Hello, there, welcome to the Phile on Halloween! I feel like a big giant banana for some reason. At least I'm appealing. I hope people mistakenly believe my crappy, last-minute, thrown-together Halloween costume is supposed to be Lady Gaga. If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween, just log back in to Google Plus. The scariest thing about Halloween is that stores are already selling Christmas merchandise. Actually, nothing on Halloween will be scarier than this election. Just a reminder, kids, that this year we should only fear the sight of one scary clown...
It's the great Trumpkin! You know who needs more attention? Donald Trump. It's like you barely ever hear about this guy anymore. Thankfully, Ohio artist and hero Jeanette Paras has put the poor guy back in the spotlight with her news-making Donald Trump pumpkin. Sure, we've seen Trumpkins before, but Paras took this shit next level by transforming a 374-lb pumpkin into Trump's noggin. It's reportedly still slightly smaller than his actual head, which is freakin' huge.
Paras, who's been cranking out celebrity pumpkins since before Taylor Swift was born, said the Trumpkin took her over 10-hours to paint, and she used six blonde wigs to replicate The Donald's signature comb-over. Paras Pumpkins, you're fired. Just kidding, Trumpkin for President!
This is 22-year-old Brooke Bogin.
This pic is the epitome of Taylor Swift's "22." As a senior at James Madison University, Brooke has left her parents all alone to do whatever they wanted for Halloween, and what they wanted was to start enjoying their wild side. Brooke's dad and came up with this pun-tastic couple's Halloween costume, and well...
Wait for it... Pickle deer? Cucumber Bambi? Almost... It's a Dill cucumber and a doe. Dildo. Get it?While a lot of kids would be hiding in their dorms until Halloween was over, Brooke tweeted out their costume proudly, and her familial admiration was rewarded with 18K retweets and over 54K likes. Thanks to Brooke and her parents, this could become the couple's costume of the year. More than just copying the costume idea, people are excited about copying the successful marriage. Congrats, adorable family. You not only proved that people still love puns, but that dildos can definitely help a marriage.
Halloween 2016 was shaping up to be pretty awful... nothing but Harambe and Ken Bone costumes... but this teenager took one for the team and got her head stuck in a gigantic pumpkin while carving jack-o'-lanterns.
For this brave service, we cannot hope to thank her enough. Behold, in an instant classic of seasonal virality, her struggle to gain freedom from the monstrous gourd as the rest of the family laughs and sort of, kind of, barely even pretends to help. But fear not! She did escape, and, although pouty, did not seem too much the worse for wear. As for the brother who then dared to try the pumpkin on for himself, claiming that his head was smaller than his sister's, well... R.I.P.
It's Halloween today and you still might not have a costume ready for your kids. I gave you some advice a week ago or so on what you should do, but in case you missed that here's some more easy children's Halloween costumes for the DIY-challenged. For a burrito wrap foil around child until child is not visible. How about a generic superhero? Use a Sharpie to draw first letter of child's name on an old pillowcase. Tie pillowcase around child's neck. This costume also builds character. Add goggles if you're some kind of creative genius. Olympic swimmer? Bathing suit. Just throw a coat on top if it's cold out. Overprotected child? Helmet, knee pads, participation trophy. Bonus: your kid will be really safe all night. If you go as the kid's helicopter mom, it's a two-for-one deal. How about a Fireman? Start a small fire in a room in your house you don't use very much. When firemen arrive, ask if you can borrow their hat and place hat on child. Take some photos to send to grandma. Here's a good one... Extraterrestrial masquerading as a human to gather intelligence on our species. Just put on ordinary street clothes with something slightly amiss, like a sweater worn inside-out. Or whatever your child actually wants to be this year Drive to store, purchase costume. Eat candy. Congrats, you're the mom of the year.
The only thing worse than getting raisins while trick-or-treating would be given this fake 1 million dollar bill that tells you that you're going to hell. Also, apples.
Anti-Halloween creationist groups are hawking these fake bills to children who show up for candy on Halloween night, and although the dinosaur on the front is pretty neat, the message on the back is really scary... and not in the good way. 'Have you ever lied? Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you? Have you always obeyed your parents? If you have ever hated someone, the Bible says that's like committing murder in your heart. The Ten Commandments show us how bad we really are, and they are the standard God will use to judge our lives. One day, God will punish all people who have broken any of the Ten Commandments. They will be sent to a place called 'hell,' a really bad place that you don't want to go to." In other words: no fun allowed. Well, that's one way to ensure your house gets egged. Parents, make sure while you are checking your kid's candy that you also keep your eyes peeled for propaganda handed out by religious zealots!
You know, nothing says "Florida" quite like flamingo Halloween decorations...
Crazy Florida. I mentioned the Trumpkins already, which is this years newest trend. Well, here's another one...
