Hello, kids, and welcome to the 101st entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Last Tuesday Jen and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Ten years! And I
am still alive. That's a decade, you know. We were planning on going to California for
our tenth, but right now California is already cooking, if you know what I mean. Those wildfires — what a mess; 1,500 homes have been destroyed. Today, Rodney King asked Mother Nature if we could all just get along. President Bush is in a tough spot. On one hand, he wants to be sympathetic to the people who’ve lost their homes; on the other, he doesn’t want to appear more sympathetic to the wealthy mostly white people who live in Malibu than he was to the people who lived in New Orleans. So what he’s doing tomorrow is he’s making a visit to LL Cool J’s house. This week Britney Spears hit another photographer. If she hits one more she gets a free medium Slurpee at 7-Eleven. Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is getting some heat for not campaigning hard enough. He hasn’t been to South Carolina in more than a month; he canceled his trip to New Hampshire, another important state; and then he scrapped a press conference on Saturday. He’s pretty laid back about the whole thing. He says his strategy is working though. In fact he’s just put out a new ad: “He’s lazy; he’s late; and he doesn’t give a damn. Fred Thompson is all American. Fred Thompson for president. Or not. Whatever.” David Beckham and the LA Galaxies played their final game of the year Sunday. They got shut out by Chicago. The loss means the Galaxies will not be playing the post season. Out of 13 teams only five didn’t make the playoffs, and the Galaxy was one of them. That $50 million a year they’re paying Beckham really paid off. He scored exactly zero goals during the season.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, this is the 101st entry of the Phile, so here are some facts about it. The very first post was originally done on Sept. 11th, 2005 with an editorial about 9/11. After that I posted four more lame entries with a few jokes (that were very rude) and a few dumb comments. In January of 2006 I deleted the Phile and started fresh with the Peverett Phile (Revisited) on Jan. 8th. That entry had no monologue, three jokes, and some pictures. The fonts were all messed up, and it looks messy now. The second entry had a top ten list under Canned Laughter and the first of Movie Buzz. I try to publish the entry every Thursday but during the summer of '06 when I was working at Star Wars Weekends, I posted on Sundays. I did the same this past year. Last summer as well the Phile had reached 2000 views. As far as the monologue goes, I get some jokes from Cona and Letterman and occassionally Leno, as well as make some up myself and from friends. Also, I refer to Wikipedia now and then. I want to thank everybody you reads the Phile thanks for reading, and I hope to do it for another 100 or so entries.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Clearwater man boarded a plane bound for Albany, NY at Tampa International Airport (TIA) Saturday with gunshot wounds. The Pinellas County sheriff's office said William J. Notaro, 37, was shot during a domestic dispute at an apartment complex in Dunedin. Deputies say a woman shot Notaro during an argument in the torso and arm. They say a friend helped him dress the wounds before making a pre-scheduled flight at TIA. Notaro endured a one hour flight to Charlotte, NC, where he had a layover. Deputies say the bleeding became noticeable as Notaro tried to change planes at the Charlotte Airport. Charlotte police said Notaro wanted to keep traveling to his final destination but airport police took him to the hospital instead. Deputies say he was treated at Carolinas Medical Center before resuming his journey to Albany to visit family. It's unclear how Notaro was able to get through security at TIA without anyone noticing he was injured. A TIA spokeswoman says Notaro didn't ask anyone for assistance and said people are able to pass through security with metal rods in their bodies. Deputies are following leads on a suspect, even though Notaro has indicated that he may not wish to prosecute.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1854
During the Crimean War's Battle of Balaclava, Lord Ragland orders the British cavalry corps on a suicide mission to capture artillery guns protected by 19,000 Russian troops. Hundreds are needlessly killed in what is later known as the Charge of the Light Brigade.
1913
Birthday of Klaus Barbie, infamous Nazi War Criminal. After World War II, US Intelligence helped the "Butcher of Lyons" enter Bolivia, where he lived openly for many years in the capital, La Paz. Barbie was finally deported to France in 1987.
1938
The Archbishop of Dubuque, the Most Reverend Francis J.L. Beckman, denounces the newfangled Swing music -- the latest craze -- as nothing more than "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber of young people." Its cannibalistic rhythms are said to lead one down the "primrose path to Hell."
1957
In chair number four of the barber shop at the Park Sheraton hotel in Manhattan, Mafia don Albert Anastasia is shot five times by the Gallo Brothers, under orders from Carlo Gambino.
1983
In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.
1991
On the way back from a Huey Lewis concert, rock promoter Bill Graham is killed when his helicopter hits high-voltage power lines in Vallejo, California.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Bonanza is disgusting. No, no, no ... not Bonanza with the Ponderosa! Hop Sing could always cook up a fine feast and the Cartwrights never fussed about hard labor. The episode title refers to Bonanza City, New Mexico. You know -- 40 days, 40 kids (well, 38 kids now and almost three weeks less), and no adults. Well, they say no adults, but believe me, it's the adults putting everything in motion. But it is indeed the kids of "Kid Nation" who make this show worth watching. It's the kids who, by being themselves, bring me entertainment each week. Oh, but Bonanza City is indeed disgusting. Or, it was before the adult push of the week. Okay, I know the show is heavily manipulated by the invisible adults who aren't there. No, it's not just in my mind. You can't see them except for Jonathan the host, but they're like gremlins hiding in the dark corners putting wacky ideas in the heads of these kids. I'm not crazy, I tell you! Shhh ... let me tell you a secret. It's the adults who write the journal to set up each episode theme. Yes, it's all a set-up in the world built by kids. Somehow, the kids in the town miraculously stumble upon the same problem as the town council leaders read about in the journal each week. I mean, this happens simultaneously. How spooky is that? This week, a half a dozen of the kids were complaining about how nasty their garbage dumping area was just as the town council read that they should do something about the garbage. Amazing! Of course, it can't be editing out of sequence ... or could it?
HEROES
For some reason I feel a little short changed by this episode of Heroes. Yes, there were plenty of twists and turns and moments of... "Wait! What the heck just happened," but I still feel that not enough progressed in the storylines I care about (mainly Hiro, Peter, HRG, and Sylar). There was just enough to make this episode not a waste of a Monday -- as if I had something better to do.
MOVIE BUZZ
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
A really odd poster shows only co-star Neil Patrick Harris and features the slogan "What Would NPH Do?" Apparently, not being afraid to look like he'd be happy sitting in a rowboat with Dumbledore, for one thing. I mean, what's with the unicorn?
I Am Legend
There's a new trailer in which we finally get to see the creepy albino vampire creatures who want to suck Will Smith's blood and have him join their ranks. You know, kind of like Will's good friends Tom and Katie.
Heather Mills Biopic
With her divorce settlement of £50 million still looming, the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. McCartney seriously wants Reese Witherspoon to star in the movie about her life. The unofficial working title of the film is All You Need Is Paul's Cash.
The Dark Knight
While there's no official word on when a full trailer will be ready, a candle burning down in a jack-o-lantern here has led to speculation that one may drop on Halloween. Or the candle is just a subtle message from producers to director Christopher Nolan about how much money is left in his budget.
Superman: The Man of Steel
With the Superman Returns screenwriters off the sequel, fan-favorite comic-book writer Mark Millar says he wants the job "like Hillary wants thin ankles." I hope if he gets the job, he does a complete revamp of ol' Supes the way Rudy likes to wear a dress now and again.
Rambo
Finally, we can now watch the first official trailer, complete with Sly in action and a very serious narrator who reminds us that we "know what he's capable of." If the narrator means mumbling his lines and making goofy grimaces, then yeah, we know.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The first picture of Jet Li in action has finally hit, and it features the martial-arts master's foot flying right at Brendan Fraser's face. Is it just me, or does the look on Li's face scream, "And this is for George of the Jungle!"
