The Force Is Strong In This One

Hello, and welcome to another Sunday edition of the Peverett Phile. Star Wars weekends is going well. The last three days I was with Jake Lloyd who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Menace. That kid (who is now 17) is one of the most down to earth famous people I know. He is from the opposite end of the spectrum from Peter 'Arsehole' Mayhew. Taylor Hicks is the new "American Idol”. Now to me he looks like one of those guys busted on "Dateline”. Al Gore has come out with a new movie on the environment and global warming. President Bush has seen it and was annoyed. In fact today Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. There was one dramatic moment in the movie when a glacier melts and they find more Gore ballots from the election. Last Wednesday Mexico President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. It’s official he’s the last one. Turn off the lights. They are all here now…don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Well that’s how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months. The Senate has passed a resolution to make English the official language of the United States. In fact today, President Bush said, "It’s the goodest news he’s heard in a long time.” According to a poll, 84% of Americans approve of making English the official language. I would be happy if we would just make English the office language of 7-11. Egypt says they are going to excavate what appears to be a 2000 year old roman city submerged in the Mediterranean. It’s been under water for over 2000 years and they are now going to dig it up. You know, FEMA was slow. Scientists said they have confirmed that some of Christopher Columbus’ remains were buried inside a Spanish cathedral. The rest of his remains they think are buried somewhere on a farm in Michigan. How is this for amazing? A seven year old boy named Braxton Bilbrey has become the youngest person ever to swim from Alcatraz Island to San Francisco. He broke the old record set by Elian Gonzalez. Here’s a shocking statistic, 1 in 136 Americans are currently behind bars. A more shocking statistic, 1 in 3 Kennedy’s are currently in a bar. Catholics still continuing to protest over the movie The Da Vinci Code. In fact, some priests are so angry they are refusing to take their alter boys to see it. How many have seen The Da Vinci Code? Or as the atheist call it Roots. Congratulations to Barry Bonds who got his 714th asterisk, whatever that means. Scientists say they can know teach birds grammar. And if this works they’re going to next do the same thing with President Bush. Hillary Clinton says that in her spare time she likes to download iTunes. We all know that in his spare time Bill likes to download interns. A realtor in Ogden, Utah inspecting a townhouse found 70,000 empty beer cans left behind by the former tenant. I didn’t know the Kennedy’s had a place in Utah.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Ratings for the tenth episode of the first season of the new series, Boom Town, on US television on the Sci Fi Channel, have come in: the telecast dropped a bit to a 1.03 with an average of 1.2 million viewers, down approximately 200,000 viewers from the previous week. Season-to-date, Sci Fi reports that Doctor Who is currently averaging a 1.28 household rating and an average audience of 1.5 million viewers for the season. The show did not air last Friday due to the US Memorial Day weekend holiday, but will return on Friday, June 2.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

 

Once they win Survivor, some people just can’t stop lying. Richard Hatch is in prison after being convicted of lying, and now Survivor Vanuatu winner Chris Daughtery may lose his job as an Ohio highway worker for lying to his supervisors about a show-related trip he took. Chris, who lied his way to victory on the show, “was [found] guilty of taking the unauthorized leave and of dishonesty for falsely claiming that he needed time off work because he was under stress and suffering from depression” by the Ohio Department of Transportation, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Chris was “denied a leave because he had used all but 29 hours of his vacation, sick leave and personal leave, [and then] Daugherty submitted a bogus excuse from a doctor in London, Ohio, that said he needed to take off a month because he was suffering from anxiety and depression.” Then he went to Germany and Italy for two weeks as part of a Survivor-related tour, for which he received $8,000. He told investigators he went “because my doctor thought it’d be good for me to relax and get away. It was recommended.”But the chief Ohio DOT investigator says “Daugherty’s claim that he had an illness which just happened’ to coincide with his Survivor’ tour is simply not credible.” The paper notes that Chris “was obligated to attend [the trip] under a contractual agreement with CBS.” However, it doesn’t say why he still had a $34,000 a year job “patching potholes, mowing and picking up litter” after winning $1 million.

P.P. T.V.

robot chicken-real world-metropolis A take on the Real World with superheroes from Robot Chicken.

Foghat - Slipped Tripped Fell In Love Foghat Slipped, Tripped Fell In Love video that was on MTV in the 80's.

SHARPENING AXES

 

This week I will answer the question: what is GPS? It's eleven o'clock ... do you know where your kids are? Would you like to? One way to track them would be to have a GPS receiver installed in the car! The GPS, or Global Positioning System, is one of the hottest technologies around, and no wonder. Consider these diverse uses: Minnesota scientists use GPS to study movements and feeding habits of deer. Surveyors used GPS to measure how the buildings shifted after the bombing in Oklahoma City. GPS help settle property disputes between land owners. Marine archaeologists use GPS to guide research vessels hunting for shipwrecks. GPS data has revealed that Mt. Everest is getting taller! GPS answers five questions simultaneously: "Where am I?" "Where am I going?" "Where are you?" "What's the best way to get there? "When will I get there?" GPS is the only system today that can show your exact position on the Earth anytime, in any weather, no matter where you are! Like so many other high-tech developments, GPS was designed by the U. S. military. The concept started in the late '60s but the first satellite wasn't launched until February 1978. In 1989 the Magellan Corp. introduced the first hand-held GPS receiver. In 1992 GPS was used in Operation Desert Storm. On March 1996 the President decided to make GPS free for civilian users. GPS has three 'segments': The space segment now consists of 28 satellites, each in its own orbit about 11,000 nautical miles above the Earth. The user segment consists of receivers, which you can hold in your hand or mount in your car. The control segment consists of ground stations (five of them, located around the world) that make sure the satellites are working properly. At first, the military did not want to let civilians use GPS, fearing that smugglers, terrorists, or hostile forces would use it. Finally, bowing to pressure from the companies that built the equipment, The Defense Department made GPS available for non-military purposes, with some restrictions. On May 1, 2000, President Clinton lifted the restrictions, and announced that the option to degrade civil GPS signals during emergencies would be phased out by 2010. The federal government is committed to providing GPS technology for peaceful uses on a worldwide basis, free of charge. Boy, I am just a dork sometimes.

 

R.I.P.

 

Paul Gleason, who played the go-to bad guy in Trading Places and the angry high school principal in The Breakfast Club, has died. He was 67. Gleason died at a local hospital Saturday of mesothelioma, a rare form of lung cancer linked to asbestos. Through his career, Gleason appeared in over 60 movies that included Die Hard, Johnny Be Good, and National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Most recently, Gleason made a handful of television appearances in hit shows such as "Friends" and "Seinfeld."

