Jackson says he wants to get to Africa soon- before all the good kids are taken. Yesterday, the movie The Nativity Story, about the birth of Jesus, had it's world premiere at the Vatican. Apparently there was one awkward moment when the guy sitting behind the Pope said, "Hey pal, take off your friggin hat!" The soap opera 'All My Children' has announced that it will be introducing a new transgender character. As a result, the show will be changing its name to 'All My Children and That Chick With An Adams Apple.' Well, it's the holidays and a popular item this year is gift cards. There’s nothing like saying, "I don’t care, I don’t know what you want, but have this and you’ll find something you like at this store." Some people are saying that soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money? And finally, as you know O.J. Simpson’s book was cancelled. He’s starting a new one called "The Five People You Meet In Hell". 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Last week I forgot to section of the Phile. I was too busy thinking about myself and drinking beer on my birthday. Plus the turkey was making me sleepy. So here we go, catching up from last week first: The blondes get smarter and smarter. One of them (I still can’t tell them apart) said, “Where is Chernobyl? I know it’s where the atomic bomb went off.” At least Kimberly could admit she’s “geographically challenged.” In a car in the Ukraine, Tyler said, “Wow, I don’t even know what I’m driving.” Um, a car? Even in the Ukraine, it’s still a car, stupid asshat. James told Dustin, “I crashed into your tank.” She replied, “I didn’t even feel it,” which is probably not the first time he’s heard that from a woman. Impressed by Kimberly, Rob said something nice for a change: “I think Kimberly is finding out that she is a super-human creature from outer space.” Not to stomp on his nice sentiment, but if that was true, she would have used her laser eyes to fry off his testicles and make his head explode by now. Note to Tyler: When you adopt an overly stereotypical gay voice and say to your friend, “Nice buddy. You look so sexy,” it doesn’t make the way your buddy mounted you and slapped your ass last week any less homoerotic. The Cho brothers went home last week, in part because they were detained by the police for driving on a closed street. I am not sad, because they never really seemed to be concerned about, you know, racing. Honorable but dumb; kind but stupid; steady but slow. You don’t have to be an Rob/Amber ass to run the race, but you also have to desire to try, which does not include driving slowly and waiting around for your friends. In this week’s episode, Kimberly told us that “Rob’s starting to learn that sometimes you can’t control everything.” He even managed to shift a car into gear without swearing and telling Kimberly to shut up. He is growing up so fast; maybe next week he’ll learn to wipe himself without assistance. “Don’t look so excited to see us, James,” one of the blondes said when Tyler and James discovered they’d already boarded a flight. James squeezed his mouth so tight you could have sharpened a pencil in it, while Rob, distressed that the blondes caught up, nearly rubbed off his gross-looking beard. The Yield made an appearance, and when James found out, he was thrilled. “If we pullup there and our faces are plastered on that Yield sign, dude, I’m going to kill somebody,” he said. Alas, we didn’t get to see him stab, shoot, or beat someone to death because Lyn and Karlyn were yielded. Karlyn didn’t kill anyone, but she did give their yielders—the blondes—the finger. Reading the clue, Tyler told James, “Oh, we have to make the pots, dude. It’s not actually throwing them.” James replied absently, “Oh, yeah,” as if he didn’t think he was going to be literally hurling pots through the air. I’m surprised the two morons didn’t think “pots” referred to toilets or weed. James and Tyler were running toward the pit stop when they realized they forgot their good-luck charm in the car. Lyn and Karlyn passed them, but James and Tyler quickly lapped them and landed on the mat first. Physical strength pays off yet again. Despite being yielded, Lyn and Karlyn came in second. They hoped the blondes’ “evilness has finally bitten them back.” It did, and the blondes came in last place. On their way to the mat, they said “there’s no bad karma in the game.” Apparently not: it was another non-elimination leg (probably the last), which Phil revealed using his patented Phil Phake Out.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1731: 100,000 dead when a massive quake strikes Peking, China. 1990: Celebrated Irish author/sodomite Oscar Wilde, dies in Paris of meningitis. Wilde had been charged three times with indecency, specifically "the seduction and corruption of young men." Evidence admitted against him included testimony about fecal stains on his sheets. 1929: Dick Clark, the American Bandstander, born. We heard a rumor about extensive facial plasticizing treatments in the early 1970's. While this rumor remains unverified we must note that the man no longer ages and may not even be human. 1954: At 1 pm, an 8.5 pound stone meteorite falls from the sky and strikes Elizabeth Hulitt Hodge from Sylacauga, Alabama. The housewife was seriously bruised but survived, although the meteorite destroyed her radio. 1985: Frankenchrist released by the Dead Kennedys. More controversial than the album itself was the packaging: The Shriners filed suit regarding the cover (pictured were some of the ridiculous little cars they drive); and a poster by H.R. Giger included in the album sparked an obscenity trial in Los Angeles.1991: In Costa Mesa, California, battered wife Omeima Nelson kills her abusive husband and then proceeds to cook him. "I did his ribs just like in a restaurant. It's so sweet, it's so tender and delicious. I like mine tender." 1994: Rapper Tupac Shakur is shot five times in the chest in what may or may not have been an attempted robbery. He lives but is shot dead in Las Vegas, Nevada later.

BIZARRE CELEBRITIES

The tourist guy, is an Internet phenomenon consisting of a photograph of a tourist (Péter Guzli) that has appeared in many Photoshopped pictures after the September 11, 2001 attacks. The first one who claimed to be the tourist was the Brazilian businessman José Roberto Penteado. When Penteado started to get media attention, including an offer to be in a Volkswagen commercial, a 25 year old Hungarian man named Péter Guzli came forward as the real tourist. Guzli says, however, that he does not want publicity and did not originally release his last name. Guzli took the photo on November 28, 1997, and was also responsible for the initial edit. He edited the image for a few friends, not realizing it would spread so quickly across the Internet. He first provided the original undoctored photo and several other photos from the same series as proof to a Hungarian newspaper. Later on, Wired News examined the evidence and confirmed that Guzli was the real tourist guy.

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

Guys, we have a problem in the den.

HEROES

Like Hiro, we're headed six months into the past. We see some characters showing up in unexpected locations. We get answers. We get lots of answers, in fact, proving once again a show doesn't need to keeps its audience wholly in the dark to sustain interest. Hurray for Tim Kring. Even though Eden making portly Officer Parkman eat donuts wasn't very nice, it's interesting to see how she was brought into HRG's sphere, and to have it explained how it is that she's not running the entire world. The silent guy can prevent powers from working, and then HRG was able to offer Eden a opportunity: someplace to belong and a purpose. He's good at that, but I wonder what really would have happened to Eden if she'd turned down the offer. Would he have let her walk away like he said? It seems a great many important events in the character's backgrounds happened exactly six months ago. Peter got his nursing license, and brother Nathan's wife was crippled in a car accident. The accident wasn't Nathan's fault, as we've been led to believe. Nathan seems like a more ethical, stand-up guy at this point in his life. Maybe it's his wife's loss of her legs, along with other events related to his father's dealings with organized crime, that turned Nathan into the Machiavellian cynic we know presently. Claire becomes a cheerleader. From the looks of it, it's a good thing she will get her ability soon, because the kid is clumsy. I don't know how she survived that long without the ability, seeing as she's always crashing through panes of glass and things. Now we know that Jessica was Niki's sister who died about age twelve. She shielded Niki from childhood abuse by taking over when the abuse happened. Niki's in AA, not to much of a surprise there, even she, the "protected" sister, is plenty screwed up, as we've seen for ten episodes already. It adds to the understanding of how damaged Jessica is. Niki/Jessica is still the one "heroic" character that I can't see being able to help other people. Jessica seems to far gone and irrational for that. Although, maybe it will take someone as ruthless and single-minded as Jessica to finish off Sylar one day. Speaking of Syalr, Mohinder's father Chandra is going about his hero hunting when he meets Gabriel, a watchmaker who he thinks may have an ability. He also happens to be one of the few characters besides Hiro who is actually anxious to have and develop an ability. Well, wouldn't you know it. Gabrial "Sylar" can't understand how his first victim, a telekinesis guy, is scared of his own ability. The guy says he fears he might hurt somebody with his ability. That's a reasonable fear to have, but Sylar's not interested in moral conundrums. Making him a watchmaker is an interesting choice, he's mechanistic in his world view to say the least. Chandra inadvertently causes the death of numerous heroes when he started putting his list together. If he hadn't sought out Gabriel, then Gabriel might never have become Sylar. Chandra also exposed himself to HRG when he contacted him about Claire's ability. It was great to seem them connect as fathers. Week by week HRG becomes more and more nuanced as a character, a far cry from the X-Files knockoff villain of the premiere. Hiro bounces around Midland/Odessa having a difficult time proving to Charlie the waitress that he is from the future, even though she's got her own memory ability and witnesses a bunch of demonstrations by Hiro that ought to at least convince her something very strange is going down. Anyhow, this was the most affecting storyline of the episode. Hiro and Charlie fall in love, but some things can't be prevented, even when you can bend space and time. Hiro returns to the present, sadder and wiser. We know from that famous scene, with future Hiro and Peter on the subway, that Hiro is going to change a lot (assuming it really was Hiro visiting Peter, which I think it was) but now we see some of pain that that metamorphosis will entail. It's a hard path for the heroes, getting harder, not easier, as it goes along, making the show increasingly more fun, and more compelling, to watch.