The Lovely Bones
Ryan Gosling's out and Mark Wahlberg's in as the grieving father. Reportedly, Peter Jackson fired Gosling because the young method actor gained so much weight for the part that he "looked like he was wearing a fat suit." Ironically, Jackson's first choice to play the grieving mom was John Travolta in drag, but he dropped out, too.
Child's Play
Apparently the sixth Chucky film will be a remake of the original rather than a sequel. Plus, this time all the murder weapons will be toys, too, including death by Easy Bake Oven.
Captain America
Gena Rowlands bragged in a TV interview that son Nick Cassavetes is going to direct. Yeesh, the only accomplishment my mom bragged about to people was when I started going poopie by myself.
Wll, that's it for another entry. I have a bad headache so I won't be able to add more stuff today. And I have to go pick Logan up from school. I do still want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so close. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
One's Too Many And A Hundred Ain't Enough
Hello, pholks, and welcome to the 100th entry of the Phile! Or as my wife calles it: one hundred days I wasted my time. You know, if the entries were years, it'll be a century. If the entries were pennies, it'll be a dollar. So, it's Biketoberfest time here in Florida, which
is not to be confused with the lesbian festival: Dyketoberfest. Wow, two jokes I made up myself, I am on a roll. Big week in Washington. President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, “Don’t tell me they lost your luggage.” Experts were worried about China’s reaction to President Bush’ meeting with the Dalai Lama. Bush said he doesn’t think his meeting with the Dalai Lama with damage our relationship with China. “But this might,” Bush said as he took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich. Yesterday, the world’s oldest blogger celebrated her birthday. She turned 108 years old. Unfortunately she only got two gifts — a bikini and a webcam. When she dies, I'll be the world's oldest blogger. The New York City subway system announced that it will hire 350 new workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the number of workers cleaning the subway to 350. Tiger Woods is getting his own sports drink Gatorade Tiger. I’m trying to get my own Snapple flavor. Jason, Snapple — Crapple. The New York Times reports England is fighting a war of the squirrels. Gray squirrels vs. red squirrels. This is bigger than Alien vs. Predator, Rosie vs. Trump. Here’s what’s going on: The red squirrel is a native of England. It’s a small brained, red-headed, big-eared creature. But now, there’s a new kid on the block: The American gray squirrel. He’s bigger, he’s obnoxious, his fur is so bushy it looks like fake fur. Earlier this year, Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he’s not even thinking about running for president because he’s thinking about the Heisman trophy. Britney Spears turned herself into police headquarters for a previous hit-and-run accident. While taking the mug shot photo, police said, “No, no Britney — we want a picture of your face.” At JFK airport the FBI arrested baggage handlers who apparently took part in a cocaine smuggling ring. The FBI became suspicious when they noticed the handlers were losing the luggage twice as fast. Madonna signed a 10-year record deal. That means she’ll be making records until she’s nearly 60. Instead of singing “express yourself,” she’ll be singing “I wet myself.” There’s a fair going on in Vienna. A divorce fair. This is the first time the words divorce and fair are being used together in the same sentence. It’s going to be a two-day extravaganza with lawyers, and mediators, and private detectives, fun-filled rides with signs on the rides that say, “You Must Be THIS Bitter to Go on This Ride.” What would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I need some Space Mountain. Matt Lauer sat down with Idaho senator and bathroom aficionado Larry Craig. Craig continues to deny that he solicited for sex. It was fun to watch the senator sit there with his wife talking about how gay he isn’t. I would have encouraged them to make love on camera to prove it. According to an article on the fashions and styles of the presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are the best dressed candidates. Not only that, Dennis Kucinich was voted the most likely to shop in the children’s department. Forbes magazine has come out with its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. This year’s list includes Oprah Winfrey and 300 members of her studio audience. Last Friday I got to play Goofy for a bit. I was so excited when I put on the costume. I was told, "Jason will no longer exist on the planet, and Goofy will take his place." When I told my wife, she said "You didn't really disappear, you just put on a costume."
DISNEY'S AMERICA
For more than 50 years, Disneyland has captured the imagination of its Guests with timeless fantasy worlds that enchant, delight and create memories that last a lifetime. This morning Disney CEO Bob Iger and Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo unveiled a significant expansion for The Disneyland Resort, bringing even more of the park's magic to Disney's California Adventure (DCA). This multi-year project, which will include fantastic new entertainment and major family-oriented attractions, is a continuation of the growth strategy for the Anaheim Resort Area, further solidifying its position as a multi-day, world-class tourist destination From Pirates and Disney Princess to "High School Musical" and The Year of a Million Dreams, consumer demand for outstanding Disney experiences has generated record performance at The Disneyland Resort over the last several years. This new vision for Disney's California Adventure will further satisfy this demand by creating even more opportunities for Guests to enjoy the best of Disney storytelling with new attractions featuring characters from The Little Mermaid and Toy Story, as well as the addition of an all-new themed "land" entirely dedicated to Cars. Spanning 12 acres, "Cars Land" will transport Guests to the heart of Radiator Springs, where they will meet all of their favorite characters from the film and experience three new attractions, a Cars-themed dine-in restaurant and retail. "Cars Land" is also a great example of how the full creative resources of Pixar are being used in amazing new ways to reinvent and expand Disney's California Adventure. Opening next summer, Toy Story Mania! will add an exciting element of interactivity and energy to the Paradise Pier area. The Little Mermaid attraction will highlight the film's most memorable scenes and songs, and an amazing new nighttime spectacular, Disney's World of Color, will incorporate water effects, colorful lighting and music to bring the story of Disney animation to life along the Paradise Pier waterfront. One of the most significant changes to the park will be the Entry Plaza and Gateway, where Imagineers will recreate the 1920s Hollywood that Walt Disney first experienced when he arrived from Kansas City with little more than his imagination and determination. Much as Disneyland's Main Street celebrates the nostalgia of Walt's childhood at the turn of the century, the new Walt Disney Plaza will welcome Guests to historic Los Angeles and pay homage to Walt's experiences as a young artist with big dreams. The park will remain open to Guests throughout the expansion process, but when officially dedicated in several years, the reinvented Disney's California Adventure will be an even better complement to Disney's flagship park.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
So, I told you about my experience being Goofy's "friend", right? Well, i got a nice e-mail about it. And this is what it said: What an honor we had this morning in helping make Jason's "Dream Come True" with an in costume experience. Thank you for allowing us to be part of this! We had a great time with the entire group (13-Professional Interns) and Jason Peverett (Epcot Cast Member with Disney 20 years).
It was not only fun to watch everyone "become friends" with their favorite Disney character, but truly amazing to see Jason's eyes light up and a genuine smile on his face after his experience. It is times like this, that we can all say, what an amazing company we work for! Where ALL of us have such a wonderful opportunity to make dreams come true both "on stage" and "back stage"! This will be a day we will never forget! A first for all of us! Thank you Jason for doing such a great job today! Again, thank you from the entire Entertainment Training Team!
R.I.P.
Deborah Kerr: Perennial loser. Six Oscar nominations and not a statue to show for it. She should have switched to porn.
Joey Bishop: If it wasn't for him. we'd be Regis-free...
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians. Rachel's Gentlemen's Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry. The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older. And given out by stripper Nurse Nancy.
TODAY IN HISTORY
I can't believe I forgot to do this pheature again last week. The most regularly done pheature and that's twice now I have forgotten about it.
1945
The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
1968
A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.
1969
In Hawaii, Jefferson Airplane member Paul Kantner is charged with possession of Maui Wowie. "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there."
1974
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opensin theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, so you know this is the 100th entry of the Phile, right? Well, here's some other 100 facts.
The number of years in a century.
A 100 year old person is known as a centenarian.
The number of runs required for a cricket batsman to score a Century, a significant milestone.
The number of pounds in an American short hundredweight.
