Yo Ho, Yo Ho!

Ay, swabbies. Welcome to another Peverett Phile. Tomorrow Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest comes out. I was thinking, if they really wanted me to see it they should of called it Pirates of the Caribbean: Keira Knightley's Chest. And who said Disney wasn't into piracy? You can't walk anywhere at Disney World without seeing skull and crossbones. Well, big news from the Hubble telescope. Last Friday astronomers say it has pictures of a star self destructing. But enough about Star Jones. More problems today for the "View”. Did you see what happened? To which most guys said, "Finally, now I can watch the show.” So, President Bush took Japanese’s Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum. To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He’s had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives. The senate has held hearings on President Bush’s use of "signing statements”. Do you know what that is? It’s a proclamation which lets the president sign a bill and limit what parts apply to him. The Democrats are acting like this is something new. It’s not. It’s the same thing Bill Clinton used when he signed his marriage license. A prominent polish politician in Poland, escaped a drunk driving arrest after he told the police he was only using vodka as a mouthwash. And today, Patrick Kennedy said, "That’s what happened to me." According to the "New York Post”, Michael Jackson announced that he may be moving to Paris. Well you thought the French hated us before. They’ll probably think he is one of those mimes.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Give your loved ones a kiss and a hug, fill your pets’ bowls with water and food, and say goodbye to your summer: Big Brother 7 debuted tonight at 8 p.m. ET on CBS, and many people won’t see the light of day until it ends in about three months. Thanks to the super-obsessive freaks who are already monitoring the offline video feeds from inside the house, we already know the identities of the 14 all-star houseguests, six of whom were selected by viewers. On tonight’s pre-taped show, Julie Chen will send them into the house, and the other six will go home with only their delusions of fame. The series will air every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday at 8, a slightly different schedule this year. And, of course, there are the live feeds, available with a RealNetworks subscription, which this year comes with “blogs, chats, message boards, polls and other interactive features,” according to a press release, ensuring that you’ll never leave your computer. The best and worst thing about Big Brother is that, sometime during the next three months, some crazy shit is going to go down, and missing one minute means missing everything. And try as you might, no non-watcher will understand you when you babble excitedly about the incident where someone got plastered with NyQuil, molested an electric toothbrush and used a knife with their flirtations, all while a crazy diminutive cult leader crazy gets thrown out of the house and then burned by America. It’s time for the insanity to begin.

TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK

I used to love to play Scrabble with my grandparents. And I was thinking, I had some really, really bad Scrabble hands in the past. Here are a few you don't want to end up with: Y Y M Q I I A, U U I A I U I, Q U U M W R Z, L E E E A A R. If I think of more I will post them in the next blog.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS 

A TOP classical violinist killed himself by severing every vein and artery in his neck as he attempted to cut off his head with an electric circular saw. Divorced alcoholic Laurence Rowden-Martin, 48, was found in his blood-soaked bath after being seen drunkenly taking the tool into his Sheffield flat. An inquest heard police halted a murder probe after learning he'd suffered mental problems since a nerve condition ended his career. Verdict: Suicide.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet up. The bear says, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear." The lion says, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me." "Big deal!'' says the chicken. "All I have to do is cough, and the entire planet craps itself."

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the most commonly heard redneck defense in court? A: "Honest, your honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A: Shoot him again.

BROKEN

Note the third option: "Unlimited toppings"! Wow! Except that right under it, in parentheses, it says "Maximum five toppings per pizza." That's not so unlimited.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

This is the answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy.

 

Now, what is this weeks?

 

P.P.T.V.

water trap see for yourself. Very funny!

John Hiatt - Austin City Limits John Hiatt on Austin City Limits. To see more check out AustinCityLimitsDVD.com (John Hiatt is one of my all-time favorite singers)

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3: I haven't read this list of spoilers. Supposedly, it's pretty much the whole damn plot, beat by beat, including the mystery villain cameo in the last scene. I won't read it. I can't. It'd be wrong to walk into the best movie of 2007 already knowing the beginning, middle and end, right? Must. Not. Click …

 

Transformers: The ridiculous teaser takes place on Mars and has a theme song that sounds like a B-side from a Damn Yankees album. But Michael Bay's blog says that "none of the Mars story, launch footage and rover footage is going to be in the movie." Huh?