THINGS I WISHED I HAD NEVER BELIEVED

Getting a good job is the best way to earn money. Ask any entrepreneur if she’d like to quit and get a job. Then ask most people with a job if they’d like to quit and work for themselves. Most wealthy people will tell you a job is the worst way to make money.

P.P.T.V.

Foghat My dad solo performing 'Third Time Lucky' in 1981.

Finding Foghat - A Day in the Life of Bret

Chillin like a Villain Beer/whiskey/tequila fueled home made fun. Plus a shout out to Kimberleigh's voting urges (not that I could vote any how) and an entire montage devoted to boobies. I know right, it's about time! music: Foghat ~ Easy Money

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3: It's easy to find Spidey hanging out in the posters, but you'll have to pay close attention to catch a glimpse of Venom in the featurette. He looks like the Alien's younger, meaner brother.

The Hobbit: The studio's going after Sam Raimi, but if they don't hurry, the rights will revert to a producer who promises to get Peter Jackson at the helm. Purists, you have a real reason to root against this movie getting made … at least until the end of next year.

The Smurfs: It's being described as an "animated Lord of the Rings." To which I reply: Smurf off. Just kidding.

Bond 22: The villain in the next one? Vesper's boyfriend. Poor dude — he has to face off against the guy who endured some serious genital torture for that woman.

Pan's Labyrinth: Each generation needs a trippy fantasy movie to serve as the first flick they see at the mall without the parental units. Unfortunately, I got Willow. Attention, brainy tweens: yours looks a lot cooler.

Transformers: Here's further proof that Transformers don't really like Tyrese.

Epic Movie: Most of this trailer is unbearable, but getting Crispin Glover to play Willy Wonka, even though Chocolate Factory wasn't really an "epic," is pretty cool. Wait … Snakes on a Plane wasn't an epic, either. And what's a Paris Hilton spoof doing in this thing?

The Hitcher: I'm confused — why does the Hitcher have a car? If he's got a ride, doesn't that just make him The Driver?

And now for my review of Deck The Halls. It features Danny DeVito, Matthew Broderick, Kristin Davis, and Kristin Chenoweth. Two guys in a rich neighborhood where the homes easily cost a couple of mil each decide that being insanely well-off isn't enough. They also have to destroy each other in a battle over Christmas lawn decorations. I love any movie where rich people are forced to suffer at Christmas time. And the name of that movie is The Ref. This isn't that movie. And worse, it tries to have it's Marie Antoinette cake and eat it, too, because not only do our heroes learn that simple things like family and love are the most important gift of the season, they get to have their giant environmentally disastrous Yule lights reach outer space, too. Oh, did I just spoil the ending for you? If I did, then you're not that bright to begin with. OK, yes, I laughed. I've seen so many awful movies this year that I think I'm punch-drunk. From 1 to 10 (10 being the best) I give this movie a 4. Logan's favorite part of 'Dig The Holes' as he thought it was called before he saw it, was when the guy turned the other guys lights off.

Well, that's about it. November is almost over and before you know it Christmas will be here then 2007. Check out my webshots page to see pictures from my birthday slash Thanksgiving. I will leave you with a random pic. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

 

  
 

A Peverett Phile Extra: Cut and Run

Friends, tomorrow marks the day that we will have been in Iraq longer than we were in all of World War II. That's right. We were able to defeat all of Nazi Germany, Mussolini, and the entire Japanese empire in LESS time than it's taken the world's only superpower to secure the road from the airport to downtown Baghdad. And we haven't even done THAT. After 1,347 days, in the same time it took us to took us to sweep across North Africa, storm the beaches of Italy, conquer the South Pacific, and liberate all of Western Europe, we cannot, after over 3 and 1/2 years, even take over a single highway and protect ourselves from a homemade device of two tin cans placed in a pothole. No wonder the cab fare from the airport into Baghdad is now running around $35,000 for the 25-minute ride. And that doesn't even include a friggin' helmet. Is this utter failure the fault of our troops? Hardly. That's because no amount of troops or choppers or democracy shot out of the barrel of a gun is ever going to "win" the war in Iraq. It is a lost war, lost because it never had a right to be won, lost because it was started by men who have never been to war, men who hide behind others sent to fight and die. Let's listen to what the Iraqi people are saying, according to a recent poll conducted by the University of Maryland: 71% of all Iraqis now want the U.S. out of Iraq. 61% of all Iraqis SUPPORT insurgent attacks on U.S. troops. Yes, the vast majority of Iraqi citizens believe that our soldiers should be killed and maimed! So what the hell are we still doing there? Talk about not getting the hint. There are many ways to liberate a country. Usually the residents of that country rise up and liberate themselves. That's how we did it. You can also do it through nonviolent, mass civil disobedience. That's how India did it. You can get the world to boycott a regime until they are so ostracized they capitulate. That's how South Africa did it. Or you can just wait them out and, sooner or later, the king's legions simply leave (sometimes just because they're too cold). That's how Canada did it. The one way that DOESN'T work is to invade a country and tell the people, "We are here to liberate you!" -- when they have done NOTHING to liberate themselves. Where were all the suicide bombers when Saddam was oppressing them? Where were the insurgents planting bombs along the roadside as the evildoer Saddam's convoy passed them by? I guess ol' Saddam was a cruel despot -- but not cruel enoughfor thousands to risk their necks. "Oh no, Jason, they couldn't do that! Saddam would have had them killed!" Really? You don't think King George had any of the colonial insurgents killed? You don't think Patrick Henry or Tom Paine were afraid? That didn't stop them. When tens of thousands aren't willing to shed their own blood to remove a dictator, that should be the first clue that they aren't going to be willing participants when you decide you're going to do the liberating for them. A country can HELP another people overthrow a tyrant (that's what the French did for us in our revolution), but after you help them, you leave. Immediately. The French didn't stay and tell us how to set up our government. They didn't say, "we're not leaving because we want your natural resources." They left us to our own devices and it took us six years before we had an election. And then we had a bloody civil war. That's what happens, and history is full of these examples. The French didn't say, "Oh, we better stay in America, otherwise they're going to kill each other over that slavery issue!" The only way a war of liberation has a chance of succeeding is if the oppressed people being liberated have their own citizens behind them -- and a group of Washingtons, Jeffersons, Franklins, Ghandis and Mandellas leading them. Where are these beacons of liberty in Iraq? This is a joke and it's been a joke since the beginning. Yes, the joke's been on us, but with 655,000 Iraqis now dead as a result of our invasion (source: Johns Hopkins University), I guess the cruel joke is on them. At least they've been liberated, permanently. So I don't want to hear another word about sending more troops (wake up, America, John McCain is bonkers), or "redeploying" them, or waiting four months to begin the "phase-out." There is only one solution and it is this: Leave. Now. Start tonight. Get out of there as fast as we can. As much as people of good heart and conscience don't want to believe this, as much as it kills us to accept defeat, there is nothing we can do to undo the damage we have done. What's happened has happened. If you were to drive drunk down the road and you killed a child, there would be nothing you could do to bring that child back to life. If you invade and destroy a country, plunging it into a civil war, there isn't much you can do 'til the smoke settles and blood is mopped up. Then maybe you can atone for the atrocity you have committed and help the living come back to a better life. The Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan in 36 weeks. They did so and suffered hardly any losses as they left. They realized the mistake they had made and removed their troops. A civil war ensued. The bad guys won. Later, we overthrew the bad guys and everybody lived happily ever after. See! It all works out in the end! The responsibility to end this war now falls upon the Democrats. Congress controls the purse strings and the Constitution says only Congress can declare war. Mr. Reid and Ms. Pelosi now hold the power to put an end to this madness. Failure to do so will bring the wrath of the voters. We aren't kidding around, Democrats, and if you don't believe us, just go ahead and continue this war another month. We will fight you harder than we did the Republicans. This is what we demand: 1. Bring the troops home now. Not six months from now. NOW. Quit looking for a way to win. We can't win. We've lost. Sometimes you lose. This is one of those times. Be brave and admit it. 2. Apologize to our soldiers and make amends. Tell them we are sorry they were used to fight a war that had NOTHING to do with our national security. We must commit to taking care of them so that they suffer as little as possible. The mentally and physically maimed must get the best care and significant financial compensation. The families of the deceased deserve the biggest apology and they must be taken care of for the rest of their lives. 3. We must atone for the atrocity we have perpetuated on the people of Iraq. There are few evils worse than waging a war based on a lie, invading another country because you want what they have buried under the ground. Now many more will die. Their blood is on our hands, regardless for whom we voted. If you pay taxes, you have contributed to the three billion dollars a week now being spent to drive Iraq into the hellhole it's become. When the civil war is over, we will have to help rebuild Iraq. We can receive no redemption until we have atoned. In closing, there is one final thing I know. You Americans are better than what has been done in our name. A majority of us were upset and angry after 9/11 and we lost our minds. We didn't think straight and we never looked at a map. Because we are kept stupid through our pathetic education system and our lazy media, we knew nothing of history. We didn't know that WE were the ones funding and arming Saddam for many years, including those when he massacred the Kurds. He was our guy. We didn't know what a Sunni or a Shiite was, never even heard the words. Eighty percent of our young adults (according to National Geographic) were not able to find Iraq on the map. Our leaders played off our stupidity, manipulated us with lies, and scared us to death. But at our core we are a good people. We may be slow learners, but that "Mission Accomplished" banner struck us as odd, and soon we began to ask some questions. Then we began to get smart. By this past November 7th, we got mad and tried to right our wrongs. The majority now know the truth. The majority now feel a deep sadness and guilt and a hope that somehow we can make make it all right again. Unfortunately, we can't. So we will accept the consequences of our actions and do our best to be there should the Iraqi people ever dare to seek our help in the future. We ask for their forgiveness. We demand the Democrats listen to us and get out of Iraq now.