The number of subunits into which many of the world's currencies are divided; for example, one euro is one hundred cents and one Pound Sterling is one hundred pence.
The denomination of the U.S. hundred-dollar bill with Benjamin Franklin's portrait; the "Benjamin" is the largest U.S. bill in print.
The denomination of American savings bonds with Thomas Jefferson's portrait.
The denomination of American treasury bonds with Andrew Jackson's portrait.
The number of the first folder of photos in the DCIM folder created by a brand-new digital camera (or after a change of memory card if the camera is set to auto-reset numbering).
The number of tiles in a standard Scrabble set.
In Greece, India and Israel, 100 is the police telephone number.
In Belgium, 100 is the ambulance telephone number.
In United Kingdom, 100 is the operator telephone number.
Hundred Days, aka the Waterloo Campaign.
"The First Hundred Days" is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States' performance at the beginning of his term.
The record number of points scored in one NBA game, set by Wilt Chamberlain on March 2, 1962.
100 is the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with its request.
On "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", "The Hundred" refers to a group of 100 young changelings sent out to explore the galaxy.
Historical years: AD 100 or 100 BC.
The minimum distance in yards for a Par 3 on a golf course.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why did the guy cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: What’s a redneck fortune cookie? A: A piece of corn bread with a food stamp baked inside.
Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Is it me or was there really not much to get up in arms about this week on "Kid Nation"? No killed animals, no steer taunting, no religious rivalry, no bullying. What's this show coming to, eh? Well, there was a smattering of bad behavior, but we're talking kids here. Some of these kids could be teensy adults, y'know. A lot of them certainly are more worldly than I was at their ages. And, the show reminded me that I should really study up on the chronological order of US Presidents. I definitely know the ones in my own lifetime, but I surely would put Taft in the wrong place.
HEROES
This week saw the introduction of Micah's extended family, the return of a clean-shaved Nathan Petrelli and the answer to who is Molly's monster. This episode was pretty boring and uneventful. Minus the big twist with Parkman's dad being the man in Molly's nightmares, I didn't feel like the story progressed much. I guess Nathan shaved his beard, which should be enough of an accomplishment for one episode, but somehow I felt a little bit short changed at the end of the episode. However, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting Monica and the merger of the Sylar storyline into Maya and Alejandro's. The episode most likely felt stagnant not because of what they put in it, but rather what they left out: Peter and Hiro. This is the first episode of "Heroes" this season that we don't get to see the two biggest protagonists and their absence is greatly felt. Since their plots are either geographically or temporally removed from the others, it is easy to use them when necessary and set them on their own trajectory. I really hope that the writers don't plan on leaving their stories out too many times during the season, because I don't know what I would do without my favorite heroes.
Because Peter and Hiro's storylines are the most interesting, in my opinion (and that is why you read my right? for my opinions?), I would rather have their plots switch off from episode to episode (maybe covering more depth) than have to forgo their presence in an episode ever again. But that might be a little bit selfish of me. Plus next week Kristen Bell starts her story arc, which from the previews seems to revolve around Peter, so I doubt we will be seeing less of the younger Petrelli. Hopefully that doesn't come at the expense of missing out on some Hiro heroics.
GEEK TALK
Talk of a Wolverine movie have been ongoing since (I think) right after X2 came out, and the project has been moving forward (slowly but surely) since that time. Now comes word from Variety that the Hugh Jackman spinoff project has claimed a release date, changed its title (slightly), and promises some new mutants that we haven't seen yet ... as well as some old young friends. May 1, 2009, is when the Gavin Hood-directed Fox action movie will make its debut, and when it arrives it'll most likely be called X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- which means we can probably expect to hear some fresh news about X-Men Origins: Magneto some time soon. It also looks like Liev Schreiber is close to signing on as William Stryker. Yes, he'll be playing the younger version of the Brian Cox character from X2. According to Variety, the story "explores the claw-wielding character Wolverine's violent and romantic past, and his complex relationship with Victor Creed and the ominous Weapon X program, as well as his encounters with other mutants." (The Wolverine screenplay comes from Troy writer David Benioff.) And since Mr. Hood is presently scheduled to shoot some of Wolverine in New Orleans, that's led to some speculation that Gambit may be among the new mutants.
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
Seems like the Enterprise has finally gotten its new captain. Relative unknown Chris Pine will be starring as James Tiberius Kirk in the sci-fi redo. I just hope he doesn't fly too close to the sun, because then the ship will just reek of Pine Sol.
The Eye
In the spooky trailer, Jessica Alba stars as a blind woman who gets an eye transplant, but her new peepers force to have scary visions of ghosts. If she wants to see something really scary, she should be forced to watch Rise of the Silver Surfer in an endless loop. I'm just kidding, I loved that movie.
Trailer Trash
Torture-porn fiend Eli Roth says his next film of all-fake movie trailers will actually be a comedy in the vein of Monty Python and the HolyGrail. You know, I always felt that the Black Knight scene was the inspiration for the Hostel films.
J.C.V.D.
Who knew Jean Claude Van Damme could be funny? But he's a riot in the four-minute promo video in which he tries to win the lead role in his own biopic. Hey, screw the biopic. They should relaunch the Rush Hour franchise with him in the Jackie Chan role.
Kept
Producers of the Saw franchise are branching out, and their next film will be a more slash-happy semi-remake of Fatal Attraction, in which a businessman cheats on his wife while on a trip. The sick thing is he cheats on her with a creepy little puppet.
Hellraiser
Clive Barker's horror classic is getting an update by a French filmmaking duo, Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, who claim this won't be a strict remake and will star an all-new Pinhead. Gérard Depardieu, perhaps?
Burlesque
The next big Hollywood musical will be this one about a young woman who gets involved in the world of neo-burlesque, which director Steven Antin describes as "singing, dancing, comedy and more tease than striptease." You know, it's kind of refreshing when a filmmaker promises his movie will have less nudity instead of more.
Untraceable
Diane Lane tracks down a psycho killer in this trailer. The victims are slowly tortured and killed the more people visit a website called Kill With Me. Of course, they'd die much quicker if he called the site Free Pictures of Naked Celebrities.
Big Eyes
Ed Wood screenwriters Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski's next biopic will be on Margaret Keane, the woman who painted all those pictures of kids with big, black eyes. I can't look at that woman's work and not be completely freaked out after seeing that creepy little kid in The Grudge.
Benighted
They're making a film based on the novel in which 90 percent of the Earth's population are werewolves. Know who benefits the most when almost everyone is covered in fur? Shampoo companies.
Dune
The Kingdom's director Peter Berg is rumored to be filming another adaptation of the sci-fi novel about an alien who tames an army of giant worms. If he can train worms, I wonder if that dude could also talk to spiders. If so, I need him to come over and stop the swarms that keep invading my house, like, now.
Love Ranch
Joe Pesci's first major role in almost ten years will be starring alongside Helen Mirren. They'll play a real-life couple who opened the first legal brothel in Nevada. Shoot, I was hoping his big comeback would be in Gone Fishin' 2.
