Thursday, February 22, 2007

03687 Days Since The Last Time I Gave A Shit

Are you ready? Are you ready for one of the most read blogs on the internet? Welcome to the Peverett Phile, back on Thursday again. This week's entry is sponsored by Hovan: the white man's burrito. So, did you hear about the mummified man on Long Island who was watching tv? The real test for that mummified guy comes on Sunday. We’ll see if he can make it through the Academy Awards. The other day I was going to eat some peanut butter when I thought to myself, 'what would Britney do?' I cannot believe the whole peanut butter deal. I blame JetBlue. JetBlue has apologized now for stranding thousands of passengers and today, JetBlue's president introduced a passenger bill of rights. First on the list is "You have the right to fly Delta and United.” The White House denied an assertion by Sen. Harry Reid that the Iraq war is the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history. The White House said, "You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.” Earlier this week, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded. Presidential hopeful Barack Obama held a big fund raiser the other night. Everyone was there; Spielberg was there; Clooney was there; Anniston was there . . . I was unable to make it. I understand why a presidential hopeful would want Hollywood support. It’s crucial; you’re gonna need it. Let’s not forget Barbra Streisand almost single-handedly put President Kerry in the White House. There’s a lot of buzz about Barack Obama. There was a lot of buzz about Snakes in a Plane as well. Barack Obama has admitted smoking pot and doing cocaine. He’s admitted it! You’re gonna need a squeeky clean record to get elected. George W. Bush would never have been elected if he had ever done cocaine . . .  Some good news on disgraced Rev. Ted Haggert. Remember this guy? He resigned after America learned that he bought methamphetamines and had a lot of gay sex with a male prostitute. Two weeks ago he announced he is no longer gay. There’s been a lot of skepticism about this. He silenced critics today with the release of an incredible video tape. "It’s Ted Haggert as you’ve never seen him before. Straight! Watch the reverend prove his heterosexuality in 90 minutes of hot steamy reverend-on-wife action with absolutely no gayness! Just as the Lord intended.” Here’s something ugly. In the year 2036, an asteroid’s gonna hit. The question President Bush has been asking himself all day is, "Where is Superman?” Michael Jackson is reportedly upset because he was unable to get tickets to the NBA All-Star Game. However, Michael felt better about missing the game after someone explained to him that Jason Kidd is actually a grown man. One of the male contestants on "American Idol" is being criticized because he once posed nude for a magazine. Meanwhile, Paula Abdul is being criticized because she once posed nude for a shot of Jager. This weekend President Bush gave a speech honoring Abraham Lincoln's birthday. There was an awkward moment when Bush referred to Lincoln as "the guy who invented the penny."  The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the Senate by her husband Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, "I dream of replacing Hillary every day." For the first time ever, New Jersey allowed homosexuals to enter into civil unions. Now they just have to find a homosexual who will admit to living in New Jersey. Over the weekend, Britney Spears got two tattoos and shaved her head. The amazing thing is, it's the most motherly thing she's done in weeks. I guess her whoopidy dee-doo, her la-la-la, her labidoodah is not the only thing she shave's, if you catch my drift. And finally, Tuesday was my 19th anniversary working for Disney. I just don't know what to say about that.

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

Here's to another year of virginity! Cheers!

REJECTED MOVIE TAG LINES

Rize: Epilepsy Set To Music

And now for a new feature called...

FREAKY MUPPET MOMENTS

Just two years after the "Stars Wars Christmas Special", and a forgotten appearance on the Donny and Marie variety show, the “stars of Star Wars” made a special guest appearance on the Muppet Show. (In a surreal moment, Mark Hamill attempts to do a Fozzie Bear impersonation, unintentionally reminding everyone how much Fozzie always sounded like Yoda.) Kermit the Frog tries to lure Hamill and his droids into performing a musical number, noting to C-3PO that “your little garbage can friend wants to.” But when the big finish arrives, it’s a hunt for Darth Vader — assisted by the intrepid cast of “Pigs in Space.” After a crash-landing (”You forgot to push the stoppy thing”), they discover a much shorter Darth Vader — played by Gonzo, with Miss Piggy standing in for Princess Leia. The spectacular dialogue about phasers is interrupted by an appearance by Angus McGonigle the Gargling Argyle Gargoyle, until — sure enough — the cast breaks into a poorly-explained music number.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