 

Wolverine: A script review details the evolution of Wolverine from moody adolescent — there's a great scene in which 12-year-old Logan kicks the crap out of some high-school football jocks — to adamantium-clad Weapon X rage-aholic.

 

Hulk 2: The last time we saw Dr. Banner, he was hiding out in the Latin American rainforest. So, in a way, it makes sense that the leading candidate to replace Erica Bana is George of the Jungle.

 

Clerks 2: The trailer's rated R for "mature" content — you know, like goin' all the way with donkeys and pontificating about the sex lives of hobbits.

 

Casino Royale: Twenty minutes were screened at the Cinema Expo in Amsterdam. Guess it makes sense to generate buzz by testing a clip in front of a bunch of stoners. The only potential danger: employees at the snack counter trampled by munchies-plagued fans who absolutely must have nachos right now.

 

Zoom: A Cliff's Notes version of the trailer: Take the remedial students at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters — like, say, a kid whose superpower is inflating his butt — and throw them into the plot of Armageddon.

 

GEEK TALK

 

Superman Returns has already been in theaters for a week, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest will join it tomorrow, so of course there's only one thing on the suits' minds: How can we make money from those guys next?! Returns director Bryan Singer says he's heard the rumblings about a Superman vs. Batman finally getting under way, though he argues that the Man of Steel needs a few more solos under his belt first. But he did admit that, if such a match-up were to happen, it would be the Dark Knight who would be the baddie. Regardless, Singer says he's pretty sure there'll be another Superman. "Everybody's excited to do more." … Meanwhile, with the only question surrounding Pirates 2 dealing with by just how large of a margin the Johnny Depp adventure will rule this weekend's box office, the star is talking about his next big thing, which likely will be a reteaming with Edward Scissorhands director Tim Burton for a movie version of the Broadway hit Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. "I sure hope it happens," Depp told MTV News, "because, God — just to go back to work for Tim again, it'd be our sixth movie together. It's looking very good."

 

And now, the review of Superman Returns. Are you trying to tell me that Margot Kidder was so busy that they couldn't get her to show up as Lois Lane's mom or something? And that's really my only beef. Because I loved this movie. Not in the gay way or anything. Because Superman's not gay, as gay director Bryan Singer has gone on record as saying. Good thing we've cleared up that burning international issue.  Summer movie audiences' expectations have been moron-ed to infinity and beyond by Hollywood. They now assume films will be pure sensation without humanity and actually get upset when it's not on the menu. Well, dig it, dumb people. This is a Superman movie that gives you its biggest bang early in the film. Not that the rest is boring. It's just that this isn't about "Look what Superman can do!" It's got all the heart and soul that's been missing from every other superhero movie that isn't about the X-Men. Kevin Spacey's maniacally mean Lex Luthor was brilliant. He made the movie, and I could tell in some scenes he was impersonating Gene Hackman playing Lex Luthor. Parker Posey as his sidekick Kitty is very, very Parker Posey-ish (and that's awesome), and Eva Marie Saint, in her small role as Mrs. Kent, is sweet and sad. Brandon Routh makes a very decent cape guy, and only Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane seems slightly less than sturdy. But not by much. If you're a Man of Steel–obsessed person, you'll be pleased to know that certain things that only you will get have been included. For example, watch forthe re-creation of the cover of Action Comics No. 1. The opening credits will make fans of the 1978 movie very happy. And watch for cameos by Noel Neill and Jack Larson (from the '50s TV show; they were Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, respectively). See what I mean about the lack of Margot Kidder?  There's a horrifying plane-in-peril scene that will make you wet your pants. I only say this because I'm one of you, and for a few seconds, it thought I was watching United 93. Then, when that part's over, you'll be like, "Where are the snakes?" From 1 to 10, I give it a 9. Logan did go see it with me and he loved it. He said "whoa" when the young Clark Kent was jumping into the sky and the first time at the movies, he turned to me and said, "I want to see this again."

 

Well, there you go, another Phile. Check out the webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs I posted pictures from Logan and my trip to Epcot last Friday. This weekend I don't know what we're doing, but seeing Pirates is on the list. Remember, spread the word and not the turd. I will leave you with a random pic. Savvy?