There you have it, phans, the 100th entry of the Phile. I am still hoping to have 3000 views by Christmas, and we're doing good so far. In next week's Phile, we'll take a look back at the last 100 entries, in Peverett Phile 101. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.
is not to be confused with the lesbian festival: Dyketoberfest. Wow, two jokes I made up myself, I am on a roll. Big week in Washington. President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, “Don’t tell me they lost your luggage.” Experts were worried about China’s reaction to President Bush’ meeting with the Dalai Lama. Bush said he doesn’t think his meeting with the Dalai Lama with damage our relationship with China. “But this might,” Bush said as he took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich. Yesterday, the world’s oldest blogger celebrated her birthday. She turned 108 years old. Unfortunately she only got two gifts — a bikini and a webcam. When she dies, I'll be the world's oldest blogger. The New York City subway system announced that it will hire 350 new workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the number of workers cleaning the subway to 350. Tiger Woods is getting his own sports drink Gatorade Tiger. I’m trying to get my own Snapple flavor. Jason, Snapple — Crapple. The New York Times reports England is fighting a war of the squirrels. Gray squirrels vs. red squirrels. This is bigger than Alien vs. Predator, Rosie vs. Trump. Here’s what’s going on: The red squirrel is a native of England. It’s a small brained, red-headed, big-eared creature. But now, there’s a new kid on the block: The American gray squirrel. He’s bigger, he’s obnoxious, his fur is so bushy it looks like fake fur. Earlier this year, Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he’s not even thinking about running for president because he’s thinking about the Heisman trophy. Britney Spears turned herself into police headquarters for a previous hit-and-run accident. While taking the mug shot photo, police said, “No, no Britney — we want a picture of your face.” At JFK airport the FBI arrested baggage handlers who apparently took part in a cocaine smuggling ring. The FBI became suspicious when they noticed the handlers were losing the luggage twice as fast. Madonna signed a 10-year record deal. That means she’ll be making records until she’s nearly 60. Instead of singing “express yourself,” she’ll be singing “I wet myself.” There’s a fair going on in Vienna. A divorce fair. This is the first time the words divorce and fair are being used together in the same sentence. It’s going to be a two-day extravaganza with lawyers, and mediators, and private detectives, fun-filled rides with signs on the rides that say, “You Must Be THIS Bitter to Go on This Ride.” What would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I need some Space Mountain. Matt Lauer sat down with Idaho senator and bathroom aficionado Larry Craig. Craig continues to deny that he solicited for sex. It was fun to watch the senator sit there with his wife talking about how gay he isn’t. I would have encouraged them to make love on camera to prove it. According to an article on the fashions and styles of the presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are the best dressed candidates. Not only that, Dennis Kucinich was voted the most likely to shop in the children’s department. Forbes magazine has come out with its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. This year’s list includes Oprah Winfrey and 300 members of her studio audience. Last Friday I got to play Goofy for a bit. I was so excited when I put on the costume. I was told, "Jason will no longer exist on the planet, and Goofy will take his place." When I told my wife, she said "You didn't really disappear, you just put on a costume."
DISNEY'S AMERICA
For more than 50 years, Disneyland has captured the imagination of its Guests with timeless fantasy worlds that enchant, delight and create memories that last a lifetime. This morning Disney CEO Bob Iger and Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo unveiled a significant expansion for The Disneyland Resort, bringing even more of the park's magic to Disney's California Adventure (DCA). This multi-year project, which will include fantastic new entertainment and major family-oriented attractions, is a continuation of the growth strategy for the Anaheim Resort Area, further solidifying its position as a multi-day, world-class tourist destination From Pirates and Disney Princess to "High School Musical" and The Year of a Million Dreams, consumer demand for outstanding Disney experiences has generated record performance at The Disneyland Resort over the last several years. This new vision for Disney's California Adventure will further satisfy this demand by creating even more opportunities for Guests to enjoy the best of Disney storytelling with new attractions featuring characters from The Little Mermaid and Toy Story, as well as the addition of an all-new themed "land" entirely dedicated to Cars. Spanning 12 acres, "Cars Land" will transport Guests to the heart of Radiator Springs, where they will meet all of their favorite characters from the film and experience three new attractions, a Cars-themed dine-in restaurant and retail. "Cars Land" is also a great example of how the full creative resources of Pixar are being used in amazing new ways to reinvent and expand Disney's California Adventure. Opening next summer, Toy Story Mania! will add an exciting element of interactivity and energy to the Paradise Pier area. The Little Mermaid attraction will highlight the film's most memorable scenes and songs, and an amazing new nighttime spectacular, Disney's World of Color, will incorporate water effects, colorful lighting and music to bring the story of Disney animation to life along the Paradise Pier waterfront. One of the most significant changes to the park will be the Entry Plaza and Gateway, where Imagineers will recreate the 1920s Hollywood that Walt Disney first experienced when he arrived from Kansas City with little more than his imagination and determination. Much as Disneyland's Main Street celebrates the nostalgia of Walt's childhood at the turn of the century, the new Walt Disney Plaza will welcome Guests to historic Los Angeles and pay homage to Walt's experiences as a young artist with big dreams. The park will remain open to Guests throughout the expansion process, but when officially dedicated in several years, the reinvented Disney's California Adventure will be an even better complement to Disney's flagship park.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
So, I told you about my experience being Goofy's "friend", right? Well, i got a nice e-mail about it. And this is what it said: What an honor we had this morning in helping make Jason's "Dream Come True" with an in costume experience. Thank you for allowing us to be part of this! We had a great time with the entire group (13-Professional Interns) and Jason Peverett (Epcot Cast Member with Disney 20 years).
It was not only fun to watch everyone "become friends" with their favorite Disney character, but truly amazing to see Jason's eyes light up and a genuine smile on his face after his experience. It is times like this, that we can all say, what an amazing company we work for! Where ALL of us have such a wonderful opportunity to make dreams come true both "on stage" and "back stage"! This will be a day we will never forget! A first for all of us! Thank you Jason for doing such a great job today! Again, thank you from the entire Entertainment Training Team!
R.I.P.
Deborah Kerr: Perennial loser. Six Oscar nominations and not a statue to show for it. She should have switched to porn.
Joey Bishop: If it wasn't for him. we'd be Regis-free...
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians. Rachel's Gentlemen's Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry. The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older. And given out by stripper Nurse Nancy.
TODAY IN HISTORY
I can't believe I forgot to do this pheature again last week. The most regularly done pheature and that's twice now I have forgotten about it.
1945
The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
1968
A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.
1969
In Hawaii, Jefferson Airplane member Paul Kantner is charged with possession of Maui Wowie. "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there."
1974
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opensin theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, so you know this is the 100th entry of the Phile, right? Well, here's some other 100 facts.
The number of years in a century.
A 100 year old person is known as a centenarian.
The number of runs required for a cricket batsman to score a Century, a significant milestone.
The number of pounds in an American short hundredweight.
The number of subunits into which many of the world's currencies are divided; for example, one euro is one hundred cents and one Pound Sterling is one hundred pence.
The denomination of the U.S. hundred-dollar bill with Benjamin Franklin's portrait; the "Benjamin" is the largest U.S. bill in print.
The denomination of American savings bonds with Thomas Jefferson's portrait.
The denomination of American treasury bonds with Andrew Jackson's portrait.
The number of the first folder of photos in the DCIM folder created by a brand-new digital camera (or after a change of memory card if the camera is set to auto-reset numbering).
The number of tiles in a standard Scrabble set.
In Greece, India and Israel, 100 is the police telephone number.
In Belgium, 100 is the ambulance telephone number.
In United Kingdom, 100 is the operator telephone number.
Hundred Days, aka the Waterloo Campaign.
"The First Hundred Days" is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States' performance at the beginning of his term.
The record number of points scored in one NBA game, set by Wilt Chamberlain on March 2, 1962.
100 is the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with its request.
On "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", "The Hundred" refers to a group of 100 young changelings sent out to explore the galaxy.
Historical years: AD 100 or 100 BC.
The minimum distance in yards for a Par 3 on a golf course.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why did the guy cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: What’s a redneck fortune cookie? A: A piece of corn bread with a food stamp baked inside.
Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Is it me or was there really not much to get up in arms about this week on "Kid Nation"? No killed animals, no steer taunting, no religious rivalry, no bullying. What's this show coming to, eh? Well, there was a smattering of bad behavior, but we're talking kids here. Some of these kids could be teensy adults, y'know. A lot of them certainly are more worldly than I was at their ages. And, the show reminded me that I should really study up on the chronological order of US Presidents. I definitely know the ones in my own lifetime, but I surely would put Taft in the wrong place.