On The Amazing Race, the stunning vistas, demanding challenges, and twists power the drama and adrenaline rush; the humor and amusement, however, tends to come from the things the teams say. Tight editing makes almost every word entertaining, but some lines still stand out. Here, then, is the first of 13 looks back at The Amazing Race 11’s episodes, highlighting the best and worst of what they said. Well, all except six minutes: This wouldn’t be a season of The Amazing Race without CBS’ prime-time schedule being screwed up by afternoon sporting events, as the all-star race began 27 minutes late. Here’s an idea: Save that time next week by just canceling the evening news. Or the half-hour of alleged local news. In any case, I missed a few minutes at the top of the hour, and the description of the Detour, the bastards. Phil Keoghan introduced “11 of our most memorable teams,” which is a good way of saying that the teams are both loved and loathed. He also said “they will do just about anything in their second chance to win $1 million,” which I think means some team is going to prostitute themselves. Oh wait, that’s what Rob and Amber are already doing with their lives. “This time, whole new bag of tricks,” Rob promised us, with that punchable smirk on his face. He’s on screen for 30 seconds and already I want to get in my car, set the cruise control to 70 mph, open the door, and dangle my face out so it can drag along the pavementand distract me from the pain I feel when I have to watch him. Talking about his new teammate, Eric said of Danielle, “I like that she has a lot of attitude.” But no penis! Oh, I kid Eric and his ringed nipples. As Charla ran past Drew—yes, Charla ran past Drew!—he said to Kevin, “I’m doing the best I could. You’re killing me here!” Even Charla was in shock, saying, “I can’t believe I outran Drew.” Eric non-ironically said, “As long as [Danielle] realizes that I’m in charge, then we should be fine.” Oh, Eric, we already knew that you’re a top. “Amber and I did not drag our asses back for the Amazing Race all-stars to finish in second place,” Rob said. Hopefully, you dragged your overexposed asses back to come in 11th place. Rob committed an act of kindness by telling a shuttle bus driver to stop for another team—but then he killed the moment by demanding viewers and the editors notice that he’s not always a prick. “It was the first kind gesture I have made, so I want it noted. It kills me to do it, too,” he said. At the Miami airport, the teams ran down their own roped-off aisle to an unoccupied American Airlines ticket agent, as dozens of other people stood in the real line and gave them looks of death. In the airport, David and Mary bumped into two people that, “for us, just to meet them,” David said, means “we’ve already won,” Mary finished. The objects of their awe were, tragically and sadly, just Rob and Amber. Oswald said, “Right now, my hands are clammy, and my face is going through menopause.” Some all-star race: For their first night, the teams received a place to sleep, cots, and departure times that equalized the pack, erasing the few hours of time difference in the two flights. Why don’t we just put them on a cruise ship and let them race around its deck? “Everybody always underestimates them because he’s crotchety and old-looking,” Joe said of Ian, a phrase Ian should have printed on the back of that flappy hat of his. “Peru is nice. It’s beautiful out,” Drew said. Kevin gently replied, “I’m sure it’s nice in Peru. We’re in Ecuador.” I love them. Mirna read from the Detour task instructions, “wrangle it is going to require holding down a wild horse,” she said. “That’s fine; I’ll hold it,” Charla said, as a gong crash expressed the skepticism of the show’s composer. And that was one of the episode’s more subtle audio cues; perhaps I tuned it out as last season progressed, but the orchestra seems to be very heavy-handed now, with cymbals crashing and drums pounding every other second, suggesting eminent disaster and dire consequences to nearly every other word that someone says. Rob and Amber came in first. Back in a moment after some additional pavement face-dragging. John Vito and Jill were eliminated, but that was far less interesting than what David and Mary said on the mat. “We’ve always been fans of theirs [the other teams]; we are their biggest fans. And now we get to meet ‘em, and some of them even like us,” David told Phil, creeping the fuck out of every other team. Tune in next week when the other teams use that line when they file for restraining orders.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1987: Andy Warhol dies of complications after gallbladder surgery, though the details are hazy. The official cause was listed as cardiac arrhythmia, but speculation includes his fear of hospitals as well as possible Cefoxitin allergy. Warhol's death brings him a bonus 15 minutes of fame. 1993: The United States Supreme Court rejects a move by singer Chuck Berry to move his case to Federal court. Various women sued Berry alleging he videotaped them going potty in his St. Louis restaurant. 1994: CIA agent Aldrich Ames charged with conspiracy to commit espionage. His betrayal, starting in 1985, resulted in the executions of a good number of important undercover agents within the Soviet Union. The CIA knew without doubt there was a mole in its ranks. And though by 1989 Ames had acquired unexplainable wealth from his spying and did very little to conceal the spying, he somehow managed to evade being caught for five more years. 1997: The first cloning of an advanced mammal, a sheep known as Dolly, is announced in the news media. Dolly was cloned from a mammary cell, her name being taken from the topheavy Dolly Parton, star of the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. 

HEROES

See, this is what happens when you give an ex-junkie a gun just in case a human bomb turns up, and tell him to use it to "save the world." Not HRG's best strategy, and a tragedy for Simone (Tawny Cypress). I think Nathan, succumbing to the more cynical side of his nature, will be relieved by this turn of events, because of his fears over Simone's earlier stated intention to go public with her knowledge of special abilities. Not that Simone would have been believed any more that Claire was when she opened up to her Mom's doctor. Nathan, by the way, tells Simone exactly how he would handle persons with special abilities: treat them like lab rats and isolate them. This, as we know, is pretty much the philosophy of HRG's organization, anyhow. Claire has seen her mother nearly destroyed. Now she finally openly challenges HRG. He's lucky here that Claire's super-ability is purely defensive. HRG still believes that ignorance is bliss, that the family is somehow more secure with, for example, Sylar's recent intrusion of the home wiped from Mom's memory. The strategy makes is pretty hard for his loved ones to watch out for themselves. HRG describes his wife as "a sweet soul" who shouldn't be burdened with these potential threats. It's a quintessentially patronizing attitude. HRG wants to believe there is a sphere of his life that he by himself can keep pure and apart from the darker realities the he has become privy too. That's about to come crashing down for him. A newer hero gets that ball rolling, when she makes her first onscreen appearance. Wireless arrives ready to rock. She's got full command of her powers and a snazzy leather outfit. She's already a hero, which is cool, because we've seen enough folks struggling to figure out their powers for one season. It's also great to see a new female character, especially a really powerful one, as the show's regular compliment of superheroes is quite dude-heavy. Wireless is out to form her own superhero team and take down HRG. She explains the meaning of the neck marks to Radioactive Ted. Her plan is to nuke a certain Odessa Texas paper supply company, thus freeing all heroes and potential heroes from government persecution and tracking. Ted then helps recruit Matt. I was pleasantly surprised that they then get to it without delay. Showing up at HRG's home is kind of intense (with its potential to harm innocents) but I figure they had to try that in order to get at HRG away his secret compound. HRG , for his part, should invest in a better home security system in addition to wiping out his family's memories. The call to arms from Ted, by the way, comes just at the right moment to prevent Matt from doing as his wife urges and returning the diamonds. I figure at this point Linderman will probably find out about the diamonds somehow before Matt has a chance to do anything with them. So, more trouble for him. I wonder if Matt's wife has an ability of her own by the way: Super-Quick Pregnancy Woman. She was really showing all of the sudden this week. Dale, with the super hearing, is another person who is happy and accepting of her power. Unfortunately she doesn't guess the real reason Sylar's heart is racing when he and Mohinder first meet her. Her best line: "that was my favorite wrench," after Sylar melts it. On his return visit, Sylar (fittingly) has the creepiest line of the night. When Dale asks him what that sound is in his heart, "Murder," he tells her. But on that initial meeting Dale talked about how her power used to drive her crazy until she learned toAndo control it. It's small comfort to her now, by Sylar suffers once he absorbs the power, which is a pretty good twist. So far as we've seen up to now, Sylar seems to control the new powers he absorbs pretty easily. Several blurbs I saw online made it sound like Ando was going to be the one to die. Fortunately not, but he came too close to it for Hiro's taste. Hiro decides he must go it alone, despite his own reasonable arguments early to the Gaming Commission Agent, about the benefits of having a partner. I really don't want this to be the last of Ando, though the fate of Simone (not to mention Claire's mom) shows how dangerous it is becoming for the normal people who've become mixed up with the heroes. Hiro leaves the trusty Nissan Versa with Ando, which maybe is a clue that Ando will return, since he is now in sole possession of this prominent product placement. Hiro them boards a bus driven by the legendary Stan "The Man" Lee, of Marvel Comics fame, in a cameo. I'm looking forward to the showdown at Casa Bennet next week, and maybe, since nothing happened on this front tonight, Jessica going after Nathan. Also, what will Peter do to the Artist? He was justifiably pissed at Isaac selling him out to HRG. Isaac did this more out of jealousy than concern for the city, no matter what he says. Actually, Peter will probably fall back into an even deeper depression. While in NYC, HRG remarks to Isaac that "someone we thought was dead is alive," meaning he and the Haitian thought Claude was dead. This explains why Claude has been staying invisible for years, even though he can evidently become visible at will if he wants too. The Devereaux building sounds like it is well know to HRG too, and probably not just because of Claude's pigeon coop. That rooftop setting has been seen many times in the series, and may be shown to have some major significance, even now that Simone, the last Devereaux, is gone, alas.