Thanks.

Jason Peverett.

I Wanna Talk About Me

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk. We talk about your church and your head when it hurts. We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother.
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover. We talk about your friends and the places that you've been. We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin. The polish on your toes and the run in your hose. And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes. You know talking about you makes me smile but every once in awhile I wanna talk about me. Wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one.  Oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see.
I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally I wanna talk about me. We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes. Your high school team and your moisturizer creme. We talk about your guys of every shape and size. The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize. We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts. And your medical charts and where you start. You know talking about you makes me grin. But every now and then I wanna talk about me. Wanna talk about I,
wanna talk about number one. Oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally I wanna talk about me. You you you you you you you you youyouyouyouyou. I wanna talk about me.

Me, me, me, me! Hello, Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Today is my 38th birthday. Yep, 38 years ago today I was born, and I've been a pain in the ass ever since. Yesterday was the busiest travel day of the year. Over 38 million people traveled – and that’s just the people coming over from Mexico. Thanksgiving is a day we spend with relatives. Or as Donald Rumsfeld calls it, acceptable torture. I went down to the animal shelter and adopted a stray turkey. They taste just as good as the other ones. In the December issue of "GQ” magazine Al Gore revels that Bill Clinton does not drink. I wouldn’t have guessed that. He doesn’t drink. Can you believe that? When he was hitting on Paula Jones he was sober! This morning was the big Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Sorry kids no Kramer balloon this year. My wife Jen is a tremendous cook. You know how turkey makes you sleepy? Well Jen figured something outto counteract that. What she does is the night before, she marinates that turkey in Red Bull. Today President Bush pardoned two turkeys at the White House. The turkeys end up a petting zoon in Virginia. It’s the same thing they did with Mark Foley. Fox has cancelled its deal with O.J. O.J. is saying that the title of the show and book was not his idea. "If I Did It This Is How It Happened” was not his idea. His idea was "When I Did It”. Everyone is discussing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding. Some big news from the reception. Tom serenaded Katie with "You Lost That Loving Feeling”. Katie sang back to him with, "I’ve Lost My Dignity and Will To Live”. A new poll says 60% of Americans believe President Bush is doing a worse job than his father. He was cheered up though when someone told him he was the second best president with the name George Bush. Paris Hilton was singing at a show in Las Vegas and was so drunk she got sick on stage. Vegas has changed its slogan to "What happens in Vegas first goes into Paris, comes out of Paris and stays in Vegas”. The CIA has given up on trying to find Osama bin Laden. They now have a new task of trying to find a Playstation 3. That’s crazy. People are waiting in lines for the Playstation 3. There’s been riots and even a shooting. So now we have proof that video games kill brain cells. People have been camping outside of stores in wait to get a PS3. The sad thing is camping outside of a Circuit City to get a PS3 will be the only time some of these people ever camp. President Bush was in Vietnam. I don’t think he gets it. For example today he called John McCain and said, "I stayed at that Hanoi Hilton you’re always talking about and it wasn’t that bad.” Queen Elizabeth has announced she will visit the U.S. next year to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the Jamestown settlement. The Queen says she expects to enjoy herself as much as she did at Jamestown's 300th anniversary celebration. The other night at an awards show, Michael Jackson made an appearance and he was introduced by Lindsay Lohan. People in the audience kept asking, "Who are those two skinny white chicks?" In Kansas, a criminal was caught after he stuck his gun in his waistband and accidentally shot himself in his testicles. The man was arrested and immediately brought to a woman's prison. A poll was taken about who would be a better parent: Britney Spears or Kevin Federline and only three percent said Federline. Eighty-seven percent said the kids should take their chances on the streets.

ME

Name: Jason Lee James Peverett. Birthdate: November 23rd, 1968. Birthplace: Balem, England (a suburb of London). Current location: Minneola, Florida. Eye color: blue. Hair color: strawberry blonde. Height: 6 foot 1. Weight: Almost 200 pounds. Food: All kinds except red meat and seafood. Candy: chocolate. Number: 23. Color: black. Animal: I don't like animals really. Drink: Diet Coke, or beer. Pepsi or Coke: Coke. McDonalds or Burger King: Doesn't matter. Logan and I normally go to whover has the better kids meal toys. Strawberry or Watermelon: Strawberry. Hot tea or Ice tea: Ice. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate. Hot chocolate or coffee: Coffee. Kiss or hug: Both. Dog or cat: neither. Rap or punk: punk. Summer or Winter: Summer. Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Funny. Love or money: Love, but I LOVE money. Bedtime: Depends on what day. 10 pm usually. Most missed memory: living on Long Island. Best physical feature: my eyes. First thought waking up: how much longer can I sleep? Goal for this year: to get a PSP. Best friends: Jim, Jeff, Pete, Ron and Sharon. Weakness: Too long to list here. Fears: bees, wasps, getting pulled over for speeding. Heritage: English and I am afraid to say...French. Longest relationship: Nine years and still going with my wife Jen. Have I...ever drank: yes. Ever smoked: Cigarettes? No. Pot: yes. Ever been drunk: yes. Ever been beaten up: yes. Ever beaten someone else up: yes. Ever shoplifted: no. Ever skinny dipped: yes. Ever kissed opposite sex? no. How do I want to die: in front of a lot of people in a big disaster. Do I like thunderstorms: no. Do I think I'm attractive: sometimes. My personality ruins it though. Shower daily: yes. Hate anyone: yes. There, a little bit of info about me. Speaking of me, a guest at work sent a nice letter about me. This is what it said: Compliment to Jason Peverett at Innoventions West.  Here's the part about Epcot... The day before our trip was over I feel that one of your CM's did make one of my son's dreams come true.  I'm referring to a CM named Jason, in Innoventions West I believe, where the Robot Race and build your own robot are. The situation was this: We had split from my husband to go and do the robot race one more time before we left for dinner that evening at the Polynesian. We were a bit tight on time, but we were at Disney, they are pretty forgiving about you being a few minutes late for advanced dining reservations, so I decided we could do the robot race. When we approached the area where it begins the CM informed me it would be about 30 minutes until the next race began.  I KNEW it would be about 30 minutes by the time we got through with the race and building of the robot, so I knew we did not have enough time. I politely thanked the CM and explained to my son we did not have enough time, we would have to do it on our next trip. He then started to whimper and the CM told us to go around the wall discreetly and build one ourselves, which we did and that made my son happy! On our way out of the building area we again passed the area where you begin the robot experience. A new CM asked if we were ready to do the race and I told her we had just finished building one.  My son said, "Yeah, can we mom", but again we did not have the time at that moment to do the entire experience and we continued our way toward the exit. Very near the exit (right beside the Kidcot station) my son totally lost it and full out cried. I pulled him aside and started to explain we needed to get moving, we would do the robots on our next trip, I promise! Just then another CM approaches us and asks what the problem was, he got down and asked my son, not me!  My son proceeded to tell Jason what had already happened and he wanted to build another robot! Jason (I know he's from New York, but not the town) says "WAIT RIGHT HERE, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!!"  My husband enters and asks why we are waiting. I tell him what was going on and in a few minutes Jason races back with a LARGE bag! Inside the bag was pretty much a mother's nightmare - a bag of robot parts!!! Jason told my son he could now build an Army of robots once he got home!!! My son jumped up and down, tears dried and a happy kid emerged! He gave Jason a high five and told him "You are the best Jason!"  That was the most memorable experience we had the entire trip and I want to say THANK YOU JASON!!!!!