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

 

Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head and drives blondes crazy? A: A hundred-dollar bill.

Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Or three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: How can you tell a blonde has lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are sticky.

 

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

The answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy: sex toy. the snake was a vibrator. Now, what is this?

 

 

MOVIE BUZZ

Superman Returns: In the third trailer, a speeding bullet bounces right off the Man of Steel's eye. Deflecting all the "Superman in the closet" gossip — a little tougher.

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties: This may sound cruel, but I would rather stuff 1,000 kittens in a burlap sack and chuck 'em in a river than watch this trailer again.

The X-Files 2: Depending on which theory you believe, this long-lost sequel is either tangled up in lawsuits or coming to theaters next year. The truth is probably out there, but does anybody still care?

My Sexiest Year: Sure, global warming and never-ending Middle Eastern turmoil are signs that something is seriously screwed up here on planet Earth, but the real harbinger of the apocalypse is the green-lighting of another Frankie Muniz sex comedy. That's two in as many weeks. If there's a third, I'm heading for the bomb shelter. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my sexiest year was 1997.

Flushed Away: The trailer's going right down the crapper. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Last Monday Logan and I saw Over The Hedge. Voices of Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, Wanda Sykes, William Shatner, Nick Nolte, Thomas Haden Church, Allison Janney. A shifty raccoon enlists the help of forest creatures to steal food from a wasteful suburban McMansion development to stave off an angry bear. Kids will love it. Grown-ups will play Guess the Celebrity Voice and then forget they ever saw it. It's Madagascar in the suburbs. And if you've seen Madagascar or The Wild or Ice Age or Shark Tale or Chicken Little or [Insert any other cute animated animal movie here], then you will note that Over the Hedge is a little better than any of the ones on that list. But better doesn't mean great. It's funny enough and pointed enough (it wants to be satirical; more on that in a second), but not enough of either to make you forget Thumper. Or Flower. Or even Stitch. Close to the end — and this doesn't really count as a spoiler — there's a scene in which the hyperactive squirrel (the most endearing and well-designed character in the movie) drinks a caffeinated energy drink. I won't divulge any more details, but it kind of makes the whole 85 minutes worthwhile. Hey, Hollywood, serious about cutting budgets in these lean times? Why are you shelling out for these famous voices when kids don't care and all it does for adults is cause internal dissonance. You're like, "Oh, that's William Shatner. And that's Garry Shandling as the turtle." It's pointless. So, this movie is poking pointed fun at suburban waste, excess and consumerism, right? Then why are these animals all over the place on Wal-Mart commercials every single time I turn on my television? From 1 to 10, 10 being the best I give it a 9. I will get it when it comes out on DVD.

Well, that's about it. Don't forget to check out the Phile's webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs . I add pictures at least once a week. Also, check out the Peverett Phile Old Skool Pics webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/550521369CUGmXm . I hope everybody has a safe Memorial Day. We'll be having a big party at our house tomorrow. In a day or so don't be surprised to see pics from it on webshots. Remember to spread the word and not the turd. I will leave you with a random pic.

 

 

Execute Order Sixty-Six

Hello, and welcome to the Phile on a Sunday, thanks to Star Wars Weekends. More on that in a little bit. President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Australia at the White House the other day. The Australian Prime Minister asked Bush, "When was the last time you were down under?” And Bush said, "You must be thinking of the other president…Clinton.” According to a "Washington Post”- ABC News poll, Americans say they now trust Democrats more than Republicans to deal with Iraq, the economy, immigration and other issues. In fact if the election were held today…John Kerry would still lose. In his speech the other night President Bush called for the National Guard to patrol the U.S.-Mexican border. The guard will track down and find illegals. I don’t know, that’s not really what the guard’s job is. They’re trained to fight, not track and find people. Lets be honest, the guard couldn’t track and find President Bush when he was in the National Guard. President Bush said that 6000 National Guard troops will be on the border for one year. Preferably, an election year. Conservative Republicans are worried there’s no way to keep track of all the illegal immigrants - unless of course, they start making phone calls. Then we’ll know. Other than that we are screwed. "Forbes” magazine has come out with their list of the richest people in the world. Eighty-year-old Fidel Castro, Mr. Communism, is near the top of the list - they say he’s worth over $900-million. And today, when she heard this, Anna Nicole Smith hopped in an inner tube and started paddling to Cuba. Texas is considering raising the speed limit to 80 miles an hour in Texas. This way, drivers can try and get to a gas station before the prices go up again. The Tony nominations are out. The Oprah thing, "The Color Purple” has been nominated for 12 Tony’s. I’m thrilled, it’s nice to see something finally going Oprah’s way. Speaking of Tony’s a new musical is opening up about Vice President Cheney. It’s called "Cheney Get Your Gun”. And did you see that new Tom Hanks movie about Da Vinci's bathroom? The Da Vinci Camode.

P.P. T.V.

10 things I hate about the commandments  A trailer for a new teen movie.

Train Wreck - Fool for the City This was filmed May 15 at TC's Speakeasy open mic night. A cover of a Foghat song.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Ratings for the tenth episode of the first season of the new series, The Doctor Dances, on US television on the Sci Fi Channel, have come in: the telecast had a slightly improved household rating this week of 1.09 with an average of 1.4 million viewers, up nearly a quarter of a million viewers from the previous week's season low. Season-to-date, Sci Fi reports that Doctor Who is currently averaging a 1.30 household rating and an average audience of 1.5 million viewers for the season.

STAR WARS WEEKENDS

Beginning last Friday on May 19th and running through June 11, the favorite event of Star Wars aficionados, the sixth annual* "Star Wars Weekends" event runs for four weekends. All events are included with regular Disney-MGM Studios admission. The popular event is held on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of each week. [*The first event ran in 2000, but was not held in 2002.] And once again I am working it. The last few days I was at Peter 'I am an asshole' Mayhew's autograph table. The first day was his birthday so he started off happy, the second day he was moody and today he was a bore to work with. He arrived ten minutes late for the second session, and still wanted to leave at his regular time. On Friday i saw Joey Fontone from N'sync who recognized me from working with him at the Disney 50th press event last May and yesterday Serena Williams was there. Jen and Logan also visited me which was a nice surprise. You can see some pictures at the Peverett Phile webshots page. Anyway, there has been a change to the guest list for this year. Bonnie Maree Piesse says she cannot attend this year. Instead on the third weekend (Jun 2-4) there has been the addition of Orli Shoshan (Shaak Ti). Next year marks the 30th anniversary of the release of the original Star Wars film. Word is that next year's Star Wars Weekends will be the biggest, most extensive ever, including a special Star Wars-themed fireworks display.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