DAD

 

MOVIE BUZZ

The Simpsons Movie: The latest trailer actually includes a bunch of scenes from the film. But let me get this straight: Dakota Fanning stirs up controversy for a sex scene in Hounddog, but Bart can ride his skateboard naked and nobody bats an eyelash? Talk about a double standard …

Indiana Jones IV: Rumors abound that Shia LaBeouf will be starring as Indy's son in the sequel. We could all have been wrong — maybe there is life after Project Greenlight.

If Looks Could Kill Christina Ricci looks like a pig. No, no, that's the plot to her new movie. She's still cute in real life, but I also predict she's one more uglying-up role away from winning an Oscar.

Live Free Or Die Hard: They're calling it Die Hard 4.0 overseas, according to the international trailer, which also includes some scenes not in the American version. Die Hard 4.01: Bruce Willis stops at the Quickie Mart to buy a pack of gum and catches a guy stealing from the penny tray — even though he doesn't need it! So he throws the guy through the front plate-glass window.

Wild Hogs: These clips are way funnier than I thought they would be. Not as much as Nicolas Cage's bizarro Elvis impersonation in Ghost Rider, but at least here it was intentional. And "Slow Ride" is in the movie, so that can't be that bad. Gotta love movies with biker scenes.

The Hobbit: New Line chairman Robert Shaye says the LOTR prequel will be in theaters in 2009, despite still not having a director or a script. So he's hot to follow up the most lavish and extravagant film series of all time with a quickie.

And now, for the review of Ghost Rider. Starring Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Donal Logue, Wes Bentley, Peter Fonda. Believe it or not, it does, in fact, have a plot. Cage is Johnny Blaze, a motorcycle stunt rider who makes a deal with Satan (Fonda, for that Easy Rider association you just know Cage was all giddy about) to save his father from cancer. After that, Cage is assigned to be the devil's bounty hunter, and he gets a very cool ride to do it on. Sometimes a movie fails and succeeds at the same time. Because by any real-world standard, this is a stupid piece of junk. But it's very good at being a stupid piece of junk, if for no other reason than the insane premise and for being kind of a window into Cage's bizarro soul: the strange, borderline-Liza Minnelli wig he's wearing; the immobile face that defies plastic surgery accusations because for all we know he injects it with some kind of exotic snake venom to freeze the forehead muscles — you know, as an acting choice — before the director yells, "Action!"; and the Elvis-isms. So many of those happening. It adds up to nonstop fascination if you're paying attention to the right details. The best parts are when he's on fire and riding the bike and meting out justice to the damned. I mean, obviously. Then there's the scene where he's sitting at home watching a chimp do karate on TV, eating a martini glass full of jellybeans and listening to the Carpenters sing "Superstar." They play that song a few times here. In fact, the scene where Logue tries to interrupt Cage while he's listening to the song and Cage says "You're stepping on Karen" may be my favorite line of dialogue in a movie of 2007. I know it's only February, but is it going to get better than that? I doubt it. From 1 to 10 (10 being the best), I give this movie a 6, but I'll still get it on DVD when it comes out.

Okay, whew, what a long Peverett Phile. This weekend we're planning to go to Clearwater for the weekend, so that should be fun. I am sure I'll post pics on the Phile's webshots page. Also, check out the Phile's Myspace page. I am still wanting to reach 2000 views by June or July, so, please...spread the word and not the turd.


 





 

Friday, February 16, 2007

Face Pirate

Ahoy, maties, and welcome to a FRIDAY edition of the Peverett Phile. The reason the Phile is been posted on a Friday this week is because last night we went to Disney's Pirate and Princess Party at the Magic Kingdom. Logan dressed as Captain Jack and I dressed as Snow White. No, seriously, Logan and I shared the Captain Jack hat. My wife is already a princess so she didn't have to dress up. I will be posting pictures on the Phile's webshots page as well as a review on the Phile's myspace page. Anyway, it was so cold last night, I saw Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella snuggling against each other to get warm. It was so cold Peter Pan wore an extra pair of tights. It was so cold Tinkerbell flew extra fast from from the Castle. Man, with seeing Elizabeth Swann, and all the princessess, I might have my own Pirate and Princess Party in Peverett's Pants. Okay, on that note, let's see what's hapepning in the news. Oh, by the way, did everybody have a good valentine's day? Yet another person running for president. Earlier today, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney announced he’s running for president. If he wins, he’ll be the first Mormon president. Apparently Romney plans on winning the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them. At an international conference. An official from Cuba said that his country restricts use of the Internet because it’s a "wild new technology.” Other wild new technologies in Cuba? The eight-track, the typewriter, and Tupperware. This month a Star Wars memorabilia company started selling $120 replicas of Yoda’s light saber. After hearing about it, Star Wars fans said, "That’s ridiculous; for $120 we could lose our virginity.” Everyone angry at Britney Spears these days. A prominent rabbi in California wrote a letter to Britney Spears where he tells her to start wearing underwear. The rabbi said, "At the very least, but a yamucah on that thing.” The NBA All-Star Game will be broadcast in something called HD, 3-D. It is 3-D, high-definition television. They’re saying that a couple of minutes into the second half, Ron Artest will actually come out of the set and punch you in the face. Al Gore is at it again. He was at The Grammys; he’ll be at the Oscars; and now he’s launching a series of concerts to benefit the fight against global warming. Its slogan? "Gorefest 2007. It’s hard-Gore.” I’m going to that! AndI think I’m going to Obama-Palooza.”

BROKEN

Treenotmyjob

This picture, taken in India, shows a tree branch lying on the road.  Whoever painted the border on the road did not bother to move the branch and instead painted the border around the wood, which resulted in a crooked line.

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

Oh, Royal Guard. That's the last time we let you guard a box of doughnuts!

REJECTED MOVIE TAG LINE

Apocalypto: Before Jews: Mayans. Now: No Mayans. We're Just Saying.