Okay, it's official...the ego has landed.

 

TODAY IN HISTORY

 

1910: English murderer Hawley Crippen hanged, after he was caught aboard the SS Montrose attempting to escape to Britain. It was the first use of radio for the apprehension of a criminal. 1963: The first episode of Doctor Who premiers on the BBC. 1968: I was born in London. 1976: Jerry Lee Lewis arrested in front of Graceland in Memphis for public drunkenness, and carrying a chrome plated .38 derringer revolver. 1980: Over 2500 people are killed when a 6.8 earthquake rocks the Campania and Basilicata regions of Italy. 1997: After a minor traffic incident, three Mexican police officers remove taxi driver Jesus Gallegos from his car and beat him. In front of bystanders. Gallegos charred body is found the next day. The three have been charged with homicide.

 

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

 

Bare-chested and fuelled by drunken bravado, he dangles from a 25,000 volt power cable. If he had tried his foolish stunt at any other time, Shane White would have been fried. Fortunately for him, however, he had unwittingly picked a seven minute period when the power was turned off - the first in 15 months. Oblivious to the danger, he leapt from a footbridge and, egged on by a gang of youths, hung from the railwaycable for some time, eventually dropping to the ground only when his baseball cap blew off. His prank was watched by astonished passengers on a stationary train, one of whom took this photo. Opinion was divided over whether White was the luckiest man in Britain, or the most stupid. And the 22-year-old himself admitted: "It was completely and utterly idiotic. I know I’m a fool for doing it." White, unemployed, said he was so drunk on cider and beer that he had no memory of his actions until he saw the picture in a newspaper. He handed himself in to police and was yesterday given a four-month suspended sentence and a curfew order for trespassing on railway property. Outside court he said: "I remember walking through Asda and my missus saying, 'Who’s that nutcase?', pointing at the paper. I realised it was me so I went straight to the police." "When I found out the electricity had been cut off at that exact moment I couldn’t believe it. I won’t be doing this again, that’s for sure." Magistrates were told that power to the cables had been cut between 4.05pm and 4.12pm on August 14 after an unrelated incident further down the track. Trains had been brought to a standstill. Sara Beddow, prosecuting, added: "A train had been brought to a stop one third of a mile short of Tamworth." A passenger saw Mr White take hold of the overhead line. Had the electricity been on there is no doubt Shane White would have died." John Mcgregor, defending, said: "Over the last 15 months power has never been off apart from the seven minutes when he was hanging on." "He was depressed and drunk over the breakdown of a relationship at that particular time." "He accepts it was a stupid and idiotic action but no trains were inconvenienced because they had already been stopped earlier." 

 

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

 

 

Copy that, TK563. All clear in the living room too. Over.

 

HEROES

 

The cover of the August 31, 1987 edition of the magazine, that is. Seems that Masi Oka was one of the smart kids pictured on the cover of that issue of Time, the one titled "Those Asian-American Whiz Kids." Oka is on the left, with the blue shirt and the backpack. The story came to light on Monday night's episode of Late Night With Conan O'Brien. Oka was a guest on the show, and Conan surprised the Heroes star by showing him a copy of the magazine. The picture was taken by the parent of one of his friends. Oka went on to work for George Lucas' Industrial Light & Magic, and actually still works there part time (as far as I know). When he started there out of college, he actually had something in his contract about his movie career. Anyone have a copy of this issue? Could be a cool collectible. Everyone rush over to ebay starting right....now.

In an utterly brilliant bit of casting news, George Takei, Star Trek's Captain Sulu, will be playing Hiro Nakamura's father on NBC's Heroes. You can expect Hiro's father to be showing up stateside to bring his super son back to Japan. If you've been watching the series, you know that won't go over too well considering that Hiro is on a mission to save New York City from imploding in five weeks, which - counting reruns - should be just in time for sweeps. Masi Oka, who plays space-and-time-continuum-bending Hiro, told TV Guide, "I just hope I get to say, 'Dad! Sulu is my hero, not you!' The sci-fi fans would love it."

 

MOVIE BUZZ

The Hobbit and The Hobbit 2: Peter Jackson says he's not going to direct because of stupid Hollywood politics. Read: unsettled lawsuit. But MGM reportedly says the matter "is not closed." This could translate as: "Ringers have given us numerous death threats and we are afraid of a geek revolt" or "We're gonna give the job to the Amelie guy."

Fantastic Four 3: Expect Frankie Raye to be introduced in the second installment, but she won't become Nova, Johnny Storm's fiery girlfriend, until the third go-round. You know, I bet they burn up a lot of sheets. That could get seriously expensive.

Zodiac: This trailer is wicked creepy. Now, will somebody please make a movie about the Green River killer? He's the last big-name serial killer without a movie.

Fred Claus: Ever wonder what Santa Claus does the other 364 days of the year? He sits on a couch arguing with Vince Vaughn about the merits of replacing reindeer with dogs.

The Dirt: Rumored for the Motley Crue biopic: Val Kilmer as David Lee Roth and Christopher Walken as Ozzy Osbourne. They'd really blow some minds if they had Roth cameo as Kilmer and Osbourne play Walken. Dude, seriously.

Night At The Museum: You know what's rad? Bitch-slapping monkeys.

And now my reviews of Happy Feet and Casino Royale. Happy Feet: Staring the voices of Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, Robin Williams, Hugo Weaving. I was kind of hoping that this would be the singing/dancing penguin equivalent of David Cronenberg's Crash. That whole movie was just people having car accidents and then having sex. So 90 minutes of penguin-Moulin Rouge would have been fine with me. And it starts that way, but then veers off into all kinds of directions, for better and for worse. Here are some of those directions: They comment on pollution and the depletion of the ocean's fish by humans; they take the main Wood penguin on a hero's journey to stop those humans from de-fishing the ocean, he winds up in a zoo, he loses his mind, he meets a mystical penguin guru, he gives everyone dance lessons, and then real humans are superimposed into the action. It zigs and zags into a lot of different places you're not expecting. Entertaining throughout. But trippy. The Wood penguin looks like Wood. I don't know how they do that. But it's disconcerting. There are at least three scenes in this movie that are genuinely scary. Circle-of-life stuff where the predators seem to leap right out of the screen and into your lap. If you have children under six, and they're not tough-as-nails, then you're going to have some screaming and crying on your hands. There's this scene where Wood's and Murphy's penguins are falling in love and dancing and he freaks her from behind. And if you're an adult, you think, "Wait, did those penguins just do that?" The answer: Yes, they did. Casino Royale: Staring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench, Mads Mikkelsen, Jeffrey Wright, Giancarlo Giannini. Remember Timothy Dalton and Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan and how suave and dashing and freshly bathed they always seemed? Well, those days are over. Craig as Bond is an egocentric, thugged-out hot-head with a squashed-in mug whose first impulse isn't to invite you to tea with David Niven. He's just going to shoot you in the face. There was a version of this movie made in 1967 and Woody Allen was the villain. As you might guess, it was kind of a Bond parody. This one is nothing like that. In fact, it's a re-booted version of Bond because Casino was the first Bond novel that Ian Fleming wrote. So this one gives you a fresh Bond, one that's just starting his 007 career, one that doesn't have the Aston Martin or a preference in martinis. And he works out, which is something you could never say about Roger Moore. In fact, Craig looks like he just got sprung from the boxing program of some British prison. Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen is the villain here, he's asthmatic, has a weird eye scar and involuntarily cries blood that he's always dabbing with a handkerchief. I am not a big Poker fan, but the Poker game in the middle was pretty cool, except that it kinda dragged. There was no Moneypenny, no Q, no gadgets, and only two Bond women. It'll be interesting on what they do next with the next Bond movie due out in 2008.