HEROES
This week saw the introduction of Micah's extended family, the return of a clean-shaved Nathan Petrelli and the answer to who is Molly's monster. This episode was pretty boring and uneventful. Minus the big twist with Parkman's dad being the man in Molly's nightmares, I didn't feel like the story progressed much. I guess Nathan shaved his beard, which should be enough of an accomplishment for one episode, but somehow I felt a little bit short changed at the end of the episode. However, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting Monica and the merger of the Sylar storyline into Maya and Alejandro's. The episode most likely felt stagnant not because of what they put in it, but rather what they left out: Peter and Hiro. This is the first episode of "Heroes" this season that we don't get to see the two biggest protagonists and their absence is greatly felt. Since their plots are either geographically or temporally removed from the others, it is easy to use them when necessary and set them on their own trajectory. I really hope that the writers don't plan on leaving their stories out too many times during the season, because I don't know what I would do without my favorite heroes.
Because Peter and Hiro's storylines are the most interesting, in my opinion (and that is why you read my right? for my opinions?), I would rather have their plots switch off from episode to episode (maybe covering more depth) than have to forgo their presence in an episode ever again. But that might be a little bit selfish of me. Plus next week Kristen Bell starts her story arc, which from the previews seems to revolve around Peter, so I doubt we will be seeing less of the younger Petrelli. Hopefully that doesn't come at the expense of missing out on some Hiro heroics.
GEEK TALK
Talk of a Wolverine movie have been ongoing since (I think) right after X2 came out, and the project has been moving forward (slowly but surely) since that time. Now comes word from Variety that the Hugh Jackman spinoff project has claimed a release date, changed its title (slightly), and promises some new mutants that we haven't seen yet ... as well as some old young friends. May 1, 2009, is when the Gavin Hood-directed Fox action movie will make its debut, and when it arrives it'll most likely be called X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- which means we can probably expect to hear some fresh news about X-Men Origins: Magneto some time soon. It also looks like Liev Schreiber is close to signing on as William Stryker. Yes, he'll be playing the younger version of the Brian Cox character from X2. According to Variety, the story "explores the claw-wielding character Wolverine's violent and romantic past, and his complex relationship with Victor Creed and the ominous Weapon X program, as well as his encounters with other mutants." (The Wolverine screenplay comes from Troy writer David Benioff.) And since Mr. Hood is presently scheduled to shoot some of Wolverine in New Orleans, that's led to some speculation that Gambit may be among the new mutants.
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
Seems like the Enterprise has finally gotten its new captain. Relative unknown Chris Pine will be starring as James Tiberius Kirk in the sci-fi redo. I just hope he doesn't fly too close to the sun, because then the ship will just reek of Pine Sol.
The Eye
In the spooky trailer, Jessica Alba stars as a blind woman who gets an eye transplant, but her new peepers force to have scary visions of ghosts. If she wants to see something really scary, she should be forced to watch Rise of the Silver Surfer in an endless loop. I'm just kidding, I loved that movie.
Trailer Trash
Torture-porn fiend Eli Roth says his next film of all-fake movie trailers will actually be a comedy in the vein of Monty Python and the HolyGrail. You know, I always felt that the Black Knight scene was the inspiration for the Hostel films.
J.C.V.D.
Who knew Jean Claude Van Damme could be funny? But he's a riot in the four-minute promo video in which he tries to win the lead role in his own biopic. Hey, screw the biopic. They should relaunch the Rush Hour franchise with him in the Jackie Chan role.
Kept
Producers of the Saw franchise are branching out, and their next film will be a more slash-happy semi-remake of Fatal Attraction, in which a businessman cheats on his wife while on a trip. The sick thing is he cheats on her with a creepy little puppet.
Hellraiser
Clive Barker's horror classic is getting an update by a French filmmaking duo, Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, who claim this won't be a strict remake and will star an all-new Pinhead. Gérard Depardieu, perhaps?
Burlesque
The next big Hollywood musical will be this one about a young woman who gets involved in the world of neo-burlesque, which director Steven Antin describes as "singing, dancing, comedy and more tease than striptease." You know, it's kind of refreshing when a filmmaker promises his movie will have less nudity instead of more.
Untraceable
Diane Lane tracks down a psycho killer in this trailer. The victims are slowly tortured and killed the more people visit a website called Kill With Me. Of course, they'd die much quicker if he called the site Free Pictures of Naked Celebrities.
Big Eyes
Ed Wood screenwriters Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski's next biopic will be on Margaret Keane, the woman who painted all those pictures of kids with big, black eyes. I can't look at that woman's work and not be completely freaked out after seeing that creepy little kid in The Grudge.
Benighted
They're making a film based on the novel in which 90 percent of the Earth's population are werewolves. Know who benefits the most when almost everyone is covered in fur? Shampoo companies.
Dune
The Kingdom's director Peter Berg is rumored to be filming another adaptation of the sci-fi novel about an alien who tames an army of giant worms. If he can train worms, I wonder if that dude could also talk to spiders. If so, I need him to come over and stop the swarms that keep invading my house, like, now.
Love Ranch
Joe Pesci's first major role in almost ten years will be starring alongside Helen Mirren. They'll play a real-life couple who opened the first legal brothel in Nevada. Shoot, I was hoping his big comeback would be in Gone Fishin' 2.
There you have it, phans, the 100th entry of the Phile. I am still hoping to have 3000 views by Christmas, and we're doing good so far. In next week's Phile, we'll take a look back at the last 100 entries, in Peverett Phile 101. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A Vanilla Ice Cream Cone With A Chocolate Flake
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Thursday, October 4, 2007
Every Phile Comes Out Thursday
Hello, and welcome to another entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog, read all over the world. It's October and time for the new Phile. I so look forward to the brightly colored leaves. Oh, wait, I live in Florida, the leaves won't change. I love it because it's the only time of year that you can still say, "colored" and get away with it. Yes, this is my second favorite time of year. Second only to April when the leaves can best be described as, "sneaky Asians". The New York Knicks and coach Isaiah Thomas were found guilty of sexual harassment. The Knicks punishment is that they have to pay $11 million and Isaiah Thomas’ punishment is that he has to keep coaching the Knicks. At the White House, President Bush hosted a group of Muslims for a traditional Ramadan meal called the Iftar dinner. Last year’s Iftar dinner didn’t go so well after President Bush stood up and yelled, “Let’s get this party If-tarded.” A judge ruled that Britney Spears’ kids would be better off they go to live with Kevin Federline. The judge made the ruling after a six-month exhaustive search for an option C. It was announced that, over the summer, Hillary Clinton’s campaign raised $27 million, while Barack Obama’s campaign raised $22 million. In a related story, Dennis Kucinich found a nickel between the couch cushions. Two California cities may ban smoking in apartments. I don’t know about not smoking in your own apartment. Next think you know, you won’t be able to Google yourself. I don’t know if banning stuff really works. They banned alcohol in the 1920s. That didn’t really work. Well, it worked for some — the Kennedy family and Al Capone . . . Monday Epcot turned 25 years old and everybody celebrated. Not to feel left out, the Magic Kingdom said, "Hey, I'm 36."