SHARPENING AXES

Just more than $200 million is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S. The world record for kissing is 11,030 people in one hour. Although it's just 2% of our body weight, our brains use 20% of all the oxygen we breathe, 20% of the calories consume, and 15% of the body's blood supply. Light takes six hours to travel from Pluto to Earth. Merv Griffin wrote the theme to "Jeopardy." It's estimated that the royalties have earned him more than $80 million. The U.S. average credit score is 678. The US Department of Transportation reports the average life span of a vehicle is 12 years, or about 128,500 miles. The Rat Pack was made up of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Joey Bishop, with Peter Lawford in a supporting role. In the beginning, they billed themselves as "The Summit." They didn't call themselves "The Rat Pack" because Sinatra hated that term. Kitsch is the main export of Hell, Michigan. Experts say 77% of Americans go to the grocery store with a list. It's estimated that half of everything bought there is bought on impulse.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Survivor Fiji’s debut last Thursday was watched by 16.7 million viewers, representing the series’ lowest-rated premiere ever. Last fall, 17.7 million people watched the Survivor Cook Islands debut, while last spring’s "Survivor Panama" debut was watched by 19.3 million. However, the show is in a heavily competitive timeslot, facing off against ABC’s "Ugly Betty" and NBC’s "My Name is Earl" and "The Office", and "Survivor" beat those other shows “in most key categories,” Variety reports. In addition, as Media Life reports, “all four programs averaged a 4.2 rating or above, which is quite rare these days on broadcast,” while CBS’ reality series “remains a top show for CBS in the demo, and no other reality show has demonstrated such impressive staying power for so long.” When "Survivor Fiji" debuted on February 8th, it was the show’s 14th season, but it won’t be the last. CBS has just renewed the first major network hit reality show for two more seasons, both of which will apparently air next year. The network said in a statement that it’s doing so because the show “remains one of television’s highest rated reality series,” and last season “won its Thursday (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) time period in viewers and key demographics every week against its toughest competition in several years.” The press release also says simply that “Jeff Probst is host.” While he’s sure to return for the 15th and 16th seasons, because it wouldn’t be Survivor without him, his contract expires at the end of the 14th season.

TODAY IN HISTORY

Man, I totally forgot to put in this feature last entry, didn't I? Oh, well. 1923: Lord Carnarvon opens King Tut's tomb, revealing one of the most well-preserved treasures from the ancient world. While it has been frequently reported that a curse killed 13 of the 20 people present at the opening of the tomb, there was no curse and no unusual death patterns occurred. 1959: Failed baseball player Fidel Castro is sworn in as President For Life of Cuba. During his first year of rule 500 are put to the firing squad, an RBI record any dictator would be proud of. 1978: The first computer bulletin board system goes live on an S-100 motherboard and CP/M, anda Hayes 300 baud modem. Ward Christensen and Randy Seuss's Computerized Bulletin Board System still kinda runs to this day, but the Internet has taken the place that BBS's used to have. And this is why you have no social life, loser. 1988: Richard Farley, a man obsessed with the lovely and petite Laura Black, entered his former workplace in Sunnyvale, California, and killed 7 employees as he made his way towards Laura's office. A hearing was scheduled regarding her restraining order against him for the following day. Farley fails in his attempt to kill her, leaving Laura critically wounded.

HEROES

A rough week for some of the heroes makes for another pretty good episode, especially the Parkman and Jessica stuff. For once, things appear to be going Matt Parkman's way. He's beaming as he heads off for his first day on a new job as private security. His client turns out to be an a-hole. Matt has not gotten used to overhearing the negative thoughts everyone he meets seems to have of him. Just in from Vegas, recently-liberated Jessica has a new job herself; it's the first of what may be many contracts from Mr. Linderman. The cat-and-mouse chase up and down the stairwells was intense. So was Matt's near fatal fall. Jessica chucks him out a high window before finishing what she came to Los Angeles to do. Say what you will about Jessica, but she certainly enjoys herself more than Niki ever has. It was cool that Matt read both Niki's and Jessica's thoughts as they argued in the stairwell. Wherever they go, the mirror-twins seem to encounter an ample supply of reflective surfaces. I actually thought at one point Matt would get to win one. Alas, it's not to be. The constant beat-downs that life gives Matt explains why he pockets his dead client's diamonds. That happens right after he reads the thoughts of yet another cop believing Matt is a loser. I don't believe Parkman will end up keeping the diamonds. He's too decent a guy. If anything that's why he encounters so much difficulty. Besides Jessica's new hit woman career, I don't know what's going on with that family of Niki's. Micah makes a good point when he asks "shouldn't we be fighting crime or something?" -- or just doing anything. D.L. seems to just hang out tonight. Why is he sure it's safe for Micah to bearound his sharp-shooting mother now? And nobody seems all that curious about the occasional FedEx's that Jessica (as Niki) is suddenly getting now that she is out of jail. Niki herself should be working on a way to get out of the mirror and back in control of her body. If Jessica can switch places, Niki should be able too. Although evil does seem to have a leg up, usually, in the ability-controlling department. Speaking of evil, Sylar arrives on the scene at a short-lived hero's Virginia Beach home just a few hours ahead of Mohinder. Plenty of time to murder Zane the Melting-Things Guy -- and to steal his Ramones tee-shirt for good measure. Sylar is oddly calm now. The anger he's always shown before is gone. I guess he really had the epiphany, as he explains it, to Mohinder. He's even creepier now. Sylar toys with Mohinder for awhile, not even bothering to hide Zane's body much before entertaining Mohinder and making tea. He makes the most of the meeting by proposing they team-up to "help" other people with special abilities. Which, for Sylar, means helping himself to their abilities. Mohinder has no reason to mistrust Sylar and really takes to the idea. Uh-oh. The big thing this week was supposed to be Claire finding her father Nathan, but father and daughter fail to connect (to say the least). Meredith, Claire's birth mom, turns out to be no saint. She even low balls Claire on an offer of a cut of the money she's getting out of Nathan. Claire's not interested money, of course. The sad thing is, Meredith acts the way she does because of the kind of person she knew Nathan to be fourteen years ago. Very recent events have begun changing him, though that change is far from complete. If Claire could have seen Nathan's face, and not just overhear his voice when she hid outside the trailer, then she might have found that her birth father is not as indifferent to her as his words made him seem. Nevertheless, Nathan is soon back in his limo. Claire, feeling hopeless and betrayed, chucks a rock at the car out of bitter frustration. Meredith told Claire that she's going back to Mexico, where the $100k will go farther, I'm sure. She was in Texas, what? Two weeks? Quite a coincidence that she turned up right when Claire started looking for her. Or is it? Can't imagine what Claire's next move is. At home, H.R.G. has pretty much destroyed his wife and his family, and the Cheerleader seems past the limit of what she can stand byand witness -- but then that's what I thought last week. Hiro and Ando are no closer to the sword then ever, bless 'em. And Linderman is not an easy guy to get a meeting with. Ando can't help remarking on the irony that they are now back in Vegas. Really not that much farther along in saving the world than when they left from Japan. Ando and Hiro have an initially-amusing role reversal. Sure, Ando's sudden passion for heroism has a lot to do with his attraction for the very tall, very strong, and very duplicitous Hope, but it's fun to seen Ando throw all Hiro's arguments back at him. "One doesn't need special powers to be a hero," Ando says, though it would certainly have helped. In another callback to Star Trek, Hope insultingly calls Hiro "Sulu" after he corrects her mischaracterization of him and Ando as a "couple of Chinese guys." Later he gives the gaming board official a traditional Vulcan greeting. Next week is supposed to be a wild one. As we all know, the current teaser/catchphrase is "someone flies, someone dies." I guess "someone flies" could be Peter, learning from his new mentor, the invisible Claude, how to use an ability without being in proximity of its owner. But that does make him the obvious flier -- so, then again, maybe not. As to who dies, I really don't know, only I'm guessing it won't be Nathan, Claire, or Hiro. I don't think it will be Nathan because he is the next person Linderman wants Jessica to kill, so, here again, this is too obvious. It won't be Claire because of H.R.G and her still unresolved parental issues, which are crucial. It won't be Hiro because there would be an open revolt among viewers (unless, say, Hiro dies and, through bending space and/or time, returns in another form). Parkman came pretty close to dying this week. It would be a shame if he were killed before he manages to have a victory of some kind. It could be Peter, come to think of it. He's always felt a little doomed. Any theories? How about just plain guesses?