Well, that's about it. I am going to have a mug of egg nog before I go to sleep. The turkey is making me sleepy. I'll be back next Thursday, the last day of November. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

 

Shredding The Document

Oh what have you done with your life, oh please don't tell me. Just shut up and go to work cause you're interrupting me. I won't represent the U.S. in the summer Olympics.
My character's questionable, my life is a broken record. I'm keeping my mouth shut, I'm running on radio silence, I'm letting the record speak, I'm shredding the document,  the switchboard is lighting up, I'm not taking anymore calls, well maybe from Larry King. I doctored the evidence, yeah it was a cover up, I want to stay wrapped in my blanket and never get out of bed. You know what my father said, well I'm not going to tell you. Some words that I try to live by, it's none of your goddamn business. I'm shredding the document, the switchboard is lighting up, I'm not taking anymore calls, well maybe from Oprah Winfrey.

Hello, and welcome to another entry of the Peverett Phile. President Bush just began a seven-day trip through Asia. So far, everywhere he’s gone in Asia he’s been met by thousands of protesters. President Bush may be the first American to be greeted with the phrase, "We hate you long time.” President Bush just announced that next month he will host a White House conference on malaria. Bush told reporters, "I’m looking forward to meeting the Marlarians.” Lawyers in Germany are trying to have Donald Rumsfeld arrested and tried for war crimes. You know things are bad when Germany is accusing you of war crimes. This weekend, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married in a lavish ceremony – and Holmes will be wearing a perfume that costs $2,400 an ounce. The perfume is called "Eau de Giant Charade.” Eva Longoria is angrily denying rumors that she will be playing Beyonce’s lesbian lover in a movie. So know one knows if the movie is real or just a dream I had. O.J. Simpson is going to appear in a Fox special called: "If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.” Then O.J. will appear in a rebuttal special called: "But Perhaps I Didn’t Do It – Unless Of Course By ‘It’ You Mean ‘Double Murder’ – In Which Case Yes: I Did It.” Soon Nancy Pelosi will be the most powerful woman in the country. Unless you count Oprah. Three out of five Americans don’t think the Democrats have a plan for Iraq. Democrats were stunned when they heard this. Two people think we have a plan?! The CIA is now sayingthat Borat misled them on the facts in going into Iraq. Borat was actually punched by a guy in New York. Borat went up to talk to him and got hit. In the guy’s defense when he turned around, he saw a reporter with a mustache and just thought it was Geraldo. A new James Bond movie is out. Casino Royale. This about how Bond gets started and gets his license to kill. A license to kill. After Blake, O.J. and Spector that’s not so special anymore. This week, a restaurant in Arizona began selling The Quadruple Bypass Burger. It has four slabs of beef weighing two lbs., three cheese layers, four bacon rashers, lettuce and tomato. Then, to help you get to your car, they take the grease from the bacon and rub it on the doorways. Sunday night Kevin Federline was performing a concert when he went off on his divorce and said "F" Britney. Fortunately, no one in the audience was offended because there was no one in the audience. Sources say the prenup Britney Spears made Kevin Federline sign is 60 pages long. The first page handles who gets the money and the next 59 pages handle who gets the trucker hats. Wal-Mart announced they're coming out with their own brand of wine. Wal-Mart's wine comes in red or white trash, as well as 12- or 16-ounce cans. According to a new report, the most frequently delayed flight in the country is Delta's 6:30 flight from New York to Washington, D.C. - which is late 100 percent of the time. Delta officials plan to fix the problem with the 6:30 flight by re-naming it the "7:30 flight." I have some good news about the health of Fidel Castro – it got worse! Castro isn’t expected to make it much past 2007. He’s worth almost $900 million. Today Anna Nicole Smith was seen paddling to Cuba. Wal-Mart will allow employees to say "Merry Christmas” this year. This year they can do that. They learned how to speak English. And finally, to My Conservative Brothers and Sisters, I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand. Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. The millions who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what they plan to do with the newfound power -- and, to be specific, what they will do to you and for you. Thus, here is the Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives: Dear Conservatives and Republicans, my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you: 1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us. 2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift. 3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you. 4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie. 5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too. 6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water. 7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you. 8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived. 9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too. 11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world. 12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition. I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Traveling from Madagascar to Finland, the teams on The Amazing Race 10 had to ski or slog their way through mud, and rappel face-first down the tower at Helsinki Olympic Stadium. The mud-slogging was a good metaphor, as this episode seemed to drag pretty substantially—especially considering that it had no elimination at the end and no real cliffhanger. While we’re waiting for Phil to return and spike a team, here are the few stupid things teams said this week: Phil said they had to check laptops “to discover a surprise in their AOL e.mail.” Apparently, he meant a surprise other than an inbox full of spam and e.mail messages from friends asking, “Why the hell do you still have an AOL e.mail account? Are you functionally impaired?” Here’s a bunch of Tyler and James’ dialogue, condensed and edited to remove some phrases; most of this was spoken while James was on Tyler’s back spanking him: “I think that James does appreciate … that I get on … sometimes … but I think he knows it comes from a loving place from me.” … “You got it buddy. Push through it.” … “This sucks.” … “So deep. It’s deep; it’s deep, just…” … “You’ll get out.” … “Arrgh.” … “Let’s go.” … “Come on. You wanna switch? No.” … “Yes, yes!” “You gotta push.” … “Aw, man. Come on, bro. You gotta dig for it.” … “Let’s change.” … “Look at that, dude. That is crazy.” … “Goin’ deep.” … “Coming out’s a bitch.” … “There you go. Check in there. That’s what I like to see.” … “Yeah, hammertime.” … “This is going very, very smoothly right now.” … “James is going to have a rough time. He’s going to be frozen. That was sick!” … “Lean all the way forward, bro, towards me. ” … “Lean forward into it.” … “Hurts, bro.” … “Oh my god!” Surprise, surprise, Kimberly and Rob fought over nothing in a cab when Kimberly asked Rob to stop repeating directions. “For the sake of our team,” he said, “stop telling me to do.” Rob, for the sake of all of us, shut the hell up. As James and Tyler passed the blondes in a taxi, there was a nice shot of the sound guy sitting next to them, headphones on. Later, in the cave, a camera operator was visible in silhouette for a second. It’s so easy to forget that teams are crammed into the back seat of cabs with a third person, and it’s impressive we almost never see anyone except the teams. Smearing cream on his face aboard a train, Tyler said, “Moisturizer’s very important. It says, ‘I like my face. And I care to keep it for a year or two.’” Some nice people waiting for a cab let Rob and Kimberly jump to the front of the line, but they lost their patience when Lyn and Karlyn arrived. “Please. There is a queue. There are a long queue,” a guy who looked exactly like George Plimpton said. Introducing the Detour task, a waders-clad Phil stood in mud and, as someone demonstrated jumping into the mud and crawling through it, Phil flinched and looked at the guy, saying via his facial expressions,“Is it really necessary for you to splash so dramatically?” Rob might be an ass, but at least he recognizes that he acts like a two-year-old. After he and Kimberly missed a train, he decided they’d just lost the race. “We’ll get on the next one!” Kimberly said, but Rob asked her to stop being rational for a few minutes so he could have a temper-tantrum: “Just let me have my moment.” As Lyn and Karlyn passed them, Erwin said, “Our style would have been to wait for them.” The Cho brothers seem like nice guys, but they really seem to be dumb sometimes. First they play with water guns in an airport; now they continually refuse to, you know, race during a race. This is not summer camp, guys. This episode ended with a quasi-cliffhanger, although minus the drama that usually accompanies a cliffhanger. Tyler and James looked at their next clue, which simply said, “KEEP RACING!!!”