After last season’s lame race, which might as well have just taken place at Epcot’s World Showcase, The Amazing Race 9 rebounded, allowing its teams to completely circumnavigate the earth. The three remaining teams—Eric and Jeremy, BJ and Tyler, and Ray and Yolanda—ended up at the Red Rocks Amphitheater, exactly where they’d started. There, BJ and Tyler crossed the finish line first, after they came from behind to beat Eric and Jeremy at the final Roadblock. When it was down to just Eric and Jeremy and BJ and Tyler, I was rooting for the Frat Boys, who placed first or second every single leg except one. The Hippies, on the other hand, were almost eliminated twice, and saved by the damn nonelimination round. Alas, fairness has never been a part of the race, starting with the frequent equalizers. Earlier, all three teams ended up on the same flight to Denver, making it a particularly thrilling and tense final 20 minutes. Overall, the last episode didn’t offer quite as much fun as earlier legs, but there was plenty to laugh at:

• Explaining their first clue, Phil told us that “one of the elephants in ceremonial dress will give the teams a T-Mobile Sidekick, which contains their next clue” — and the producers’ integrity.
• “We gotta catch the Hippies and the Frat Girls,” Ray said, apparently having noticed exactly what the editors and the rest of the world has noticed about our friends.
• The teams found a clue on one of the giant electronic billboards in Shibuya Crossing which read “Find Hachiko.” Of course, Eric and Jeremy translated that as “hot chico,” and translating their bastardized Spanish version of Japanese into English gives us “hot boy.” Even pretending to speak other languages, they can’t help themselves.
• Transporting a woman inside a palanquin, either Eric or Jeremy said, “Hope we got a hot one.” When she came out from inside, Eric said, “This is like a naughty fantasy come true right here.” I’d try to understand exactly what was the fantasy and what was naughty about it, but that’d involve getting inside Eric’s head and sexual fantasies, and I haven’t yet had breakfast.
• When the woman climbed out from inside Ray and Yolanda’s palanquin, Ray told her, “You’re much heavier than you look.” These poor women; did they have any idea what they were signing up for?
• “Crazy foreigners coming through. Excuse us,” Tyler said in Japanese, which he knew because, as he said, “I’ve got a Japanese girlfriend who’s taught me Japanese.” It was quite impressive for a jackass.
• Rarely does the show’s composer deserve a mention, but here s/he does; as the teams were completing tasks in Japan, the music would sometimes shift to include a riff on/homage to The Vapors’ “Turning Japanese.” Clever and/or cliche.
• What does it say about me that the most jealous I’ve been of the teams this entire season is when they were required to ride crazy roller coasters at Fujikyu Highlands? All of the incredible cultural experiences they’ve experienced and amazing locations they’ve visited, and I envy their trip to an amusement park.
• Upset by their ability to navigate Japan, Eric said, “Those hippies and their damn language-knowing.” And you frat boys and your damn grammar-knowing.
• “Regurgitated some crickets,” Tyler said on a roller coaster.
• “Hey man! Oh Lord, let me get out of here. … He patted me on my damn… We don’t do that where I’m from,” Ray said after a man helped him with directions and then slapped him on the ass. Oh, how jealous Jeremy must be.
• “I like your beard,” a woman told Tyler. “My beard? Touch it,” he said. Jeremy, standing nearby, said, “You’re an idiot.” Because he knows something about beards.
• Perhaps the most hysterical race to the mat ever occurred when the teams had to pedal swan boats to a giant swan-shaped cruise ship; it’s not easy to look graceful pedaling madly.
• “Don’t tell anybody, but I was on the swan boat club in high school. I was actually the captain,” Jeremy said. Don’t worry; no one would have ever guessed, dude.
• “Shaking some vital organs today, baby!” Yolanda screamed on a coaster.
• BJ and Tyler left money for the penniless Ray and Yolanda, and wrote on the note, “P.S. If you win the million dollars, you owe us 20 bucks.”
• “If anyone asks, you’re going to pretend you don’t understand English,” BJ or Tyler told a hotel clerk, playing dirty once again. And it worked: “Well, we don’t have Internet service,” the hotel desk clerk lied to Eric and Jeremy. The Hippie’s dickish behaviorwould have been worse had Eric and Jeremy not found a better flight via the telephone.
• “You look like Janet Jackson,” a drunk businessman told Yolanda when they begged for money. “If it’s so funny, y’all give us money, then,” she said. After they did, she said, “I’ll tell Michael you said hey.”
• Okay, I’m kind of tired of the commercial break fake-outs; the editors are getting a little lazy. “Sorry, we cannot do it,” a ticket agent told Ray and Yolanda. But after the break, she suddenly was able to book them on a flight. Moral of the story: If something bad happens before a break, it’ll always be resolved after the break.
• In Alaska, Tyler said, “We made it to the North Pole.” Hopefully he’ll take some geography lessons with his prize money.
• BJ and Tyler pulled a Fran and Barry when, looking for snowshoes, they ran right by them more than once.
• “I’m gonna catch these suckers at the airport. It ain’t over yet,” Ray said. At the airport, when they caught up with the other three teams, he said, “I bet on black.”
• At the airport, Tyler was upset about the state of his team’s relationship with the Frat Boys. “Alright, boys. Is it the million dollars that’s tearing us apart?” he asked. Eric said, “Yep.” 
• “Start thinking in your head,” Jeremy said, apparently aware that Eric usually thinks with another part of his body.
• After winning, BJ and Tyler hugged for a long time, and Phil stood awkwardly by. Later BJ said the race is “good couple’s therapy.”
• Eric and Jeremy were totally depressed at the finish line, and Phil decided to rub it in, telling them, “you guys consistently finished at the front.” But you lost! Ha! “We didn’t know the last one would be brains, dammit,” Jeremy said of the final challenge.
• On the final mat, Phil referred to Jeremy as Eric’s “partner,” and when he said that, BJ and Tyler faked an embrace. Heh.
• “We’ve traveled the world and now we can decide where do we want to go next. And we’ll probably go together,” Jeremy said. And that, friends, is the perfect end to this season.