DAD

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3: They won't show him in the trailers yet, but here's your first close-up look at toothy villain Venom, courtesy of Toy Fair. Say, that reminds me, I gotta make an appointment with the dentist.

The Hardy Men: Rumor no more: Tom Cruise hopes to repair his public image by starring in a comedy. Give the guy credit. Most celebrities do that sort of thing by going into rehab … but being in a movie with Ben Stiller? That's way, way harder.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Screenwriter Terry Rossio says he's taking a crack at yet another sequel. Although to keep the budget under control this time, they may have to resort to using the animatronic dummy of Johnny Depp at Disney World, so maybe not such a good idea.

She-Hulk: Nic Cage is big pimpin' Eva Mendes to star as Bruce Banner's gamma-irradiated cousin. Hold on, I'm envisioning the Victoria's Secret-product tie-in campaign now…

Untitled Religious Spoof: Hot off of Borat, director Larry Charles is planning a similar hit job on religion — narrated by Bill Maher. Hey, guys, I got a couple of old Sunday school teachers you could start with if you want. Please.

Iron Man: Also from Toy Fair, here's a picture of ol' Shellhead's action figure. How they're going to shrink Robert Downey Jr. into it for the film, I have no idea.

After.Life: Kate Bosworth looks pretty spooky rising out of a bed in this poster. Then again, she sleepwalked through most of Superman Returns, so this role shouldn't be too much of a stretch for her.

Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Next week it should be posted on Thursday again. Don't forget to check out the webshots page at PeverettPhile and the myspace page at http://www.myspace.com/peverettphile. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.




 

Thursday, February 8, 2007

It Stinks To Be Number 2

Hello there, and welcome to the Phile. where the jokes are outsourced. This entry of the Phile is brought to you by The Super Bowl: The Oscars for straight guys. So, at Disney World, part of their Where Dreams Come True promotion, they're giving away a night at Cinderella's Castle pretty much every day. If I won it, I would stand naked at the window, arms up and yell, "Hello, Main Street." Sad news in entertainment today: Anna Nicole Smith was found dead here in Florida. Thank god it wasn't Britney Spears. Were you aware that it’s Fashion Week? There’s a brand new line of clothing unveiled earlier today by Chicago Bears’ quarterback Rex Grossman. The nice thing about it is, it comes apart at the seams. How about that story, you know the NASA astronaut? When they caught her, she was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. There was a lot of confusion, because originally, authorities thought she was Elton John. She drove 900 miles in a diaper. That’s pretty amazing. Britney Spears can’t even make it around the block in her underpants. Everyone in the world is running for president. Political experts are now saying that to win the presidency in 2008, a candidate has to get "hot." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said Hillary is doomed. Yesterday Ozzy Osbourne announced that he’s going to perform at this year’s Ozz Fest without getting paid. Afterwards, the concert’s promoter said, "Don’t tell Ozzy, but we haven’t paid him for 12 years.” Paula Abdul says, when she’s on "American Idol,” she doesn’t just pick people by singing ability, she also judges how well they’ve put together their look. In other words, Abdul picks whoever looks old enough to buy her a drink. Mars is getting some flak over a Super Bowl commercial they aired. They decided to pull it after complaints that it was homophobic. The Skittles people get no complaints at all. "Chase the Rainbow” isn’t gay? One group called it the most bigoted ad since Junior Mints launched their "Little Mint That’s Not for Mexicans” campaign. Me? I am offended that Jessica Simpson didn't show enough cleavage in her Pizza Hut commercial. According to a new study, over 18 million American men currently suffer from erectile dysfunction. Doctors say that number could double if Hillary gets elected. It's been so cold here in Central Florida this week. Here’s how cold it is: Earlier today, President Bush said, "See, I fixed global warming.” It’s awful cold. It’s chillier than dinner at Ryan O’Neill’s house. Apple Computer and the Beatles have finally settled their lawsuit over the use of the name Apple. Apparently Paul McCartney wants to focus on one legal battle at a time. Johnny Knoxville of "Jackass” is getting divorced from his wife. Now listen, if you think ramming a shopping cart into your testicles is painful, you wait until you get into divorce court . . . In Atlantic City a gambler gave birth to a baby on the casino floor. What is she thinking? You know you gotta know when to hold ’em. You gotta know! The mayor of San Francisco has announced he’s going into rehab casue he got busted for sleeping with a married woman. The people of San Francisco are disgusted at this flagrant heterosexual behavior in their town. The Indianapolis Colts are Super Bowl champions. They beat the Bears on Sunday. The quarterback for the Bears, Rex Grossman, he had a very difficult day; he couldn’t stay on his feet, which was doubly embarrassing, because Prince did the whole halftime show in high heels and had no trouble at all. They make the T-shirts and the hats that say, "Super Bowl Champions” in advance, so that they can wear then right after the game, and I always wonder what happens to the T-shirts they make for the losing team and fortunately we have the news to explain all things to us: "They will be handed out to developing nations like Nigeria, Uganda and Sierra Leon.” That’s weird! Super Bowl shirts aren’t the only rejected clothing they ship over there . . . this one recently turned up: "Dick Cheney Never Shot an Old Man in the Face.” Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy became the first African-American coach to win the Super Bowl, and today, President Bush called to congratulate him. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, "I also thought you were great in the halftime show.” Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren’t deciphered until this week.