THINGS I WISH I HAD NEVER BELIEVED

Money is the root of all evil: Money isn’t good or evil. It’s a tool like a hammer or a saw. You can create with it or destroy with it. People use it to build infrastructure, to build research facilities, to find cleaner sources of energy, and to create timeless art and literature. If you use your money to create value for yourself and others, your money will grow – and you will have all the money you’ll ever need. However, if you hoard money selfishly or spend it frivolously, you will never have enough. Don’t you think you could contribute more to society, the world, and other people if you had great wealth? So what’s wrong with intending to be wealthy? Do you believe you have the capacity to create value in other people’s lives? Those that think and act create wealth, so if you intend to become wealthy, don’t wait around for a government grant or the winning lotto numbers, get out there and start creating value for other people today.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1906: Opera star Enrico Caruso is charged with an indecent act committed in the monkey house of New York's Central Park Zoo. He pinched the bottom of a woman described as "pretty and plump", causing outrage amongst New York high society. Caruso claimed a monkey pinched the lady's bottom. 1957: Serial killer Ed Gein kills his final victim, Bernice Worden, a store clerk in her50's.Her decapitated body is later found outdoors hanging from a block and tackle, gutted. Some parts were unaccounted for. 1981: Actor William Holden dies after a fall, hitting his head on a table. He is too fucking drunk to telephone for assistance; instead he bleeds to death while dabbing his serious wound with Kleenex. 1989: A death squad composed of El Salvadoran army troops slaughters six Jesuit priests and two others at Jose Simeon Canas University.

BROKEN

If smoking isn't allowed, why is there a need to pick up your cigarette butts?

BIZARRE CELEBRITIES

Mahir Cagri, a resident of Turkey, became an Internet celebrity in 1999. His picture-laden personal homepage, which exclaimed in broken English his love of the accordion and travel, was visited by millions and spawned numerous fansites and parodies. Mahir claimed in various interviews that his personal webpage was hacked, with additions such as "I like sex" embedded into his webpage. His website was quickly spread through word of mouth on the internet. The website came at a time when "Internet phenomenon" was a new concept for Internet users, media, and the curious public.
Some quotes from his site: "I KISS YOU!!!!!!" "Who is want to come TURKEY I can invitate ..... She can stay my home ........" "I like sex" "I like music, I have many many music enstrumans my home I can play"

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

This is trooper TK563, the Henderson's cat has been successfully chased off the property. The back yard is secure. Repeat: the back yard is secure. Over.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

What is it about Doctor Who that makes people want to leave? First we had Christopher Eccleston (The Doctor) calling it quits after one series. Then Billie Piper (Rose) left after two. Now The Sun is reporting that David Tennant (The Doctor) may not be coming back after he finishes series three, his second with the show. According to reports, he has been offered £1million to come back for series four. Digging out the calculator, converting pounds to dollars, dividing by episodes, that's more than what those crazy kids over at Lost are getting. Of course, he could also be floating his exit in the press as a bargaining tool. Maybe he wants more money, a personal chef, or just all the Toblerone he can possibly eat. Whatever the case, I'd like to see him stick around. I'm really enjoying his work as The Doctor in series two, currently airing in the U.S. on SciFi. But given the recent history of the show, anything can happen.

MOVIE BUZZ

Fan Boys: The trailer's got a '70s van decked out like the Millennium Falcon, a bunch of Star Wars geeks using Jedi mind tricks to get laid and a shocking look at the inside of Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. Warning: if you're a Trekkie and go to this flick on opening weekend, you will get a savage beatdown.

Wolverine: Bryan Singer might return to direct the spinoff prequel. He must have thought X3 was a flaming bag of mutant crap, too.

Tipping The Velvet: Yes, Beyonceé and Eva Longoria might play lusty lesbians. And, no, I didn't know what "tipping the velvet" meant until I looked it up on Urban Dictionary.

Play Misty For Me: Poor Ben's taken enough abuse, and besides, he was pretty decent in Hollywoodland. Wait — what's that you say? He wants to direct a remake of a Clint Eastwood movie? Let the Affleck-bashing continue!

Superman Returns 2: The rumored title is Superman: The Man of Steel. I guess Superman: Balls in Lois Lane's Purse wasn't catchy enough.

Charlotte's Web: Is it wrong that this trailer makes me crave bacon? In fact, with the exception of the rat and maybe the spider, I would like to kill, fry and eat almost all the animals.

And now for the review of Down The Shitter ( I mean Flushed Away). A pampered, domesticated pet mouse gets flushed into the sewer and realizes how lonely he used to be and how much he enjoys the company of other sewer mice. This is a story well-fed movie stars and such people love to tell themselves — that they'd leave behind their lives of luxury for a stinking hovel if it were for love and family. Ha. I'm officially worn out from all the crappy, animated, yapping-critter movies that have been released this year. I'm fed up. And this one shares way too much plot in common with the recent rash of them (domestic animal gets tossed into the wild and learns important stuff) to get away with it. But … it's smarter than all the other 2006 animated movies, save for Barn Yard. It's from Aardman, the people responsible for the Wallace & Gromit shorts, Curse of the Were-Rabbit and Chicken Run. In fact, see whether you can count all the references to W&G hidden in about half a dozen different scenes. From 1 to10 I give it an 8. Logan's favorite part of the movie was when the bad guy's were chasing the good guys, trying to get them. And he liked the fighting.

Well, that's about it for this entry. Next Thursday is Thanksgiving as well as my 38th birthday, so the blog will be all about...me. LOL. Anyway, spread the word and not the turd. Here's another random pic...

 

 

 

 

You Must Go

When that howling wind comes to carry you again, just like your next of kin, you must go. To a far away place where you don't recognize one face, don't unpack your old suitcase cause you must go. You must go and you must ramble. Through every briar and bramble, till your life is in a shambles. Maybe then you will know you were born to blunder, born to wander, born to wonder, even when you're six feet under there's place
that you must go. It is something you done, are you loyal to no one, turn your back on the sun and you must go. It it something she said, you keep this all up in your head, now your face is turning red, and you must go. Love is in the air you can smell it everywhere.
Its in your clothes, it's in her hair. Ah, you better get out of there. It's gonna take a midnight train to straighten out your winding brain, like a snake in the rain. You must go.

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile. First things first, some business to clear up. Last Thursday I said that Jen was in labor for 25 hours with our son Logan, when actually it was 26 hours I was told. Symatics. With that said and done, the GOP is concerned about Republican voter turnout. Right now instead they have a congressman and a preacher that are coming out instead of turning out. Pastor Ted Haggard has stepped down from his position. He was thought to be a George Bush Republican. Instead it turned out he was a George Michael Republican. Saddam Hussein was found guilty in Iraq and sentenced to death. Saddam should have taken my advice. I told him to get a good Jewish lawyer but he wouldn’t listen. They are going to make a movie about him. Saddam Hussein:Well Hung. In 1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected in a three way race. President Bush today said that he admired Lincoln. Because of inventing the penny. The Lincoln Town Car. And of course because of Lincoln Logs. The NBA season is one week old. So far no pregnancies. There was a huge accident today. Apparently a bunch of Republican candidates trying to distance themselves from President Bush ran into a bunch of Democrat candidates trying to distance themselves from John Kerry. They just collided in the middle. It was gruesome. John Kerry has since apologized for screwing up a joke about President Bush that offended our troops. How do you screw up a Bush joke? That’s like screwing up a Clinton sex joke. KFC said today that they are no longer using transfat in their batter. They have switched to Mobile 1. Well, friends, you did it! The impossible has happened: A majority of Americans have soundly and forcefully removed Bush's party from control of the House of Representatives. And the same miracle has happened in the Senate. The American people have made two things crystal clear: End this war, and stop Mr. Bush from doing any more damage to this country we love. That is what this election was about. Nothing else. Just that. And it's a message that has sent shock waves throughout Washington -- and a note of hope around this troubled world. Now the real work begins. Unless we stay on top of these Democrats to do the right thing, they will do what they've always done: Screw it up. Big Time. They helped Bush start this war, and now they should make amends. But let's take a day to rejoice and revel in a rare victory for our side -- the side that doesn't believe in unprovoked invasions of other countries. This is your time, my friends. You have worked hard for it. I can't tell you how proud I am to count all of you as part of the greater American mainstream we now occupy. Thank you for all the time you gave this week to get out the vote. If you want to do one thing today, send an email or a letter to both of your senators and your member of Congress and tell them, in no uncertain terms, what this election means: End the war -- and don't let George W. Bush get away with any more of his bright ideas. Congratulations, again! Now let's go find a spine for the Dems to do the job we've sent them there to do. Okay, I'll get off my political soap box for now, and concentrate on the comedy again. Not bad for a British, guy, right?