And for Survivor:

Yoga instructor Aras Baskauskas won Survivor Panama: Exile Island last night, beating Danielle by a five to two vote. Danielle came out of her coma to win the final and most consequential immunity challenge, and was faced with breaking her promise with Terry or breaking her promise with Aras. She chose to betray Terry, and he ultimately voted for Aras, whose competitive spirit Terry clearly admired. Ultimately, Danielle’s decision didn’t matter; Jeff Probst polled the jury during the live reunion and found that only two, Cirie and Bruce, would have voted for Danielle had she been up against Terry. Cirie was awarded a Yukon based upon audience voting at CBS.com, and that may help put her at ease, as she came in fourth place, losing the fire-building tiebreaker challenge to Danielle. With Aras’ win, six men and six women have no won Survivor; at 24, Aras is the youngest man to win.

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

Here is the answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy:

Okay, what is this one?

 

And now for a special version of Movie Buzz.

SUMMER MOVIE BUZZ

The Basics: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley looking sexy on a boat.
What's the Deal? Dreadlocked, gold-toothed and vice-ridden Jack Sparrow (Depp, still channeling Keith Richards) is trying to save his soul from Davy Jones' locker (Bill Nighy plays Jones). This naturally proves disruptive to the wedding of Will Turner (Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Knightley).
Why It's a Must: Depp's drunken–rock-star comic timing made Sparrow the star of the first Pirates, so he's front and center (usually running from an angry mob) in the second. Jack's misadventures naturally send the crew of the Black Pearl to some out-of-the-way locales, such as Singapore and, oh, yeah, purgatory.

The Basics: All-star mutants Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Hugh Jackman, Famke Janssen and Halle Berry return to flaunt their superpowers.
What's the Deal? One word: Phoenix. For those of you with no X-Men knowledge, that's Jean Grey (Janssen), resurrected and dangerous tothe whole damn world. And yeah, there's this whole mutant-vs.-human war thing that could destroy civilization, too.
Why It's a Must: Professor Xavier (Stewart) and Magneto (McKellen) once again battle, old-man–mutant–style, but the real dirt is in the soap-opera personal lives and new faces at Professor X's school. But where's Gambit already?

The Basics: Christopher Reeve look-alike Brandon Routh suits up as the new Man of Steel. Kate Bosworth swoons, Kevin Spacey plots, Brian Singer directs.
What's the Deal? What happens when Supe goes on vacation? Returning to Earth after six years, Kal-El questions his mission now that Lois Lane (Bosworth) has moved on and Lex Luthor (Spacey) wants to rumble. Talk about existential crisis!
Why It's a Must: Despite grumblings from Smallville over the noncasting of Tom Welling, Routh promises the same earnest nobility that Reeve radiated in his best moments. And did we mention Brian "X-Men, X2, The Usual Suspects" Singer?

The Basics: Surefire blockbuster formula: Start with a mammoth best seller, and then add a two-time Oscar winner (Tom Hanks), a cutie-pie Euro chick (Audrey Tautou) and Ron Howard.
What's the Deal? A murder at the Louvre intrigues American symbologist and chief suspect Robert Langdon (Hanks). With the help of a sexy cryptographer (Tautou), he unravels clues that explode lies about Jesus, the Vatican and the Holy Grail. Controversial? Why, what makes you say that?
Why It's a Must: So what if you read the book? So what if you didn't? The international cast and gorgeous locales promise an Indiana Jones–like adventure for religious-mystery lovers. Though the Ron Howard factor does give us brief pause.

The Basics: Oliver Stone tells the story of the worst terrorist attack on American soil through the eyes of two New York firefighters.
What's the Deal? Nicolas Cage and Michael Peña play two of the first firefighters on the scene after the planes hit and the last to be pulled alive from the rubble. The film follows their lives leading up to, during and after the fall of the Twin Towers.
Why It's a Must: Two words: Oliver Stone. Even when he's dressing up Colin Farrell in body armor, there's magic to his movies. And he's at his best when tragedy and human drama are involved. Enough said.

Well, that's it from me until next Sunday. Don't forget to check out my webshots page and the new webshots page: Peverett Phile Old Skool pics where I posted tons of pics from when I was a kid, and my family. Speaking of pics, I will leave you with a random pic.

 

 

Hump Day

Man, am I out of sync. My whole schedule is off since I have been off work since last Thursday, updated the Phile on Saturday and here we are on Wednesday and there's another update. I am working Star Wars Weekends Friday, Saturday and Sunday so won't be updating on Thursdays for the next few weeks. The regular updates will be Sundays, but as I updated last Saturday and not Sunday I thought I would put this weeks entry on Wednesday. If I haven't confused you already, Sunday will be the next update. As you know, President Bush announced a big change in our immigration policy. He's going to get one. President Bush is proposing sending six thousands National Guard troops to bolster patrols along the U.S.-Mexican border. Or as his calling it, "No Juan Left Behind." He said, "You can't take millions of people with deep roots in the country and send them across the border.” Really? Mexico did it. President Bush said that these troops will be at the border temporarily. You know, just until Mexico is ready to govern itself. Sound familiar? A British scientist has built a car he claims can get 8,000 miles on a gallon of gas. And today, Dick Cheney invited this guy to go hunting with him. Talk about an ordeal. Yesterday Senator Ted Kennedy was on an aircraft up here in the northeast and it was hit by lightning. They landed, luckily no one was hurt. But then he had to ride home from the airport with his son Patrick. Did you know O.J. Simpson now has his own show? It’s a prank type show like "Punk’d” where he plays pranks on people. Because when you think of hilarious pranks you think O.J.! Barry Bonds says that he is haunted by the ghost of Babe Ruth. Then someone let him know that the "boos” he is hearing are not from a ghost. Boy, gas just keeps going up doesn't it? In fact, the price of gas is so high now that today Congressman Patrick Kennedy walked into concrete barriers. The British Dental Association has reported there is a dentist shortage in England. Which is not surprising. I'm surprised there's British Dental Association. I can say that as I'm British!

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

Speaking of England: A girl is to become Britain's youngest mother after becoming pregnant at 11. The girl smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being eight months' pregnant. She conceived aged 11 when she lost her virginity to a boy of 15 on a drunken night out with friends. The 15-year-old has since been charged with rape by police, and is due to appear again at Edinburgh sheriff court on July 10. Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter. She will be 12 years and 8 months when she has the child next month. Jenny Teague, Britain's youngest mother until now, was a month older when she gave birth in 1997. The youngster, who lives near Edinburgh, says looking after her younger brothers has prepared her for motherhood. But the girl admits she "panics and cries" when babies are unwell and does not feel able to bathe them. The mother-to-be, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had unprotected sex with the teenage boy, who also cannot be identified, while drunk last August. Concerned she might be pregnant, the girl visited a GP three times but tests proved negative. She learned the truth after buying a home-testing kit from a supermarket. After the device displayed two blue lines, indicating she was pregnant, she pleaded with a female relative to break the news to her mother. The girl, who has been suspended from her first year of secondary school for fighting, said: "I was paranoid about what my mum was going to say and just frightened about being pregnant too. The girl, who has shoulder-length dark hair, began smoking at nine and started drinking tonic wine and vodka cocktails at ten. She claimed her cigarette habit was not harming the health of her unborn child. The girl, whose parents split up several years ago, said she would like a baby boy - and may call him Leo. She is currently being educated at a local community centre but knows she must return to school. The Scottish Conservatives has called for society and families to unite to change attitudes towards sex following the news. Yeesh.

TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK

In the last few days I have been off I have been watching 'Lost' on DVD. I got the Season One DVD set for Christmas and I am finally getting around to watching it. I know I am a year and a half late into the whole 'Lost' frenzy, but I am hooked. Anyway, watching it I came up with a number of theories about the show. For example, in 1978 a consortium of American business men artifically constructed the island for use as a military base. It was later used as a base for research into mental health and eugenics. Through this research they aimed to develop technology which could potentially develop psychic abilities. The plane crashed due to the reversal of the earth's magnetic field - an event which wiped out much of the Earth's population. The survivors of flight 815 are the reincarnations of various Greek deities and the so-called "monster" in the jungle is a form of malevolent extraterrestrial entity. There are two groups of Others. One group are loyal devotees of Alvar Hanso and the other are the crash survivors' future selves. "The incident" mentioned in the orientation film refers to a situation where experimental nanotechnology accidentally escaped from Dharma's laboratory and the pressing of the button every 108 minutes was part of an experiment which ended several yearsago and is no longer actually necessary - though the survisors do not know this. The numbers represent a physical constant which is central to the physics of time travel.

SEARCH ENGINE

Or you can file under: What The F? http://jasonpeverett.justgotowned.com/ Someone's idea of a sick joke.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You can't. They've always been like that.

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch, and we'll get started.

Q: What do they call reruns of "Hee-Haw" in Mississippi? A: Documentaries.

Q: What's the hardest part about rollerblading? A: Telling your Dad you're gay.

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

 

BROKEN

I think this is supposed to be a Scrapbook store.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

Self-explanatory. The last picture was of a sex toy.

Here is this week's picture. Is it a sex toy or baby toy?

And now for...

MOVIE BUZZ

X-Men 3:The Last Sand: In case you're so ADD that you can't sit through the seven-minute preview: Beast will make you laugh till you turn blue in the face, Professor X endorses Dell computers, the mutant X gene leaves one prone to wearing Goth clothes and Angel's dad, like, totally doesn't get what it's like being a mutant, man.

Miami Vice: Another trailer and still no pastel suits. I keep hoping Tubbs will bust some dealer, open up the trunk of his car and say, "Hey, Crockett — there are some totally awesome boat shoes and neon tank tops in here. Let's wear 'em!"

Snakes On A Plane: Hey, Sam, the clips you showed on Ellen's show is missing something — snakes!

The Fast And The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift: Spoilers Make You Furious?  Well, look who's back!

Uses Guys: Somebody finally realized that spending $90 million to make a movie about a universe in which women pay Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller to have sex with them is just not wise.

Parental Guidance Suggested: Here are two phrases I never wanted to see together in the same sentence: "Frankie Muniz" and "R-rated sex comedy."

Catwoman 2 Vs. Wall Street 2: Let's save some time and combine two unnecessary sequels — this time Catwoman squares off against The Gecko, a reptilian supervillain with suspenders and greasy hair.

Well, that's just about it. In the next Phile Movie Buzz will look at the Summer movies. In the meantime, check out the Peverett Phile's webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs/0 I will leave you with a random picture. Remember, spread the word and not the turd and the next entry will be Sunday.

 

 

The Peverett Code

Hello, and welcome to a weekend entry of the Phile. Thursday was out Innoventions Cast Picnic and I got home late and exhausted. You can see photos at the Peverett Phile webshots page by the way. It was so hot at the picnic I was sweating like a Kennedy trying to get car insurance. Well folks, tomorrow is Mother's Day. Are you ready? I tell you this Mother's Day is a real dilemma for a lot of people. I mean do you spend the $100 to get mom the dozen roses or use the $100 to fill up the gas to drive over and see mom? You know mother's day also the busiest long distance phone calling day of the year? Over 300 million long distance calls. And those are just the ones being monitored by the White House. In an interview on Florida television President Bush said he would like to see his brother Jeb become president. Hey, great campaign slogan, "Jeb Bush - couldn't do any worse." President Bush’s approval rating is at an all time low of 31%. To give you an idea how bad it is. If Bush could run again in the next presidential election he would lose to the bird flu. FEMA has closed their office in New Orleans. I guess they wanna get out of there before hurricane season hits. According to a new study released this week, in the last 10 years, oral sex among teenagers has doubled. So who says there's no Clinton legacy? Russia is still very upset over Vice President Dick Cheney's recent comments about that country. I'm sure the vice president has thought his words out carefully. He's not the kind of guy who just shoots from the hip. In an interview this week Senator Hillary Clinton said that on a personal level she finds president bush has charm and charisma and she enjoys his company. Which is pretty amazing considering she's never said that about Bill. This is one of the worst allergy seasons on record. It’s so bad that Rush Limbaugh says he’s addicted to Claritin. When I checked my mailbox yesterday I found an 18 page letter on my desk from the president of Iran. Did you know he dots his i’s with mushroom clouds? Seriously though, The president of Iran sent President Bush and 18 page letter. Yeah, right, like he’s going to read that! I am not a baseball fan at all, but I found this interesting: Barry Bonds is now one home run away from passing Babe Ruth. 714 home runs. Imagine what he could have done on steroids! Sad news, the last American survivor of the Titanic disaster, has died at the age of 99. The sad part. She was this close to shore. Okay, with that said, let's start the Phile before the week is over. I'm two days late already.

CANNED LAUGHTER

"What did Father say when he learned you're pregnant?" asked little Mary's mother. Little Mary answered, "Should I leave out the profanity?" "Yes, of course!" Mary's mom replied. "Nothing."

P.P.T.V.

First Mother's Day Her first, and last.