BROKEN

Nesquik

This Nesquick bottle of chocolate milk instructs thirsty consumers to: Remove seal Shake well ...in that order. Obviously, this is not an ideal workflow. And to think - several people with decision-making powers must have seen this label before it reached your hands!

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

This lady is dressed as The Queen Amidala decoy that never, ever fooled anyone.

NOTE: While looking for photographs for this feature, I found several hundred that I could've made this same joke for, but there could be only one! Congratulation, lady in this picture, for being the one I chose!

CANNED LAUGHTER

A friend at work named Silver Fox told me this joke yesterday: Q: What do you call 64 people watching the Super Bowl? A: The Chicago Bears.

And now for a new feature called...

REJECTED MOVIE SLOGANS

Rocky Balboa: 1976 Speed bag 2007 Colostomy bag

HEROES

Before the heroes can eliminate troublesome distractions they must discover what their own true distractions are. Claude is a kick, and Peter finds out the hard way that he is also quite the hands-on teacher. The invisible Claude might be cynical and a misanthrope, but he does get results. Being thrown off a thirty-story building quickly clarifies things for Peter, though his subsequent revelation is exactly the opposite of Claude's philosophy. And Peter's breakthrough makes him more clearly a kind of anti-Sylar. Each absorbs powers, Sylar does it while killing, Peter does it by allowing himself to feel a life-affirming connection to the other heroes he has caught an ability from. It starts with a memory of Claire, who we now know happens to be Peter's niece. Judging from guesses made in the comments here last week, the reveal of Nathan as Claire's real father wasn't that much of a surprise to anyone. Really though, besides the as-yet-unseen Linderman, there weren't a lot of other likely candidates. Nathan is also the only character who wears dress shirts with the cuffs rolled up as seen in all the NBC promos this week. So there you go. "Some family," as both Claire and her birth-mom say. Anyway, I'd rather it be Nathan, and a little too obvious to figure out, than have had some goofy twist just for the sake of having a twist. Claire turning out to be a Petrelli opens up some story possibilities, and give her a good reason to blow Odessa for the Big Apple. Only question is whether she will bring the ever-increasingly-studly Zach along. Just how strong are those Haitian brain-wipes anyway? As I've said before, I am constantly made happy by the knowledge that so many characters act in their own interest and share information with each other on a regular basis on his show. Claire and her real mom reveal their powers to one another, for one thing. More impressively, Hiro stands right up to his father when his father demands he return to Japan and fulfill his destiny. As we know, Hiro sees another destiny for himself and in fact says so. Nevertheless, he is presented here with a real dilemma. His family is counting on him and his father's own reputation as a leader is on the line for his perceived inability to control his own son. Ando adds to Hiro's despair by helpfully reminding him that his time/space-bending ability seems to have disappeared anyway. Maybe it's time to give up the good fight? Hiro's solution is inventive; he appears to agree, but only to demonstrate how very wrong he is for the job of corporate vice president. The true and proper heir to the family fortunes has been right in front of the old man all along. He has been too tradition-bound to realize that his own daughter should be running the company. This was little more serious than many of the Hiro and Ando adventures, but it seems to me Hiro made one of his most significant steps yet toward becoming his own person, and the hero he believes he is destined to be. All this honest family sharing once again point out how badly H.R.G. is screwing up at home. Mr. Bennet's wife (who almost slips out with H.R.G.'s first name -- what a tease) is so loopy from frequent brain-wipes that it takes her a disturbingly long time to find anything the least bit odd about a creepy-eyebrow man with a very flimsy cover story slinking around her house. When Claire comes home to discover evidence that something is amiss, she smiles brightly at her adopted father. He's proven himself so manipulative and deceptive in her eyes that she doesn't feel the slightest guilt at deceiving him any longer. Really too bad for H.R.G. that he took that path with her. After Homecoming, they had a chance to be close. Instead he chooses to try and keep her, and everyone close to him, in the dark forever, believing that there is safety in ignorance. He's wrong about that. What the heck was Sylar thinking by not killing H.R.G. when escaping the paper mill? That's a little convenient. The best excuse I can come up with is that Sylar wanted to come back later and torture H.R.G. with the news of Claire's death, or something. The only other plot point that bugged me in another otherwise great episode was when Peter sees Isaac and Simone touching foreheads in an innocent, but easily misinterpreted, moment right out of every romantic comedy made in the last twenty-five years. When you are invisible and spying on your girlfriend, you might as well go ahead and stand close enough to hear the actual conversation. It would help minimize any misunderstandings. I had hoped to see D.L. react to learning last week that Micah has an ability. I also wonder how they handled the money Micah dumped out of his school bag. However, next week, this family will have more to worry about than money now that Niki...Jessica (and only Niki... Jessica) is free. I think we got the answer to the question of how she is supposed to be a hero. She isn't. Looks to me like she's been destined to be a villain all along.To Be Continued ... Before she tasered the spit out of her doctor, there was a little hope that maybe Niki and Jessica could, through counseling, merge into some emotionally-balanced warrior chick. Now I'm thinking not. Pure evil. If Peter had a detonator sticking out of his head, Jessica would probably ignite it. Marvel comics icon Stan "The Man" Lee will make a cameo appearance on the Monday, February 19th episode of "Heroes". Entitled "Unexpected," Lee will play a bus driver who has an encounter with Hiro Nakamura. Is it because we have proof positive that Masi Oka was once a nerd supreme - works part-time for George Lucas, on the cover of Time circa 1987 as an Asian-American Whiz Kid - that he gets to have allthe geek-out encounters on "Heroes"? His dad is George Takei. He rides the bus with Stan Lee. Anyone want to start making guesses as to what uber-geek chic run-in Hiro will have next? Frank Miller? Alan Moore? The cast of "Firefly"? Xeni Jardin? He's got an in with Lucas.

DAD

 

MOVIE BUZZ

The Hardy Men: Tom Cruise and Ben Stiller may star in an updated version of the old Shaun Cassidy TV show. Apparently, Tom likes the idea of parodying his self-image. Heck, why not stick Katie in there as Nancy Drew and be done with it?

Barbarella: Scarlett Johansson is now the front-runner for the starring role. I haven't been this excited about a sci-fi movie since they put Princess Leia in that gold bikini in Return of the Jedi.

Wonder Woman: It's official: Joss Whedon is off the big-screen remake because the suits didn't like his take on the character. Hmmm. Maybe not such a good idea calling it Wonder Woman: The Vampire Slayer?