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY 

Another week, another 36-minute delay for the start of The Amazing Race. Instead of Phil, there’s a newsworthy profile of Russell Crowe. Sigh. CBS just hates us. Speaking of hate, teams that hated each other were forced to work together this week as the show introduced a new twist. Here’s this week’s installment of stupid things they said: Eric and Jeremy raised the bar last season for homoerotic comments and double-entendre. But sometimes, Tyler andJames—mostly James—gives off a less-than-heterosexual vibe, and I’m not just talking about when Rob called him a “stallion.” But tonight Tyler did so with two sentences, although each was capped with a three-word phrase (“in our team”) that effectively neutered the secondary meaning: “You know, there are certain times when James is more passive in our relationship—in our team,” he said. “I feel like I need to take responsibility and step up in the dominant role—in our team.” David and Mary seem to be devolving into third graders as the race progresses. On the plane to Madagascar, David whined, “I ain’t never sit in a window yet. It’s my turn.” Kimberly wanted to know how people in Madagascar survived, because “breathing in exhaust is bad for you, right?” Dr. Rob, M.F.er, explained this to her as if he was so, so smart and she was so, so dumb: “Babe, they die a lot younger than we do, that’s what happens. Most of them don’t get enough protein, so their brains don’t develop as much. Brain needs protein.” And your brain needs a lobotomy. Phil explained the Intersection, “a new twist in the race. [Teams] must join forces with another team, then perform all tasks and make all decisions together until further notice.” This is kind of annoying, since one of the race’s strengths over 10 seasons has been that teams compete independently. Alas, I guess this is just my reality TV conservatism. I breathed into a paper bag for 10 minutes and all was okay. At the Intersection, when the blondes read that they’d have to wait for another team to join up with, one of them said, “Are we the last team?” Of course, that’d be impossible, since if all teams—oh hell, why am I trying to explain her lack of logic? She’s just dumb. Phil kept referring to the “newly joined teams,” which sounded kind of dirty. Faced with choosing a Detour task, one of the blondes said to their new partners, the Cho brothers, “You are Asian—we could make paper! Ha ha ha!” One of the brothers said, exasperated, “Just go.” And the Weirdest Metaphor of the Episode award goes to Mary: Regarding the Detour task, which involved covering mattresses, she said it was just “like a little girl’s panty hose.” Tyler and James, and Rob and Kimberly, did the Fast Forward together, eating plates of cow lips. They were super-confident that they were far ahead of all the other teams. Ofcourse, they weren’t. “The other teams cannot be ahead of us, unless they ran a miracle,” Tyler said. His overconfidence and the editing combined to seem like one of those times when the editors were faking us out, but no: Dustin and Kandice actually checked in first. “You guys beat the Fast Forward team here,” Phil told them, although after the two girls hugged him and squished his face in between theirs, he probably wanted to say, “Would someone please get me Wet One so I can wash this Dustin and Kandice off my face?” Phil’s facial expressions deserve an Emmy. When Godwin dove onto the mat, and asked him, “Am I safe?”, Phil communicated through his eyebrows alone, “Safe from ridicule for being such a gigantic twit? No.” Despite being marked for elimination, Mary helped Lyn and Karlyn, their best friends on the race—and the last-place team. “I’m not going to change who I am as a person; I’ve made friends well worth more than a million dollars in this race. I’m not going to become a devil just for the money. It’s not worth it to me,” Mary said. The 30-minute penalty led to their elimination, as Lyn and Karlyn checked in 10 minutes after David and Mary showed up at the pit stop. They all had a good cry, and then Mary did her best to make us cry with a moving speech. “I don’t have to be stuck in one place,” she said. “That I need to get out and take my kids to see the world. I don’t want my kids to be like me; I want ‘em to experience life, because I never experienced life.” David and Mary won’t have to return home to their trailer with only $6,000 to show for their appearance on the series. That’s because, on The View, Rosie O’Donnell praised the couple for being so friendly and polite to the other teams on Amazing Race and to strangers they encountered along the way” and then rewarded them with a limited edition Ford Explorer. Rosie also “told them their trailer home in Stone, Kentucky will be replaced by a new single-family house” and “urged them to donate their trailer to a family that needs it.” They also received “a MacBook computer; a Canon Rebel digital camera; trips to San Diego, Disneyland and the Grand Canyon; [and] a cruise with Rosie O’Donnell’s travel company.”

Seven weeks after Survivor Cook Islands began, one of the tribes finally voted out a white person. The contestants eliminated up to this point were all of color, but that streak was broken with the eighth person to bevoted off the island, Jessica (aka Flica). At Tribal Council, Jeff Probst did his best to pretend that the tribes had not decimated nearly one whole ethnicity’s representatives (Aitu, the Latinos, who only have one player left), and instead suggested that they were now one big, happy melting pot. “Look at this group tonight: at least one member from all four of the original ethnic groups,” he said. “And yet, I don’t have any sense that plays any part in this tribe.”What he should have said was, “Why have you assclowns not yet voted out a white person, especially the white guy who’s been on CSI and is a crazy-ass threat to all of the rest of you?” Anyway, here’s how we stand after week seven, ranking the tribes by the number of people voted off by original tribe membership: Aitu (Latino): 4,  Hiki (black): 2,  Puka (Asian): 1,  Raro (white): 1.

SHARPENING AXES

Animals can rain from the sky. Raining animals is a relatively common meteorological phenomenon, with occurrences reported from many countries throughout history. The animals most likely to drop from the sky in a rainfall are fish and frogs, with birds coming third. Sometimes the animals survive the fall, especially fish, suggesting a small time gap between the extraction and the actual drop. Several witnesses of raining frogs describe the animals as startled, though healthy, and exhibiting relatively normal behavior shortly after the event. In some incidents, however, the animals are frozen to death or even completely enclosed in blocks of ice. These occurrences may be evidence for the transport of the victims to high altitudes, where the temperature is below zero, and they show how powerful meteorological forces can be. Most recent occurrences include the rain of frogs and toads in Serbia (2005) and London (1998), and rains of fish in India (2006) and Wales (2004). In Honduras, the Lluvia de Peces (Rain of Fishes) is a unique phenomenon that has been occurring for more than a century on a yearly basis in the country of Honduras. It occurs in the Departamento de Yoro, between the months of May and July. Witnesses of this phenomenon state that it begins with is a dark cloud in the sky followed by lightning, thunder, strong winds and heavy rain for 2 to 3 hours. Once the rain has stopped, hundreds of living fish are found on the ground. People take the fish home to cook and eat them.Although some experts have tried to explain the Rain of Fishes as a natural meteorological phenomenon, the fish are not sea water fish, but fresh water fish; they are not dead, but alive; they are not blind, they have eyes; they are not big fish, but small; and the type of fish is not found elsewhere in the area. There is no valid scientific explanation for this phenomenon. Many people believe this phenomenon occurs because of Father José Manuel Subirana, a Spanish catholic missionary and considered by many to be a Saint. He visited Honduras from 1856-1864, and upon encountering so many poor people, prayed for 3 days and 3 nights asking God for a miracle to help the poor people by providing food. The Rain of Fishes has occurred ever since.