 

BROKEN

PLAINFIELD, Ind. -- A costly mistake at an Indiana gas station early Tuesday morning means the business is out a lot of money. The mistake at regular unleaded pumps at a Shell station in Plainfield allowed people to fill up for just pennies. Gas at the station was supposed to be $2.75 a gallon, but customers pulled up to the pumps to find a price of $.002 a gallon. The mistake was discovered early Tuesday morning, but several customers had already gotten away with a drastically low price fill-up. The gas station is not exactly sure how many people took advantage of the situation. Since customers paid at the pump, clerks did not have face-to-face contact with the customers. Driver Kenneth Krebs said he couldn't believe what he saw that allowed him to fill up his truck for 7 cents. A woman went into the store and told the clerk what was going on, showing her receipt for a few cents for several gallons of gas. That woman offered to come back into the store later Tuesday to pay the difference. The gas station is trying to determine if it can go back and charge the people who got the bargain regular price after the fact.

SHARPENING AXES

This week's topic is how much would a stay-at-home mom make. A full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work, an amount similar to a top U.S. ad executive, a marketing director or a judge. A mother who works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home. To reach the projected pay figures, I calculated the earning power of the 10 jobs respondents said most closely comprise a mother's role — housekeeper, day-care teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive and psychologist. Employed mothers reported spending on average 44 hours a week at their outside job and 49.8 hours at their home job, while the stay-at-home mother worked 91.6 hours a week. An estimated 5.6 million women in the United States are stay-at-home mothers with children under age 15, according to the most recent U.S. Census Bureau data.

SEARCH ENGINE

Places near where I live that have been abandoned, but not forgotten.

Florida Bible College http://www.uer.ca/locations/show.asp?locid=20225

Splendid China http://www.uer.ca/locations/show.asp?locid=20361

Xanadu http://www.uer.ca/locations/show.asp?locid=20299

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Ratings for the ninth episode of the first season of the new series, The Empty Child, on US television on the Sci Fi Channel, have come in: the telecast had a household rating of 1.04 with an average of 1.2 million viewers, a drop of a tenth of a million viewers and the lowest broadcast of the new season to date. (The broadcast took place on Cinco de Mayo, however, with viewing levels possibly affected in the evening; ratings on the broadcast networks were also noticeably down that night.) Season-to-date, Sci Fi reports that Doctor Who is currently averaging a 1.29 household rating and an average audience of 1.5 million viewers for the season.

 

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

 

Here is the answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy: sex toy.

Here's the next one:

 

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

 

 

Hand ballerina

 

And now for

 

MOVIE BUZZ

 

Star Wars: While Rick McCallum gets fanboys all hot and bothered (ew) by talking up a possible new trilogy, George Lucas is redeeming himself — read: cashing in again — by releasing the original trilogy on DVD, unaltered, without all the CGI meddling and revisionist fiddling. This means Han shoots first!

 

James Bond No. 22: Wait a minute — he's 007 … and the release date's in 2007! I see what they're doing there. Expect a remake of 2010 in four years.

 

Lady In The Water: The trailer clears up the plot a bit. See, it's not really about a lady in the water. She's just there to warn Paul Giamatti about — ready for this? — rabid wolf creatures from another world that use his swimming pool as a portal through which to travel to Earth and eat people.Or something. Makes about as much sense as water-hating aliens invading a water-covered planet.

 

Evan Almighty: Steve Carell would like to welcome you aboard his ark.

 

I'm Not There: So, you need six actors to play Bob Dylan. You've got five, one of whom is Richard Gere, for some inexplicable reason. You're thinking Colin Farrell for No. 6, a guy who speaks in an Irish brogue even when he's playing English explorers and Miami cops. But suddenly Heath Ledger, who mumbled his way through Brokeback Mountain, is available. Did Todd Haynes really give Colin the boot? The answer: *incoherent mumbling*

 

Untitled Ashton Kutcher Movie: Ashton plays a florist who helps people fall in love as a side gig. Look, I'm sick of movie jobs. Nobody's a "date doctor" in real life, like in Hitch. Nobody helps guys grow up as a career, like in Failure to Launch. Why can't this just be about a dude who wakes up and realizes, "Man, I'm a damn florist. What the hell am I doing with my life?"

 

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea Remake: After Titanic, The Perfect Storm and two Poseidon movies, is this really necessary? Look, I get it already — the ocean will kill you.

 

Untitled Jimi Hendrix Biopic: You know who's got good lawyers? The estate of Jimi Hendrix. Turns out a production company claiming to have signed Quentin Tarantino to direct a biopic of the legendary guitarist didn't technically "own the rights" to any of Jimi's songs or his life story. Nor did they actually "contact" Q about doing the movie. Oops! Now they're being sued into oblivion.

 

Well, that's it for this week. Once again, sorry I was two days late. Don't forget to check out the Phile's webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs

I added pictures from last weekend when Jen, Logan and I went to Islands Of Adventure, some other pictures and pictures from the Cast Picnic. Hug your mom's or at leat call them. And remember, spread the word, and not the turd.

 

 

 

Over The Border

A man smokes and a dog stretches, a woman works and a kid kvetches. I'm ridin' on a road that stretches over the border to America. I got nothin' but lonesome time, a backyard and a religious shrine. There must be something better over there. Over the border to America. There's a lot of versions of the honest truth. One for them, one for you. One for the rich one for the poverty stricken, one for the healthy and one for the sick and one for the tortured and one for the slave. One they tell you when they put you in your grave. One for the businessman with someone else's money. One for the beggar with nothing in his belly. We got one house to live in wife, child and man. Not much bigger than an ice cream van. Sometimes we walk a mile and stand and stare over the border to America. I stood and watched as the wall came down, heard the freedom bell begin to sound, watched the hammer as it hit the ground, saw the sickle spinning round and round. Now don't make us out to be peons or fools, we're into Zeppelin and Paula Abdul.  Now we're all gonna live in that cultural mecca, order everyone a triple decker. We're gonna buy a thousand pair of nylons, come and live on Staten Island. Oh Liberty let me walk in there,  where law and justice are always fair, there's only one place to get your share...over the border to America.