Ghostbusters: Hellbent: Dan Aykroyd wants to make another sequel, but Bill Murray will only do it if the characters are all-CGI. Great … now I got something else to be ticked off at Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties over …

The Sandman: Joel Schumacher says he wants to adapt Neil Gaiman's cult comic. OK, who wants to run down to the courthouse right now and file the restraining order keeping him 500 yards away from any superhero movie ever again?

The Flash: Hot off Night at the Museum, director Shawn Levy is going to bring the scarlet speedster to life. If he plans to stick Ben Stiller in a superhero costume, I'll put his name on the restraining order next to Schumacher's.

Well, there you go, folks, another entry done. Please check out the Peverett Phile webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/user/PeverettPhile and the Peverett Phile Myspace page at http://www.myspace.com/peverettphile. I will leave you with a random pic. Spread the word, not the turd.





 

 




 




 





 

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Lick Here To Add Me As A Friend

Rabbit. My grandmother always told me to say "rabbit" when I woke up on the first of the month as it would bring luck, and all my life I have. I cannot believe it's one month into the year already. Before we know it we'll be putting up Christmas decorations again. So, last weekend I went to the FX convention in Orlando. We were going to SeaWorld to see Sugarland in concert but Jen and Logan were both sick so I decided to go to FX for the first time in 15 years. I had a great time, feeling like a geek. I saw tons of celebrities there and really enjoyed it. Anyway, let's do some comedy. Yeah! President Bush visited the New York Stock Exchange. It was an awkward moment when President Bush asked, "When do I get to meet Dow Jones?” California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering a bill to ban the sale of incandescent light bulbs. Arnold isn’t worried about saving energy, he’s just tired of trying to say the word "incandescent.” Russia has announced it’s holding its annual beauty pageant for nuclear power plant workers. Apparently last year’s winner had the most beautiful three eyes they’ve ever seen. Barry Bonds in the news. Barry Bonds’ agent said that Bonds could hit as many as 1,000 home runs. And the agent admitted he’s on more drugs than Barry Bonds. There was an intruder at Prince Charles’ house last night . . . with a pitchfork. He entered the home while he and Camilla were asleep. But no one was harmed. The intruder fled after Camilla woke up and started barking. Michael Jackson in the news. Jermaine Jackson said on Monday he wants his brother Michael to convert to Islam. Michael said, "No thank you, I’ve already had 72 virgins.” Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who plays Harry Potter is causing a controversy because he’s appearing completely nude in a play. Critics say it’s a bold move for Radcliffe — especially since the play is "Oklahoma.” Lindsay Lohan had her appendix removed recently, and reportedly she was so worried it would be sold on eBay, she asked her doctor if she could take it with her. Unfortunately the doctor put the appendix in alcohol and Lindsay chugged it on the way home. This week was a big week for computer users around the world. Microsoft’s new operating system Windows Vista came out today. People lined up to buy it at midnight, partly because they want to be the first ones to check out the new features and partly just to hang out with other virgins. Millions of copies are being sold, but Microsoft says don’t worry, every single person in India is standing by waiting by their phones to do tech support if needed. This Sunday the Super Bowl will be in Miami, or as some people would call it, North Cuba. It's the Colts versus the Bears, and frankly I don't care who wins, I just want to see Prince's ass. Just kidding. And finally, John Kerry announced that he will not run for president in 2008, which leaves only several hundred Democratic candidates fro president . . .

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

You have to at least give it up for this guy for accepting the only Star Wars costume that is really appropriate for the dietary decisions he's made.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1861: Texas secedes from the Union, becoming independent once again. Since the articles of statehood passed by the U.S. Congress give Texas this right, it is perhaps the only state whose secession was legal. 1964: Governor Matthew Welsh of Indiana declares "Louie, Louie" by the Kingsen "pornographic". And while the FCC couldn't figure out the lyrics, the governor's move backfires by making the song one of the most covered titles in existence. 1968: In Saigon, South Vietnam's national police chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan summarily executes an accused Viet Cong spy with a bullet to the head. Unfortunately for the general, he happens to shoot him right in front of NBC cameraman Vo Suu and Associated Press photographer Eddie Adams. 1970: US Government report reveals that 31% of college students have tried pot, man. 1974: A fire on the 12th floor of the 25 story Joelma Bank Building in Sao Paulo Brazil, killing 177 and seriously burning 293. A crowd of 10,000 spectators hampered firefighters near the building. The new building's cheap construction was primarily at fault. 1976: Heisenberg may have died today. 1998: Michael King of Clayton, Georgia is charged with the baseball-bat beating death of Kenneth Paul Smith. King urinated in Smith's front yard, and after the property owner complained, he was severely beaten with a bat kept in King's Ford Mustang. 2003: The Space Shuttle Columbia blows up on re-entry, with its debris hitting homes and businesses in Nacogdoches Texas. 2004: During the MTV-provided halftime show of the Superbowl, former boy band member Justin Timberlake conducts an obviously pre-scripted move to expose Janet Jackson's right tit, which oddly sports a ninjitsu-style throwing star as a pasty. The nation is shocked, simply shocked, that a pristine, noncommercial event such as the Superbowl could be ruined by a Jackson.