CANNED LAUGHTER

This week's Canned Laughter is brought to you by none other then John Kerry as he tries to tell other jokes. 1) Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? A: 10, but 15 if the blondes are some of our nation's farmers. 2) Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults constituents! Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults const—SENIOR CITIZENS ARE LAZY! 3) Last night I had this dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone! I'm thinking it was probably stolen by a WWII veteran and sold for drugs. 4) A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Get out. God is dead and religion is the opiate of the masses.” 5) Q: How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator? A: By the footprints in the ashes of 911 victims. I mean, 911 victims' pizza. Wait a second. Just pizza. 6) Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire? A: A teacher who gives blood tests, but remains employed due to the strength of corrupt unions. 7) Take my wife, please. Seriously, women are useless. 8) Three men are stranded on an island when they find an old lamp. They rub it. Suddenly, a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes to be off the island and, poof, he's gone. The second man wishes to be off the island, and poof, he's gone. The third man says, “Gee, I'm really lonely. I wish the Jews wouldn't start all the wars in the world.” 9) Awaiter brings a restaurant patron a bowl of soup. The patron notices a fly and says, “Hey, there's a fly in my soup.” The waiter replies, “Yes. Unfortunately our chef is Latino.” 10) Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To head into the army recruiting office so he could fight in Iraq. Oh, wait. I told that wrong. I forgot to say the chicken was retarded. There you have it. Thanks to John Kerry for sending me those jokes. He told more jokes then I did all year!

SEARCH ENGINE

http://www.guessthelogo.com/ How well can you recognize logos?

TODAY IN HISTORY

1888: Mary Jane Kelly, a 25 year old hooker, falls victim to Jack the Ripper. Mary's face had been mutilated; her breasts had been removed and she had been disemboweled. Her various internal organs were scattered about. 1953: Dylan Thomas drinks himself to death. 1971: John Emil List, a "deeply religious" Lutheran, kills his mother, wife, and three teenage children. He is not found until 1988, living with a new improved family as Robert P. Clark in Richmond Virginia.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

The Ewe, The Kurd, His Fine And Her Lover: Factory worker Hidyat Amin — who came to Britain from Iraq — romped with the sheep in a farm shed. The 30-year-old Kurd was trapped by DNA evidence after his underpants and socks were found at the scene. Shocked farmer Frank Davidson said: “The ewe was not very well and not very happy.” He told cops he feared “something funny” was going on involving his sheep and Shetland ponies. A man had been seen acting suspiciously under a full moon and was spotted several times previously lurking in the farmyard. On one occasion he casually smoked a cigarette before driving off, Hull Crown Court heard. The sheep and a ram had been isolated as part of treatment for foot rot, at Mr Davidson’s farm in Preston, East Yorks. He said he had found pants and socks nearby on THREE occasions as well as bread crumbs — apparently used to entice the animals. Amin was found guilty by a jury of having sex with an animal. Prosecutor Caroline Wigin said DNA swabs suggested a billion to one chance it was not him. Amin, who fears deportation after three years in the UK, was sentenced to six months’ jail. But he could be out next week because of time already spent behind bars. Judge Michael Mettyear told him: “The suspicion is that your offending was not limited to this one offence.”

THE IDIOT'S LANTERN

CBS will split the first season of its nuclear-holocaust drama Jericho into two half-seasons of all-original episodes, following a similar programming strategy by ABC's Lost. The Hollywood Reporter said that the first half of Jericho's freshman season will end Nov. 29 with a cliffhanger finale. The series, starring Skeet Ulrich, will return Feb. 14, 2007, with a recap of the first 11 episodes, followed by a new episode every Wednesday for the rest of the season. The split is designed to avoid repeating episodes, a la Lost, which ended the first half of its season on Nov. 8 and will disappear from the airwaves before returning in February. The pattern also mirrors the fall/spring season scheduling for Fox's Prison Break, which was introduced last year.
ABC will air Shrek the Halls, an original animated special from DreamWorks Animation SKG based on the hit Shrek movies, in December. ABC is developing the half-hour special as a perennial holiday entertainment. Shrek the Halls features Shrek (Mike Myers), Fiona (Cameron Diaz), Donkey (Eddie Murphy), Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) and their fairy-tale buddies in a story that puts a twist on holiday traditions. The special will be directed by Gary Trousdale (Beauty and the Beast) and produced by Teresa Cheng (Madagascar) and Gina Shay (The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie). Meanwhile, ABC said it will air the broadcast television premiere of Shrek 2 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on Nov. 24.

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

Words I never, ever wanted to go through my brain: "This picture is making me feel a bit aroused by Boba Fett."

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3; The countdown to the trailer has begun. Maybe I need to get a hobby, because I feel like a loser for being this excited about the premiere of a trailer. Has anyone tried knitting? There's no way I'd be a loser if I took up knitting, right?

Casino Royale: One U.K. paper says "you'll be blown away," another boasts that Craig is "the best Bond since Connery" and there's a fanatic who will regret claiming, "He's the best Bond ever." To cap off the raves, there's also something about 007 "getting his unmentionables whipped by a man with a thick rope." Uh, I guess that's good.

Evan Almighty: It's not a good sign when the most exciting thing in the trailer is watching Steve Carell's beard grow.

Number 23: The trailer devolves into weird conspiracy theories after 2.3 seconds. The price of a ticket is $11 + parking and a soda = 23 bucks. Coincidence? Probably. Speed Racer: The Matrix guys will direct, so that means Speed Racer will get off to a fast start, the middle of the race will be a wreck and he'll run out of gas at the finish. The Dark Knight: The latest Harvey Dent/Two-Face casting rumor: Ethan Hawke. On a sorta related note, remember when Winona Ryder chose slacker-dude Ethan in Reality Bites? That was soooo lame. She totally should have gone with Ben Stiller. Duh! Bee Movie: When you're as rich as Jerry Seinfeld, it's probably not all that hard to convince Chris Rock to humiliate himself by dressing up in a mosquito costume. Rambo IV: The Serpent's Eye: The Thai film commission warned Sly to avoid damaging the jungle during filming and to "go easy on the violence." They didn't say a word about not sucking, though. Well, that's it for a full Peverett Phile this week. Please check out the latest pics at webshots of Logan's 7th birthday party. And the page before has some other pictures from the Minneola Fall Fest Logan and I went to. I will leave you with a new random pic. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

 

 

 

 

 

A Peverett Phile Extra

Friends,

Tomorrow night, those who sent 2,800 of our soldiers to their deaths -- all because of a lie the president concocted -- will find out if America chooses to reward them -- or remove them. As good as things look for the Democrats, do not pop the corks and start the partying yet. Do not believe for a second that the Republicans plan on losing. They will fight like dogs for the next 24 hours -- relentless, unforgiving, nonstop action to squeeze every last conservative voter out of the house on election day. While the rest of us go about our day today, tens of thousands of Republican volunteers are knocking on doors, making phone calls, and lining up rides to the polls. They're not sleeping, they're not eating, they're not even watching Fox News. A day without Fox News? That's right, that's how insanely dedicated they are. But the reason they have to work so hard is that, before they can get the vote out, they first have to completely turn around the massive public opinion against them. Almost 60% disapprove of Bush. Over 60% are opposed to the war. Those are landslide numbers. And the American people are not going to turn pro-war or into Bush-lovers by tomorrow morning. So it should be easy for us, right?Yup. Just like it was when we won the popular vote in 2000 and when we were ahead in the exit polls all day long in 2004. You know the deal -- the other side takes no prisoners. And just when it seems like things are going our way, the Republicans suddenly, mysteriously win the election. Well, it's not really that mysterious. They're out there busting their asses this very minute, right down the street from you. What are YOU doing? You're on a computer reading my cranky letter! Stop reading this! We have only a few hours left to wrestle control of the Congress away from these "representatives" who, if returned, will continue shipping our young men and women over there to die. Here's what I'm imploring you to do right now:

1. Go through your address book on your cell phone and computer and call/e-mail everyone you know. Tell them how much it would mean to you if they vote on Tuesday. If they don't know where to vote, help them find their polling place.

2. Contact MoveOn.org ASAP. They will connect you to the folks who need you to make calls.

3. Contact your local Democratic Party headquarters. There are close races in nearly every state. They'll put you to work -- on the ground or on the phones. Or go to the local HQ for the Dem candidate running for the House of Representatives or the U.S. Senate and say, "Put me to work!"

OK, turn off the computer -- and I will, too. There's serious work to do. The good news? There's more of us than there are of them. Let's prove that, once and for all. Is there anything more important that you have to do today? Nothing less than the rest of the world is depending on us.

Yours,

Jason Peverett.