On Tuesday it was Sting’s birthday! Not only Sting’s but Kelly Ripa’s too. Sting, Kelly Ripa, both lovely, both different. One is a sexy blonde perky love machine I’d like to wake up with in the morning, and the other is Kelly Ripa. Ha! Just kidding, I am not gay. It’s Oktober Fest in Germany. Thousands of Germans marching up and down the street, singing in unison. What could possibly go wrong? Tuesday was the premier of “Cavemen.” It’s about three cavemen who share an apartment: Fred, Barney, and Fabio. There were three different typesof cavemen: the Cromagnums, the Neanderthals, and before the Neanderthals, the Baldwins. Monday was the first day American citizens are required to have a passport to get into Mexico. Previously all you needed to get into Mexico is a hankering for diarrhea. Orlando Bloom may be off the market. He was seen kanoodling with Jennifer Aniston. I think he was lured in by the faint smell of Brad Pitt. If they get together, they’re going to need a name, like “Brangelina” or “Tomcat.” “Bloomifer,” or “Orlanniston.” “Orlanniston.” I don’t think that will work. It’s like an unstable country. Microsoft announced they may buy CISCO for $10 billion. How much money is $10 billion? Well, if you take what I earn, and add about $10 billion . . . You know what else? The Sex Pistols have announced they’re reuniting for the 30th anniversary of their album. It’s their 30th anniversary. They’re album was called, “Never Mind the Bollocks.” Mind my bollocks, because I’m tripping over them right now.
THE SOAP BOX
October is finally here and everyone in America is buzzing about our favorite national pastime. No, I'm not talking about processed foods and racism. I'm talking about baseball. The Major League playoffs are here and you can feel the manufactured, insincere excitement in the air. So in the immortal words of Hank Williams Jr., ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! Go Giants! Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon applied for -- and were granted -- a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau. Rick Salomon is best known for starring in, and selling the Paris Hilton sex tape. People wondering why Anderson would get involved with this douchebag need to remember that her last round of plastic surgery involved replacing her brain with salt water taffy. Salomon plans to release the honeymoon sex tape in IMAX format in order to display her breasts at their actual size. In sports news, the Mets suck. In political news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced Bill Johnson) recently stirred up controversy when he said there were no homosexuals in Iran. Never one to make an uninformed statement, Ahmadinejad previously had butt-sex with every man in Iran to see if any of them liked it. Turns out he was right. On behalf of America, I'm sorry we doubted you. Now go back to that sandpit you call a country, Saddam Lite.
MOST NEEDLESSLY DETAILED WIKIPEDIA ENTRIES
List of "7th Heaven"Episodes:
Basically, somebody pitched a show about a Protestant minister’s family to the WB, and that show ended up dragging on for 11 seasons and garnering a staggering 29,601-word Wikipedia entry. We’ve never seen the show, so we can’t judge, but ... No, you know what? It was probably pretty terrible. Word Count: 29,601. That's more words than The Old Man and the Sea (26,601). Can you guess how many times "7th Heaven" mentions ass? Not nearly as many times as it does “church,” I can tell you that.
DISNEY'S AMERICA
On the morning of Monday, Oct. 1, Guests and Cast Members gathered around Future World Fountain Stage and took part is a special Silver Anniversary Ceremony to commemorate Epcot's 25th anniversary. From talking about Figment to sharing stories about going around World Showcase, the audience was excited and ready to be a part of history. "There is so much energy here today," said Walt Disney World Ambassador Lowell Doringo prior to the ceremony. "Epcot is special because this is where it all began for me and to be here celebrating the 25th anniversary is amazing."
At 10:01 a.m., Walt Disney World Ambassador Michael Kelley kicked off the ceremony and welcomed everyone to the park where he first got his start. He then turned the podium over to emcee Tracy Wu. Tracy welcomed Cast Members representing Future World attractions and invited Erin Wallace, Walt Disney World senior vice president of Operations and Jim MacPhee, vice president of Epcot to the stage. The two Leaders talked about Walt Disney's vision, what makes Epcot so unique and even shared some personal memories. "I was here 25 years ago, working in the parking lot," Jim said. Moments later, Jim and Erin then welcomed Disney Legend and Walt Disney Imagineering Ambassador Marty Sklar. Marty talked about Walt's vision and shared some wise advice Walt once gave him: "You can educate people, but don't tell people you're doing it." Cast Members from Future World then left the stage and made room for Cast Members representing each of the 11 countries featured in World Showcase. Cast Members from each pavilion carried a pot of water from a river in that respective country to help recreate the dedication ceremony that took place a quarter-century ago. "Today on Oct. 1, 2007, we re-dedicate Epcot and ourselves to a new future that begins now," Marty said. With the dramatic gusts of water from the fountain behind the stage and fireworks exploding in the sky, the ceremony came to a close and Epcot officially turned 25.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
St. Petersburg televangelist Bill Keller has a message for Osama bin Laden: Convert to Christianity or face an eternity in hell. Keller flooded nearly 200 national and international Web hosting sites with a 10-minute video sermon over the weekend in hopes that it would reach bin Laden. In it, Keller, 49, calls bin Laden "a tool of Satan" who could escape the wrath of God by turning his life over to Christ and urging other Muslims to do the same. "You can become one of the greatest soul winners in human history," he said. "God could use you to deliver hundreds of thousands from the flames of hell to the glories of heaven." Keller said he chose the video format because it's bin Laden's preferred communication tool. Great. Evangelical jujitsu. Just wonderful...that'll help.
R.I.P.
Lois Maxwell, the definitive Miss Moneypenny in James Bond films: broke.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots’ uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five. “You know,” says one pilot to the other, “one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Let's see ... no animals were killed in the filming of last night's episode of "Kid Nation". A few outhouses might have received considerable damage, a lot of pizzas were wasted, and they made ten-year-old Taylor cry. Oh, I think she deserved some sort of comeuppance, but I still felt sorry for her when it came. I suppose she's going to have to deal with it, eh? This week's adult interference came in the form of the "journal" advising the council members to set a curfew. I think it was good advice in the long run because, after all, the kids were getting all hyped up in sugar-crazed root beer chugging parties into the wee hours of the night. Darn it, if they're going to get high on sugar, do it in the morning when they can work it off, right? I've decided I'm hooked on this show. While I don't like the adult direction in setting everything up and the advice from the journal each week, I enjoy these kids. Well, for the most part, that is. I want to see the day they make the unwise choice of rewards for completing a showdown within the set time span. I want to see them uprise and overthrow the town council. I want a revolution, kids! Er ... maybe not a revolution, I guess. I would love to see them stand up to the authority running the show, though. But, most of all, I find it refreshing that the kids on the show often show compassion towards one another. Plus, as the old Art Linkletter show showed us -- "Kids Say the Darndest Things". This week's winners for that were Taylor saying that President Bush had to be mean because you have to be bossy to get attention, Jared screaming "It's a twister! It's a twister!" and one of the girls saying it was hard to be there when the wind blows your face off. It's hard to run a town with your face blown off by the wind, yes it is.
HEROES
"Have you seen a scary white man?" - Hiro Nakamura, time traveler. Last week I told you pretty much scene by scene what happened on "Heroes." Most of you watched it, so I don't really have to go into to much detail, so I will just review the episodes instead. No Nikki, D.L., or Micah again. I really hope they eventually comeback into the fold, but to be honest there are enough story lines going on right now to keep them on the back burner. My knees are knocking though to see the next stage of Micah's powers. Also, there has been very little love for Ando and I want to see more of him on screen. At the end of the season last year, he established his own persona and became a hero in his own right and deserves a little more face time. I had a friend that was watching the episode and screamed, "I can't take it anymore. It's too much." He was just overwhelmed and he sat down and enjoyed the rest of the episode, but he did have a point. Multi-century, multi-story line, multi-continent, multi-language ... the Heroes has a multi of multis. The big budget (the Port Au Prince shots were vibrant and eye-catching) and epic feel will only carry so far. I have faith that the writers will not reach a peak and cop out (like they did with the season finale last spring). Hopefully, they have the foresight to know their current trajectory and how to make everything tie together.
GEEK TALK
We don't have to wait two years! We only have to wait one! In case you can't tell, I'm excited to hear the solo Wolverine spin-off will be hitting theaters in 2008, rather than 2009, as we've always thought. But is it true? According to IESB, it is. The site spoke with Wolverine director Gavin Hood -- twice -- and claims the guy said Fox is pushing the thing out next summer. However, Hood is also quoted as saying production doesn't even begin until either December or January and that it would take four months to shoot. So what is it, guys, is he starting filming in just under a month, or is he starting in a few months? Either way, I'm still excited to know it's going into production soon. Wolverine, which star Hugh Jackman and Wizard magazine discussed in-depth recently, will lens in Australia and New Zealand and will apparently feature "other mutants such as Gambit" (but probably not Gambit; Hood merely acknowledged that "other mutants" would appear, and that could simply refer to Sabretooth, who we already know about). Other than that, IESB was only able to confirm that Wolverine would be rated PG-13 and that Hood seems to see the X-Man's story as something out of opera or Greek mythology, which he is more familiar with than comic books. Despite my excitement as a fan of the comics and the character of Wolverine in particular. The opera/mythology stuff intrigues me, but I hope he'll at least do some research into the comic books, and I hope he's more kidding than half-kidding in his telling IESB that he's only doing the movie to pay for his twins' college tuition. Let's pray Hood wasn't right in initially telling Fox that he's the wrong guy for this.
MOVIE BUZZ
Cloverfield
The viral campaign of J.J. Abrams' monster movie was all the rage over the summer, but the latest update is just a photograph of an angry Japanese chef. If the climax of the film is that dude chopping the main creature into sushi, that could be kind of cool.
The Spirit
Frank Miller fell so much in love with the green-screen technique of Sin City that he told Eva Mendes this new film will be like "acting class" and objects will only exist if she touches them in the shot. Cool, I love mimes! I hope there's a scene where she gets trapped in a little box.
Wall-E
The cute little robot star of Pixar's next animated flick tackles the company's distinctive logo in the new trailer. Good. That bouncy little lamp needed his light knocked out years ago.
The Brood
David Cronenberg's creepy classic about a woman who sends her mutant children to kill her ex-husband is getting the remake treatment. I have the perfect casting: Britney, K-Fed and their two tykes.
Noah's Ark
Another Great Biblical Flood movie, but this time it will be from the animals' POV. That's not a bad idea. A better one? How about from the POV of the poor schlub who had to swab the deck behind all those animals?
Nightmare Academy
Screenwriter David Reynolds has been hired to write the first movie based on the first book of a trilogy about children who are trained to police bad dreams. Great, as if my nightmares about showing up at high school naked weren't bad enough, now I gotta worry about some nosy kids popping into them?
Baltimore, or the Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire
Blade and Batman Begins screenwriter David Goyer is so obsessed with bats that he's going to direct an adaptation of the graphic novel about a vampire who tries to rid the world of evil. His project after this? A Count Chocula biopic.
Gatchaman and Astroboy
The two classic Japanese anime are being updated and released in the U.S. They look great, but if they're successful and inspire a Pokemon revival, then we're all doomed.
Midnight Meat Train
There's the gory trailer about a photographer who snaps pictures of a serial killer who slices up his victims on the NYC subway, then hangs the bodies up in freezers in the meat-packing district.
The Eye
The original directors of the Jessica Alba horror film have been given the boot, and the movie will get two full weeks of reshoots from director Patrick Lussier. Hey, that plan worked so well for The Invasion, so why not?
The Party
Sacha Baron Cohen is allegedly eyeing a remake of the classic Peter Sellers comedy. Although, since he already brought a bag of his own excrement to a party in Borat, I shudder at the thought at what he might do in this film.
Well, there you have it, another entry of the Phile. We're getting close to 2700 views, and I want to hit 3000 by Christmas, so tell your friends on Facespace, Myspace or Facebook. Spread the word, not the turd. Until next week, thanks for reading...
On Tuesday it was Sting’s birthday! Not only Sting’s but Kelly Ripa’s too. Sting, Kelly Ripa, both lovely, both different. One is a sexy blonde perky love machine I’d like to wake up with in the morning, and the other is Kelly Ripa. Ha! Just kidding, I am not gay. It’s Oktober Fest in Germany. Thousands of Germans marching up and down the street, singing in unison. What could possibly go wrong? Tuesday was the premier of “Cavemen.” It’s about three cavemen who share an apartment: Fred, Barney, and Fabio. There were three different typesof cavemen: the Cromagnums, the Neanderthals, and before the Neanderthals, the Baldwins. Monday was the first day American citizens are required to have a passport to get into Mexico. Previously all you needed to get into Mexico is a hankering for diarrhea. Orlando Bloom may be off the market. He was seen kanoodling with Jennifer Aniston. I think he was lured in by the faint smell of Brad Pitt. If they get together, they’re going to need a name, like “Brangelina” or “Tomcat.” “Bloomifer,” or “Orlanniston.” “Orlanniston.” I don’t think that will work. It’s like an unstable country. Microsoft announced they may buy CISCO for $10 billion. How much money is $10 billion? Well, if you take what I earn, and add about $10 billion . . . You know what else? The Sex Pistols have announced they’re reuniting for the 30th anniversary of their album. It’s their 30th anniversary. They’re album was called, “Never Mind the Bollocks.” Mind my bollocks, because I’m tripping over them right now.
THE SOAP BOX
October is finally here and everyone in America is buzzing about our favorite national pastime. No, I'm not talking about processed foods and racism. I'm talking about baseball. The Major League playoffs are here and you can feel the manufactured, insincere excitement in the air. So in the immortal words of Hank Williams Jr., ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! Go Giants! Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon applied for -- and were granted -- a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau. Rick Salomon is best known for starring in, and selling the Paris Hilton sex tape. People wondering why Anderson would get involved with this douchebag need to remember that her last round of plastic surgery involved replacing her brain with salt water taffy. Salomon plans to release the honeymoon sex tape in IMAX format in order to display her breasts at their actual size. In sports news, the Mets suck. In political news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced Bill Johnson) recently stirred up controversy when he said there were no homosexuals in Iran. Never one to make an uninformed statement, Ahmadinejad previously had butt-sex with every man in Iran to see if any of them liked it. Turns out he was right. On behalf of America, I'm sorry we doubted you. Now go back to that sandpit you call a country, Saddam Lite.
MOST NEEDLESSLY DETAILED WIKIPEDIA ENTRIES
List of "7th Heaven"Episodes:
Basically, somebody pitched a show about a Protestant minister’s family to the WB, and that show ended up dragging on for 11 seasons and garnering a staggering 29,601-word Wikipedia entry. We’ve never seen the show, so we can’t judge, but ... No, you know what? It was probably pretty terrible. Word Count: 29,601. That's more words than The Old Man and the Sea (26,601). Can you guess how many times "7th Heaven" mentions ass? Not nearly as many times as it does “church,” I can tell you that.
DISNEY'S AMERICA
On the morning of Monday, Oct. 1, Guests and Cast Members gathered around Future World Fountain Stage and took part is a special Silver Anniversary Ceremony to commemorate Epcot's 25th anniversary. From talking about Figment to sharing stories about going around World Showcase, the audience was excited and ready to be a part of history. "There is so much energy here today," said Walt Disney World Ambassador Lowell Doringo prior to the ceremony. "Epcot is special because this is where it all began for me and to be here celebrating the 25th anniversary is amazing."
At 10:01 a.m., Walt Disney World Ambassador Michael Kelley kicked off the ceremony and welcomed everyone to the park where he first got his start. He then turned the podium over to emcee Tracy Wu. Tracy welcomed Cast Members representing Future World attractions and invited Erin Wallace, Walt Disney World senior vice president of Operations and Jim MacPhee, vice president of Epcot to the stage. The two Leaders talked about Walt Disney's vision, what makes Epcot so unique and even shared some personal memories. "I was here 25 years ago, working in the parking lot," Jim said. Moments later, Jim and Erin then welcomed Disney Legend and Walt Disney Imagineering Ambassador Marty Sklar. Marty talked about Walt's vision and shared some wise advice Walt once gave him: "You can educate people, but don't tell people you're doing it." Cast Members from Future World then left the stage and made room for Cast Members representing each of the 11 countries featured in World Showcase. Cast Members from each pavilion carried a pot of water from a river in that respective country to help recreate the dedication ceremony that took place a quarter-century ago. "Today on Oct. 1, 2007, we re-dedicate Epcot and ourselves to a new future that begins now," Marty said. With the dramatic gusts of water from the fountain behind the stage and fireworks exploding in the sky, the ceremony came to a close and Epcot officially turned 25.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
St. Petersburg televangelist Bill Keller has a message for Osama bin Laden: Convert to Christianity or face an eternity in hell. Keller flooded nearly 200 national and international Web hosting sites with a 10-minute video sermon over the weekend in hopes that it would reach bin Laden. In it, Keller, 49, calls bin Laden "a tool of Satan" who could escape the wrath of God by turning his life over to Christ and urging other Muslims to do the same. "You can become one of the greatest soul winners in human history," he said. "God could use you to deliver hundreds of thousands from the flames of hell to the glories of heaven." Keller said he chose the video format because it's bin Laden's preferred communication tool. Great. Evangelical jujitsu. Just wonderful...that'll help.
R.I.P.
Lois Maxwell, the definitive Miss Moneypenny in James Bond films: broke.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots’ uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five. “You know,” says one pilot to the other, “one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Let's see ... no animals were killed in the filming of last night's episode of "Kid Nation". A few outhouses might have received considerable damage, a lot of pizzas were wasted, and they made ten-year-old Taylor cry. Oh, I think she deserved some sort of comeuppance, but I still felt sorry for her when it came. I suppose she's going to have to deal with it, eh? This week's adult interference came in the form of the "journal" advising the council members to set a curfew. I think it was good advice in the long run because, after all, the kids were getting all hyped up in sugar-crazed root beer chugging parties into the wee hours of the night. Darn it, if they're going to get high on sugar, do it in the morning when they can work it off, right? I've decided I'm hooked on this show. While I don't like the adult direction in setting everything up and the advice from the journal each week, I enjoy these kids. Well, for the most part, that is. I want to see the day they make the unwise choice of rewards for completing a showdown within the set time span. I want to see them uprise and overthrow the town council. I want a revolution, kids! Er ... maybe not a revolution, I guess. I would love to see them stand up to the authority running the show, though. But, most of all, I find it refreshing that the kids on the show often show compassion towards one another. Plus, as the old Art Linkletter show showed us -- "Kids Say the Darndest Things". This week's winners for that were Taylor saying that President Bush had to be mean because you have to be bossy to get attention, Jared screaming "It's a twister! It's a twister!" and one of the girls saying it was hard to be there when the wind blows your face off. It's hard to run a town with your face blown off by the wind, yes it is.
HEROES
"Have you seen a scary white man?" - Hiro Nakamura, time traveler. Last week I told you pretty much scene by scene what happened on "Heroes." Most of you watched it, so I don't really have to go into to much detail, so I will just review the episodes instead. No Nikki, D.L., or Micah again. I really hope they eventually comeback into the fold, but to be honest there are enough story lines going on right now to keep them on the back burner. My knees are knocking though to see the next stage of Micah's powers. Also, there has been very little love for Ando and I want to see more of him on screen. At the end of the season last year, he established his own persona and became a hero in his own right and deserves a little more face time. I had a friend that was watching the episode and screamed, "I can't take it anymore. It's too much." He was just overwhelmed and he sat down and enjoyed the rest of the episode, but he did have a point. Multi-century, multi-story line, multi-continent, multi-language ... the Heroes has a multi of multis. The big budget (the Port Au Prince shots were vibrant and eye-catching) and epic feel will only carry so far. I have faith that the writers will not reach a peak and cop out (like they did with the season finale last spring). Hopefully, they have the foresight to know their current trajectory and how to make everything tie together.
GEEK TALK
We don't have to wait two years! We only have to wait one! In case you can't tell, I'm excited to hear the solo Wolverine spin-off will be hitting theaters in 2008, rather than 2009, as we've always thought. But is it true? According to IESB, it is. The site spoke with Wolverine director Gavin Hood -- twice -- and claims the guy said Fox is pushing the thing out next summer. However, Hood is also quoted as saying production doesn't even begin until either December or January and that it would take four months to shoot. So what is it, guys, is he starting filming in just under a month, or is he starting in a few months? Either way, I'm still excited to know it's going into production soon. Wolverine, which star Hugh Jackman and Wizard magazine discussed in-depth recently, will lens in Australia and New Zealand and will apparently feature "other mutants such as Gambit" (but probably not Gambit; Hood merely acknowledged that "other mutants" would appear, and that could simply refer to Sabretooth, who we already know about). Other than that, IESB was only able to confirm that Wolverine would be rated PG-13 and that Hood seems to see the X-Man's story as something out of opera or Greek mythology, which he is more familiar with than comic books. Despite my excitement as a fan of the comics and the character of Wolverine in particular. The opera/mythology stuff intrigues me, but I hope he'll at least do some research into the comic books, and I hope he's more kidding than half-kidding in his telling IESB that he's only doing the movie to pay for his twins' college tuition. Let's pray Hood wasn't right in initially telling Fox that he's the wrong guy for this.
MOVIE BUZZ
Cloverfield
The viral campaign of J.J. Abrams' monster movie was all the rage over the summer, but the latest update is just a photograph of an angry Japanese chef. If the climax of the film is that dude chopping the main creature into sushi, that could be kind of cool.
The Spirit
Frank Miller fell so much in love with the green-screen technique of Sin City that he told Eva Mendes this new film will be like "acting class" and objects will only exist if she touches them in the shot. Cool, I love mimes! I hope there's a scene where she gets trapped in a little box.
Wall-E
The cute little robot star of Pixar's next animated flick tackles the company's distinctive logo in the new trailer. Good. That bouncy little lamp needed his light knocked out years ago.
The Brood
David Cronenberg's creepy classic about a woman who sends her mutant children to kill her ex-husband is getting the remake treatment. I have the perfect casting: Britney, K-Fed and their two tykes.
Noah's Ark
Another Great Biblical Flood movie, but this time it will be from the animals' POV. That's not a bad idea. A better one? How about from the POV of the poor schlub who had to swab the deck behind all those animals?
Nightmare Academy
Screenwriter David Reynolds has been hired to write the first movie based on the first book of a trilogy about children who are trained to police bad dreams. Great, as if my nightmares about showing up at high school naked weren't bad enough, now I gotta worry about some nosy kids popping into them?
Baltimore, or the Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire
Blade and Batman Begins screenwriter David Goyer is so obsessed with bats that he's going to direct an adaptation of the graphic novel about a vampire who tries to rid the world of evil. His project after this? A Count Chocula biopic.
Gatchaman and Astroboy
The two classic Japanese anime are being updated and released in the U.S. They look great, but if they're successful and inspire a Pokemon revival, then we're all doomed.
Midnight Meat Train
There's the gory trailer about a photographer who snaps pictures of a serial killer who slices up his victims on the NYC subway, then hangs the bodies up in freezers in the meat-packing district.
The Eye
The original directors of the Jessica Alba horror film have been given the boot, and the movie will get two full weeks of reshoots from director Patrick Lussier. Hey, that plan worked so well for The Invasion, so why not?
The Party
Sacha Baron Cohen is allegedly eyeing a remake of the classic Peter Sellers comedy. Although, since he already brought a bag of his own excrement to a party in Borat, I shudder at the thought at what he might do in this film.
Well, there you have it, another entry of the Phile. We're getting close to 2700 views, and I want to hit 3000 by Christmas, so tell your friends on Facespace, Myspace or Facebook. Spread the word, not the turd. Until next week, thanks for reading...