HEROES

One of the things I enjoy almost every episode is how the the creative team of 'Heroes' manages to juggle so many characters reasonably well. The majority of the dozen-or-so major players in the half-dozen-or-so major plot threads have important and relevant scenes each time out, quite an accomplishment for just under forty-three minutes of television a week. But, nah, I didn't miss the Artist this time out. Monday's episode saw a number of broken relationships on the mend. On the way to the mend, anyhow. There is no longer any question that egocentric politician Nathan Petrelli is now more concerned with helping little bro' Pete than he is on his congressional run. He has certainly given up pretending that things like genetic mutations and human nuclear explosions are inconvenient distractions that can be argued away. That's a relief. Skeptical characters in the face of overwhelming evidence that weird crap is happening start to get tedious after a while, and I'm happy Nathan hasn't turned stuck it out as one of these. Psychic cop Matt Parkman and his wife's marriage troubles ease up a bit, now that he's been honest with her about his powers. Janice seems to take her husband's revelation pretty well, at least at first. She doesn't act all that disturbed about sharing a home with someone who can read her every thought. She makes a good point, though, when Matt claims that he "can't control" his power. She asks him if he has tried that. It doesn't seem as if it has occurred to him. Trying to consciously control the special ability has mostly been Hiro's territory up to this point. Now his powers seem totally gone, and he is convinced that only finding the sword will bringthem back. No progress on the sword this week. Unfortunately, the suspense of who is the powerful figure behind Hiro and Ando's kidnapping was pretty much blown in advance of the episode. Numerous NBC press releases gave away that Hiro's father would be a powerful industrialist who doesn't approve of his son's adventuring, played by George Takei. Some viewers out there that aren't looking to give Takei much of a chance, based on web chatter I've seen. I like Takei. He barely makes an appearance tonight, but the single shot of his stony visage as he stares down Hiro in fatherly disappointment is enough to make me willingly decide to forget Sulu for the purposes of enjoying 'Heroes'. Takei is having a resurgence right now, and that is only part of a long and distinguished career. Meet him halfway. If the audience gives him the chance they would give any other well-known face in a new role I expect they will see he can do the character and the show justice. Of course, Hiro's not the only character with father trouble. Micah and D.L, are not getting on. D.L. finally starts doing something right, and phases into Niki's padded cell for some badly needed parenting advice, and (I think) one of the first moments of real tenderness shown between the troubled couple. Just in time too, as Micah's started using his own powers for some easy short cuts. How cool was the moment though, when Micah says to his dad, "hey, you know how you and mom have secrets? Well ..." Noah Gray-Cabey is surely one of the best kid actors on television right now. By the way, not too sure about how Jessica's plan to get moved from prison to psych ward has worked out, especially now that it turns out whatever drugs they are pumping Niki/Jessica full of are inhibiting the Jessica side. Or is Jess just biding her time, knowing that a shrink would inevitably want her to show herself in treatment. I still think D.L. should just break her (them?) out, and the family should escape to New York. This trio (quartet if you count Niki and Jessica separately) still have the least to do with the ├╝berstory. Maybe Niki/Jessica will be another example of someone whose own powers ultimately destroy her. Then there is Claire who also always has dad trouble. H.R.G. is certainly on to Claire and the Haitian's subterfuge. Guess the Haitian should have told Claire to take the chimes out of the window when she was done signaling. However, I think the Cheerleader managed to keep the deception up aslong as could be expected (Manatees!) considering that her father is master of a super-secret government agency and all. The whole controlling-Claire-thing has taken its toll on H.R.G. as well. I don't believe he would have accepted the bogus phone report claiming Sylar died without immediately going to check it out himself if he hadn't been distracted with his suspicions about Claire. Later, Claire's surprise phone contact at the end, just continues to show how much superpowers are a family affair on this show. Manatee Cover StoryI take back what I said earlier about Hiro being the most preoccupied with trying to control his powers, because, of course, that's been a preoccupation of Peter's since the beginning too. Now he has someone willing to teach him something, which is a benefit most of the heroes have really had to struggle along without for most of the series. "Claude Rains", who calls himself that after the actor who played the Invisible Man in the 1933 movie, is a great addition to the story. He is someone who seems farther along in his understanding of his ability and his knowledge of other "specials," yet who is still an outsider. He's neither co-opted by H.R.G.'s organization, nor is he boring and ponderous like Mohinder Suresh. He's cool. Doesn't like people, but decides that maybe they are not so bad that he'll let millions of them get blown up if he can help stop it. Another great take on a reluctant hero. Keep 'em coming, Kring.

DOCTOR WHO

Before I begin, let me just say that I'm writing about this item with a huge lump of salt next to me. Given the source and the nature of the story, it's the only way for me to take it. But as a conversation-starter, it's priceless: The producers of 'Doctor Who' want to move the show to Hollywood for one episode, just to have Britney Spears play a guest role in it. The role will be a "sex-mad" alien clone; I think a "baby-mad" trailer drone would be a better fit, but that's just me. Anyway, executive producer Russell T. Davies is a huge fan of the pop tart and would love to somehow include her in the show. "I'm not sure she'll come to Cardiff where the show is shot so I'm nagging the BBC to fund a Hollywood special," Davies said. It seems more like a case of wishful thinking out loud to me, but sometimes even wishful thinking comes true. Otherwise, we would have never seen George Clooney play a gay dog or Alec Baldwin play a network executive. An appearance on a classy production like 'Doctor Who' might go a long way to help rehab her currently awful image. Well, that and some panties.

THERE IS A GOD

19-year-old Hilary Duff reportedly got drunk at club Hyde with her sister last Thursday and was seen teetering into the women's restroom with one of her girlfriends and a flamboyant male friend. "It was kind of inappropriate," the onlooker sneers. "She was pretty drunk and staggering around the bathroom, bumping into people and shrieking that her gay male friend had a vagina so it was okay for him to be there." The sisters continued to party Paris Hilton-style throughout the night at a VIP table, where our source says they were "all over" their two man-dates. Haylie 21, whispered in the ear of her 30-ish-year-old date while kissing his neck. Hilary perched on her date's lap, laughing and flirting with her own older man. Says the source: "When I've seen Hilary out in the past, she has been relatively composed, but tonight she was acting pretty wild." I'm confused here. I always thought Hilary Duff was the good one. While Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan were snorting cocaine off bathroom floors Hilary Duff was the one driving her boyfriend away by refusing to have sex with him. And now this? Next you're gonna start telling me she's not a real live horse-woman. It's like my whole world is turning upside down!

P.P.T.V.

Foghat - Angel of Mercy/ Fool For the City 1999 This was taken from dad's last tour.

DAD

And now for a new feature of the Phile, simply called Dad. Next week on Feb. 7th, it'll be the 7th anniversary of my father passing away. So, from now on, pretty much every entry of the Phile will have a picture of my dad.

 

MOVIE BUZZ

Transformers: Here's your first look at Optimus Prime's head, which will probably be taken down quickly, so hurry over there. One of these days, we'll get some official images that won't "transform" into cease-and-desist letters.

Stardust:The first promo images from the epic fantasy film have been released. One has Michelle Pfeiffer and a couple of farm animals. Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter. What do you think this is? Sundance?

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Anyone else besides me excited that they're doing a live-action Chipmunk movie with a CGI Alvin, Simon and Theodore? And am I the only one to admit I LOVEd the old Saturday Morning Cartoon?

The Dark Knight: They're replacing Katie Holmes in the sequel. Plus, the Batmobile will be propelled entirely by the wind of fanboys' collective sigh of relief.

Captivity: Yeah, this is pretty much how I always fantasized how my own first date with Elisha Cuthbert would go.

The Hobbit: Sam Raimi is going around claiming he'll replace Peter Jackson on the Lord of the Rings prequels. Don't know who to root for here. Brain … about to … explode …

Rush Hour 3: There's a teaser trailer up. At least now we know what Chris Tucker has been doing for the past six years — hanging out at karaoke bars.

Well, that's about it for another entry. Please check out the Phile's revamped webshots page and the Phile's Myspace page. I will leave you with a random pic. Oh, one more thing: I still want to hit 2000 views by this Summer, so spread the word, not the turd.

 

 

 

 


 




 



 

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