Hello, and welcome to the Phile, I'm your host, Jason 'Immigrant' Peverett. That's immigrant, not ignorant, even though I've been called that a few times in my life. Earlier this week there was 100,000 people in the streets. Not immigrants, but SUV owners walking to work. Some are calling Monday’s march a national coming out day for Latinos. They’re equating being Latino to being gay. Hey, I think it’s a bit easier to tell your parents you’re Latino! It was a beautiful day here in Orlando. It was so nice that all the immigrants took another day off. Monday of course was the "Day Without Immigrants” as they called it. Or as the Native Americans call it "the good old days”. A day without immigrants. Did Schwarzenegger work Monday? Lots of businesses were closed, streets were closed – everything was closed but that big hole down on the border. The demographics of Mexico are changing they say. For example in 1978 a typical Mexican mother had seven children. Now she has two children in Mexico and the other five are born in the United States. Hillary Clinton said that when she was younger she wanted to be an astronaut. Could you imagine if Hillary had become an astronaut? What would Bill be saying? Mr. Clinton are you married? "Yes, but my wife is no longer on this earth.” Anna Nicole Smith has won her Supreme Court case. I think this is the first time a bunch of old guys gave her what she wanted and lived to tell about it. The heaviest man in the world lives in Mexico, he weighs over 1200 pounds! In fact he tried to cross the border once and was caught by officials in California, Arizona and New Mexico. Here's some sport news: Barry Bonds has hit his 712 home run and is now only 2 home runs away from passing Babe Ruth. Not only that, he’s also now only two injections away from passing Jose Canseco. There’s been quite the outrage over the Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner” that was released. One good thing though is that now at all the Major League Baseball parks all the players can now understand the words. According to the Oxford dictionary, the number of words in the English language has now surpassed one billion. No wait - I'm sorry - that's the number of people in the U.S. who don't speak any English. There’s been a relations breakdown between the United States and China – but enough about Maury Povich and Connie Chung. Do you realize on Maury’s next show he could be the one saying, "I am the father!” And finally, "People” magazine has released it’s "100 Most Beautiful People” issue. Kirstie Alley made the list. She takes up spots 36 through 54. 

CANNED LAUGHTER

Like last week's entry, this week's Canned Laughter is brought to you by a fellow co-worker, Scott. A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience.She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately leaps into motion. It gallops at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become
entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. She is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Ratings for the eighth episode of the first season of the new series, Father's Day, on US television on the Sci Fi Channel, are in. The numbers varied from those as reported the previous week; while the average household rating was slightly down, to 1.14, the average viewing audience held at 1.4 million viewers. (I don't know what the exact relationship is between the rating and the viewership figures, apart from the fact that the viewer numbers held this week.) Season-to-date, Sci Fi reports that Doctor Who is currently averaging a 1.32 household rating and an average audience of 1.5 million viewers for the season.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

 

The 13th season of Survivor will be filmed in the Cook Islands, a group of islands somewhat nearby previous locations the Marquesas and Vanuatu. It’s the exact same location, perhaps even down to the tribal camps, that has been used for the UK edition and other international versions of the show. Survivor Maps, which has several pictures of the stunning lagoon and its surrounding islands, reports that “the Survivor production crew [arrived] April 20th and [will be] filming from late June through early August in Aitutaki’s quintessential blue lagoon.” The site also notes that the islands have plenty of history; Captain Bligh visited “just days before the mutiny, although he never laid foot on the atoll.” In addition, “the motu Rapota once held a leper colony,” according to Survivor Maps. And that small island will probably be the location of a tribe’s camp. And speaking of lepers, in addition to hearing confirmation that the show will be filmed in the Cook Islands, the Phile has heard unconfirmed reports that either in the 13th or 14th season, past cast members will return in some capacity, not necessarily as competitors. Neither season, however, will be another full-fledged all-star season. http://www.claycritters.com/map/s13/survivor_13_map.htm . Just when The Amazing Race 9 was getting a little boring, it picked up again with a conclusion that was the most heart-pounding and intense few moments the show has had in a long time. I almost threw up. Here’s what happened during and leading up to that moment:

• Yolanda is learning a lot about her partner Ray. For example, she said she’s learned “oh, that is the noise he makes when he brushes his teeth.”
• Monica asked a man on the street about hotels, and he said, “Cheap place to stay, love? You can stay at my joint for free.” Then he wet his pants when he saw Joseph and backpedaled: “That’s all right, man. I’m just joking. No, I’m not, but I saw you.”
• “Ray’s on a short leash,” Eric said. “My leash is about five feet long,” Joseph said. Not to be outdone or let a conversation end without yet another suggestive reference, Eric said, “I don’t let Jeremy out of the house.” Things we already knew, chapter 39, verse 412.
• “Beej. Eric has been really flirting with Monica,” Tyler told BJ, clearly jealous.
• A few moments later, Eric told Joseph and Monica, “I just want Monica to talk dirty to me from behind that tree.” Why behind a tree? So you can, say, imagine she’s Jeremy?
• Sixteen words I wish Phil would have spoken while the Weavers were racing last season: “Then they’ll need to wade out into a pool of crocodiles to retrieve their next clue.”
• Calling and waiting for cabs ignited an all-out war. First Eric called the taxi company to, as Jeremy said, “cancel the hippies’ taxi.” Then BJ and Tyler, who are rapidly becoming the dicks of the race, climbed into Joseph and Monica’s taxi. But Joseph opened the door and looked ready to drag them out — “Get out, guys. Kidding me?” — so they fled. “It’s not worth a million dollars to piss somebody off,” either BJ or Tyler said to the other, annoyed with his teammate for letting Joseph win.
• Eric and Jeremy waited for the cab they called but which never came. “I think we canceled ours in the process,” Jeremy said. “I think it’s called karma,” Eric said. Do you know that kind of guy who’s a sexist pig and has a closeted gay friend? My name is Eric.
• Joseph told a ticket agent, “We don’t want anybody else to find out about this. “What’s it worth?” the ticket agent asked. “A million dollars,” Joseph said. The guy looked at him incredulously: “No, to me.” Monica quickly jumped in with, “It’s worth a big kiss,” but the guy gave Joseph a look that said, “I’ll help you win a million dollars if you keep her away from me.”
• “This is how you practice safe sex,” someone said as they all put on rubber waders.
• Yielded by BJ and Tyler, Joseph and Monica fought with each other, and were so busy arguing that they didn’t even notice when the Yield hourglass ran out.
• “Have fun. Hopefully your chute opens, dude,” Jeremy said, and I can’t even bring myself to make fun of the fact that he said “hopefully your chute opens, dude,” just like I’m not going to say anything about Eric having a man strapped to his back and Jeremy looking on enviously.
• “If you were single, you’d be in trouble with me,” Jeremy said to Yolanda. She replied, “Oh, yeah?” with the same sort of tone that one would say, “what, you think I look like a dude?”
• Ray and his tandem skydiving partner landed in a seated position, and when Yolanda ran up, Ray was sitting between the guy’s legs. She said, “Oh, that’s so sweet. He’s holding you and everything!” Ray said, “It’s not funny.”
• “You can hear Monica screaming all the way up there,” Joseph said, as she parachuted to the ground.
• There was nothing particularly funny about the Detour that featured aboriginals playing the didgeridoo, except for the spelling of didgeridoo.
• When Ray and Yolanda arrived first at the mat, Phil stood far away, because they had the most dangerous local greeter ever: he had two whips that he cracked through the air right before every team arrived.
• Ray and Yolanda each won a one-year lease on a Mercedes M-class, like the ones they were driving in Australia, and Ray was concerned. “Will it be on the right side?” he asked of the steering wheel. “I promise—it’ll be all set up for America,” Phil said.
• Monica and Joseph quickly caught up with the frat boys and the hippies, and they were in a three-way race for the pit stop. As they drove, we saw a shot of Monica and Joseph’s car following the hippies, but the windshield was all pixelated. Then we found out why: “I’m flippin’ ‘em off, ‘cause I hate the hippies,” Joseph said, middle fingers extended.
• The three teams parked and raced for the mat in what was definitely the most intense race this season, if not ever. Dumbass BJ went through a ditch instead of over a bridge, allowing Monica passed him and beat them to the mat. Joseph was positively giddy. “We got here before you. You Yielded us!” he said, and she shrieked. BJ and Tyler arrived in third place, but in the most unfair and frustrating development ever, those lucky fuckers got saved by the second nonelimination leg. Curse you, nonelimination leg!

P.P. T.V.

Pac Man: The Movie The trailer for the long-awaited film about the greatest hero who ever lived.

Naruto- Slow Ride Itachi's Slow Ride? XD

 

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

 

It's been a few weeks since we had an on-going quiz here at the Phile, so starting this week, I'll start a new quiz: Sex toy or baby toy. Guess if the picture is of a sex toy or baby toy. I'll reveal the answer next week.

 

 

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

 

David Carlisle, 32, forced 52-year-old Marion Budd to hand over the bags at knifepoint last July as she walked her dog in Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol. When he realised what he had taken, Carlisle, a drug addict and father-of -four, fled the scene empty-handed. The bungling would-be thief was jailed after admitting attempted robbery. His four-year sentence will run concurrently with the seven-year term he is already serving for multiple burglaries. Bristol Magistrates heard Carlisle, of no fixed address, jumped out of a car and thrust the knife at Ms Budd, and ordered her to hand over her bags. But he dropped the carrriers and ran off after she told him that the contents were less lucrative than he might have hoped. Carlisle was tracked down after his DNAwas found on the car used in the attempted robbery, and was later identified by the dog walker in a video ID parade. Recorder John Trevaskis told him it was "testament to his incompetence" that he had attempted to steal a bag of dog excrement.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Rick McCallum, George Lucas' longtime Star Wars producing partner, said that future projects are a ways off, including a live-action TV show that is at least a year and a half away. "Star Wars TV series, probably not for a couple of years," McCallum said in an interview at the Saturn Awards in Universal City, Calif., on May 2. "George is starting to start the basic concept of it. ... We're interviewing writers. We're seeing a lot of people. But I'd say it's not going to be happening for another at least 18 months." McCallum also denied rumors that the new series would focus on members of the Skywalker family, but repeated that the show will take place in the timeframe between Episode III and IV. "All-new characters," he added. "That missing 20-year period when Luke is growing up. ... Think bounty hunter. That's all I can tell you. There's nobody else that you'll know [in it]. At the moment. You know, it's still [in] really, really early stages. He hasn't really sat down to think about which direction [he's going]." McCallum added that 3-D theatrical versions of the Star Wars movies are still planned. "We're working on that," he said. "It's just a question of how many theaters will be out there. Hopefully, by the end of this year there will be about 1,500 [3-D] theaters. We need about two or three thousand before it makes it, you know, viable for any of us to go out in 3-D. But that looks like it will happen sometime in the year 2007, so hopefully we'll be happy about that." Lucas is also planning a new run of Clone Wars-themed animated shorts. "There's an animated series being done right now, so that probably also won't be ready for another year," McCallum said. "But, yeah, that's looking really good." Fox will release the original unaltered theatrical versions of the first three Star Wars movies on DVD on Sept. 12, despite statements by series creator George Lucas, USA Today reported. Lucas had adamantly declared that 2004's digitally restored Star Wars Trilogy DVDs were the definitive versions of his movies. But fans have held out hope for DVDsofthe originals, and it appears that Lucasfilm is responding, the newspaper reported. Fox will release new two-disc DVDs, priced at $30 each, of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi that will feature the films as they first appeared in theaters, along with the new, restored versions (now available in the four-disc $70 Star Wars Trilogy). The individual DVDs will be taken off the market on Dec. 31, a strategy that Disney uses on many of its classic releases. This new set of DVDs does not constitute "George changing his mind," Lucasfilm's Jim Ward told USA Today. "What we've always said is George viewed the revised versions of the films as the definitive versions." The original films' video quality will not match up to that of the restored versions. "It is state of the art, as of 1993, and that's not as good as state of the art 2006," Ward said.

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

Is this a man or a woman?

MOVIE BUZZ

Pirates of the Caribbean 2:Dead Man's Chest: Slithery Davy Jones is after Captain Jack's soul in the trailer, but it's Johnny Depp, not Orlando Bloom, who gets his tentacles all over Keira Knightley. Scandalous!

Superman Returns: Judging by the trailer, the new Lex Luthor is a villain who ranks right up there with Keyser Soze. Consider Kevin Spacey's slump over … until K-PAX 2.

Casino Royale: Daniel Craig's dubbed in French in the ho-hum international teaser. I ran the dialogue through one of those online translator thingies, and I think he said, "Look, just gimme a chance, will ya?" Here's the English version. Huh — still sorta boring.

X-Men 3:The Last Stand: Wolverine chops off a Sentinel's head in an underwhelming new clip.If this is all Brett Ratner's got up his sleeve, fanboys will be calling for his head.

The Dirt: Let's hope this bio focuses on the young, vinyl-wearing Mötley Crüe and not the bloated, designer-jean–sporting tools of 2006. Although somebody should sign Nikki Sixx up for the next Underworld movie, because the dude looks like a walking corpse.

Clash of the Titans Remake: No matter who they cast in this remake, Perseus will always be Harry Hamlin in a skimpy toga to me. Wait — that didn't come out right.

Star Trek 11: Put down your fake plastic phasers, Trekkies — there's no way the Ben Affleck–as–Kirk rumors are true.

Dukes Of Hazzard Prequel: So that's how Bo and Luke became a couple of inbred, moonshine-smugglin' yokels!

Well, that about wraps it up for another entry. Next Thursday is the Innoventions Cast picnic so chances are I won't be updating the Phile. So, either Friday or Saturday I'll update it. In the meantime, check out my webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs. I recently added some pictures from last weekend. Thanks for reading, and remember...spread the word and not the turd. I will now leave you with a random pic.