That's pretty good. Yes, I'm a giant banana this Halloween but I had another great idea that someone already took...
I just don't have the arse for it. Guess what Hillary Clinton is dressing up as today...
Bring me assange and the Wiki. Ha! Hey, Donald Trump has a new movie out!
Hmmmm. And now for some sad news...
September 26th, 1918 — October 27th, 2016
Ex-Zacherle the Dead Ghoul now.
Ha! If you can spot this Mindphuck please let me know.
It's 11:20 a.m., 78° and Kelly went as Sia for Halloween, and Kelly didn't just dress up as Sia... She sang like her, too.
Halloween is an annual holiday celebrated by pretending to be a person you're not somewhere other than on your resume.
Today's guest is a member of the babd Bones Howell whose CD "Whose Voodoo" is available on iTunes and Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile... Bones Howell.
Me: Hello, Bones, welcome to the Phile. Happy Halloween.
Bones: Happy Halloween.
Me: So, did you know there's a band from Williamsburg called Bones Howell? They were originally The Volunteers but changed their name.
Bones: The Volunteers was a band that some of the members of Bones Howell, including myself was a part of.
Me: Ahhh. Well, you did a cool song called "Fuck My Ghost." So, again I'm confused about the band name... Bones Howell is not your band name but your name, right?
Bones: Bones Howell is a band as well as my name. It's not the same group as The Volunteers.
Me: Ahhh... Anyway, I do like "Fuck My Ghost."
Bones: Thanks for appreciating our song "Fuck My Ghost."
Me: So, you changed the band name?
We had to change our name to Bones Howell due to the impossibility to find the band Volunteers on Google or Yahoo search. Plus there were a few other bands before and after us who are calling themselves The Volunteers however Bones Howell is a name completely unique to our band and we feel it is much more fitting to our sound anyways.
Me: That makes sense. So, who else is in the band?
Bones: Dark Cave, Woodchip and Tomer are in the band. We also have a guest collaborator on drums named George Gavin.
Me: I take it those are not their real names. LOL. Where is the band based, Bones?
Bones: We are based in Brooklyn.
Me: Is that where you are originally from?
Me: I downloaded your cover of Bauhaus' "Hair of the Dog" and think you should cover Nazareth's "Hair of the Dog" song as well. What do you think?
Bones: We do are not interested in covering any Nazareth songs at this time thanks.
Me: How did you choose to cover that song, Bones?
Bones: The Bauhaus cover was something we were asked to do by Daniel Ash management as part of an upcoming Bauhaus tribute album.
Me: And you worked with Daniel Ash as well, right? Did he produce the song, or anything else?
Bones: Around that same time we had the opportunity to work with Daniel Ash on a remix of one of our songs "Nephritis."
Me: You guys have a new album called "Whose Voodoo" which I really liked. Did you produce it yourself?
Bones: I produced it myself and engineered it myself with the help of a handful of talented people. We ended up at Sunset Sound in Los Angeles California with Joe Chiccarelli as mix engineer.
Me: You guys had a few problems getting the album made is that right?
Bones: "Whose Voodoo" was made with major label money to the tune of 150K. We were dropped from our label a few days before the album was getting ready for completion. After much legal wrangling and carrot dangling the label granted us full ownership of the masters to our record on the condition that we do not discuss the case or publicly name the record label in question. Thankfully by the time we were dropped our album was already mixed to analog tape at Sunset Sound by mix legend Joe Chiccarelli and mastered by mastering goddess Emily Lazar. Maybe our former record company does not know it, but we know that our album is one of the greatest unreleased albums of all time. The emotional depth and veracity of every single song on this record is stunning. There is no other band in existence that sounds like Bones Howell. We have no peers.
Me: Well, congrats. I watched the video for your song "BBQ" and it looked like it was a lot of fun to make. Was it?
Bones: The video for "BBQ" was extremely fun to make, the director Gabe Rosenn did a great job of making our ideas come to life.
Me: What was the concept of it, Bones?
Bones: The concept was G.G. Allin crashes a hipster barbecue.
Me: Do you like making videos?
Bones: I absolutely do like making videos. Its a great way to get the musical concept across with a visual element.
Me: I imagine your shows are high energy. What is a normal show of Bones Howell like, Bones?
Bones: Our shows are extremely high energy. There is no such thing as a normal Bones Howell show because we are totally insane.
Me: Okay, I know you know don't like doing interviews so I really appreciate you being here for this Halloween entry. Please come back when the new album comes out and I wish you lots of luck and continued success and please come down to Florida to play.
Bones: Thank you for your kind words and support!
Me: All the best, and take care.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Bones Howell for a short but great interview. He doesn't do too many. The Phile will be back on Thursday with Phile Alum Richard Rivera, the creator of the comic book "Stabbity Bunny." Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a safe Halloween. Now I'm gonna act like a banana and split.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker