Sunday, June 10, 2007

Feel The Force

Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the most read, the most updated blog on the internet. I am your host Darth Jason. This weekend again I worked at Star Wars Weekends at the Disney/MGM Studios. I got to work at the Ray Park autograph line. For those of you that don't know, Ray played Darth Maul in Episode 1. He was a great guy and was really good with his fans. Later in the blog I'll have some info on him under Sharpening Axes. Anyway, he was really cool and personable. I sad to him, "Can you sing that "Ghostbusters song?" He did not get the joke, but other people did. His manager had to explain it to him. I did get to ask him, "How does it feel to have died in every movie that you made?" He said he was getting used to it. Al Gore made an appearance in Chicago, and at one point the crowd started cheering, "Run, Al run.” They weren’t talking about the presidency, they just thought he was fat. At the G-8 summit, President Bush had a meeting with rock star Bono. There was an awkward moment when Bush praised Bono and his band, UTube. There’s a rumor that Sen. Hillary Clinton had some plastic surgery. Friends of Hillary denied the rumors saying, "Believe it or not, that’s her natural forced smile.” Bob Barker taped his final episode of "The Price Is Right.” Experts say it’s a sad day for television, but a great day for pets who want to keep their testicles. The latest rumor in Hollywood is that Nicole Ritchie is pregnant. Ritchie has responded by saying, "I’m not pregnant. I just ate a grape.” Paris Hilton is in prison right now. Officials had to turn away a delivery man who was trying to deliver a fruit basket. After hearing about it, Paris said, "Can I just have the banana?” There’s a man suing the maker of an energy drink, claiming the drink gave him an endless erection. This means you can sue people who have that kind of effect on you. See you in court, Kelly Clarkson. These kids with roller wheels on their shoes are causing accidents. Kids with wheels on there shoes. Three things you should never mix: kids, shoes, wheels. It’s a perfect mix: kids, shoes, wheels, ER.
It’s always the same with new inventions. I can remember when calculators came out. We weren’t allowed to use calculators in school. The teachers would say, "Calculators prevent you from learning arithmetic.” I’d say, "I’m going to work at Disney World.” "Well, you’ll need arithmetic to count your crushed dreams.” Scooter Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison. Afterwards, Scooter said, "I just hope I have the chance to clear my incredibly stupid name.” According to a new survey, most women couldn’t care less about the size of a man’s penis. This was a survey in this month’s "If Only It Were True” magazine. During the Democratic debate, all the candidates said if they were elected, they would get rid of the military’s "don’t ask, don’t tell policy” for gay soldiers. "Don’t ask, don’t tell” would be replaced by a new policy, "Don’t tell me you’re wearing those boots with that gun.” After serving eight years in jail, assisted suicide doctor Jack Kenvorkian was on "Larry King Live.” When Kevorkian saw Larry King he said, "I swear, he was like that when I got here.”
A new fertility test is being developed that will allow men and women to test their fertility at home. The new home fertility test will be called sex. Lindsay Lohan out of rehab, then back in rehab. Lindsay Lohan’s 21st birthday party was going to be sponsored by a brand of vodka. If your birthday party is sponsored by a vodka company, perhaps you’re not taking the whole sobriety thing seriously. That’s like the NRA hosting Dick Cheney’s duck hunt.


BRIGHTON, England - With strategically placed helmets and slogans painted on bare skin, scores of people shed their clothes and rode through this seaside resort on their bicycles Saturday to promote cycling as an environmentally friendly mode of transport. "It is time more motorists stripped off their armor plating and moved around more gently on this earth," said Duncan Blinkhorn, 45, one of the event's organizers.
More than 200 cyclists in various stages of undress took part in the World Naked Bike Ride in Brighton and Hove, sister cities on the southern coast of England, to promote cycling. Cyclists met with police chiefs ahead of the seven-mile ride to seek their advice about avoiding problems or formal complaints about the nudity. "This is a fun, if outrageous, way to make the serious point that we should not have to tolerate roads, cities and a planet dominated by the brutishness of cars that routinely foul the air we all breathe, destroy lives and impoverish the environment," Blinkhorn said. "Bikes and naked bodies harm nobody. Car fumes and accidents kill tens of thousands every year in the UK alone and are driving us all to climate chaos." Similar events took place Friday in the cities of Manchester, York and Southhampton, and were expected in other countries, too. Why couldn't this happen in Minneola?


Niki/Jessica Sanders from "Heroes"played by: Ali Larter. You've got two hot moms in one: sweet, caring, regular-gal Niki and butt-kicking, sexy, super-powered Jessica. How could this dynamic duo not combine their forces to be the hottest mom in all of TV land?


Bridget Bishop is hanged at Gallows Hill near Salem, Massachusetts after having been convicted of "certaine Detestable Arts called Witchcraft & Sorceries." Bishop is just the first casualty of what will come to be known as the Salem Witch Trials.
The town of Lidice (Loditz) is liquidated by the Nazis as penalty for the assassination of Adolf Hitler's favorite general, Reinhard Heydrich. Every adult male is killed, the women sent to the camps, and the town bulldozed.
The 17-year-old grandson of J. Paul Getty is abducted in Rome. When the kidnappers demand a $17 million ransom, the billionaire refuses. "I have 14 other grandchildren, and if I pay one penny now, then I will have 14 kidnapped grandchildren." After the grandson's severed ear arrives in the mail, Getty finally coughs up the money.
Percy Wood, president of United Airlines, receives a parcel at his home in Lake Forest, Illinois. Inside is a copy of the book Ice Brothers by Sloan Wilson. When he opens the book, it suddenly explodes, throwing shrapnel into Wood's hands, face, and thigh. The book turns out to be a present from the Unabomber.
Outside on the front lawn of his Miami home, Russell Cameron is covered with trash and doused with gasoline. Then his lunatic nephew, Thomas Pellechio, sets the pile on fire and runs away. When police arrive, they discover a 12.5 inch Oriental sword in Cameron's rectum, rammed in all the way up to the hilt.


Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? A: His partners.

When you apply for welfare in Mexico, what does the government give you? A: A map of the United States.

Satan greets a new arrival in hell by showing him three doors from which the man must choose how he'll spend eternity. Behind the first door, there's a man hanging above a pit of flames. The new guy shakes his head and they move to the second door. Here, there's a man chained to the wall being tortured. Again, the man takes a pass and they go to the third door, where an old man is getting oral gratification from an attractive young woman. "Looks O.K. to me," the man says. "I'll take it!" "Excellent," Satan says. "Lady, your replacement is here."


Tuesday's "On The Lot" was a definite improvement over last weeks, but that's kind of like saying being forced fed one turd sandwich is better than being force fed two. At the end of the day, you're still eating a turd sandwich. Never in my history of TV watching have I encountered a show so maligned by schizophrenia. The producers of "On The Lot" know they want to find "the next great Hollywood film director," but they have absolutely no clue what the means are to reach this end. And what's the deal with Adriana Costa? I created a drinking game that revolved around one of them taking a shot every time she botched a line. For reasons that I haven't quite figured out, only five directors showed their films tonight. The films were three minutes in length and shot over a period of five days in what appeared to be the director's home towns.
I've given up on trying to understand why things are happening and intend to just focus on the only thing this show has going for it - the films. I almost forgot. This week the guest judge was Michael Bay, director of some of America's most treasured movies like Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and The Island...Um, is this really the guy aspiring directors want to be taking critiques from?
If they don't change things on us, we'll find out who's going home next week.


Raymond Park (born August 23, 1974), better known as Ray Park, is a Scottish stunt man and actor. He is best known for his performance as the Sith Lord Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Park was born in the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow, Scotland, and lived in Govan, Glasgow until moving to London at the age of seven. It was at this age that he started training in Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, also known as Chin Woo Kung Fu. Seven years later he would also start training in wushu and gymnastics. He has since earned his 2nd degree black belt in Northern Shaolin Kung Fu. He has competed many times in martial arts competitions and brought home many awards for them including, at the age of 16, Great Britain's Martial Arts National Championship for his group. He competed as part of the British wushu team at the 1993 World Wushu Games in Malaysia. He began working in movies as a stunt double for the movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, doing the stunts for both Robin Shou (who played Liu Kang) and James Remar (who played Raiden). Park also did some cameos as monsters, including Baraka the Tarkata. All of these were non-speaking roles. Although his character Darth Maul briefly spoke in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, his voice was dubbed over with that of actor Peter Serafinowicz. In addition to this acting work, he has also been Christopher Walken's stunt double for the movie Sleepy Hollow. Walken's role was the Headless Horseman, and Park did the mimics in the scenes where the Horseman appears without his head. His first real speaking part came in X-Men in the part of Toad. Park's Toad was not very similar to the Toad in the X-Men comic books, but nevertheless he caught the public's eye. In one scene of this film, after sending Storm down an elevator shaft, he picks up a length of pipe and swings it around in much the same way he swung his dual-bladed lightsaber as Darth Maul, a signature wushu movement. He has been asked to become a superhero himself, instead of a villain, in a movie about Marvel Comics character Iron Fist, but the movie has been in preproduction for some years now. Iron Fist deals with an American millionaire who becomes a martial artist with the power of focusing his "life force" or chi into his fist,making it glow with energy and become "like unto a thing of iron" and able to impact with superhuman force. Along other comic book lines, Ray worked with comic book creator-turned-film-maker Kevin VanHook in the movie, Slayer starring in the dual roles of acrobatic twin vampires. This film also saw him appearing again with Sleepy Hollow co-star Casper Van Dien. He currently resides in Los Angeles with his wife, Lisa, and their daughter, Sienna. He is left handed, a trait he has shared with all characters he has played.


Although that might not be the name you were hoping for, at least it's not Brett Ratner. In fact, in this latest round of Wolverine rumors, Ratner's name is nowhere to be found -- instead, IESB reports that Fox is currently in talks with D.J Caruso to helm the Wolverine spin-off flick. Caruso, as most of you may know, helmed the box office hit Disturbia and recently appeared as a guest judge on the reality show "On the Lot". . I'm not too familiar with Caruso's comic book background, but he did direct one episode of "Smallville". So he's got that going for him, which is nice. Another name floating around IESB headquarters seems to be that of director Len Wiseman. He, of course, helmed the upcoming Live Free or Die Hard, and if that film kicks a ton of ass at the box office, he may quickly climb to the top of everyone's Wolverine wishlist. He also has two Underworld flicks under his belt, with an Underworld prequel also in the works, so it would probably make more sense, prequel-wise, to have him in there over Caruso. Since the story of this film is set before the X-Men movies, I imagine it will have a completely different look and feel -- one that warrants a new face behind the camera. Frankly, both Caruso and Wiseman would be good choices; one brings mood (Caruso), while the other brings action (Wiseman). What do you think of the two men currently on Fox's plate? Who would you choose?


Over on his official website, Michael Bay has put up an extended scene of Optimus Prime and Bonecrusher skating down an L.A. freeway. Hey, you can just put some hot pants on those robots, crank up some Earth, Wind & Fire, and he'll have a really cool remake of Roller Boogie.
G.I. Joe
Already predicting a big hit in Transformers (who wouldn't?), Hasbro is super-determined to bring more of their toys to the big screen, including their popular army guys. Except instead of battling their old nemesis Cobra, the Joes are gonna be fighting an angry horde of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Creepy illusionist Criss Angel says he'll star in an adaptation of the classic comic strip about a magician. I know these guys aren't supposed to spill their secrets, but that weirdo had also better come clean about how he scored with Cameron Diaz!
Die Hard 5
Bruce Willis says he'll do yet another sequel if only — get this — Justin Long, returns, too. And in a strange twist, Justin says he'll only do more of those Mac ads if Bruce takes over the role of PC.
The Flock
Claire Danes and Richard Gere stand around looking dumbfounded in the trailer for their new thriller. Actually, I had the same look on my face until I realized the entire thing was dubbed into Japanese.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
In his blog about filming the Guillermo del Toro sequel, actor Doug Jones lets slip that his aquatic character, Abe Sapien, is going to have a girlfriend. Ugh, the last time I saw a couple of slimy creatures gettin' it on was when I bought a packet of Sea Monkeys out of the back of a comic book as a kid.
The Great Debaters
Denzel Washington will star as a real-life college-debate-team coach. OK, now's the time to get all those jokes about him being a "master debater" out of our systems …
Cassandra's Dream
The Weinstein Co. has agreed to distribute Woody Allen's latest, which wraps up the director's trilogy of films set in England. When asked if he was going to continue shooting films overseas, Woody said, "Oh yes, I've seen London, I've seen France …" then mumbled something about Scarlett Johansson and Fruit of the Loom.
Lionsgate is redoing the classic comedy about camp counselors that starred Bill Murray. Um, between this and all the horror movie remakes lately, why does the cineplex remind me of when my parents first got cable?
Spy Hunter
Violent-video-game-to-film auteur Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil) will helm the long-gestating adaptation of the game about a high-tech car that shoots missiles. Great. Maybe after this he can get to work on my dream project, Donkey Kong Massacre.
The Last Caller
"American Idol" runner-up Katherine McPhee is going to star in her first feature film, a romantic comedy about a young woman trying to find herself. If she sucks in it, can we vote her out and replace her with a real actress?

That about wraps it up for another entry of the Phile, Phans. The next entry will be next Sunday (with a review of Surf's Up
). And then one more entry the next Sunday. Then, I don't know. On June 20th, we'll be closing on our new house and on the week of July 9th we will be moving, so... there might be a few weeks without the Phile being updated in July. I don't know what's going to happen, but I will definetly keep you posted. In the meantime, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.

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